


Milky Way

by Fox_155



Series: Heaven (NCT Hybrid AU) [7]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Addiction, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Assault, Broken Families, Bullying, Chronic Illness, Depression, Discrimination, Drinking, Eating Disorders, Euthanasia, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friendship, Healing, Homophobia, Hybrids, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Medical Professionals, Mental Illness, Neglect, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Personal Growth, Pining, Power Dynamics, Self-Acceptance, Slow Burn, Slurs, Smoking, Suicide, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, University, micro cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2020-10-29 17:41:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 230,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20800391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_155/pseuds/Fox_155
Summary: Jungwoo didn’t understand the reason why their supervising tutor drew names to assign them to their internship places. Seriously. This was an important issue! It’d influence their future significantly where they’d end up, and he was making small strips of paper to draw, instead of, say, be a reasonable adult and use their CV or current performance record to assign them.“Kim Jungwoo? You go work with Doctor Moon Taeil.” The man stepped up to his table and placed a business card on it “Good luck with that. He’s a nightmare.” He threw him a pitying smile.Great.Chinese translation/中文版





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of the people and this story isn't by any means an accurate representation of the people by whom it is inspired by.
> 
> Hello, it’s me, the person who cannot let go of her AUs and has to write spin-offs. This one is kinda set all over the place. Similar to Shooting Star, there’ll be time skips and I’ll chime in here and there, so idk. 
> 
> I do recommend reading everything else in the series first bc it’ll give you a different understanding of the characters, but it’s not necessary. However, I strongly recommend reading [Black Hole ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20633954). I hope I’ll introduce everyone well enough to allow this to stand alone~
> 
> <s>The Milky Way can be be seen within the constellation of Cancer, which is Taeil’s astrological sign.</s> Welp, apparently I was wrong there, so, it's just a title that has to do with the universe then, oops.
> 
> Please mind the tags as I will not give additional trigger warnings. I will update them as I develop the story so I have everything covered. I will give you warnings when I added new ones.
> 
> As of right now, I will update weekly ~

#####

Jungwoo didn’t understand the reason why their supervising tutor drew names to assign them to their internship places.

Seriously.

This was an important issue! It’d influence their future significantly where they’d end up, and he was making small strips of paper to draw like this was a child’s birthday party, instead of, say, be a reasonable adult and use their CV or current performance records to assign them.

Jungwoo tapped his fingers on the table anxiously. He had smoked before the class had started, to help with the nerves. It seemed like it had been in vain. He could already feel them flaring up again, making his stomach flutter uncomfortably and his fingers tremble. His tutor behaving like a mad-man didn’t make this any easier.

Even for their teeny-tiny 2nd-semester internship place, their former tutor had assigned them according to their current academic performance – and that thing had taken 4 weeks and all they had been allowed to do was waddle behind the doctors and occasionally calculate the total costs for medications.

He generally considered himself a patient and understanding person, but this was bringing him to the edge of what he could take. He could really need a smoke to deal with this madness right now. Later, Jungwoo reminded himself, he could have one once he was out of here in about 30 minutes. He tapped his fingers faster.

“Man, I really want to go to Seoul National Hybrid Hospital. If you worked there, you really won in life.”

Jungwoo turned his head to his fellow student and watched him lounge around on the table.

Yeah. He’d probably be lucky enough to actually get that spot, despite hardly putting in any work into his studies. Jungwoo was pretty sure he was only studying Hybrid medicine because out of all four types of medical studies there were (human, dental, veterinarian, and Hybrid) this one was the easiest to get into and to get through with, but you’d come out of it being allowed to call yourself a doctor.

It was these kinds of people that gave everyone else a bad reputation. Then again… Jungwoo looked around the room and slowly lost hope in the future of the profession.

He had gotten a spot at the Seoul National Hybrid Hospital during 2nd semester – when it had been assigned according to who was actually deserving. It was the best place for Hybrid medicine in all of South Korea, after all. They used the most expensive and modern technology available to Hybrid care. They even ventured off to find special treatments for Hybrids with owners willing to pay the price. It was absolutely fascinating and groundbreaking.

Jungwoo wasn’t top of the class for no reason. He lived for trying to think outside the box and get the most out of active ingredients.

Seoul National was where he wanted to work after finishing his studies, and it was where he wanted to do all his internships and residency in preparation for that.

He wanted that spot again and he knew he deserved it.

Getting accepted, for residency or voluntary internships, at the top clinic of South Korea, naturally, was hard. Your chances immensely heightened if your university had sent you for mandatory internships before. Because, normally, that’d mean you were doing something right.

Not to mention the added benefit if you could leave a good impression with the higher-ups.

Unless, of course, you had ended up with the idiot from hell as your tutor, who thought being here meant you deserved every chance there was.

Because you didn’t.

Even if you slacked, you’d usually somehow manage to pass your courses. It was only about Hybrids. It didn’t matter as much. If you made a mistake – oh well. Maybe some owner would be upset, but in the end, it could be replaced. That was why it was relatively easy to become a Hybrid doctor.

So, saying that just being here was enough to qualify you for the best job opportunities in the country was outrageous to Jungwoo.

Doing the bare minimum and getting away with it wasn’t Jungwoo’s approach and, from what he knew, that also wasn’t Seoul National Hybrid Hospital’s. Which was why he wanted to work there, not with some doctor who’d take a quick look, put on a plaster, and call it a day.

He wanted to make sure he could be a great doctor, regardless of his patient’s biology.

In his opinion, no being should suffer if it could be helped.

Originally, Jungwo had wanted to become a vet, but med school was expensive. Working a part-time job during school was difficult for him: There was only so much free time he had during which he could earn money when he had anatomy, physiology, biology, biochemistry, and more to study for and wanted to be on top of the competition.

A scholarship seemed like the perfect solution. Only, while Jungwoo’s high school grades had been above average, they had not been top of the list. Back then, other things had seemed important, had gotten in the way, and he hadn’t expected he’d need a scholarship. It was what it was, but it meant veterinary had been out of reach, reserved for those who had already prepared to grab the financial support and deserved it more.

What hadn’t been out of reach, had been the scholarship for Hybrid medicine. It wasn’t as renowned and as big as the other departments of medicine for the reason that it was relatively underdeveloped, making the overall requirements were just a bit lower. That had allowed him to get one of the desired spots in the program. Jungwoo had switched gears and decided to roll with whatever card fate played him.

Looking into treating methods and all the different procedures a Hybrid doctor had to perform, it turned out the field was almost as versatile as veterinary medicine.

What’d make work challenging on a daily basis, had been the original appeal of becoming a vet for Jungwoo. He still got that!

Plus cute animals, of course. Who didn’t like those?

Luckily, Hybrids were pretty much pets and also pretty cute, too.

He was doing well, he enjoyed his studies, and he wanted a damn good internship spot to put into his CV for when he had to apply for residency!

He squinted at the board. Seoul National was the only big, well-known hospital in Seoul for Hybrids that took any of them, but they had a depressing three spots for interns. The chance of getting one of those was at 10% - not very good.

The other hospitals were all private institutions, run by individual doctors or small groups of them. Jungwoo had heard some of their names before. Some of them because they were known for having bad practices and basically being lazy. It wasn’t rare, it was easy to get away with it. That was the opposite of what Jungwoo wanted to do in the future. Doing his internship at a place like that would not help him much in the long run.

If he couldn’t go to Seoul National and get some good insights, he at least hoped to end up with someone nice, or at least professional. Jungwoo hated getting yelled at or ridiculed for mistakes. And he was sure he’d make mistakes! Never before had he actually practised medicine.

Not that they’d just send him off and expect him to work miracles, it wasn’t residency yet. Main occupations for interns were standard procedures like regular physical exams, giving shots, taking blood, and watching, but he was aware he was expected to diagnose and suggest treatment, too. He was already getting closer to his graduation when he’d actually be sent off to survive on his own.

Hopefully, he’d end up with a doctor who at least put a bit more than the bare minimum into their job.

Jungwoo tried to remember if any of the clinics he couldn’t quite place had even been mentioned before. While there weren’t that many in relation to human facilities, there still were a lot of them and gossiping about doctors wasn’t exactly on the curriculum. Most of them would be pigs in a poke.

He really wanted to learn more about alternative treatments rather than going the easy way and euthanising. Normal doctors couldn’t really offer that, but it had been an occasional occurrence during his first internship. Jungwoo was aching to do more of that. He also knew Seoul National was venturing out into new territory. Trying highly difficult, risky, and sometimes expensive treatments wasn’t what the normal Hybrid hospitals would offer or what normal Hybrid doctors were capable of.

But there were doctors out there much too trigger happy with the narcotics for his liking – they were just lazy, making easy money, and giving everyone a bad name.

He could only hope not to end up with one of them. That’d be terrible preparation for potentially doing residency and, even more important, working for Seoul National later and being one of those doctors trying these difficult treatments.

Their tutor started the lottery.

Some people groaned when they were assigned. Jungwoo knew everyone was hot for the Seoul National spots – deserving or not.

He was, too, but he knew the chances were low. He could really use a smoke right now.

He wasn’t new to readjusting his expectations to fit reality. He’d have to once more accept whatever life had in stock for him. 99% of success was about attitude, anyway, so, he swallowed down the bitterness and decided to try and make do with whatever the lot would choose for him.

“Kim Jungwoo.” He startled when his name was called.

“Yes!”

“You go work with Doctor Moon Taeil.” The man stepped up to his table and placed a business card on it “Good luck with that. He’s a nightmare.” He threw him a pitying smile.

Jungwoo swallowed thickly. In his head, the image of an old, grumpy man with a deep scowl and permanent glare formed. The person to ask tricky questions and then laugh when he answered wrong.

He clutched onto the cardboard.

Maybe, he could just… be very sick for three months? And miss the internship?

Too bad missing his internship would mean he’d lose 15 credits and have to re-do it.

Here Jungwoo was, a week later, staring at the sign reading “Heaven, Hybrid Hospital, Doctor Moon Taeil, visiting hours Monday to Saturday”.

He worked Saturday.

That was rare.

Most Hybrid doctors took the whole weekend off. The two big public hospitals were there for huge emergencies, after all.

He probably didn’t have a private life because he hated people and had no friends, or something, and that’s why he worked on the weekend.

Jungwoo gave himself the 100th pep talk of the week. He could really use a cigarette right now, but he hadn’t touched one all morning to not smell of smoke. He pushed the door open and ascended the stairs.

The office door was still locked, so he knocked and waited. He had been instructed to be here at 7:30 am and when he checked his watch, it read exactly 7:30.

It took only a moment until someone opened.

“Hi!” the excited almost-yell made Jungwoo startle in his spot.

The one in the door was a dog Hybrid, which shouldn’t come as a surprise in a Hybrid clinic, but Jungwoo found himself completely thrown off the loop.

Beagle Hybrid, mid or late teens, healthy exterior, his brain supplied unhelpfully. He looked nice, smiling widely, and his tail wagged a little, indicating him to be in a good mood.

“Uh. Hi!”

“Are you Kim Jungwoo?” Jungwoo noticed a strong accent in his words but wasn’t sure where to place it yet.

He wasn’t unfamiliar with Hybrids, not at all. Jungwoo didn’t get much support from his parents, but not because they lacked the means. He was from the one of the target group of the sellers of cute companions, the upper-middle-class. While his parents had never bought one for the family, many of the friends Jungwoo had grown up with had had dog Hybrids as their nannies, or owned a cat or bunny Hybrid now to lower the stress from school.

Still, he hadn’t exactly expected a Hybrid to be sent to pick him up for his internship, like a child. Wouldn’t a hospital call for a more… professional setting?

At Seoul National, there certainly hadn’t been a single Hybrid other than patients roaming around.

Well. This wasn’t the most reputable hospital in the country – he should lower his expectations.

He managed to swallow his pride and nodded, “Yeah.”

The door was opened wider and revealed a very normal looking reception office. White walls, a big desk, still unmanned, supply closets lining the wall to a door. No grumpy doctor – yet.

“My name’s Yuta! I work here as a nurse. I’m super excited. We’ve never had an intern, well, the office is still pretty new, so that’s why. But I’m sure it’ll be great!”

A nurse? Maybe this doctor wasn’t as old as Jungwoo thought him to be if his office was new, but that he’d let his dog Hybrid “work” as a nurse was a bit surprising, even for someone young. Yuta’s clean white attire matched what Jungwoo was wearing after getting the dress code-requirements sent by e-mail previously, so he kind of fit in visually.

What would the Hybrid be able to do here? The job of nurses was a rather complicated one, it required deeper medical knowledge than the public usually believed. Even though dog Hybrids were the smartest type of Hybrid there was, Jungwoo found it highly doubtful they’d manage to acquire the level of skills required.

Maybe it was more like a mascot?

Working together with a Hybrid would definitely be a new experience that Jungwoo had never expected to make. Again, he had to lower his expectations.

By a lot.

“I hope we can get along well. Are you from Japan?” he had already guessed it from the accent now, but the name was quite the give-away.

“Yep, originally. How old are you?”

“I’m 20.”

“Are you okay if I call you Hyung then?”

_Hyung_?

Jungwoo didn’t even know what to say. He was baffled.

The normal form of address for a human by a Hybrid was master or mistress. It was a standard. That was all Jungwoo had ever been called by them and it was all he had ever seen them use with others. It was just a question of respect.

_Hyung_ was quite a step down in terms of politeness. It crushed the barrier between human and Hybrid that was usually omnipresent in conversation. No Hybrid he had previously met would even get the idea to be this daring. They had their places in society – and those places were beneath humans. Always.

It was clear that he couldn’t say no, even though he wanted to. Yuta wasn’t really asking for approval, he was giving him a heads up on something he had already decided.

“Okay, sure.” Jungwoo nodded. If he would be working together with this Hybrid because Doctor Moon saw that to be a good idea, he was better off rolling with the system. The first day wasn’t the one where he should openly start questioning the intentions of the man running this place and the manners of his Hybrid.

In the privacy of Jungwoo’s head, Doctor Moon became more unpredictable and less reliable as a doctor and person every second now.

Was it already time to bid his hopes for a valuable internship, where he’d be prepared thoroughly for his future in the profession, goodbye? Jungwoo really could go for a smoke right now…

“Great! Sorry for being so brash about it, but we don’t use the Master stuff here, so I wanted to make things clear before any misunderstandings took place. But I think you’ll fit in well!” Yuta beamed.

Master stuff? Jungwoo forced a smile, not wanting to risk Yuta believing him to fit in when he was really questioning everything already. Jungwoo was good at keeping up a façade, it was his constant companion. Faking one more thing didn’t even make a difference.

Still, in his mind, there was no reason to pretend.

What on earth was this place he had gotten sent to?

“Alright, let’s go to the back. Taeil-Hyung’s running a little late, when I left he was still brushing his teeth and looking for his trousers. I said I could give you a quick tour so you don’t have to stand in front of the door and feel weird about being forgotten.”

Jungwoo nodded, feeling a little overwhelmed by this force of nature that Yuta was. Despite his accent, he seemed to have a good enough grasp on the Korean language to rattle on in it and his arms moved around so much he was worried to get hit.

Also, the idea of the grumpy, old doctor searching for his trousers was… well, it was sort of funny.

“That one leads to the waiting area, but we also have a door inside to connect to it, so I’ll show you this way first,” Yuta explained and pushed open one of the two doors leading from the entrance room. “Do you own a Hybrid?”

“No. That’d probably overstrain my resources.” Jungwoo followed him into the white hallway, then realised his wording would probably be too hard to understand even for a Korean Hybrid, “Ah, sorry, I mean it’s too expensive.” He looked around carefully, but, just like the reception room, it looked very normal, not like some lunatic would work here.

“Don’t worry, I got you the first time. Taeil-Hyung said it was pretty tight when he was still in university, so I get that. We have four treatment rooms here. These two are for regular patients, so we can already put new people inside while Hyung’s still seeing another in the other room. When we get busy this is a real life-saver. This here has ultra-sound, ECG, and all the other fancy stuff, and this one is equipped for little ones. We only have a few breeders who bring their kids, but they need special attention or they’ll run wild. The first office is also Hyung’s office before and after working hours.”

Jungwoo filed all the information away in his head. The rooms had numbers, so it was easy to put them together in a way that made sense: 1: office, 2: normal, 3: kids, 4: equipment. He’d get a grip on this easily, this was nothing in comparison to the endless hallways from his first internship.

“So, why did you choose to become a Hybrid doctor?” Jungwoo snapped from his memorising zone upon the sudden question interrupting his thoughts.

“Um.” Jungwoo’d better not say this wasn’t his original plan “Well, I wanted to make others feel better and help them get healthy, so I wanted to become a doctor. It’s been my dream since little.”

“By the way, that’s the door to the waiting area.” Yuta threw it open, revealing rows of colourful chairs and a table with magazines stacked on it, as well as an empty coat-hanger on the side. Jungwoo nearly got whiplash from the change back and forth, because his next question was already about him again.

“Okay, that’s cute, but why Hybrids?”

Jungwoo sensed this wasn’t just a simple question. He assumed that was to be expected when talking to a Hybrid. Especially to one that immediately told you he wasn’t going to call you Master.

If he was being honest, it was all a little disobedient.

Cute or not – none of the Hybrids he knew would have gotten away with such behaviour. It wasn’t a Hybrid’s place. They weren’t equal to humans, not by a long shot. They were companions and served their owners, they needed the protection and the support an owner offered because of their many shortcomings that would never allow them to be independent.

Jungwoo was in no position to tell Yuta off, though. On the contrary! He had to answer and hope Yuta didn’t paint a bad picture of him to his owner.

Obviously, he, as a human, would be more trustworthy objectively speaking, but the influence a pet could have wasn’t to be underestimated. Some formed very deep bonds with them, just like you could with an actual dog. Especially someone who’d have their Hybrid act as a nurse – Jungwoo should watch his mouth and make sure Yuta had a good impression of him. Less complex brain or not, even animals had preferences between humans, and so did Hybrids.

“Um…I didn’t have that good grades in high school.”

“Oh, right, and Hybrid medicine is easier to get into. This is the regular treatment room. As you can see, we only keep the basics here. If you need a drug or vaccination, you have to get it in the front because it's easier to keep track of, but everything else is here. It’s usually me or Seulgi-Noona getting that for you, so you don’t need to worry too much about it anyway. So, what’s your opinion on Hybrids, then?”

“My opinion on Hybrids?” Jungwoo asked.

What kind of question was that? What opinion was he talking about? His favourite breed or what?

The treatment room was very nice, as colourful as you could get without looking unprofessional. The desk on which books and a computer sat was pushed to the side, so doctor, nurse, owner, and patient could sit next to each other, being on eye-level.

That was usually a good setting for good communication with owners, especially in cases where more serious topics needed to be addressed. Not something a grumpy doctor, who’d just do the bare minimum, would think of. Jungwoo wasn’t sure if it was too early to at least hope a little, not with Yuta still holding this tour and asking odd questions.

“Yeah, like… do you mind that I work here? Do you think I’ll just be sitting on the side and look pretty because I’m a Hybrid and obviously won’t get access to schools and education?”

Jungwoo felt heat rise on his skin. Actually, yes, he had been thinking that. He still was. What else would Yuta be able to contribute?

Saying so sounded like the worst idea in the history of terrible ideas.

“I’ve never worked with a Hybrid before? It wouldn’t seem like a common practice, so I hadn’t considered it before.”

Yuta nodded, eying him with narrowed eyes. Jungwoo felt a little scared and hoped his smile was still looking genuine.

He only wanted to successfully do his internship here and not be yelled at!

Then, the dog’s expression fell and he beamed at him, “Don’t worry, you’ll learn a lot more about Hybrids, about actual Hybrids.” He slapped Jungwoo’s shoulder, making him startle, “Alright, this way, we still have lots to see.”

Jungwoo let out a small sigh of relief, while Yuta already bounced out the door.

Learning more about Hybrids was sort of the whole point. He didn’t see any fault in Yuta’s words per se, but there was this lingering suspicion that his expectations and Yuta’s intentions did not quite match.

From the treatment room, they headed down the hall into another hallway, though this one was locked. “Quarantine.” Yuta explained “You have to keep people out and in. This is actually much too big, we don’t often get people staying here, mostly, it’s for when Hyung finds a new Hybrid from a bad situation.”

“A bad situation?”

“Yeah, trafficking, strays, that stuff.”

“Oh.” Jungwoo nodded. Strays were very rare, but it unfortunately sometimes happened that a Hybrid ended up on the streets. Taking those in sounded rather nice of Doctor Moon. Maybe he wasn’t as bitter and grumpy as he had expected him to be?

They returned to the regular treatment area and Yuta helped him pack away his bag in a locker in Room 1.

“Here you are! I was looking in the front like a fool,” a new voice came from the door and Jungwoo turned around to see a young man, probably not much older than himself, in the door. He was dressed white top to bottom, so he probably worked here, too.

He spotted Jungwoo and broke into a smile. He was quite handsome, but Jungwoo reminded himself that it was not good to hook up with coworkers and he had promised his best friend he’d keep it in his pants for the three months while being here.

Not like he had a good record of that, but he would try and not let Joohyun down this time.

The question of who the man was, was still unanswered.

Was he another intern? He was so young! Jungwoo was sure only he had gotten assigned to this place, but maybe this guy was from another university?

The stranger crossed the room and Jungwoo quickly bowed in greeting. “Good morning, I’m Kim Jungwoo.”

“Of course, you are. It’s so nice to meet you. I hope we’ll have a great time since it’s my first time doing this and I’m not sure how to go about it. If something is weird, don’t hesitate to tell me. I want to be a good teacher. Oh. I’m Moon Taeil, just call me Taeil-Hyung or I’ll feel ancient.”

Jungwoo’s jaw nearly dropped. Nearly – or it would have been embarrassing. More embarrassing than probably blankly staring at the other for approximately five seconds while his brain tried to fit together how this man was a nightmare and looking… well, extremely nice, young, and handsome.

“I already interviewed him, Hyung, I like him!” Yuta announced loudly. Taeil nodded, smiling even more invitingly now, and Jungwoo tried to keep it together.

This internship hadn’t even started and it was already taking extremely unexpected turns.

It turned out Yuta was the only Hybrid on Taeil’s team. That there was even one was already breaking all the rules, but Jungwoo was ready to silently roll with anything at this point. There was another nurse called Seulgi, fully human, and a receptionist called Sooyoung, also fully human. It did make sense, Taeil would actually need a nurse to help and it was still unlikely Yuta was going to be of any.

“I do the re-ordering of supplies as well as scheduling and billing, but I also get to be yelled at by patients, which is always a highlight in my workday,” Sooyoung explained with a grin.

“They yell at you?” Jungwoo had never talked to the receptionists at Seoul National. The hospital was much too big to know everyone and four weeks weren’t long enough to even properly get to know all the doctors and nurses.

However, he knew all staff was needed to keep an office running, and the receptionist was the face to the outside. He wasn’t one of those people to disrespect her work.

“Oh yes, all the time. Though I’m sorry to say this, Saturdays are the worst and on Saturdays, I’m not here. It’s either Yuta or Seulgi-Noona doing this job, and Taeil-Sshi asked me to get you familiar with everything, too, so I assume he’ll have you do the task from time to time as well.”

Jungwoo nodded. As the intern, of course, these less pleasant tasks would be given to him as well. It made sense and it would help him get a better understanding of the whole workings of a smaller clinic, like this one.

Not like he’d need it when he was going to work at Seoul National, but still. He wanted to learn everything and get the best education possible to become a good doctor.

“We don’t really have a fixed plan for when you’ll be doing what, but I’m just giving you a heads up. To be fully transparent, neither me, nor Yuta, nor Taeil-Sshi know what we’re doing. Seulgi-Unnie is the only one who worked with an intern before, so I hope this won’t turn into a terrible mess. Usually, we just improvise as we go, so far, it has worked out well.”

Jungwoo chuckled nervously. He really hoped so, too.

“Yeah, so, I thought we’d just start out with you joining my appointments in the morning.” Taeil suddenly spoke behind him and Jungwoo startled so badly, he slammed his hip into the desk Sooyoung was on.

“Sorry! Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!” Taeil’s eyes were wide and worried and Jungwoo’s hip really smarted, but he shook his head.

“It’s fine.”

“Okay, sorry, again. Uh, yeah, right, I work from eight to twelve, then there’s an hour for lunch, and then until four, but sometimes it ends up being six. You’re free to go home after four, though, you don’t get paid for your overtime so you shouldn’t have to work it.” Taeil smiled and Jungwoo nodded, “You can join me for lunch since Seulgi-sshi and Sooyoung-sshi both use it to see their partners. Unless you also have someone else to spend it with, that’s obviously perfectly fine.”

“That’d be very nice, thank you.” Jungwoo had usually spent lunch with the doctors at Seoul National, so he didn’t see any issue with that, even though Taeil was young and handsome, and possibly crazy and a nightmare.

“Of course. Alright, then shall we get started?”

Jungwoo was no stranger to following doctors and looking over their shoulder. Sure, this internship was supposed to allow him to do more than just that, but it felt reassuring to start off with something familiar and fool-proof.

However, it only took 30 seconds for him to get an inkling why Taeil, who so far had been anything but the nightmare he had been introduced as, had such a terrible reputation.

Because, apparently, standard protocol meant very little to him.

And that defiance of regular practice wasn’t limited to the slightly idiosyncratic decision of making his Hybrid the office’s mascot.

“Good morning, Yoojung. How are you feeling? Is your tummy better?” Taeil beamed at the Golden Retriever Hybrid that was already sitting on the examination bed, fully ignoring the owner.

“Good morning. It’s better, yes, thank you.” She looked a bit pale, her demeanour was subdued and her voice soft, all not typical for a healthy Hybrid of her breed, telling she was ill. Taeil nodded and only now turned to the woman that had brought the Hybrid, who had been waiting on a chair at his desk.

Jungwoo couldn’t do anything but watch and feel the second-hand embarrassment. Luckily, the owner wasn’t upset about the rude behaviour, nor irritated the doctor would address her Hybrid so freely.

Still, from a professional point of view, this was quite outrageous.

Taeil treated the patient like… a human. And this very clearly wasn’t one.

No wonder other medical professionals in the field broke into a cold sweat just thinking of him and would announce him to be a nightmare.

Jungwoo certainly felt like this was a nightmare.

You couldn’t just go and talk to the patients like that.

He had had a course learning the correct way to handle interaction, so he could respect the different nature of Hybrids. It was basically common knowledge that Hybrids might look quite human but actually were so very different from them. The highly advanced mind of humans just hadn’t made it through the merger of DNA that had given them the cute ears and tails everyone loved so much. Only a simple mind with a lot of animalistic traits had been left.

It was the foundation for the whole system they lived in. Because the Hybrids were so far behind humans, they could and should be kept as pets and in the different roles they served.

As a medical professional, more than anyone, Taeil should know about the differences and respect them as well as the owners who’d be the ones paying the bills and thus his wage, not bulldoze all over them.

Jungwoo could really use a smoke right now.

It didn’t stop.

Instead of asking the owner to relay messages to the Hybrid, how it was perfectly normal to do, Taeil chatted with the Hybrid girl and talked her through his examination and then through her treatment, as if she would be the one dosing her own medicine.

Jungwoo felt like he had fallen into some weird alternate universe when he followed Taeil out the room and into the next, where another Hybrid was already waiting, and the whole scene replayed itself.

This had to be a joke.

A very cruel joke.

This internship was fucking important for his future! Jungwoo had to learn all the practical skills that university couldn’t help him with, and he had ended up with… this.

How would he benefit from some Doctor that blatantly ignored all the rules of society?

He certainly was in no position to question Taeil’s methods, he could do whatever the hell he wanted, frankly, but this was just… unprofessional. Weird. It felt weird.

These were Hybrids, not humans.

Yet he treated them no different than a human doctor would treat his patients.

It was an approach that, so far, hadn’t even crossed Jungwoo’s mind.

Because there wasn’t really any… reason? To do this?

On the contrary, it made him somewhat uncomfortable. He felt the need to apologise to the ignored owners and turn to them and explain treatments once more.

With every treated patient, it got weirder.

Taeil treated the Hybrids like humans and it was easy to forget they weren’t. It was a line that no one should cross. Once you started to believe something that wasn’t true, what would you do next? Forbid they were sold? Let them go to school? Work?

It was unsettling to even consider.

Jungwoo sternly reminded him to not fall for the mind-games with every new patient and managed to reach a state of relative acceptance and indifference until absurdity reached its peak just before lunch.

“Honestly, I’ve only come here because I was desperate. I know it’s ridiculous to treat a Hybrid for diabetes, but… she’s my best breeding female. She’s a good soul, she takes amazing care of her puppies until we separate her, and she’s always very well-behaved in interactions. Losing her… I couldn’t stomach it. I feel like there has to be another way!”

Jungwoo glanced over to where the Hybrid in question was lying on the examination bed. She looked well into her thirties. It was unlikely she’d be fertile for much longer. Whatever had been invested into her, surely it had already been amortised. Her retirement from the job, she had been made for, was coming closer, meaning, she’d already be a cost factor even if healthy.

It wasn’t reasonable to treat her, no. It might be the kind of treatment some of the more experienced doctors at Seoul National would try if the owner was so desperate and willing to pay. Not some random young doctor. Instead, it would be recommended to put the Hybrid out of their suffering.

As much as Jungwoo was eager to help every being possible and give them the best treatment, there were limitations to what could be done, especially here, in a small clinic without the highly specialised expertise of the best in the field.

After Taeil had humanised them all morning, it was slightly more upsetting to Jungwoo than usually.

Just because he didn’t let himself see something in Hybrids there wasn’t, he still wasn’t a psychopath. He had never liked these moments. It was the same as when someone’s dog or cat had to be put down. Especially in cases where the owner had built a bond with their Hybrid, it was sad to have to watch them be euthanised because there was no treatment.

Now, that Taeil had talked so freely to them all day like they were capable of understanding him just how a human would be, a very bothersome connotation was added to the whole procedure.

It felt a bit like… murder.

It was the only option, though. He certainly had no idea how to even try looking into a treatment that’d require re-purposing a human drug for a Hybrid. It was so far from what was taught, so risky and difficult, but also costly, there was no reason to teach that if hardly anyone would ever use it.

That’s why he wanted to get into Seoul National, so he could become the type of doctor that’d at least try and find a solution, beating the odds.

This wasn’t Seoul National, though, this was Heaven with possibly crazy Doctor Moon.

It wasn’t pleasant, to be in the situation where you had to tell the owners this was the end. Jungwoo had definitely shed a tear or two before. He geared up to inevitable hear these words, that he hated so much, however, he was left hanging.

“It’s not ridiculous at all. The treatment is extremely effective as we can easily use the vast knowledge there is in human medicine. It’s relatively easy and safe, too. The only problem is the costs, however, I’m sure you agree if you commit to caring for another being, paying for their medical expenses is a given.” Doctor Moon explained calmly.

Jungwoo nearly asked if he could please repeat that, not believing his ears.

“Yes, of course. I hoped you’d say that. My attending doctor recommended putting her down, but… she’s done so much for me. I want to give her back at least a bit of that by making sure she has a pleasant and easy life, one that’s as long as possible. I saw your thesis online, which is why I came.”

Jungwoo swallowed.

Never before had he heard a doctor suggest the more expensive treatment, rather than the cheapest solution. Not even at Seoul National. They’d offer it, but they’d not downright tell the owner that was the way to go.

And even if the owners were attached and happy over being offered the chance of treatment, they’d most of the time not be willing to pay the extensive costs, often higher than just buying a new Hybrid.

Not to mention, how Taeil had just called it an easy and safe treatment. That, too, was something Jungwoo heard for the very first time. Usually, these treatments were unreliable, untested, and difficult. No young doctor would just happily suggest them.

None of this made sense. Nothing.

Jungwoo could really use a cigarette right now.

“That’s wonderful to hear. I spent a lot of time researching the illness in Hybrids, which is why I’m confident in saying: we can get this under control and allow her to have a wonderful and long life from now on.” The doctor smiled brightly and scooted over to where the Hybrid was, starting his examination.

There were two options here:

A: Doctor Moon Taeil was batshit crazy.

B: Doctor Moon Taeil was a fucking genius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, finally, I was able to post the first chapter. I have so much planned for this fic and the characterisations are really challenging for me. It’s so much work to write and I hope so much you’ll like it but I know there’s some heavy stuff I’m throwing at you rn.
> 
> Visuals of the cat/dog/bunny breed the genes come from (pls tell me when a link is broken):  
[Yuta, Beagle](http://www.zooroyal.de/magazin/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/beagle-hunderasse-760x560.jpg)  
  
[List of people with changed birthyears](https://i.ibb.co/JdGrDbc/Ages.jpg</a)  
[CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)  
Twitter: @155Fox


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, rn we’re set in 2012 and I try and reflect that a bit in the pop culture and technology but I might fail to do so despite already having been very much alive and experiencing all that at the time – I just can’t recall what Apps were already a thing and which not, things like that ^^;
> 
> Art of [Jaehyun](https://twitter.com/KeiSugarbat/status/1178279824189726720)  
(thought he'd look not like that yet in this chapter) - thank you so much <33

“You okay? You look a little pale.”

The breeder with her Hybrid had left minutes ago, and instead of rushing to the next patient, Taeil reordered the books he had just used. Yuta had come inside and started to clean up, while Seulgi saved documents on the computer, before putting it into energy-saving mode.

“Yeah. I was just… uh…” Jungwoo squirmed a little under the gaze. He didn’t want to offend Taeil, actually, it was the furthest away from what he wanted to do. Jungwoo was all about flying under the radar and not getting into any conflicts, ever.

This? This was just too much to ignore and pass by, especially if he’d be spending three more months here.

He wished he could use the break to have a smoke, but the chance that would be written off as unprofessional was too high. He had to try and calm himself down without the help of nicotine. Not like he needed it or anything.

He had just watched a Hybrid doctor adjust a human therapy, merrily explain blood sugar levels, the testing of said blood sugar, and the injection of insulin to a Hybrid and then an owner thank her Hybrid’s doctor for prescribing her a very expensive medication.

None of this was right, none of this fit how the world was supposed to work.

No, Jungwoo was not okay.

“I guess this might be a little different from what you were taught so far. I won’t kill any Hybrids, no matter what. If it’s a fatal illness, there’s a way to humanely allow them to spend the rest of their days, just how humans are treated. We have a severe lack of medication for illnesses often and easily manageable in humans, simply for the reason that there’s no demand because the Hybrids with those issues are killed often before they even reach five years old. It’s unacceptable and cruel.”

Jungwoo nearly toppled over backwards.

“But, um, isn’t that kind of… difficult? And, uh, what about costs?” he glanced at Yuta, who had finished his tasks and watched unabashedly. Jungwoo was still stressed to make a good impression on him – however ridiculous that was.

If he told anyone at uni, they’d probably choke on their laughter – trying to impress a Hybrid, how stupid and humiliating. If anything, it’d be the other way around, after all, Hybrids were dependant on humans.

Jungwoo actually did feel pretty dumb, too. It was all for the sake of blending in and avoiding conflict.

If there had been any doubt that Taeil had a bit of an odd relationship with Hybrids, it was definitely clear he had now, after Jungwoo had seen him work with his patients. He accredited them with much more humanity than they actually had.

No wonder he allowed his own as a live-in mascot at his place of work.

No doubt he’d sooner give Jungwoo the cold shoulder than have said mascot feel uncomfortable with the intern. Jungwoo couldn’t risk that. He had to fit in no matter how ridiculous the things he had to do to achieve that were. He wasn’t a stranger to pretending, even if it was hard.

“Oh yes, it is. Which is why we need compulsory general insurance for Hybrids just how we have for humans. But if you already decide you need to own a person and put in the money to buy them, it shouldn’t be too much to ask that you care for all their needs. We used to kill children with handicaps, too, but luckily, people realised how cruel that practice is and it’s now murder just how killing an able-bodied person is. Or would you feel comfortable injecting a person, that could live a perfectly wonderful life with the help of a few pills, poison, so they die? Do that to a child?”

Jungwoo shuddered and had to break eye-contact. It had always been the thing he had dreaded the most, had hated learning about the most. Because, no, he didn’t feel comfortable doing that. He was a vegetarian because he didn’t want to support animal cruelty, so, no, he also didn’t want to support cruelty towards Hybrids.

“I’ve never questioned that before.” He admitted. He hadn’t because no one else did. It was just the way things were done, usually.

Maybe Taeil was more on the side of genius? Could he be?

“That’s fine. You’re still young and not even finished with your studies. I didn’t actively work against it until I adopted my first Hybrid, who was supposed to be killed for Diabetes, either. It can be very easily and effectively treated in Hybrids because of the universality of insulin, by the way. Depending on the diet, you can even adjust the dosage, making it cheaper. I’m getting off-topic. I hope you’ll think about it now that I brought it up.” Taeil smiled.

Jungwoo hurried to nod.

Oh yes, there was suddenly a huge number of questions in his head that had popped up. By breaking down the boundaries of Hybrid medicine and ignoring the rules, Taeil could have opened such a giant pool of possibilities, it was dizzying. It was what Jungwoo wanted to do in the future.

For a moment, he gained hope and even grew excited. Then, it was all immediately squashed when reason kicked in.

It seemed highly unlikely that was actually what he was doing.

Why would this doctor, barely out of residency himself, be more skilled than hoards of medical professionals working in the best places of all of South Korea?

Especially, if this possible genius also seemed to conveniently forget about the very crucial and basic differences that set humans and Hybrids apart and made a specialised branch of medicine necessary in the first place?

Rather than Taeil being the only one right in a world of people not realising these possibilities, wasn’t it more likely he was living in delusion? Jungwoo could really use a smoke right now.

“On that bright note, let’s have lunch!” Taeil clapped his hands.

Apparently, having lunch with Taeil meant going home with him.

He lived right above the office, which sounded like the most comfortable way to work to ever exist. Meanwhile, Jungwoo had been stuck in Seoul’s morning rush hour, squeezed into a tight subway wagon that had smelt of old fish. He was a bit jealous, but Gangnam was so far out of his budget, he didn’t need to consider even getting a flat the size of a shoebox here.

It made sense to go home to eat, but it also suddenly made this situation weirdly personal in a way Jungwoo had neither had expected nor really appreciated. Especially in lights of the developments of the morning and his very serious doubts in Taeil’s mental stability.

Just pretending he was lucid, which this lunch might help Jungwoo figure out, it still left the issue that Taeil was 1) handsome 2) nice 3) possibly a genius underneath the crazy.

Overall, Jungwoo was sure he was a complete and utter wreck already and this was definitely going to be a disaster for the books. All the years of practice in blending in seemed for nothing here, in this abundance of overwhelming impressions and personalities.

The scent of food wavered out the door immediately, so he concluded Taeil had to live with more people than just Yuta. Maybe his… girlfriend… wife? Well, that’d certainly help with his determination to not break his promise to Joohyun then. Not like he had planned to, but still. Jungwoo knew his record was bad and a little crazy had never stopped him before.

The entrance hall was a bit messy, with shoes and a random raincoat lying around. It fit the overall image he had so far gotten and clashed with Jungwoo personally loving order and cleanliness. But he hadn’t had to live here, this was just his boss’ flat.

Where he’d have lunch.

With his Hybrid that Jungwoo was still desperately trying to impress like some utter fool.

And maybe wife/girlfriend/whoknowswhatbutwillprobablyjudgehimifhefuckedup.

New stress made Jungwoo swallow heavily and automatically reach for his back pocket, but it was empty, no pack of cigarettes anywhere to be found.

“We’re back!” Yuta hollered and he nearly dropped his shoe from getting startled.

“You’re easy to frighten, aren’t you? Sorry about that.” Taeil observed and Jungwoo felt his face heat up.

“I never realised I’d be.” He hadn’t gotten thrown into such an overall chaotic environment since primary school when he had still been part of the chaos. He had always tried his hardest to show a tough attitude, a manly one. Getting called out on it made him remember he’d have to try harder. He shouldn’t let it slip.

“I’m sure you’ll develop a tolerance for that eventually,” Taeil reassured him. He really did smile a lot, didn’t he? Well, he was probably living exactly the life he wanted, with his own clinic where he could practise medicine how he wanted to, with a Hybrid to keep him company, and with a wife that’d make lunch…

“Hyung, you’re early!” Well, that voice certainly was _much_ too low for a wife.

Jungwoo looked up and found a cat Hybrid poking his head into the entrance hall. He met his emerald green eyes and immediately felt a little embarrassed.

That Taeil would allow him to roam around and meet his intern was bordering on a taboo, and Jungwoo felt like he should have maybe not gotten to know his boss owned a cat Hybrid. It was different with his same-aged friends and fellow students, who’d sometimes bring their Hybrids or boasted about owning one. This was a senior-junior relationship and it just felt wrong.

“Oh, are you Kim Jungwoo?” the cat asked curiously and stepped closer.

Jungwoo tried to keep up a polite front. He shouldn’t be one to judge anyone else’s sex life, not with his own he shouldn’t. He got over himself and smiled: “Yes, I am.”

“Wonderful to meet you. I’m Taeyong! I hope you like Kimchijigae because I made it hoping you’d agree to eat with us. I was so curious to meet you!” Taeyong’s grey tail thrashed behind himself and his eyes were big and bright. He was the image of a perfected selective breeding program – almost.

Taunting his looks was a big gash in his left ear. Jungwoo immediately wondered what had happened and if there hadn’t been any way to properly fix it.

Taeyong was already turning and rushing back into the flat, probably to take care of his Kimchijigae, before he got the chance to further inspect.

“Please don’t ask him about his ear, he’s very, very sensitive when it comes to it, okay? I know it’s interesting from a medical point of view, but he’s still struggling a lot with anxiety and I don’t want him to feel more upset than necessary. Here’s his home, he should feel safe here.” Taeil was suddenly next to him, talking in the same serious voice he had used earlier when he had casually said he didn’t _kill_ Hybrids.

Jungwoo had actually wanted to ask Taeil about the scar, but this threw him off track once more.

“Uh… anxiety?” he tried to make sense of the words, but they wouldn’t quite fit. Hybrids… didn’t get… anxiety. They didn’t have that sort of complex emotional experiences.

Cats and bunnies didn’t really have emotions at all, which was why they were kept as homemakers and toys, to begin with.

If they had, that’d be very cruel to do to them.

“Yes, unfortunately. It’s really upsetting to consider what he had to go through. I’m glad I found him and he’s with me now, so he can overcome this. He’s been doing very well and it’s such a reward to see.” Taeil looked like a proud parent.

Yep.

Jungwoo had not made any mistake in judging him.

He was definitely crazy.

He hoped he was able to keep his smile up, but he just saw the three months of internship go down the drain. With Taeil’s lifestyle and his apparent delusion as well as unprofessional behaviour, there was no way Jungwoo would learn anything of value.

The chances of ever getting into Seoul National Hybrid Clinic for residency slimmed by the second.

Was it too late to go to his tutor and beg for a different internship spot?

“Oh, and for the sake of my own reputation, I feel the need to very explicitly tell you that I don’t force any of the Hybrid into any sort of sexual situation, ever.” His voice was hard now and not a trace of the smile left, leaving no room for doubt.

“O-okay.” Jungwoo nodded. He did believe Taeil – at least in this. From how directly he had worded it and how serious he looked, he didn’t think he was trying to pretend he kept them for platonic company just to not be judged for his sex life. It also fit the overall treatment. Someone who humanised Hybrids so much would naturally feel weird about using them for the purpose they were made for.

It even started to feel weird to Jungwoo, with Taeil talking about them like that, even though he knew that was just some sort of projection of his own humanity into his pets.

He accredited his cat Hybrid with something that he couldn’t experience, but from how naturally and seriously he did it, it almost felt normal. Like, yes, Hybrids could have these struggles, they did feel the same things humans did. If Jungwoo didn’t focus on what he knew to be reality, he’d forget Taeil very obviously had a screw loose.

Jungwoo really wasn’t quite sure how to feel about the unbidden idea of any cat Hybrid being sentient enough to develop anxiety. Not good. Definitely not good.

He really needed a smoke, this was just too much.

Silently, he followed Taeil into the hallway and right into the living room. It was a similarly messy state as the entrance hall, the sofas not matching and boxes stacked over each other on one wall, seemingly replacing a shelf that would really help make this place look less like a tornado had just passed.

Well, okay, it didn’t look as terrible and Jungwoo’s ex-ex-ex-ex-boyfriend’s flat had, but it was sort of close.

Much to his surprise, yet another Hybrid came from the kitchen, carrying a stack of bowls. He immediately noticed Jungwoo as the odd one out and hurried to put down the bowls. Jungwoo was about to question why Taeil housed so many of them when he noticed the white bandages wrapped up the Hybrid’s neck and poking out from underneath the long sleeves he was wearing despite it being summer.

He took another look and suddenly noticed more things.

His hair looked like it had been shorn not too long ago, at the state where it just stuck up all directions like a fluffy brush. The colouring suggested his breed to be Border Collie, the very typical black with a white stripe running through the centre making it easy to distinguish. Jungwoo had always found it fascinating, how the pattering of animals transferred into Hybrids, giving them unique and beautiful hair and eyes. However, where his tails should be fluffy with long, thick fur, it looked similar to the hair on his head and had probably been shorn at the same time.

There was a patch of scabbing over his left cheek, looking like it had been scratched open. Similarly, there were bald spots between the growing hair and on his tail that was tugged between his legs in a show of fear.

Jungwoo’s brain immediately came up with different parasitic infestations or skin conditions that might result in this. He’d need more background information to come to a decision, but it was clear he was currently being treated for it and would need some more time to get to a somewhat satisfactory state of healing.

He looked young. Like he was an adult in Hybrid terms but would still grow and mature into more masculine facial features. That was normal, the physical development had been transferred from humans, who’d need a lot longer to mature than Hybrids, with their less complex minds. They were mentally adults by about 14, which was when they’d be sold.

He was cute, but Jungwoo was mainly surprised Taeil would invest so much money into so many Hybrid. No one really needed more than two unless they were collectors.

Then again, a Hybrid with such a serious condition had likely not been very expensive. No one would want that.

It was sweet of Taeil to give him a place to stay regardless. Of course, it made sense. Most people became doctors because they wanted to help. Taeil clearly was very strongly motivated to do that, crazy ideas and weird behaviour or not. It was a very noble trait, very attractive.

“This is Kim Jungwoo, my intern. You can call him Jungwoo-Hyung.” Taeil introduced him, re-inforcing the informal honorific. He should have expected Taeil to be the source of that. Yuta would have probably not even gotten the idea to be so disrespectful by himself. No breeder would allow their Hybrids to get such ideas, and breeders were the ones doing the lion part of the training of Hybrids.

Unfortunately, Jungwoo had very little trouble forgiving someone as handsome as Taeil some insane behaviour that should have sent him running for the hills.

“Hello,” the Hybrid’s voice was soft and he only glanced up for a second, then looked down on the floor again and bowed. Jungwoo gave him a small one in turn, not as deep, but just to be politer than he needed to be.

“How about you tell Jungwoo your name?” Taeil suggested, keeping his voice gentle. He had walked over to where the still nameless dog was at the table and Jungwoo saw the Hybrid look at him with round and attentive eyes, full of the loyalty-driven admiration dogs so typically had.

Jungwoo swallowed. He wanted to cling to the knowledge that Taeil had some completely idiotic ideas about Hybrids and he wanted to not let himself be fooled into thinking he was something he probably wasn’t.

Very clearly, this Hybrid adored Taeil, and very clearly, Taeil was helping him. Jungwoo’s own motivation to do this job had been to help cute pets. Seeing Taeil coax this shy and cute Hybrid out of his shell and the affection the Hybrid obviously had for him pulled on Jungwoo’s heartstrings.

“Yeah, uh, I’m Jaehyun.” The dog bowed again and this time Jungwoo didn’t reciprocate it. He started to shuffle behind Taeil, but hiding behind his shorter owner didn’t quite work out for him.

“I’m sure Jungwoo is very curious to hear more about you, like your age? Your favourite subject? Your favourite food?”

Taeil smiled at Jungwoo, so he didn’t miss the cue.

And who was he to turn it down? He wasn’t cold-hearted just because he wasn’t as delusional as Taeil!

“Of course, I’d love to hear those. My favourite food are potato crisps, I like those with prawn flavour the most.”

Jaehyun still didn’t look at him, but his reply was clearly meant to go to Jungwoo.

“I like fried pork with Ssamjang. And bread. And I’m 15 years old.” Jaehyun’s voice became softer and he looked more worried with every new detail he disclosed.

“I like bread, too. I snack way too much, it’s a real issue.” Jungwoo sighed, hoping to manage to make the shy Hybrid feel a little less scared. Jaehyun had started pulling on his collar to hide the bandages on his neck. His quiet and shy behaviour was very atypical for his breed, for dog Hybrids in general. It might be his personal behaviour, or it could be because he was still sick. Jungwoo found himself wondering how Jaehyun might develop once healed and once he had warmed up – only to stop himself.

What on earth was he doing? Was he already letting Taeil’s crazy rub off?

Jungwoo had no room to afford such woolgathering.

The grey cat Hybrid came from the kitchen, carrying a pot of what had to be the Kimchijigae.

“I like snacks, too. Taeyong-Hyung says it’s bad for the tummy, though.” Jaehyun softly offered.

Jungwoo’s eyes darted over to the cat, who had put down the pot.

“Because it is.” He said, voice stern, “If you bring up your insulin over the day you will constantly crave more sugar, not to mention your teeth suffer from never getting a break! Your enamel has to recover from being broken down or you will get cavities!”

Jungwoo froze.

Yuta came from the kitchen, carrying another pot of more Kimichi-soup and Jungwoo watched Taeyong quickly spread the bowls and cutlery.

Jungwoo knew he was being a fool, not for the first time today, but he was still shell-shocked, trying to compute.

Why did Taeyong know the reason for tooth decay? That was much too elaborate for a cat Hybrid to learn. Even more impressively, insulin? That he even knew the word seemed rather surprising, even if he was owned by a doctor.

Why was he so smart?

“Where did Doyoung go?” Taeil asked, filling glasses with water and Jungwoo forced himself to finally get his shit together and stop being the catastrophe-intern he had feared he’d be. It was fine. Taeyong had probably just heard about teeth somewhere and pieced it together.

Only, he shouldn’t be able to piece anything together.

Well.

Fuck.

Jungwoo really needed a cigarette. His fingers kept flitting over his pocket but there was nothing there to even let him rest assured he could later. Maybe, he’d stop by the closest convenience store once he was done for the day.

“I’m here.” Jungwoo startled, yet again, when the voice came from behind him.

“You really are easy to scare.” Yuta chuckled, obviously having observed the same thing Taeil had.

“I guess, I might be,” Jungwoo muttered and turned to see who had been the reason.

Unlike Jaehyun, who had barely looked at him, or Taeyong, who had been curious but friendly, or Yuta, who had almost permanently smiled, this Hybrid downright glared at Jungwoo. Of course, it was another Hybrid, not not a human. He hadn’t really expected this Doyoung to be anything but.

His eyes were dark and narrowed, and despite his floppy black bunny eats giving him a rather cute and harmless look, he looked anything but.

“Hello.” He walked past Jungwoo and into the kitchen, not even bothering to introduce himself. Jungwoo looked after him in utter bafflement.

Now, using _Hyung_ because their owner suggested it – weird, not what was proper, but okay.

This? This was just blatantly rude, disobedience to the highest level.

Frankly, Jungwoo felt a little bit miffed by now.

“Sorry, Doyoung’s going through puberty,” Taeyong softly explained and settled down on a chair.

“I am not!” the bunny’s voice came from the kitchen.

“Yes, he is, and we all suffer. Sit here, Hyung.” Yuta pulled out a chair and Jungwoo decided not to question his pre-decided placement on the table and sat down.

“Uh, how old is Doyoung?” he asked. The Hybrid had looked well over 14, puberty had to have long passed for him, there was barely puberty to speak of in Hybrids. That was just a fact, there were studies, textbooks, everything.

“He’s sixteen now, he used to be the youngest child, but now Jaehyun’s younger than him and I think that’s why he retracted to having temper tantrums again.” Taeil sighed deeply.

Ch-child?

“So, anyway, no one cares about Doyoung’s short fuse. Why did you come to Taeil-Hyung for your internship?” Yuta asked. Taeyong started serving the soup, but glance to the kitchen into which the bunny had disappeared and not since returned from.

“I was assigned by lot.” It seemed like Yuta had an endless stream of questions. It was also quite… odd. That he’d manage to think of so many, that was. That he’d voice them was obviously to be blamed on Taeil’s lax rules.

“By a lottery?” Taeil laughed, “That’s so unprofessional! Doesn’t K U normally think so highly of themselves?”

Jungwoo had thought the same thing, but there was something that stood out in the question. It made him immediately perk up and stick up for his university’s questionable decision process.

“Well, as second best in the country…”

“Third.” Taeil chimed in, a big smirk on his face.

Jungwoo felt his fingers twitch. No, no this was bad, very bad, he had promised Joohyun to not venture off the path of virtue… He pulled his mind out of the gutter and tried to imagine a very unattractive person in front of him, not his handsome boss with the hot smirk and easy wits.

“So, you studied at Yonsei then?” Jungwoo asked but it wasn’t a question.

“Of course, the second-best in the country.”

“Third.” Jungwoo corrected and Taeil’s eyes sparkled. Jungwoo’s gut clenched.

Yep, this would be a problem.

“We’ll just pretend that’s how it is, but we both know the truth, deep inside.” Taeil teased and took a sip of water, apparently deciding to be the bigger person.

“I see no issue with surprising the students with their internship spots,” Jungwoo lied. He did have a very big issue and no matter how gorgeous and funny Taeil might be, it didn’t make up for anything else he had to go through here.

“Where did you do your first internship then, Jungwoo-Hyung?” Taeyong asked and handed him a bowl of soup. The grumpy bunny came from the kitchen and settled next to the grey cat, but not without sending Jungwoo another glare.

He really wondered what he had done wrong?

Getting glared at, even by an unthreatening bunny Hybrid, didn’t sit well with Jungwoo. It made him anxious. It meant sticking out, if only to one person. One person having him on their radar was one person too many. There was a chance of consequences following that animosity – the type of consequences Jungwoo tried so hard to evade by blending in.

Everyone else seemed to ignore the bunny’s antics, so, that was what he was going to try as well.

“At Seoul National Hybrid Clinic.” Jungwoo carefully announced.

He usually wasn’t shy to boast about it. He had worked hard there and had worked hard to get there before that, but here it suddenly felt weird to do that. After all, he still wished that was where his current internship was, not here.

“Oh, no way. I did, too! Is Doctor Kwon still there?” Taeil gasped.

Jungwoo halted.

Taeil had worked there? He had learnt from the best in the country, yet, he was behaving the way he was?

“Yes, she is, but I never got to meet her. The place is quite big and she’s so far up the hierarchy she doesn’t really have anything to do with second-semester interns.”

Jungwoo carefully pushed the pork aside, while everyone started to dig in.

“Too bad. She wasn’t when I did my first internship and she was one of my mentors throughout. Her morals are quite good, as good as they get when you still suggest the treatment they do that is. I learnt a lot from her and she was the reason why I even got the idea to research insulin therapy in Hybrids. I owe her a lot.”

Everything Taeil said made so much sense in Jungwoo’s head.

He wanted to just go and believe it, wanted to think that, yes, it was super easy to transfer human treatments and medication onto Hybrids and ensure they suffered less. Taeil was just doing some regular work here, no reason to flip and no reason to believe he was crazy.

But how could it be?

Hybrids were incomparable to humans, which made all of this differentiation necessary in the first place. If just anyone could go and adjust a few things here and there to many basically any medication work, why wouldn’t that be taught in schools? If Hybrids should be treated just like humans, why were there courses and research on how to best approach them to fit their animalistic nature? Why was it repeated over and over and over that they were animals first, and humans second?

If this wasn’t where the fundamental differences were that made it possible to own Hybrids and treat them like pets, where else were you supposed to draw the line?

If there was no medical reason and justification, it suddenly became very blurred. The whole industry would be set up on lies.

That couldn’t be right.

He really needed a smoke.

“Jungwoo-Hyung, don’t you like meat?” Taeyong asked and Jungwoo nearly dropped his spoon.

“I, uh, it tastes really good! It’s just that I’m a vegetarian.” Jungwoo admitted, feeling bad. Why did he feel bad? This was a Hybrid, for heaven’s sake, he didn’t need to feel bad!

Yet, he still did.

“No way, really?” Yuta gasped, “I’ll sacrifice myself and take that off your hands then.” Without a second of hesitation, he started collecting the pork Jungwoo had pushed aside.

“I should have asked!” Taeyong looked devastated.

Jungwoo started to feel overwhelmed to the point of his brain shutting down.

Why did the cat know about the risks of snacking, why was the bunny going through puberty and throwing fits at 16, why were they so expressive and so attentive? So… open and uninhibited?

Why did it suddenly make him have the same crazy perceptions that Taeil seemed to have?

Jungwoo had thought he knew Hybrids.

But he felt like he had no idea at all, not when these four were displaying such a variety of different character traits and so much stronger emotions and better understanding of their surroundings than they should be capable of.

“I… it’s really no big deal.”

“No, I want to respect your preferences. Don’t worry. I always cook a vegetarian version for Doie anyway, I’ll just make more. Is there anything else you dislike? Or any allergies or sensitivities?”

“No, none.”

Taeyong nodded, looking happy with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Jaehyun, Border Collie](https://img.ohmymag.de/alternative/tier/border-collie_c276ca8d399eee73a1c079a8558d4d7cc1304846.jpg)  
[Taeyong, Russian Blue](https://azure.wgp-cdn.co.uk/app-yourcat/posts/russian_blue1.jpg)  
[Doyoung, Holland Lop](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/62/c9/c1/62c9c1780151f45896b7fa72f20b7521.jpg)  
  
This is what I imagine Taeil's [flat ](https://i.ibb.co/4P7qrxc/1-Taeil-s-Flat-V3.jpg)to look like.  
  
[CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	3. Chapter 3

By the time 4 pm came and Taeil released him from the colourful treatment rooms, Jungwoo was shaky and felt like he had been working one of the 24 hours shifts the human medicine students feared so much.

He bid Sooyoung goodbye, who was leaving as well, and stepped onto the street, taking a deep breath.

He could finally wake from this nightmare. A nightmare that was reality, or maybe not. It shouldn’t be. He had definitely been pushed closer and closer to the edge of insanity over the eight hours of Doctor Moon smiling at Hybrids and talking to them animatedly as well as the lunch with the constant stream of discussions and conversations.

None of it made sense. The only explanation was Jungwoo having lost it somewhere during the morning of Taeil’s odd and off-protocol behaviour.

He pulled out his phone and checked his messages.

_[from: Babe] [sent 3:52 pm]_

_Hey, are you done yet? <3_

_[to: Babe] [sent 4:02 pm]_

_Just finished ~~_

Jungwoo considered going straight to university and heading into the library, to find some book to explain his experiences of the day. Or to a Hybrid shop. Or to one of his friends who owned a Hybrids, to talk to them.

_[from: Babe] [sent 4:03 pm]_

_Come over? _

_I miss u <3_

_[to: Babe] [sent: 4:04 pm]_

_I’ll come once I’ve changed_

_[from: Babe] [sent: 4:05 pm]_

_U can come straight, I wanna hear abt ur day <3_

_[to: Babe] [sent: 4:06 pm]_

_I’ll tell you then_

Jungwoo groaned and pocked his phone, not feeling like putting up with more nagging.

The girl behind the counter of the convenience store down the block from ‘Heaven’ had her hair pushed back with a hairband and the circles under her eyes were purple.

“A pack of Marlboro. The reds.” She raised an eyebrow and Jungwoo tapped his fingers impatiently. “And a lighter.”

“Do I need to card you?” she asked though she looked like she was no older than he was.

“Can you hurry up to decide if you need to? I just want my tobacco.” Jungwoo knew he was rude and he hadn’t meant to be, but he had been waiting for this moment since waking up and was worn so thin, he couldn’t help it.

She shrugged and threw the two things over the counter.

He nearly dropped his credit card when he held it to the scanner to pay, and carelessly ripped open the plastic.

The lighter zapped four times before he managed to produce a flame and brought it up to the end of the cigarette between his teeth.

The first drag was heavenly.

Jungwoo held his breath for a second longer than he normally would have, before slowly letting it out. The shaking in his fingers finally stopped and Gangnam’s street seemed to slow down into just a normal street and not overbearing chaos.

He slowly made his way to the metro station. The first cigarette was burnt down quickly and Jungwoo’s mind was a little clearer when he stepped aside to pull out another and light it.

Slowly, he felt like himself again, no longer trapped in that nightmare – because it was just that, not reality. That had just been the stress making him start to believe what Taeil seemed to want to pretend was true when it wasn’t.

His tutor had been right. Doctor Moon was a nightmare of unprofessionalism and bias towards his collection of rebellious pets that he accredited with ridiculous capabilities. That had to be it. Nothing else could make sense. Jungwoo watched the smoke disappear into the damp summer air of Seoul and immediately took another drag, feeling the calming effect slowly bring his pulse back down.

How on earth was he supposed to make it through three months of this?

Jungwoo sighed when he heard the bass music boom through the door. It seemed like Joohyun had her girlfriend over – again. Jungwoo didn’t dislike her, not at all. She was a sweetheart most of the time, just like Joohyun was full-time, but music preferences were where it really ended between the two of them.

“I’m home!” he tried, knowing he didn’t stand a chance against the boxes. Carefully, he placed his shoes on the shoe rack, where everything was lined up neatly.

Jungwoo rolled his shoulders. He spotted a pack of opened Marlboro next to the mail, where he had left them in the morning, and put his new one next to it – already much too empty for having bought it just earlier.

He just had been stressed. It wasn’t like he normally did this. He wasn’t dependent or addicted or anything. It just helped.

Like by a miracle, his voice seemed to have reached and the music was turned off. Jungwoo came into the small living room the same moment Joohyun did.

“Hi, sweetie!” she beamed. Her girlfriend was tailing her and smiled.

“Hey, decent male being.”

“Hi darling, hi darling’s extension.” Jungwoo smiled back. He didn’t really have any ill feelings towards Jennie. Once upon a time, he had had, when he hadn’t been sure she was good company for his childhood best friend. Joohyun was precious, she was the only one he had left and he wasn’t going to let her be treated wrong by some pretty girl.

Though, most of it had probably just been him projecting from his own countless absolutely failed relationships.

Speaking of which. Jungwoo pulled out his phone and checked the screen.

_[from: Babe] [sent: 4:07 pm]_

_Aw okay_

_[from: Babe] [sent: 4:35 pm]_

_But I’ve really missed you, so don’t take too long, k? <3_

_[to: Babe] [4:52 pm]_

_Miss you, too ;)_

“Sit down, I’ll make you some tea. Tell me, how was the day? Is Doctor Moon as terrible as you expected?” Joohyun started filling the cattle and Jungwoo dropped himself on the sofa with a groan. Jennie elegantly hopped onto the counter and watched her girlfriend start fussing around.

Jungwoo really didn’t need tea, not while their AC was working hard to ensure they weren’t dying from the heat, but Joohyun was a strong believer in Chinese medicine and the concept of fighting fire with fire.

“I don’t know. I’m… confused.” He could actually use another cigarette. Just one.

“Confused? How so?”

“Okay, first of all, he’s really handsome, pretty funny, and extremely kind and so great with Hybrids.”

Both women groaned loudly.

“Jungwoo, no! No, we have an agreement and your _boss_?” Joohyun gasped.

“Well, he’s not really my boss. The university is responsible for the contracts and payment.”

“No. Listen, sweetie, you know I deeply care for you which is why I even tell you this: You can actually fuck up your career if you aren’t careful. You know how men are, with their fragile egos and masculinity. I don’t want to see you hurt.” Joohyun slipped onto the sofa next to him.

It was one of the few times when she was not trying to mask her words or keep them up for interpretation.

Jungwoo bit his lip. He knew Joohyun had a point. He knew her worries weren’t exaggerated or out of place at all. She knew just as well as he, that there were more people than not, who’d take an issue with his sexuality.

They both knew _very _well.

Which was why this was the only topic they never used overly polite words to avoid rubbing each other the wrong way. It was to keep each other safe.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend, anyway?” Jennie asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Jungwoo shrugged.

“I’m still not over how you were all up my ass about treating Joohyun right, meanwhile, you’re literally the worst boyfriend on the planet.” Jennie shook her head. Jungwoo swallowed. Where Joohyun limited her warnings to where it was strictly necessary, Jennie was much less inhibited.

But she was wrong.

“I’m not. That’s not really my point anyway, I get it’s not that great an idea. He’s also really weird and I’m not sure if he’s actually a borderline genius, or just lost it completely. I’m thinking it’s the second.” The longer he was away from the office in Cheongdam, the more he realised that had to be it.

“Huh? How so? Isn’t he just another independent doctor?” Joohyun looked confused. Her family owned a dog Hybrid, one of those Jungwoo had grown up with being babysat by.

“That’s the thing. I don’t think he is. That, or he’s living in complete delusion and I’ll be spending three months being taught by a maniac.”

“Sounds fun. Why did you even choose Hybrid medicine, you know there’s a bunch of perverts and a bunch of weirdos owning Hybrids? I’d not voluntary spend time with any of them.” Jennie asked.

“There’s not that many, most people just need company. And the field is really fascinating and versatile.” Especially if you went ahead and tried to readjust different treatments, that made it so much more interesting. Jungwoo felt his head start to throb.

None of this made sense.

“Anyway, I’ll get in the shower. I don’t know if I’ll be back tonight, I really need to take my mind off things.”

“Remember to take your toothbrush.”

“I have one at his place, but thanks, darling.”

“You have a toothbrush but I bet you don’t even know his career plans. Do you even know the field of studies he’s in?” Jennie had her arms crossed and looked at him challengingly. He didn’t like it.

“History,” he shot back, before doubt crept upon him, “I think.”

“See? You’re a terrible boyfriend.”

“We’ve not been together for long. Cut me some slack.”

“Good morning, I hope you got here well? There’s a leaf in your hair.” Taeil beamed up from his computer.

Jungwoo hurried to comb through the strands and, as he had said, a dry leaf fell to the ground.

“It was fine,” Jungwoo replied and started packing his belonging into his locker. There was a nearly empty pack of Marlboro among them today, so he could remind himself they would be there later. Not like he was dependant on them or anything, but it might help with the stress he was put through here.

“I know, rush hour is insane. I’m so glad I no longer have to suffer through it. Do you live in Anam?”

“Yeah, I do.” Jungwoo subtly sniffed on his shirt. It smelt of wash detergent after it had gone through emergency laundry yesterday. He was glad he had such a sweet boyfriend who had done it for him because he had accidentally fallen asleep.

Having suffered through the morning without his morning cigarettes had been worth it definitely – no trace of smoke lingered in the fibres.

“Dorms?” Taeil turned back to the computer and finished typing in whatever he had been busy doing.

“Oh, no. I live with my best friend from high school.”

“That’s nice. I was lucky enough to be spared the fate as well.” Taeil closed the tab and got up. Jungwoo was hardly surprised. Many people who studied at the top universities in the country came from money – actual money, not the upper-middle-class. Especially those who kept four Hybrids and opened up their own office fresh out of school had to have some resources to rely on that were probably far beyond what his own family had.

“So, since I think you got a bit of a feeling for how things go here yesterday and you’re here to learn the practical part about being a doctor, I figured we could go ahead and start that today, how about it?”

Jungwoo’s heart was suddenly in his throat.

He had done some very easy general check-ups before, they had also practised on each other in classes. Still, doing the real thing, in front of Taeil and owners, was something else entirely.

“O-okay.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t feed you to the lions. Our first patient of the day is Jaehyun. His bandages need to be changed every other day and he’s fine with you doing a small physical as well, just so you can give it a try one time and I can see how you go about it.” Taeil smiled and Jungwoo did not feel reassured whatsoever.

He did remember how Taeil had approached his patients yesterday. It didn’t need much guessing to know that was how he was expected to treat them as well. It felt wrong on all levels, but Jungwoo didn’t think it’d be too difficult. The examination posed the bigger threat, definitely.

He should have turned down the coffee his boyfriend had offered in the morning when he hadn’t even had had a smoke. Obviously a mistake on his part.

“I haven’t done a bandage change by myself yet.” He admitted. It shouldn’t be an issue. He was here to learn, after all. He still felt nervous having to admit his shortcomings. Jungwoo hated those, he preferred being prepared and on top of things at all times. Negative consequences were much easier avoided that way – which was his top priority: to not get backlash.

“Okay, don’t worry, you’ll get all the support you need. Jaehyun is an angel when it comes to these things. I also thought it’d be interesting if you tried to make a diagnosis regarding what his condition is. It’s always helpful to get a second approach and I’d love to see if K U is any good at teaching their students.”

Jungwoo started sweating a little. He had had some ideas yesterday, but actually being asked to do anamneses and diagnosis was so much more stressful than juggling some thoughts in his head.

“Okay,” Jungwoo heard himself almost squeak. God, this was so pathetic.

Taeil was still smiling and patted his arm, before leaving the room. It was a weirdly personal gesture, but Jungwoo appreciated it and hurried to follow.

Jaehyun was on the examination bed in room 2, his feet dangling. Yuta was on the desk chair by the computer, where Seulgi had been all day yesterday. He was twisting around himself, using the desk to gain new speed with every turn by pushing himself off.

It was about what Jungwoo had assumed a Hybrid to be doing in a doctor’s office.

Seeing them enter, he stopped, but dizziness seemed to catch up with him.

It was ridiculous.

Jungwoo decided to focus on Jaehyun, who had stopped moving and stared at the floor again. He looked as shy as yesterday when it had been hard to get him to speak to Jungwoo. It was somewhat cute and Jungwoo had probably already developed a soft spot for him.

It was really a very dumb idea to foster too much affection for the Hybrids of his boss, but he couldn’t help it. Hybrids were just so cute – that was what they were supposed to be.

“Good morning,” Jungwoo greeted.

“Morning,” Yuta replied, having collected himself and on the keyboard. Was he going to be taking protocol and assist, all the things Seulgi had done yesterday? Jungwoo had serious doubts he’d manage to keep up.

It wasn’t his problem, though. He had to show Taeil he was eager to learn and could adapt to his off-standard behaviour, no matter how wrong it sat with him. Taeil would write his letter of recommendation in the end, and Jungwoo would need that. A lot.

He had to adjust and fit in. He was good at that, at pretending and becoming part of the mass. So, he’d do just that.

To Taeil, asking the Hybrids to agree to whatever he did was important, unless it was a treatment that was needed, like a vaccination. Jungwoo had already concluded that for yesterday’s observations.

The problem with that and the reason why it was so ridiculous was: Hybrids didn’t have much reason in their thoughts, that was too complicated a thing for them to develop. They might say something, but it was similar to a little child, there was no rationality behind it, just something driven by instinct.

Jungwoo had to very sternly remind himself to not just fall for the coddling and humanisation Taeil practised. It was really easy to go down that road but it wouldn’t help him once he was to return to the real world, where people behaved non-crazy.

Still, here, in front of Jaehyun and Yuta, it was harder to banish the memories of attentive eyes and insightful questions from yesterday.

To make matters worse, Jungwoo would have to go and act how Taeil expected him to. It made it even harder to remember that this was all just an illusion and there was no reason to actually ask for any approval when he was already doing it.

Jungwoo felt back on the edge of insanity again, how he had had yesterday after a whole day filled with the madness that was treating Hybrids as humans. He had thought he had grounded himself in theoretical knowledge yesterday, but it seemed like all the scientific facts so easily wavered when faced with reality.

It shouldn’t be like that. A theory should describe reality. The question, why it didn’t, only made Jungwoo even more confused and stressed.

But there was no way out of this. He put on a smile and stepped over, trying to forget about Yuta playing nurse and Taeil watching.

“Hi Jaehyun, Taeil-Hyung said you were fine with me doing the examination and changing your bandages?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun softly agreed. What was next? Right, explain what he’d do, that’d help. His own doctor usually did the same when he went, so he’d just try and mirror what he would expect to be told and possibly warned about. Actually, considering his own wishes and worries and acting accordingly would make this a lot easier.

Was it a good idea to try and relate to a Hybrid, though?

Probably not. Jungwoo felt his jaw clench and unclench, but there was no other way to do this, not with Taeil being the one teaching.

“Alright. I’ll start with the examination before taking care of the bandages then.”

Jaehyun nodded and looked up, searching for Taeil. He wasn’t sure why, but probably because he was his owner. He might connect him to safety and he likely felt a bit insecure about Jungwoo if the shiness was anything to go by.

Jungwoo let his eyes travel over the scabs on his skin, taking them in more carefully than yesterday. Many of them had been scratched open, but some looked like they were in the natural healing stage of eczema. Probably not parasitic, since there were also new patches and Taeil would hopefully not be mad enough to have anyone waltz around bringing fleas or similar everywhere.

To be able to narrow it down, Jungwoo would have to ask some questions, but he wanted to get the basics out of the way first. He suddenly realised he’d need some instruments to actually do what he wanted to, and turned, only to startle when Yuta was suddenly next to him.

“It’s really hilarious how easy to scare you are.” Yuta laughed and held out a small wooden spatula and orthoscope. Jungwoo looked at both of them, blinking in confusion, before taking them. How had Yuta known that?

Well, he had probably watched enough times.

Yuta slipped back to the desk and Jungwoo focussed back on the task at hand and tried to ignore how very unmanly he had just acted. He didn’t have the luxury to freak out over that right now.

“Right, so it would appear we start with your throat.” He had usually started with the ears but he didn’t want to get the spatula dirty. He could adapt. Just how he had to right now, talking to Jaehyun and not Taeil. It felt wrong, so wrong, but he tried his best to ignore the urge to ask Taeil to relay, “Can you open up your mouth wide for me and push your tongue out?”

Jaehyun did as asked immediately and Jungwoo aimed the light to see better.

His throat was exactly how it should be, as were his ears, his heartbeat and lung, and abdomen.

Yuta scared him once more when he handed him the stethoscope, but other than that, Jungwoo got more comfortable the more he did. Not even talking to Jaehyun seemed as weird anymore.

That was probably an issue.

Jungwoo didn’t want to cross this line.

He needed to remember they weren’t equal. There were fundamental, scientific reasons why Hybrids were treated the way they were.

A smoke would really help him stay calm right now.

“Everything looks perfectly fine to me.” He turned to Taeil and realised the other had been watching attentively. “Would you like to check his blood pressure as well?”

“No, that’s won’t be necessary in his case,” Taeil smiled and looked satisfied with Jungwoo’s performance. He sighed in relief. “Just go on how you would, I’ll watch until you don’t know how to go on anymore.”

Jungwoo nodded and the pressure slammed back in full force making his fingers tremble.

Jaehyun was still in the long-sleeved shirt and pants, busy looking at the floor.

It suddenly felt crucial to make him feel more comfortable. That wasn’t something Jungwoo had ever bothered about before, no one else had either, but he’d have to get Jaehyun out of his clothing, at least the majority of it, and if he was still so timid it felt cruel to do that.

Was that too far? Was he leaving the professional mode and turning into some delusional Hybrid-fanatic now?

He at least wanted to warn him what he’d do and that it shouldn’t be scary.

“I’ll start with taking your bandages off. To do so, could you please take off your shirt and trousers? I might have some questions, so I can understand what is going on with your skin.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun nodded and glanced up carefully before getting up and undressing.

Jungwoo realised whoever had patched him up, had really gone all in. His arms, legs, and neck were completely covered. His torso was free, but Jungwoo immediately spotted a few patches that looked fresher and others that had residue cream on them. There were scratch marks over them as well. That really stood out as an issue. If constantly agitated, the skin would heal much slower and scar much worse.

Jungwoo started unwrapping from the legs, which automatically let him take a breather from feeling torn between finding Jaehyun cute, wanting to please Taeil, and trying to keep himself sane and on the path of professionalism.

As he went, he tried to run through checklists of symptoms in his head. He tried to take the healthy skin’s texture into consideration, as well as sizing, location, and development of the fresh spots.

The further up he got, the more scarring marked the skin where it wasn’t currently broken or so dry it flaked white.

“Did you have this all your life?” he asked but already assumed to know the answer. This much damage wouldn’t result from a short term infection.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun’s voice was shaky, sounding close to tears.

“You said your favourite subject was chemistry? What did you learn?” Jungwoo asked, hoping to distract. If he mixed the questions about his condition with some about his interests, he might avoid making Taeil’s Hybrid cry. Distraction always worked well. Not only did that sound like a good idea to appease his boss, but he also really didn’t want to make anyone cry.

Was this still professional? Had anyone at Seoul National ever cared? He remembered there had been a lot of crying, that was just what happened when there were pain and suffering.

Jungwoo felt his fingers shake worse. He really wished there’d be a way to smoke and not smell of it, but there wasn’t. He wasn’t dependant on it or anything, but this was just so stressful! He didn’t want to have to wonder if he was venturing off in dangerous territory here.

The issue was less how it was ridiculous to make Hybrids something they weren’t.

The issue was how easy it’d be, how easy to argue for it.

And then?

The second he opened that box of Pandora, there’d be a whole mountain of follow-up questions. If Jungwoo started questioning here, it was like pulling from the lowest level of a house of cards, making the whole thing collapse like a big, fat lie.

“Uh, currently, Doyoung-Hyung helps me with biochemistry because that’s important to know about in medicine.”

Jungwoo nearly ripped the bandage he was currently trying to carefully get off a wet patch of skin.

“Bio...Biochemistry? Ah, yeah, that’s actually a big part of medicine,” and also extremely advanced. He had expected, at best, there’d be some basics regarding acids and bases, maybe a simple reaction like Natrium and Chlor.

“Yeah, um, yeah, I’d like to become a nurse, too. Taeil-Hyung said I could when I’m older because you can’t work before 16 in South Korea, that’d be child labour and yeah. But I need to study a lot. I really like it, though.”

Jungwoo had finished unwrapping the left arm and turned to the neck next.

“And Doyoung helps you?” Jungwoo very clearly remembered Doyoung.

That a dog Hybrid would be able to comprehend biochemistry, which was considered one of the hardest subjects in medical school, was already shocking, but a _bunny_?

Jungwoo couldn’t believe it. He really couldn’t. And he didn’t want to.

The whole reason why it was okay to keep bunny Hybrids as servants, how people did, was that their minds were so simple and their sentience so low. They were there to entertain sexually, for crying out loud, you couldn’t just do that to a person that was smart enough to study fucking Biochemistry – if they’d grasp that, they’d understand everything else as well.

The emotional damage that would be done by blatantly disregarding them as people who’d be able to consent…

Jungwoo felt sick.

This couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t, who would be this horrible, this cruel?

He sucked in some air in an effort to calm himself, but without the familiar bitterness of tar and nicotine, it didn’t help him much.

“Yeah, Doyoung-Hyung’s really smart. Even if he doesn’t know something right away, he’s usually the best at reading the textbook and understanding it, so he can usually explain it to me. If he doesn’t, I have to ask Taeil-Hyung but he works so much.”

Jungwoo glanced over to Taeil, but the doctor was still watching, face set in concentration. He swallowed.

“It sounds like you’re really dedicated. That’s important to succeed.” He really didn’t know what else to say. His voice was probably as shaky as his fingers, but he couldn’t help it.

He needed a distraction from distracting Jaehyun.

“Thank you.”

He had finished to unwrap Jaehyun and let his eyes wander over the skin. He had to focus on this, and suggest possible reasons for my he was suffering, not mope about what-ifs, and ridiculous and downright groundbreaking theories regarding Hybrids’ intelligence and sentience.

No one would listen to those anyway.

It was a waste of time to even think about them twice.

So, he forced himself to pay attention to Jaehyun’s skin, which was much more important right now.

It looked both incredibly sensitive and was rough from all the scarring and scabbing at the same time.

“Did you get treated for your skin before Taeil-Hyung did?”

Jaehyun hesitated for a moment, then shook his head. Jungwoo wasn’t surprised. He was actually surprised his breeder hadn’t just put Jaehyun down. It was good he hadn’t, Jungwoo didn’t think he’d deserve that fate. From an economic point of view, it would have been reasonable, though.

“Do you get what feels like a cold in spring? Sneezing, watery eyes?”

“No, I don’t have hay fever, I don’t have any other allergic reactions.”

Jungwoo had to keep up with Jaehyun already jumping to his next question.

He looked for Taeil again. “Since it’s chronic and you already treated him, you surely checked for bacteria, right?”

“Yes, it’s not.” Taeil nodded.

“It’s itchy, isn’t it?”

Jaehyun nodded.

“Did you do bloodwork?”

“Do you want the results?” Yuta asked.

“Yeah,” Jungwoo nodded. He wanted to do check them himself instead of just asking Taeil. He forced himself to not wonder why Yuta had already been a step ahead again, why he knew all these things he probably shouldn’t. He repeated the different symptoms he had spotted over and over, just to keep his mind busy and from wandering.

He really needed a smoke to help him cope.

The printer hummed and Yuta held out a sheet.

Jungwoo let his eyes travel over it. “There’s still pretty high indicators for allergies.”

“So that’s where you’d continue to look? Or is there something else you’d test for?” Taeil asked.

“Allergies or autoimmune would be the two I’d check since it’s not bacterial.” Jungwoo quickly answered, feeling himself fall into testing mode. The challenge was more than welcome.

“Yep, exactly. I’ll let you off the hook, I already did all that when Jaehyun came. All the signs suggest atopic dermatitis.”

Jungwoo nodded. That had been one of his suspicions as well. It was common in human children but would usually get better with age. Well, not always. Obviously. But that might be why he hadn’t been put down: the breeder surely had expected the issue to resolve itself.

Without any treatment, that was a bit ridiculous, but Jungwoo knew breeders tended to be very stingy. They needed to keep costs in mind while raising Hybrids since it often was their livelihood. Jungwoo could kind of understand – but also not really, especially looking at the state Jaehyun was in right now and knowing he might have been off better if someone had cared earlier.

“Do you have a suggested treatment?”

“Good skin care is very important to keep eczema under control. It also helps it feel a bit less itchy. At the stage it’s currently at, I think cortisone would help, as well as the bandages. I’d keep those because they also help to lessen the scratching. I understand it’s itchy, but that’s a wicked circle. You scratch, and it gets worse and then it itches more. To break it, you have to try and let your skin calm down and heal.”

Jaehyun bit his lip and nodded.

Damn.

Jungwoo had just addressed him without even meaning to.

This was already worse than he had thought it was.

Trying to stay calm over slowly becoming a crazy person, too, Jungwoo eyed Jaehyun’s face.

Somehow, he felt like Jaehyun knew all too well he shouldn’t scratch but still did.

“Yes, that’s exactly right. Which is why I’ve been using a cream with Hydrocortisone,” Taeil agreed, bringing Jungwoo back from trying to read the dog Hybrid’s expression.

Getting Jaehyun wrapped back up wasn’t nearly as difficult as Jungwoo had feared. Yuta offered a helping hand and he found himself starting to regret referring to him as a mascot. He had done everything a nurse should so far. He hadn’t only done it, he had done it very well.

Which didn’t make him feel any less like someone had just ripped the floor from underneath his feet the second he let his mind wander to the implications behind that.

When they left room two, half an hour later, Jungwoo’s head was already swimming and he had to push his hand into his back pocket to constantly remind himself he didn’t have any cigarettes on himself and couldn’t use them to get over this. Not like he needed, but it’d make this easier. By a lot.

“Hyung? I have a quick question.” Jungwoo whispered and Taeil stopped.

“Go ahead, Yuta, I’ll be right there.” Taeil sent the dog off and turned to Jungwoo.

“Jaehyun knows he shouldn’t scratch, doesn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“He still does.”

“Yeah. I guess it’s because he’s young. He’s only been with me for two months. You can’t imagine how he looked when I got him.” Taeil swallowed and took a deep breath. Jungwoo felt his heart sink. He grabbed the fabric of his trousers tighter, “They had shorn off all his hair and his fur, there was hardly any left, to begin with, god, it was gruesome. I know he still looks bad, but it’s so much better than how it was.”

Jungwoo nodded. “I’m glad you treat him, but… I think you should shorten his nails, so he can do less damage.”

Taeil hesitated, visibly torn.

“I don’t want to patronise him by dictating his looks. Hybrids are pressed into such tight confinements and have their personality pre-decided for them by their breeders and later by their owners – I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to go and tell him to cut his nails, basically making rules for his body. I’m trying to help him undo the damage that has been done to him, but he’s not been with me for long. He’s very calm and affectionate by nature and still stuck in these ways they put him into. I know he’d immediately fall back into them because he thinks that’s how he’s supposed to be instead of discovering his own, unique personality.”

“Uh, I don’t think I follow?”

“I don’t feel comfortable with that, they’re their own people.”

“No, about that… pre-decided personality? How?” Jungwoo felt like he shouldn’t ask. He wouldn’t like the answer.

But how could he not?

Could he really go, be a doctor, and close his eyes to what might be just because it made him feel nauseous?

Wasn’t that a very clear sign he should pay extra attention to it?

Because he might be on a very destructive path?

“Oh, that. I can explain it to you in greater detail. Or maybe one of the kids can. I think you realised it yourself, didn’t you? That they’re not really how you think they should be.”

“No… they’re too smart.” Jungwoo felt like he was going to throw up just allowing himself to say the words. They were smart, complex, curious beings, who were not at all fit to be sold as wares.

Yet they still were.

“Too smart for what people tell you. I know. But that’s not on purpose to confuse someone, nor do I force them to learn things by heart to appear smarter when they aren’t. All I do is take away all the boundaries they grew up in and have internalised. It takes time, but you can very quickly see that these people-pleasing personas are trained behaviour. They’re indoctrinated to the point where they get fitted a whole new personality according to what people expect to receive when they buy what is a cute slave with a tail.”

Jungwoo tried to stomach these words, but Taeil threw him right into business. He had to focus on listening to heartbeats, looking for redness, and running down lists of symptoms to suggest whatever issue might bug the patients in front of him.

It was fulfilling. Not once did Taeil ask a mean question just to trip him into making a mistake. On the contrary, he made Jungwoo look smarter than he actually was in front of the owners.

Of course, seeing these Hybrid suffer wasn’t fun. Especially those who cried made Jungwoo’s heart break a little, but he knew he could help them, so he felt more hopeful and satisfied with every patient taken care of.

Despite the distraction, the thoughts that Taeil’s words had sparked wouldn’t leave him alone. Because he had no reason to write them off as crazy talk: they matched what he had observed. They explained why Jungwoo’s past experienced didn’t seem to fit these new ones he was making here.

Normally, he would have just expected the owner to shorten the Hybrid’s nails.

Now, he could see where Taeil was coming from in being apprehensive.

Worse, he could understand why he’d call them slaves with tails.

And it made him feel sick to the stomach and his body tremble in anxiousness.

He really needed a smoke.

The entrance hall was perfectly clean today, all shoes either put away or in straight lines and not a speck of dust anywhere to be seen.

Jungwoo tried to focus on putting his shoes in the exact extension to not make them stick out and not on how badly he needed to go outside and smoke. He tried to not think about how much he wanted to go to the library and reason away what he deep down knew made more sense than what he had been made belief.

He wanted to stop feeling like he was in the shambles of a lie he had been living all his life.

He wanted to stop feeling like he had been witness and contributor to murders, to abuse both physical and emotional, for years, and years, and years, and would continue on to be because that was how society worked. These ideas? They sounded crazy if you didn’t have Yuta clicking through patient files and readying vaccinations without even being instructed to, Doyoung teaching Jaehyun biochemistry, or Taeyong being upset over having given him meat, right in front of you.

“Jungwoo-Hyung, do you like leek?” Taeyong asked, poking his head through the door, and today, Jungwoo didn’t feel like he shouldn’t know of his existence in Taeil’s house. Instead, he felt like his stomach turned twice when he immediately connected Taeyong to what should and would have been his fate if it weren't for Taeil.

He managed to force a smile to return, “Yes, I do.”

“Oh, that’s such a relief because Doie wanted to have leek soup and wouldn’t give in when I said you might not like it, but then it’s all good!” Taeyong twirled back into the living room and kitchen.

“Do you actually like leek?” Yuta asked, having taken the time to line up his shoes as well.

“Yeah?”

Yuta shrugged, “Just asking.”

“That’s a relief then,” Taeil mumbled, “Sorry about Doyoung. I’m not really sure what his issue is.”

Jungwoo tried to keep the smile on, but it felt straining on his muscles now.

“Doyoung’s issues start the moment he gets up in the morning and a particle of dust crosses over from left to right rather than the other way around. I told you, he’s going through puberty.” Yuta nodded, then left to find food.

“Sixteen is too late for puberty in a Hybrid,” Jungwoo muttered when Yuta was out of sight.

“Is it, though? It’s not too late in a male human, so why should it be in a male Hybrid?” Taeil disagreed.

“Yeah. Yeah, I wonder the same thing.” Jungwoo took a calming breath but, again, missed the bitterness that promised relief to his anxiety.

“Questioning is good. And I’ll try to talk to Doyoung and see if we can fix whatever makes him apparently despise you. I promise, I’m not just a lovesick parent that can’t see any wrong in their child, he’s actually normally not like this.”

Child.

Right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	4. Chapter 4

Just like yesterday, Doyoung kept glaring at Jungwoo during lunch, but Jaehyun seemed to have warmed up a little.

For some reason, that made Jungwoo ridiculously happy and proud, and it even helped distract him to the point that he could eat and not throw up for real.

For a second, he wondered how on earth he should go back to classes after these new experiences and insights? How he was supposed to talk to his friends as normal when he knew they treated their Hybrids completely wrong, hurting them in the process?

What else was he supposed to do, though?

He shouldn’t think about it. Especially when he couldn’t go and have a smoke to help rationalise.

“So, we thought about it and were really curious why you and Taeil-Hyung were bickering about university rankings yesterday. Hyung was embarrassed and wouldn’t tell us.” Taeyong’s eyes were round and full of curiosity.

Jungwoo’s thoughts strayed to imagining Taeyong silent and with a downturned head in the corner, how the cat Hybrids he had seen in other people’s homes had usually behaved. He nearly dropped his spoon despite the leek soup being excellent.

He couldn’t let himself think about it.

“It’s not much, let’s not warm up stale tea.” Taeil flushed a light pink and Jungwoo’s eyes lingered for a moment longer than they should have. It looked cute, he looked even younger like that.

“Is it very embarrassing?” Jaehyun carefully asked.

“No, it’s just a rivalry between our universities. I think it’s as old as time.” Jungwoo explained. Uni, that was a safe topic, right?

Only, he now was reminded he’d have to go back there and listen to why Hybrids were this and that when they clearly weren’t.

“As old as time?” Jaehyun echoed.

“So as old as the universities would be.” Taeyong clarified and Jaehyun nodded quickly. Jungwoo realised Jaehyun did, in fact, not know more elaborate metaphors and words – just how he had expected.

But not because he was too dumb to understand them, but because no one had taught them. And now, Taeyong was doing that job that had been neglected previously. He shouldn’t be able to, even less than Jaehyun, but he very clearly was. Jungwoo counted his breathing pattern in his head and focussed on a stationary point to keep his nausea under control.

“How old are they? When were they founded?” Taeyong asked.

“Korea University, which is the one I go to, was founded in 1905, meanwhile Yonsei has much less of rich history, it was only founded in 1957.” Jungwoo smiled through feeling like having to go back in time and warning them to look back into the subjects they’d teach in the future. Thankfully, he was good at keeping up a smile when he felt like doing anything but.

“A hundred years isn’t very old anyway. There are universities in Europe that date back to the medievals.” Doyoung grumbled and Jungwoo didn’t miss it was a direct stab. But where he had been annoyed with the disobedience yesterday, he brushed it off as teenage-moodiness today.

There the issue was: it was so, so easy to do this, it felt natural to adjust and see them as humans just like him rather than pets. Jungwoo had never been one to struggle with accepting differences in people – it felt like that made things easier and harder at the same time now.

Harder because outside, this treatment would get him the label ‘batshit crazy’ he had given Taeil yesterday.

“Don’t listen to Jungwoo. Yonsei dates back to 1885, but of course, a K U student would conveniently ignore than and also ignore that Korea University technically was only founded in 1946.” Taeil immediately defended.

Taeyong and Jaehyun’s eyes darted between the two of them.

“Hyung, why didn’t you write the internship out at Yonsei university when you get all protective about it?” Yuta asked, seemingly the voice of reason.

Taeil sucked air through his teeth and Doyoung cleared his throat loudly.

Jungwoo realised that was an excellent question. He’d have to get used to this, but the conversations with the Hybrids were actually very interesting and they contributed a lot to them.

What was he supposed to do next time one of his friends had their Hybrid sit under the table? Could he go and tell them that was inhumane?

But Hybrids weren’t human, even if they were much closer than anticipated. Or were they?

He had to find an explanation for this, all of this. Something scientific, that’d help him clear his mind.

“Yeah, Hyung, why?” Jaehyun asked as well.

“Right, uh, they would have not have taken it. Not the university’s fault, it’s still the second-best in the country, but I didn’t exactly leave on good terms with the head of the Hybrid medicine department.”

Jungwoo wasn’t even sure he had ever seen the head of the department and Taeil had left of bad terms with him?

It was somehow oddly impressive.

“He’s the worst anyway,” Doyoung added.

“Yeah, it was good riddance. But I had to look elsewhere for an intern since I wanted one. Well, and I think rivalling uni or not, I got pretty lucky,” Taeil beamed and Jungwoo’s heart did a little flip.

Oh no.

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.

_[to: Darling <3] [sent: 4:12 pm]_

_I’ll be back late <3_

_Need to get something out of my system_

_Might go to the library later_

The bitter smoke tasted rich on Jungwoo’s tongue when he let it pass his lips slowly. The street’s noise was a background buzz, omnipresent but bearable, now, that he had managed to calm his fingers from shaking and his head from throbbing.

He’d find an explanation. For everything.

There had to be one, as well as a suggestion out of this misery and confusion he found himself in.

Right?

_[from: Darling <3] [4:15 pm]_

_Have fun, remember to ask your bf if he wants to come to the Noraebang on Sat._

_[to: Darling <3] [4:16 pm] _

_Yeah, maybe_

_I kinda don’t wanna_

_[from: Darling <3] [4:16 pm]_

_Love you but what you’re doing makes you just a bit of an asshole_

_Just saying, you know I don’t mean any harm <3_

Jungwoo dropped the stub to the ground and stepped on it, suffocating the end. The last of the smoke disappeared into the damp Seoul summer air and he scrolled through meaningless conversations on his phone as he descended the stairs into Seoul’s metro system.

Was he an asshole? It was always a little hard to tell how Joohyun meant things – how people generally meant things. It was easy to step on toes, everything was masked in politeness and jokes all the time.

His eyes caught in the profile picture of his sister. She must have changed it recently. He tapped it to open it in full screen. He spotted his mother next to her, as well as a puppy.

Did his parents own a pet now? Or his sister? Jungwoo swallowed and closed the image. Whatever.

His t-money card beeped on the reader and he didn’t have to wait for long until the train pulled into the station. Jungwoo waited for the men and women to get off, before squeezing himself inside.

Going back and forth over the river really was annoying. It took too long.

Jungwoo bounced his leg.

He was still feeling nauseous, but he also felt worked up.

Finding explanations took time and patience that he didn’t have if he kept thinking about _it_.

He’d get that out of the way first, forget about Taeil’s smile, his blushed face, his gentle voice, and his occasional smirks.

He was his boss.

It was a terrible idea! Blending in was the most important thing, this was the exact opposite of what Jungwoo should be doing.

“Hey, Hyung, I was so surprised when I read your text you were coming over! I showered in a hurry, are you hungry?”

“Not really. Just really tired.” Jungwoo smiled and once the door was securely shut behind him, he leaned down for a kiss.

“Want to tell me about you… ah,” Jungwoo snug a hand around his boyfriend’s neck to keep him in place and easily opened his lips with his tongue, licking into his mouth hungrily.

No, he didn’t want to talk about it.

“Slow, Hyung, oh my god.”

“I’ve been thinking about this since noon.”

“About me?”

“Yes,” the lie came so easily, dropping from his lips like it was the truth.

“Aw, I know, I’m too sexy to pass up.”

Jungwoo didn’t bother entertaining the other with an answer but easily closed the distance between them again. He pushed his hands under his boyfriend’s shit and started exploring the skin there.

“Are… are you sure you don’t want to talk about your day?”

“We can do that later.”

Jungwoo made the other raise his arms and rode him off the unnecessary piece of clothing.

“But you never… ohmygod, okay whatever.”

A bit over an hour later, Jungwoo slipped from the flat, his boyfriend fast asleep on his bed despite it being barely six.

He decided to pass on the bus and walk to the library. It wasn’t far from here.

Some of his issues had been taken care of, but he had only momentarily forgotten about the big questions.

At least the nausea, he had fought with all-day, had lifted and he could collect his thoughts because they were no longer clouded by fantasies of forbidden desires.

Jungwoo reached into his back pockets and pulled out one of the cigarettes left in the pack. The lighter zapped only once before it produced the flame Jungwoo wanted, and he held it to the end of the stick.

The first drag was delicious and Jungwoo relished in how it scratched in his throat.

Where should he even start to look? He had written plenty of academic papers for his courses, yet none of his many sources had ever suggested seeing Hybrids as.. well, _humans with animal appendages_.

It was always _animals with human looks_.

Jungwoo sighed deeply and opened his messenger app. He had forgotten to ask about the Karaoke on the weekend.

Well.

Not really.

He didn’t want his boyfriend there. He didn’t see any reason to bring him. Those nights out with Joohyun’s friends were always those nights he felt the best. He didn’t need his boyfriend there.

He took another drag of his cigarette, quickly reading through group chats he had been added to but had no true interest in. He answered someone who tried to organise a game night. He didn’t want to go, but what other choice did he have? He wanted to fit in, he wanted to have friends, so, he had to attend.

Jungwoo closed the app and pulled out the student ID that granted him access to the big library building in the medical department. He pushed the stub of his cigarette into the designated bin at the entrance and the lock beeped in confirmation, opening.

“Oh wow, you look like crap. Did you forget to sleep?” Yuta grinned and Jungwoo rubbed his face squishing his cheeks to help him look a bit more awake. It was one of the things the guys he was friends with would say and that made him feel self-conscious about not looking good enough. Even though Yuta had said it in good spirit, Jungwoo still couldn’t stop worrying to not be enough.

“I didn’t. At least not fully, I just got stuck at the library.”

“Do you have uni? I thought you’d be free from classes for the internship?”

“I am. I had some extracurricular research to do.” Jungwoo smiled tiredly.

It was weirdly easy to tell Yuta all this. He didn’t know why, normally, the only person he’d overshare to would be Joohyun. Maybe it was because Yuta actually listened and asked back to hear more instead of immediately going on about his own issues or waving Jungwoo’s story off.

“Was it at least successful?”

Jungwoo sighed deeply.

“No… no, I can’t say it was.”

“Bummer. What did you research?”

Jungwoo felt heat rise to his face, searching for words.

“Oh no, was it the Top Ten most common kinks in the bedroom?” Yuta gaped at him, eyes wide.

“What?” Jungwoo heard his own voice as barely a whisper of panic.

“Don’t worry, I won’t judge you. Everyone has something that gets them going.” Yuta nodded like he was explaining dental care to a pre-schooler.

“I didn’t! How… how on earth did you jump to that conclusion?” Jungwoo gasped.

“I just guessed what’d make you panic the most. Sorry, I just like teasing a little.” Yuta patted his arm, grinning again, “You have some really funny expressions, I probably won’t be able to hold back in the future if it’s so easy.”

“Uhm, okay… sure…” The thought that this was not exactly good behaviour crossed his mind for a second. Jungwoo felt the conflict between what should be and what was make him feel stressed again. If he had a scientific explanation, proof, anything, to tell himself he wasn’t going bonkers, it’d make this a lot easier.

He hadn’t found any. So the explanation he was on the route en becoming a lunatic was still the most fitting – Jungwoo really needed a smoke.

At least the examinations seemed to be easier today. The movements were slowly becoming a routine, though not near as easy and practised as Taeil’s.

Even talking to Hybrids felt more natural, or maybe that was just him slowly but surely losing his grip on reality and his professionalism before he had even properly developed it. Who knew? Not Jungwoo.

The bone-deep exhaustion from only getting two hours of nightmare fuelled sleep didn’t help. To top it off, he had skipped the relieving morning smoke yet again and Jungwoo realised he could probably not keep doing that.

It wasn’t that he was dependant on it or anything, but there were so many stressors thrown at him. If only he didn’t know he shouldn’t really be smoking…but it was just so much easier when he did. And everyone else did, too. If he denied the cigarette, he’d stick out weirdly with his friends.

“You look like you slept too little.” Taeil softly pointed out after Seulgi had put the computer into energy-saving mode and waved them goodbye to leave for her lunch break.

“Yeah, just, some… things I had to do. Sorry, did I slack off?” Jungwoo felt embarrassed that even his boss had noticed.

“No, don’t worry, I feel like today was already an improvement from yesterday. I mean, not like it was bad yesterday or anything but, uh, today was more, like, smooth. Yeah, so. It’s a good thing. But your under-eyes are really dark. I mean, not like I would have stared at them to observe or anything, I just noticed because uh, yeah, just noticed.”

Jungwoo smiled at the panicked awkwardness. That was a change from the easy and calm confidence Taeil usually portraited. It was really charming in its own way.

Damn, no, not down that path, not again!

“Did you do research yesterday?”

“Huh? What?” Jungwoo blinked, thrown off track by Taeil hitting bull’s eye on what he had done last night.

“About Hybrids and their mental complexity? Smartness?”

Jungwoo hesitated a moment, but it didn’t seem like Taeil found that to be a bad thing.

“Yeah, at least tried to find something. There’s not… much, or, well, anything, not really.” He admitted softly. He didn’t want to tell Taeil he was quite sure he was crazy and he himself was losing his marbles at a quick rate, too.

“Would you like some help? I could give you a few pointers.”

“You could? Did you actually find something?” Jungwoo was suddenly wide awake.

“Of course. There’s plenty, but it’s all buried under the more popular studies. Probably not an accident it’s so hard to dig out.”

“Yes! Please! Please, I need… I mean. That’d be great.” Jungwoo cleared his throat and forced himself to calm down. Wow, this was pathetic.

“You need something to explain it scientifically, right? I felt like you would yesterday. I’m really glad to hear you went to look for it. I’m not just saying this. I know I got lucky with you.” Taeil smiled and yep, there the heart racing was again. Great. This was all working so well for Jungwoo.

“I mean, uh, I couldn’t not, right?” Jungwoo’s mind went back to all the things that made him feel nauseous and he tried to breathe through the feeling with little success. He was really sick of feeling sick.

“Yeah, you could. There’s more than enough people who look away and decide to just roll with the system. You’re in the role where it doesn’t affect you, you’re privileged enough to just decide it’s not your problem and it wouldn’t be.”

“I know, but I morally couldn’t do that. I’m not that terrible of a person. I got into medicine because I wanted to help beings regardless of their biology.”

“I like that approach.” Taeil nodded approvingly and Jungwoo felt happy for a second, but not longer. There were too many crushing doubts to hold onto the feeling and find relief.

“But… say… all what you stand for, how you treat patients, and how your Hybrids behave, say that would be their nature – then we, as humans, would just… suppress it and exploit them?” It wasn’t really a question, but Jungwoo wished Taeil would tell him he was wrong.

He didn’t want to be right, not this time.

“That’s essentially what happens, yes, The denial of education is often called a modern form of slavery.”

“But they’re not only denied an education, but they’re also kept as possessions,” Jungwoo added softly.

“Yes.”

“And made to work for free as nannies, guards, housekeeper… prostitutes.”

“Yes.”

“And… killed… if they no longer profit their owners.”

“Yes.”

Jungwoo’s fingers were shaking so uncontrollably now, he had to clutch them together to mask it.

“That’s… bad.”

“You actually look like you’ll pass out, Jungwoo, do you want to sit down? I guess realising all of it at once could be a little overwhelming.”

Jungwoo nodded weakly and dropped onto the examination bed. He really needed a smoke. He needed to clear his head and calm down. He was being unprofessional, he shouldn’t let emotions get the better of him. He just couldn’t make them shut up without some help. He hated it!

“How… how could anyone do this… to a person?” he heard his own voice tremble.

How could _he_ do this to people? Directly and indirectly? All the times he had told a Hybrids off when they got just a little too free-spirited, all the times he had just accepted that Hybrids were told to stand and sit around like decoration, and, worst of all, all the time he had calculated medication for a period of time and then compared it to the Hybrid’s possible selling price…

“Honestly? I don’t really know how it got to this point. Some of the studies I’d suggest you read were conducted by the original lab in Japan, right around the time the first experiments were successful, a century ago. I can only assume the Hybrids turned out to be too humane, with all the flaws we have.

“They made them with a certain idea in mind. And if they couldn’t biologically modify them to fit it, there were other ways to ensure Hybrids would be below humans and serve them without asking questions. It’s similar to how cults work: indoctrination, from little on. Brainwashing, if you will. The Hybrids are almost incapable of questioning things because they were raised to not have any doubt.”

“That’s disgusting. I’m disgusted with myself for falling for such a system.” Jungwoo hid his face in his trembling hands, trying to will all nausea and devastation away.

Unfortunately, it didn’t work. He shouldn’t be showing this much vulnerability. It wasn’t manly, it wasn’t professional. But he couldn’t help himself, not when Taeil talked so calmly and his words all made so much sense, yet delivered such horrifying news.

“Well, you can’t help what you’re raised in. It’s like racism and sexism, we all grow up in it and have to actively unlearn it. Privilege is something you get without having to do anything for it because it’s a social construct that doesn’t need to be worked for. The first step is to acknowledge it’s there, and then stop using it when you know that will always hurt others. Later, there are more things you can contribute, but you don’t start with W when counting the alphabet.”

Jungwoo felt like breathing became a little easier. He hadn’t expected to be consoled, he hadn’t expected to even be understood, he had expected to be shamed for his narrowmindedness.

Taeil sounded judgement-free. Sad, maybe, but not like he despised Jungwoo and would kick him from his internship tomorrow.

The understanding and the support made it easier to open up more, ask what he normally wouldn’t have:

“But how can I… do that? How can I even be a Hybrid doctor and not hurt them by being part of the system?”

“By not being. You can’t help every Hybrid out there, you can’t get every owner to pay for treatments, and you can’t make all people stop abusing their Hybrids. But you can offer these treatments and help people realise they owe their Hybrids the care they deserve because they decided they wanted to own another being and thus purchased this responsibility together with them. You can talk to people and try to make them understand the same thing you did.

“And, most importantly, you can educate yourself to learn everything there is to know about Hybrids and not limit yourself to the school taught ideas that often were fabricated by some professors in closed offices. Yeah, you have to get through school, that’s the sucky part, but it’s only a few years and after that, you can actually evoke change. The owners of my patients come here expecting the normal treatment. I’m the one showing them these other ways to go about it. I can make a difference, one Hybrid life at a time.”

Jungwoo took a shuddering breath and nodded.

He couldn’t remember anyone giving him such an honest opinion with so much support in the raw truth in… very long.

Maybe because people wouldn’t listen in the first place, wouldn’t bother going deeper than surface level.

Jungwoo was the same.

He’d not normally even ask these things.

Yet, with Taeil it had been so easy.

Just how talking to Yuta had been so easy.

Easy and… comfortable.

“That… yeah, that makes sense, that’s actually good, yeah, I… I want that, I always wanted to help others and yeah…”

“Yes, you said so.” Taeil smiled, “If you’re willing to learn, there’s a lot I would like to teach you. You can try and find your own way to make a change after these three months and once you’re licenced and all. I don’t have all the answers and my way isn’t universally right, I’d just like to share my experience and ideas.

“I also didn’t take you to lunch with me just because I don’t want to see you starve. That, too, of course. I know just how convincing it is to get first-hand experience with Hybrids to see what they’re capable of and how amazing they really are, how much more there is to them than beautiful looks. I don’t just say this as an over-proud parent. Maybe a little.

“From getting an understanding of their true nature, I can make better decisions as a doctor and try to understand their experiences better. Because they’re not dumb animals nor pets nor basically talking dogs, but they’re also not humans. They’re their own unique species. I know they’re curious to get to know you, and I hope you’d be willing to give them the time of the day, to learn more about them?”

Jungwoo nodded. “I’d actually really like that.” He often said this, but today, he genuinely meant it. Right now, it was easy to be truthful, now, that he had let go of his judgements and ideas of what was supposed to be, and opened his mind to see possibilities he hadn’t known were there. If he did that, it felt like he didn’t even need much of a façade. It was odd, but it was freeing. More than having a smoke ever could be.

Taeil didn’t seem to wear one either. That, too, was weird. He was just admitting to not being perfect, and he was speaking his mind freely where people normally would keep quiet. Jungwoo didn’t have people like this around him, but, seeing how much it helped him, he wished he had someone other than his _boss_.

“Thank you. I said it before, but I feel like I got really lucky with you. You also look a little less like Caspar the ghost, want to get lunch?”

“Yeah. Lunch sounds pretty amazing right now. And thank you.”

“Any time. Don’t hesitate to ask anything, okay? There are no dumb questions.” Taeil smiled. Jungwoo’s heart didn’t do the flip thing it normally had. It often did that, when he saw a handsome guy in a street, in a club, at a party, wherever. Instead, it felt like it got heavier in his chest.

Jungwoo wasn’t sure what that was, but he also knew he shouldn’t try and figure it out.

He’d only end up hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3
> 
> [ CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)
> 
> Twitter: @155Fox


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to more terrible life choices and angst while we all pretend we're fine but we're really not bc NCT/WayV is attacking us daily and no one knows if Jungwoo is safe and doing better but we also aren't entitled to that information so we just have to wait and hope the very best for him while I make him suffer in this alternate reality bc that seems like a healthy way of coping.

“Did you ask your boy toy if he wanted to come to hang today?”

Jungwoo looked up from the printout and saw Joohyun in the bathroom door, only a towel around her head.

“And what on earth are you reading that you’ve been ripping through half a pack of _my_ Chesterfields?”

“Just something for work. And these taste horrible.”

“Surprise, cigarettes generally do. Stop smoking and close the window, it’s getting too hot.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jungwoo sighed and blew out the blue smoke.

“So? Did you ask him?”

“Nah. Didn’t think about it.”

“Maybe all the smoke’s getting into your brain, clouding everything up there?” Joohyun chuckled.

“It’s not, these aren’t even mine.”

“True.” Joohyun snatched the butt from his fingers and took the last drag before squishing it in the ashtray. She picked the whole thing up, as well as the rest of the cigarettes and the lighter, taking it with her into her room.

Jungwoo groaned and stretched his legs over the sofa table.

He closed his eyes and relished in the bitter taste on his tongue. It wasn’t like he needed the nicotine or anything, but it really made this easier.

The articles, Taeil had sent him, let the entire week make more sense, explained why Doyoung was grumpy like a teenager would be, why Jaehyun was self-conscious, why Taeyong was so observant, and why Yuta was able to so effortlessly keep up with the difficult tasks thrown at him. They explained why they were able to contribute to conversations and knew medical jargon.

They didn’t explain why it seemed like talking to Yuta was easier and more comfortable after only a week than talking to most of the college friends he had had for two years now.

It probably had to do with Taeil. He listened just as attentively as his Hybrids, he was just as curious to hear more, and asked questions to make Jungwoo open up.

Jungwoo was sure he was actually the worst at holding a good conversation out of everyone – maybe Doyoung, who knew, he still treated Jungwoo like he had the black plague.

Normally, it just felt like this with Joohyun, but he had known Joohyun for too long to still care.

With them, he probably stuck out horribly. Jungwoo hated standing out, blending is was preferable – it made him less of a target when people didn’t realise there were things to make fun about. He had plenty of experience with how it was when people did notice all the things they could make fun of, taunt, and mock him about.

Just, it seemed like no one at the Heaven clinic cared much about what would make them fit in. On Friday, Jaehyun had been crying on the sofa with Taeyong consoling him instead of telling him to suck it up how a man should. Taeil kept pointing out his own mistakes and asking Jungwoo for second opinions instead of just going with whatever he wanted to, how higher-ups anywhere Jungwoo had ever made experiences before had done.

Which was why, despite feeling like he stuck out, Jungwoo found himself unable to fabricate a personality to show them.

They all stuck out.

It was so weird.

“Will you still ask him? Because we’ll leave in two hours and I know you need the time to get ready.”

“What? Two hours?” Jungwoo jumped off the sofa, throwing the stack of paper aside, “Why didn’t you warn me earlier?”

“I did but seems like you were too invested in these.” Joohyun picked a page up and scanned the content, “Why are you reading ancient studies on Hybrid behaviour? Wouldn’t they have found out more by now?”

“From my boss. It’s more… fundamental information. Hey, how’s Wendy doing?”

“Well, I think? Why?”

“Because of the studies.” Jungwoo waved his hand uncommittedly.

“Want to use her as your testing object?” Joohyun asked, “You know, my older sister lets her watch the baby sometimes, so she’s a bit busy but you know she’s always willing to help.”

Jungwoo rubbed his forehead.

“Yeah. I know she is.”

“Do you have some sort of crisis?” Joohyun flipped the stapled print-out open.

“I guess. Kind of.” Jungwoo groaned. Joohyun might not offer uncomfortable truths, but she’d listen. That was why Jungwoo loved her so much and had been friends for so long – among other things, “I told you my boss was possibly insane?”

“Yeah, and really cute and handsome and I also remember you swearing by your Givenchy belt you wouldn’t hook up with him. You didn’t right?” Joohyun narrowed her eyes.

“No! But turns out he’s actually not. Insane, I mean. It just would appear that way because, essentially, everything I so far learnt is… not true.”

“Okay?” Joohyun lowered the paper.

“And those studies,” Jungwoo made a noncommittal gesture her direction, “confirm it.”

There was a moment of silence, just the rustling of paper being flipped filling it.

Had that been too far? Her family had had Wendy since forever. He might have overstepped a line there…

“These are peer-reviewed and everything. I mean, science wasn’t invested last year, they’re old but they look legit,” Joohyun muttered. Jungwoo swallowed when he heard the surprise in her voice – no accusation or hurt.

“Yep.”

“So?” Joohyun lowered the papers, eying him, “What will you do now?”

“I… don’t really know yet. He had some suggestions but… I have to come to terms with everything first. Reorder my brain and my worldview.”

“Hm. Can I borrow these? I want to know what you’re talking about, even if it’s possibly crazy.”

“Yeah, sure. Not that one, I haven’t read that yet.” Jungwoo felt relief over Joohyun sounding as normal. That had been a huge misstep that could have ended very differently. He was not only losing all signs of professionalism invented to cement a flawed system, but he was also starting to forget he had to keep a façade up. He couldn’t show too much weakness or too many emotions. It wasn’t manly.

It was all just so, so tiring.

He could really use another cigarette.

“Are you still coming or will you use the evening to have a crisis?”

“God no. I need to get drunk,” if nicotine wasn’t enough to drown out these feelings and clear this confusion, alcohol would, hopefully, do the job.

“That shouldn’t be an issue. What about your boyfriend?”

“Can you stop bringing him up? I just want to have a nice evening.” Jungwoo groaned.

“And I’d imagine that’d involve the person you like, possibly love.”

Jungwoo didn’t return her look and instead picked up the papers he had previously thrown.

“I do like him, don’t be silly.”

“Okay, sweetie. Just… yeah, okay.” Joohyun patted his thigh and turned to get back to dressing herself.

They both wore masks when it came to certain things. There were lines neither of them crossed.

It took Jungwoo a little over two hours to get dressed, style his hair, and wear make-up in a way no one would be able to tell he was wearing any. That he managed to as quickly was all due to Jennie nagging in the door for him to finish faster or he would have taken even longer.

“I’ve already pre-gamed three bottles of beer because your ass took so long to get ready!” Jennie complained, clinging to her girlfriend.

“Well, at least my ass looks fantastic now.” Jungwoo swayed his hips with a grin. His mind went back to a certain short, handsome doctor, wondering what he’d think of his ass in these jeans that were basically working black magic for his thighs and behind.

Nope, not going there.

“Of course, sweetie. Have a sip, you wanted to get drunk, didn’t you?” Joohyun held out her bottle of beer and Jungwoo accepted it, taking a swig.

The streets of Anam were buzzing with life, people already slurring their words at 9 pm, groups of giggling girls and yelling boys shoving each other, cheap booze being passed around.

It was the same picture in every part of the city that entertained nightlife activities – maybe a little messier. There were mainly students here, free from their parents’ clutches for the first time in their lives and with only a few more years before they’d be in a job working long hours, maybe their own family to go home to every night.

Now was the time to explore the world and all her possibilities.

Jungwoo closed his eyes and swallowed more of the beer.

He hated it.

He hated all of this.

To cope with this, he needed the alcohol, he needed the nicotine, but he despised it at the same time. It made him feel like a stranger, which was the goal but also the curse of it.

To fit in, there was no way around it.

And fitting in was the most important thing. Don’t stick out, don’t be too different, or your life will be hell.

“Irene! Jennie!” Someone yelled and a group of four girls waved wildly, the control over their limbs already compromised.

“Aw, you brought Jungwoo!” Someone attached themselves to his arm. Jungwoo chuckled and got hold of a bottle of Soju that was being passed around.

“I love him, gays are so fabulous!”

Jungwoo quickly tipped his head backwards and let some of the burning liquid run over his tongue. At least the alcohol helped make things easier, forget what hurt, ignore what made him feel queasy.

At least none of the girls were going to use derogatory terms or threaten violence. To them, he was fabulous or fancy, not an abomination and disgusting. It was why he still enjoyed evenings with them the most.

Hidden between them, he at least had a bit of a feeling of belonging. It was just a little easier to fit in, he could show just a little more of his personality, had to keep up a bit less of a façade.

In the end, it still was fake. Built up by small lies and unspoken wishes and opinions.

Jungwoo had no interest in what they were gossiping about while waiting for everyone to arrive and for everyone to reach a reasonable level of drunk. The second bottle of Soju already was less terrible, his taste buds going numb between sharing sips with the two girls next to him. Reality TV bored Jungwoo, but he read the re-caps online to be able to chime in. He relished in the hysteric giggling he received while emptying the third shared green bottle.

He let the girls drag him along, down the main street and into a smaller bar where the tables were sticky and a group of first years was playing drinking games next to them. A girl currently had to sit down in a guy’s lap, everybody screeching and making suggestive comments.

“We need Makgeolli, a lot of it!” someone of his group announced. Jungwoo hated Makgeolli just as much as the soju he had just had, or the beer before that.

“It’s on me!” he announced, raising his voice how he hated to.

Cheers erupted over the table.

“To Jungwoo soon becoming filthy rich as a doctor!”

“To Jungwoo!”

The music in the Karaoke room they had rented was too loud and the lights were moving too quickly, making Jungwoo dizzy.

Maybe he had had too much to drink?

How much had he drunk?

He remembered drinking lots of water because Joohyun wasn’t going to let anyone get silly drunk without it around her.

Where was Joohyun?

Jungwoo tried to identify the people around him, but everything was blurry and it seemed impossible to focus on one thing.

He snuggled into the sofa to get more comfortable.

Urgh. He really needed someone to cuddle, he loved cuddling. Too bad no one else ever seemed to. Maybe he’d suggest it with his boyfriend next time? But that always ended in other things.

It was just so sad, but Jungwoo was too drunk to really mope on the feeling. That was nice. He wouldn’t feel the pain of life like this. That had been the goal.

Jungwoo hated the pain of life. It sucked. Life should just be nice and happy all the time.

He sighed and sipped on… what was that even?

Whatever.

Jungwoo felt a vibration against his leg.

Confused, he reached into his pocket, searching for the reason.

Oh!

His phone.

Jungwoo dropped it and cursed.

Someone leaned over to ask what was going on, but Jungwoo was too drunk to answer and she was too drunk to insist on getting a reply.

He managed to get a hold of the device upon second try and somehow managed to accept the call.

“Hello?”

There was someone talking on the other end of the line but the loud music from Ring Ding Dong overpowered the voice.

Jungwoo stumbled to his legs and managed to get into the hallway. Different songs from different rooms mixed but it was low enough to understand the caller now.

“_Jungwoo-Hyung? Where are you?”_

Jungwoo sighed and walked down the hallway towards the exit. He sounded angry, but he was too drunk to really feel anything.

“I’m out.”

“_You’re out and fucking drunk?”_

“Yeah, so?”

_“You said we could maybe spend time today and, you know, go on a date? Like people in a relationship do?”_

The lights on the street were so colourful and fun, mixing into each other. Jungwoo let himself watch them for a moment.

_“Are you even listening, Hyung?”_

“Hm? Yeah. Yeah, I am. What did you say?”

_“Hyung, I…”_ there was a sob on the other end of the line. Jungwoo should probably feel bad. He just didn’t. Why was he even crying, nothing had happened? Why was he crying, he was a man, men didn’t cry?_ “I feel like I’m just a joke to you. Do you even like me?”_

“Of-of course I like you!” Jungwoo reached to his back pocket and pulled out his lighter and a cigarette, sticking it between his lips. Or he tried to. He missed his mouth the first and second time, and only barely managed to hit the corner the third.

Good enough.

_“Then… then why… urgh, this is the worst.”_

“Babe, how about you stop crying?” Jungwoo burnt his fingers on the flame, too sluggish to coordinate hand and eyes.

_“Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Urgh.”_ Jungwoo gave up with the lighter and just bit down on the filter. _“Can we talk tomorrow?”_

“Yeah, yeah.”

_“Fuck, you’re way too drunk no way you’ll remember. I’ll call you tomorrow. Get home safely, okay?”_

Jungwoo nodded and heard the line disconnect. He sighed and sunk down to the ground, not even checking how dirty it was.

Somehow, he felt like he was doing something wrong.

He couldn’t point a finger to it, everything was too blurry and messy in his head, but he didn’t like hearing the boy on the other end of the line cry, and he didn’t like having the girls giggle and ask him his opinion on hot male celebrities and ask to go shopping with them. He didn’t like being here. He didn’t like going partying. He didn’t like drinking.

It helped forget, but it always felt awful in the morning. It wasn’t worth it.

He had to do it, to fit in. He didn’t want to be alone. Those were his friends, after all. Why did he feel negatively towards them? He shouldn’t! He should be grateful he had them!

Jungwoo managed to bring up the lighter to the end of the cigarette and took a shaky breath.

There was nothing he could change, this was his life.

Whether he liked it or not.

“Good morning!” Yuta yelled from behind and Jungwoo startled and hit his head on the open locker door. Immediately loud laughter filled the room, but Yuta’s hand pressed down on the stinging spot.

“Morning,” Jungwoo whimpered.

“Hyung, sorry, I swear I don’t even do this on purpose, you’re just way too skittish.”

Jungwoo wasn’t bitter, not at all, but he was embarrassed. He was making a fool of himself, but he had had this one coming.

The weekend had been draining. After nursing a terrible hangover he had had to appease his boyfriend for three hours yesterday. When he had gotten up in the morning today, he had wanted to stay where he was and just sleep for another 24 hours.

He was glad he hadn’t. For some reason, Yuta yelling him good morning instantly lightened his mood.

“Don’t worry, I’m still working on my tolerance,” Jungwoo assured him an rubbed his head. It’d probably turn into a bump.

“0.8 milligrams of nicotine?” Jungwoo froze, dread spreading in his chest, “That’s pretty high, and 10 milligrams of tar? Do you know how your lungs will look in a few years? Black!” Jungwoo patted his back pocket and realised it was empty. Of course, it was. The box was in Yuta’s hand, who was eying it critically.

“Uh… these… it’s…”

“These aren’t yours?” Yuta mocked, “Please, don’t insult my nose. I smelt the smoke on my the first day you came in here. I didn’t think you’d do it much because it was weak.”

“I don’t. Do it much.” Jungwoo tried to reason. Because he didn’t. Just occasionally, just to help to cope a little.

“It’d be better to not do it at all. It’s really harmful to your health, not to mention, the scent is bad.” Yuta’s eyes were a bit too smart, a bit too attentive.

Or, well, they weren’t. According to the studies, he had read all weekend, this really shouldn’t be surprising at all. There was no reason to expect a lower intelligence in Hybrids, it hadn’t gotten lost during the DNA-merger.

And Jungwoo knew what he said was true, which was why he made sure to not grow addicted. Which, he wasn’t. Obviously.

“I could stop at any time.”

“Okay. Then stop.”

Jungwoo suddenly felt a little panicked. He wasn’t dependant or anything, but his life was rather stressful and rather… unpleasant most of the time.

“I don’t smoke much. I don’t really have to stop if I don’t do it regularly, right?” Jungwoo chuckled nervously. He really couldn’t give up on this. He needed to know he could calm himself with a cigarette when life was overwhelming.

“You really do, though. It’s your life, I guess. Just… it’d suck to see you die from lung cancer at 23. Just saying.” Yuta handed the pack back over and Jungwoo hurried to hide it in his bag. Yuta might have smelt it on him, but Taeil probably, hopefully, hadn’t.

Jungwoo didn’t answer. It would kind of suck. But… no one had really worried about that before. Everyone smoked, it was just to fit in, to take the edge off. He knew it was frowned upon in some medical circles, but he wasn’t really part of these yet.

“We’ll go and see a boat race on the Han on Saturday. It’s self-made boats only, but they have to get from A to B without sinking. The fastest wins – obviously.”

“On the Han? Isn’t that dangerous?” Jungwoo locked his door securely, keeping his dirty secret inside, safe from Taeil’s eyes.

“No, there are lots of places where you can swim, no worries. As long as there are lifeguards, that is. So, do you want to come?”

“Me?” Jungwoo blinked.

“Yeah. I thought we were getting along well. I nagged Taeil-Hyung all weekend to approve.”

“You really don’t have to if you feel pressured. It’s your free time, after all, you should get a break from work.” Taeil suddenly chimed in from the door, where he must have just arrived.

Oh yes. A break from work, where he was enjoying himself and felt like people listened to him and offered interesting stories in return, so he could… get drunk… go out… see his boyfriend…

“No, I’d really love to if it’s okay!”

“See, Hyung? You were all stressed over nothing!” Yuta shook his head.

“Are you really sure? I don’t want you to feel compelled to agree, with me being your boss and all. The power-dynamic is unsettling to me. Really, you can be honest.”

Jungwoo swallowed. Honest.

“I am. I’d really like to. Where would that take place?”

“You can watch from Cheongdam bridge, so you have a perfect view – totally awesome, right?” Yuta beamed. Jungwoo couldn’t hold back his own smile, there was something addictive about Yuta’s grins, so bright and happy.

“So, since we effectively ruined Jungwoo’s weekend for him, let’s have a look at today’s schedule.” Taeil sighed, placing a print-out on the desk.

Jungwoo probably had never looked forward to a weekend more, but he didn’t say that.

“Okay, we have ten vaccination dates. Do you feel like trying to give it a shot, Jungwoo?” Taeil wiggled his eyebrows and Jungwoo chuckled, while Yuta groaned loudly.

“Yes, absolutely!”

As usually, Jungwoo forgot all about everything else while working. Good or bad - his boyfriend talking over him yesterday, the girls that had wanted a ‘gay’s opinion’ on Saturday, or the weekend he was genuinely looking forward to. It all was unimportant when there was someone to help.

Talking to small kittens let Jungwoo fall into using a baby voice but instead of getting mocked for it, Taeil beamed and complimented him on how well he was doing. He even managed to make the suggestion to check for chickenpox when Taeil had been stuck on mosquito bites – which had turned out to be right.

If he was being honest, getting to hear genuinely appreciative words from Taeil and seeing his smile directed at him and only him, was terribly distracting. It made his heart race and chest feel warm in a way he had not experienced before.

It really wasn’t good.

Taeil had mentioned the power hierarchy before. Jungwoo was all too aware of it.

It was one thing to sleep with a co-worker and never say a single word to anyone else, to shield both his own and the other’s preference that might cost them their jobs. His boss? Jungwoo was insane to even consider it.

Taeil had to do paperwork regarding an insurance company that wouldn’t pay a bill and sent Jungwoo and Yuta ahead to get lunch so it wouldn’t get cold.

“Jungwoo-Hyung, do you like ginger?”

Jungwoo managed to no startle upon being addressed while putting away his shoes today. Taeyong seemed to always come to the door when someone returned and it was a rather sweet gesture. Even sweeter was, how worried he was about him liking dishes.

“Yes, I do.”

“Oh, good, good.” Taeyong’s steps disappeared from the door and Jungwoo straightened back up before hesitating. Did he just go inside?

It suddenly felt how it had when he had woken up as the first person during a sleepover at a friend’s place when he had still been little.

Normally, he just stuck to Taeil. Now, he suddenly felt 200% out of place.

Well, he couldn’t stay in the entrance hall, that would be even weirder.

Jungwoo knew the way to the living room and the bathroom – the only two important rooms. What had to be Taeil’s door had a huge self-made poster on it, decorated in entirely too much sparkle, announcing ‘Taeil-Hyung’s paradise’, so Jungwoo knew where that was because it was so obvious.

“Let go, that’s mine!”

“I had it first, so it’ll be mine today!” Jungwoo stopped two steps into the living room. Jaehyun and Yuta both had their hands on what looked like a spoon?

Jaehyun bared his teeth and pulled the suspected cutlery his direction, which Yuta countered with a growl. Fighting wasn’t exactly something out of the ordinary, but Jungwoo took a step backwards, only to bump into someone he hadn’t heard behind himself.

“Can’t you watch where you’re going?” Jungwoo jerked around, coming face to face with a very grumpy Doyoung. Not face to face, Doyoung wasn’t tall enough for that, but almost.

“Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.” Another growl ripped through the room and the sound of two bodies hitting the floor followed.

Jungwoo jerked around once more, seeing Jaehyun try to pin Yuta to the ground, only to immediately get overpowered.

“Well, obviously you weren’t.” Doyoung pushed past him and Jungwoo was torn between breaking the fight up and hurrying after Doyoung.

Luckily, Jaehyun whimpered and bared his throat. Yuta licked his ear and scrambled off him, dusting his white trousers off and carefully placing the spoon on his spot on the table. Jungwoo internally sighed in relief. So, the tale of dog Hybrids being territorial apparently wasn’t made up. Fine with him, as long as no one got hurt – boys had pushed each other around the school hallways and locker rooms plenty all his life.

He decided to hurry after Doyoung.

The bunny was spooning rice from the rice cooker, while Taeyong flitted around, finishing whatever culinary delicacy he had created today.

“Doyoung, I’m really sorry, did I hurt you anywhere?” Jungwoo tried.

“No.”

“What happened?” Taeyong halted his frenzy and looked between Doyoung and Jungwoo with wide eyes.

“I bumped into him because I was surprised by Yuta and Jaehyun getting into a fight. And I’m really sorry.” Jungwoo felt himself grow more and more anxious. He shouldn’t. Doyoung couldn’t really hurt him – at least not physically. He still did. He hated having arguments and he hated when people so obviously despised him for something he had no control over – in Doyoung’s case it just seemed to be his very existence.

“Did you get hurt?” Taeyong asked, stepping closer to Doyoung and starting to pat him down.

Doyoung quickly batted his hands away and shook his head, “I’m not made from glass.”

“Well, in that case, shouldn’t you accept Jungwoo-Hyung’s apology?” Taeyong cocked his head.

Doyoung opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, then nodded and turned.

“Fine, apology accepted. But look better next time.” He glared at Jungwoo, who had to force a smile.

He really just wanted Doyoung to accept him. He hated sticking out, he probably already did but Doyoung’s reaction was exactly what he was so desperately trying to avoid getting.

He really needed a smoke.

“Jaehyunnie, did you fight over the spoon again? I told you we have another that’s almost as good!” Taeyong hurried from the kitchen, more silverware in hand.

Doyoung looked after him and gritted his teeth so loudly, Jungwoo could hear it.

Not wanting to get into more trouble, Jungwoo didn’t ask what that was about. He picked up the pot, from where Taeyong had set it aside to bring to the table, and carried it to the living room.

If Hybrids had emotions complex enough to develop anxiety, they certainly were complex enough to feel jealousy.

He wondered if Doyoung would join them for the boat race on Saturday. Jungwoo was bad with confrontations and with conversations, but maybe, there’d be a chance to clear up what seemed to be wrong?

In any case, Jungwoo grew warm and grinned like some silly idiot thinking about the weekend and remembering he was appreciated enough to be invited.

In the living room, peace had been restored and Jaehyun had his head on Yuta’s shoulder, obviously not dwelling on their fight minutes ago.

Jungwoo would have to try and make sense of how all of that worked. In school, boys had fought and made up, but only girls had ever been this affectionate with each other. The dynamics of Taeil’s family fit nowhere with society’s rules and expectations. It was just a bunch of individuals who weren’t trying to fit in anywhere – and who weren’t expected to.

He remembered that Taeil had said he wanted them to find their own unique selves.

Jungwoo hadn’t yet thought more about that and what it entailed, but now that he did, he realised he couldn’t remember anyone ever having encouraged him to do the same. It had always been about fitting in, about following rules.

It was like this was another world.

Jungwoo was the alien here but most of the natives were friendly and let him stumble through their strange society.

He settled between Yuta and Taeyong, on his designated chair. Taeil was still not here, but the food would become cold, so they started without him.

“Hyung, do you know the Avengers?” Jaehyun asked and Jungwoo nearly melted over the other directly addressing him hesitation.

“Yes, I watched the movie.”

“Really?” Jaehyun perked up in his seat, as did Taeyong.

“It’s so cool, right? We watched it when it came on TV on the weekend.” Taeyong explained the sudden interest.

“You know the lightning and the hammer of Thor? It’s so cool! And the Hulk turning and smashing, or Hawk-eye being controlled, I was so scared!” Jaehyun was on the edge of his chair, eyes wide and sparkling. Jungwoo wanted to reach out and squeeze his cheeks for how adorable it was, but he didn’t. Jaehyun wasn’t a toy to play with.

“Who’s your favourite, Hyung? Mine is Iron-Man, his talents and cleverness are so admirable,” Taeyong smiled.

“He’s just a rich jerk who tramples over everyone else’s feelings.” Doyoung suddenly chipped in.

“No, no, he’s not, he cares but he doesn’t know how to show it well because of his personality.” Taeyong disagreed.

“That’s a poor excuse to be a douchebag.” Doyoung angrily shoved rice into his mouth.

“Taeil-Hyung said he was bad at expressing his feelings because his parents didn’t show him much love and he was constantly pressured to be enough for them, especially for his father.” Taeyong shot back, growing more agitated.

“So he just uses that as an excuse to be the same? That’s stupid!”

“You have to understand people who’re different than you!”

Taeyong’s words seemed to hit bull’s eye. If Jungwoo’s observations were anything to go by, this could possibly be the reason why the bunny was constantly grumpy – he might not understand Jaehyun, or maybe he might not understand the role Jaehyun played in this family.

However, Taeyong’s and Doyoung’s exchange also hit home for Jungwoo. He remembered his boyfriend sobbing on the other end of the line on Saturday.

“You’re so annoying, do you know that?” Doyoung gritted out and turned away to get more rice.

“Seems like I come at a good time?” Taeil asked from behind and Jungwoo nearly choked on his vegetables from getting startled by his return.

Yuta carefully patted his back until he stopped coughing.

“Hyung, you still didn’t say your favourite.” Jaehyun seamlessly picked the conversation back up. Taeil sat down opposite of Jungwoo and he suddenly felt discouraged to say the truth. People usually laughed, it wasn’t manly to like who he liked, especially not for the reasons he did.

“I like Captain America.” He instead answered. It was a safe answer. There was nothing risky about the character and reasons to like him were easy to find, “What about you?”

Jaehyun considered it for a moment, “Thor, I think? But you know who’s really cool? Batman! But he’s from a different universe so he’s not there. But he’s so cool!”

Jungwoo had seen the Dark Knight films and wondered if Jaehyun had, too. It seemed like they might be a bit much for such a sensitive soul.

He turned to Yuta, who had been silent for the most part.

“Who do you like best?”

“Me?” Yuta looked up, a piece of beef sticking from his teeth. He quickly bit down on it and turned away, “Don’t have one.”

“Ah, Yuta-Hyung didn’t feel well on Sunday, so he already went to sleep and didn’t watch with us,” Jaehyun explained.

Jungwoo nodded, but something in Taeil’s expression told him it wasn’t just that. He looked worried, too worried for the reason why Yuta hadn’t joined being a small headache or something of the likes.

It wasn’t his right to ask, though. He was just the intern. The alien on planet uniqueness.

So, he didn’t, and let the conversation go on, occasionally chipping in when asked. Overall, he felt like his opinions were too personal and too embarrassing to voice, and what would be left if he tried to mask it, would be too superficial for how deep the discussion went.

But he observed and listened, to get a better understanding of the others.

“Yooo, if that isn’t Jungwoo!”

Jungwoo took a small breath, the cold smoke in the room making it a little hard, before setting his face in a broad grin. He slammed a hand onto the tabletop how everyone always did, “Hey guys, long time no see.”

“Two weeks man, I nearly died of boredom!” Someone hollered over the small table. The other agreed in loud grunting – they were like monkeys, the type that had evolved to live in the jungle. Jungwoo had to force himself to pull out a chair and immediately froze.

There was a Hybrid under the table, cowering between the legs of the guy next to where Jungwoo was going to be sitting down. She didn’t even seem to notice Jungwoo, her head turned down, a sleek white tail wrapped around her feet.

Jungwoo thought back to the flat where he had spent lunch talking about Avengers and Marvel, getting a surprisingly deep insight into character interpretations, plot devices, and how Hybrids would interpret them as reflections of society.

“Cute, right? I’m watching her for a friend while he’s back home. You know how the Chinese rich kids are, all have their Hybrids to not get homesick.”

“Yeah… very… cute.” Jungwoo pulled his eyes from the girl and sat down, scooting up until he no longer had to see her.

Privilege, it echoed in his head.

He felt sick.

“His girlfriend broke up with him for it,” someone yelled over the table that immediately fell into bellowing laughter.

“Women are so weird. Jealous of a toy!” more laughter.

Jungwoo reached into his back pocket and pulled out a cigarette, bringing the lighter up with shaky hands.

“Good riddance. She’s too dumb to speak proper Korean so she won’t be annoying about things like household chores. She only does what you need her for.”

Jungwoo turned his head up to blow out the smoke away from the others.

The waitress pushed between him and his seat neighbour to put two cans of Makgeolli onto the table and dropped a small stack of bowls next to it. One of the guys swiped his card over the reader.

“Let’s drink, boys.”

Jungwoo kept the cigarette between his lips to distribute bowls while the others kept yelling over each other. Jungwoo hated having to raise his voice, so, he chose silence.

“So, while you’re single again, I’ve been dating the same girl for two weeks now.”

“The same you were going to see last time?”

“That’s the one.”

“Damn, she was a 6 face wise, do better!”

Jungwoo tapped the access ash off his cigarette. He had no memory of the girl, but she surely looked no worse than the guy in question. He felt his phone vibrate from a message but ignored it. The alcohol had been handed around and everyone tipped theirs back, finishing the first bowl easily.

“She’s kinda ugly, but she’s a cup C, so tell me how that’s better than your whiney girl?”

“Damn, natural?”

“Dude, if she had money, she’d fix her face first.” Laughter again. Jungwoo squashed his cigarette and helped everyone to their second round.

His phone chimed again and Jungwoo pulled it out to turn to silent, however, when the screen lit up to show the new messages, it was from an unknown number, not the one he had expected.

_[from: unknown] [sent: 8:54 pm]_

_Hyung, here’s the link to the boat race on Sat <link> _

_It’s Yuta btw (*_ _≧▽≦_ _)_

_I hope you’re fine with me having your number (O∆O)_

_If no, I’ll delete it (_ _｡_ _•_ _́_ _︿•_ _̀_ _｡_ _)_

_See you tmrw~~ °˖_ _✧◝_ _(_ _⁰_ _▿_ _⁰_ _)_ _◜_ _✧_ _˖°_

“Oh, someone’s grinning like an idiot.”

Jungwoo nearly dropped his phone, the word stinging like someone had tased him. _Idiot_… no, it wasn’t mean that way.

“Did your girl sent you nudes?” the table broke into immature cackling and Jungwoo quickly turned the screen to black, not answering. He reached for his cigarettes and lit another.

“Weren’t you dating this super annoying chick who wanted to go on dates all the time?”

“Yeah. Still am,” Jungwoo shrugged.

“Damn, I would have killed myself by now.”

Jungwoo slowly let the smoke out. Why was he still dating his boyfriend? He found him annoying, didn’t he?

But if he wouldn’t, he’d be alone. Jungwoo watched the ember eat away the paper and tobacco. That was why he was here, right? Because he didn’t like being alone. He hated going out, and drinking, and how everyone talked about other people.

But he also talked about his boyfriend like that, didn’t he?

He was like them. They were his friends, after all. Birds of the same feather…

Jungwoo sighed and took another lung full of smoke. It was probably really not good for them. Yuta’s words were suddenly in his head and the smoke tasted sour.

“Jungwoo, do you have one for me? I’m out.” The guy across the table had wide and hopeful eyes. Jungwoo shrugged and held the pack his direction. He already spent so much money on them, one more or less wouldn’t break the bank. These days, he was actually saving a lot because Taeil treated him for his lunch – and his internship paid him a small wage, so the next months weren’t going to be as tight as they usually were.

“You sure you can handle them? Jungwoo smokes like a chimney, we all can’t keep up with him.” Someone joked. The guy quickly pulled one of the sticks out.

“Please, I’m not a girl.”

Jungwoo tuned out the conversation. He knew where it would be going. He didn’t need to hear it. Instead, he unlocked his phone.

_[to: Yuta] [sent: 9:01 pm]_

_Of course, I don’t mind! _

_Thanks for the link, I’ll check it out! ^.^_

“Dude, let me see the nudes, too! Wait. Are those… boats?”

“Yeah, some race on the Han on Saturday.” Jungwoo scrolled over the page where the rules were explained, illustrated with some photos from last year. The designs were complicated and beautiful. He could see the many hours of work that had gone into every single one and he could almost feel the determination the contestants had to have.

He was so excited to see it in real life on Saturday. It was something so different from what he usually did, but he was sure it’d be just as different as the conversation on the lunch table where he felt like everyone was genuinely interested in who he was as a person, but also as challenging when he had to allow himself to stick out because there was no mask to flee behind.

“Wow, that’s… so lame.”

Jungwoo chuckled, taking another drag of his cigarette.

“I know, right? I would have never gone there on my own.” The lie hurt but the other laughed. Blending in was more important than what Jungwoo actually thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw, I'm already far past 100k words in raw writing and nowhere near finished. the plot feels like it started off as a Golden Retriever puppy and is now Godzilla, dragging me through Tokyo while I scream "good boy" to calm him down and idk how I got there but I hope I'll manage to tie everything together in the end haha (help)

“Did you research again?” Yuta raised an eyebrow. Jungwoo closed the locker and leaned against it.

He wanted to jump the opportunity and lie, he always lied when he felt like it.

But with Yuta, he suddenly couldn’t.

“No, I was out and couldn’t leave.”

“Why couldn’t you leave, did they lock the door?” Yuta’s voice was joking but his face was dark. Jungwoo wondered what was behind that but it didn’t seem like a good morning conversation.

“No, but… you know. They’re my friends, it’d be weird to leave first, they’d ask questions.” Jungwoo shrugged.

“No, I don’t know. My friends don’t force me to stay when I can’t or don’t want to.” Yuta shook his head and Jungwoo swallowed.

“It’s just about blending in, you know? It’s weird when everyone else does it but you. They’ll start making fun of you.”

Yuta wrinkled his nose and rubbed his arm. He had started to do that sometimes after previously only giving encouraging slaps.

Jungwoo knew Yuta had no qualms touching everyone, all the time. He did it plenty. Jungwoo liked doing it, too, but people made it weird when it was more than a short encouraging pat between friends. It wasn’t even anything sexual to him, he just liked physical contact to enhance what he meant – but it was risky. People easily misunderstood what he intended to do.

With Taeil’s Hybrids, it seemed like cuddling and petting each other was something very natural and purely platonic. It was nice, Jungwoo envied them. Getting a small piece of it felt good, motivational.

He remembered how he and his friends had often petted dog Hybrids when they had been little, but as they had gotten older, that, too, had become weird. Sometimes, he wished he could go back and have things from his childhood again. Things had been so much easier and he hadn’t had to consider everyone’s reactions and possible reactions for every move he made all the time.

It was tiring.

Here, it felt like everyone was just doing what they truly wanted – speak their minds, cuddle their friends, or get into a fight to settle a dispute. And no one judged them for it.

“Sorry to hear that. That must suck.”

Jungwoo swallowed once more.

“It’s okay, they’re my friends, after all.”

He expected the topic to be dropped. This was a line you couldn’t just cross without risking to offend someone by being too direct. This was where a façade would be rooted. People normally didn’t push to look past that.

“Sorry, but your friends suck if they force you to do stuff you don’t want to do, or don’t even ask if you want to do it, just expect you to.”

Jungwoo felt himself gape at Yuta.

“Woops, too much? I didn’t mean to offend you, I mean, I like you, I just think you have shit friends.” Yuta shrugged.

Jungwoo mulled the words over.

Did he have shit friends?

“I… uh… I was already rather glad they were there for me?” Jungwoo muttered.

“Are they, though? There for you?”

Were they?

Was he?

“Hyung, uh, slow.”

“Sorry, babe. Don’t you like this normally?”

“Y-yeah, ah, yeah. But you said we could talk more.”

“Oh, sure, yeah.” Jungwoo pulled his hands back from where they had been under the waistband of his boyfriend’s pants. His head was throbbing and he reached into the back pocket of his own trousers, pulling out his lighter and a cigarette.

“Do you mind?”

“I want one as well,” his boyfriend pouted and blinked big puppy eyes at him.

Jungwoo laughed and held the pack his direction. He was really so cute – which was what had attracted him in the first place.

“So?”

Jungwoo held up the flame and looked at his boyfriend, who looked expectantly. “What, so?” he echoed, then offered the fire to the other, who held the end of his cigarette into it until it started smouldering.

“How was your day?” His boyfriend asked before taking the first drag and blowing the smoke out slowly.

Jungwoo hesitated. He brought his own cigarette to his lips, to breathe in some of the soothing and numbing nicotine he needed so much. He recalled his workday and a genuine smile spread on his face, so much more comfortable than the fake ones he wore most of the time around the other.

“Good, I was allowed to vaccinate some puppies and we had some interesting cases. I also changed Jaehyun’s bandages again. Not much progress but it takes time.” Jungwoo was about to offer a small summary of the conversation he had had during lunch, where they had talked about the failed attempts in Canada to cross-breed Labrador Hybrids with Poodle ones to create the same popular mix that was already a best-seller among real dogs, but he was interrupted.

“I don’t understand why your boss even keeps it. Must be gruesome to look at someone with such a rash every day. I thought they got rid of all these nasty things in Hybrids. Anyway, I had the worst day at work, seriously, the new girl? Terrible, I don’t understand why she was even hired. She dropped a new bag of Taro power, it was all over the floor! Do you know how much work it is to get rid of that? Not to mention, that shit’s expensive. I would have fired her on the spot, but, of course, she cries a little and management makes _me_ clean it. Urgh. The worst.”

Jungwoo nodded absentmindedly. He thought back to Jaehyun. He had not looked at the floor today and they had talked about the moon and its cycle. It had been really good! Jungwoo had been so happy with both himself and with Jaehyun.

It wasn’t even about impressing Taeil anymore. It hadn’t been for a while. He just wanted Jaehyun to be comfortable with him and feel safe. He wanted to learn more about him. He wanted to learn more about all the Hybrids.

It was just so fascinating, so rewarding. He could broaden his horizon and they always had such interesting perceptions and approaches. It was a breeze of fresh air, so very different from his regular life.

Jungwoo realised he had completely checked out of the monologue his boyfriend was holding and tried to listen while he rambled about the new girl at work that was apparently all so terrible when all she had done was be there and make beginners mistakes. How could she not, when she had barely been working there for a week? Jungwoo tapped the ash off his cigarette.

“I mean, that’s just ridiculous. Hyung, what’s your fave? After School or Hello Venus?”

“Uh, After School, I think.”

“But aren’t Hello Venus so much cuter? They’re all pretty and even their debut is better than After School’s whole discography. It’s much more modern!” His boyfriend argued, pouting again.

“Yeah, well, they’re a newer group so their songs would be more modern, too, right?” Jungwoo had finished his cigarette and left it in the ashtray.

“Well, I still think Hello Venus is much better a group.”

“Sure babe, everyone can like what they want.”

“I’m just saying, that you should re-consider because Hello Venus is better.”

“I will.” Jungwoo forced a smile and the boy nodded, also finishing his cigarette.

Would Jaehyun come to the boat race? Who would come other than Yuta? Would Taeil be there? Jungwoo felt his heartbeat pick up. That was probably… not that… great an idea…

He let his hands slide over his boyfriend’s torso, over his slim waist, and sneak under his clothing. Unlike earlier, he didn’t complain but started sighing in content, leaning back to grand Jungwoo better access, arching his back and rising up so Jungwoo could rid him of his clothes until he was naked under him.

Jungwoo didn’t bother looking at his face. He never did. He didn’t care, this was just physical, a need to take care of.

“Good morning!” Taeil was early today. It was usually only Yuta here when Jungwoo arrived, yet Yuta was nowhere to be found today.

“Good morning. Is there a special occasion?” Jungwoo tried to see what Taeil was working on.

“I feel weirdly called out. Am I always that late?”

“No! No, I just, uh, was simply a little surprised?” The last time Taeil had been this early, it had been because he had sent Jungwoo to do his first examination, last week.

“I guess my time-management is pretty bad,” Taeil sighed, “Anyway, you know Doyoung has diabetes. Do you know the regular check-ups required for that?” So, Jungwoo probably hadn’t been too wrong connecting the two.

He had looked diabetes up, as well as other common chronic illnesses, especially those they had already had cases with. He liked to be prepared, or if not, be prepared for the next time.

That wasn’t the only reason. It was fascinating and interesting. This type of work was what he had chosen medicine to get into.

“Blood sugar and HbA1c levels, weight, blood pressure every three months, albumin and blood fat levels, renal and thyroid function, nerve damage, specifically in the feet, cardiogram, and full eye examination every year.” Jungwoo rattled down.

“You studied,” Taeil smirked and Jungwoo’s heart thundered in his ears.

“Of course, I wouldn’t want to disappoint my teacher.” he returned and Taeil nodded, looking pleased.

“Today’s a small check-up, meaning, you’ll have to take blood, weight him, measure his waist size and blood pressure. Seulgi will be the one in supporting today, so just hand her the blood once you have it. I would like for you to look at the results, as well as their long-term development, and give me judgement on how to proceed.”

Jungwoo swallowed, feeling positive nervousness creep upon him.

He loved this! He loved the chances Taeil kept giving him, the tips and tricks, the insights and support. There was no reason to be scared, Taeil had not once been unfair or mean. So, Jungwoo wasn’t. He was confident in his own skills, but he was even more curious to learn more and have Taeil point out where he was still lacking how he usually did.

There was just a pretty big problem:

“So… doesn’t Doyoung still, uh, kind of hate me?”

Taeil sighed deeply. “Yeah, I’m not sure about that. I don’t really know where the issue lies because he won’t tell me. I told him I wanted you to get the experience and he can talk until he’s blue in the face - if he doesn’t give me a good reason why it can’t be you doing the exam, you will be. I’ll be here because I have another appointment. You know all the procedures, right? If you struggle, you can obviously come.” Taeil smiled and Jungwoo’s breath caught in his throat.

What?

Alone?

“Are you, uh, sure about that?”

“Yes. I can trust you do your best, can’t I?” Taeil looked back with a stern face and Jungwoo swallowed.

It suddenly felt like not only a test to see how well versed he was in medical procedures by now. Jungwoo wasn’t sure if that was the intention or if it was just his brain being paranoid, but he felt like Taeil wanted to see how he’d behave in a stressful situation, left alone with only a Hybrid.

An unwilling Hybrid.

“I will!”

Jungwoo had said it with all his heart, but he now felt extreme doubts. Yuta had waltzed past and slapped his shoulder before joining Taeil, and it was really only him.

His palms were sweaty and his heart was still beating a little too fast.

Taeil was trusting him with this.

Jungwoo swallowed thickly. He didn’t want to fuck it up. He wanted to show he had what it took to become a good doctor and he wanted to show he could treat Hybrids how they deserved to be treated.

He also knew that Doyoung had a lot of influence of Taeil, more than the other three from what Jungwoo had gathered so far. He wanted to connect to the Hybrids for them, but with this, it still very much was about impressing his boss.

It was a huge challenge.

Jungwoo pushed down the handle and slowly opened the door.

Doyoung was sitting on the examination bed, typing on his phone, but immediately looked up.

For a second, his face was open and judgement-free. He was cute, how Jungwoo would have expected a bunny Hybrid to be. His eyes were round and big, his face oval and just between pretty and handsome, but still holding the youthful look a 16-year-old would have.

To think people would use a boy this age to perform sexual services… Jungwoo swallowed again.

The moment didn’t last. Doyoung’s mouth immediately set into a tight line, his brows furrowing and face turning into a scowl that took the cuteness and replaced it with bitterness.

“Hey. Taeil-Hyung said you were due for a few tests?” Jungwoo kept up a professional and nice front. He had to prove himself!

“Yeah. Obviously.”

“Great.” Jungwoo cringed internally. Why was it so hard to get through to Doyoung? What was it that so obviously bothered him?

If Jungwoo knew how to fix it, he would do so in the blink of an eye.

There was nothing he feared more than rejection and being the one people decided to hate.

He knew Doyoung couldn’t do much, but it still woke unpleasant memories of being pushed into lockers, beaten in the lunch break, or have his belonging dumped into the toilet.

“Do you know how to do this?” Doyoung put his phone aside to cross his arms, glancing Jungwoo up and down.

“Yes, I do. I’ve done it quite a few times before. Do you want me to run you through it? I’m sure you’re an expert, but we can quickly discuss if there’s a certain order you prefer?” Jungwoo asked, taking the chair he usually used – not the one Taeil did, he didn’t feel like it was his right to sit in that one yet – and scooted over.

Doyoung wrinkled his nose.

“Yeah. Take the blood first, so that can process. I don’t care about the rest.”

“Okay, well, then let’s get started with the blood.” Jungwoo smiled and Doyoung crossed his arms a little tighter.

Normally, Yuta would have popped up next to him, with the needle in hand, or Seulgi would have it prepared, on the side. Today, Jungwoo opened two wrong drawers before finding the one where the new, unused tools were stored.

Putting everything together was easy. He had done this a lot. Taking blood was a tricky procedure but one easy to practice on one another because if you didn’t go all in and took much, you could do it often.

Jungwoo didn’t feel nervous about that anymore.

He did feel nervous because Doyoung kept glaring holes into the back of his head.

“You know, smoking is really terrible for you. You shouldn’t do it.” Jungwoo closed his eyes and let the cotton pad soak for a second longer than necessary.

“I don’t smoke a lot. There’s no reason to worry, but I appreciate it.” He placed everything on the metal tray and turned around.

“I don’t believe you. And I’m not worrying.”

“Okay. Well, you don’t have to, but it’s my life and I can make the decisions.” Jungwoo tried to keep the smile but it was straining now.

“Yeah, well, lucky you. Still, shouldn’t there be a policy for med students to not smoke? If you ruin your own health, how can you tell others about theirs? It’s hypocritical. Someone else deserves to become a doctor, someone who doesn’t line their lungs with tar.” Doyoung snarled.

“Can you give me your hand, please?” Jungwoo had placed the tray next to the bunny. He wanted to get this over with. He wasn’t good with confrontation and Doyoung wasn’t just addressing an issue Jungwoo knew was sort of real, he was hostile in his words, tone, and demeanour. “I think every single student in my year smokes. Everyone does it, that’s why I do it.”

Doyoung painstakingly slowly unfolded his arms and held his left out for Jungwoo. The skin was pale and even, the opposite of Jaehyun’s.

“Then none of them deserve it. It’s unfair. Others never get the chance to go.” Jungwoo fastened an elastic strap around Doyoung’s upper arm to cut off the circulation and allow the vein to pop out a bit more. He glanced up at the bunny, and there was even more bitterness in his face now.

Jungwoo’s heart sunk.

“Is that why you hate me?”

“Yes.”

Jungwoo rubbed the alcohol-soaked pad over the crook of Doyoung’s arm.

He couldn’t even blame Doyoung. On the contrary. He could understand him. It’d appear unfair that others were given a chance that would remain locked to him forever and, how Doyoung seemed to interpret it, didn’t properly appreciate it.

Jungwoo, obviously, appreciated it a lot and he only smoked sometimes to deal with the stress and to fit in between the others.

“Okay. I understand that. I wished you didn’t, but… yeah, it’s a fair point. Open and close your hand three times.”

Doyoung did as asked and Jungwoo saw it was trembling a little.

Now that he thought about it, a smoke would actually be nice, to make this a little easier. But he couldn’t. It’d be fine, he could handle this.

The trembling in Doyoung’s hand was much more urgent to think about right now.

“Are you scared of needles?”

“No.” Doyoung immediately shot back. It was obviously a lie, but one that Jungwoo would have told to appear tougher as well. Being scared was too girly. He got that.

Jungwoo had found a good vein and picked the needle up from the tray.

“Okay, well, it’ll be a small poke. What’s your blood type?” Jungwoo opened the strap around Doyoung upper arm the moment he had hit the vein.

“It’s B,” Doyoung huffed and Jungwoo glanced up from where he watched the blood running into the tube. He had his cheeks puffed and eyes squeezed shut.

“Ah, a little perfectionistic, but very reliable and caring?”

“Your blood group doesn’t determine your personality!” Doyoung mumbled. There was already enough blood in the tube, so Jungwoo pulled the needle out and pressed a new cotton pad to the arm.

“Obviously they don’t. You can find yourself in every description if you look enough,” Jungwoo agreed and Doyoung took the pad from Jungwoo, pressing down by himself.

“Why did you say it then?”

“To ask if you were?” Jungwoo closed the tube and got off his chair, collecting the tray.

“Why do you care? You probably think I’m actually just some toy, too dumb to even add two and two.” Doyoung glared.

Jungwoo threw the used needle into the designated bin and the cotton pads into another. He wasn’t good with how to go about it, but hearing what the issue was so openly… it was a relief even though it was stressful. It felt like he could figure out a solution much better than when all there was were fake smiles and gossiping behind his back. It helped him understand.

Right now, he could understand Doyoung all too well and it broke his heart.

“Don’t lie again. I know more than enough of your type. You don’t deserve Taeil-Hyung’s precious time.” Doyoung continued on, sounding more hateful with every word.

Jungwoo turned in his spot and slowly walked back to where Doyoung was sitting and fuming.

“Jaehyun told me you helped him with Biochemistry. That’s a highly complex subject, one with the highest rates of failure in med school.”

“It is?” Doyoung raised an eyebrow, but he sounded a little less hostile.

“Yes, it is. Hearing that you were the one helping Jaehyun understand it, I first didn’t believe it.”

Doyoung snorted loudly and turned his head away.

“Because I was told all my life that you wouldn’t. If someone suddenly came up to you and spoke in French, you wouldn’t understand them, would you? Because no one taught you French. That’s how I felt.”

“You study Hybrid medicine, you should know better.”

“Yeah… yeah, I should, everyone should. If I learn it now, is that too late?”

Doyoung hesitated and pulled the pad off his elbow, inspecting where Jungwoo had poked to take the blood.

“You should bring Seulgi-Noona the blood, or it’ll start clumping,” Doyoung mumbled.

Jungwoo nodded and stepped away from the examination bed.

When he closed the door, he started feeling weird. Like he had overdone it. He shouldn’t talk about emotions and feelings this much, it wasn’t something to share.

Yet, it had felt so good to put it into words, to not be held back by what was too far and what was still okay. To just openly talk. It hadn’t even been hard.

Why didn’t people just… do this more?

Right.

Because you’d be too vulnerable. You’d look weak. He had admitted his mistake. That wasn’t something people generally did.

He shouldn’t be doing it.

That was why he felt weird about it.

Jungwoo found Seulgi in room 4 and handed over the blood. He wasn’t eager to go back, he felt like he had overshared in a negative way. Doyoung might now think less of him, for admitting a fault.

But when he opened the door to the examination room, Doyoung didn’t glare at him.

“I’ve decided it’s not too late if you learn now,” he announced before Jungwoo had even closed the door, “but you have to stop smoking.”

“I… what?”

“You heard me. I don’t like smokers and I think you don’t deserve to be a doctor if you ruin your own health. It’s not like I care, but because of Taeil-Hyung.” Doyoung finished his statement by crossing his arms.

Jungwoo swallowed. He felt the same type of raw panic over being confronted with the demand to stop he had felt when Yuta had asked two days ago.

He wasn’t addicted or anything, but he needed to smoke. He had to fit in, he had to take off the edge.

“You said you don’t do it much, so it shouldn’t be hard, right?” Doyoung eyed him.

“Yeah, well, I just… do it because everyone does, so it’s a little hard to say I’ll just stop.”

“That’s stupid. If everyone throws themselves off a cliff, you throw yourself off a cliff, too?”

“It’s not the same,” Jungwoo hoped Doyoung would drop the topic and pulled the scale from under the supply closet.

“Yeah, it is. Both kill you.”

Jungwoo straightened back up and felt his smile slowly waver. Yeah, he knew smoking wasn’t good, but killing?

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“What I hear is a no.” Doyoung stepped on the scale. The small step gave him a height advantage that brought him to eye-level with Jungwoo.

“Doyoung, I can’t just go and stick out like that, people would ask questions, it’d be weird.”

The scale read 62 kg and Doyoung stepped down while Jungwoo walked over to the desk where Seulgi had left his file open for Jungwoo to write the new measurement in. He had been 62 kg the last time, too, as he had been the time before that and before that. Jungwoo scrolled and noticed it had very slowly gotten more over the last three years, and then there was a sudden steep rise. Probably a growth spurt.

Jungwoo grabbed the measuring tape from the closet and Doyoung already stood with his arms stretched out for Jungwoo to have perfect access. 76 cm was a little smaller than last time, but since his weight was the same and it was such a small change, Jungwoo didn’t really see any issue.

The silence was thick and awkward and Jungwoo was glad he finally had something to say.

“Your weight and waist-size stayed almost the same, that’s really good. They’ve also been consistent over the years so there’s really no need to change anything. I assume you eat really healthily anyway?” Jungwoo looked up. It wasn’t really a question because he had already been witness to Doyoung’s diet and Taeyong’s health consciousness.

“Yeah. Healthier than you.” Doyoung shot back and Jungwoo turned to the screen to save his input.

“Great, so, I’ll check to see if Seulgi-sshi has your results before we can also measure your blood pressure.”

Jungwoo stared at the unlit cigarette and twisted it between his fingers as he walked. Normally, lighting one had been the first thing he had done after leaving the office in the evening.

Today, he had been stuck on staring at it for two blocks.

Doyoung’s and Yuta’s words echoed in his head and he felt a little guilty when he reached into his pocket to pull out the lighter, bringing the flame up.

As the smoke wavered into his mouth, Jungwoo still sighed in relief.

There was no better way to de-stress than this. That’s all he used it for. Even though work wasn’t as exhausting anymore as the first week, it was a demanding job – and it was good it was. Jungwoo wanted to be challenged how he was.

He pulled out his phone, seeing the new messages and quickly inhaled more nicotine before he opened them, just to keep calm. More nights out with different groups of people he’d have to go to. Someone of his fellow Hybrid medicine students had suggested meeting on Friday to talk about their experiences so far and see who had the best internship spot.

Jungwoo took another deep drag. God no, he really didn’t want to go.

It’d be weird if he didn’t, though. He wrote a confirmation.

The boat racing started at 2 pm. Hopefully, no one would overdo it with the alcohol. Jungwoo felt sad just imagining he’d be hungover when he went to do something he genuinely wanted.

And what for? Just so he’d fit in.

He really hated it.

By the time every message had been answered, his cigarette had burnt down and Jungwoo dropped it on the street. The metro station was close, it wasn’t worth lighting another one.

He had to be grateful for what he had. His friends and his studies, it wasn’t a matter of course.

Jungwoo’s thoughts wandered back to Doyoung. He knew, behind the Hybrid feeling like Jungwoo would be wasting his owner’s time by not being grateful enough, there was a personal motive why Doyoung was bitter.

It wasn’t hard to figure out what it was: education.

As a bunny, people wouldn’t even expect him to be able to read. They’d immediately think he was dumbest of the dumb without even knowing him. Yet, he understood complex science and was smart enough to self-teach.

That had to wear you down, it had to be frustrating.

Jungwoo’s t-money card beeped on the reader.

Doyoung might want to go to university, but that’d never become reality, no place would ever take him.

No wonder he’d think Jungwoo was ungrateful if he got this place and didn’t even follow the advice doctors gave.

Worse, if Jungwoo actually got some sort of illness from what he did to himself, there'd be countless treatments at the ready to save his life.

Doyoung had diabetes without him being at fault for becoming ill and the solution that had been suggested had been getting killed.

Jungwoo suddenly felt like throwing up again.

“Sweetie? You realise it’s 1 am and you’ve been walking up and down here for three hours now?” Jungwoo looked up from the floor and it was a little hard to focus on Joohyun, but he managed.

“Yeah? No. Didn’t realise.”

“Okay, you know what? I’m really worried. Is there something… some… one?”

“No, it’s all good.”

“You didn’t… do anything with your boss?”

“Taeil-Hyung? No!” Jungwoo felt his face heat up.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, it’d not that, it’s… about his Hybrid, the one that hates me?”

“What about him?”

“Well, I talked to him and he said I should stop smoking and he could stop being so mean.”

Joohyun sucked in air between her teeth, then chuckled.

“He’s really quite something. Did you tell him off?”

Right.

“I said I wasn’t sure I could.”

“Don’t let them pressure you into something, that’s just pathetic. We’re not 13 anymore and scared to not be considered cool because we didn’t do what everyone was doing.” Joohyun smiled and rubbed his arm.

Right.

Jungwoo totally wasn’t.

Except, that was exactly what he was doing.

And, apparently, he was so good at pretending that even his best friend didn’t know that was what it was.

Jungwoo dropped on the sofa and picked the pack of cigarettes up from where he had thrown it in a fit of anger.

On Friday, Yuta had his hair in a tiny ponytail.

“Be honest, does it look super stupid or could this be a look?” Yuta asked, turning.

Jungwoo bit his lips as he inspected the sad little pigtail.

“Maybe you should grow your hair out for it to work?”

Yuta reached up and pulled the elastic from his hair, sighing deeply.

“I thought about it, too, but I’m not patient enough to do so. Maybe one day. Have you ever had your hair long?”

“No.” Jungwoo really had never had the desire to pull his hair into any updos and give people the chance to pull on it.

Taeil came through the door and bolted to his chair, opened his emails and started frantically scrolling.

“Good morning, Jungwoo. What a beautiful day.”

“It… is.” Jungwoo glance to the window where dark clouds announced rain would start soon.

“So,” Taeil laughed like a maniac from the computer before collecting himself. This was the sort of behaviour Jungwoo had expected to get before understanding what Taeil was doing was actually justified. “My… dear… mother will be coming later. Ah. What a wonderful day!”

“Don’t worry, Hyung, he gets weird like this when it’s about his mother,” Yuta softly chimed in. Jungwoo swallowed and nodded. Parents were a difficult topic, extremely personal, too, but often an issue.

“Yeah, so. If that’d be fine with you, it’d be amazing if you could take a longer break today. Of course, you don’t have to work longer, just, uh, if you could go upstairs earlier, that’d be amazing. I invited her for 12, so she’ll be there at 11:30 the latest, so if you can go up at 11:15 that’d be good?” Taeil swirled around to face him and he looked like he had invited Satan himself.

Jungwoo’s smile had frozen on his face, “Yeah, sure.”

“Great. Don’t worry, she’s not a demon or anything she’s just… at lot. And I don’t want Taeyong, Doyoung, and Jaehyun to have to be alone with her if I can help it.”

Jungwoo swallowed. What kind of parent did he have to imagine for someone as sweet and caring as Taeil? He had automatically thought his whole family would be like him, but, obviously, he didn’t know anything about them.

“Don’t worry, Hyung, she doesn’t eat interns. Or, wait, maybe she does, we’ve not yet presented her one!” Yuta gasped.

“Yuta, stop it.” Taeil sighed while Yuta pressed his palms to his cheeks, eyes wide, making wild faces that made Jungwoo chuckle. “My mother is just… not very happy with my lifestyle choices.”

“Sounds familiar,” Jungwoo felt cold dread run down his back.

Why had he said that? That was too personal and no one would care anyway. He should really stop constantly oversharing…

“I’m sorry to hear that. Uh… are you uncomfortable with that? Because I didn’t think about that, but if you are, you obviously don’t have to go and take the heat.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Jungwoo quickly shook his head. He assumed Taeil’s mother didn’t like that he kept four Hybrids, maybe she also didn’t approve of his choice of profession.

That wasn’t what his parents disagreed on with him.

“Really? Because I’m still forgetting to remember other people have other issues sometimes and I want to be better at that.”

“Yeah, really, don’t worry.” Jungwoo felt this odd, warm feeling spread in his chest, that he had felt before. It was slightly worrisome because he really, really shouldn’t be feeling like this when it was his boss he was talking to.

There was just something about Taeil, that made Jungwoo feel so… understood, respected, and oddly vulnerable and open at the same time. No one would usually ask any of this.

He wasn’t sure how to deal with this, with any of this.

Maybe he should have a smoke?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s an extra chapter ~~~
> 
> Moon Diamond, the first part of this AU, hit 1,000 Kudos and I’m floored and so happy, so, this is a thank-you, in particular to those of you guys who read all the stories <3
> 
> I updated the tags, pls check them!

Jungwoo nearly missed his time to leave. It was usually like that, he was so enamoured with the work Taeil did and with the tasks he was given, he forgot about time completely and it just flew by in a blur.

It was probably the best thing that could have happened to him.

Even his internship at Seoul National hadn’t been like this. Maybe it was because he now was allowed to actually do something, not just watch. More likely, Jungwoo thought it had to do with Taeil, how he treated his patients and how he approached their issues. It let Jungwoo grow more infatuated not only with the work.

Sometimes, owners would grab their Hybrids and leave. Those moments made Jungwoo’s stomach turn because he knew they’d go to another office and the doctor there wouldn’t suggest any of this but have the narcotics be readied.

Luckily, in more cases than might be expected, the owners ended up understanding and willing to provide support.

More, there was at least one person per week coming to seek treatment with a Hybrid that had already been suggested to be put down because they had heard about Taeil and his unusual practices.

That contributed to Jungwoo’s growing admiration for his boss. If he was being honest… he didn’t think there was anyone out there like Taeil. He understood why Doyoung was so protective of him. He was really unique in a wonderful way.

“Hi Hyung! Taeil-Hyung said you might come up early,” Taeyong beamed from the doorframe.

“Yeah. Could I give you a hand with lunch preparations or something?” Jungwoo had felt like he was being a lazy ass for just sitting down on the prepared lunch table several times.

“No, don’t worry, Doie is helping me today, we have everything under control. Oh! Jaehyunnie? Jungwoo-Hyung came up, maybe he could help you with Bio!” Taeyong yelled down the hallway and threw Jungwoo another beam, “That’d be okay, right?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Perfect, his room is the last to the left.”

Jungwoo was about to ask if he should just go, or what, but Taeyong already hurried back to the kitchen.

So, apparently, that was what he was supposed to do.

It felt downright intrusive to walk into his boss’ flat, but Jungwoo tried to ignore the sparkling poster with his name on it and focus on Jaehyun.

As out of place as he felt - it was oddly flattering to be asked for help. He definitely wanted to support Jaehyun advance in his studies, but he was just curious to see how he learnt, if there was any noticeable difference?

He knocked on the last door to the left and a “Come in” came from the other side.

Jaehyun was sprawled over a twin-sized bed, a book and countless worksheets around him. He had his pencil between his teeth, similar to how a dog would hold a stick.

“Hi!” he smiled carefully and sat up. “Is it okay? I could ask Taeil-Hyung later if it bothers you,” Jaehyun asked, quickly making space on his bed by pushing away the worksheets.

“No, I’d love to help you,” Jungwoo assured him, meaning every word.

“I think it’s really not that much but I just can’t make the connection.” Jaehyun singled out a print-out.

“Can I sit here?”

“Yes, yes, please,” Jaehyun quickly patted the duvet two times and Jungwoo sat down.

“Okay, so, there’s a difference between RNA and DNA but I’m so confused about how to explain it.”

Jungwoo felt a smile tug on his lips as he looked over the paper.

“Well, first of all, the RNA is usually only one string, while DNA is a double string, so that’s a major difference. And it’s in the name, too. Do you know what DNA stands for?”

“Uh…” Jaehyun’s eyes turned down, “I uh, wasn’t it, something-something-acid?”

“Deoxyribonucleic acid, the deoxyribose is the sugar used to make it up, while RNA stands for ribonucleic acid because it’s made with ribose. Hear the ‘de’ in deoxyribose? Sounds similar to double, right? That hints that there’s two, you could use it as a crib to remember which is which by using it to remember the two strings or DNA.” Jungwoo checked back to see Jaehyun’s reaction. The Hybrid had started taking notes in a very clean hand, including a small drawing of a DNA helix and an RNA one.

He kept going on, always watching if Jaehyun could keep up and if the explanation seemed to help him.

It was so easy to read him and Jaehyun wasn’t shy to admit where he needed a more in-depth explanation.

But overall, his grasp on the topic was good, he didn’t need any extra support, he just needed normal teaching.

When Jungwoo had finished, Jaehyun looked so genuinely happy and his tail moved a little behind him to indicate his good mood. It was downright adorable.

“Thank you for explaining! You’re really good at that!” Jaehyun nodded happily and Jungwoo wanted to squeak loudly in happiness, but that’d be just too much.

“Anytime.”

“Thank you!” And without further ado, Jaehyun flopped over the bed and draped himself across Jungwoo’s lap.

It was so sudden, Jungwoo startled a little, but Jaehyun seemed unbothered and made himself at home.

“Do you give ear-scratches?” he asked, blinking up at Jungwoo.

It was such a contrast from the rational cleverness he had just portrayed, and Jungwoo was reminded of Taeil’s words that Hybrids were their own, unique species, not humans, not animals, but something different.

This was part of that.

“I can try? It’s been a while.” Jungwoo felt the type of child-like happiness he remembered from when he got a new toy or something.

Not that Jaehyun was a toy.

But he was showing trust and he wanted to spend time with Jungwoo. He showed him more of his nature, the part that Jungwoo wasn’t as familiar with yet. Jaehyun could help him to figure out how the more instinctual traits fit in with his new understanding of Hybrids.

Plus, he was just so excited to cuddle.

He had been so jealous of it and it felt like this was a small dream come true – no matter how ridiculous that might be.

Jungwoo was wary to avoid the spots of eczema on Jaehyun’s head, and carefully ran his fingers through it how he personally enjoyed it. Jaehyun laid still and let Jungwoo figure out how to go about it.

He obviously had petted Hybrids before, when he had been little, but that had been so long ago and he wasn’t sure he had ever done it right.

The fur on Jaehyun’s ears was impossibly soft and silky, and Jungwoo was almost worried to hurt something.

“How’s this?” he asked, feeling a little awkward.

“It’s okay.”

“Can you tell me how to improve it?” Asking for pointers was so easy, he had no worries to be mocked for wanting help. He knew he needed it because he lacked experience.

“Yeah, press a little harder and go a little higher up,” Jaehyun made a happy humming noise when Jungwoo did. It was so cute!

Jungwoo felt nice and warm with Jaehyun’s body half over his. He wished it’d never end, he wanted to have a small cuddling session with Jaehyun forever, but, unfortunately, the doorbell rang and Jaehyun whined.

“That’s Taeil-Hyung’s mother.”

Jungwoo checked his watch and it read 11:38. So she was a little later than anticipated.

Jaehyun scrambled off him and looked at the door with fearful eyes.

Jungwoo swallowed. “Do you not like her?”

“No, I do… she doesn’t like me,” Jaehyun whispered, voice shaky.

Immediately, the words of his boyfriend echoed in Jungwoo’s head, calling Jaehyun gruesome to look at.

“Well, I have to go and check it out, but maybe stay here for now so you can avoid her?” Jungwoo suggested. Jaehyun nodded, staying on the bed while Jungwoo moved to leave.

Doyoung was already by the door, having buzzed the front open, waiting for the guest to arrive.

He sniffed audibly and narrowed his eyes but didn’t say anything.

Jungwoo felt his stomach sink but decided not to say anything either.

It took about half a minute, then, the elevator chimed and a moment later, high heels clicked on the stone floor. Jungwoo tried to not be too nosy, but he felt his fingers twitch.

Doyoung opened the door wider and Jungwoo finally was able to sneak a glance.

“Ah, Dongyoung.” the woman coming down the hallway looked young, very young, but her face was also not moving much so it might be the work of one of the many plastic surgeons in Seoul. Still, she looked good.

Jungwoo could see Taeil in her. Their eyes were similar, but her smile was much too stiff. Or maybe that was the botox? Her make-up was perfect, her hair fell in even locks over her head, and her aura was authoritative, how you’d expect a strict mother to be. Her outfit was Chanel, her handbag from a current collection. Jungwoo had watched the runway. As much as it was a stereotype, he did enjoy fashion.

“Hello,” Doyoung replied, voice cold like it was when he talked to Jungwoo.

“Oh, and who are you?” she had noticed Jungwoo and focussed on him, but her smile remained stiff and only a shadow of that Taeil carried.

Jungwoo didn’t care. He interacted with plenty of cold people, plenty of people he didn’t like. He knew how to handle himself.

“Hello, nice to meet you, I’m Kim Jungwoo, I’m working as Taeil-Hyung’s intern for the next three months.” he quickly dipped into a bow. They stepped aside so Mrs Moon could come inside.

“Ah, yes, he mentioned something like that. Nice to meet you, too. I’m so glad my Taeillie has some normal people in his life.” Jungwoo felt a shiver down his spine. Normal people… “Which semester are you? Fourth? Is it the mandatory internship? Which university do you attend? What’s your grade average?”

Mrs Moon smoothly took off her heels and marched on into the flat. She ran a finger over the edges she passed, inspecting them for dust but there was none to be found.

Jungwoo found himself somewhat waddling behind her while Doyoung remained in the entrance hall.

“Yes, I’m in the fourth semester, doing my mandatory internship. I’m a Korea University student.”

“Ah! K U, how nice! A proper hard-working student then. Very good!” She sounded approving and her smile became noticeably brighter.

“I try.”

Taeyong came from the kitchen, eyes wide how they were so often.

“Good day, Mrs Moon, it’s so nice to see you again!” he quickly bowed and held it for a few seconds.

The woman turned from where she had been inspecting Jungwoo, to look at the Hybrid.

“Yes, I have to check on my Taeillie from time to time, to make sure he’s not turned into a mummy.”

“We would never allow for that to happen!” Taeyong clutched to the wooden spoon in his hands, shaking his head.

“Oh, yes, I know, but there’s not much you could do. I’ll take a water, please,” She said as one would to a waiter, “I noticed there’s still no shelf here, I’ll have to talk to him he can’t live in such a mess.” Mrs Moon walked over to the stacked cardboard boxes and Jungwoo saw Taeyong’s ears flatted against his skull, eyes becoming shiny, his tail unmoving between his legs. He was holding the spoon like it was some lifeline.

Jungwoo felt so utterly powerless. He knew he was here to take the heat but he wasn’t doing anything at all. Doyoung had gotten degraded as an abnormality and Taeyong had been doubted in his abilities to care for his Hyung and treated like a servant at the same time.

He had to do better.

Jungwoo was good at blending in, part of that was making meaningless conversation.

“So, Mrs Moon, is it okay if I address you as such?” Jungwoo put on a winning smile and slowly moved to stand between the kitchen door with the upset Taeyong still in it, and the woman busy inspecting the living room, that wasn’t even that messy. It just looked like it was because things weren’t matching, but everything was cleaned up well. Jungwoo had been wrong about his first assessment due to that as well.

“Yes, of course. Ah, I’ve not heard about your academic performance, Jungwoo-sshi. Come sit and tell me more about it.” She pulled out a chair for herself and gestured to the one on the other side of the table. Jungwoo sat down, happy that she wasn’t only taking the bait but even supplying the topics.

“Oh, well, I try to keep my average no lower than 99%.” he offered. He had nothing to be ashamed of, nothing at all.

“Hard-working indeed. How come you’ve ended up here and not at Seoul National? Taeillie did all his internships and residency there, he was in the top of the class of his year. Too bad he decided to throw all that away and focus on… well.” She looked around with a slightly wrinkled nose and frown. “Do you own a Hybrid? Or… many?”

Taeyong came from the kitchen with her water and Jungwoo hurried to answer so she’d not pay him attention, but keep it on himself.

“I did my first internship at Seoul National, but this time my fate was decided by the lot and I found the work rather interesting so far. Taeil-Hyung showed me very insightful new approaches and a broad spectrum of possibilities. I feel like I already learnt more during the first two weeks than I would have expected to learn during the whole three months.”

“Hm… yes.” Mrs Moon looked very disapproving now, but Jungwoo didn’t let his smile falter. He was willing to blend in, disregard his own opinions, yes, but he wasn’t going to pretend Taeil wasn’t absolutely amazing at his job and in his work ethic to his own mother. He had too much respect and too much affection for him to do that.

“I don’t really believe these… studies that he likes to use. I just don’t understand how a Hybrid would be like a human, I don’t think it exists. But he has these phases, like during the time in high school when he went out with… ah, well. It doesn’t matter. I’m sure he’ll grow out of it and realise he’s been fooled by some Hybrid-loving agenda. I already asked, do you own a Hybrid?”

Oh yes, phases. How much parents loved to label everything as phases.

“No, I don’t. But I really enjoy spending time with Taeyong, Jaehyun, Yuta, and Doyoung.”

“I know, Dongyoung and Yuta are quite cute, aren’t they? Just a little bit too disobedient but Taeillie won’t discipline them. Did he tell you I studied at K U as well? He probably didn’t. I’m still upset he decided to follow the footsteps of his father, may he rest in peace, and go to Yonsei. I know, how could I even marry someone from the enemy’s lines?” she chuckled and Jungwoo had to take a deep breath when he tried to fit together that Taeil’s mother looked barely 40 and his father had already passed away.

“No, he didn’t mention it.”

“Yes, yes, always loyal to the alma mater, aren’t we all?” she laughed. “I know he made his father proud so I can’t even be too upset. But seeing that he got an intern from K U is still so nice. The campus changed so much since I went there, it’s been, what…” she started whispering under her breath, calculating years, “Oh my, 25 years since my graduation, I should have celebrated it during the anniversary, silly me, I forgot all about that. How did you decide you’d want to study Hybrid medicine? Why not real medicine?”

Jungwoo wanted to ask if Hybrid medicine was fake but he didn’t.

“Well, I’ve always been passionate about helping others. Ever since I came here even more so. It’s also so versatile with how Taeil-Hyung retracts to human treatments to help Hybrids, it’s amazing and I’m so curious to learn as much as possible.”

“Of course, Taeillie is so talented, isn’t he? I wished he had used all this talent to become a real doctor, but he was so set on Hybrids, it’s a pity. He should at least marry a pretty and smart girl. And soon. It’s best to marry before you’re 25 and have children, so you’re still youthful. Do you have a girlfriend? You should plan ahead and get married just out of uni, trust me. I’m sure your mother told you the same.”

“I still have over three years left before I’ll be finished, though.” Jungwoo chuckled nervously. Marriage? Hell no!

Not like gay marriage was legal anyway.

“Yes, yes, but the time will go by and then all the good girls will be taken. I married right out of uni as well and had Taeillie soon, it’s really the best! I’m sure your girlfriend will be happier if she doesn’t have to push you.”

“I don’t think she’s the type wanting to get married.”

“No, no, all girls are, believe me. She might not say it but she wants the perfect wedding with a princess dress and flowers.”

“Eomma, please don’t try and talk my intern into marriage just because you can’t with me.” Taeil’s voice interrupted the conversation.

Mrs Moon got off her chair to hug her son, telling him he was eating too much and patting his cheek. Jungwoo stared at the bookshelf on the other side of the living room and sighed. He really didn’t miss this. His mother had been a little bit like that.

When she had still looked at her son.

“Hyung, can I sit next to you?” a soft voice came from next to him and he looked up to see Jaehyun, looking worried. “I don’t want to sit next to her.” He glanced over to where Taeil’s mother was not pulling on his hair, telling him to get a different cut.

“Sure, of course, you can.” Jungwoo pulled the chair out for Jaehyun to sit and the Hybrid very quickly slipped into it, proceeding to slouch and make himself appear smaller. Taeyong came from the kitchen and soon, they had all gathered around the table, each in different stages of discomfort.

“Taeillie, why didn’t you mention your intern was from K U? The second-best uni in South Korea?”

“Oh, I think I mentioned he was from K U, the third-best uni in the country.” Taeil returned. Where it would usually immediately turn into an easy chatter with someone making a joke or bringing up a new question or a topic connecting, today, the remark was followed by silence.

Mrs Moon sighed and turned to Jungwoo. “Yonsei- students, always living in delusion.”

Jungwoo forced a chuckle, “I’m sure he knows the truth, deep inside.”. He hated it. Normally, here was the one place where he didn’t have to do that. It was easy for him, he always faked the reactions he knew people kept expecting, but that didn’t mean he was enjoying himself.

Taeil and his mother kept bickering a little, but all the jokes fell flat because all four Hybrids had become basically mute. Even Yuta stared at his rice like it was telling him a story.

Jungwoo replied whenever addressed, but with the mother of his boss added into the equation, it was a constant balance between what would still be acceptable and what would be too much.

It felt like lunch took forever and once everyone had finally finished, Jungwoo joined the group of people fleeing into the kitchen. Normally, the door was always open, today, Yuta closed it behind himself.

The second it was shut, he shook himself and poked out his tongue.

“I wished she just wouldn’t come anymore,” he looked back at the door.

“She didn’t say much today, though, did she?” Jaehyun softly added.

Taeyong nodded and Doyoung turned on the water with too much force, making the grey cat startle.

Jungwoo felt the need to apologise on her behalf. For being a fellow human, a fellow Korea University student, whatever. It’d be ridiculous to do so, so he didn’t, but he felt just so uncomfortable.

Yet, he realised this was probably what it was like the moment these four stepped outside of this safe bubble that was Taeil’s flat.

Jungwoo wondered how they felt when they saw other Hybrids, stuck in the personas their breeder had trained them into, how they felt when owners had their cats or bunnies sit under the table, shop owners putting dog Hybrids into the window like the newest fashion.

“Hyung?” Jungwoo turned his head to see Taeyong next to him. His eyes up close were even more striking than from a distance, the green like someone had picked up colour and drawn them in. “Thanks for talking to her and making her not come into the kitchen to nag. She always does that.” Taeyong looked around the room. “She always tells me it’s not clean enough and my skills aren’t good enough.”

“She just hates us and lets it out on the closest victim, Hyung. This place can’t get any cleaner.” Doyoung snarled and splashed the water.

“Doyoung is right, the kitchen looks amazing and your cooking is better than most restaurants.” Jungwoo agreed.

“Yeah, I think so, too.” Jaehyun left the towel on the counter and walked over to hug Taeyong, who easily hugged back, nodding. Jungwoo loved the easy show of support, yet he wished he could contribute to it better.

“We all wonder how such a wonderful person like Taeil could have a mother so entitled and unwilling to accept anything that’d require to think outside the box. It just makes us even happier you’re not like her,” Yuta untypically solemnly added and slowly picked up the towel to resume what Jaehyun had stopped.

“He’s not much better.” Doyoung chipped in and Jungwoo felt like it was a stab to his heart.

“Yeah, he is. Please stop with your teenager moodiness it’s killing my vibe.”

“You’re only four months older than me.”

“And so much more mature. Maybe we need to feed you more carrots?”

“Can you stop with the stupid bunny jokes? They’re not funny and they never were.”

“Taeyong, quick, we need the peace-carrot or the evil super-rabbit will emerge and squash us all in his anger!” Yuta squeaked and started running through the small room, fighting invisible enemies with the dishtowel.

Jungwoo spent another 30 minutes being told to marry early and get a good spot at a hospital, maybe go into research and make Korea University more reputable, before Mrs Moon finally left at 13:34 pm and Jungwoo could return to his actual job.

He was as drained as he had been during the first days, but Taeil’s grateful smile was enough to make up for it.

Which was another issue entirely.

Jungwoo couldn’t help that he felt like Taeil deserved even more respect for what he was doing at such a young age and for how mature and sensible a person he was because his mother wasn’t the one that had raised him into this person, didn’t even seem to fully support his decisions.

“I hope my mother wasn’t too embarrassing or intrusive?” Taeil had actually finished on time, which meant he was in the office when Jungwoo pulled out his belongings to leave.

“It was fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Do you mind if I rant for a second?” Taeil looked up from the computer that was shutting down.

“N-no, go ahead?” Jungwoo wasn’t sure anyone had asked for permission to rant before. That Taeil would, just fit. It was such a Taeil-thing to do, something so deeply considerate and respectful.

“I really don’t get what she gets out of being so ignorant. I just don’t. I’ve had Doyoung for six years. Six! She’s met him plenty, yet all she ever does is complain that he’s got no manners. She doesn’t care he’s extremely smart and bright, she won’t even acknowledge it. All she wants to know is how much I spent on his insulin that month.

“It’s not even her money. None of it is. During uni, I used my savings to pay for him and now I earn my own. I used the money I inherited from my father to buy this place here and set it up. Yet, she keeps pretending like I’m still living off her and owe her all my success. I get parents never really accept their kids grow up, I’m the same, but she just keeps insisting she’s smarter than me and more educated and won’t listen to me at all.”

Taeil rubbed his face and leaned back in his chair. Jungwoo sat down on the edge of the desk.

“I can live with the ‘Taeillie, go and meet a nice girl to marry soon’, but you saw how the kids were during lunch, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“I hate seeing them like that but I can’t change it. If they do chime in, she’ll tell them off and that’s even worse. I tried stopping her and told her she has no right to mess with my Hybrids but she keeps doing it because she is my mother and has every right to do so – in her opinion. Honestly, I cut most people from my life because they were like her. I just don’t have the energy to waste on people like that. But how can I cut off my own mother, right? I already try and avoid her as much as possible but there’s a limit to how much I can do. I usually meet her somewhere else, go have dinner and invite her. She’s always happy to see and be seen, and I can spare the kids the humiliation.”

Jungwoo understood where Taeil was coming from. He had felt awful seeing the Hybrids so quiet and subdued, too. But he was right, this was his mother! Just how to say this…

“Oh, you don’t have to answer, if know you can’t talk bad about other people’s parents, especially your boss’.” Taeil chuckled. Jungwoo relaxed a little and nodded. He’d really rather not – especially since he didn’t really know what to tell him. He hadn’t been the one to make the choice with his parents, it had been made for him. Had he been, he would have ended up doing the same as Taeil and stay despite everything. Family was family, right? “I said it before, I’m really happy I got you.”

Taeil looked directly at Jungwoo and smiled that genuine smile he had. Jungwoo felt warmth in his chest.

“I’m glad I was given the chance to broaden my horizon. I’ll try harder.” Jungwoo smiled back but Doyoung’s words were in the back of his mind.

Taeil’s eyes roamed his face for a second too long, lingered on his lips for a moment too long.

If this were a club, a bar, anything, Jungwoo would have tried to involve Taeil in another conversation. Something about the music he liked, or a movie. Something meaningless, where he could subtly inch closer to see if he’d pull away or take the bait.

This wasn’t that and he already knew Taeil liked pop music and ballads, his favourite hero was Spider-Man, and he watched terrible love-triangle dramas nearly every evening. Jungwoo realised he had no interest in getting Taeil into bed just for a night and either sneak out in the morning or swear on his life he’d not tell a single soul ever or be murdered in his sleep for outing him to the world that would see him as an abomination for being with another man.

He loved the conversations too much to give them up, he loved spending time with Taeil and his Hybrids. He wanted to learn so much more from Taeil’s amazing skills and knowledge that he wasn’t stingy to share with him.

Yet there was this tingling in his fingers, this racing of his heart, and the thoughts going places they shouldn’t when he thought about Taeil.

It all mixed into this overwhelming affection that was warm in his chest.

Jungwoo knew he couldn’t even think about it for a moment too long because he couldn’t have any of this. Not only because Taeil was his boss.

But because Taeil deserved someone that thought as selflessly as him, that was as open and judgement-free as him, and that was as patient and tolerant.

Jungwoo wasn’t any of that. He couldn’t even quit the nicotine for the sake of one of them. He was self-centred and a push-over.

“How… how do you just cut people from your life? Isn't it lonely?” he softly asked, looking away.

He couldn’t let himself think these thoughts. They were bad.

Jungwoo’s relationships always ended up being wrecks.

Partly because of him. It always took two.

He was sure he’d ruin everything he enjoyed about being with Taeil.

He was just curious.

“I’m not really an extroverted person. I used to be very shy and awkward. Well. More awkward than I’m now, but you have to overcome it for work, I guess. So I don’t need many friends, I just need good friends. Believe me, with four Hybrids, the last thing you ever are is lonely. Maybe I wished I had someone to rant to more often. It’s probably not very professional to use your intern for that.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t mind it,” Jungwoo did the opposite of minding it. All these conversations with Taeil were so enriching, so encouraging, and made him want to improve as a person.

“Okay, thanks. So, yeah, I’m never lonely, but I do have some things I don’t really have anyone to talk to about. I don’t think all humans out there are shortsighted idiots or anything, but those I knew all were and now I don’t have much time to go out and meet new ones. It is what it is.

“I’d rather force my poor intern to make over-hours to complain about the unfairness of the world than having to sit with people who speak ill of Hybrids or mistreat them in front of my eyes. People will also not invite you back if you start an argument about it. I can’t not do it, to be honest. I don’t want to tolerate it because if I want things to change then I can’t close my eyes to them just for some questionable comfort or superficial friendships.”

The memory of the girl under the table was still fresh in Jungwoo’s mind. He hadn’t said anything.

A sad laugh left his lips, “Seriously, I wished I was half as good a person as you are.”

“Please, don’t make me something I’m not. I’m just human, too. I have many flaws and I didn’t adopt a sickly bunny Hybrid from the goodness of my heart. I was curious about doing research on him.”

“If you weren’t, then you’d have him sit in the corner, silent, like so many other Hybrid doctors.”

“Well, maybe I was a little more open-minded going into it, ready to see there could be more to him. But it was also him showing me how much more he could be. By the way, Doyoung told me he was willing to make peace but you hadn’t agreed to his terms?”

Jungwoo felt the outline of the lighter in his bag.

“I told him I would try,” he corrected. He could try because he wasn’t even nearly as good and open-minded as Taeil was.

“He wouldn’t tell me what it was about, seems very top secret.” Taeil chuckled and Jungwoo felt his face grow warm.

“I wouldn’t say that…”

“Well, I really hope it’ll work out. I’m sure you can do it! Remember, it’s all about wanting to make a change and starting with yourself!” Taeil smile was so bright, so full of confidence – more confidence in Jungwoo than Jungwoo had for himself.

It was odd, to see that. When had there been so much unconditional support?

Didn’t he want to become a good person? Wouldn’t he want to make change? If he could?

But that would mean sticking out, not keeping quiet just to fly under the radar.

It meant making himself the target by standing up for an unpopular opinion – for his opinion.

Jungwoo wasn’t sure he could do that. He wasn’t like Taeil.

“Doyoung’s very caring once you get under the hard shell. He’s been a little cranky since Jaehyun came and his beloved Taeyong no longer focusses all his attention on him, so that probably made the situation harder, too.”

“Normal sibling situation,” Jungwoo muttered.

“That’s true, the middle child is always the one suffering the most. Do you have siblings?”

“Yeah, I have a younger and older sister.”

“Oh, my bad, I didn’t mean to imply you were treated badly by your parents.” Taeil laughed nervously. Jungwoo shook his head.

“It’s okay. I don’t have any contact with my family anyway, so I won’t take it the wrong way.”

Taeil’s smile faltered and genuine worry took over.

“You don’t? Shit, I shouldn’t, oh god, this is getting worse by the second.”

“It’s not your fault, don’t worry about it.” Jungwoo waved off.

“No, but really, Jungwoo, if you need support or just a hug or anything, I mean, you’re welcome here anyway, but if you don’t have a family to supply that, please, come here, okay? No one deserves to have to walk through life all alone.”

Jungwoo had to swallow past a weird choked-up feeling.

“O-okay. S-sure. Thank you.”

_[from: Babe] [sent: 4:21 pm]_

_Hyung, you said you’d call._

_[from: Babe] [sent: 4:45 pm] _

_Did you forget?_

_[to: Babe] [sent: 4:53 pm]_

_Sorry, just got out of work, babe, of course, I didn’t forget. I’m literally at Cheongdam station right now_

_[from: Babe] [sent: 4:54 pm]_

_Send a pic or I won’t believe you! :(_

_[to: Babe] [sent: 4:55 pm]_

_<pic>_

_[from: Babe] [sent: 4:56 pm]_

_Aw damn_

_I miss you and I won’t even see you later </3_

_You’ll be having fun all without me TTTTTTT_

_It’s so unfair!!_

_Meet me on Sunday?_

_[to: Babe] [sent: 4:57 pm]_

_Sure _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you so much for the love and support I received for this series. I write for myself first, but when putting my work out there, there’s no better reward than to hear others enjoy it. 
> 
> I appreciate every comment and all feedback so much and I love nothing more than to ramble on about the story or hear how you perceived it. I hope you’ll all stick around to the end of this – which might be the last part of the series bc… lemme tell you, this is a beast to write but I love it and I don’t want to get to the point where I no longer love it, how it happened with my last long series, but we’ll see what the future brings <3
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	8. Chapter 8

The flat was filled with soft chimes, meaning they had decided to play Joohyun’s playlist today.

Jungwoo finally looked up from his boyfriend’s messages, that he had been staring at for the last 45 minutes of getting through Seoul traffic back home, and was greeted with the two girls on the sofa.

“Welcome home!” Joohyun beamed.

“Hi,” Jungwoo smiled tiredly and made a bee-line for his room. He had to be back outside in not even an hour. He didn’t regret having stayed longer to talk and thus now being in a hurry. It just made him want to leave again even less.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Taeil’s words over and over and over and over.

Instead of taking the shower he desperately needed, Jungwoo dropped onto his bed. The lighter poked his hip uncomfortably and he pulled it from his pocket, flinging it away carelessly.

He stared up at the ceiling. There was a brown shadow around the corners from tar and Jungwoo closed his eyes, pressing the heels of his palms against them. He shouldn’t think about it. If he didn’t think about it, he could do this.

His cigarettes were in a rubbish bin in Cheongdam, anyway. He had nothing to light up and inhale.

How had he gotten to this point? How had this even happened? He still remembered the day so vividly, the day that had been a fresh start.

He had told himself he’d not be the same Jungwoo that had gone to high school, the same Jungwoo that had gotten his lunch money taken and new bruises all over his body every day. He was going to be tough, masculine, cool, and popular.

No more boys calling him a girl, no one calling him gay, no more crying under his blankets every night.

He would make friends with everyone and be happy.

It was a façade, nothing but lies, because his true self would never be accepted.

Jungwoo felt a hot tear trail down the side of his face.

He didn’t want to be that person anymore. It was tiring. It wasn’t him. He just wanted to be himself again.

If he did, he’d be back to being alone, wouldn’t he?

At least he had friends now – but he hardly even knew the majors of all these friends. He didn’t know their interests, he didn’t know their plans and hopes and dreams.

They didn’t know anything about him either. Jungwoo never told them and he had no desire to because he knew they’d end up making fun of it and he’d be back to the Jungwoo he had been – made fun of, ridiculed, excluded, and lonely. He always was on edge when he met up with anyone. He was scared to slip up and suddenly be the outsider once more.

Were those even friends?

Yet, he clung onto it. After what had happened, they were all he had left. There was no family to fall back onto, to have his back, and to support him.

He had Joohyun. But in the end, the foundation of their friendship was as shaky as the façades they both showed the public and that were never fully broken even if it was just the two of them. They both smiled and assured each other they were fine. They were happy.

The issue was: he wasn’t happy. He wasn’t even sure what was his genuine personality and what was part of the façade he had built up. The fake-Jungwoo was tough, cool, and popular. The real Jungwoo startled easily and asked for help, but he was also insecure, emotional, and girly – all the things that made people laugh and talk badly about a person.

He turned and buried his face in his blankets, helping to soak up the tears. He hadn’t cried in so long, but it felt freeing.

He could let out all frustrations and worries. There was no one here to tell him only girls cried.

So he just did.

He cried over why he’d been living in the lie that Hybrids were cute pets when they were anything but, he cried over Doyoung not being allowed to attend university when he wanted to, he cried over Taeil’s “kids” being looked down upon by his mother, he cried over his friends not even listening half as well as a group of people he had only known for two weeks, he cried over him numbing all his emotions with permanently smoking, he cried over being in a relationship with a person he hated talking to, and he cried over never being enough in his family’s eyes because of something he couldn’t change.

He cried until he had a headache and felt sick, but everything seemed a little less overwhelming. It was almost like having a smoke. Only, having a smoke was okay and crying wasn’t.

Ruining his health was more acceptable than doing something connected to femininity.

When he looked at his phone, he realised he had not even five minutes left to go to a meeting he didn’t want to attend.

No way could he show up there with red and puffy eyes.

He sent a quick text that he wouldn’t make it. It was so relieving. He had wanted to say this all week but hadn’t. Now, there was an excuse not to go. Just this once. Hopefully, no one would think anything weird if he wasn’t there.

Whatever. Just this once, he did what he wanted to.

He clicked the link Yuta had sent him earlier this week, slowly scrolling through the information on the page despite already having done so a few times before due to his excitement for the event.

Now, he wouldn’t even have to worry about hang-over.

A small smile spread on his face and he nuzzled into his pillow, attentively reading what he hadn’t yet. He grew even more excited. Then, something stuck out to him.

Huh?

He opened the messenger app and ignored the influx of texts from people he didn’t care about, going all the way down to _Yuta_. For a moment, he hesitated. Would this be weird?

No. Yuta was always curious and easily talked to him. This would be fine.

_[to: Yuta] [sent: 7:01 pm]_

_Did you see there’ll be betting?_

_[from: Yuta] [sent: 7:02 pm]_

_I nearly yeeted my phone through the living room when you texted me!! (*_ _ﾟﾛﾟ_ _)_

_I did. _

_I’ve made my choice already (_ _｡_ _•_ _̀ᴗ-)_ _✧_

_I plan to win $$$_

_[to: Yuta] [sent: 7:05 pm]_

_Oh, my bad._

_Do you have any tips for first-time betters?_

_[from: Yuta] [sent 7:06 pm]_

_Sorry, I can’t let you in on my insider knowledge or I’ll risk my $$$ win_ _( •᷄__⌓__•__᷅ )_

Jungwoo chuckled. Their conversation bounced back and forth a few more times, and he slowly started to feel a little better.

The headache was still there, pulsing behind his eyes, but he picked himself up from his bed slowly nevertheless. He chose a new pyjama, not the ratty tee he had just been slipping into for the last two weeks, which was much too long to wear clothes anyway but he had been too lazy to change it, and moved from his room.

The living room was empty, but he could hear soft moans from Joohyun’s room. Good. They’d not see him then. He stopped to fill a big cup with water. He sat down on the counter and started sipping it, slowly replenishing what he probably had cried out.

His thoughts wandered to his boyfriend. Jennie had previously clocked him for being a bad partner to him.

If he was being honest… he probably was. Not on purpose, he hadn’t gone to get a boyfriend to be an ass to him. He never had the previous times. It had just always happened.

It probably had to do with the fact that he never really talked to his boyfriends. Jungwoo tried to remember if there ever had been one it might have been a good time talking to, but he couldn’t recall. It was always annoying because he ended up being pushed around and talked over, and Jungwoo hated raising his voice and shoving his own opinion down anyone’s throat. He hated even having an opinion that differed from anyone else’s.

Usually, it had been him getting dumped eventually, one, two, rarely three months into the relationship because it never grew deeper how a relationship should and had to, to be sustainable. He was usually bored at that point. There was only so much you could get out of a purely physical attraction, it all became stale over time.

Even then, Jungwoo had always clung to them. He’d rather have a bad relationship than none because it was either that or be alone.

Taeil’s words echoed in his head, that he was always welcome there.

There was no reason to doubt them. It just fit, it was just so ‘Taeil’.

And honestly? Jungwoo wanted to come back, even after the three months. His wish and what, rationally, would be the right decision were conflicting in his head. No one just invited themselves into their boss’s life after an internship of three months. No one knowingly stuck around a person they felt attracted to when they knew they could absolutely never move on the feeling.

It was dumb and risky, it was imposing and ridiculous.

But Taeil had offered, he had made it clear the doors were open for Jungwoo.

There was no other place where Jungwoo felt so supported and so accepted.

Taeil was right. He didn’t have the energy to deal with people that didn’t agree on his views. He couldn’t sit there and listen to others talking poorly of Hybrids. Not if he was going to be a doctor – a good doctor.

Just… Jungwoo wasn’t as strong and as selfless as Taeil. He was weak and frightened and a pushover. He was girly and he was gay.

There had to be a limit to how much Taeil would accept.

Jungwoo shouldn’t allow himself to build expectations that rose into the sky and think anyone could meet them.

The water was finished and Jungwoo sighed deeply before he put the empty cup into the sink to wash after his shower. Maybe he should order some food, too. His headache might become better.

Or, he’d just try and sleep it off.

He picked his pyjama back up and shuffled into the bathroom, taking a long and soothing shower where he washed his face and felt at least a part of the upset and the hurt go down the drain with the bubbles of soap.

2 pm on a Seoul-summer-day wasn’t the ideal time to be outside.

Jungwoo used the flyer someone excited with a funny hat, shaped like a boat, had pressed into his hand to at least move the air a little, but he still felt like he was going to melt into the asphalt any moment now.

“Jungwoo-Hyung! Over here!” Some people turned their heads over the loud yelling and wild waving, but Jungwoo couldn’t hold back a big grin as he picked up the pace a little. Yuta was sitting on the side of the pedestrian’s walk where they had a perfect view, families both left and right of him and the others. Taeil had a parasol and was in a striped shirt and shorts, while Jaehyun was bundled up, a cap hiding his hair and ears.

It was odd, to see his boss like this, but his bright smile was the same he had at work.

“Hi!” Jungwoo felt like a boy on his birthday when he settled down where Yuta wanted him next to himself.

“So? Did you decide who to bet on?” the beagle immediately asked, pulling out a crumbled piece of paper with a colourful print on it, announcing it to be a lottery ticket for…

“Oh, ship number 5? Is that the one I should set on?” Jungwoo asked. Yuta immediately hid it from sight.

“That’s cheating! If you bet on the same, the rate will worsen and I will make less money back.”

“Yuta, there are about 5,000 people watching, the rate is probably not going to change.” Taeil reasoned.

“This is about principle. I did very throughout research to get to this conclusion.” Yuta huffed, still clinging to his paper

“Well, I planned to bet on number 8 anyway,” Jungwoo immediate backtracked. He would have changed it if Yuta would have been okay with that, but if he wasn’t, then Jungwoo had no right to take this from him. Like he had said, he had done research and Jungwoo hadn’t. He didn’t want to upset Yuta or steal his idea.

“I bet on number eight as well, Hyung!” Jaeyhun perked up and the tags on his collar clicked against each other. Jungwoo glanced down, his eyes getting caught by the shiny metal for a second.

“Me, too. Eight is lucky, right?” Taeil joined in. He hadn’t styled his hair today, Jungwoo noticed. It was soft and floppy over his forehead instead of the more professional side part he normally wore and sometimes even styled back with gel. Together with the stripes and colours instead of the clean and stiff white he usually wore, he looked almost like a different person.

Once more, Jungwoo thought this was probably not the best idea anyone had ever had. His heart was racing much too fast than would be reasonable for an outing with his boss.

He managed to get a hold of the girl selling the tickets and the race began soon. The starting point was far away, only barely visible. Yuta and Jaehyun kept passing a spyglass between themselves, which allowed them to wildly comment on the happenings far away. Jungwoo found himself grow excited along the two Hybrids, trying to see more than possible by squinting at the distance.

“So, apparently, eight wasn’t so lucky. They sunk.” Taeil was suddenly next to him, his parasol over his shoulder where he kept it by hooking his chin over the handle. The shade on Jungwoo’s arm was a small relief from the burning heat.

“How do you know?” he looked at the other in surprise, then into the distance but the specs weren't even boat shaped to his eyes.

“Twitter.” Taeil waved his phone. A step away, Jaehyun tried to hold into the binocular for longer than he, according to Yuta, deserved.

“They tweet about this?” Jungwoo abandoned his futile squinting at the Han and turned to Taeil. He looked a little dorky with his chin squashed from holding the parasol. Bringing one was such a granny-thing to do, but it was smart. Taeil wasn’t sweating as badly as Jungwoo was and he also was at a much lower risk of getting sunburnt than Jungwoo – and Yuta, for that matter.

If only he wasn’t so terrified by what other people thought.

“Of course. Everyone uses Twitter these days, it’s really handy.” Taeil smiled up.

Jungwoo had a Twitter, too, to follow idol groups and cute pet blogs. He pulled out his phone and Taeil told him the handle, so he could see the regular updates chiming in.

He hadn’t joked, ship eight had sunk four minutes ago, the admin had included a photo from the scene of the tragedy.

“I’m weirdly upset over losing.” Taeil sighed and shifted his legs to be more comfortable. Jungwoo’s eyes flitted over, to follow the movement, and he couldn’t stop them from lingering for a moment. Taeil’s legs were pale and slim, with next to no hair on them.

Jungwoo forced himself to look away and on his phone again. He had zero room to do any of this right here.

“Your mum said you were top of the class. I guess you’re a bit competitive, right?” Jungwoo stared at his phone in an effort to get his mind back out of the gutter.

“Great, of course, she said that,” Taeil sighed deeply, “I wasn’t the top, only top 10%, just so no weird misinformation gets spread. But I guess I am. I used to cry when I lost or got a bad grade in school.”

Jungwoo chuckled and finally managed to look back at Taeil’s face.

“I’m, too. I mean, I don’t cry, but I don’t like losing,” It was only a small lie, one he felt guilty about, but men didn’t cry. Even if Taeil had admitted to doing so when he was younger, Jungwoo needed to protect his image.

“Anyone who says they don’t mind is secretly lying, in my opinion,” Taeil smirked and Jungwoo’s heart did a small flip.

A growl interrupted the moment and Jungwoo jerked around to find that Jaehyun had his hands in Yuta’s tee and Yuta had his in his face.

“Let’s hope at least Yuta will get his money back.” Taeil sighed, obviously unbothered by the two Hybrids getting into a fight over the spyglass. Jungwoo tried to ignore them as well, but he felt himself glance over in worry.

“Uh, I was wondering why Taeyong and Doyoung didn’t come. Well. Not so much Doyoung…” Jungwoo’s hands went to the back of his chinos but there was nothing there – no lighter, no cigarettes. He tapped his fingers, wishing for some distraction. God, he really needed a smoke, but he couldn’t. It itched under his skin, the voice in his head that had been going on and off about it since last night whining loudly for the sweet relief, but he had made up his mind.

His health went first.

Yuta had snatched the glass now but Jaehyun tried to get it back immediately.

“Doyoung didn’t not come because of you, don’t worry, he stayed back to keep Taeyong company. Taeyong doesn’t like going out and he especially doesn’t like crowds. I hope he can get more comfortable, but he’s also a huge homebody who genuinely doesn’t mind not leaving the house for days.

“I’ve had Doyoung for six years, but I had Taeyong the second-longest, so the two are really close. Even if he might have been interested, Doyoung always puts Taeyong first. At one point, I thought he might have a crush on Taeyong, but I think he out-grew it.” Taeil chuckled and Jungwoo’s entire body froze up, a cold shiver running down his spine.

He laughed nervously, “Puppy love?”

“Something like that, I think. I don’t know whether to be glad they never got together or not.”

Jungwoo’s stomach felt like a stone sitting in his body, hurting.

Of course, no parent would want to see their kid end up in a gay relationship. It was abnormal, frowned upon, disgusting.

There was no way Taeil was different, this was where he’d stop being perfect.

This was, how Jungwoo would be able to finally contain this crush situation he struggled with.

“Two boys together is… difficult, right?”

Taeil put his phone aside and took his parasol with his free hand, which stopped him looking dorky and returned to the effortless handsome state he usually was in.

“Jungwoo, are you a homophobe?” he raised an eyebrow and now Jungwoo’s entire body flooded with burning heat.

“No!”

“Hm, good. Because love is love, you know? You shouldn’t judge anyone because of something so beautiful and natural, that they can’t do anything about.”

Jungwoo couldn’t hold Taeil’s gaze anymore. He turned to where Yuta was still in possession of the spyglass and Jaehyun tried to lean over the handrail as far as possible.

His vision became a little blurry, too much wetness collecting in his eyes. Panicked, Jungwoo tried to blink it away.

“Y-yeah. I think the same. I was just wondering why you were worried.” He admitted softly. He wished he could use nicotine to bury all these emotions under. He couldn’t cry – it wasn’t manly and it wasn’t mature.

“Well, definitely not because it’d be a homosexual pair. Mainly, I was worried it’d become awkward if they wouldn’t work out. You know, it happens, not every love is meant to last forever, but that might have become a huge issue I’d much rather not have to figure out. It was hard enough when Taeyong first came and Doyoung was jealous all the time. I had tried to not, but he became a spoilt single-child. It was a little like how it is now, that he lost his youngest-child-status. On the other hand, I know we already overcame it once so I know Doyoung will eventually come to terms with it and find a new role in the family, other than ‘youngest’.”

Taeil sounded so cheerful and so serious at the same time.

Jungwoo stared up at the sky, watching the clouds pass by over the endless sea of blue.

“Hyung, I think you’re more reasonable than most parents at age 50.”

There were a few beats of silence between them, filled with children laughing and Yuta and Jaehyun bickering.

“I wish I was. But I can only try. I still lack in so many ways, most of all, in experience.”

“Maybe, but you’re, what? 25?”

“I’m 24.”

Jungwoo turned, knowing his words would be more meaningful if he didn’t hide away from Taeil while saying them.

“I find it really inspiring. I find you really inspiring. You helped me learn and realise so many things already I would have probably never noticed and never changed if it weren’t for you. So… thank you. Really.”

Taeil’s eyes were thoughtful, wandering over Jungwoo’s face and lingering for too long. He felt so vulnerable and open. He normally never said things like this. He wasn’t sure where it had come from. It must be how open Taeil always was, Jungwoo found himself pulled in and able to reciprocate.

In a way, Taeil gave him the power first. Jungwoo could go and mock him, declare him a crazy person or a nightmare. But he didn’t feel that way. He didn’t want to do that. Taeil gave him the match to light up the fuse and Jungwoo could choose to throw it away. When he opened to Taeil in return, there was no more risk of an explosion.

Instead of backing out and trying to hide away, he held the gaze even though it made him twitch in nervousness and his heart race.

“That’s good, then. Change is usually good, it allows growth.” Taeil smiled and Jungwoo’s chest felt warm and tight again.

The voice in his head told him that he really needed to smoke, to feel less.

He couldn’t. Not anymore. He was going to grow and he was going to grow into these feelings and learn to understand them anew after having numbed them for years.

“Guys, you have to look, they’re close enough now, stop being boring!” Yuta yelled and Jungwoo looked down the river to see that, indeed, the colourful boats were in sight now. Some looked like they were basically made by professionals, while others were as miss-matched as the sofas in Taeil’s living room.

In the end, Yuta had actually set on the right horse – or rather ship.

“Hyung, why didn’t you let me bet on number five as well?” Jaehyun looked like he had been deeply wounded by the loss of 5,000 Won and enviously stared at the bills in Yuta’s hands.

“You should have done your own research!” Yuta tutted with a broad grin.

Jaehyun looked so devastated, Jungwoo felt genuine distress.

Apparently, he wasn’t the only one.

“Let’s get some bubble tea and remember it was just a fun challenge, hm? Not everything in life is about winning, in fact, most things are about the experience. And you had fun, didn’t you?” Taeil reached up to pat Jaehyun’s head. Jungwoo noticed a newly scratched spot in his nape. He really should be taking better care of it and not agitate it… but it was hard to get that through to a teenager.

“Okay. I did have fun. May I get Winter Melon?” Jaehyun softly asked.

“Of course, you can choose whatever you want.”

“I want Winter Melon.” Jaehyun nodded. Yuta pushed the money into his bag.

“I’ll have Black Milk Tea. With extra foam.” He licked his lips and pulled ahead of them.

“Are you going to come with us?” Taeil suddenly turned to Jungwoo, who had mentally already been preparing himself to march home _without_ getting himself some Marlboros from the convenience store.

He wasn’t even stressed, he just craved the nicotine because he had always had it.

“Me?”

“Yeah, sure!” Taeil laughed, “Or do you see another intern who was dragged here and lost money? I mean, don’t feel pressured, but I’d feel bad for suddenly sending you home.”

“Uh, I don’t want to come only because you’d feel bad. It’s fine, I…”

“No! Oh my god, I didn’t mean it like that!” Taeil’s eyes were wide and he had been speaking so forcefully with all his body, he poked his parasol right into Jungwoo’s forehead. Jungwoo stumbled backwards a step and closed his eyes on instinct, to avoid any possible damage to them.

A hand grabbed his arm and he was steadied. Immediately, warmth spread over his skin from where he was being touched. When he quickly blinked his eyes back open, embarrassment making him feel even warmer than he already had been, he realised that, of course, it was Taeil. His hands were almost impossibly soft and Jungwoo didn’t know what to do.

“I’m making such a fool of myself, I’m sorry Jungwoo, please just ignore this overall catastrophe I am. I’ll put this away.”

He let go of Jungwoo and closed the umbrella. When he looked up, his face was a little blushed and it was just so cute, Jungwoo didn’t know what to do with himself, how to handle this.

He was his boss.

He was a man.

Still, Jungwoo’s chest was tight and warm and his heart beating loudly in his ears.

“Please let me buy you a bubble tea for your efforts and because I enjoy your company.”

“Okay, sure,” Jungwoo nodded like he was remote-controlled. Of course, he wanted to get that bubble tea, but Taeil saying he enjoyed his company did funny things to his stomach.

“Hyung, uh, I think you’re bleeding,” Jaehyun suddenly announced, ripping Jungwoo back to reality from the spontaneous day-dream he had found himself in.

“What?” he did a quick overall check on his body, but nothing particularly hurt, except his forehead, where the parasol had poked him and…

“Oh my _god_!” Taeil squeaked and suddenly was right in front of him, pushing his hair from his forehead, “I’m _so_ sorry, Jungwoo, please don’t report me to K U for terrible intern-treatment! Sit down, I’ll take care of that!”

Jungwoo reached up to feel his forehead was a little wet and sticky. His fingers came back red. Taeil was already dragging him a few steps over, to a park bench.

Jaehyun sat down next to him right away, looking worried, and Yuta had realised no one else was coming and had returned, now climbing onto the backrest. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be the next patient in line, but he looked steady on the tiny surface.

Taeil opened his bag and Jungwoo wasn’t surprised when he pulled out a huge kit with medical supplies.

“I mean, I’m not an expert, but I think this is not how you get into people’s good graces, Hyung.” Yuta loudly announced while Taeil drenched a cotton wipe in his bottled water.

He looked up, but instead of the earlier embarrassment and downright panic, his face was set in concentration now.

Jungwoo swallowed.

“It’s fine, it can happen. The parasol was really useful, it was just at a bad height.”

“Does it hurt a lot? I can hold your hand if you want! The Hyungs do that for me sometimes!” Jaehyun offered.

Taeil was right in front of Jungwoo again, holding his hair back and carefully cleaning the skin from the blood.

“I’m sure it looks much more gruesome than it is. It doesn’t hurt.” Jungwoo assured not only Jaehyun but also Taeil – hopefully. It stung, sure, but pain? Not really.

“I can still hold your hand, though.” Jaehyun already had his on top of Jungwoo’s, very insistent that it was part of the process.

“Okay, sure, thank you,” Jungwoo turned his palm up and Jaehyun immediately grabbed it.

Taeil pulled back and picked up a foil-package, which he ripped open using his teeth, so he didn’t have to let go of Jungwoo’s hair.

He looked so hot.

Jungwoo tried to distract himself by staring at Taeil’s earlobe.

It looked a bit off. Like there was a hole, well, a piercing hole. Had Taeil had his ears pierced? Did he still wear anything in them?

Well, Jungwoo certainly had once more succeeded in trying to distract himself and ending up even more agitated.

“This might smart a bit, I only have alcohol wipes, no peroxide ones, sorry,” Taeil announced and Jungwoo took a deep breath, knowing this would probably be worse than the poke earlier had been.

He was right. It stung when Taeil wiped over the wound and he felt himself squeeze Jaehyun’s hand a little tighter and blink a few times to avoid embarrassing himself by getting teary-eyed.

He couldn’t do that. A man had to be able to handle a little bit of pain.

“Could you lean back a bit? We have to wait a moment for the blood to clump or you’ll look like you just fled ann assassination-attempt.”

Jungwoo chuckled at the idea and did as asked.

“My enemies should have hired a better sniper then.”

“It’s hard to find good personnel these days,” Taeil immediately jumped in on the lame joke and Jungwoo felt his grin grow so wide that his teeth showed.

“Should we get the bubble tea and bring it? That way Jungwoo-Hyung could feel better immediately!” Jaehyun suggested.

Taeil appeared in his field of vision, breaking the blue sky up.

“Would that be okay with you? I’ll absolutely have to pay now, to make up for my clumsiness! Just choose whatever you want, anything goes.”

Jungwoo was still smiling like a fool, but he couldn’t stop.

“Just Green Milk Tea,” Jungwoo’s favourite was Taro, but it was a ‘girls’ drink’ because it was sweet and purple.

“Okay! We’ll get that. The usual for you, Hyung?” Jaehyun asked. He had let go of Jungwoo’s hand and he could see him in his peripheral vision.

“Yeah, Taro size M, as usual.”

_[to: Babe] [sent: 6:35 pm]_

_See you tomorrow?_

_[from: Babe] [sent: 6:36 pm]_

_Oh, so now you write?_

_[to: Babe] [sent: 6:42 pm]_

_I was out all day, I told you._

_[from: Babe] [sent: 6:43 pm]_

_And you didn’t bring your phone? Haha_

_[to: Babe] [sent: 6:43 pm]_

_We need to talk. Tomorrow, 5 pm at yours? _

Jungwoo could hardly remember a Sunday on which he had risen before noon and without a pounding headache and nausea from the alcohol the night before.

Today was one for the calendars, then. He had woken up naturally at 8, sat down to write a part of his report for university, had done laundry, and even ironed his white clothes for the week.

Living with Joohyun had its perks, such as having an ironing board. With freshly pressed clothing, he was sure to look his absolute best.

Not like he was trying to impress anyone…

By 11, his roommate came from her room, eyes bloodshot and hair messy.

“Hey,” Jungwoo softly greeted and closed the book on vegetarian receipts Taeyong had lent him.

“Morning,” Joohyun grumbled, frowning and holding her eyes shut. Jungwoo got off the sofa and moved into the open kitchen where he took her elbow gently and led her to the armchair, making her sit down.

“Tea?”

“Yeah, please.”

Jungwoo smiled and went back, turning on the kettle and choosing Joohyun’s favourite hang-over blend.

It took her another 15 minutes and the whole cup to properly reach consciousness, but even then she was holding her head.

“Darling, I think you need an Aspirin, don’t you?” Jungwoo suggested, putting his book aside once more.

“Maybe. God, I don’t even know what happened last night. It’s all a blur. I definitely had too much. Like. Way too much.”

“It happens.” Jungwoo was already up and fetching the medicine, filling a glass with water to go along with it. He was glad it hadn’t happened to him, but he felt genuinely bad for her. He knew exactly how she felt, after all, he would usually be in the same condition right now.

“Yeah, but normally not to me. God, I feel miserable. Thanks, sweetie. Love ya.”

“Love you, too.” Jungwoo smiled and he meant it. 

“How was your day? Please just tell me something, your voice is so nice today.”

“It is, right? I stopped pitching it down.” Jungwoo was a little jittery admitting it. He had woken up and decided he would try it. He had talked to himself over breakfast to figure out where his comfort pitch used to be. How hard to find it had been, had shown him he had pretended for way too long.

In the end, he had figured it out by humming and softly singing under his breath and naturally letting his talking voice come out in between without thinking about it.

The urge to drop it had disappeared through holding monologues all morning and it was like he had slipped back into an old and comfortable shirt that sat exactly right, after wearing something two sizes too small for years.

It just felt right, it felt normal.

“Aw, sweetie, I love that!” Joohyun had a starstruck expression on for a moment, “But maybe don’t do it outside, you know, unless you’re out with the girls?” her tone became worried, full of hurt.

Jungwoo swallowed and his stomach clenched. He had hoped to not hear this, but, of course, Joohyun was right in warning him.

She had been the only one still there after high school, the only one who knew who he had been before he had been kicked from his parents’ house. She had seen him re-build himself from the ruins and that she’d be worried he might be on the path right back to that was only natural.

He wished she would be enthusiastic and support him, but this wasn’t a world where she’d be able to do so.

“I’ll have to see. But I really like it better like this.”

“I know, it’s so cute, too, but just remember that people might not be so… nice about it.” Joohyun had finished her water in record time and Jungwoo got up to get her more.

“Yeah, I know, but this isn’t high school anymore where the bullies will beat me up.”

The only sound filling the room was the water splashing into the glass.

Jungwoo stared at it, not daring to look back.

They didn’t normally talk about it.

It was a sore topic for both of them. It was easier to just ignore it.

“I… hope not. But there are other ways to hurt you, ways that might even endanger your future career. Most companies wouldn’t… want people like… us.” Joohyun took the glass and stared at the clear liquid inside.

Jungwoo sat down on the armrest of her chair instead of returning to the sofa.

“I don’t plan to go out and announce it all over the streets. I just want to… be me a bit more.”

Joohyun looked up. “Don’t we all? But the price to pay, would it really be worth it?”

Jungwoo thought back to Taeil’s smile and eyes, so full of understanding, to the Hybrids, who’d always want to hear his opinion even when he was too shy to give it, to Seulgi and Sooyoung, who worked with Yuta like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“I’d rather only have those around me that really care about me than have a hundred people who don’t really. It used to be different. But I realised that life is… pretty miserable.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Joohyun set down the glass and rubbed her eyes, “But in the end, it’s the only option if you want to survive.”

Jungwoo gently rubbed a hand over her back, drawing soothing circles onto it.

It felt fragile, this moment, Joohyun felt fragile, more than she ever had before.

They hadn’t normally addressed any of this but seeing how she opened up so easily, Jungwoo thought they had been missing this, should have been doing it for longer.

She leaned into his touch.

“Only surviving isn’t really living, is it?” Jungwoo whispered what conclusion he had come to.

“No. But we both know that’s how it is if your preferences are like this.” Joohyun’s voice was choked up. “There’s no family, no unconditional loyalty, not even those you thought would have your back will be there if it comes down to it.”

“Would you be there?”

“Jungwoo, I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I can.”

“Yeah, me neither. But I want to be better. I want to be there for you and I want to speak up when it’s necessary.”

“They’ll make your life hell!”

“They only can when I give them the power to. I will work on reclaiming it, so I can be happier and so I can be myself.”

Joohyun stared at him, eyes wide.

“If you do that, you’ll be alone sooner or later.” She finally whispered.

“I already feel alone most of the time. I want to get to the point where I can really respect myself and have true confidence in who I am. I want to get to where I’d rather not have someone but know I stood up for myself and for what I know is right than bend over backwards just to avoid having an argument.”

The silence between them was heavy, so full of fears and worries neither of them had overcome, maybe not even faced and just tried to forget about, which had let them thrive and grow to the point of seeming like they could come down crashing to end everything.

“Isn’t that exactly what you wanted to change?” Joohyung finally asked.

“No. What I wanted to change was being scared and lonely.”

“And how do you know it won’t be the same now?”

“Back then, I had already lost all respect for myself, the only way I knew how to fix things was by no longer being me.”

“How did that change?”

Yes, what had changed?

Everything had changed, hadn’t it? From his expectations in his future job, to his studies, to his understanding of society and, most importantly, who a person could be.

“Let’s say someone has more faith in me than I do and helped me see that I can be more.”

“Someone?”

Jungwoo hummed.

“Well, sweetie, please keep them forever then.”

“I want to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Casual [Taeil](https://66.media.tumblr.com/feb3961bf0292836a939b2fbf7165631/tumblr_pybgvpqoQe1v6bamko2_1280.jpg) for reference (with black hair tho) (I literally used this picture to write) (he’s so cute and handsome at the same time)
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many announcements. First of all, there’ll be more frequent updates from now on bc I’ve been making good progress writing – every 5 days instead of weekly, so the next chapter will come Tuesday ^^
> 
> Secondly, I would like to chip in that Joohyun and Jennie are also 92-liners (or 91/93, the deails don’t matter but they’re close in age) – I forgot to make that clear previously as I was so lost in my writing where everything made perfect sense but since the age gap between Taeil and Jungwoo is a topic of this fic, I absolutely want to set that straight ~
> 
> And finally, I also updated the tags once more AND I reworked Moon Diamond (I wanted to for a long time but I was scared to go back and cringe hard at my own work). I straightened out typos and grammas and I also tweaked Jungwoo’s characterisation just a bit bc there were some things I can’t make work and I want everything to fit together~

Jungwoo walked through Gangnam with his nose held shut. People probably thought he had lost it, so he kept his head down and hoped there weren’t too many noticing him. Usually, rush hour was so stressful that everything other than the straightest way to work was irrelevant. He wouldn’t really stick out, even if it felt like he was, which was why he even dared doing it.

Because he really needed it.

There were so many smokers, Jungwoo had never realised. Each and every cigarette both smelt like heaven and hell at the same time. An early death sentence with sweet relief for the moment that was oh so tempting.

Holding his nose shut helped, so here he was.

If he was fully honest, this type of withdrawal and downright longing for it showed him that he had been doing nothing but lie to himself in insisting he hadn’t been addicted – or rather still was.

It stung a bit to realise. It was okay, he’d rather realise and change it now than continue to live in lies – it applied to so many different parts of his life at the moment, one more or less wouldn’t break him!

Yesterday, he had read a few articles and blog posts with tips on how to cope, written by other former smokers. He had started today with 15 minutes of Yoga and it felt like he was already less hyper-focused on remembering that he was not smoking anymore. Well, not right now, obviously, but once he was inside and away from temptation and extrinsic reminders.

Yearning for his fix was one thing. The other thing was suddenly dealing with the problems and emotions that he had previously subdued with the help of the drug. It directly affected his resolution to allow himself to be, well, himself. On one hand, it gave him a kick-start, on the other, it was a really big kick-start, one that felt almost overwhelming.

He was only two days into finding the will to change, to really change, and the goals were still far away, most of what he wanted to achieve was still ahead. Suddenly dealing with everything nicotine withdrawal gave him on top was a lot.

But he would not give up quite as easily.

Regardless how small in the bigger picture, two important first steps had already been taken: realising where the problem lied and finding the will and determination to change. He reminded himself of already having been strong and brave enough to do that.

Maybe the cigarette-thing could even be considered change, too, but as long as Jungwoo still kept thinking how much he needed a smoke and how much he wanted it, he didn’t feel like he had accomplished anything yet.

Immediately following that, there already had been a step back.

He had visited his boyfriend last afternoon. He had expected to face another talk of that Jungwoo wasn’t taking enough time for him, which wasn’t even all too far off the truth, but nothing had happened. It had been weird and Jungwoo had been a little disappointed. He had planned to use the chance to clear everything up between them and get a clean end.

Instead, they had watched a horror movie. It had just been the standard excuse to have sex on the sofa.

He hadn’t denied his boyfriend.

After, he had known he should have. He had felt feeling like he had cheated on someone.

If he was being honest… he might have.

It wasn’t right to be with someone and pretend to like them romantically when all there was, was physical attraction. It wasn’t right to be with them when his thoughts went to another. It wasn’t right to have his chest feel warm and his heart thunder, and then leave the person responsible for that to sleep with another.

It was wrong in all ways he could think of, yet, he had still done it, so he deserved to feel awful about it now.

Jungwoo just didn’t know how to bring it up. He had never been the one to break up.

When it came down to it, he was still a coward. He hadn’t been able to follow through with his plans and with what would have been right. He had given himself an excuse, had told himself it was just a need to take care of.

He was still a bad person. But he wanted to change.

He reached the high rise with the office’s plate on it. He was determined to do it today. He had already told his boyfriend he’d come after work. He knew he’d be in the right mindset after being here all day. With his goals and new perspective freshly in his head, he’d hopefully find the courage to seek the confrontation he usually hated so much.

“Good morning!” Sooyoung waved from behind the reception desk and Jungwoo easily smiled.

“Hi.”

“Today’s the big day, that I finally get the intern!” she laughed and Jungwoo paused by her desk instead of going straight to the back.

“It is?”

“Yes, Taeil-sshi said he wanted me to show you the basics and, well, he’s going to tell you himself, but he wants to ask you if you could fill in a Saturday. Don’t worry, he only works until noon, he’s just here for emergencies and we don’t have that many patients. Especially in summer, you have nothing to fear. Much.” She laughed again, how she did usually, always spreading good mood to everyone in the office.

He knew she didn’t mean to scare him off and was just joking, however, it would have been easy to take it that way had he allowed himself to – so, he didn’t.

While working Saturday had sounded like the second worst thing ever just a few weeks ago, he was almost vibrating in excitement that Taeil would want him to help now.

Taeil’s words were never empty or half-lie-half-truth. He said he was glad to have Jungwoo, which meant he actually was. He had confidence in his abilities and he showed that confidence by giving him more and more responsibility.

“Great! I’m really excited to learn more! Do I need anything?”

“No, no, I really hope you don’t expect too much now, I’m not working miracles here. It’s a really simple job.”

“I wouldn’t call it…”

“Aw, you’re so sweet! But don’t bother making me feel better, I’m not bitter. I didn’t go to college and I didn’t get a proper education, I’m just being realistic here. Let’s not make it something it’s not, that’s not helping anyone either.” She beamed and swirled in her chair. Jungwoo felt a bit perplex.

He decided to shrug it off. Education or not, he wasn’t going to be an ass and would listen well to what she had to teach him. At the very least, the experience was definitely something he was leagues behind in.

Taeil wasn’t there yet, which was to be expected, but Yuta was on the desk, dangling his legs and jumped up when Jungwoo entered.

“I have a present!”

“A present?” Jungwoo’s eyes widened and Yuta furrowed his brows and leaned closer, sniffing. Jungwoo froze, unsure what was happening. He had brushed his teeth, thoroughly at that. He had had no cavities yet and he was planning to keep it that way. He also showered daily, so that couldn’t be it, right?

“Oh!” Yuta’s face lit up how Jungwoo, despite the beagle’s constant good mood, had not seen it do before, “You quit! Awesome! Really, the cold smoke always gives me a bit of a bad feeling, you know? Too much negative connotation.” Jungwoo was baffled that Yuta would be able to smell it this well on him, but Hybrids had much better senses than humans. Doyoung had known, as well. It made sense so had Yuta.

From how the cigarettes outside only now suddenly were offensively gross, Jungwoo guessed he might have been fully desensitised to it before and thus hadn’t noticed if it had lingered anywhere.

Wait.

Did that mean Taeil also knew?

He had been so sure just skipping his morning smoke would be enough – he wasn’t so sure about that anymore.

Shame rose in his chest. He knew it was a bad habit, he had known for longer which was why he had tried to hide it. Now, even more, he didn’t want Taeil to know how immaturely he had followed his peers, done what they did just to fit in. Taeil and he didn’t have that much of an age difference, but Jungwoo felt like it might as well be 20 years from how much more of an adult Taeil already was.

“Even more reason for gifts then.” Without warning, Yuta hooked his arm into Jungwoo’s and pressed against his side, “I’ll be fully honest, I spent like there was no tomorrow on Sunday, but I did become rich overnight from nothing but my incredible analytical and nautic knowledge, so.” Yuta announced, like the win had been enough to buy a mansion and Maserati.

“You really didn’t have to buy a present for me, though. I didn’t do anything.”

“No, no, I wanted to. I got something for everyone, even Peter Rabbit.” Yuta pulled a small bag from his, usually empty, locker.

Jungwoo carefully accepted it and peeked inside.

It was a small plushy charm. Jungwoo pulled it out and found it to be the Cony character from Line friends – a white bunny. It was adorable, but there was a possible deeper meaning behind her character that made Jungwoo feel cold dread spread in his chest and he had to force himself to not pitch his voice down.

“Thank you! Did you give me the girlfriend on purpose?”

“The girlfriend? Whose girlfriend? I didn’t even know she was a girl,” Yuta furrowed his brows in honest confusion.

“Uh, yeah, she’s Brown’s girlfriend according to Line Corp,” Jungwoo could swallow down the uneasiness. Of course, Yuta hadn’t meant it that way.

Thankfully!

“Oh, well, in that case, you have a couple-charm with Taeil-Hyung now. Whoops. You still like it, right?” Yuta looked a bit insecure as if his gift was anything short of wonderful and kind.

“Yes! Yes, very much! Thank you, again!” Jungwoo wasn’t sure how to feel over having a couple-charm unintentionally, but he might just never remove this from his keys ever again if he could at least pretend he was an actual couple by using it.

God, this was pathetic.

“Good.” Yuta’s tail wagged a little, “Did you hear you were going to be helping Sooyoung-Noona today? I tried to save you but Taeil-Hyung said it was helpful to understand how everything works. I’ll be honest, I really don’t like doing reception duty. Too many nasty humans.” Yuta frowned and shivered.

“Well, I agree with him. I’m really curious to learn more. I hope I can handle the humans.”

“Nerd.” Jungwoo would have gone back to crisis if Yuta didn’t have his arm around his shoulders and grinned at him. He suddenly wondered if Yuta would have done this earlier and the scent of smoke had been keeping him away.

He had called it negative connotations. Jungwoo knew Doyoung and Jaehyun were with Taeil due to their conditions and Taeyong had been a stray prior to coming. He didn’t know anything about Yuta.

All the different things humans kept Hybrids for came to mind. With his new insight, there were plenty among them that were bordering on abuse, some, objectively speaking, were even impossible to call anything but.

Jungwoo didn’t want to assume. Maybe, he’d find out one day, maybe not.

In any case, it just confirmed he was doing the right thing in getting away from his addiction.

“I’ll put this on my keys,” Jungwoo announced, dangling the rabbit charm.

“Oh yes!” Yuta sounded elated and Jungwoo expected him to let go, but he didn’t.

He took a step forward and Yuta followed, betting his chin on Jungwoo’s shoulder.

Well.

He couldn’t say he minded.

Quite the opposite actually.

He wobbled over to his locker and pulled out his keys, fastening the new charm onto them. There was nothing else it’d clash with. Having charms on keys was girly, Jungwoo hadn’t dared to do it.

With how cute they looked, he easily silenced the voice that kept panicking over people seeing.

“Morning.” Jungwoo turned to see Taeil stumble through the door, a big binder in hand that said “Tax 2011”, which fell onto the desk heavily.

“So, I wondered if it’d be okay for you to have Sooyoung show you her work?”

“Hyung, you’re so late, both she and I already got it all sorted out for you,” Yuta teased and Taeil seemed to realise Yuta was still half hugging Jungwoo, his eyes jumping back and forth between them for a moment.

“I’m excited to learn more!” Jungwoo smiled, speaking exactly what he felt.

“Yeah? Oh, good! So, I was wondering if you were free on Saturday morning? Eight to twelve? You obviously get half a day off any other day of your choice. I’d love to have your support because Seulgi asked to get leave.”

“As it just happens, I do,” Jungwoo felt his heart light in his chest. Taeil would love to have his support…

“Great, uh, Jungwoo, do you have a cold, sore throat? Your voice sounds different, do you want me to check? It’s not ideal to have the medical professionals passing down germs to patients.”

Jungwoo’s heart plummeted like it had turned to stone.

“N-no,” what was he supposed to answer, what had he planned to say? He had thought about this, why was his mind suddenly blank, now that Taeil was looking at him with concern? Did he think it sounded bad? Girly? Freakish? “It-it’s normally like this.”

Taeil narrowed his eyes, lost in thought and probably trying to remember if Jungwoo had sounded like this on Saturday – which he hadn’t.

“I, uh, often talk in a deeper pitch. Yeah. But it’s normally this tone.”

“What? Why?” Taeil looked genuinely baffled, “It sounds really lovely like this, it’s so soothing and gentle. Don’t change it!” Jungwoo’s face immediately started burning.

“Uh, Hyung, smooth as butter.” Yuta chimed in and Jungwoo was eternally grateful he did because he had no idea what to do, what to say, how to not make an utter fool of himself.

Only, Yuta didn’t offer an easy solution, how he had foolishly expected. “Flirting with the intern, huh? Did sharing the parasol spark a flame or something?”

Taeil now slowly turned a shade of pink as well and Jungwoo wished he didn’t actually have a crush on Taeil and could just be disgusted by the sheer mention of homosexuality, like some bigoted conservative. 

“Of course not, Yuta!” Taeil squeaked, there was no other word to describe it, “I’m so sorry, Jungwoo, was that inappropriate? Oh god, pretend I never said anything.”

“It’s fine. I’ll… I’ll go and let Sooyoung give me a rundown of what I’m supposed to do. Yeah. See you… later.”

With that, Jungwoo freed himself from Yuta and all but ran from the room.

His face was almost radiating heat and his heart was thundering in his chest. The words echoed in his head and he almost ran into the door instead of opening it, but managed to grand himself access to the front, where there was no handsome doctor and not cheeky Hybrids anywhere to be seen.

Of course, Yuta had just teased his owner. Of course, he just meant it was a joke.

He couldn’t know how close to home it hit, how much it freaked Jungwoo out to hear those words.

Getting work to distract himself had never been as relieving.

Sooyoung had been right. Those things that Jungwoo was allowed to do weren’t rocket science. Her job was demanding in other ways. The main stressor was just people complaining. Entitled and rude people complaining.

Jungwoo guessed it had to the with the clientele. Whoever could afford a Hybrid, would often receive VIP treatment elsewhere.

Her words from the first day echoed in Jungwoo’s head when a middle-aged owner came to the desk and demanded to see the doctor right this moment. Never mind he had only been waiting for 15 minutes and came in without an appointment. He didn’t take well to Sooyoung saying she wasn’t Doctor Strange and able to warp time for him.

Jungwoo found himself shrinking away from the loud voice and the more than unpleasant choice of words. It all sat wrong with him.

Sooyoung seemed not intimidated the slightest. She didn’t even get out of her chair nor raised her voice as she slapped the man’s arguments right back at him.

He tried to take notice. It was the type of effortless confidence he wished to attain for himself. He knew attitude was important in reaching your goals. Fake it till you make it was a thing, so copying behaviour he found desirable didn’t seem too bad an idea in his head.

Other than that, the morning was quiet. Sooyoung explained some of her daily routines he wouldn’t have to deal with if he was just covering a Saturday. They even digressed and she told him about her current boyfriend and that they had plans to adopt a dog from a shelter.

Jungwoo asked why not a Hybrid, since it made sense, but Sooyoung laughed and said if he’d negotiate her wage with Taeil and take the emotional burden that would be on her, they could make it work.

Her words let Jungwoo think back to those small issues he had started to notice more and more of, that each Hybrid here seemed to have. Of course, Taeil was the one shouldering a lot of that. He didn’t see much of it, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t still happening.

By the time Jungwoo returned to the back, he tried hard to behave as if nothing had happened earlier.

Taeil might not be against homosexuals, but he definitely hadn’t meant it like that, not right in front of people and during broad day.

Jungwoo shouldn’t get his hopes up for no reason at all. That would be stupid. He was just Kim Jungwoo, the intern, while Taeil was his boss. He shouldn’t forget, no matter how gorgeous and sweet he might be.

“Jungwoo-Hyung, do you like quinoa? Doie found it at the store, it’s vegan!” Taeyong poked his head into the entrance hall and Jungwoo got only mildly startled.

“I guess? I’m not picky.”

“Okay, good. I mean, I haven’t used it today but I want to! So there’s more variety!” Taeyong beamed and disappeared.

“Jungwoo?” he was about to follow into the living room, but Taeil’s voice held him back, so, he turned to see what he had to say. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

Jungwoo felt his face heat up. He honestly would have preferred to sweep it under the rug, never to be talked about again, but it somehow fit that Taeil wouldn’t be the type to leave things unresolved. He talked openly about everything, so, of course, he would talk about this and admit where he would feel like he had made a mistake. Or overstepped.

Jungwoo couldn’t exactly say that he didn’t mind at all. There was a professional border that they had to respect and, more importantly, he didn’t want to be wrongly encouraged in something he was so desperate for.

This was his boss, after all. This was a man.

But Taeil hadn’t meant it like that, he had just spoken without realising the implication. Jungwoo couldn’t hold a grudge because of something so minor.

“It’s okay, it was just a misunderstanding.”

“No, I didn’t want to overstep. I’m your teacher, I really am in no position to… yeah just… it came out wrong. I mean. Yeah.” He scratched his head awkwardly and Jungwoo couldn’t help thinking how cute it was that Taeil, despite being on top of things most of the time, got awkward so easily.

“Really, we got it all sorted out, don’t worry.” Jungwoo was going to happily let Taeil’s words replay in his head until the end of times – probably – but he hoped there wouldn’t be more material to fuel these dreams.

It was so easy to hope…

“Okay. Good. Good, yeah. Still, I… I’m really glad to hear you feel comfortable enough to be yourself. And your voice actually is really nice, uh, yeah. Let’s just pretend I said this professionally and non-creepily.” Taeil rubbed his face and Jungwoo felt his heart swell in his chest.

“It felt non-creepy. And thank you.”

“Are you coming?” Yuta’s yell echoed through the flat and Taeil immediately turned and hurried towards where food had probably been served.

It wasn’t until the break was almost over, when Jungwoo was filling up his water bottle for the afternoon, that Doyoung found him.

“So.”

Jungwoo looked up from the dispenser.

“So?” he was suddenly nervous again. He had always been an anxious person, but without anything to numb it, he was really experiencing the full force of it now.

“You quit? For real?”

“I hope so.”

Doyoung wrinkled his nose.

“Good. Well. Have fun with Yuta now using you as his newest pillow.” And with that, he turned and Jungwoo wondered if this was what was listed as ‘nice’ behaviour.

He couldn’t hold a small grin.

Anam was almost a polar opposite of Gangnam. Older, with smaller houses and less glass fronts, but with more charm and character. Jungwoo had appreciated the view on the countless small restaurants and goshiwons, giving a large number of the students living here a home.

He had had no reason to. No reason other than trying to waste time, push up his responsibility like a coward.

The house his boyfriend lived in was a bit bigger, but also more run down. The name next to the bell was peeling. It had been looking like it’d start to do so for a while. Now, the nametag’s time had run out just like Jungwoo’s had.

He tried to make it stick to the metal plate again, but once he pulled back, it flopped right back down.

It was really the perfect reflection of his relationship.

He took a deep breath, but his fingers were trembling.

He wanted to get it over with.

Jungwoo’s hand went to his back pocket, but it was empty and he cursed himself for even trying.

A smoke would help him so much right now.

Maybe one last?

Just to soothe this nervousness making him feel like he was going to throw up?

No!

No, he had had Yuta cuddling up to him all day without even being asked to. Jungwoo had been dizzy in happiness. He reminded himself of the feeling, recalled it to overpower the addiction trying to fool him into bad decisions. It was up to Jungwoo to keep this. If he smelt of cold smoke, Yuta would be reminded of something bad and not get closer.

Worse.

Yuta would be reminded in the first place.

Jungwoo no possible momentary relief would justify making Yuta feel uncomfortable and giving up that happiness cuddling had given him.

It was hard, but he was going to make these changes and he wanted to make these changes. Jungwoo remembered Taeil calling his voice nice and his chest immediately felt warm.

He couldn’t keep dating this person when just the memory of Taeil made him feel like this. It was unfair towards his boyfriend, towards himself, and, in a way, towards Taeil.

He moved his finger to the side, letting it hover over the button of the bell.

There might be yelling. His boyfriend had yelled at him before and Jungwoo felt the hair on his arms stick on end remembering it. He hated being yelled at. He would do anything to avoid it.

One last time, he’d have to go through it. He’d not backtrack and say yes to any demand when he knew he wasn’t going to actually meet it.

He was the one who had brought himself into the situation he was currently at – he was going to be a responsible adult and solve it!

If it was going to be hard, so be it.

Comfort zones were a nice place to be, but nothing ever grew there. Jungwoo wanted to grow, he wanted to become a person that maturely handled the situations he brought himself into and do the right thing, he wanted to not betray people just so he could slip past possible conflict.

Breaking up with the person he felt too little for while feeling too much for another, was the only right thing to do right now.

Jungwoo pushed the button down. Immediately, hot and cold ran down his back, making his entire body start to tremble.

Maybe, he shouldn’t. Maybe, he could send a text?

No, he wasn’t going to be that much of a coward anymore. He wanted a clean end. A text wasn’t going to give him that.

The door buzzed and he hurried to push it open. The scent of weed was thick in the staircase and Jungwoo wrinkled his nose in disgust. If the cops came by, there was no evading serious punishment. It was stupid, reckless, to do this.

He hoped the people involved weren’t like him, only doing it to fit in.

He ascended the stairs and the scent got fainter the higher up he got.

“Hyung!” the happy voice of his boyfriend ripped him from his musings over illegal drugs. Oh no, he smiled so brightly and looked so cute…

How could Jungwoo do this to him?

“Hi,” his own smile felt stiff and wrong.

“Oh, you look so handsome in white, like a finished doctor. Only the coat is missing!”

Taeil never wore a coat, but he remembered at Seoul National, the staff had worn them. At Seoul National, the doctors had also thought themselves to be some sort of god sent idols when, for Taeil, it was all a matter of course.

Jungwoo caught himself thinking about Taeil again when he should be focussing on his boyfriend this one last time. Not even that, he could do.

There really was nothing left to stay for. For neither of them – just his boyfriend didn’t know yet.

“I’m really still so far away from being one, I don’t even have to think about coats yet,” He let the other grab his wrist and pull him inside.

Once the door was closed, he pushed himself up to stand on his tiptoes and kiss Jungwoo, how they usually did.

It was just a kiss, they had kissed plenty before, they had slept with each other so many times, there was nothing wrong about it, right?

Only, his boyfriend hadn’t even taken notice of his pitch-change and he had much less complimented it, and he didn’t blush cutely when just called out for unintentionally flirting and…

“Babe, wait.” Jungwoo brought his palm up to cover his lips.

The other pulled away, face confused.

“What? Why? What’s wrong?”

“We… need to talk.” Jungwoo’s voice was soft and every word was hard to say, especially when he saw the confusion morph into annoyance.

No, he had to do this, he couldn’t back down.

Taeil had addressed the awkward situation earlier. Jungwoo would take a page from his book and follow through with something uncomfortable he wanted to do, knew he had to do. He wanted to have the confidence in himself and the respect for both himself and his boyfriend to do the right thing – even if it was hard.

It was a step in the right direction.

“What? You? _You_ have complaints? _I_ have complaints! I was so generous and let you off the hook yesterday. I even sucked your dick because you like that! Is that the thanks I get?”

“Babe, you didn’t have to, I…”

“Yes, I did. That’s how it works, you forgive each other and move on. Whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it, I already accepted your whole day of “business trip” and ignoring me, you can take whatever minor inconvenience there is in turn.”

“That’s not how a relationship is supposed to work, you...” Jungwoo still couldn’t raise his voice, he just hated to, but his boyfriend easily talked over him, drowning him out.

“And how would you know, you hardly ever go on dates with me? You have this and that, and then you go out to party but I can’t come because you’re not out and then, when I could come, you don’t invite me. I already sacrifice so much for you, you have no room to complain!”

“Yeah, I know, that’s pretty asshole behaviour. I’m sorry.”

His boyfriend furrowed his brows and the next sentence got stuck in his throat. Jungwoo used the moment of silence to say what he wanted to without interruption:

“Listen, babe, I don’t think we’re on the same page regarding our relationship and what it entails, actually, I think we’re not on the same page regarding most things other than both being physically attracted to each other.”

“Well because you never make an effort to be!”

“You don’t make me want to,” Jungwoo returned, slowly growing agitated from being blamed for everything. He immediately regretted being so mean but he wasn’t given the chance to correct himself

“I? Now _I’m_ the one at fault? What have I ever done that wasn’t bending over backwards to accommodate you and your lifestyle?”

“And what is my lifestyle?” Jungwoo realised his voice was shaky and choked up and he tried to swallow past that. No crying, it wasn’t manly!

“Partying! That’s all you care about!” It was a jab and Jungwoo thought for a moment, yes, that was true. That was all there was to him because he was so desperately trying to fit in.

But it wasn’t. It hadn’t even been last week when he had still thought he’d be spending the weekend wasted in dark clubs. It hadn’t even been last month when he had still thought Hybrids were just pets.

“What about my internship, don’t I care about that and the people there? My music preferences? My…” Jungwoo felt like, while he was at fault, he was getting blamed for things that he had not done but would have – given the chance to talk. Which was the issue: his boyfriend wouldn’t really know, they never talked because it always ended in him holding monologues, just how he was right now by cutting him off.

“Your music taste is so bad, though, babe. And I’m sorry but listening to stories about sick Hybrids makes me feel sick in turn. We can talk about it if you have some nicer stories if you want?”

“I’m training to be a doctor, of course, there’ll be sick Hybrids, why else would people come?” The words of calling Jaehyun gruesome echoed in his head and his heart clenched. Jaehyun was such a sweetheart and so self-conscious already, he couldn’t bear listening to such words knowing Jaehyun might hear them and cry about them.

“Well, then tell me something else.”

“No. I want to talk about diseases and treatments and…”

“Then do it with…”

“Can you let me finish?” Jungwoo interrupted, fed up with being trampled over, “See the issue? You don’t want to listen so I don’t want to talk.”

“You know what? Fine! Be an asshole!”

“If you want to think of me like that, do it. But let’s end this.”

There were tears in his boyfriend’s eyes and Jungwoo felt guilt eat him up. He knew it was the right thing to do – but it still hurt.

“I think that might be for the better.” The other softly admitted.

“I’m sorry for treating you wrong. I’m sorry for being an asshole.”

“I’m not forgiving you. Get out!” a sniff ripped through the room and Jungwoo shuffled over to the door. He wanted to go back and beg for forgiveness. He didn’t want anyone to think badly of him.

He didn’t.

Because he also couldn’t forgive his ex-boyfriend for the things he had said, for how he had just handled the conversation. But Jungwoo hadn’t even gotten an apology.

Maybe, his own wrong-doings weighted heavier.

He’d have to accept this. He had been the one in control, he was the one responsible for his actions. If they were unforgivable, then that was what he deserved. He would have to go ahead and not repeat these mistakes again.

The lock clicked into place and Jungwoo slowly wandered down the stairs. His knees were a little wobbly and he had to clunch onto the handrail to make sure he wasn’t going to just stumble and fall.

He had done it.

He felt awful.

Tears were stinging in his eyes and something seemed to constrict his throat. Guilt over his past behaviour overshadowed the relief of knowing this had been the right thing to do.

The scent of weed was still pestering the air when he left, and the street outside was loud and overwhelming. Everything seemed to turn into a blurry mess until he realised it was the tears in his eyes that were responsible for that.

He reached for his back pocket but noticed his mistake before even touching the fabric. He changed direction and went for his bag to pull out his keys.

He stared at the key charm, a small white bunny with a round nose, rosy cheeks, and her face set in a permanent smile.

No momentary relief would make up for losing this.

Jungwoo forced himself to walk down the street to go home, but the tears were still in his eyes when he got there.

The moment the door was closed behind him, he couldn’t hold them anymore.

He had stopped smoking to numb this. He needed some other way to deal with his emotions. Apparently, that meant crying.

It was unmanly and embarrassing, but he knew he’d feel better if he didn’t fight it.

He knew crying was better than returning to something that’d slowly kill him, something that reminded Yuta of a bad past, and made Doyoung remember how unfairly the world treated his kind by denying them care and opportunities.

“Sweetie, hey,” Jungwoo looked up from where his face had been buried in a pillow. The room was dark but he hadn’t bothered turning on the lights. Now, they suddenly lit up and he had to close his eyes from how blindingly bright they were. “Oh goddness, you look a mess! How long have you been here?” Joohyun gasped and hurried over to where Jungwoo was in a pile on the sofa.

“Dunno. What time is it?”

“Nine.”

“Then four hours.”

“Four? Oh sweetie, time for some tea!”

Jungwoo scrambled up to sit and nodded while Joohyun went into the kitchen and soon, the sound of the kettle filled the silence. It was soothing. He wasn’t alone. Joohyun was there, even if he behaved ‘girly’. She cared for him.

The water softly splashed in the cup and the scent of her herb blend filled the room right away.

“Want to talk?” Joohyun carefully asked when putting down the tea in front of him, “I worry, sweetie, my heart breaks for you when you look like yours did.”

Jungwoo shook his head but realised he hadn’t cried in years and now twice in a row, and, in a way, his heart was broken a little. The relationship hadn’t meant much, but it had meant something.

“I broke up with my boyfriend.”

“Oh.” Joohyun sounded surprised, “You or…?”

“No, I did.” Jungwoo sniffed and took the tea. “I told you, I wanted to change. I want to change. I quit smoking, too. And now, I, apparently, cry instead.” He sniffed again and a tear landed in the tea.

“Oh, sweetie, that’s okay. I was getting a bit concerned over you cigarette consumption lately. You can cry all you want with me.”

With her, but not with anyone else. Jungwoo knew that. But he had her, he could cry with her, and that’d be enough.

“What about your boyfriend?”

“Didn’t you always call him boy toy? Let’s face it, that was a better descriptor. That’s why I did it.”

“Okay. Wow. That’s… a lot.” Joohyun rubbed his arm and Jungwoo took a careful sip.

“I feel better now.”

“Good. That must mean it was the right thing to do. I’m proud of you. Just… make sure you don’t get hurt, okay?”

“Okay. I will. You, too.”

“I have Jennie.” Joohyun smiled, and Jungwoo knew she didn’t just say that.

“She’ll be glad to hear I finally realised she has been right all along.”

“She probably will.” Joohyun chuckled, “I had a professor trying to embarrass me in front of the whole class today.” She sighed and sunk against Jungwoo’s side, who supported her weight effortlessly. Joohyun was adorable 1.55m small, more than a whole head shorter than him, so even someone just as moderately fit as Jungwoo had no trouble being her pillar to lean on.

That she’d open up about her own worries before letting the silence become awkward meant more to Jungwoo than he could put into words.

So he didn’t, and just paid her problems the attention they deserved.

“He didn’t succeed, right?” he softly asked back.

Joohyun had her own way to mask her real personality, but where Jungwoo put on a rough and tough front, she put on a sweet and cute one.

One trying to fit the stereotype of masculinity, one trying to fit that of femininity.

“I was so pissed, I might have slipped a little. He asked to correctly wire an electric engine we hadn’t worked with before and said if I messed up, it was going to make the thing blow up and he’d have me ex-matriculated.”

“What an ass, he can’t do that, that’s plain neglect. Imagine if anyone actually would have gotten hurt?” Jungwoo snorted. Even if it weren’t just common sense, medicine students had lab, too. He knew this for sure. There were certain rules in place to protect the students, the professors, the TAs, and the property.

Of course, there’d always be this one person thinking rules didn’t apply for them.

“I know. There’s no way that was actually true, nevermind most things don’t just blow up. He’s the same that keeps making comments on how women are misplaced in electrical engineering and wouldn’t have the brain to keep up anyway. I hate him so much, so, I wired it under his condescending comments and then turned to say if he thought himself above the examination regulations or if he just had a natural superiority complex to go with his misogyny.” Joohyun groaned.

Jungwoo put his tea aside and wrapped his arm around her. He didn’t pull her tight, just carefully put it over her shoulders. He didn’t know what was too much, but he always felt better with physical affection.

“You did the right thing. That type of person needs someone to put them into their place. Imagine how many women he must have already made life hell for before.”

“Yeah, I don’t really regret it, but you know how men are. They want girls that quietly sit on the side and look pretty. Anyone who doesn’t match that will get called out constantly. Unless you’re a tomboy and they somehow accept you as their own but still all want to bang you. I just know I’m the bitch again now.”

“Well, do you want them to want to bang you?” Jungwoo carefully asked, feeling his heart heavy with Joohyun’s words.

He understood so, so well how scary it was.

“Ew,” Joohyun poked his waist.

“Well, see? You don’t have to care about what their monkey brains come up with then. Everyone who knows you, knows you’re the sweetest and most caring person.”

“Thanks, sweetie.” Joohyun had snaked her arm around his waist and squeezed it a little, “I like this. Why didn’t we do it before?”

“I was too focussed on being a manly man without emotions.”

“I should have been there for you and tell you how absolutely toxic that is, too.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t give you the chance to be. Even if, I don’t even know if I’d been ready to listen yet.”

“Hm… Remember to not fuck your boss, even though you’re single now?”

“I am! Believe me, I am!”

Because it was already far past only the sexual attraction he felt when he looked at Taeil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	10. Chapter 10

Jungwoo groaned when he looked into the mirror the next morning and his eyes were swollen and blood-shot.

Four hours of crying on the sofa weren’t even nullified with three ice packs, it would seem.

For a second, he considered calling in sick.

Then, he remembered all the things on the schedule today. Young bunny Hybrids would come for a check-up. There was another case of a diabetes diagnosis with an owner not wanting to give up.

He couldn’t miss that, even though no one would believe him if he said he had allergies. Not in a medical office.

He borrowed one of the spoons Joohyun kept in the freezer for situations like this and pressed it under his eyes until he had to leave. It hardly made a difference.

Sooyoung took one look at him and got him another ice pack from the freezer behind her and Jungwoo guessed he must really look like a mess.

“Want to talk to the nosy receptionist about it?” she smiled not unkindly and Jungwoo might as well.

“I broke up with my girlfriend.”

“Aw, no! Can I make it better? I could bad-talk her for you?”

Jungwoo couldn’t stop himself from chuckling over her immediate support.

“She doesn’t deserve that. I was at fault for the relationship failing.”

“So mature and grown-up.” Sooyoung laughed and Jungwoo suddenly felt his face warm up, “I remember being petty for weeks after every break-up, especially when I was younger and the college boys always dumped me when it became time to introduce me to the family, which I wasn’t good enough for. It’s okay to be a bit resentful towards your ex.”

Jungwoo nodded.

It’d be a lie to say, now, that he had had some time to get to terms with it, he wasn’t, but it was over. He shouldn’t dwell on it anymore.

At least, no one else commented. Jungwoo kept his head down during the day whenever he could. It seemed like Sooyoung had spread the word, which he couldn’t really blame her for, on the contrary, it was a relief to not have to tell everyone.

The nicest part about it had to be Jaehyun wordlessly pulling him to the sofa after lunch, curling up against him and letting Jungwoo stroke through his hair and over his soft ears until life seemed not as bad anymore.

When he walked from Anam metro station to his flat and some people gave him weirded-out looks, Jungwoo realised that it wouldn’t be like this forever.

In two months, he’d have to go back to university.

In two months, the meet-ups, he was now avoiding with poor excuses, would be mandatory again – or he’d be alone.

In two months, the world would be cruel and ugly again.

The gates of campus looked daunting when Jungwoo stood in front of them on the first of September, his bag feeling like he had brought rocks to school instead of his notepad and pencils.

It was ridiculous. Jungwoo had gone to this university for over a year already, there was no reason to feel nervous like a first-year.

He still was. He was so nervous he felt sick.

This Jungwoo, he was working on becoming, hadn’t gone to this school. For this Jungwoo, it was the first day. To make matters worse, this Jungwoo had no way to numb his emotions because he had told himself to put his health first and appreciate it, rather than take it for granted, in lights of others not getting this treatment he did. This Jungwoo wanted to handle his emotions maturely.

The cold smoke rising into his nose let his mind wander and his hand go to his back pocket – but there was nothing there. There hadn’t in months and it had become easier.

Yet, he wished he could just… quickly, help himself, soothe the nervousness.

He shouldn’t.

He was overcoming this, he was no longer trying to mask everything.

He could do this. He had had months to heal himself, to cement this new view on life he had found at Heaven.

What if someone said something nasty, though?

What about the lessons telling him so many wrong things about Hybrids?

Jungwoo still didn’t know how to deal with that, there was no concept he could follow, no rules to obey. He had to figure it out for himself – but it was still hard and it was scary.

The door to the department weighted heavier than it used to in his hand, and Jungwoo nearly stumbled when he didn’t use enough strength to open it upon the first try. He managed to overplay it. It might be a small thing, but it could be a point to pick on.

He liked to believe he had gotten better, but he was still a coward in many ways.

There were students all over the hallways, some in groups, taking before classes, some walking straight to the rooms they needed to be at, like him.

“Hey, Jungwoo, thought you had died at your place!” A hard slap came down on his shoulder and he startled. “Seriously! You’re usually the first in line to party!”

Jungwoo swallowed, panic rising in his chest. He had prepared himself for these questions, the simple ones. It had been predictable someone would ask, after all, he hadn’t shown his face around for two months.

Nothing could have prepared him for how his heart was in his throat now.

He knew, rationally, he wanted to stand up for himself, no longer pretend and lie.

Putting it into action, here, where people would judge him, where people wouldn’t understand, where people also wore their own façades, was infinitely harder than doing it with Joohyun, with Jennie, with Taeil, with anyone back in the Gangnam office.

He pushed his hand into his pocket and felt the key charm, soft and small under his fingers. He could do it. He no longer needed to hurt himself, he had people out there to count on. He could cut out those that disrespected what he stood for and rode the roughshod over others if he needed to. He would drop the parts of the mask that made him miserable. He just had to believe in himself, “Yeah, I didn’t really feel like it. My work was demanding and interesting. I rather spent the weekend doing daytime activities and meeting my co-workers.”

“Wow, that sucks. I had a pretty chill time, learnt a ton. God, I really want to have my own place right out of here, just work my own style and make some easy money. I was so jealous of my boss. If only it weren’t so expensive to start off.”

It was an arrogant statement, full of ignorance and clearly motivated by greed, not by the wish to contribute to bettering a situation but to exploit it.

Jungwoo wanted to just nod and sit down, ignoring it.

He remembered Yuta and Jaehyun and Taeyong and Doyoung. He couldn’t. He couldn’t ignore it for their sake, for the sake of all the Hybrids like them, that’d experience terrible and too little treatment from the hands of people like this.

“I don’t know. There’s still so much more to learn, I wouldn’t feel comfortable on my own.” Jungwoo didn’t downright call him out, he didn’t feel the courage to do that, but he had at least disagreed. It was good for now.

“Dude, there’s not even that much. Anyway, after residency, I’ll be pretty much good to go.”

Jungwoo opened the door to the classroom. He could smell the smoke on the other guy. He had never before been able to do that – probably because he had always smelt of it as well and thus learnt to ignore it.

He could let it go. He had done something.

But not much.

Not enough.

“Are you, though? What about more elaborate treatments?”

“Dude, chill, it’s really not that hard. Did you spend too much time with your girlfriend? You’re bitchy like one of them and you sound like one, too.” The guy chuckled and Jungwoo felt his stomach clench.

Not this.

He forced himself to remember Taeil’s sweet words about his voice, his blushed face and apology for making it awkward, and his reminder that he really liked it.

He remembered how there had been an inconsolable puppy, who had broken his arm and had been terrified and in pain, and how both Yuta and Taeil had failed to get through to him, hadn’t been able to coax him into letting go of it and having the x-ray taken. Taeil had looked at Jungwoo and his eyes had widened and he had asked Jungwoo to please try, even though these kind of difficult tasks were still ‘watch-only’ events.

Jungwoo had been the one that had managed to make the puppy let go of his hurting arm and extend it how he needed to, wear the lead vest, and he had even stopped crying after a bit.

It had been so rewarding. To make it even better, Taeil had sighed deeply, after the puppy had been taken care of and he and his owner had left with him, and had thanked Jungwoo with honest eyes.

Remembering that, helped him find his words and stopped him from dropping his voice how he didn’t want to anymore. It helped him remember to have faith in himself.

“I’m sorry if you feel that way about my concerns whether or not you’re actually providing the care the Hybrids deserve.”

“Wow, what’s gotten into you? Seriously, you need to calm down.”

Jungwoo turned to unpack his belongings while the other guy greeted some other students entering the room. He felt a little sick. He hadn’t even said everything he felt he needed to say.

The reaction was already enough to make him want to backtrack and lie about his principles.

He checked his phone, the new screensaver a selfie Yuta had taken with him.

No, he couldn’t. He owed it to Yuta and the others, but most of all, he owed it to himself and his own happiness.

The classroom filled quickly and Jungwoo fell into meaningless small talk with another of his fellow students. It was about the most recent pop songs and Jungwoo was moderately interested. He didn’t want to dig deeper, he ditched questions about his internship by distracting.

He felt like he should be doing more.

He should face the confrontations that might arise.

But his stomach still felt like it had turned to stone from the previous one and he just couldn’t.

He’d take it step by step. Slowly risking more arguments, instead of throwing himself right into them when he didn’t feel ready to take that much yet.

Only, it turned out to be so much harder than he would have thought it was going to be.

Jungwoo got himself kicked from friendship groups, and their group chats, one after another.

The emptier the feed on his phone, the smaller the number of notifications when he checked, the more he felt like he was losing everything instead of _choosing_ to distance himself from toxic mindsets and people.

It didn’t feel like he was choosing, it felt like it was ripped from him. It felt like he’d end up alone.

Alone, but doing the right thing. Alone because of doing the right thing.

One time, he told a guy, that had struck his Hybrid right in front of them, that he was hurting her. That had escalated very quickly.

Jungwoo had been a bit past tipsy and ended up walking from the bar with tears in his eyes and the argument unsolved. He had cried against the windows of the Hybrid shop on Hongik Street for two hours until he had finally been sobered up enough to get the last metro back to Anam.

He had been glad to see the group chat-name gone from his K-Talk feed.

Others disappeared because he hadn’t come anymore, no reason given. He had hardly known the people, often, he wasn’t even sure they went to K U – they might? He had just ghosted them and found a chat gone when he had remembered it had been a thing. When he had even been thrown out, he didn’t know.

As much as he had planned and wanted to, it was hard to deal with the feeling of loneliness and of being abandoned.

As much as he had thought he could do it, as much as he wanted to be a good person and do what he knew was right – each time challenging the general opinion became harder.

Each argument or even fight arising from him speaking up for his believes was more crushing until it became impossible for him to even open his mouth, fear taking his voice.

He couldn’t ruin his life. And it felt like that was what he was doing by going against the current. It felt like he was not even going against it, he was drowning because he was too stubborn to let it pick him up and carry downstream with everyone else.

He still had four years of school left, four years with the people he went to classes with, four years of professors grading his tests and deciding whether or not Jungwoo ever end up becoming a doctor.

Four years of being dependant on a scholarship that was only given the very best of the class.

The options how to make it through were limited.

Jungwoo knew only one way to.

He had told himself he wasn’t going to do it anymore, he wasn’t going to pretend to be someone he wasn’t. He wasn’t going to numb his emotions to fit a standard society expected him to.

Every day, those resolutions became a little weaker, his grip on his commitment slipped a little more. Fear hooked her ugly claws into the confidence Jungwoo had built up with so much effort and wore it down ten times as quickly as he could rebuild it.

He tried to keep in touch with everyone from Heaven using texts.

He had even been over twice during Chuseok, which had been what had kept him sane during those days when he felt loneliness to the point that it was unbearable.

Jaehyun’s hair had grown out enough that he had been to the hairdresser for the first time, which had filled him with immense happiness, enough to make Jungwoo forget about this family holiday being spent without his.

But as his workload piled up and made a two-hour trip to Gangnam impossible while the meetings in Anam that he hadn’t gotten exiled from became more focussed on getting black-out drunk on every weekend to cope with the stress, Jungwoo’s texts to Yuta, Taeyong, and the others became fewer.

Fear silenced him, but it didn’t silence his conscience.

Every joke, every derogatory term weighted heavier on it. Every time he used his privilege to make his life easier, he cried longer in the evening until he could finally find peace.

So, he did the only thing he knew to handle the situation he was lost in.

Momentary relief that came with an early death sentence. Numbness instead of tears, a smell that would remind Yuta of a bad past and Doyoung of all the denied chances.

Blending in and hiding was easier than standing up and taking the heat of an argument.

Using his privilege made his life comfortable and bearable.

To the outside.

The longer ago his break-up was, the easier it was to fall back into the habit of smiling subtly, holding gazes for longer than would be normal, never letting anyone else know. But he could never follow it up with anything because each time, that one smile came to the front of his mind, reminding him his heart was taken and hadn’t been returned even though he no longer saw the person who had it.

The more he tried to soothe this suffocating guilt he constantly carried with him, the less he dared to pick up the phone and genuinely smile at the texts from one of the Hybrids, who didn’t know he was going behind their backs, hurting them indirectly. It meant he had even fewer reasons to smile because there was no other source of them for Jungwoo.

The longer ago his internship was, the fewer reasons Jungwoo found to keep texting Taeil.

Jungwoo didn’t want to lose this odd but precious friendship, but it was what it was.

Jungwoo was a coward, someone who had to go with the flow and fit in to build an illusion of friendships around himself. He was just a student, young and foolish.

Meanwhile, Taeil was busy with his work, he often didn’t answer for hours or even days.

He must be fed up with Jungwoo. He must be disappointed in having invested so much time into a coward and egoist.

It’d be only reasonable to let go, to try and return to what he had had, once upon a time.

Heaven was there, he was here.

It was like the Han between Gangnam and Anam was the pacific ocean and the friendships, that had blossomed so quickly, turned out to be like a long-distance relationship that grew cold because the love at first sight wasn’t strong enough.

Taeil helped one Hybrid at a time and held himself accountable for contributing to the change he wanted to see. Jungwoo was stuck in systematic abuse without the courage to speak up because he was scared that there was no one backing him and nothing to rely on if things went south – which he was sure they would if he followed through with what he had wanted to do.

The person, he had wanted to become, started to feel like a stranger he had briefly met and held a small chat with before parting ways and struggling to even recall their face. The only thing the stranger had left him, as a reminder that he had failed to hold on, was his voice.

He had not gone back to pitching it down.

Because Taeil liked his voice.

Jungwoo stared at the blue smoke the rose into the sky over his head before bringing the cigarette back up to his lips and taking another drag.

It tasted bitter, but it helped him fight off the tears.

He couldn’t cry. It wasn’t manly.

“I really don’t get why we need to do this shit. Can’t he give us a literature review?”

“Literature reviews are always the same thing,” Jungwoo was tired, so tired, of reading these words in thick textbooks he knew weren’t the truth.

As one person, stuck in a system where no one else saw the lies for what they were, he was unable to change anything. He was like a tiny gear in a huge machine, forced to roll with the flow or be alone, be kicked from group-chats, not invited back, so he’d ultimately break.

He took another deep drag from the cigarette.

“I don’t get why there are no statistics already on how old Hybrids are when they’re sold on average.”

“That’s why we’re doing this,” Jungwoo had finished and threw the butt on the sidewalk, where he stepped onto it to extinguish it. He was just as ready for it to be over as his partner, but for entirely different reasons. Reading through ‘stock’ information only to re-confirm every Hybrid was sold before even turning 15 or mysteriously disappeared made him want to throw up.

Yet, here he was, nodding and thanking shop owners for their support. Because he needed a good grade. Because he was scared to be ridiculed.

He was pathetic.

“Uma, can you hurry up?” the guy tugged on the leash in his hand, “Yeah, still. I have so much shit to study for. Anatomy, Microbiology, Biology, Biochemistry, and instead, I’m walking through Seoul like a fucking tourist.”

The Hybrid on the end of the leash ripped her gaze from the window she had just been looking into with wide eyes. Jungwoo reached to his back pocket and pulled out another cigarette, which he put between his lips before fumbling for his lighter.

The end began to smoulder and he held onto it like a lifeline. It was his lifeline, though one that was slowly going to kill him in turn for giving him the strength to endure this.

It was this or being alone. This or a low grade he couldn’t afford.

He had been wrong. He couldn’t be alone rather than accept the abuse. He couldn’t stand up and risk something but go to bed knowing he had done the right thing.

He was too weak, too selfish, too cowardly.

“Yeah, especially microbiology is really kicking ass this semester,” Jungwoo grumbled. Just getting reminded of the stacks of scrips that he hadn’t yet gotten to, of the endless mock-exam questions still unanswered that were waiting for his return in Anam, was enough to make him feel anxious, restless, wanting to run from shop to shop to get this over with as quickly as possible to get to the rest of his impossible workload.

He had already gotten a bad grade in patient care and Hybrid psychology.

His scholarship required him to not drop below 95% for every semester average. His scholarship was what he needed to live, eat, and study. It was everything. It was his only support-network, but one he had to work hard for, not an unconditional one.

Right now, he was at 92.7%. All because he hadn’t been able to regurgitate these lies sold as truth in their textbooks and by their professors.

He inhaled more of the nicotine. It’d be fine. There still were four weeks until the actual exams were going to happen. He still had many nights he could stay up and cram.

“I’m sorry, Master! I got distracted, I will not bother you again.”

Jungwoo couldn’t even look at the Hybrid. Her voice was trembling and the other student snorted. A small slap made Jungwoo jerk internally when he hit her over her cheek with the end of the leash. It wasn’t a strong one, but she whimpered and Jungwoo took a deep drag.

If this were Taeyong, which it was so easy to imagine it was from her hair to her wide and curious eyes, could he have watched?

If Taeil knew what he was currently doing, would he still be able to even look into his eyes?

No. No, he couldn’t even look at his own reflection in the evening, feeling dirty inside and out, the smoke seemingly casting a grey hue over his skin and his selfishness making him ugly.

“She just looked, cut her some slack, can’t you?” he didn’t look at the other when he said it.

The first times, it had been easier when he had voice criticism. Now, the fear of backlash had grown so out of hand, she was silencing him as if she was holding his throat closed. He could barely breathe because she choked him, punishing him for speaking up.

He was a coward.

“She’s annoying me.”

“She just looked.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll just not bring her next time.”

Jungwoo held the smoke in his lungs longer than he should before letting it go.

“That way, she’ll be even more curious next time you bring her and will want to look even more. Imagine being locked into your home and then finally being allowed to see the world, obviously she’s curious.”

The other burst out in a mocking laugh.

“Yeah, but, she’s a Hybrid. I know you got your head a little twisted at your internship, but look at her! She’s dumb, she doesn’t even feel anything this complex. It’s not the same.”

Jungwoo was done with his cigarette and left it in the ashtray at the entrance of the Hybrid shop they had reached. He wanted another, he needed another. He could barely breathe without feeling the immediate relief of nicotine.

“She looked pretty sad to me, but let’s get our job done here, okay?”

It always was like that.

In the end, Jungwoo could never be like Taeil, he could never actually commit to this mentality, he could never be on eye-level with someone as passionate and as upstanding as him.

All the heart racing, all the fantasies in his head, they were just yet another expression of how pathetic Jungwoo was for thinking he could ever be someone like that.

Yet he also couldn’t go back to fully ignoring the proof he had been presented with.

His final paper for patient care and Hybrid psychology was done, on his hard drive, the last thing to turn in. It would be his final grade for the semester and for the subject overall.

Most of his tests had gone well. He had hardly slept for a month, but it had paid off.

If he turned in a cookie-cutter paper, he’d surely get 95% on it and not have to worry.

Just when had sat down in the library to rework everything, so it’d please the professor who had called him a fanatic for his other paper that she had graded with a 20%, he had gotten a text from Yuta. It had been a Meme, nothing deep, just a small joke. He sometimes did that, even though there wasn’t much else they still talked about.

Like he had known how much Jungwoo had needed a reminder of this fantasy-person he had thought he could become but hadn’t, but who would have written these papers if he had become reality.

He had last seen Yuta in October, over two months ago. Jungwoo couldn’t even write messages while smelling the smoke on himself and knowing it’d trigger negative feelings in Yuta. He didn’t deserve the Beagle’s bright smile and bubbly talking.

He had turned the invitation to his birthday down, excusing himself with being ‘busy’.

He remembered when it had been routine to text Yuta. It used to feel natural and easy. He had complained about uni and Yuta had given anecdotes from the office. He had even texted with Jaehyun, occasionally Taeyong and Doyoung. And, of course, Taeil.

Before he had become weak again and had given in to the temptation.

He had ended up not being able to open the document, even though he knew he needed his scholarship. He was so torn between what he couldn’t have and what he couldn’t return to, stuck in this middle-ground of misery that felt isolated and wrong.

Even though he was here because he was trying so desperately to not be alone, he was.

Leaving living by the norm behind and chasing happiness had failed. The punishment was Jungwoo’s current situation being worse than it had been before.

He missed the warm hugs and Yuta’s loud laughter. He missed Jaehyun’s soft voice and sensitive nature, he missed Doyoung’s witty remarks and short fuse, he missed Taeyong’s cooking and attention to details and everyone’s well-being.

He missed Taeil.

He missed everything about him. Just thinking of his confident but kind smile and insightful words, how he’d so easily remember to respect everyone around him like he had been made to radiate safety and comfort, let his chest feel tight and warm, but also like a hole had been ripped into it, empty and aching.

Those conversations over everything Jungwoo could think of, be it during lunch or after work when he’d stay up to an hour extra because he and Taeil lost track of time while discussing treatments, laws, politics, school, or just a most recent film release, were what were missing.

A Taeil shaped hole, that was the biggest out of the five Jungwoo was painfully reminded of daily.

With them, he might find the courage to stick up for what was right and not retort to a measly paper to show his opinion.

But he had failed them.

It’d be better like this for them. He wasn’t part of their lives, there was no room for him there. They were strong, unique, and brave.

He was a coward, unable to figure his own personality out and unable to make true of the resolutions he had made for himself.

If only he knew how.

Four more years of uni until he was done.

It seemed like an eternity when it meant four more years of having to listen to Hybrids being misrepresented and their abuse being justified.

In the end, Jungwoo would become just another doctor, working for a bigger clinic and being asked to put down a child that had been unfortunate enough to get an illness so easily treated.

He wasn’t like Taeil. Neither his personality nor his background. Opening his own office was absolutely out of the question because it was way too expensive.

There was no one else like Taeil in all of Seoul, maybe all of South Korean, who did what he did.

Maybe, it’d be best to hand in the paper and accept his scholarship being revoked, thus ending his studies because he wouldn’t be able to pay for tuition, food, or a flat anymore.

Maybe, he should just pick up some easy job where he didn’t need an education for. Where he had no responsibility, where he didn’t have to decide what to do, how to do it, but just follow commands and make a living to allow himself to live in a one-room apartment.

Wasn’t that the most appropriate thing to do? Just fit in, don’t speak up, be a coward?

Wasn’t that who he was?

The door to Joohyun’s room squeaked on its hinges and Jungwoo looked up from the video on his laptop he hadn’t been paying attention to, to see Jennie in Joohyun’s bathrobe.

“Oh, you’re home? Didn’t you want to go celebrate finishing your finals? Didn’t you usually find some pretty boy for the night? Man-Eater?” she chuckled and Jungwoo shook his head. He knew she meant it as an endearment so he didn’t mind. Even if he had wanted to, he couldn’t feel anything at the thought of being insulted, nor at thinking about going out or sleeping with some stranger, neither upset nor excitement.

Somehow, his feelings had gotten shut off. He was just tired. That had been the goal, right? Not having emotions, so he wouldn’t feel the sadness? Just… the sadness was still there, like a wet towel that dampened everything else, even the tiredness.

“The others are going tomorrow. I don’t have that many groups to go out with anymore, so, I’ll be going tomorrow with them. I’m not doing the slut-thing right now either,” Jungwoo couldn’t ruin things with his classmates, he still had four more years ahead with them. He hated going out, but they did it, so he did it. The alcohol would help him shut down the sadness, just like he had shut down everything else.

“No way, I thought that had been only been on hold during the semester?” Jennie flopped onto the sofa next to him and helped herself to a cigarette.

“Just don’t feel like it,” Jungwoo shrugged and closed his laptop to pay her attention. He could use a distraction, he could use her company. Jennie was one of only two people he felt were worth the effort and where he could allow himself to let go of his image.

“Some say, humans aren’t mean for sex without feelings, anyway.”

Jungwoo sighed and decided to smoke as well. “I never had trouble.” He put the cigarette between his lips.

“Joohyun made some comments that you might have had something more serious going on, you know, during your internship, when you quit smoking for a while and became overall more decent?”

Jungwoo closed his eyes. His chest hurt thinking about it. The smoke tasted disgusting, but he needed to to be able to talk about this.

“Not really. Well. There was nothing going on.”

“Hm, but you wished there had been, don’t you? I know heartbreak sucks worse than a jock going down on you, but I think it did you good, the whole being in love situation. I mean, you still went back to old habits, but not all of them. I’d like to personally thank whoever the lucky man was, but I guess that’d be weird.”

Jungwoo shakily tapped the ash off his cigarette.

Had he been in love?

He had never said these three words to anyone but his first boyfriend, and even to him, he knew he had not loved him but just not known any better.

If he had been in love… could he even say he _had been_? Because his feelings, even after two months of being away, four since the end of his internship, were unchanged. His chest hurt thinking about Taeil, but only because he was so unattainable, so far away. If he remembered Taeil’s bright smiles and thoughtful words, his caring nature and unapologetic way of standing up for himself, it still became warm and his heart started to race.

“Do you really think I became more decent? Didn’t I fall back into all my old patterns?” Jungwoo stared at the smouldering paper and watched how everything burnt into grey ash.

“Well, I didn’t know you that terribly well, obviously, but no, I do really think you became a better person for good. Like the whole boyfriend-situation? You know I only tolerate men who never try to hit on me and I wanted to extra-tolerate you for Joohyun’s sake, but that part was sort of hard to swallow for me. I think you genuinely realised what you were doing was shitty?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. You didn’t go back to it. I mean, obviously you’re still hurting but you could have tried to heal yourself by getting into the next unhealthy relationship with a pretty, willing boy. You didn’t, so, I see growth there. That’s the part I can judge best. I also think you’re not as terribly stuck on being an Alpha male anymore, still got some improvement to do there, but you’re doing better. I prefer the soft voice, by the way, you pull it off well.”

“Thanks,” Jungwoo muttered because he was actually grateful to hear that.

“You’re welcome, decent male being.”

She squashed her cigarette in the ashtray and Jungwoo tried to make sense of how he felt over her words.

He felt as miserable, if not more, as he had felt in summer, so, he had just assumed he had already undone all of his progress. Hearing this, he might not be doing as terribly as he had thought he was? There could still be hope? At the same time, she had confirmed that he had failed, and that confirmation only made it hurt worse.

The words “in love” wouldn’t stop echoing off the walls of his head.

Of course, he had had a crush on Taeil, he wasn’t that naïve and clueless. Love, that was something Jungwoo had never really understood, he felt that just wasn’t for him. He didn’t have his family’s love and he never felt more than physical attraction to the men he was with.

Without a doubt, there had been more with Taeil. Much more. The feeling of not wanting to be with him for just a night, of being scared to ruin something because he wanted more, he still vividly remembered that.

Feeling his chest hurt like his heart was being squeezed too tightly, Jungwoo was scared to explore this any further.

People always made love out to be this miracle.

Yes, this warmth, this deep respect and admiration for Taeil, this affection and pull towards him, that had been amazing, it had been fulfilling and almost maddeningly good.

Right now, he still felt warm and dizzy, but he also hurt, yet the pain didn’t dim his adoration for Taeil.

It was scary. It was scary that one person would make him feel this way. Jungwoo had felt fear and hate for people, but, usually, once the people had left his life, the feelings had worn off and paled until they were just a shadow in the back of his mind.

These feelings for Taeil didn’t seem to pale, they didn’t just disappear, they stayed hot and strong in his chest.

A force of nature, too powerful to control. That, too, was how people described it.

To Jungwoo, he wasn’t sure if he should curse his feelings or cherish them, but it didn’t matter because whatever he’d choose, they weren’t going to leave.

If only he was a person that Taeil would ever look at the same way, if only he was good enough, if only he was strong enough.

He might have made a bit of progress, but it was nowhere enough. Just how the Han felt like the pacific ocean, Taeil felt like an unattainable idol, so out of reach for a mere mortal like Jungwoo who was so full of flaws and faults.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kei127 on Twitter kindly drew another image for this AU ;;; [Kun](https://twitter.com/KeiSugarbat/status/1197970195136098304) hasn’t yet made his appearance but I’ll link it anyway, thank you so much <3

Jungwoo closed his eyes and leaned against the wall of the store Joohyun, Jennie, and the other two had disappeared into five minutes ago. He tried to focus on how the cars rushing by sounded, mixing with the music from the open doors of the chains down the busy street and the conversations of people walking past.

After talking to Jennie last night for a bit, she had suggested he should tag along and take his mind off things.

It was working moderately well.

Not really. If he was being honest, it wasn’t working at all. His thoughts kept going in circles around the same questions that had been broken loose by their talk yesterday but remained unanswered.

Who was he and where was he going?

He might be selfish and a coward, but Jennie’s words had given him a spark of hope that he didn’t know what to do with. It hadn’t burnt the sadness, it didn’t make him any less tired, but it made him restless.

He still had yet to hand in his paper, but he planned to go party regardless of his last grade tonight. He didn’t even feel like it. He just didn’t care and he had already agreed, so why not go. Whatever. It didn’t matter. Maybe, he could forget his future was on the line.

A bit of shopping wasn’t going to do that, he needed something stronger.

He had been drunk too many times over the last weeks, but it helped him cope. If everyone else was drunk and wouldn’t remember what was happening come morning, some of his fears would be silenced. And he also forgot.

He still hated how he felt once he sobered up, but at least he didn’t have to feel much in the moment. It was like smoking, just stronger.

The question of having to either hand his current paper in or re-write it was now in the front his head. It was even more pressing than every other regarding his life and his future because it was what could tip the scale of whether or not he’d even have to worry about anything else.

But was that was he wanted? To just surrender?

He didn’t have a single answer and he didn’t know where to look to find one.

The anxiety made him stay outside and inhale one cigarette after another while the girls looked through endless racks of clothes. Currently, that seemed to be his default state – either anxious or exhausted.

It was his last course of the subject. If he just handed in one more paper alining with the general opinion, he’d finish it with a good grade and could carry on as normal.

One more paper explaining that Hybrids were essentially animals at mind, never reaching anywhere near the cognitive and emotional capability of humans. One more paper explaining the reasoning for keeping treatment simple and trampling over Hybrids in favour of pleasing their owners.

A paper on all these lies and unfairness, belittlement and discrimination the Hybrids had done nothing to deserve, that he’d have to write.

He _couldn’t_.

Especially after Jennie had encouraged him that he hadn’t completely failed himself. There was still a bit of a better person left in him.

Everything he could do to hold onto this selfless, confident, and kind Jungwoo, he had to do.

Yet, it meant putting everything at stake and while he was miserable now, he lacked the encouragement of someone who believed in him to take this step. He needed someone to have more faith in him than he did, someone who wouldn’t beat around the bush and soothe him but say the brutal truth even if it hurt.

Someone who really understood, who was in the field as well, who had made these very same experiences that he was currently. Someone who had not broken in the huge machine of systematic exploitation or drowned in the current of the general opinion.

He knew where to look for that – or where he could have looked for it before throwing it all away because of a little stress.

Jungwoo opened his eyes and the world around him looked grey and dull. A never-ending cycle of tribulations. He was trapped in a concrete jungle without anyone to lighten up the city, other than Joohyun, maybe Jennie, but even she couldn’t answer any of thises questions for him, no matter how long they might know each other.

Jungwoo liked people, he liked having company, he liked talking and interacting with them. He needed their support, just like any other human.

One person would never be enough to meet all these demands, and one person shouldn’t be the one having to shoulder all of that.

If only he were someone else, if only he were more masculine, if only he believed lies he didn’t know were ones, if only he could look at a woman and find her attractive. If he could, his family would still be there, he could have a girlfriend and feel love and affection for her, show it to the entire world. If he was, he could fit in naturally and be happy during the meetings where people yelled over each other and drank too much.

Once more, he only came to the conclusion that to fit in, he’d have to be someone he wasn’t.

He was stuck with all these things that weren’t supposed to be like this, he was stuck with a heart yearning for another man but a head knowing it was never going to happen. He was stuck in fear that controlled him because he was weak and selfish.

He wasn’t good enough and unable to change to be.

He was lost.

Now, the last thing he was clinging to, like it was a shred of his map, was the paper that ultimately would mean his demise because it would rip the last thing from him: his scholarship, the support network he had knitted for himself but had been made from string instead of rope and wouldn’t hold the moment he tried to be anything but the perfectly adjusted and normal student it had been given to.

“Hey, Jungwoo, we want your opinion on something. We need a gay insight,” one of the girls chirped from the store’s entrance door.

Jungwoo pushed off the wall and threw his cigarette to the ground to step on it.

“Sure.”

Jungwoo did know about fashion. He enjoyed it, but he couldn’t normally show that – it was what something to tip people off about his preference without even saying a word. Right now, he had a beard, he had four girls to hide behind. He wished he could enjoy it more but he couldn’t. His mind was preoccupied and even with a cover, he still had to make sure not to be too obvious.

The inside the store smelt of flowers and the changing rooms had beautiful velvet curtains that were so thick, they swallowed the sound of excited chattering.

It was so much more beautiful than the cold street, yet, he stood outside again when the girls entered the next store. He felt like he didn’t fit in this sweet paradise, it wasn’t made for men. He either had to feel like an intruder or give away he wasn’t everything he was supposed to be. So, he stood outside, where it was safe, where he could cling to his nicotine like it would save and not destroy him.

Another guy, who must be waiting for his girlfriend, nodded in greeting before returning to his phone.

Jungwoo lit another cigarette. There weren’t as many people to watch and listen to here as compared to the stores they had been to before. The further from the main street they got, the more unique the styles, but the less to distract Jungwoo from the questions and the maddening worries of his life.

His scholarship was what he fully relied on. If he didn’t have it, everything would be gone and the only option left was to take some job that didn’t require higher education.

A job in the system, where he would be an even smaller gear, forever unable to change anything.

Whatever option he weighted, each came out more terrible than the last.

A wicked cycle of doom Jungwoo was in and didn’t know how to break, other than disregarding either his own happiness or disregarding his own happiness _and_ all the things he had learnt during the wonderful three months at the safety bubble that was Heaven. Worse, let down the person who had had more faith in him that he even remembered his parents ever expressing.

Then again, he had already disappointed them, hadn’t he? One paper or not – it wouldn’t save him.

The girl the other guy must have been waiting for came from the store and they made their way back to where the mainstream shoppers were.

Maybe, he should go back to dating. To ease this crushing loneliness. If he had someone to sleep with, it would soothe it at least a little. He’d really try, this time, he’d not just find a “boy toy”. He’d find someone to really try and… fall in love with?

Yet, as he tried to imagine this person in his head, he ended up thinking of a short guy with a bright and confident smile, maybe sometimes leaning more toward a mischievous smirk, maybe sometimes becoming awkward and clumsy. Someone he could talk to about new treatments, politics, or just new Dramas, more, someone to share his fears and worries, his crushing insecurities, and his upset over his family no longer talking to him with.

He tried to tell himself this person wasn’t modelled exactly after one certain man, maybe exaggerated by adding his secret wishes, but Jungwoo knew he was lying to himself.

As long as his first thought still went to him when he saw something romantic he desired to have in his life, as long as he still imagined Taeil whenever he touched himself, as long as he still kept staring at Taeil’s never changed profile picture in Kakao Talk, that had been taken on the bridge during the boat race and had Jungwoo looking a little silly and a little sunburnt in it, right next to Taeil with his colourful shirt and parasol, he couldn’t be with anyone else.

He watched the smoke disappear against the clouds, which were just as dark and grey. It might snow. It sometimes did. Never much, but that was to be expected in Seoul. Snow would be nice, but only for a few moments until it’d turn into mud under the busy traffic. Snow in a big city was lost and helpless. Similarly to how Jungwoo felt.

With the help of nicotine, it was easy to force tears down before they’d even rise to his eyes. He looked more masculine like this. It was safer to do this.

“Hey, Jungwoo,” he jerked to his left, where the voice had come from, and dropped his cigarette in surprise, and also in hopes of the other never having seen it was there in the first place.

What was he doing here?

Why now?

Why ever?

“Hi, what are you doing here, Taeil-Hyung?” Jungwoo heard his voice almost crack from trying to sound cheerful and like he was just happy to see him.

He was happy.

He didn’t have to fake that.

But he wished he weren’t here at the same time.

All the flaws and weaknesses Jungwoo had, were so painfully obvious right now. He felt so pathetic. He didn’t want Taeil to see any of this.

“Shopping. Don’t litter, I thought you had quit?”

Jungwoo quickly stepped on the still smouldering cigarette and crouched to pick it up. He was glad to escape Taeil’s watchful eyes and took more time than anyone would need, just to lengthen the moment during which he was able to hide.

“I had.”

“Why did you start again, then? It’s unhealthy.”

Jungwoo swallowed and evaded Taeil’s eyes when he straightened back up.

“Stress.” It wasn’t a lie, at least not fully.

He couldn’t say all the reasons, he couldn’t show how weak he was, how much less good a person than Taeil. Where, before, it had helped him open up, now, it only made the failure worse and harder to admit.

“And the stress gets lesser because of the nicotine?” Taeil didn’t sound judgemental, but they both knew it didn’t.

Jungwoo shook his head. He couldn’t speak. Not when Taeil’s voice alone made him remember all the resolutions he had had, all the things he had wanted to change, remember how strong he had said he was going to be.

What of that was left?

“Jungwoo, we need your opinion!” someone poked their head from the store.

His opinion.

His _gay_ opinion.

True panic choked Jungwoo up. Please, she couldn’t say it, she couldn’t out him, please, no.

He turned and hoped to get the message across: _don’t say the word! Don’t put the nail into my coffin!_

Like through a miracle, she understood the desperation on his face and noticed the stranger next to him. “Or is this a bad time?”

“I’ll return your shopping assistant in just a moment,” Taeil answered in his stead. His voice was pleasant and gentle, how it would be with patients.

Jungwoo waited until the door had closed before he turned again, no longer able to use the excuse to avoid him.

“You haven’t come over in a while, I was wondering, but I guess that’s why?” The professional, calm tone was replaced by a softer one, the one that made Jungwoo want to tear down all of societies rules and just sob and admit he had failed and he wasn’t good enough, but he loved him and he missed him.

He didn’t. He couldn’t.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to impose.”

He was a coward.

“By coming?”

“Yeah,” it was just a fraction of his reasons, just what he could say right now without breaking down and making a complete fool of himself.

“But I thought I had made it clear you weren’t? You’re welcome any time! The kids have been talking about you from time to time, but I didn’t want to annoy you by asking repeatedly.”

Jungwoo swallowed.

“You don’t… have to make me your charity case, it’s okay, my internship is over and we both have our roles, right? I just need to get through uni somehow and you have your office.” Jungwoo had proven he couldn’t follow Taeil’s example. Anything past this point would just be pity. He didn’t want that, he didn’t want to be tolerated only because he was so pathetic.

There were a couple of beats of silence.

“Jungwoo, I’ll be honest, we both know that’s a lie. I know as well as you that uni can be a hellhole. I did that shit for five years, believe me, there was more than one occasion during which I wanted to quit, drop out, and just move to the end of the world where I wouldn’t ever have to talk to anyone ever again.”

“You see, that’s you, but I’d rather go to that hellhole than be alone. I thought I could be like that and rather not have people in my life than watch them abused their Hybrids, but turns out, I can’t. I can’t be alone, I can’t take the backlash I get for standing up for what no one else believes in,” Jungwoo hadn’t meant to be so blunt, but with Taeil, it came naturally like it had been pent up and broken loose.

“Then I understand even less why you’d turn my offer down. I told you, no one should have to do this alone, I don’t expect you to do. It was wrong to say it like my experience would be universal. I just don’t understand why you’d rather do this to yourself than just visit a bit more often? Or do you prefer the company of people like that over ours? I don’t understand that.” Taeil’s voice was calm, but there was an undertone that let Jungwoo know he was more affected than he was trying to let on.

“No. I just… I admire you for your determination and your ethics, but… I’m not like you, I can’t do the things you do. I feel like you don’t want me there. I get that. I don’t want to be a pity-project either.”

Jungwoo was still not facing Taeil, but he heard the other try and begin a sentence twice before he actually answered.

“I don’t even know where I messed up, and I’m so sorry I did because… Jungwoo, _I’m_ the one who missed you the most. I want you to visit! I don’t pity you, but what I know is that holding a certain view on life can make you very lonely. There are times during which I am, and when you were there to listen I… I enjoyed that. I had thought we could keep doing that, but I didn’t want to force you to. I don’t mean to dictate your life, I don’t expect you to make all the same decisions I did. Hell, I don’t make all that great decisions all the time, to begin with. I try my best, but I don’t want to be your role-model, I already am that to four Hybrids to the best of my abilities. I want to be the person you discuss things with, so we can both benefit from that and find new views on life, how we did.”

Jungwoo stared at Taeil, feeling like someone had pulled the floor from underneath his feet.

How? How did Taeil feel like this?

How was he not seeing the miles and miles between them, how Jungwoo was so far below him even a ladder would never be enough?

His internal breakdown was interrupted:

“Hey, darling, we’re done, are you ready to move on or do you want to catch up?” Joohyun asked from a few steps away, where she must have just left the store. Jungwoo swallowed thickly and hoped she hadn’t heard too much. They had been keeping the volume down, so it should be fine.

She came over and eyed Taeil thoroughly.

He stood open and was silent, but Jungwoo knew they hadn’t finished this, there was so much left unsaid. Taeil wouldn’t make this decision for him, he wouldn’t dictate his life. It was up to Jungwoo to finish this, to resolve misunderstandings and patch up what was like an open wound.

“I’ll find you later,” he softly returned. Joohyun pulled on his arm and he leaned down, so she could whisper into his ear:

“Is this an ex of yours, do you need saving? Or a beard?”

Jungwoo cleared his throat, “No, no, it’s okay.”

She nodded once and beamed at Taeil before she went over to where the others were waiting.

They stood in silence until they had left for sure and then Jungwoo finally had found words to express himself. The ball was on his side, and Taeil was waiting for his response, not pressuring him, but clearly expectant.

“I missed coming, too. I just felt like I was overstaying my welcome because you would take so long to answer. I thought you’d be fed up because I’m, well, was just the intern. I’m not a Hybrid you take care of and that’s part of the family. The harder it became to stand up for what I wanted to stand up for, the more I felt, still feel, like I’m just an overall disappointment. I’m annoyed with myself, it’s easy to assume so would everyone else be. I’m sorry.”

“That’s my fault, I’m really terrible at texting back. I’m sorry, too. I’ll try to improve and when you feel that way again, please tell me immediately. It’s not done on purpose but I can’t read your mind, we need to communicate these things. Because, yes, you came as the intern, but I’d love to keep you as a friend.

“I’m repeating myself, I genuinely enjoy spending time with you and I missed it, I missed you. I don’t expect you to take my word and follow my example. Just being on the same page, talking... I don’t have that many people I feel are worth it, but I never once felt like that with you. If you have trouble with the discussions that arise from calling people out of their behaviour towards Hybrids, why did you never tell me? I’ve been there before, it’s no shame to get some tips for how to handle it before you just… I don’t even know what you are doing but it can’t be healthy. I… I’m worried.”

Taeil’s voice was a little shaky now. Jungwoo had never heard it like this before, but he knew he was being honest with Jungwoo. Even though his words stung a bit – they were the truth.

This wasn’t healthy.

He had just felt so lost for months now, he hadn’t known what to do, how to find his way back to the right path.

If there was even a slight chance that Taeil had picked up his map and would give it back to him, so he could figure out where he was, what he was doing, and how to return to where he wanted to be… he had to take it! Fear and expectations aside, Taeil had never once let him down. Taeil had always had more faith in him and, apparently, Taeil saw more in him than he ever had.

“I’m bad at this… communicating. I wasn’t raised to talk about my problems but to internalise them. I still feel like it’s wrong to admit mistakes and show weakness,” Jungwoo avoided Taeil’s eyes. Even admitting this was hard, it was so personal – but he could trust Taeil, he knew that.

“Oh. I didn’t realise that. I felt like you were rather empathetic and well-spoken. You’re talking about it now, aren’t you?” Jungwoo felt like his heart took off in his chest. How could it be that his own perception of himself was so different from Taeil’s? Could it be that he wasn’t this pathetic loser, he felt he was, in Taeil’s eyes?

Just the thought spurred all his feelings on, it made them burn hotter and fresher, like gasoline added to a campfire.

Taeil offered him a new chance, one Jungwoo hadn’t even dared hope he’d get, one he wanted to seize to make right what he had messed up, for real, for good.

“Yeah. Yeah, I am, you just make it easy to. I forgot you did. But… I won’t forget again and, I don’t know, be an idiot and do what I realised hurt me and didn’t want to ever go back to.”

“Please. Please don’t do that.” Taeil’s eyes were soft now, filled with genuine concern and he looked at Jungwoo so intensely, it was hard to hold it, but also impossible to look away. Jungwoo’s chest was filled with this warmth he linked to Taeil.

More, it wasn’t just his chest, it seemed to be his stomach, too, now.

“But please don’t feel like you have to do exactly what I would. I’m not some tyrant, who will only accept his own way. If you don’t want to cut every person who has a bad opinion on Hybrids from your life, you shouldn’t do that. I mean, I would, and I would advise you to, but, I think you know you’re your own person, right? No one indoctrinated you to lose your free will, right?”

Jungwoo smiled weakly, “No, only to drop certain habits and rather wilfully sabotage my own life than stand out of the mass.”

“Ah, yes, peer pressure and the image of masculinity. Truly the foundation of society, so healthy.”

Jungwoo assumed that Taeil, at least to a degree, had been brought up in the same until he had broken out of it. How he had, Jungwoo wasn’t sure yet, but maybe Taeil’s way wouldn’t be the right one for him anyway because Taeil was Taeil and Jungwoo was Jungwoo.

Jungwoo knew it wouldn’t help him in the long run, but he still allowed himself to feel this deep affection and admiration for Taeil. He knew nothing would ever come of it, he knew people would be disgusted if the told them, probably even Taeil, but he couldn’t help being in love even if it was hopeless and would only end in a heartbreak worse than what he had already gone through.

With Taeil right here, smiling so beautifully and giving him another chance, Jungwoo didn’t think about how this would inevitably end. He could only focus on the now and on this feeling of being in love he had never experienced like this before.

“Would you like to get some bubble tea, or do you want to catch up with your friends?” Taeil asked, glancing down the street to where Joohyun and the others had disappeared, but they were long out of sight.

“Honestly, I’d rather have some bubble tea,” Jungwoo’s smile grew on his face without him having to force it to.

“Great. I think I forgot your favourite, though, because it’ll be on me,” Taeil grinned and they turned to return to where the main shopping street was, including the shops of the bubble tea chains.

“No, Hyung, absolutely not!” Jungwoo had already gotten invited so many times, he wanted to give back.

There was nothing big enough to show his gratitude for this second chance, a bubble tea would be the very least he could do.

“How are you going to stop me? I think you had black milk tea, didn’t you?”

“No, I didn’t,” Jungwoo was not going to let him pay, one way or another and if he had to trick him into it, that was what he’d do.

Taeil wrinkled his nose, “Green milk tea, then. I know it was one of the two, but the black one must have been Yuta. He usually gets black tea or iced coffee.”

“With pearls?” He felt a little reluctant to just fall back into talking about him, into thinking about him, into hoping to see him again.

He’d have to keep his resolution for at least a week before he would allow himself to really rationalise that he could be given another chance. He’d have to at the very least get the scent of smoke off himself before he’d show up in Gangnam again, he’d at the very least offer an honest apology for his abstinence. If they could forgive him how Taeil had, he’d believe this was truly happening.

“Yeah, don’t ask me why, I stopped trying to understand his taste long ago. He also found the idea of eating haggis great,” Taeil shrugged, “Just so you know where he got that from: we watched the Pixar princess movie last weekend. Did you happen to see any trailers for it? It’s called Brave?”

Jungwoo nearly asked why he should have, seeing how it was a film for little girls. It would have been what he had said, used it to construct his façade and strengthen it by yet another lie, when in reality, he had not only seen the trailer but also watched the film, multiple times.

No one could know that, in normal life.

Taeil was different, Taeil had asked first, he would not mock him for it but accept it like it was no big deal.

Jungwoo knew he would, he had just said he wouldn’t forget again.

He just needed to have a little courage, a little confidence…

“Yeah, I did. I went to see it with Joohyun a bit after Chuseok,” a day after the last time he had been to Cheongdam, two weeks before he had buckled under everything and had picked smoking back up.

Jungwoo grabbed his key charm. _Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it. _

“Bet it was great on the big screen. I hardly remember the last time I was in a theatre to watch a film. Honestly, though, I was so confused by the plot! I expected some empowered princess and really cool archery, marriage discussions, but, instead, her family turned into bears? The trailer really made it seem like it would be something it wasn’t, I ended up being a bit disappointed.”

“I can understand that, but I don’t agree,” Jungwoo softly returned. He could imagine Taeil with the four Hybrids, all cuddled up on the old sofa in the living room, watching Disney for hours. It felt homely and safe just imagining it.

He still couldn’t agree and he could say so – because Taeil wasn’t a tyran.

“You liked it?” Taeil turned his head in question. The lights of the H&M they were passing caught on something in his ear and Jungwoo nearly forgot to answer because he got so distracted by it. There was a stud in Taeil’s ear, small and silver. An earing in the piercing Jungwoo had noticed in summer but hadn’t really expected to still be in use.

It just seemed so unlikely. Taeil was always so mature. Having his ears pierced… it was something rebellious and edgy.

“Jungwoo?”

“Hm? Yeah! Yeah, I liked it, I actually thought it was better than what the trailer had me expecting. The animation is amazing, her hair was stunning, the landscape. The music, too. Uh. Yeah, yeah, I liked it.” Jungwoo cleared his throat, reining himself back in. His eyes flitted to Taeil’s ear again.

“I can’t argue with the animation being true art. I usually prefer the hand-drawn Disney, but Pixar was always about CGI. I just thought it was going to be about her betrothment and the whole competition to see who’d be most worthy,” They had arrived at their destination and Taeil pushed the door open.

“It was, though. They showed the entire competition and traditional process, but it wasn’t the central plotline. That was her and her mother’s relationship. She didn’t want to get married and her mother didn’t want to accept that, she didn’t fit the mould her mother had for her. That’s why she wanted to change her fate so badly, she just wanted her mother to understand her,” Jungwoo turned to the menu over the counter,

“of course, her means were bad and not what she had intended but, in the end, such a drastic situation was the only thing strong enough to force both of them into listening to the other. Especially her mother, I think, saw her daughter for who she was and not for who she wanted her to be. But Merida understood how much pressure and responsibility was on her mother, too, and that she loved her… more than anything and would do everything within her power to protect her.

“It might have not been as full of action as showing lots of archery would have been and there was no happy ending with her suddenly changing her mind and finding one of the sons oh so charming she’d suddenly do a 180 and get married, but I think the ending was much more meaningful than the 100th princess wedding would have been because a family that had not understood the needs of the others was given a happy ending in which they could see and love each other with all their personality traits because they had taken the time to understand them and accept them.”

There was a reason why he had re-watched the film so many times, in the privacy of his room, where he had allowed himself to cry.

“Well, if you say it like that… maybe, I was too focussed on expecting a wedding and happy ever after or something. But you’re kind of right, it would have been a 180 if she had suddenly agreed. I mean, I think the film could have shown her change of mind and take time doing so before a marriage but the conflict with her mother wouldn’t have been resolved, just brushed over and buried because her mum would have gotten what she had planned for Merida without understanding how it wasn’t actually what _she_ had envisioned and tried to make her daughter fit.” Taeil muttered, looking like he was slowly coming out of deep concentration. He must have been listening intently and his suggestion to make the dream-wedding happen sounded neat save for the weakness he had already spotted himself, “Damn. See, that’s what I missed!” Taeil nudged Jungwoo’s waist and Jungwoo startled and stumbled but caught himself before actually falling.

“G-glad to be there for you to question Disney movies,” he stuttered, feeling quite silly.

“I like to question absolutely everything and I hadn’t yet done so with this. Do you know other Disney movies? Do you have more of these ideas? I want to hear them!”

“Uh, just a few,” Jungwoo glanced around but no one paid them any attention. He had watched every animated Disney movie, old or new, racist, sexist, or not, and he had an opinion on most. When he had been little, he had shared those opinions with his sisters. Before his mum had forbidden him from watching girls’ movies.

It had been in vain. She had done it so he wouldn’t turn into a gay. Jungwoo still liked men, but she had made an effort.

“Perfect. I’m especially excited to tell you my take on Beauty and the Beat because, yeah, it’s problematic but I love it. Did you choose?” Taeil asked, not having even looked at the drinks offered while the queue had moved.

“Yeah, I’ll take Matcha,” Jungwoo liked Matcha better than Green Milk Tea because it was a little sweeter, but it was still ‘manly’ enough.

He did realise how stupid that was.

Taeil rattled their order down and when the card reader flashed up, Jungwoo swiped his credit card in the blink of an eye.

The look of surprise and utter bafflement on Taeil’s face was enough to make him giggle for half an hour, and he wished he had made a photo in exactly that moment.

It was like sunshine after rain.

Jungwoo crumbled up his cigarettes before he threw them into the rubbish bin at Sindang station. It was really pathetic how he was doing this for the second time already, but this time, he wasn’t going to be dumb enough to believe they’d help him again.

This time, he’d not lose trust in Taeil. And in himself.

When he came home, Joohyun was already there, doing a facemask on the sofa while clicking through YouTube.

“Holy smoke, sweetie, I had worried you had gotten kidnapped or lost!”

“Sorry, I told you I was going to head home alone, right?”

“Of course, but do you realise how late it is?”

Jungwoo checked the time on his phone and was greeted with a pop-up message from Kakao.

_[Groupchat: HybrMed KU y.11]_

_Y’all change of plans, we gonna pop off the champagne tnght, meeting at Twelve in Cheongdam_

_Twelve as in the bar, not as in 12 pm_

_Meet at 9, Gihyeon got us a reservation _

Jungwoo had, very conveniently, forgotten he was to attend the celebration of ending the semester.

“Are you okay? You suddenly look very pale,” Joohyun asked, concern lacing her voice.

Jungwoo ripped his eyes from the screen and nodded.

“Just got a message we’re moving from the regular bar to Cheongdam. My credit card is going to take a serious hit.” He flopped down next to her even though he should be getting ready. Anam or Gangnam – that made a huge difference regarding how long getting ready would take.

“You sound like you don’t want to go, why not stay home?”

Jungwoo hesitated and considered. He didn’t really enjoy going partying, he didn’t like getting drunk and he wasn’t too fond of the people. Indeed, why not stay home?

“I don’t know. I mean, they’re all in my year, so I do want to keep good ties with them. They already think I’m kinda weird and kinda crazy because of some of my opinions. But they’d definitely go to the Karaoke after. I wanna sing… urgh, but I don’t wanna smoke or get wasted and I also don’t want anyone to make a mean comment about women or talk badly about Hybrids.”

“Okay, sweetie, and on top, we will order rainbows and sunshine for all of January and a unicorn.”

Jungwoo pouted and Joohyun laughed, patting his cheek.

“Your pout would melt reinforced steel, sweetie. But I can’t make your classmates any less sexist and narrow-minded. May I remind you, the whole point of going out is to get drunk?”

Jungwoo sighed because she was right.

“Maybe, it’d be better not to go.”

“I don’t have anything to do, and while I was planning to re-watch all of Michelle Phan’s videos, I might be swayed to watch something with you instead,” Joohyun smiled and squeezed his cheek.

Jungwoo tried to weigh the options. If he was fully honest, there was no good reason to go. Just the thought of the cold smoke made him twitch for something to put between his fingers. Not good when he was freshly off that again. Something uncomfortable always came up in conversations – be it girls, or Hybrids, or politics, there would be something gross said that’d make Jungwoo upset.

Here, he could sip maybe a bit of wine and watch maybe some Disney and think of Taeil while commenting on the plot with Joohyun…

“I’d like to stay. You’ll get a rain cheque for ditching Michelle, okay?” Jungwoo blinked at his friend, who laughed.

“Perfect. I can very much use that for one of those cursed department dinners where the men try to hit on me while degrading me at the same time. What do you want to watch?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	12. Chapter 12

There were a few things that, to Jungwoo, made time feel like it passed slower than a snail crossing a soapy piece of plastic.

When having to ring the bell in Cheongdam to see everyone again after two months, it had felt like the seconds between pressing it and Taeyong answering to let him in had been hours.

His rehearsed but still stuttered apology to Yuta, Taeyong, Doyoung, and Jaehyun had seemed to take days to finally press out and the moment of waiting while he bowed to show his honest regret had stretched for even longer until Yuta had slapped his back.

Each time, the moment of suffering had been worth it.

He had been let in, he had been forgiven.

It was the same for yoga. Holding still for two minutes turned them into twenty – depending on the pose. Easy seat? No problem. Hero? Harder, but fine. Cow? Oh, well, Jungwoo had plenty of experience bottoming. Warrior? Yep, his arms usually started tingling. Low lung? Urgh… Plank? Someone have mercy! Locus? Who on earth had been cruel enough to invent this?

At least someone had come up with the corpse, which was exactly what it sounded it was. It was Jungwoo’s favourite.

Moaning and whining about his muscles burning to the pleasant music from his playlist or not, Jungwoo loved how much the daily morning work-out helped him relax and de-stress. It was actually better and more effective than smoking. He should have kept it up after quitting the first time, but he hadn’t, he had just done it for a week and then found it too exhausting.

Now, he was in his third week, still going strong.

He felt like making it his new year’s resolution helped to really stay on track. Many people thought it was dumb to make them and everyone would be back to normal by February the latest. Jungwoo disagreed, he felt like it gave him more purpose when he had some special event a decision was tied to.

Joohyun had been next to him, the party around them coming to a short halt while the fireworks had been set off in Seoul’s sky, and had said she was finally going to raise her hand in seminaries when she knew the answer, instead of staying quiet and allowing the men to take the cake.

Jungwoo wouldn’t take the credit for her decision. Maybe, he had had a small impact on it? Mainly, he believed it was Jennie, who was to be thanked.

He got it. Joohyun hadn’t been able to push him back onto the right track even though she had tried.

Taeil had.

_[to: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 7:06 pm]_

_Got 45% on my paper in patient care and Hybrid psychology IV._

_[from: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 7:29 pm]_

_Oh, congrats, you passed, right?_

_I barely managed with my classes from course II on, really taunts my overall performance. My mother blacked it out in the copy of my certificate that she has hung up at home_

_[to: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 7:30 pm]_

_Thanks, I feel better now. _

_I expected it, but it still hit me. _

_[from: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 9:01 pm]_

_Don’t let them tell you you’re not great!! _

_Wait, if this is too creepy please ignore it._

_[to: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 9:02 pm]_

_It’s not ^^_

_[from: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 10:45 pm]_

_Okay, good. I have your contract for Lunar New year ready, I’ve just emailed it to you. Could you check it and send back within a week?_

_[to: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 10:46 pm]_

_Hyung, are you still working? It’s Friday!!_

_[from: Taeil-Hyung [sent: 11:02 pm]_

_Don’t worry, just finished. _

_You know they say, do something you love and you will never work a single day in your life hehe._

The lady in the scholarship office pursed her lips when she looked at Jungwoo’s print-out of his record.

“It’s the last of the subject, how come you suddenly failed it?”

“That’s why I’m here. I want to have it re-reviewed by a neutral party. I know I did my due diligence and met all the criteria to pass the course.”

She took a deep breath and her smile turned cold. Jungwoo’s stomach clenched and he could hardly hold her glare.

“You don’t trust our professors’ judgement?” She sounded condescending, as if she was talking to a dumb child, and Jungwoo internally curled up. He wanted to backtrack and deny it, but she wasn’t wrong.

He didn’t trust them. Not at all.

“I’d love to, but in this case, I believe I was treated unfairly. As you said, it’s the last of the subject and it’s the only one pulling my average down.”

“And you need the money?” she eyed Jungwoo’s clothes. It’d be so much easier to just leave and not deal with her, to somehow figure out a way to get a loan, get a job, even if it meant he could just drag himself through his courses instead of excelling in them.

He didn’t want to. He knew his rights, he knew she was just trying to get rid of him.

“I work very hard and I deserve the scholarship,” Objectively speaking, there was no shame in it, he could have pride in being good enough to meet all the criteria.

So, he tried to do that, having pride in himself and confidence.

“I’ll have it arranged. Your payments will be halted until the case is resolved,” she focussed on her computer again, as if to dismiss him, and Jungwoo turned in his spot to leave the office.

He had done the right thing, he had done everything within his powers.

There was still a chance it’d come back with the same result as he had gotten the first time. There was still a chance the next corrector would be just as set in their ideas of what a Hybrid was, what their emotional and cognitive capabilities were, and would write him off as a fanatic.

There was also a chance it wouldn’t. There was a chance the next person would acknowledge the work that had gone into the paper, would see the sources were legitimate and held water, supported his claims fully, and would give it the grade it deserved for the hours of work that had gone into it.

That or his scholarship would be gone.

Even if it would, he had at least stood up for both his beliefs and his rights. He had taken another step on the path of learning and he was determined to not get lost again.

_[from: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 4:32 pm]_

_Hi, got your contract back, thx for being so fast! _

_And thank you for helping out, again, it’s a huge relief!!_

_[to: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 4:33 pm]_

_I’m really looking forward to it. _

_I feel like Uni is some sort of brainwashing institution._

_[from: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 4:59 pm]_

_It kinda is, though._

_Speaking of, Doyoung said you were going to go to the uni library together tomorrow?_

_[to: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 5:00 pm]_

_Yeah, he asked if I could take him and I checked, it’s allowed._

_[from: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 6:14 pm]_

_Okay. I’m sure he’ll like it. _

_I hope no one will make any bad comments._

_ [to: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 6:15 pm]_

_I think he knows the risk, but he really wanted to go and I’m sure he’ll enjoy it._

_[from: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 6:57 pm] _

_I know, but I still worry!!!_

_You’ll be there, right?_

_[to: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 7:00pm]_

_I’ll take as good care of him as I can!!_

_[from: Taeil-Hyung] [sent: 7:34 pm]_

_You’re the only one I’d accept in co-parenting._

Jungwoo stared at his phone screen.

He waited for Taeil to backtrack. To say he hadn’t meant it creepily.

Taeil always assured Jungwoo he didn’t mean to make a move onto him in any way, shape, or form. He never said no-homo, how other guys did when they might accidentally overstep a line, but it was the closest thing to it.

Jungwoo wasn’t happy, but he accepted it. He was just Jungwoo, the former intern, still a pretty big coward and too self-centred most of the time.

Jungwoo was still very much a man and thus not a person to flirt with.

What Jungwoo felt for Taeil, there was no way those things would ever be reciprocated anywhere other than in his dreams. It was to be expected, he had known this going into it, so, he’d suck it up and be fine.

While Taeil still usually took a bit to answer, when he backtracked he was always incredibly fast. However, the screen turned dark after 10 minutes of inactivity, and there still hadn’t been a text that told him to not understand it that way. Jungwoo slowly started to breathe properly again and blinked at the newly painted wall, no longer tar-stained, to realise that, yes, Taeil wouldn’t trust just anyone to treat Doyoung well. But he would trust him. Kim Jungwoo.

His phone chimed and Jungwoo nearly flung it through the room in surprise.

This was going to be the text he had been expecting!

_[from: Ttyongie~~~] [sent: 7:47 pm]_

_Taeil-Hyung told us you were going to fill in for Sooyoung-Noona for New Year!!!!_

_Two weeks?!?!?!!?!?_

_[to: Ttyongie~~~] [sent: 7:49 pm]_

_Yeah, I will ^^_

_[from: Ttyongie~~~] [sent: 7:50 pm]_

_Sdjcbshv omg!!!!!! _

_I’ll make rice cakes for Tteokguk, do you want some for your family??????_

_They’ll already not have you for the week, right??? It could be a good gift???_

_If you make it, that is????_

_[to: Ttyongie~~~] [sent: 7:52 pm]_

_That’s okay, I don’t visit my family. ^^_

_[from: Ttyongie~~~] [sent: 7:53 pm]_

_What? Why? Everyone visits their family?? Even Taeil-Hyung!!!!_

_Are they too far away? You said you were from Gunpo?!???_

_[to: Ttyongie~~~] [sent: 7:57 pm]_

_My family doesn’t invite me anymore._

_[from: Ttyongie~~~] [sent: 7:58 pm]_

_Why? OMG, no, how could they not? Do they celebrate without you??????_

_[to: Ttyongie~~~] [sent: 8:00 pm]_

_There were some differences. _

_[from: Ttyongie~~~] [sent: 8:01 pm]_

_You shouldn’t be alone!!!!!!_

_Do you want to celebrate with us????? It’s Doie, Jaehyunnie, Yuta + me!!! We make lots of food and watch the Idol Star Olympics!!!!! It’s always really fun!!!!! It’s Jaehyunnie’s first time with us, too!!!!!! _

_[to: Ttyongie~~~] [sent: 8:05 pm]_

_I’d really love to_

_[from: Ttyongie~~~] [sent: 8:06 pm]_

_rbjshvbsjdvb_

_Okay! Okay! Really good!!! _

_I’m so relieved you won’t be alone!! _

_I’m also happy you’ll be there!!!!!_

_You can tell me if you like a certain food and I’ll make it!!!!!_

Jungwoo stared at the screen again, this time, there were actual tears in his eyes and he carefully dabbed them away.

He was no longer ashamed of them when he was alone. If he allowed himself to cry, it helped him deal with his emotions better.

Right now, it was tears of happiness. Those were rare, but they felt good, not burdening and draining how others usually did.

He had already been glad to have a good distraction for the holidays. He had lingered around Taeil’s place a bit too much over Chuseok, too, to not fall into that hole the holidays left in his life, when everything was stopped for a break that people spent with their loved ones.

Taeil had worked Chuseok, just how he’d work Seollal. He had said he only took Christmas off because no one else really would, so he wouldn’t have to worry over Hybrids finding a place to get treatment, and the ‘kids’ liked the Western traditions they decided to follow.

Jungwoo had already assumed Taeil would work New Year, so, he had subtly offered his help and when Taeil had asked him if he was serious and that he could definitely use it with Seulgi and Sooyoung both being on leave, Jungwoo had nearly sobbed in relief – and not only because he was a bit short on money due to the re-review situation with his paper.

Choseok had been hard, but it was only a week, it was only Chuseok.

Seollal was connected to so many more memories and traditions, it was two weeks of being reminded of all his insecurities.

To now get invited to spend the only day off with the Hybrids, instead of being alone and tempted to go back to all the option that’d help him forget and deal with how lonely he felt, was something he couldn’t have dreamt of.

Taeyong didn’t even make a huge deal out of it. No place to go? Come here. Like Jungwoo was part of the family, too.

Of course, he wasn’t.

But he was a friend. It felt like there really was this place to go when he needed to have someone there, to not go through life all on his own, how Taeil had offered.

Jungwoo was early by ten minutes, but he knew Doyoung would be early by 15, so, he wasn’t surprised when he rounded the corner of the cafeteria and saw the light blue coat of the bunny. He was bundled up, so no one seemed to take notice of him. Jungwoo still picked his pace up, almost running down the street. There was a heavy bag over his shoulder, filled with books that were due to return.

“Hey!”

“Hi, Hyung!” Doyoung eyed Jungwoo’s hair and wrinkled his nose. Jungwoo quickly ran a hand through it, knowing it’d hardly save the situation of bird’s next and out-grown roots.

“Did you wait for long?”

“No. Let’s be glad I was the one waiting, not you, or you’d have caught the flu… maybe worse,” Doyoung raised his eyebrows disapprovingly and Jungwoo sighed.

“I didn’t expect it to be so cold.”

“It’s January, though. Were Januarys in your experience more tropical? Are 20°C expected in Gunpo?”

“No,” Jungwoo was glad to open the door to the entrance hall of the main library. More people were lingering here than out in the freezing air. Jungwoo unclenched his arms from where he had tried to keep himself warm and Doyoung pulled his hat off and shook his hair out.

Jungwoo carefully scanned the crowd and a few were already staring. That had been quick. He wouldn’t be spared for even a second then.

It was fine. It was for Doyoung. This was Doyoung reality, for Jungwoo, it would just be a moment. He could be a little uncomfortable if it meant Doyoung would get to explore a library with academic publications he wouldn’t get access to any other way.

“I’ll have to return these, then we can go inside. You know you may only whisper inside and-“

“No drink, no food, no bad, no coats, yep.” Doyoung nodded and Jungwoo should have expected him to read the house rules.

“Pretty much.”

At the front desk, Jungwoo’s books were accepted without any hassle. It was also where Doyoung got his first dirty glare and then Jungwoo got one, too. The librarian pursed her lips and mumbled something under her breath.

Of course, Jungwoo had prepared for that. It still didn’t feel good and he didn’t want to provoke more of a reaction than absolutely unavoidable.

He didn’t want to dwell in self-pity over being labelled a pervert when this was the life Doyoung faced every day. He could handle it because he knew there was no reason to be embarrassed. He just had to radiate the confidence of knowing that he didn’t abuse Doyoung and would never do so. If other people assumed he had him for sex, shouldn’t be his concern.

It still kind of was because it really irked him. He also didn’t want to have Doyoung reminded of how badly the world treated him, even in a setting of allegedly educated people, who should know better and should be more accepting.

Jungwoo hurried to drag Doyoung away to the lockers, where they squeezed the appropriate winter wear, the Hybrid had been dressed in, and the inappropriate winter wear, Jungwoo had worn, into one and it beeped shut with the use of Jungwoo’s student ID.

“So, I made a plan in which order we’d best visit the sections to be time-efficient. You said your ID allowed you to borrow any book and in any quantity?” Doyoung softly announced while they walked to the doors to the holy halls.

“You did what?” Jungwoo nearly stumbled over his feet.

“It’s all online, Hyung, it’s really easy to find.”

“Oh. Yeah, I know the library website. Uh, yeah, we can get whatever you want. Where do you want to go? Maths sector, Physics sector, where else?”

“Yes, those two are the most important and they’re close, on the first floor, so I thought he should do them first. Are there many books here?”

“Yeah, I think so. I mean, there’d be more in the science branch but I don’t have access there.”

“Okay, okay, no issue, I’m sure it’s much too hard anyway! Anyway, since we’re here already, I also want to check some social studies and some chem and bio, also I thought maybe history and old Korean, I was also looking into English, so that, too, and also economics and geography, I thought if there was still time maybe to check some Astronomy books, but only if there’s still time.”

“I see how that might be an issue,” Jungwoo couldn’t stop the smile that spread on his face. It might be a little too much to really get done, but seeing how excited and eager Doyoung was, he couldn’t not grow a bit excited, too.

Doyoung had a sharp tongue, but he didn’t hide behind a mean front and made it his entire personality, how many people did. He smiled brightly now, and Jungwoo really saw how Taeil would want to keep this uncorrupted personality safe from the sometimes too cruel world.

They pushed the door open and the scent of books was heavy in the air here, the room lying in silence. Doyoung’s eyes were wide and he looked around curiously like he entered a fairytale castle.

Jungwoo let him pull ahead, not as familiar with the main library himself. The med branch was where he went usually, but Doyoung seemed to have no trouble finding his way around. He went straight to the staircase on the left and Jungwoo let him lead them to the maths section, where Doyoung gasped softly, before walking up to the shelves. He held himself back, but Jungwoo saw the spring in his step.

It was something so simple, something that was just so normal to him, but it wasn’t for Doyoung. Of course, he was still too young to be a university student, but it didn’t matter if Jungwoo brought him now or later, he’d never be an official one anyway.

Remembering that was humbling.

Jungwoo had issues and problems, but at least he was treated as a human and given these opportunities. He wanted to be more aware and more grateful for what he had.

Doyoung’s finger flew past book backs, from left to right, down a shelf and back the other way. Jungwoo wasn’t sure what the titles hinted was inside nor what Doyoung was looking for in the first place, but, occasionally, he halted and pulled one out. In those cases, he’d quickly checked the back and most of them went right back into the shelf, but a few ones made it to the basket they had picked up at the entrance.

They moved on to physics, to chemistry, and so on. Jungwoo texted Joohyun, who was doing their weekly grocery shopping today, to remind her of some essentials he had run out of, such as Quinoa. He had to make sure not to lose Doyoung from how quickly he was moving.

Even with Doyoung so thirsty for knowledge, Jungwoo was happy he, personally, was currently on break and would not have to brood over formulas and reactions. Only attendance courses were left before the semester would be officially over.

And the re-review of his paper was still open.

It was what bugged him the most and made him take more runs, do longer yoga sessions, or just squeeze the plushy key-charm because he didn’t have any nicotine to soothe the trembling in his fingers with.

Jungwoo really needed his scholarship. No scholarship, no degree, no Hybrid doctor.

Taeil had said he was rather optimistic it’d come back clear, but Jungwoo had never had something like this done before, he wouldn’t allow himself to hope before he had the proof on paper in front of his eyes.

Taeil had asked why he had the scholarship but hadn’t prodded when Jungwoo had said he couldn’t work enough to earn the money to pay for the exorbitantly expensive tuition. He already knew Jungwoo wasn’t in touch with his family, he had probably connected the dots.

It was a sore topic, one hard to explain without saying this word that Jungwoo didn’t want to let him know. Regardless of how easy to talk to over most topics, this one was one Jungwoo couldn’t open up to Taeil about, probably ever. So, he’d have to leave out his family as well, and thus his scholarship for the better part.

He knew there was no shame in getting financial support from an outside institution, objectively speaking, but with Taeil’s background, he couldn’t help being a little embarrassed for his own lack of funds, which was another reason why he didn’t like to speak about it.

They had worked their way through the better part of the shelves and Doyoung looked pleased with the heavy basket of books he had picked out.

“Do you mind going back to physics? I’d like to get something on astronomy since I still have time?” Doyoung whispered and Jungwoo nodded, so, they went upstairs again.

He found himself drifting off while staring at the fluffy tail that peeked out below the hem of Doyoung’s sweater a little.

Would Taeil already have finished for today? Taeil tended to do ridiculous over-hours. It wasn’t rare he’d still be working at 11 pm, reading publications, new guidelines published by the medical associations, or just browsing online forums where doctors exchanged opinions.

Good intentions or not, Taeil was a young doctor and still inexperienced. In his own office, he had no one to turn to go get advice from or leave harder tasks to. He was doing all of that work in self-teaching.

Jungwoo couldn’t help worry if he was doing too much. Even if you loved your job, a break was necessary from time to time.

On the other hand, Jungwoo tended to be up all night revising, too. He had always done that, at least since starting university, because there was so much ground to cover, so many things that might be asked in exams. Jungwoo wouldn’t be satisfied with anything below perfect – unless it was Hybrid psychology, obviously. Even there, his work had been throughout and meticulous. It had just been the content, that had ruined the grade.

In lights of that, he didn’t feel comfortable calling Taeil out too much. Jungwoo knew he had a perfectionistic streak, just like himself. He probably had worked late hours at uni, too, and just kept the work ethic, with the difference that Taeil probably hadn’t been dependent on having a high overall score in order to finish his studies successfully. It was his personality to always give 100%.

Not for the first time, Jungwoo’s thoughts wandered to Mrs Moon and her words on her husband. He wondered what fate he had met, to already have passed away. He wondered if Taeil still hurt, how long ago it had been.

It was hard to ask something like that, something so personal. As a good friend, Jungwoo was sure he would ask, especially nowadays when he allowed himself to have emotions.

The thing was, that Jungwoo wasn’t even sure what to call Taeil? They did friend-things, but Jungwoo still had feelings much stronger and deeper than platonic ones for him, and Taeil had called him a friend but he was the one keeping the professional distance up and now he was also going to be helping out, which made it even more confusing.

It was overall a little weird and Jungwoo wouldn’t deny it was probably due to interns usually finishing their internships and never being seen again unless to work more, not be over for lunch, go to Han river with the Hybrids, take the Hybrids to the library, or anything like this.

He knew he was nourishing stupid hopes. He didn’t even know what he wanted for himself. He didn’t really want to stay only friends forever, but he was terrified of the other options.

Just imagining Taeil’s occasional stares, that lasted too long or too focussed on Jungwoo’s lips, meant anything - it wouldn’t really change much, other than maybe the physical attraction not being one-sided. There were plenty of men who’d try to be with another for a night never to speak of it ever again. Jungwoo had a list of people whose names he wasn’t even allowed to say anymore because they had threatened literal murder would he ever out them.

In his head, of course, Jungwoo could just come up with some magical world where Taeil wouldn’t do any of that and continue his absurd fairy tale. Just imagining Jungwoo would be able to become the person he wanted to, able to stand up for the things he believed in, able to speak up for Hybrids, voice his own opinion, unscared of backlash and able to be himself, unapologetically. The main issue remained: Jungwoo was sure, the moment he fell into bed with Taeil, it’d be over.

He had fucked up all his relationships and his ex had rightfully not forgiven him for being a terrible boyfriend. There was no way he would be able to build a meaningful relationship with Taeil, he just wasn’t made to love, no matter how much he thought he might be going down that path of feelings for Taeil.

He’d just ruin everything!

So, staying friends was really the only option even though it left him longing for more.

“Hey, you here? Thought you studied medicine or something?”

Jungwoo was pulled back to reality from his musings and looked at a guy he remembered the given, but not the family name of. He put on a smile.

“Yeah, I do. Funny meeting you here,” was it funny? Jungwoo wasn’t sure. He was always confused, sometimes worried, when he met people anywhere other than where he expected to run into them. It made it harder to keep his image up. Especially now.

“I study Physics, dude. Well, you’re usually shitfaced, you probably don’t remember. It doesn’t really matter anyway.”

Jungwoo’s smile started to strain, “Sorry for forgetting.”

“It’s fine. Will you be there on Saturday? You’ve been around little,” Jungwoo felt the guy’s eyes drag up and down his body. It wasn’t even subtle. He was moving deliberately slowly, so Jungwoo was sure to notice.

What would have been like an invitation to do foolery, now was a little awkward. Especially in this setting!

Jungwoo, admittedly, had hooked up in the library before.

Not one of his prouder moments and not something he was going to repeat.

While he made absolutely sure no one but the girls Joohyun trusted knew of his preference, and his partners would never tattle because they were just as dependant on him keeping it a secret for them, the word still got around. If you wanted to find someone – be it to hook up or to date - it helped when others, that shared the secret, would give hints who’d be safe to approach.

It was like an underground network.

Jungwoo was sure he had a bit of a reputation lingering, so he couldn’t blame the guy for seeking him out like this. He could set things straight and avoid it happening in the future. He was off the market – for now. Until he figured the situation with Taeil out.

“I don’t think so, sorry.”

“Too bad, why not?”

“I’ve been busy,” Jungwoo tried to evade the question. Awkard and lack of interest on his side, the guy was still hot and Jungwoo was still scared of confrontation.

From the corner of his eye, he realised Doyoung had finished and came over. The Hybrid stopped next to Jungwoo, and the guy’s eyes were immediately on him.

Jungwoo felt panic rise.

No, no, no, no!

“Oh, _busy_, I see. How cute, does it help you get books? Does it know how to read?”

“Why, do you need help with that?” Doyoung snapped back, not missing a beat. Fast reaction or not, it must feel degrading and awful. Jungwoo wanted to turn back time and send the guy away before he could have seen Doyoung, have said a word to him.

“Sassy, I like that. You know, they say they’re like girls - if it’s keeping you away, you can bring it and I know we can make it work,” the guy winked and Jungwoo felt bile rise in his throat.

Taeil had asked him to keep Doyoung safe. Jungwoo was greatly failing his task right here. He was proving once more why he was nowhere up to par with Taeil.

Jungwoo was so annoyed with himself and his endless cowardliness, he was so disgusted with the behaviour, all the thoughts over not wanting to cause trouble suddenly were silent.

So what, if the guy thought he was crazy?

This was the line that Jungwoo didn’t want to see crossed. Losing all respect for the other made speaking up easier, especially since he had done it a few times by now.

With Doyoung right here, his priorities were so clear, he didn’t even hesitate to let a venomous tone bleed into his whisper.

“You don’t get to talk to him like that. He’s a person, not an object to use ‘it’ on, and he’s here to find books for himself to read and learn, not be objectified, name-called, and harassed. Apologise!”

The guy’s eyes widened but Jungwoo was able to hold his gaze and glare back. He was pissed!

“Okay, okay, dude, chill, I was just saying. Didn’t know you had become a weirdo.”

“Between the two of us one bringing someone to advance in their education and the other opening up about their sick sexual fantasies and superiority complex over other people, I don’t see how I end up being the weirdo.” Jungwoo was glad he was whispering, or the other would have been able to hear his voice tremble and it becoming thick with tears.

He hated saying these words, he didn’t enjoy these confrontations, but he knew he couldn’t back down and be the nice guy others could walk over.

“Now you made it sound gross. But sorry, I guess. I won’t be seeing you on Saturday, then.” The guy waddled off and Jungwoo had to take a very deep breath to not immediately burst into tears.

That had been a terrible apology!

“Are you done?” he asked Doyoung, whose eyes were still round and wide. He nodded mutely.

Taeil would probably never again say he’d trust Jungwoo with his kids.

The door opened easily and the front was almost overwhelmingly loud. Jungwoo was still fighting tears and everything in his chest felt tight and uncomfortable. He knew a smoke would help him relax. Jungwoo nearly screamed at his own brain for reminding him of that now. He really didn’t need to feel even worse!

“Thanks, Hyung. I don’t think anyone ever apologised to me, so, that was new,” Doyoung softly announced.

“I should have sent him away the moment he talked to me. I’m sorry you had to hear that,” Jungwoo muttered and couldn’t even face Doyoung, feeling so disgusted by how everything had gone down.

“It’s fine, I get that a lot, you can’t help people who just enjoy being low-situated body-openings. I really like the apology, I appreciate you made him do that and I’m surprised he actually did it. He must be terrified of you, so don’t feel bad, okay? He’s just a low-situated body-opening we should not waste a second thought on.”

“A low-situated body-opening?” Jungwoo carefully repeated and swiped his card to open the locker.

“We try and avoid strong language. Taeyong thinks it’s more sophisticated to swear less. So.”

Jungwoo still felt bad for what had happened, however, he couldn’t stop himself from chuckling over the word-creation.

“If you’re really fine?”

Doyoung nodded and smiled at him.

“So, you’re usually to go wild at parties? I’m not surprised.”

“Oh my god, no! Don’t tell Taeil-Hyung anything weird!”

“Oh?” Doyoung’s grin grew wider, “There’s weird things to tell? Such as?”

“There are none,” Jungwoo huffed and Doyoung looked a little too mischievous pulling his hat on for him to be comfortable. Taeil already knew about his smoking – he didn’t want him to know about his escapades with both alcohol and sex. Jungwoo was quite ashamed of them himself.

Though, Doyoung was probably too young to know those things happened when you went to party in the right clubs and bars.

“I’ll consider it if you feed me. I’m hungry.”

Jungwoo nodded hastily. He really didn’t want Doyoung to blow anything out of proportion and embarrass him in front of Taeil, even if it was something small. He didn’t want to seem more immature than he already was.

Eating was always a good idea, anyway. Jungwoo was constantly hungry. It had been numbed by smoking but even then he had usually eaten 10 meals a day.

However… “I haven’t brought any money, though. And I also don’t know if takeaway food would be great for you. Do you mind coming to my flat? I made kimchi two days ago,” Jungwoo suggested.

“You need a victim to taste test? Should I make my will prior?” Doyoung asked and groaned when he swung the bag with the book over his shoulder.

“I already tested it, you’re over-dramatic,” Jungwoo hoped they could hurry because the air that hit him when they exited the library was brutally cold.

“I’m not,” Doyoung huffed loudly, “I’m the right amount dramatic. I will not let someone who left their flat in a hoodie and scarf tell me something else.”

“It’s not far to my home, it’s totally fine,” Jungwoo argued, knowing it was not totally fine.

“You have a roommate, don’t you? You mentioned him once. Is he fine with me coming?” Doyoung carefully asked.

“Oh, it’s a girl, woman, actually. She won’t have anything against you, she only dislikes men who inappropriately flirt with her or tell her she…” Jungwoo stopped himself. He wasn’t going to tell Doyoung Joohyun hated when men told her she wasn’t good enough for study engineering.

“She…?”

“Well, anything disrespectful. So, you’ll be fine. Up here,” Jungwoo turned the street to ascend the small hill on which their house was.

“What is considered disrespectful, to her?” Doyoung asked carefully. Jungwoo glanced over. It was so clearly something Taeil must have taught Doyoung, it had Taeil’s ways written all over it, only altered into a slightly blunter and more naïve Doyoung-version, from how he asked.

“There’s many people telling her she’s unfit for her field. Speaking of, she studies electrical engineering.”

“Oh! No way!” Doyoung perked up in clear interest, “That’s really cool! Would she be fine if I told her so, or might that be considered disrespectful?”

“No, not at all. Don’t worry, Doyoung, I didn’t mean to scare you. I think you wouldn’t even consider the things she takes issue with.”

“Ah, now I got you, you mean she suffers from discrimination arising from institutionalised misogyny? That must suck. But that’s actually a relief. I mean, I don’t spend that much time with people outside of Heaven and I don’t feel like I should, but I guess I miss some social skills.”

“But you no longer are jealous of Jaehyun, are you? So I think you made a lot of progress,” Jungwoo beamed.

“I wasn’t jealous of Jaehyun, what are you talking about?” Doyoung snorted but there was a faint blush spreading over his cheeks, “I just… didn’t uh, like how he was stealing everyone’s time. Especially Taeyong- Hyung. That’s not being jealous.”

“It kind of is, though?” Jungwoo carefully tried because that was essentially the definition of jealousy, wasn’t it? “Anyway, this is us.”

The flat was silent, but Jungwoo knew Joohyun was home because her fluffy boots were in their place.

“Welcome?” he suddenly felt a little nervous introducing Doyoung to his home. No one else had been here, well, none of his ‘friends’, he never invited anyone.

“Thanks. By the way, I didn’t expect you’d actually feed me but I wasn’t going to say no because it’s six-thirty and I usually eat now. Your flat is _so_ clean, holy cow, I didn’t expect that!” Doyoung eyed the living room, inviting himself right in while Jungwoo struggled to get his winter coat onto a hanger.

“Do I even want to know what you were imagining? Some lion den?” Jungwoo won his fight against the wool-fabric and followed. Their flat was clean, very much so, maybe a little bare and there was a chance there might still be the catalogue from the Adam and Eve shop he and Joohyun had gone through to figure out if they’d find enough to do a shipping-free order. Good god, Doyoung couldn’t see that!

He threw himself between Doyoung and the kitchen counter and hastily grabbed everything on there, women’s magazines and mangas included, and dumped it into the paper bin. He could rescue it from there later.

“Honestly, kinda? I only have Taeil-Hyung’s place to base it off on.”

Jungwoo closed the door of the rubbish and straightened back up.

“Taeil-Hyung’s place is clean, though, isn’t it?”

Doyoung started laughing and shook his head.

“That would be Taeyong-Hyung and me cleaning up,” he explained before starting to inspect the bananas on the counter.

Jungwoo thought back and tried to imagine Taeil without his Hybrids, living in chaos. It was weird at first but then he remembered the state of Taeil’s desk and his files and all his paperwork and… yeah, he could see it.

“I’m not as surprised as I thought I would be. So, do you want to try the Kimchi? I have some more side dishes I bought at the market recently, as well as some tofu, so I think we’ll be eating well.”

“I’m curious now, I want to try it and see if it’s as good as mine,” Doyoung had rounded the counter and was by Jungwoo and the fridge when the door to Joohyun’s room opened.

“Oh! I thought I had heard someone?” her eyes landed on Doyoung and she looked him up and down, confusion on her face.

“Ah, this is Joohyun, my roommate, Joohyun, this is Doyoung, he’s one of the Hybrids from my internship I told you about.”

Doyoung had straightened up and looked very proper with his button-up tucked into his jeans and hair re-fluffed after taking his head off.

“Ah, yes, I think I know?” Joohyun’s reserved face turned into a small smile and she came over.

Doyoung quickly bowed and she returned the greeting, though not going as deep and not holding it for as long.

“Nice to meet you, I hope you’re fine with me eating here?” Doyoung asked, sounding a little unsure. Jungwoo thought his lack of social skills might especially apply to getting to meet people, after all, there weren’t many new people to meet at Taeil’s flat.

He sure as hell had not shown great social skills when Jungwoo had first come. Then again, Jungwoo also hadn’t been a very good person when he had first come.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll head out in half an hour anyway. Was the library a success, did they take my book or as there any difficulties?”

“No, none. They never check your id when you return them, no one even noticed, I think.” Jungwoo reassured her.

“Good,” Joohyung’s eyes landed on Doyoung again, who was gnawing on his lower lip, looking like he wanted to say something but too shy. How untypical! However, it worked in his favour because Joohyun let her guard down a bit and her smile grew more genuine. “Jungwoo told me you came with him. Did you like it?”

“Yes!” Doyoung burst out, nodding enough to make his ears move with his hair, “I love the public library, but this obviously doesn’t compare, it’s like a paradise-land. Hyung said you studied electrical engineering, right?”

Joohyun had a soft look on now, the small outbreak of enthusiasm clearly having affected her.

“That’s correct, I’ll be in my fifth semester next month. Have you heard of it?”

“Yes, of course! Maths and physics are my favourite subjects, they’re so amazing to me because you can describe our whole universe using their theories. Do you want to work at a corporation and invent new technologies to help people when you’re done? Or go into research? Academically, I mean?” Doyoung’s initial shyness had blown away and Jungwoo opened the fridge, feeling reassured that it’d be fine.

He suddenly realised he hadn’t even asked anyone for approval of keeping the Hybrid for dinner. No, Doyoung surely had already told them. Still, he’d reconfirm him just to make sure once he and Joohyun were done talking. He wouldn’t want Taeil to have to worry where Doyoung might be.

“Yes, I’d really like to stay at university. I hope I’ll find a good job, it’s always a bit hard as a woman. Where do you learn physics and maths? Those aren’t the typical favourite subjects.”

“They aren’t? Why not?” Doyoung looked genuinely confused. Jungwoo guessed he had never been to a state school and had never had any friends who went either, so he wouldn’t necessarily know. Maybe from novels? But perhaps he wasn’t interested in reading from the perspective of your typical human teenager. What would be relatable to other humans, wouldn’t be to him. Jungwoo understood because he had also never really liked reading when the guy would fall in love with a girl.

“I guess because many teachers only have one way of explaining them and that wouldn’t work for every student,” Joohyung explained, “but it also seems like it’s a trend to hate maths just for the sake of it.”

“How sad. Well, I think it’s really cool you study engineering. I hope you’ll succeed and find a very good job, one that won’t discriminate as much,” Doyoung nodded to reinforce his words.

“Thank you, I really appreciate that you’d ask me about it, that doesn’t happen a lot. You know, if you ever get stuck somewhere along the lines of induction, resistance, or anything of the likes, let Jungwoo give you my number and I’ll try and help you out, alright?”

Doyoung’s eyes lit up like small Christmas trees, it was so adorable, especially considering his dry sarcasm that Jungwoo was on the receiving end of so often.

“Thank you! That’s so kind, I really, really appreciate it, I… yeah, that’d be awesome!”

Jungwoo had stacked all the side dishes and the tofu on the counter by now, feeling like both a proud best friend and a proud approved co-guardian at the same time from how wonderfully the two seemed to hit it off.

“Are you sure you’ll go out?” he asked, knowing Joohyung might have used it as an excuse to leave and not deal with men she didn’t like.

“Actually, yes. I have a date with Jennie. I mean… a dinner date. With my friend. We’ll have dinner together.” She cleared her throat and her smile became strained. Jungwoo felt slightly nervous for her and glanced at Doyoung, who had started to inspect the dishes and didn’t seem to have noticed the slip of tongue, “Right, so, I’ll be getting ready. Have fun, you two.”

“Right. So, this is my kimchi,” Jungwoo opened the box the sour scent was slightly worryingly strong.

Doyoung’s nose twitched but he leaned forward to take another sniff.

“Seems edible.”

Jungwoo couldn’t hold the relieved and happy chuckle at such a mediocre judgement.

“Well, let’s see what we can get done here, shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)  
Twitter: @155Fox


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, yeah, so, I screwed up while doing my outlining for this bc I used the 2012 date of Lunar new year, which was Jan 23rd, but this is already 2013, when it was Feb 10th, and just changing it doesn’t work bc Doyoung’s birthday is on the 1st of February and it wouldn’t make sense aaaaah! Anyway, I hope you can look past this inaccuracy ;;;

When he asked Taeil if Doyoung had said anything odd, all Taeil texted back was that he had praised him for stepping in when someone had been rude and he also thanked Jungwoo for making true of his promise – and also the food.

“Sometimes, I wonder if you just quit smoking again to do stronger drugs now,” Jennie commented from where she was chopping onions – and crying uncontrollably.

“Honey, don’t be mean, look how cute he is!”

Jungwoo turned the screen off and buried his phone in the sofa pillows.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jennie smirked.

“Really? Because I’ve kept thinking about the mysterious man who was suddenly in front of Repetto with you, you know, when we lost our valued _gay shopping assistant_?”

“I already told Joohyun, it was nothing, we just talked,” Jungwoo’s face radiated heat.

“I know that’s what you told me, but I hope to know you better than to believe that obvious lie! I’m hurt you’d expect me to fall for that,” Joohyun didn’t sound resentful, but Jungwoo felt a bit bad regardless.

“Exciting!” Jennie giggled, “He looked cute, not exactly your normal type, but I didn’t expect any of the pretty boys to manage to turn your head like that. How much older than you is he?”

“Four years,” Jungwoo muttered into the pillow. Obviously, Joohyun and Jennie wouldn’t know this was Taeil, his boss… ex-boss? Again-boss?

He had shown pictures of the Hybrids, but not of him. It hadn’t even been on purpose, but now, it felt like he was misleading them if he pretended he had just met Taeil through Grindr or something.

“That’s not too much, I don’t think,” Joohyun sounded approving.

“Are you back in touch? Are you making any progress on getting together? It’s him why you quit smoking, right? The first and the second time?” Jennie finished the onions and started scrubbing her hands before she cleaned her face, taking off the smudged make-up in the kitchen sink.

“Yeah, we are. Turns out there were some… misunderstanding and stuff. But, I don’t think there’s any hope. He’s straight, I believe, and he always makes sure it’s just platonic,” he was a little miffed admitting this, but he also wouldn’t gain anything by lying.

Joohyun hummed, while Jennie laughed, “So is spaghetti until it gets wet.”

“Great, you know what else spaghetti, _hard_ spaghetti, does when it gets wet?” Jungwoo tried to distract from the topic a bit, unsure what else he should say when he himself was still completely confused what he wanted.

“Ladies and Gents, let’s stay serious for a moment. I thought he looked genuinely worried. I don’t know what you were talking about, but he seemed to really care for you, but that’s just my observation. What does he work as? Where did you meet him? Are you sure he is to be trusted? It’s always a little risky, I need to know you’re safe.”

Jungwoo nervously laughed, but it only gave him away because now Joohyun put down her knife and fixed him in a glare.

“Well, he’s a Hybrid doctor and I met him at my internship?”

“That’s your _boss_?” Jennie gasped, jerking up from where she was still over the sink.

“Oh, sweetie, you fell in love with your boss?” Instead of telling him how absolutely terrible an idea this was, Joohyun looked so understanding and soft, Jungwoo had trouble to ignore how much he wanted to act on these feelings, how much he wanted to have what he didn’t know how to achieve with Taeil.

“Possibly,” Jungwoo quietly admitted, “I know, we had a deal, sorry.”

“Never be sorry for your feelings!” Joohyun and Jennie both said in unison and Jungwoo felt tears rise, both from being confused and unsure, and from this support that freed him and reassured in what he couldn’t control.

When they said it like that, it meant more than only him not having to worry about an agreement he might have made and that might still be valid to some degree. The words didn’t only apply for Jungwoo, but to themselves as well, to anyone who felt an attraction that wasn’t what society dictated for them. They were all in this together, they only had each other to encourage and remind them it was okay to feel something other than society’s standard-issued love.

“It’s something entirely different, sweetie, of course, our deal doesn’t extend to love! Besides, your internship is over anyway. Just forget about it! It suddenly makes so much sense why you went to the library with the bunny Hybrid. It’s his, right?” Joohyun asked.

“Yeah, Doyoung.”

“Right, sorry, Doyoung, you went with Doyoung, the maths-sweetheart. Could we help you in any way? Is there any chance he might not be straight?”

“No, I don’t think so, but thank you.”

Jennie tapped her chin, “I know it’s touchy and the whole coming-out sucks, but I feel so inclined to do something. My girlfriend’s best friend’s first love, so exciting.”

“I appreciate it. I just… I don’t even know if I want a relationship with him. I don’t exactly have a good record when it comes to those. Never mind everything else. I think I’ll just work on becoming a better person first and trying to figure out where things go. I really appreciate it, though.”

“Hmh. That’s a very mature thing to do. Caring about yourself first is the foundation any relationship should be built on. I understand your worries, too. But, believe me, when you’re in love, it’s different. You might have made bad experiences in the past, but you deserve another shot at it, to see how it can be, how magical and wonderful,” Joohyun said, but she looked at Jennie, who returned her loving gaze. Jungwoo turned away and let his phone screen light up, knowing the conversation was over for now.

Jungwoo could imagine it was different if you were in love.

He could so very well.

It didn’t change that he was convinced he’d absolutely fuck it up, but it changed almost everything else.

Even a simple game of mafia.

With his break having started, there was no reason why not to make the trip over the Han River on a nice winter Sunday, the week before New Year.

Jungwoo had kept away from most meetings and all the evenings of drinking and smoking.

He had his Yoga routine and regular runs, which he had found another guy that always ran the same track as him and around the same speed, who he might consider a running-buddy but didn’t even know the name of. He still liked him better than half his class. With the break in full swing, many of them were home or working a job to pay for tuition, so it was easy to avoid them because everyone else was busy as well.

His circle was slowly thinning out, to the point that he was alone on the sofa more nights than he was comfortable with, feeling lonely. It wasn’t that he missed these people, not at all, he just missed having company.

This time, he’d be strong and get through it, he’d not betray himself again and return to hurtful behaviour. This time, he’d not be an idiot and he’d accept Taeil’ invitation to flee the loneliness when Joohyun couldn’t babysit him.

After a day of games, a night alone wasn’t that terrible. On the contrary. He usually still felt happy while watching a generic love-story on tv or surf the internet, even if the room was empty save for himself.

“Everyone, please close your eyes. Night has fallen,” Jaehyun announced and Jungwoo dropped his head between his arms.

He hadn’t played mafia without alcohol and drinking games weaved into the story in forever, but he was quite confident in his ability to still play well.

Taeyong next to him wiggled around so much, he bumped into Jungwoo’s arm over and over, but he didn’t really care. He tried to listen to Jaehyun’s walking pattern to determine whom he might make the mafia. They had agreed to play a simple version without too many extra roles because there already were too few players. He stopped twice, maybe to distract, and Jungwoo guessed he had either made Yuta or Taeil the mafia because that was where he stopped, when he felt Jaehyun tap his back.

Huh. So it was on him.

“Okay, the mafia should please wake up now,” Jaehyun sounded excited. He was in the role of the game master for the first time today, according to how Jungwoo had understood the others. It was typical he’d be over-joyed, Jaehyun was easily excitable and it was just another one of his charms.

Jungwoo rose his head and blinked to adjust to the brightness for a moment.

Jaehyun was on the vacant end of the table, his tail moving quickly and nibbling on the game-master card he kept.

Jungwoo smiled his direction before he let his eyes drag over the group on the table. He made sure to keep his arm in place, so Taeyong would keep bumping into it.

Mafia was something Jungwoo had often won, in the role of the criminal or the citizen alike. Lying and pretending? He was good at both. He didn’t usually here, but this was for the sake of a game.

A game he didn’t want to lose because he hated losing.

Taeil hated losing as well. Jungwoo wondered how serious he got when it came to playing. He knew Taeil could be very harsh and direct, to the point of being brutally truthful when working, but he wasn’t like that in private.

A game might make him show a different side, though. Jungwoo shouldn’t underestimate him, but he was more worried over Doyoung.

He guessed Doyoung would be a strong player. He was smart and he was relentless. Jungwoo would call him the strongest opponent, especially because Doyoung would absolutely not cut him any slack if he so much as got a whiff of the possibility of Jungwoo being the mafia.

For Taeyong, he didn’t worry too much. Taeyong was blunt, but he was also very trusting and kneen on having everything peaceful and calm – even more than Jungwoo himself.

Lastly, there was Yuta. Yuta was hard to judge. He was also not consistent. There were weeks during which he was extremely alert and quick, and there were weeks during which he was a bit calmer. He was a mystery.

Jungwoo pointed at Doyoung and looked at Jaehyun, who mouthed the bunny’s name. Jungwoo nodded in confirmation and betted his head back onto the table.

“Everyone, please wake up, it’s morning. Tonight, unfortunately, Doyoung-Hyung was killed,” Jaehyun announced and Doyoung groaned and looked around the table. His eyes caught on Yuta and he narrowed them. Yuta smiled back. He probably assumed Yuta to be the mafia, but as a killed member, he was no longer allowed to speak.

“So, what did you do last night, what’s your alibi?” Taeyong looked at Yuta, obviously having noticed Doyoung suspecting him. There was little that Taeyong would miss, Jungwoo suddenly remembered. He hadn’t put that into consideration, but he wouldn’t have changed his mind, he was sure Taeyong was still easier to deceive than Doyoung.

“What, me? I’m just a civilian!” Yuta gasped and held his chest like he was deeply wounded by the accusation.

“That’s easy to claim,” Taeil eyed the Hybrid, who glared right back.

“I think we should ask _you_ what you did. You always kill Doyoung first when you’re mafia, I think you’re extremely suspicious.” Yuta complained.

“Yes, that’s right!” Taeyong nodded and now turned to Taeil as well. Jungwoo stored that piece of information away for later use and decided to chime in to not make himself look suspicious by staying silent:

“I think Taeil-Hyung immediately doubted Yuta because he’s the mafia.”

“Oh, direct accusations? Interesting, but so easy to turn around. You’re the first to title someone mafia, so, wouldn’t it make sense you are?” Taeil raised an eyebrow and Jungwoo’s competitive nature got egged on even more because of how his heart raced with Taeil’s eyes directly on him.

“Eh? Me?” Jungwoo pretended to be surprised and he saw Taeil watch closely, but his initial confidence immediately faltered when Jungwoo didn’t admit to it, “No, I’m not.”

“I just think this serves Jungwoo-Hyung’s point, you’re trying awfully hard to deflect, Hyung,” Yuta grinned.

“Wait! What about you?” Taeyong suddenly seemed to remember his initial suspect had been the beagle.

“Doyoung-Hyung, you can’t cheat! Taeil-Hyung, tell Doyoung-Hyung he can’t give Taeyong-Hyung hints,” Jaehyun suddenly interrupted.

Jungwoo looked over to the bunny whose eyes were wide, “I didn’t! I was just sitting here!”

Taeil sighed.

“Doyoung, please sit behind Taeyong.”

Doyoung grumbled something about unfair treatment and pulling favourites, but he moved to sit behind the cat.

“Well, I found Yuta suspicious, to begin with. It wasn’t Doie doing anything. Yuta always switches whom he kills first and he killed me last time and Taeil-Hyung the time before that, so, it’d make sense to kill Doie today.”

“What? Why wouldn’t I kill Jungwoo-Hyung then? I literally never killed him before! I’m innocent!” Yuta lamented.

“I still think Jungwoo’s suspicious,” Taeil fixed Jungwoo in a stare and Jungwoo easily held it, keeping a slightly confused expression as his poker face

“I’m not, really, I’m a civilian,” Jungwoo assured him and Taeil finally faltered.

“I don’t think it’s Jungwoo-Hyung, or he’s a really good actor, like, scary good. I think it’s Taeil-Hyung!” Yuta repeated himself.

“On second thought, Yuta, you did not kill Doyoung first in a while, did you?” Taeil hit back.

“See? I’m onto something here!” Taeyong triumphantly clapped his hands.

“I agree with Yuta, Taeil-Hyung’s very busy accusing everyone to distract from himself,” Jungwoo added to fuel the argument. They wouldn’t be killing anyone at the end of the day to avoid the game ending after just one round. Instead, everyone would have to guess and it’d be turned into points by the end. Doyoung was still staring at Yuta like he expected to be able to read his mind by just glaring hard enough.

A beep ripped through the conversation and Jaehyun scrambled with his phone until it ended.

“Okay, the day is over. Everyone, write down who you think is the mafia,” He announced and Jungwoo sunk onto the table to hide his piece of paper and pretended to be writing before turning the empty slip in with Jaehyun.

He’d be wise in keeping Taeyong. He might be observant, but his trusting nature made him the easiest player. Between Taeil and Yuta, Taeil had been the one much more insistent it’d be him who was the mafia, but it had been interesting to try and mislead him and Jungwoo was quite sure he had succeeded in doing so.

If he killed Taeil, Taeyong wouldn’t budge from suspecting Yuta, he was sure of that. Yuta might start suspecting him, but Jungwoo likely would be able to make him believe it was Taeyong who was the mafia.

Definitely easier than making Taeil believe so, especially when Taeyong’s main suspect would suddenly be missing and the cat would possibly start to suspect him as well.

However, he could use that no one had suspected Taeyong yet, or point out that Taeil would have obviously killed Yuta as the one that suspected him the most, while he had no reason to kill Yuta at all.

No reason other than to have Taeil stare him down.

And, maybe, win despite choosing the much more difficult path.

God, why was he like this?

“Okay, everyone, please go to sleep,” Jaehyun announced and Jungwoo hid his face how he had the first time.

He had to decide now, kill Yuta or kill Taeil. Easy and relatively safe win or Taeil’s burning gaze.

“Mafia, please wake up.”

Jungwoo rose from the table and noticed Doyoung’s eyes widening. He shot him a smile before catching Jaehyun’s attention. The other pointed at Taeil with the question unspoken but clear, and Jungwoo shook his head and gestured at Yuta.

Jaehyun blinked, before mouthing “Are you sure?” but Jungwoo was. He was very sure.

Doyoung had his eyebrows furrowed and arms crossed, but he looked like he, too, found this a much more interesting turn of events.

“Okay,” Jaehyun announced and Jungwoo hid on the table once more.

“It’s morning. Tonight, Yuta-Hyung as been killed. Unfortunately, been killed, I mean.”

Yuta’s eyes widened and he stared at Taeil accusatorily but scooted backwards silently.

Jungwoo followed his movements, but he felt Taeil’s eyes on him.

“Wait, it wasn’t you?” Taeyong sounded as confused as Jungwoo would have expected.

He turned to Taeil, a surprised expression on his face. Managing just to confuse Taeyong would already be enough. If Taeyong didn’t suspect him, he’d not lose because he was confident there had been no one suspecting him in the first round.

Not losing wasn’t enough, though. His main goal was to trick Taeil as well and win.

He was going to play by every trick of the book.

“So I was right! It’s Taeil-Hyung who’s mafia!” Jungwoo looked between Taeyong and Taeil, “Yuta suspected him, so, he killed him.”

Taeyong seemed to follow his reasoning and turned to Taeil, who shook his head.

“I’m not, though. Jungwoo, why didn’t you kill me?”

“Me? I’m a civilian. I’m not mafia. Wait. Taeyong, are you the mafia?”

Jungwoo turned to Taeyong.

“Me?” Taeyong laughed, looking like he had actually been caught in a lie when Jungwoo knew he hadn’t. He felt a little bad for throwing him under the bus, but winning was his priority right now.

“Yeah, actually, Jungwoo would have killed me, right?” Taeil eyed Taeyong as well and Jungwoo shrugged.

“No, I’m not mafia!” Taeyong gasped, realising he was really under suspicion now, “It has to be Taeil-Hyung, Jungwoo-Hyung! It makes the most sense!”

Jungwoo wrinkled his nose, “I mean, I guess…”

Taeil laughed, “Are you kidding? I’m not, I’m a civilian, which one of you is trying to kid me?” He looked between Taeyong and Jungwoo, but started to get more confused by the second when they both looked back at him with pleading eyes to take their side.

Finally, he decided on Jungwoo, “Taeyong’s not that good an actor, it has to be you!”

“Yeah, but,” Jungwoo saw Taeil’s point, he hadn’t considered that Taeyong, as a genuinely innocent party, would obviously sell his part well – and that he might not be able to lie when he didn’t normally, “As you said, I would have killed you because you’re the only one suspecting me, that doesn’t make sense, right? Because I’m not mafia! If you’re actually a civilian, it’d have to be Taeyong.”

Taeyong shook his head a bit too wildly and Jungwoo felt bad that he seemed to start to become extremely confused, but he had to try and sell it to Taeil before the time was up.

“I’m innocent,” Taeyong repeated.

“Well, so am I!” he insisted. It was important to not give up and repeat it enough times until he almost believed it himself, “This doesn’t make any sense, the only explanation is, that it was Taeyong. Or Taeil-Hyung.”

“Yes, Taeil-Hyung’s the mafia!”

“No, I’m not, then it’s you.”

“But I’m a civilian!”

Before Taeil could point out that so was he, the alarm beeped.

“Okay, okay, time is over,” Jaehyun sounded a bit out of breath and his eyes were wide as saucer plates. Jungwoo noticed Doyoung was on the edge of his chair, watching intently, but knowingly, while Yuta was still confused.

“Please write down whom you suspect to be the mafia and then we can solve it.”

Jungwoo leaned down to write a heart onto the piece of paper for Jaehyun.

When he passed it to the game master, he noticed Taeil was staring at him again and a shiver ran up his spine.

Taeil was handsome when he smiled, like a sunbeam of good mood and gentleness. This, this wasn’t gentle, it was aggressive and intense. It made his skin tingle.

“Okay, so, I already looked at the first round and during the first round, two people said Yuta-Hyung was the mafia. And now, we have, uh, Taeil-Hyung and… Taeyong-Hyung.”

“But I’m innocent!” Taeyong squeaked.

“It was Jungwoo,” Taeil interrupted, “Damn, I should have known! You’re so good, I ignored my better judgement. I’m genuinely a little scared.”

“I never thought it was him for a single second. I was so sure it was Taeil-Hyung and he was trying to make Jungwoo-Hyung think it was me!” Taeyong gasped.

“Well, yes, it was Jungwoo-Hyung, but I didn’t think it’d end like this either.” Jaehyun was still talking in his over-excited voice.

“I feel honoured I was killed first, even though it’s starting to become an issue because everyone always kills me first,” Doyoung commented.

“If Doyoung survives, he’s always an immediate suspect!” Yuta laughed.

“True, he doesn’t normally make it to round two and if he does, we know he’s it.” Taeyong joined and Doyoung sighed loudly.

They started getting up to clean up the sheets of paper and decide on the next game, but Taeil stayed and Jungwoo felt inclined to as well.

“Why didn’t you kill me? You would have been sure to win because Taeyong thought it was Yuta and I was the one who suspected Yuta, so, he would have killed me and Taeyong wouldn’t have budged from that. Yuta, on the other hand, wouldn’t have suspected you after already declaring you innocent in the first round. You could have tricked him into believing it’s Taeyong far easier.”

Jungwoo shrugged, “More fun. More of a challenge. And I still won, didn’t I?” he grinned.

Taeil huffed, “Goddamn you did. I’m so pissed, I’ll kick your ass in the next game.”

“You can try,” Jungwoo felt his fingers twitch, his skin prickling in nerves. Taeil leaned over the table, making Jungwoo’s heart jump to his throat.

“I will. I told you, I don’t like losing.”

Whether Taeil liked it or not, he still lost to Jungwoo.

He wished he could say he was sorry.

He just wasn’t.

Each new win and each new jab at him because Taeil grew impatient made Jungwoo more light-headed and excited.

If only he knew what to do with the knowledge that Taeil had this side to him, other than let it replay in his head while he had his eyes closed and did all things that made his breath come short and legs tremble.

In a way, it was more confusing than his first crush in middle school had been – or rather more intimidating – because he was so clueless when he should be experienced.

The only thing that Jungwoo knew to do before considering anything else, was that he wanted to work on himself. If he just focused on that, he could buy himself time before trying to figure out how to even approach everything else.

Time, during which his feelings might just go away and leave a fulfilling friendship?

Would that really ever be enough?

Even though Jungwoo dreaded Seollal less than last year, it was still hard to see Joohyun off, her suitcase and handbag in hand, packed to stay for 10 days of celebrations.

Last year, Jungwoo had spent Lunar New Year with day drinking Saturday to Tuesday in a row, in bars, clubs, and hotels together with two guys he had met on the first counter over soju at noon, living the same sad reality and thus all too willing to kick over the traces and ditch any morality in an effort to forget.

It had resulted in the absolute worst hangover for two days, plus having rice and kimchi for the following two months because he had actually forgotten there was a tomorrow and bills to pay. Joohyung, luckily, had given him a small loan to pay for rent, or it would have taken an even uglier ending.

Jungwoo regretted it and tried to not even think back to what he had done. It wasn’t too hard because of the huge missing pieces in his memory.

The year before, he had spent Lunar New Year eating his grandma’s self-made food, leaving offerings and praying at the temple, and singing with his sisters and father.

Jungwoo tried to not think back to that either, but for entirely different reasons.

“Sweetie, come let me hug you!” Joohyun stepped up and Jungwoo leaned down to her height. He had no reason to freak out, this year. His white clothes were already waiting for him to put on tomorrow.

The evenings would be spent alone, but he had a place to replenish his energy during the day. He’d get by even if the flat would be too quiet.

He knew she needed this a lot more than he did. He only had to get through the nights. He could watch TV and order food, helping him forget there was no one else around.

“You’re strong, darling, remember that! You’re lovely and kind and compassionate, you have many people who love you, me included. Don’t let them get to you, just ignore any stupid talk and eat more!”

Joohyun chuckled sadly.

“I’ll try my best. I’ll text you when it gets too bad, okay?”

“I insist on it! I’ll send you as many reminders of how great you are as you need,” Jungwoo wished he didn’t have to. He wished Joohyun’s family home wasn’t a place she was scared to visit and he wished her family would understand she wasn’t broken and all they were doing, was hurt her with their words.

At the same time, he was jealous she at least was still invited.

It was a mindset they didn’t share, but Jungwoo guessed they were simply too different, personality-wise. He respected Joohyun suffered and Joohyun respected he suffered – they didn’t try to make lighter of their situation by telling them they wished what the other had. If they could just switch, it’d be different, but they couldn’t. Not saying anything was the most helpful in this situation, just being there and supporting the other.

“I’m sure you’ll have a nice two weeks. You’ll be seeing plenty of Taeil-sshi,” Joohyun smiled when they parted.

“I’m sure I will.” Jungwoo felt his face flush, “I even looked up all the groups that participated at these Olympics. 2PM went, MBLAQ, and some Rookie groups.”

“2PM? How very straight of you,” Joohyun chuckled.

“They’re hot, okay? I also looked up the girl groups.”

“But you’ll be salivating over the men, that’s fine, just make sure no one notices.”

Jungwoo nodded, “I’m good at that.”

“I know, sweetie. Okay, I’ll have to get going, my uncle is waiting in front of the building.”

“Bye-bye.”

Jungwoo waved until the lift’s doors had closed and very slowly retreated into the flat.

He didn’t like living alone.

He didn’t only room with Joohyun because of money. A quiet flat worsened his fears. Jungwoo hated being alone.

Maybe, once he was finished, he could follow Taeil’s example and adopt Hybrids from bad circumstances, too. Or, well, actually one might be enough. Right now, he didn’t have the money and, more importantly, he didn’t have the energy that’d require.

If he was mentally unstable and sort of wobbly in his ways, he couldn’t support someone coming from mistreatment, possibly abuse and likely traumatised.

Actually, Jungwoo didn’t even really know what it meant to give a Hybrid a home, especially one that had made bad experiences.

He had only gotten glimpses, from when Jaehyun had still been very shy and Taeil had to coax him into voicing opinions, over Taeyong not wanting to leave the house if it could be avoided, to Yuta sometimes being in this odd mood that Jungwoo couldn’t help call a façade of being happy when he really wasn’t.

There was still a lot to learn. He was still very far away from being a role model to a “kid”.

But he wanted to become one. He would learn and he would get there and then he would be able to be the role model and parent or just a friend to a Hybrid, how Taeil was.

Of course, just when Jungwoo had to travel through half of Seoul every day, the weather turned from cold and unpleasant to gross and nasty.

Starting from Monday, it was snowing a little, but with cars and salt working against the slippiness, it all turned into brown mud on the sides of the streets and side-walks.

At least the morning rush was already notably calmer because many had started their two-week breaks.

The first day was weird. He knew what he was supposed to do, but the long break meant he had forgotten some of the details. The rooms felt somewhat unfamiliar, as did the computer programs, and it was like nothing quite fit and nothing was quite right.

The chaotic nature of un-scheduled office hours didn’t help.

Especially not when it was _this_ chaotic. Jungwoo had only worked Saturdays in the summer. Apparently, that had been the beginner’s beginner-level.

However, he somehow managed to get everything under control and, eventually, all patients had been taken care off and everyone was registered in the system, ready to be billed once Sooyoung was back and would handle it.

The second day, Jungwoo was back on his game. Even the complaining patient owners weren’t as terrible and intimidating as they had been. Jungwoo knew what he’d have to accept and where he could shut them down.

The lunch discussions over which winter sport was the most fun to watch and whether it was irresponsible to ski around a track with a weapon strapped to your back made it just so much more enjoyable.

Not even the quiet living room could bring him down once he came home in the evenings. Jungwoo would turn on the radio and listen to some show where there was as much talking as possible. He’d learn about idol groups while cooking himself dinner and pressed his clothing for the next day.

It was okay. He was okay.

He was happy, even though it was a holiday. Even though he had no family to be with.

He still had a safe heaven to turn to.

His messages to Joohyun were filled with this genuine happiness he could channel to cheer her up while she had her own burden to carry.

He could be there for her when no one else could be.

That only fuelled him on in knowing this was the right thing to do, the right track he was on.

The closer the weekend came, the quieter the office hours. Only those with very serious concerns still came to see Taeil by Thursday.

It left them with a lot of breaks during which Yuta would sit on the desk and dangle his legs while playing games on his phone and Jungwoo tried to break his Solitaire record.

On Friday, it was so quiet that Taeil decided to sort through the vast collection of medical publications, he had read and then kept “for later”, together with Jungwoo, checking what to keep and what to throw out but always getting lost in discussing instead of making progress.

Especially those studies where the bias should have been obvious from the beginning and that should have not passed any professional reviewer let them both fall into rants. It hit differently for Jungwoo, with his own paper still pending for re-review. It was just infuriating these would make it into a professional publication, while his own might cost him his scholarship.

A young student wouldn’t be able to tell there was an issue, still too unfamiliar with how academic writing worked, and the media would just pick up something and say “studies showed” to spread it in among the public. The damange would be done, opinions formed that were hard to drop later.

No wonder Hybrids were treated how they were! This was the root of the issue, these were the people making up the lies on which society was based.

It wasn’t only the formalities of published papers they’d spend hours nitpicking at. The topics might spark an even longer discussion. Sometimes, it was actually helpful content, but most was just rubbish.

“Seriously, you’re both so nerdy! How can you be discussing inbreeding again, didn’t you already talk about this twice?” Yuta sighed and kicked the box full of journals they had sorted out to be thrown away. It hardly budged because of how heavy it was.

“It’s a serious topic and there’s so many layers, so many details to consider!” Taeil shook his head.

“Exactly, and it’s so recent, too, with this study trying to justify it in Ragdoll Hybrids because the Ragdoll cat is severely inbred as well. As if that’s a good thing or a reason why it should be okay to repeat that mistake,” Jungwoo chipped in. He loved Ragdoll cats, they were adorable, but inbreeding always brought issues, sooner or later, and the poor cat – or potentially Hybrid – had to bear them without having consented to it.

They were treated like a product!

“Okay, okay, I’ll just… leave you to it,” Yuta hopped off the desk and disappeared into the back, while Jungwoo and Taeil stayed on the floor with their science journals.

Taeil kept staring at the door.

“I don’t know if we scared if off or if be bored him off,” he finally muttered.

“Is he doing well? He’s been quiet this week.”

“Oh, you noticed?”

“Well, yes, I’ve been noticing for a while, but I’m not really sure what I’m noticing,” Jungwoo carefully explained.

Taeil hummed and nodded.

“I don’t know how far I should go. As his guardian, I’d be free to share this with you, but as his attending doctor, I don’t know. On the other hand, you are part of my staff, so it’d be fine even if there was an oath to keep.”

What he was referencing was, that there was no official Hippocratic oath, that’d compel silence over a patient’s worries and conditions, with Hybrids. Taeil had a very extensive NDA instead, that had been part of Jungwoo’s internship contract and was of his current contract as well, clearly inspired by what would be a matter of course would they treat humans here.

It was just such a Taeil thing to do, so respectful and thoughtful.

“It’s okay, if it makes you uncomfortable just forget I asked,” Jungwoo fully understood Taeil would be hesitant, “I’d probably feel weird if you told me if it’s something sensitive. I don’t mean to intrude, I didn’t know there was such a grave reason.”

“You couldn’t have. I’m sure it’ll come up eventually and he could let you know if he feels comfortable. Sorry.”

“Hyung, I understand!” Jungwoo assured the other. Close or not, Jungwoo had his fair share of secrets he was glad no one else would just give away to Taeil.

Taeil rubbed his neck, “Right, sorry, I forgot who I was talking to for a second there.” Who he was talking to? It sounded like Jungwoo was a very respectable person… “So, let’s dig into the last box, shall we?”

“Let’s do it.”

When they were finished, Jungwoo realised it was already well past four. He activated the automatic reply and shut down the computer, while Taeil cleaned up the back.

“See you tomorrow, bright and early.”

“See you,” Jungwoo chuckled and closed the door, hearing Taeil lock it from inside.

He hurried to get to the metro. The street was no place to be right now, an icy wind cutting through his layers of clothing and drops of rain, just shy of snow, hitting his face.

The metro station was only slightly better and the train smelt of wet coats and boots, but at least it wasn’t as crowded as during a normal working week. He even got a seat!

Jungwoo pulled out his phone to check his messages. They weren’t completely overflowing, how they used to when he had still been in much too many group chats he didn’t want to be in.

There was one from Joohyun, which he immediately replied to.

The rest was filled with pictures of food, people trying to make each other jealous by comparing what their families dished out even though it was only Friday.

Jungwoo quickly scanned to see if he had missed anything of importance, but he ended up with a hollow feeling in his chest despite trying to skip over the happy families and delicious traditional meals.

His grandma had been such an amazing chef. Well. She probably still was.

Jungwoo wondered if he should go to the temple on Monday, early, how his family always did, just so he could maybe catch a glimpse.

He felt tears well up in his eyes and curled up around his phone to hide them. He shouldn’t be crying in public, it’d get him bad looks and glares.

As impulsive as it was, the idea immediately nested in a crook of his brain. If he could catch her alone, maybe, he could even talk to his grandma. Maybe, she would listen, maybe, she wouldn’t send him away. Jungwoo started to grow a little excited, but then he remembered.

No.

No, he couldn’t do that. He still had her letter, the one sent to the dorms he had stayed at for the first months until he had moved in with Joohyun.

He knew the conditions under which she would talk to him again.

He had them written in black and white, hidden away in the depth of a drawer, together with all the other documents still connecting him to the Kims. Together with a couple of snapshots of a happy family.

He couldn’t meet her demands.

Just how he couldn’t meet his parents’ and sisters’.

A short look, to see they were doing well, to hear their voices…

Jungwoo tapped the profile picture of his sister. She must have changed it. She was with a young man in it, smiling brightly.

Bile rose in his throat and he quickly turned the screen off.

He shouldn’t resent them for their happiness.

If only he could be part of it.

If only it could be him in a picture like this, with a girl he could show off to his parents.

The only picture he wanted to be in, was one with Taeil smiling next to him.

No one would ever welcome him back with that!

Jungwoo pressed the cold screen on his phone against his forehead and tried to calm down, but he couldn’t. The hurt felt fresh like it had been yesterday when his father had screamed at him, had called him all these names, had declared he wasn’t his son.

He could almost hear it mixing with his mother’s sobs, and see his younger sister’s shocked face. He could feel the sting of the only slap he had ever received all his childhood from his father’s hand, the one that would end that period of his life.

His fingers were shaking when he heard his station being called. He dragged himself from the train and over the station to where he had to change, not looking up for even once because he felt a tear down his cheek.

If only Jungwoo could actually choose whom he was attracted to.

He couldn’t. It was love, it was a force of nature no one could control. He shouldn’t be sorry for his feelings.

But he couldn’t be proud of them either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)
> 
> rn, I'm kinda stuck with this story, how I was stuck with Moon Diamond several times bc I know where I want it to go but I don't know how haha, but it proooobably won't affect you bc I'm stuck in chapter 29, so there's plenty of finished chapter I "just" have to edit and upload ^^


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, I have the HUGEST surprise coming at the end of this chapter~

On Sunday, the weather had taken another turn from gross to terrible.

Due to snow, Seoul’s traffic was in a state of utter mess.

Jungwoo had never seen this much of it in this city.

To be fair, he had not even been living here for two years, but still. Seoul was the centre of South Korea, he would have known if it had happened before and if there were tons of snow in Seoul, there would be tons of it in Gunpo as well. It really wasn’t that far.

It was close enough to take an early train to the temple and wait there for maybe two hours at maximum until the Kim family would be finished with their offerings and still make it back in time for lunch and a TV afternoon in Cheongdam.

The idea had not left his head even after hours of trying to reason with himself.

Just a short glimpse wouldn’t hurt anyone, it’d maybe make him miss them less.

Despite half the trains being cancelled and the bus crawling over the river at snail speed, Jungwoo was only 30 minutes late and chaos had not yet unfolded here at such an early hour.

“I don’t expect it to be super busy today, anyway. That’s why I’m not worried about closing tomorrow. Most people will re-consider four times before coming with a sickly Hybrid today and New Year isn’t the time to suddenly realise your Hybrid has been struggling with chronic illness for a while. Seoul National will not euthanise any of those who come with a broken arm or bruise from playing in the snow.” Taeil explained while sorting through the unopened mail.

“Has anyone ever considered establishing a system of shifts, so the holidays would be covered by different doctors in turns?” Jungwoo paused the Solitaire game. He was just breaking his own records, Sooyoung’s previous ones completely pushed from the ranking.

“Please, you know how they are. Of course not, it’s a holiday, everyone wants to have those off. Seoul National charges 250% their normal rate, even more on Sunday and Monday, which is the only motivation why they’re open. I’ve gotten a polite but stern letter asking me to please take them off, how everyone does, from them. I bet they noticed they make less when people can also come here, even though it’s probably just a fraction of the overall income. This system lives off money, it’s the only thing important.”

“Wow, they actually did that?” Taeil wouldn’t be that much of a risk to their business, maybe 2% of sales at best. That they’d bother just made them look greedy – honestly speaking, Jungwoo wished he had more trouble believing it to be true.

“Yep, I was kind of surprised.”

“Did you reply?”

“Of course. I politely but sternly told them to fuck themselves,” Taeil grinned and Jungwoo chuckled.

“If they don’t take me for residency, I know it’s because of that latter now. It’ll be your fault,” Jungwoo leaned back in his chair.

Taeil’s smile turned into a serious expression and he put down the stack of unopened envelopes.

“You plan to go there for residency?”

“Yeah, that was my original plan. I’m not sure I’d stand a chance with an internship at an independent office, even if there was no fuck-you-letter, though,” Jungwoo didn’t mean to be hurtful, but it was the truth. Taeil would know this just as well as him, there was no reason to skirt around it or lie.

“Dang it, I’m still sorry about that. Well, not to them, they can still do what I suggested they did, but to you.”

“It’s fine. Honestly, I’m not really entirely sure I’d be all that happy there, anyway. It’s just… I don’t know where else to do it. They’re the best option, with the best practise, even if they’re still kind of bad,” it was one of those many worries over his future Jungwoo had.

“Well, I’d love to say do it here, but I don’t think I have that kind of business going on. I don’t want to complain, it’s going well, but it’s not going that well. I wouldn’t even have enough work for you to do. Sorry,” Taeil frowned.

“Don’t be, most independent doctors don’t take residents. Must be a lot of work, too, it’s really fine,” of course, Jungwoo had considered asking Taeil before, but he had already come to the same conclusion.

There were some other options, outside of South Korea. Of course, those were very complicated to get into and Jungwoo wasn’t sure how to handle the language barrier. Nevermind they would hardly be less competitive, but at least they wouldn’t expect previous internships at their clinics.

Japan was currently his favourite option. It was where Hybrids originated, after all. There was a very progressive clinic in Nagoya. Jungwoo had finished his Japanese studies with a good grade and even chosen it as one of his college entrance exam subjects, but he wasn’t very confident in his skills when it came to talking. Still, it was an option he was seriously considering, difficult or not, because if it meant going to a place where Hybrids were treated fairly and got care instead of being put down.

Hearing what he had already kind of known directly from Taeil, stirred these thoughts again.

If his re-review came back clear, he could continue this train of thought. If his scholarship would be revoked, then… well, he didn’t even know. He didn’t want to ditch his studies. He had looked into student loans, those were an option, but then, the move to Japan would be even more burdening.

Maybe, he should just pick his Japanese studies back up? It wouldn’t hurt if he knew more and ended up not needing it but it would make things considerably easier if he didn’t have to do it on short notice a semester before the actual residency.

“Speaking of, since it worked out so well, I’ve been planning to have another intern in summer. I’ve not gotten the clear yet, but I applied at K U. It didn’t even hurt,” Taeil joked.

“Did it hurt the first time?” Jungwoo laughed, but jealousy reared its head in his chest.

Another intern, someone who’d replace him, someone Taeil would sacrifice hours and hours to teach.

Someone who would see how wonderful a person he was.

Possibly a woman.

Someone Taeil would hold endless discussions and keep around after hours to vent about one thing or another, each of them deep and well-thought-through. Someone that Taeil would start to genuinely enjoy spending time with.

But, maybe, a woman.

Jungwoo tried to squash the picture before it could infest his entire brain, but it was too late, the little demons were already everywhere, making him feel upset.

It was truly pathetic.

“Admittedly, a little. But I wore my Yonsei-jacket, so that was fun.”

Jungwoo chuckled to drown the little jealousy monsters out and somewhat succeeded.

Really, he could worry about that when he got there. June was five months away!

There was a chance he’d already have settled with a nice friendship with Taeil by then.

It’d be fine!

“Did they chase you off the campus with torches and pitchforks? I wish I had seen that.”

“Not quite. It was the dramatic exit I had hoped for, though. Someone jumped out of my way. It was fabulous,” Taeil looked overall pleased. Jungwoo hadn’t expected him to have a thing for drama, much less that he’d call himself fabulous, but he couldn’t say he didn’t find it charming.

Well.

Jungwoo finding anything in Taeil charming really wasn’t a groundbreaking concept anymore.

The ringing of the phone interrupted their conversation and Jungwoo fell into the easy work the last days had given him before returning to his game of Solitaire.

Shortly before four, when he had been about to save everything for the day and turn the PC off to prepare to go home, there was a last call for the day.

Jungwoo was a little annoyed. The owner described his Hybrid had gotten injured and that it wouldn’t stop bleeding for hours. It sounded urgent, like he should have called an hour, or more, earlier, to save the Hybrid quite a bit of suffering.

Outside, it had started to snow again and Jungwoo wasn’t looking forward to making his way home through that mess, but he also wasn’t eager to get home, so he stayed behind the computer while they waited.

“Yuta, I’m sure Jungwoo could assist me if you want to go home already,” Taeil suggested, but Yuta shook his head.

“I don’t care. If it’s someone injured, they might be scared. It’s usually good when I’m there. A fellow Hybrid is almost always easier to talk to.”

Taeil nodded and looked at his watch again. Jungwoo knew Yuta’s words to be true, he had witnessed it many times. It didn’t apply so much for the little Hybrids, but older ones would often turn to Yuta rather than talk to him and Taeil. There were many reasons why, one worse than the other, but it always boiled down to them being indoctrinated by the idea of humans being superior to them.

At least for the moment of treatment, it was easier to just ensure the Hybrid’s comfort than address why they’d struggle to talk to humans. It was good Yuta worked here for more reasons than him just being an excellent nurse.

“Sorry for keeping you here. I’m sure you could go home, we can handle this, right?” Taeil offered Jungwoo next.

“Yep,” Yuta nodded.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine. I’d rather be here and have company for a bit longer,” Jungwoo admitted.

“Is your roommate gone?” Yuta asked.

“She’s visiting her family, yes.”

“If you really don’t mind, well, I’m not going to be the one telling you you must go home,” Taeil shrugged and opened Minesweeper on the computer.

They took turns while waiting and it was currently Yuta playing and the other two watching, secretly hoping he’d hit the mine soon, when the door was finally opened.

A guy stepped inside, dragging a bunny Hybrid along. He was young, small and petite, stumbling with his head held down. He was probably not much over 14. Jungwoo internally sighed, feeling for the teenager.

He knew he couldn’t afford to let every fate touch him, but the more heartbreaking, the harder it was to remain calm. He was still working on building a professional distance – to keep himself sane.

It wasn’t a façade, he wasn’t pretending. He was just not taking everything to heart as much as he wanted to. No doctor could work their job if they had endless empathy for every single patient and would mull over their fates for hours after. It was part of the job to experience gruesome and heartbreaking fates, unfortunately.

Like this one.

Jungwoo wondered where and how he had gotten hurt. Nothing showed through his clothing but from how badly the Hybrid limped, he could already guess. He hated the conclusion he got to.

Yuta jumped off the counter.

“Good evening.” Jungwoo heard Taeil next to himself and turned back to the owner to greet him as well, but his words got stuck in his throat when he recognised the face.

Dread settled in his stomach and the wish to dive under the desk to hide until he’d be gone.

He should have left on time.

He should have left when Taeil had offered.

He should have been reasonable and gotten on the way back to Anam before the snow got worse, not stayed for the company even if it had been nice.

An empty flat was much easier to bear than his face.

Loneliness was nothing in comparison to the terror he felt seeing him, knowing what meeting him here, in his safety place, could result in, what damage he could cause.

It was too late. The man had already focussed on Jungwoo and realisation flashed in his eyes, then, his lips pulled into a smirk. A smirk Jungwoo had found incredibly attractive and heart-fluttering, once upon a time, one he had worked hard to see more of.

He was, without a doubt, still handsome, but it no longer blinded Jungwoo. All he now felt seeing the natural over-confidence he had always had, and that he had envied before realising it hid a cruel face underneath, was nausea.

“Oh, no way, Jungwoo? What a coincidence!”

Jungwoo felt Taeil’s eyes on him and hoped, he hoped so much, that he would leave it at that. He hoped he, for once, wouldn’t use his privilege against him, to use him as a source of entertainment.

It was a small hope.

He had not spared him before, on the contrary. He had gone out of his way to make sure he inflicted as much misery on Jungwoo as he could.

He had thought he had left him behind together with his high-school self.

Presented with the chance to do the same thing again, Jungwoo expected him to take it and prove how heartless and cruel a person he was once more. He was unprepared to face him. He would never be prepared to face him.

People sharing his preference usually were safe because they knew how important it was to keep it a secret from the general public and they wouldn’t even give a hint when there was someone around that wasn’t in.

He wasn’t one of those people.

He didn’t have to care about people because he had the money and the tricks to make them talk how he wanted them to. Jungwoo had been starstruck before he had realised how damaging for everyone that got involved with him would be. Whatever position they might have had in his life at some point, he dropped them the second he got bored or the second they no longer blindly adored him and followed his every move.

Of course, he had no regard for those who were reliant on him to keep their secret. He didn’t care about anyone but himself.

He was cold-hearted and sadistic.

If only Jungwoo hadn’t been young, lonely, scared, and naïve. He wouldn’t fall for someone like him ever again – but he couldn’t go back in time and erase he had made that mistake once.

“You said it was an emergency, didn’t you? You can just drop off the passport with me and go right through, we waited specifically for you.” Jungwoo’s muscles cramped from his smile. He had to force himself to keep standing here and not turn to run.

He could handle this, he had become more mature and more confident. He wasn’t the shy Jungwoo from high school anymore, that could be kicked around by older men he thought liked him but really just played with him.

“Aw, what a cold reunion. Min-Min, go with the doctor!” he pushed the Hybrid towards Taeil, and the boy was unable to catch himself and immediately stumbled over his own feet, which would have made him fall wasn’t it for Yuta grabbing him and holding him up.

Jungwoo still avoided Taeil’s gaze. Shame from even knowing a person like this burnt hot on his body.

Luckily, Taeil didn’t wait for any explanation but followed Yuta and the Hybrid, that was clearly in need of treatment. He’d probably want one later. Jungwoo would want to give him one, he wanted to make sure there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings.

He wanted nothing to do with this man.

“So, what, you’re a secretary now?”

“I’m a Hybrid med student but I work here over the holidays to get more experience.” Jungwoo grabbed the red passport and avoided his eyes completely as he sat back down to start typing the information into the form on the computer. He had guessed right. The Hybrid wasn’t even 15 yet.

“Wow. Sounds kinda lame, but that fits you.”

Jungwoo just kept quiet. He finished typing all the data he needed and wordlessly put the passport onto the counter again.

“You’re not even going to talk to me?”

“There’s nothing to talk about, is there?” Jungwoo hit the button to let the file show up on the computer of the treatment room, so Yuta could type in the diagnosis and the procedures done, for billing and documentation.

“I mean, it’s been, what? Two years?”

“Almost.”

“Aw, you kept track?”

Jungwoo swallowed and didn’t reply.

He had, in a way. Not because of him, but because of what he had started.

“You know, I really should have gotten a Hybrid much earlier. They don’t talk back and whine as much. It’s always the same, all the pretty boys are so boring and sensitive, just like you.” Jungwoo felt sick, “They don’t even gag. Remember how much you gagged on my cock? You were so cute when sucking just the tip, but once we actually got to the fun part, you were so bad at it! At least you cried prettily while begging.”

Jungwoo remembered. He remembered going at it all wrong because he had no clue but had felt like he needed the validation he wouldn’t get anywhere else. He had thought it was love.

It hadn’t been.

“Can we not talk about this?”

He knew he got some sort of satisfaction out of this. He always had. It was part of his kinks. He could have given Jungwoo tips on how to improve, how his later boyfriends had, how Jungwoo had when he had been with inexperienced boys, but he had just let him suffer to get off. He surely was long over Jungwoo and didn’t care the slightest, but here he was, torturing him with his past because it turned him on.

“Aw, why not? I love revisiting precious memories. I’m single right now, we could try again. I have Min-Min, I could just give you all the sweet fingering you’re so eager for, or did you find someone else to choke on the cock of?”

Jungwoo just wanted him to shut up. He didn’t want to know he had a small Hybrid now, he didn’t want to know he probably abused the poor boy on a daily basis, he didn’t want to be reminded of what he had done, of what he had taken, not knowing it didn’t need to hurt like that and he didn’t need to beg so much.

He knew he had done his fair share of fuck-ups in his relationships, but in this one, all he had done wrong was being young, lonely, and inexperienced.

“I’m sorry, you’re disgusting,” Jungwoo replied, but his voice was small and shaky.

“I agree. Do you realise that’s sexual harassment?” Jungwoo jerked around and saw Taeil stand in the door to the treatment rooms, “Do you want me to get the police involved?”

It felt like his body just shut down, in that moment. He didn’t even know what to feel anymore. He was so scared and out of control, his brain seemed to be overwhelmed and all he could do was shake his head and turn away before he might meet Taeil’s eyes.

He had heard.

Oh god.

He knew.

He knew what Jungwoo was, what his preference was.

“Chill, it’s just harmless joking. Jungwoo knows he’s terrible at sucking dick, but he sure is cute when he tries. Are you done already?”

“It didn’t sound like harmless joking but like verbal abuse to me. I’m not done, I would like for you to have a look at your Hybrid’s back and help me find out how a 14-year-old boy can have whip marks deep enough to need stitches and second-degree burns. After we figured that out, I hope we can find out how to avoid it in the future.”

Taeil’s voice was hard as steel. Jungwoo didn’t think he had ever heard Taeil sound as angry before, even though he didn’t ever take lightly to abused Hybrids.

“How do you think they got there?”

“I didn’t ask you to give me witty remarks, I asked you to come with me.”

The guy groaned but obeyed. His footsteps echoed in Jungwoo’s head, sounding louder than they could possibly be.

When the door fell shut, everything just crashed down over him.

Tears stung in his eyes and his mouth tasted bitter.

The words of humiliation were in his ears, the words of cruelty towards the Hybrid even louder.

There weren’t many cases like this, hardly any. If, they came on these days when no one else really worked. They’d never return unless absolutely necessary. Jungwoo knew just how sharply Taeil called them out on their crimes, that weren’t considered ones but should be.

He wasn’t going to care. Jungwoo was sure of it. He had not cared when Mr Kim had chased him from the house with a baseball bat. Jungwoo wasn’t sure there was any redemption for someone as rotten as him.

The humiliation, he could take. It might take a few days, but Jungwoo could overcome it and forget what he had said, knowing it didn’t even hold true anymore.

But Taeil knew.

Jungwoo swallowed and hoped to stop the tears from running down his cheeks, but they wouldn’t.

Taeil knew he was involved with men, there was no way to misunderstand this. He had said love was love, but it was different when it was his kids.

This was about Jungwoo.

Jungwoo wasn’t a Hybrid, who had his own rules to how his personality worked.

Jungwoo was to marry his girlfriend right out of college, how Mrs Moon had suggested.

Jungwoo was able to get an education, choose a profession, and be taken seriously, but he also had to obey at least a small set of rules, by which society played, to be respected.

To make it worse, it hadn’t been himself telling Taeil this. The decision hadn’t been his. It made him feel so utterly powerless and belittled, it made the realisation that Taeil would now change how he thought of him even worse.

It reminded him all too much of the first time that this had happened. It had been him as well. Of course, he’d manage to ruin Jungwoo’s life again just when he had thought he had rebuilt it from the shambles he had been living in for years.

If he could gather the strength to start again, Jungwoo didn’t know. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move, all he could do was cry.

“Hyung?”

Jungwoo startled so badly, he slammed his knee against the desk.

“Taeil-Hyung texted to check on you because you might not feel well?”

“Did he?” Jungwoo’s voice was raspy and gave away his current state immediately, and he wished he hadn’t said anything.

Suddenly, Taeyong’s face was in front of his, eyes wide and attentive, full of worry.

“Do you want to come upstairs?” Taeyong asked softly and Jungwoo wished he could pull himself together. He felt so embarrassed, which only added on top of already feeling like he had failed at everything.

His body didn’t listen to him, the tears just kept dropping down his cheeks.

“I can make tea for you and we can cuddle until you feel better?” Taeyong sounded insisted, concerned, but not like he was judging Jungwoo.

“Okay,” he whispered and despite wanting to just disappear, maybe leave and never come back, he turned the computer into energy-saving mode and picked himself up from his chair to let Taeyong pull him through the back and towards the staircase that led right up to Taeil’s flat.

It was warm, warmer than the office, and Jungwoo took off his shoes wordlessly.

“Do you like Chamomilla or Lemon Balm better?” Taeyong asked.

“Lemon Balm.”

“I like it better, too, but Jaehyunnie prefers Chamomilla,” Taeyong was still dragging him and Jungwoo was thankful he did or he would have probably stayed in the entrance hall and actually turned to leave.

Both Doyoung and Jaehyun were in the living room and Jungwoo felt even more ashamed, but at least no new tears started rolling.

Neither of them said anything, but Taeyong dragged him over to the sofa on which they were sitting and Jungwoo found himself sandwiched between the two, Jaehyun over his lap and Doyoung leaning against him like he was the backrest.

It was enough to make him tear up again and Jungwoo unsuccessfully swallowed to stop it.

“Hyung, have a tissue,” Doyoung suddenly pushed one into his face and Jungwoo gratefully accepted it.

“Thank you,” he hid behind the white paper, hoping to never have to re-emerge.

“Was it something very terrible?” Jaehyun softly inquired and Jungwoo wanted to say yes, but with these Hybrids here, he suddenly felt like he had no room to talk.

They got called abnormalities on a daily basis, some of them were sexually harassed the moment they left the house.

He should have himself in check better, count his blessings and suck it up like a man.

“Obviously. It’s okay. Sometimes, things are terrible and awful. It’s no shame to cry until it feels a bit less terrible and awful,” Doyoung rubbed his shoulder and Jungwoo hickupped helplessly.

“Yeah. Sorry I asked. That was insensitive. I just wanted to let you know it’s definitely going to be okay, whatever it is.” Jaehyun agreed and Jungwoo wished he could trust his words.

The hurt, yes, it’d pass, he’d forget about him and continue life.

The outing…

Jungwoo sniffed.

“Hyung, here’s your tea, I changed the mug twice, so you can already drink it no problem!” Taeyong took his hand and put the warm cup into it and Jungwoo wished he could know this was his place to always fall back onto when he felt like this, he wished this was something he could always count on.

He wished he had this sort of family, not related by blood but knit together by fate.

“Thank you,” he finally put down the tissue and sipped on the tea. It was warm in his throat and he could swallow some of his tears along with it.

“You’re welcome. I can make more if you need me to. I have lots!” Taeyong assured him and wiggled to squeeze himself between Doyoung and the armrest, the bunny putting his legs over his lap.

“Do you want to talk about something happy? It can help you feel better!” Jaehyun suggested and Jungwoo could already smile a little.

“I’d like that,” he’d take it as long as he still could. As long as the Hybrids still saw him as Jungwoo and not as Jungwoo, gay.

“Okay. So. The ISAC tomorrow. It’s super exciting. Did you watch it before?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“We always watch it, since 2010 when it first started. I was really new here and Taeil-Hyung still had Chuseok off and Doie and I had a fight over apples.” Taeyong cheerfully explained.

“Because you took mine,” Doyoung grumbled, sounding like the jealous younger kid Taeil had made him out to be in his re-tellings.

“Because it wasn’t yours. Anyway, Taeil-Hyung had to make us sit down and apologise and it was a bit messy and there were some tears and once we had it all sorted out, he suggested watching tv and that was what was on. It was so amazing,” Taeyong excitedly added and soon, the three bounced ideas off each other and spun up this fantastic tale of a magical alternate reality of beautiful girls and handsome boys competing in different events and proving to their fans and each other that they were capable of more than ‘just’ dancing and singing.

Jungwoo finished his tea and it warmed him from inside while Jaehyun and Doyoung warmed him through their cuddles.

He almost forgot Taeil had heard when his ex had explicitly said he slept with men. He almost forgot this might be the last time they didn’t even ask and just pulled him in their midst to cheer up.

Almost.

Eventually, the time to recharge and forget was up. Yuta came into the living room, a few red stains on the left side of his white clothes.

“Hyung? Taeil-Hyung asked if I could send you downstairs, he’d like to talk to you?” Yuta smiled carefully and Jungwoo nodded.

Jaehyun clung to him and Jungwoo genuinely appreciated it, but he knew he couldn’t take him. He didn’t want to take him, he’d rather have this conversation in the privacy of whatever Taeil would offer.

“Was it because of the boy?” Yuta softly asked when Jungwoo was almost in front of him, so the others wouldn’t hear, “I totally get that, that was… it was hard.” He looked like he should have a cup of lemon balm tea as well.

“More or less, more the owner,” Jungwoo admitted.

“Okay. Well. Yeah, Taeil-Hyung has some good tips for coping. Crying is also good. And cuddling. 10 out of 10 would recommend.”

“Maybe you should ask Taeyong for some tea, okay?” Jungwoo ruffled Yuta’s hair and the other nodded.

“I planned on that. Okay, uh, have fun, I guess?”

“Thank you,” Jungwoo muttered.

The walk down the stairs seemed to be longer than normal or maybe Jungwoo was moving at snail speed, taking each step slower than the last until he was on the third floor and out of time to stall.

What would Taeil say?

He’d probably be disappointed, disgusted, maybe.

He wouldn’t fire him, right? He wouldn’t revoke his welcome at his flat, right?

Things might change, but he still wanted to come! It might not be as wonderful anymore as it was now if everyone suddenly knew and adjusted their behaviour accordingly, but that’d still make it one of the most comfortable places he could think of.

Jungwoo rubbed his eyes and tried to take a calming breath.

If he did get kicked out, he’d get cigarettes. If Taeil was going to throw him out, he could just give up. There’d be no use in trying. Jungwoo couldn’t do this again, he didn’t have the strength to.

He’d quit his studies because he couldn’t handle doing them knowing he wouldn’t have this place ever again.

He could just stop worrying over his scholarship and pleasing his professors. It wouldn’t matter anymore.

There were new tears in his eyes and Jungwoo softly knocked on the door because he at least wanted to hear it with his own ears before jumping to conclusions. He wanted to have faith in Taeil because Taeil always had faith in him.

“Come in!” Taeil called, but before Jungwoo could open, the door was already flung open and he startled in his spot.

“Sorry, urgh, sorry, Jungwoo,” Taeil reached out but pulled back before he could touch him. Jungwoo’s stomach turned. Taeil usually gave pats on the arm easily. Now, apparently, he wouldn’t do that anymore. Not with someone like Jungwoo. “Please, come in. I wanted some privacy from nosy Hybrids with good ears. I hope it doesn’t feel too cold down here.”

“It’s okay,” Jungwoo muttered but didn’t look up as he shuffled to sit in a chair.

Taeil hesitated for a moment before sitting down as well. He scooted closer, but the silence stretched on.

“That was a mess,” Taeil finally broke. Jungwoo stared at his shoes.

There were few things to say, nothing that could make it undone. He wanted it to be over with. He couldn’t change it even if he’d try. It was who he was.

“I’m sorry,” he finally pressed out.

“What on earth would you be sorry for?” Taeil sounded so surprised, Jungwoo was a little thrown off the loop, but he had enough experience in life to know what to be sorry for.

“Not telling you I’m gay. I can leave if you want. I understand.” The words burnt on his tongue. He didn’t want to leave but he didn’t want to seem as desperate as he was. If he pretended it was fine to leave this place, he’d, at least partially, believe the lie and it’d be easier to turn and never come back.

Taeil’s shoes were suddenly right in front of his own.

“I’m not going to make you leave! How could you say…” Taeil broke off where it seemed like he had been about to go off on a rant.

Jungwoo tried to keep calm and grab to the straw that was not getting kicked out, but he was too unsure what else Taeil would have to say, especially since he seemed to reconsider and re-phrase, the silence heavy and dreadful. Finally, Taeil whispered: “Shit, your family? You said they don’t invite you anymore, that’s why, right?”

Jungwoo nodded. That New Year was only a day away made this even more bitter, even more a stab to the heart. At least he wouldn’t be kicked out. He could stay. It was okay, he could stay, he repeated in his head, but the terms it’d be tied to, he didn’t know yet.

Would everything change? Would Taeil see him differently, no longer as a friend? Would they grow apart over this?

Would he realise Jungwoo’s feelings and be disgusted? Hate him for what he couldn’t change?

“Okay, no, we’re not going to have anyone unfairly kicked out anywhere, absolutely not. You have nothing, not a single thing, to be sorry for. I don’t want you to even think you owe me any explanation when you don’t! It was not a good way to be forced into this conversation, but maybe you’ll feel better if I tell you: I already knew. Obviously, even if I…”

“What?” Jungwoo’s head snapped up. How had he known?

He had absolutely not messed up anywhere. He had only spoken of girlfriends, he had only voiced admiration for female idols, he had never let anything slip that could be too broad a hint, had always kept opinions that would suggest his preference to himself. Taeil couldn’t know, there was no way! He shouldn’t or, if he did, would everyone else also know? Was there something obvious that gave it away? That would be like a death sentence for any future career or social life.

Jungwoo felt like the room was spinning.

“Hard to explain. What do they call it online? Gay-dar? You gave off that vibe. I wasn’t sure exactly, obviously, but I also wasn’t surprised. I’m bisexual, maybe should have mentioned that first, so, really, I’m not going to fire you for such a stupid-ass reason. I mean. Unjustifiable reason.”

Jungwoo’s brain very, very slowly fitted the new pieces of information together to let them make sense in his head.

1 – Taeil was fine with him liking men and with not telling him earlier.

2 – Taeil had already known, sort of, because he was bi.

He wasn’t straight.

He not only was fine with it, he ‘got it’.

It was similar to when Joohyun had offered him a tissue during 2nd year of middle school when she had found him with a bleeding nose behind the lockers, where he had been crying since the boys had left him. When she had crouched down and patted off tears and blood and said if he absolutely wouldn’t tell anyone, she wouldn’t see any issue if he liked boys because she liked girls and they could maybe be friends so they had someone to talk to.

Taeil wasn’t going to make weird comments over it, or offensive jokes he should ‘just laugh about and not be so sensitive’. He wasn’t going to be weirded out and distance himself.

Of course, he wouldn’t. This was Taeil!

Jungwoo wouldn’t only get to stay at Heaven, Heaven was going to stay the same, a safety bubble that seemed too perfect to be true but was. This obstacle, fate had thrown in his way, was not to break him down, but to help him grow.

A sob ripped from Jungwoo’s chest and it suddenly seemed like someone had cut the strings holding him together, he just dropped his head into his hands and the fear and shame mixed with the relief and happiness, making him gasp for air wetly.

“Th-thank you,” Jungwoo hickupped, but he wasn’t sure it was even comprehendible from how slurred and muffled it was. A thank you didn’t even cover what he felt, but it was all he could think of right now and he felt a warm hand on his back, slowly rubbing it while he kept shaking and trembling.

“Oh, Jungwoo, I’m so sorry,” Taeil whispered, but his voice was choked up as well now. Jungwoo nodded weakly.

The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, it wasn’t even really silence with Jungwoo sobbing softly, and Taeil never pulled away until he had finally calmed down and his eyes stung from all the crying. He felt so relieved he didn’t even care about the headache he had created for himself.

When he looked up, he realised there were streaks down Taeil’s cheeks as well and he reached into his pocket where Doyoung’s tissue was, and dried them for Taeil.

“Oh, thanks,” the other smiled softly and Jungwoo nodded. Of course, Taeil wouldn’t apologise or be embarrassed over crying. It was such a Taeil-thing to do.

“Sorry I just… yeah, it had pent up, I guess. I don’t have many people who understand,” Jungwoo bunched the tissue in his hand.

“Yeah, me neither. Well. Obviously, seeing how I don’t really have many friends, to begin with,” Taeil chuckled darkly, “I get it. The whole thing with being expected to suddenly jump every moving person around you because you’re bi, you like everyone, right?”

“No homo, haha, you don’t use public showers, right?”

“Oh, you like both? Want to try having a threesome with my girlfriend?”

“If you’re gay, do you, like, want to be a girl?”

“You’re bi? So you’re confused? Or do you not have decided yet?”

“How do you know you’re gay, have you tried sleeping with a girl? You should try it before you decide you don’t like it.”

“God, these are all so pathetic,” Taeil groaned and threw his head back, showing off the milky column of his neck.

“Does… does your mother know?” Jungwoo asked softly.

“She does. To her, it’s a phase, like the Hybrid-equality-thing,” Taeil rolled his eyes, “She disapproves but she doesn’t hold it against me or loves me less. She just doesn’t take it seriously.”

Jungwoo nodded. He remembered when Mrs Moon had stopped herself from retelling Taeil’s past dating. That was probably why. It had likely been with another man.

“I know I’m lucky. I wish I wouldn’t have to call it that. There are so many things I wished weren’t. You know I try to change things one at a time, so, I hope you already know, but let me repeat myself: you’re always welcome here, Jungwoo, always. The kids, you don’t even have to come out if you don’t want. On the contrary. It’s likely they’ll not really get what you want because of their upbringing. It’s one of the very few things breeders don’t mess up, they don’t introduce heteronormativity. Their reasons are terrible, of course, but I will allow them just this little piece of positivity.”

Jungwoo hadn’t considered that yet. It made sense. Hybrids would have to serve men and women alike. It was a terrible reason, but it still lifted a gigantic weight off his chest for good.

“I really appreciate it,” he whispered.

“I’m glad I can offer you this, even if it’s not that much. I wish I could do more, I just…” their eyes met and Jungwoo found himself get lost in Taeil’s, that looked darker because of the tears.

If his chest was usually warm around him, today, it seemed to heat his entire body up just being close to Taeil.

Jungwoo wasn’t sure for how long it stretched on, but Taeil never broke the moment either, they just stared at each other, lost in the other’s orbit.

In this moment, Jungwoo knew there was no return from this. What had started off as a spark, had turned into a flame, a campfire, a wildfire, was now setting Jungwoo’s entire world aflame.

There were so many more problems why this would never work, but just having broken this one barrier, the highest, most imposing one, of the possibility of attraction on Taeil’s side and acceptance of his own preference, seemed to be enough for Jungwoo to forget about all the others.

“You’re so important to me. I don’t even know how this happened, but… it just did,” a shiver ran down Jungwoo’s spine at Taeil’s words. He felt the tips of Taeil’s fingers against his knees and he burnt up at the touch but he still reached out to push his own against them.

“I don’t understand how you could see me like that. To me, I’m just a coward and constantly overwhelmed with the most basic things, terrible at conversation, everything!”

“Don’t say that. You’re not terrible at conversations, you never were. You listen and you actually consider what someone tells you and re-evaluate your own approaches if needed. There’s so few people who will let someone finish and then answer but you always do that, you always have. Social expectations you were raised in are something you have to overcome, but you’ve already done that with a huge part of them. Jungwoo, you’re a really amazing person.”

Jungwoo tightened his hold on Taeil’s hand, even though it felt like it was sending electricity through his body, he couldn’t let go.

“I could never be if you hadn’t let me see what could be. You were the one to broaden my horizon so I could see what was right in front of me all along. I don’t know anyone like you, I don’t think there is anyone like you,” the words came so easily, saying these things from the depth of his heart was so easy when it was with Taeil.

“I didn’t even do much,” Taeil mumbled back, and Jungwoo realised they had hooked their fingers around each other’s. He had because he was scared to have Taeil pull away and be gone. It seemed like Taeil felt the same and Jungwoo realised they were both leaning closer slowly.

A few voices in his head screamed at him to stop, that this was a terrible idea, he didn’t even know what he wanted, he would fuck this up royally. They were easy to ignore when he felt Taeil’s lips on his, soft and warm, moving with the same easy confidence Taeil usually had.

Jungwoo kissed him back, too lost in the feeling of love to care about anything but him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People, you’re getting a kissing scene BEFORE we hit 100k words. It’s a new record lol. Please tell me no one saw this coming lol
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m pretty satisfied that no one expected the kiss lol.
> 
> Btw sorry about the Min-Min situation, I did not notice how close to Jaemin it was AT ALL, it wasn’t to confuse you, sorry.

The longer the kiss lasted, the more Jungwoo realised what as happening, the harder to ignore how absolutely not-through-through this was.

He was the first to pull away, his chest suddenly tight in nervousness.

“Maybe, this isn’t that great an idea,” he whispered, panic choking him up.

Taeil’s eyes cleared like he was back brought back to reality, “I’m so sorry!”

There was a beat of silence during which Taeil moved away, shaking his head, looking like he was fighting himself internally while Jungwoo tried to calm down, sort his thoughts, but couldn’t quite because they all circled around Taeil and that they had kissed.

“I used this situation in which you were vulnerable and I’m your boss and teacher and… I’m so sorry, Jungwoo,” Taeil finally pressed out.

Jungwoo swallowed, “Did you only kiss me because I cried?”

“No!” Taeil looked peeved and Jungwoo was both relieved and even more on edge hearing it. “No, but I told myself I could absolutely not do this. It’s wrong when there’s a power dynamic like this, I’m sorry, Jungwoo.”

“You thought about doing this?” Jungwoo carefully asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer.

Taeil evaded his gaze.

“Let’s just… sleep over this and forget it happened, okay? I couldn’t live with myself using my position, so let’s just… sorry.”

Jungwoo slowly nodded. His head was throbbing and, honestly, if Taeil wanted to forget about it, wouldn’t that be what he wanted as well? Jungwoo didn’t know how to handle the next step after this, the one other than sex, the relationship one. He wasn’t ready for any of this.

But did Taeil like him how Jungwoo did?

From what he had said and not said… it seemed like he did. It seemed like that was the desirable state in this situation but it only further overwhelmed Jungwoo.

Sleeping over it was the best solution for the moment.

Taeil walked over to the window and gasped when he looked outside, then turned to Jungwoo with wide eyes.

“Uh, there might be a problem. A big, white problem.”

Jungwoo sluggishly got off his chair and waddled over and the moment he looked outside, he knew what Taeil meant.

Snow.

So much snow.

“There might be,” he muttered. No way was public transportation operating in this weather.

“You’d be here for lunch tomorrow anyway. Maybe, you could just stay over? The sofa pulls out…”

Jungwoo nodded and from how fuzzy the world around him was, it honestly didn’t seem like a bad idea.

“Good. Well, let’s check if there’s still dinner left,” Taeil smiled softly and turned to leave. Jungwoo followed, but as he watched the expanse of Taeil’s back, covered in white, it was impossible to forget how his lips had felt on his own, just a few minutes ago.

Even when he was on the pulled-out sofa, dressed in a pyjama from Doyoung, that smelt of the laundry detergent the household used, and wrapped in extra blankets, it was still tingling on his lips. Jungwoo could only stare into the darkness and brush a finger over them, trying to remember if he had ever before wanted to kiss another person again this badly.

There was a faint chance he had and just forgotten.

More likely, he had not.

For certain, Jungwoo had never been this in love with a person before.

But they had agreed to forget about it. Taeil had said he felt uncomfortable with the power dynamic. In a way, Jungwoo did, too. Not because he thought of Taeil as a teacher, but because he still saw Taeil as someone infallible and unattainable.

He wouldn’t be able to see eye to eye as long as he still looked up to him this much, there would be a dynamic that couldn’t be a good setting for a healthy relationship.

Taeil might feel the same. He might see Jungwoo differently, not in a position as far below, but he definitely saw how much experience he was still lacking in comparison, and that they were in two completely different stages of life was obvious even to a complete outsider.

As much as Jungwoo’s lips tingled and his heart raced, he couldn’t fall into this head over heels, no matter how much he wanted to. He’d quite literally be falling and likely end up with at least a broken heart.

Just as much as he wanted to avoid falling, he couldn’t just wait and hope for his feelings to burn out and fade anymore.

It wouldn’t happen, at least not within the next five years, Jungwoo was sure of that even though he was inexperienced in love.

In his head, slowly, a plan started to form. One not put into action within two weeks, as much as he’d want that, but one that’d allow them to overcome the distance that was still in the way.

Jungwoo guessed it was his habit of always sneaking out in the early morning hours if he ended up sleeping at someone else’s place, but he was wide awake at 6 am. The first moment, he had been deeply confused where he was until it had slowly come back.

He had wasted an hour playing different games on his phone and drafting several texts to Joohyun, explaining his situation, but had not sent any of them because he ended up sounding like a mess.

When the living room door was slowly opened and Taeil’s head popped inside, Jungwoo startled and dropped the device.

“Sorry! I didn’t expect you to be awake already, are you an early riser?” Taeil opened the door all the way and came inside. Jungwoo realised he was still in his pyjamas, with a huge knitted cardigan on top, his face a little puffy from sleep and hair mussed up.

He looked soft and comfortable and so cute, Jungwoo couldn’t stop himself from wishing to wake up to someone like this every morning.

“It really depends on what time I went to bed. I guess the unfamiliar environment made me a bit more restless.” Jungwoo admitted and collected his phone from where he had thrown it.

“Very relatable! Do you drink coffee or tea? Water? Juice? Milk? Do you want to shower? Doyoung should get up any moment, I’m sure he’ll lend you some more clothing for the day. I’d offer you mine but I just don’t see how it’d fit someone as long and slim as you.”

Jungwoo’s face heated up a bit, “Tea would be great and I’ll just wait until he’s up if I could borrow your shower?”

“Well, I promptly want it returned the moment you don’t need it anymore,” Taeil chuckled and moved on to the kitchen.

Jungwoo sat in the quiet living room for another moment and stared at the wall. The scene from last night replayed in his heads and, mixed with Taeil in a silk pyjama and cardigan, fresh from bed, it really did funny things to Jungwoo’s heart.

He turned on his phone screen and opened Joohyun’s contact.

_[to: Darling <3] [sent: 7:08 am]_

_So. Something happened last night. I’m still not sure how to say it. TL;DR: he-who-shall-not-be-named showed up at Heaven, suggested to get back together because he has a Hybrid for his abusive tendencies now, then he outed me to Taeil-Hyung, but turns out he didn’t kick me out nor was disgusted, idk what else happened my brain’s still busy computing, and I stayed the night because of the snow and now he’s making tea and I think I’ll implode._

_The good thing is, I’m here and didn’t travel to Gunpo to hide in the temple and watch my family like a pathetic stalker_

He hit send and scrambled off the sofa to shuffle to the kitchen, where Taeil was washing rice.

“Do you need help with something?” Jungwoo eyed the rice cooker. Would there be a proper breakfast?

Surely, there would be, right? Not just cornflakes and milk because that was the easiest way to get calories into your body…

“Absolutely not, as a guest you have to lean back and relax!” Taeil shook the sieve and dumped the content into the cooker before starting to measure water.

Jungwoo stood around awkwardly until he decided to sit on the kitchen table. The floor was heated and he shuffled his feet over it until he found the best spot to soak up the warmth.

The rice was followed up with Taeil taking a huge container from the fridge. He picked a pot and started to pour soup into it, then paused and looked up: “Do you prefer cereal or soup?”

Jungwoo wanted to cry in joy, but he didn’t, “soup would be amazing.”

Footsteps announced the arrival of another person and Jungwoo wasn’t surprised when it was Taeyong who came inside. He didn’t have his eyes fully opened and the adorable pink pyjama that had made a debut yesterday evening was now topped off with a huge fluffy robe he drowned in.

“Morning,” he rasped, voice even more nasal and deep than normal.

Taeil reached out to quickly pet over his head before returning his attention to the soup that was starting to smell delicious.

Taeyong waddled over to the tea and moved the teabags before apparently deciding it’d need a bit longer.

“Oh, Hyung. Forgot you were here,” he sat down on the tiles in front of Jungwoo and rested his head against his leg. Jungwoo reached down to carefully scratch behind his ears and Taeyong hummed in content for a moment, before it was replaced with a low purr.

It was so domestic and calm, a winter morning how it’d happen in dramas or books.

Jungwoo just let himself slip into it. He didn’t really belong but it didn’t feel like he didn’t, it felt like he fit right in.

Doyoung was the next to emerge, hair already brushed and pyjama replaced with jeans and a striped jumper.

“Good morning,” he walked over and took the tea bags from the water while everyone chorused back some version or another of the greeting.

“Was Yuta in the shower when you left?” Taeil asked.

“No. I tried to wake Jaehyun but he’s still in zombie-mode.”

Taeil nodded, “Doyoung, could you lend Jungwoo more clothing for the day? I’ll check on the two,” and he left, leaving the soup on the stove.

Doyoung took over and Taeyong seemed to have woken up by now. Jungwoo let his hands fall from his hair and he got up.

“I can lend you some stuff, just let me know what you want or choose yourself, I’m not territorial,” Doyoung announced.

“Thank you. For the pyjama, too.”

“No issue, any time.” Doyoung smiled softly and Jungwoo slumped lower into the chair and secretly couldn’t help wishing for every morning to be like this.

“Taeyong, could I help you with anything?” he offered when he realised Taeyong was starting to set the table.

“Oh, no, as a guest you shouldn’t at all! This is Jaehyunnie’s job but… well, he’s a lazy bum.” Taeyong beamed and Jungwoo nodded but not without feeling just a little dejected.

Taeyong had finished setting the table and Doyoung had finished tea, coffee, soup, and rice, by the time Taeil returned.

“How’s Yuta-Hyung?” Doyoung asked.

“He’s coming, he’ll take a shower. Jaehyun probably needs Taeyong-waking before joining the land of the living, though. He just whined at me.” Taeil ruffled his still messy hair and sat down in his usual spot.

They didn’t wait for Yuta but started digging in the moment Taeyong had dragged an extremely grumpy Jaehyun to the table.

Jungwoo tried not to think too much about what the soup reminded him of. Especially today, he couldn’t bear being reminded of his family and how nice a holiday it had always been with them.

He was here now. This was even nicer a place to be because no one here would scream at him for being abnormal, no one would cry upon finding out, and instead, there was good food and soft discussions over who was to blame the bathroom hadn’t been cleaned to Taeyong’s satisfaction.

Yuta looked worn out and wouldn’t raise his head but he let Jungwoo rub his back and even leaned into the touch. Jungwoo had always suspected the beagle would have to have this side to him, but this was the first time seeing behind the constant good mood that sometimes felt too forced.

He even managed to sneak his way into helping with dishwashing before taking a much-needed shower.

While Taeil announced he’d have to get ready to face the mother dragon, Taeyong, now dressed in a long-sleeve shirt made from sparkling fabric that looked like it’d be ridiculous but somehow wasn’t on him, started listing which tasks would have to be done to get the cooking done.

“Are we expecting guests?” Jaehyun asked when Taeyong had finished and Jungwoo had, honestly, wondered the same thing.

“No. We’ll really go all in!” Taeyong beamed.

Jungwoo tried to not think back to how the table would nearly bend under all the food his family would have for the Monday as the main day of celebrations.

The table here would bend, too, and it’d be even better because there’d be plenty of vegetarian dishes.

“If anyone doesn’t feel sick after lunch, Taeyong will have failed his job,” Doyoung explained and Jaehyun licked his lips.

“I will work very hard to not disappoint you, Hyung!”

Jungwoo was lost in trying to make the carrots look like Doyoung’s (and failing) when Taeil finally re-emerged from the bathroom.

“Taeyong, please, you need to do my tie, I look like an idiot!” he sounded stressed and Jungwoo looked up from the ugly carrots – and immediately regretted it. Taeil was in a dark blue suit that accentuated his body perfectly, his black hair styled up and back how he had never seen him wear it before but would be fit for a rich heir or banker or something of the likes. The white shirt perfected the look with a matching dark-blue tie, that was currently open around his neck, the clip on the lapel of the jacket.

He looked hot.

“Aigoo, Hyung, come here!” Taeyong dried his hands off on the kitchen towel pushed into his apron and stepped up. Jungwoo knew how to properly do a Windsor knot because his school uniform had not had the fake-ties but had them do them every morning, but he couldn’t just say he’d rather do it for Taeil. He wasn’t even sure how to do it on another person. Taeyong seemed to be perfectly capable and Jungwoo could guess why.

He pulled it up so it was closed around Taeil’s neck and clipped it against his shirt, and stepped back to let everyone see the finished result.

Jungwoo wanted to stop staring, but he couldn’t.

Taeil mumbled something that sounded like “fucking stupid-ass suits” and Taeyong huffed and put his hands on his hips. “No curse words, it’s not the gentleman’s way.”

“Sorry. I just feel like a clown. I wish my family wasn’t full of stuck-up snobs.”

“You look really handsome!” Doyoung immediately disagreed.

“Yes, super-handsome, like a lead in a drama!” Jaehyun agreed.

They both voiced what Jungwoo thought. He didn’t say that. His lips started tingling again and Jungwoo had to remember his ugly carrots to distract himself.

“Thank you, I’m sure my mom will disagree but I did everything I could. I hope you’ll have an amazing day and no one will get a tummy ache… oh, well, you have Jungwoo to look after you. Have fun watching the star sports thing and remember to text me and let me know if there’s any issue at all.” Taeil checked his watch, a big and flashy thing that Jungwoo had never seen on him before but that fit the look so extremely well.

“Don’t worry, we absolutely will. Have lots of fun and yummy food, okay?”

_[from: Darling <3] [sent: 10:52 am]_

_Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry but I’m also so happy to read that._

_I’m so glad it all turned out but I’m so sorry he did that._

_I hate him so much, I really want to kick his ass all to the fucking moon!_

_Did you implode?_

_I’m really living on your texts right now, especially the part where everything turned out fine <333_

_[to: Darling <3] [sent: 11:01 am]_

_I know, it’s almost unbelievable_

_Nearly. But I managed._

_We’re currently making enough food to feed half of Seoul._

_I helped but all the big tasks are done and now I’m just petting a really sad Hybrid and he’s trying very hard to not look sad but you can definitely tell_

_he seems okay with just lying on the sofa and I hope I can make him feel a bit better._

_How are you doing? <3_

_[from: Darling <3] [sent: 11:05 am]_

_So, it’ll be just enough to feed you? :P_

_Oh, is it the one with the skin-thing you talked about?_

_I’m cuddling Wendy rn, my father and the other men are gone to do “men-stuff” aka reinforcing the patriarchy while the women slave away in the kitchen. Love that. I snuck away and said I had to re-do my hair. No one asked, idk, I’m sure they’re currently ripping me apart but I really don’t care. I just want this to be over. Two more days ;;;;_

_[to: Darling <3] [sent: 11:11 am]_

_No, it’s Yuta, the nurse_

_Greet Wendy from me. _

_Ignore them! They’re just jealous coming five times means a quiet night for you while they’ve been stuck with missionary and men who don’t know a clitoris exists and immediately falling asleep once they’re done!!_

_[from: Darling <3] [sent: 11:13 am]_

_Wendy says to greet you back and she wishes you all the best for your scholarship and she believes in you <3_

_She also says to offer Yuta belly rubs if you want, she says those are great for dog Hybrids._

_I laughed. God, to think these people ask me if I had tried to sleep with men and how I could not like that, hysterical._

_[to: Darling <3] [sent: 11:17 am]_

_I am o f f e n d e d._

_Yuta’s now over my lap he smiled and it looked genuine and I’m so happy, so tell Wendy thank you!!_

_The food smells like heaven (pun intended)_

_[from: Darling <3] [sent: 11:19 am]_

_Sweetie, I worry over all the dad jokes you’re making recently_

_I’m happy you’re being fed well <3_

_Wendy had to leave to look after the baby, but I’ll tell her later_

_It’s okay you like dick, can’t relate, but that way I don’t have to handle it_

_My mum’s calling for me to help._

_Welp, better go back to that_

_[to: Darling <3] [sent: 11:21 am]_

_I was told I was funny T T_

_You can do it! You’re amazing! You’re the best! I love you <3_

Jungwoo did eat until he felt sick. He hadn’t even planned to, but it just happened because everything tasted absolutely amazing and there was so much to try and so much to get seconds, thirds, and fourths from.

It was a good thing watching tv didn’t require him to move because he wouldn’t have been able to.

In a pile of Hybrids, Jungwoo was able to get lost in the events on the screen and forget about the temple he hadn’t gone to, forget about the food his grandmother would have made, and forget about being lonely – because he wasn’t. Jaehyun gave him ‘ear scratches’ and Jungwoo had to admit, they were kind of dope even though the Hybrid announced his ears to be weird.

He didn’t even have to pretend to find the girl groups more exciting, no one asked or gave weird comments when he didn’t.

After the program ended, they stayed unmoving and just watched whatever followed until it was late and suddenly, there was Taeil in the living room door, looking as dashing as he had when he had left. Jungwoo tried to figure out where he was buried under whom and how to break free without kicking or hitting anyone.

“Looks like you had fun,” Taeil chuckled while pulling on his tie to loosen it.

“We did! How was your day, Hyung?” Jaehyun asked and Jungwoo had managed to get his legs free and was now struggling with his arms.

“Terrific. My stuck up family chose fancy places to be stuck up at and I was introduced to three daughters from good families I should date.”

The four Hybrids were immediately quiet and Jungwoo felt Taeyong tighten around his arm, that he had just tried to free.

“You’re not going to, right?” Doyoung finally asked. He looked annoyed, but there was worry in his voice.

Taeil had taken off his tie and jacket and sat down on the backrest. His eyes fell onto Jungwoo and he lingered for a moment too long. Jungwoo had to look away first.

No, they had said to forget about it.

“Of course not, when would I find the time to date?” he ruffled Doyoung’s hair and the bunny looked relieved.

“If you did, you will only date someone nice, right? Someone who gives good ear scratches, right? Someone who’s not, uh, you know, expecting us to be seen, not heard?” Jaehyun’s eyes were wide and shiny, “Someone like Jungwoo-Hyung?”

Jungwoo’s heart hammered in his chest now and he felt his face heat up a little.

“Of course, I would.”

Of course, he would – if Jungwoo was someone to be on eye-level with.

Even in the crushing silence of his flat, Jungwoo didn’t feel isolated and lonely today, instead, he buzzed through the rooms with the vacuum cleaner to let out all this tingling nervousness he felt.

He allowed himself to feel giddy with excitement, to let his thoughts go places still far away – because they weren’t unattainable anymore. He’d get there.

On Tuesday, the snow had molten and when Jungwoo stepped into the office, he felt like he returned home.

“Long time no see, almost didn’t recognise you,” Yuta grinned and nudged his elbow into Jungwoo’s ribs.

“I could say the same for you, did you lose your hairbrush?” Jungwoo teased and tugged on a strand.

“Hyung, it’s a new look I’m trying. Why does nobody understand this? It’s fashion!” Yuta sighed. He sounded better today, not like he was trying hard to be cheerful, but like he actually was.

“My bad. I just thought you forgot to brush it.”

Yuta rolled his eyes but he didn’t look genuinely upset, it was just banter.

“Good morning. I hope you got here well today? The weather looks a bit better,” Jungwoo’s heart immediately picked up pace when he heard Taeil.

They had agreed to forget about it and, for now, Jungwoo was going to do just that. Until he had figured himself out, then, he could reapproach Taeil and ask if he had feelings for him as well.

Until then, he’d just let the constant warmth in his chest be his companion.

“Much better, all trains were running and it’s still quiet from the holidays,” Jungwoo nodded happily.

“Speaking off, I’m expecting patients to pick back up today and we’ll probably be back to full the day after tomorrow,” Taeil announced.

His prediction had been correct. The phone occasionally rang, instead of barely every hour, but it was easy to fit everyone into a schedule and avoid long waiting times. Jungwoo even managed to break his own record at Solitaire while waiting. He would see if Sooyoung managed to get anywhere near it – though, admittedly, she had much less time to practice because she usually had actual work to do.

Like it’d become a new standard to get unpleasant calls late into the shift, shortly after three, Jungwoo answered the phone to be greeted with.

“_Yes, good afternoon, this is Seoul Gangnam Police station. Would it be possible to talk to Doctor Moon Taeil?”_

Jungwoo was so surprised, he didn’t answer for a second. What did the police want from Taeil?

“Yes, of course, may I ask on what topic? He’s currently with a patient, is it urgent?”

_“Not terribly. There was a confiscation at Incheon and the officers handling the situation made the executive decision to not hand the Hybrid over to a re-seller because it isn’t looking very healthy. My superior apparently has his family’s Hybrid in treatment with Doctor Moon? He asked me to call him._”

Jungwoo swallowed thickly. Not very healthy could be everything from a few scratches to on death’s doorstep, you never knew with people.

“Absolutely, I will alert him and have him on the phone for you in a moment, please hold the line,” Jungwoo’s fingers were a bit shaky when he put the police officer into the loop and dialled for the treatment room he assumed Tael and Yuta to be in.

_“Hey, Hyung, what’s up?”_

“I have a call from the police for Taeil-Hyung, it’s about a Hybrid they confiscated.”

There was a moment of silence, then, Jungwoo heard Yuta relay the message. Taeil’s answer was incomprehensible and Jungwoo waited.

_“He’s coming to the front, just a sec,”_

It wasn’t even half a minute until Taeil burst through the door and rushed to where Jungwoo was still holding the receiver.

“Did they give details?”

“Hybrid, not very healthy, confiscated in Incheon, superior has their Hybrid here and wants you to treat them,” Jungwoo rattled down.

“Thanks,” Taeil pressed the button to reconnect himself and Jungwo waited while he handled the call. He tried to make sense of what was happening, but with mainly ‘hm’ and ‘yes’ from Taeil, it was impossible to.

When he ended the call, he turned to Jungwoo. His eyes were dark and his face sent in his professional serious expression.

“It’s a cat Hybrid, late teens, and he’s apparently starved and skittish. They already have him at the police department but don’t know what to do with him.” Taeil took a deep breath and Jungwoo realised this wasn’t easy for him, “I’ll definitely take him in and see what I can do. He absolutely cannot be given to a seller in this condition, I’m so glad they did the reasonable thing and called. Could you go and pick him up? I can’t leave yet, I have a broken bone to straighten and a laceration to patch up. There’s nothing I could do you can’t. The most important thing is to make sure he’s in travelling condition and bring him here. Would you do that for me?”

Jungwoo didn’t have to even think for a single second, he immediately nodded.

The situation was unfamiliar and, honestly, a bit scary, but Taeil wouldn’t confront him with something he couldn’t handle, he had never done that before, Jungwoo could trust him.

“Is there anything else to remember?”

“Honestly, there’s no standard way to go about this. I don’t know what the Hybrid’s been through and I don’t know how they’ll react at all. Just remember this is a Hybrid that was probably abused and that has likely never been told they could even make an independent decision. I know this is a tough task, but I think you can handle it and it’s important to have experienced these before. They, unfortunately, happen from time to time.”

“If you trust I can handle it, I can,” Jungwoo nodded, meaning every word.

Taeil smiled, “Take a cap and use the company card, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can take a guess who it is, but I think it’s pretty easy, isn’t it?
> 
> Art of [Jaehyun](https://twitter.com/Liliarida_/status/1205234672147599360) Thank you so much <3
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	16. Chapter 16

The drive to the station was barely ten minutes by car, especially when the driver had as little regard for traffic rules as cab drivers usually had.

It was enough time to get shaky hands and cramp around the travel kit he had taken from the closet when he had left in a hurry.

Jungwoo reminded himself of Taeil’s words, he reminded himself that he was here because he was capable of helping this Hybrid. He had no reason to doubt his skills, they were good enough.

Even with that in mind, it remained impossible to judge the situation. Taeil had shown that it was something he wasn’t familiar with, much less used to. He might have four amazing Hybrids from different backgrounds but every Hybrid was different, every fate and every story incomparable. Jungwoo got that and it was scary.

He could push the fear down as much as he needed to function for now. He was going to be a doctor, he had to behave like one and do his job, not freak out.

Walking into a police station was a strange sensation. Jungwoo immediately felt like he had done something wrong when he hadn’t. He didn’t even jaywalk. Not like it was wise to do that in Seoul’s insane traffic, but he was definitely a role model citizen.

Luckily, he was quickly directed to the correct department and even found the man he had talked on the phone to.

“Ah, you’re Kim Jungwoo?”

Jungwoo nodded and held himself upright. He might be nervous inside, but if he didn’t show it, he’d even trick his own brain into thinking he was confident, “I am. I believe we also talked on the phone?”

“Oh, yes, a unique voice I’d recognise anywhere. Do you have identification? Standard procedure, you know, as the police we can’t slack with these rules.”

Jungwoo quickly produced his identification card and the man inspected it and nodded.

“I’ll show you the room. I’ll make a copy of this and have the release form ready, I’ll just need a signature and you’ll be good to go.”

“That’d work for me, thank you,” Jungwoo nodded and tightened his grip on the bag. Was it worrying it was this easy? Yes. But right now, he was glad it was because they could help the Hybrid.

He followed the officer, who brought him to what looked like an office of a higher-up that was on leave.

“Oh, right, we’ve been having a language issue. The cargo boat he was on was from China and none of us speak Mandarin, but there’s a picture dictionary on the table that’s been working somewhat okay. Well, I’m sure you’re the professional here. I’ll hurry with this.”

And with that, Jungwoo was left alone.

He knocked once and slowly pushed the door open.

He had been right, the room was an office, a big one at that, with a few armchairs for meetings and an impressive desk with a name-sign and a few certificates.

In one of the armchairs was a person, well, a Hybrid, and Jungwoo’s heart immediately sunk.

He had startled upright when Jungwoo had opened the door and his light green eyes were fixed on Jungwoo, watching him like he was expecting him to immediately attack like a downed zebra before a lioness.

“Hi,” Jungwoo softly greeted, hoping to show him he was harmless. He slowly entered the room and closed the door, keeping everything predictable for the other. The Hybrid was still staring at him, hardly even blinking to not miss a single movement.

Jungwoo did a quick visual assessment. The first thing standing out was the dirt all over him. His face, his hair, his clothing, everything was covered in dust and dark grease. The second was, how sunken in his face was. Probably underweight and under-fed, Jungwoo concluded. It just confirmed what he had already been told. It was glaringly obvious, after all.

“Hi, I’m Jungwoo.” He gestured at himself and the cat followed his hand movement but didn’t reply.

Jungwoo slowly walked over to where he was, and the Hybrid started to sink deeper into the chair.

His hair was multicoloured, but it was hard to tell which colours exactly because of how dirty it was. Jungwoo spotted orange and maybe black, but it might be the grease. Black in a normal tabby was rather rare. The suspicion he might be something else immediately crept upon him, but it wasn’t a major concern which breed the cat was, it wouldn’t matter in regards of treatment.

He crouched down, two steps from the armchair, to no longer tower over the other.

“What’s your name?” he tried but the Hybrid definitely didn’t understand him. Jungwoo’s Mandarin skills were next to non-existent, but he knew introductions. He’d have to try. “你好. 你叫什么名字?“

Realisation flashed over the other’s face, a bit of relief, and Jungwoo could only assume how terrifying this situation had to be if he couldn’t even understand a word.

“锟” he softly replied.

“Kun?” Jungwoo tried to mimic the pronunciation and probably failed to do so, but the other nodded.

Jungwoo gestured at himself “Jungwoo.”

Kun didn’t reply, but he looked like he had understood this time.

Jungwoo wrecked his brain how to get at least vitals from Kun. He hated the idea of touching him without any sort of explanation. Then, he remembered the dictionary.

He got up to fetch it and started flipping the pages. Kun still eyed him like he expected him to strike any moment.

Jungwoo couldn’t allow himself to ponder on how much experience was behind these expectations.

He found a picture of a doctor and while he wasn’t really one yet, he didn’t care about finer details right now. He turned the book to Kun and pointed at the picture, then at himself.

Kun glanced between him and the book. Again, de didn’t say anything, but the confusion didn’t return, so Jungwoo decided to carry on.

Nothing else seemed helpful, so acting things out it would be.

Jungwoo sat down on the chair next to Kun and stood up, the gestured at Kun, who understood him and did as asked. Jungwoo carefully watched him move. It was clear it was hard for him, but he didn’t even make a sound or allowed himself to take time where he might need it. He was masking his pain – probably for yet another cruel reason that Jungwoo couldn’t think about right now or he’d not be able to keep the professionalism up.

“Good, thank you, 谢谢.” Jungwoo had no idea how to teach anyone a new language but winging it seemed to work alright so far.

How could he get Kun to tell him if he hurt anywhere?

Jungwoo didn’t want to have him strip outside of a clean and safe setting, but if there was anything to take care of, he needed to know.

“I need to just give you a quick checkup.” Jungwoo tried but Kun looked confused, of course. He slowly reached out for the Hybrid, hoping he’d be able to anticipate the touch, and Kun reacted by squeezing his eyes shut and freezing.

Dread and disgust spread in Jungwoo’s chest over what the poor Hybrid must have experienced.

It couldn’t be helped, he couldn’t dwell on that now. A small check was absolutely necessary, even if Kun was scared and this was uncomfortable for both of them.

This was Jungwoo’s job!

He kept his touch as careful and light as he could and explained what he was doing, even though he knew he wouldn’t be understood. He hoped to at least soothe him by keeping his voice as gentle as he could.

He carefully patted up Kun’s arms, trying to feel anything out of place or get a reaction if there was pain anywhere. Kun kept his eyes shut tightly and didn’t move at all until Jungwoo reached his neck and touched his collar bone.

Jungwoo just slid a hand over it to feel any big injuries, that’d require attention before moving to the clinic, and Kun jerked away.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Jungwoo softly tried but Kun started trembling in fear and Jungwooo nearly couldn’t carry on.

He had to do this, so he could help him. It wasn’t pleasant for either of them, but it was what it was. He could only help him like this. Jungwoo took a deep breath and pulled on Kun’s collar because the clothing obscured his vision and didn’t let him made an educated decision on how serious an injury he had.

A dark bruise stretched over the entire shoulder, but there was no bleeding that would have to be stilled. Jungwoo let go of the fabric and it slipped back into place.

Ignoring the trembling and knowing he was doing just as much as he had to, he resumed his search. He could feel ribs even through the layer of clothing and Kun jerked away once more when he touched on his hip, the same side as the collar bone, left. Once more, it was a bruise. Painful but not urgent. Jungwoo had no clue where such an injury could have come from, but it might have just happened during travel.

Once he had reached the floor, he got up to change sides. Before repeating the same thing, he carded a hand through Kun’s hair, looking for parasites. Unsurprisingly, he saw something move. It looked like regular lice. He’d put his hat on him, so he’d not get those everywhere.

He moved behind Kun next. It didn’t even make a difference because Kun hadn’t been watching him. Regardless, Jungwoo kept narrating, as he would with any other Hybrid, while he moved his hands down his neck, over his shoulders, hoping to at least somewhat let Kun relax – but he stayed tense to the point of shaking.

His eyes landed on Kun’s tail and he almost gasped when he recognised the pattern. The tip was black, which turned into two stripes on rusty orange, then a circle with a spot in the middle, and another, bigger one, before it disappeared under the thin shirt.

Knowing breeds wasn’t all that important when it came to the care, but it was basically common knowledge for everyone deeper involved with Hybrids because of the power the breeding unions held and the importance put on a good pedigree. There was definitely only one type of breed that had this big-cat-mimicry: Bengalese cats.

Just like the real cat, it was a posh breed, one that was restricted to keep the supply sparse and the price up, allowing owners of these Hybrids to feel accomplished only through being able to get access to the market.

It meant Kun was worth millions on the market.

Endless relief that the police had obviously not realised, or not cared, and not given him to a shop took over. No doubt, he would have been immediately given to the highest bidder without thinking about his health for a single second. Even without the official passport, that he surely didn’t have anymore, collectors would be willing to put big money on the table to add him to a collection and show off their status.

Jungwoo pushed the realisation and the consequences it could have aside to continue his search. Once he was finished, he checked Kun’s pulse, which only confirmed that his heart was racing. He pulled out the stethoscope and tried to listen for obvious rattling or anything else that’d be highly alarming. Through the fabric of the shirt, all he could hear was Kun’s heart. Nothing that couldn’t wait, that was good.

“I’m done. Sorry, Kun.” He softly announced but Kun kept his position for a few more seconds until he realised it was over.

Jungwoo would not get any more results from him like this. Kun was in pain and hurt, clearly, but he could be moved without doing additional damage, was the decision he came to. It was a little scary to make it all by himself, but Taeil had given him that responsibility and Jungwoo had collected everything he needed to make it. He would stand by it. He’d have to get him to the office and everything else could be taken care of there.

He picked up his hat and pulled it over his head to show what he wanted him to do, knowing Kun was watching him again, then handed it over.

Kun was hesitant, but then mirrored him and Jungwoo nodded approvingly when he let his hair and ears disappear underneath it. He even looked relieved to hide his tail in his trousers, which further fuelled all sorts of worries in Jungwoo.

Hybrids didn’t like hats that squashed their ears or their tails restricts, he knew that from the kids and discussions over appropriate winter-wear. Why Kun seemed to look more relaxed now than with freedom, he could only try to guess.

“Okay, let’s go, shall we?” he got to his feet and gestured to the door. Kun took a step that direction, eyes never leaving him and apparently looking for approval before continuing.

Jungwoo tried to assure him he wouldn’t harm him, but especially without words, it was extremely hard. With lots of nodding and smiling, he managed to guide Kun out the door and back to where he had come from.

“Oh, you’re done already? I’m almost finished here. We’ll have a replacement passport made for the Hybrid, on Doctor Moon’s name. Obviously, it’s not going to qualify it for any insurance or include any guarantees, but it’s legit as identification to city officials,” the officer explained. It was standard procedure for any Hybrid that had lost their original identification.

“Thank you for your troubles and re-registering_ him,_” Jungwoo hoped the man heard what he was trying to imply, but it didn’t seem he did.

“Of course, it’s my job. I’m kinda glad you’re taking it, it freaked me out a bit. You know, cats, especially the male ones, it’s always a little weird.” The man laughed but Jungwoo didn’t join him.

“How so, did _he_ do anything?”

“No, no, you know what I mean?” the police officer laughed more but it started to sound fake and he glanced at Kun, who was watching both humans in alert.

“I really don’t, sorry,” Jungwoo, of course, knew what he was talking about but he also knew the officer could hardly make his case. He preferred to let him bang his bead against the wall and hopefully realise his own mistake. If he started a discussion here and now, Kun would likely get more scared because he had no way of understanding. That was the last thing he wanted right now, nevermind Kun needed food, water, a bath, and proper clothes.

The police officer looked like there were actually some gears turning in his head when he opened the file that apparently contained everything they’d need.

Jungwoo accepted his ID back and signed the papers that’d allow Kun to come with him before taking the next cab he could hail.

Kun didn’t say a single word. Other than his name, he had yet to speak and Jungwoo assumed that breeders probably didn’t exactly encourage heir cat Hybrids to do so.

At least he didn’t actively rebel. Jungwoo wasn’t sure he would have been qualified to handle that. He did whatever Jungwoo gestured for him to do without question, which in itself was unsettling but easier to deal with than stubbornness or even aggression.

The office was quiet already when Jungwoo entered it, and he didn’t bother making Kun sit down anywhere but brought him straight to the back.

With parasites, there was absolutely no doubt quarantine was where he’d need to be, even though Jungwoo felt terrible for isolating him and making him lonely. It was to help him. He didn’t do it to be cruel, which was the only thought that helped him pull through with it.

He gestured to his head and Kun returned his hat, which Jungwoo immediately put into a bag to have it go straight to the wash. He gave up his jacket just as easily and Jungwoo packed it up in another bag, as he did with the shoes.

While they definitely would have to get Kun up to a healthy weight, more pressing was the question about his level of hydration. Jungwoo wanted to ask, but Kun didn’t understand him and it was maddening to lack proper communications.

Jungwoo decided to just have him drink. It wasn’t like too much would hurt him, but, just to be safe, added some electrolytes to the water.

Kun slowly sipped it while Jungwoo prepared the bed for him and readied more clothing – the simple hospital wear for now. Other than never taking his eyes off him, Kun didn’t seem to mind him too much, which was good. Or maybe not because he behaved like a trained dog would and Jungwoo hated it.

After a little more waiting and awkward silence, there was a knock on the door and it opened with Taeil poking his head inside.

“Hi,” he smiled and stepped inside.

“Hey,” Jungwoo was endlessly relieved to see him. Taeil had done this before, he knew how to handle it. More importantly, he now wasn’t alone anymore.

Taeil walked over to the Hybid and Jungwoo realised how spooked Kun suddenly looked, his ears flattening against his skull and tail frozen behind him.

It didn’t go unnoticed by Taeil, who stopped far enough away. Kun’s eyes flitted between Taeil and Jungwoo and Jungwoo figured having to watch two people was a lot harder and possibly the reason why he was scared now.

“I’m Taeil, what’s your name?”

“He doesn’t speak Korean. He’s from China, the police said, he only answered one question I asked in Mandarin,” Jungwoo softly filled in.

Taeil nodded, his face set in concern.

He did the same that Jungwoo had earlier, he put his hand to his chest and said “Taeil,” he gestured at Kun.

But there was no answer, just wide, scared eyes.

“Okay, this will be a bit harder. No problem. We can do this,” Taeil seemed to give himself a small pep talk and Jungwoo realised he was getting a looking into a situation that even Taeil wasn’t on top of.

He decided to try and step in. He hardly knew what he was doing as well, but he had some ideas and, so far, it had worked okay.

He gestured at Taeil and repeated, “Taeil,” then at himself, hoping Kun remembered and would still understand, “Jungwoo,” then at Kun, hoping he’d take the cue.

It worked. The answer was in a small voice, but Kun gave the melodic “Kun,” again.

“Kun. Very nice,” Taeil smiled but Kun didn’t relax, “Thanks, Jungwoo, you’re amazing. Did you notice anything so far?”

“A bit. I’m assuming he’s underweight but he drank quite willingly and overall was extremely easy to work with. I think he’s overwhelmed with two people because he was constantly watching me and now he has two people to monitor. He was more relaxed before. He gave a pain reaction to me touching his left collar bone, as well as on the left on his hip, but since both are bruises I didn’t do anything about that yet. Pulse was very hurried, but to be expected in this situation. Lung and heart sounded okay over clothing, but I didn’t look into it further,” Jungwoo swallowed, remembering how terrified Kun had been during the examination, “I’m also rather sure he has at least one type of parasite, hair lice.”

“Mm, that’s likely, especially when he looks this neglected,” Taeil nodded.

Jungwoo nibbled on his lower lip for a second, trying to remember if he had forgotten anything.

“He’s a Bengalese, I’m pretty sure,” he whispered.

Taeil definitely knew as well as him what that implied.

“And this mistreated?” he returned, keeping his voice calm to not let Kun think there was anything bad going on.

“Nothing’s holy to some people.” Jungwoo bitterly replied.

“Unfortunately, no. And, unfortunately, language barrier or not, I will have to look into this. Could you give me a hand?”

Jungwoo was surprised, “What about Yuta?”

“I sent him home. He’s okay when there’s a clear professional distance but with cases like this, where there’s no owner and no home for the Hybrid to go, basically making this their current one, he’s very bad. It’s partly because he’s Yuta, and partly because of instincts, that he’ll be very protective of his family, which extends to Hybrid living in the clinic, he told me. Basically, he’ll suffer for them. You know as much as I do that we need to distance ourselves from our patients. He’s not been doing too terribly well these days, it’s always harder in winter. It’s not a situation I want him to be in right now.”

Jungwoo knew exactly what Taeil was talking about, from the professional distance to Yuta being subdued and sad, only just better today.

For him, too, this was a challenge and new, a bit scary, but he was willing to face it and grow from it.

“Yes, of course, no problem.”

“Thank you. Sorry for the over-hours,” Taeil turned and opened the drawer to produce gloves for himself and Jungwoo. Jungwoo remembered what had happened last time he had stayed for longer.

His face grew a little warmer and he had to snap himself out of it.

Kun had slowly backed himself away into a corner, glass still in hand.

“Kun, we need to do a small examination to take care of everything that hurts,” Jungwoo softly explained. He knew Kun’s attention was on him but he was frozen in his spot. He waved him closer, which had worked earlier, and Kun hesitated for a moment, glancing at Taeil, back at Jungwoo, and at Taeil again. Then, he slowly crept out of his corner and towards Jungwoo, but he looked so unwilling and uncomfortable, Jungwoo’s stomach turned.

Trained behaviour, clearly. Given a choice, he wouldn’t have come.

It couldn’t be helped. He couldn’t feel too much pity for Kun, not when they needed to help him. Jungwoo swallowed it down and didn’t allow more of the feelings to bubble up.

It helped.

He took the glass from Kun and managed to have him sit down in a chair, where Taeil slowly approached him. The second Kun realised he would be touched, he closed his eyes and froze like he expected some sort of cruelty, again.

Where Jungwoo had had to take a break and calm down, Taeil seemed to have experienced behaviour like this before and remained professional.

“I’ll start with looking through your hair, so I can see what’s going on here,” he softly narrated and slowly put a hand on Kun’s head. He held still, how he had earlier, and Taeil started to comb through the dirty strands and parting it to inspect.

Jungwoo waited, hovering to the side and switching between watching Taeil work and monitoring how Kun did, but he was just perfectly unmoving in his spot, with his eyes shut.

“I see lice and nits… tons of them. His scalp is also in bad condition. These are not from his travelling, he must have had these for months, years even maybe. But it’s only basic hair lice. Do you have a suggestion for treatment?”

Lice were no rarity, it happened with children all the time. They’d not kill anyone but they were a hassle and happily spread given the chance.

“Ointment to kill off lice and nits, comb out nits, wait 10 days and repeat. Clean out anything that might give the lice a breeding ground,” Jungwoo rattled down. Even if Kun had had these for years, it wouldn’t change the treatment, only how long combing out the nits would take and the time of recovery for the skin they had used to feast on.

“Correct. I think I still have some in the front so we could do that straight away.” Taeil concluded his search and gently scratched behind Kun’s ear. It seemed like he relaxed maybe a little and he opened his eyes, which was a relief.

Taeil gave him praise, but he also had his way with Hybrids, Jungwoo thought.

“Alright, I’ll move on to your ears.”

They managed to get a throughout physical done even without being able to talk. Kun was so compliant, he did whatever asked without hesitation. He even stripped, not batting an eyelash. Jungwoo didn’t allow his mind to go there and get angry, he strictly focussed on supporting Taeil in getting a diagnosis as quickly as possible.

Other than the lice, there were bruises all over him, most of them older and healing, just the ones on his hips and collar bone were still fresh and hurting.

“I don’t think it’s broken, it’s just swollen. Even if it is, it’s in the right position to heal, so I think we should just get the lice taken care of and some calories into him,” Taeil pulled away from where he had pressed onto Kun’s bone and the Hybrid took a shaky breath and sniffled.

Jungwoo crouched down and handed him a tissue, which he accepted to blow his nose quietly.

Feeding Kun would be Jungwoo’s first impulse as well. Now that the clothes were off, it became clear just how skinny, downright boney, he was.

“I’ll make a trip to the pharmacy to get something that he can handle but that will also give him nutrients. I want to get bloodwork done tomorrow, but it’s not that terribly urgent. I doubt anyone kept his vaccinations up to date. Definitely have to check his teeth as well. All of that can wait. Could you do the lice treatment? The faster we get him a bath the better, and the faster he can rest.” Taeil looked like he mentally made a checklist of all the things to consider.

Jungwoo hadn’t even remembered vaccinations, nor teeth, but both obviously would have to be taken care of. It was fine, he hadn’t done this before while Taeil, clearly, had. Next time it’d happen, which, hopefully, wouldn’t be soon, Jungwoo would know what to do as well.

Still, it looked like Taeil, underneath a set and serious face, was more nervous than Jungwoo was.

After all, he was the one in charge of this Hybrid now, he was making all the decision. Jungwoo’s thoughts went to psychological aspects that might only show with time, that he hadn’t even yet talked about. That, too, would fall onto Taeil. This trained behaviour that Kun was showing, as well as this fear, it was all on Taeil to address it.

He could only try to imagine how scary that must be, to have so much responsibility – even more so when you had such high expectations in yourself as Taeil did but were still so young.

Jungwoo would try and help him wherever he could but he would also take every chance to learn from it.

“Yes, I can do that.”

Jungwoo found the ointment in the storage closed and returned to Kun having finished the water he had put back into his hands before leaving, looking tiny in the blanket they had wrapped him up in.

Just like earlier, he held still while Jungwoo rubbed the chemicals into his hair, the fur on his ears and on his tail. He just watched while Jungwoo narrated what he did just to fill the silence.

The packaging said to let sit for an hour, so, Jungwoo turned on a timer and got Kun more water but discouraged him from drinking it yet. If he was too full, he’d eat less and eating seemed more important after he had gotten some liquids into his system. If he wouldn’t, they might have to give him an IV drop for vitamins, but it was a bit of a risk when you couldn’t explain it shouldn’t be touched and he’d not gain any weight from that either.

So far, Kun had been so calm, Jungwoo didn’t expect it to be an issue, but needles were a touchy subject. He’d rather spare Kun.

He found an App to learn Korean in the Play Store and downloaded it.

It was chaptered. Jungwoo opened the first and startled when his phone started to speak in very clear and loud Korean.

He found the pause button and sighed, shaking his head.

Kun had obviously never taken his eyes off him. When Jungwoo turned his direction, he realised there was a tiny smile on his face.

Relief spread in his chest. A smile… that was good, very good! In fact, Jungwoo had possibly never been happier to see someone smile than he did right now.

He hoped to see more of it, in the future.

Jungwoo found the language settings and turned it to simplified Mandarin. He wasn’t sure how well Kun would be able to read, but it was worth a shot. Surely, he at least knew the basics?

He scooted a little closer to where Kun was sitting, so he could hold his phone his direction and let him see.

Kun stared at the phone in confusion, then up at Jungwoo, who wiggled it his direction, hoping to encourage him to take it.

The message got across and Kun carefully closed his fingers around it, eyes flitting over the screen.

Jungwoo could see the recognition, followed by relief, on his face. He could only imagine how it must feel to finally see something familiar, that he understood.

Jungwoo tapped where the first lesson had been and the phone started talking again, but now in Mandarin, then in Korean. Just basic introductions, my name is this, I’m this many years old. Kun stared at the screen in fascination and concentration, not even remembering to check on Jungwoo anymore.

The lesson stretched on for about five minutes, and when it was over and silence filled the room, Kun was back to observing him, but his face was slightly more relaxed, not looking like he expected punishment for nothing. Jungwoo was glad to have found this way to maybe help just a little.

He repeated the lesson, but Kun didn’t try to mimic what was said. It was fine. He hopefully would in the future, or at least it’d help him understand.

Taeil returned when there were five minutes left on the timer and Kun sunk back into the chair, lesson no longer enough to distract him, his sticky ears flattening into his equally sticky hair.

“I’m back. I bought protein bars, I think those should work best, for now. I, unfortunately, don’t have any experience with bringing someone back to a healthy weight, but the pharmacist recommended these and I know she’s absolutely trustworthy, so it’ll be fine for now. I’ll read up on it by tomorrow.” Taeil set the plastic bag wit the pharmacy logo on it down.

“There are only four minutes left for his hair, maybe he should bathe first?” Jungwoo suggested and glanced on his phone, still in Kun’s hands, to check if he was right.

“Oh, yeah, good idea. Did you have any issues?”

“No. I downloaded a language learning app. I think he likes it.”

“An App! You’re a genius!” Taeil gasped and Kun startled, “Sorry, sorry!” Taeil looked regretful, but the spark of excitement was still in his eyes. Jungwoo’s skin prickled when he turned to him once more, face lit up in happiness, “That’s an amazing idea, Jungwoo, I kept thinking about how to help him with that and thought about which books I had for Yuta. This is even better, you already took action!”

Jungwoo just nodded, his heart loud in his ears. It would seem he was actually contributing in ways Taeil couldn’t. That was unexpected. Just as much as Taeil’s small outburst.

“Okay, well, let’s see if he’ll make a decision if I give him options,” Taeil took three differently coloured bars from the bag and came over.

“Why would he not?” Jungwoo carefully asked.

“Breeders will train them into expecting someone else to make it for them, it’s part of fitting them a will-less personality that won’t talk back. It’s a very basic first step to take in helping them become their own people, but it’s also a hard one. The first month or so is the most difficult one, in my opinion. But we can do this. I’ve done it before, I’m sure I can help him get better.” Taeil, again, sounded like he was trying to tell himself this.

He crouched down and Kun’s eyes were fixed on him now, having decided that Taeil was the more serious threat, apparently.

Taeil held the three bars his direction.

“Which one do you like?” he asked and Kun stared at them, unmoving. Taeil tried gesturing, but Kun only looked more confused.

Jungwoo’s heart sunk. He had learnt about many issues in Hybrid breeding and in their treatment, however, seeing one so overwhelmed by a seemingly minor and normal task was something else entirely.

Taeil seemed much less upset, his experience showing. Jungwoo remembered when Jaehyun, in summer, hadn’t been sure if he could choose his own Bubble Tea. Obviously, he had been far, far further removed from the original training engrained already, but it let Jungwoo conclude Jaehyun would have probably behaved the very same when he had first come and been given options. Maybe the other three, too?

Likely, it was a universal experience. After all, dog, cat, or bunny, they were supposed to be dependant on their owners. He couldn’t recall any of his friends ever having let their Hybrids – nanny or ‘company’ – make any decisions. When he had been a kid, he hadn’t even wasted another thought on it, even now, that he was much more aware of the workings of the industry, he hadn’t gotten hung up on decisions being made for Hybrids because it happened so naturally in everyday life.

Only by slowing down, stepping back, and addressing it, did he realise how deep-rooted an issue it was. It would have been easy to give Kun any of these, that was what Jungwoo probably would have done without even thinking about it, just for convenience and how you’d do for a child.

Kun wasn’t a child, at least not one little enough to still make decisions for – especially such small ones.

Jungwoo could suddenly much better understand why Taeil would be nervous and have to reassure himself even if he had done this before. Ignorance was a blessing and while he still could, Jungwoo wanted to use it to his advantage in helping make this easier – without wanting to stay that way, of course.

He was very much serious in thinking about helping a Hybrid in the future, even outside of his profession.

Taeil singled out the type strawberry and gestured at the fruit printed onto it. “Strawberry?” Kun glanced between the bar and Taeil, then at Jungwoo, before returning to the bar. Then, he nodded, to confirm he had understood. Jungwoo wanted to tell him how great he was doing, but he couldn’t bring it across with the language barrier.

Taeil held up the vanilla and repeated the same procedure, then finished off with the chocolate one. He went back to strawberry and tried to get Kun to indicate if he liked it – thumbs up – or not – thumbs down.

Once more, wide green eyes flitted between Taeil and Jungwoo, as if he was looking for help. It was heartbreaking.

Taeil didn’t give up, he picked up the vanilla next and tried the same, then tried with chocolate. Still, no reaction.

The timer running out and loudly beeping interrupted the session and Taeil’s smile faltered a little. Jungwoo took his phone back from Kun to silence it.

“Well, that was a failure. But we’ll try again once he’s clean.”

Jungwoo showed the scared little bundle of dirt to the bathroom, where he found a towel Kun could use. He helped him with the settings and let him to it, which seemed to surprise Kun, but Jungwoo was sure he knew how to wash himself.

Taeil was typing away on his phone when Jungwoo returned but put it down when he heard him enter.

“Everything okay?”

“I think so, he nodded when I explained he’d have to rinse the ointment thoroughly and showed him everything. He didn’t look too confused.”

“Good. Good, very good, yes, it’ll be fine,” Taeil ran a hand through his hair.

“Hyung?” Jungwoo carefully asked and Taeil’s eyes snapped his direction, “It will be. You’re doing amazing with Taeyong, Jaehyun, Yuta, and Doyoung, why should it be different now? I know you’ll figure it out, and I’d be all too happy to help you with whatever you need.”

Taeil visibly swallowed, but he still looked unsure, “Yeah, but I never got someone from circumstances like this. Who knows what’s been done to him? He’s doing okay now, but the mental issues usually only slam in a day or two after, god knows what else he might have. Not to mention, a Bengalese! I can’t trust anyone else with him! Not a chance! I normally find good homes for strays, but I do not want anyone to have him and make a dirty profit on his back. I’ll have to talk to the kids, see if one of them would share his room. I’ll definitely have to run a test for every possible auto-immune disease, yeah, I’ll do that.”

“Taeil-Hyung?” Jungwoo had slowly moved over to where Taeil looked like his head was going to start smoking. He carefully put a hand on his shoulder and he felt incredibly tense under his fingers, “Take a deep breath. I’m sure the kids will be very welcoming. I can’t see them denying another person help, especially another Hybrid. We can do a big screening tomorrow, once he’s slept, you’ve slept, and he’s realised he can stay here for now.”

Taeil seemed to deflate underneath him and Jungwoo wanted to hug him and tell him it was okay, he was going to figure this out because he was amazing and had a heart of pure gold, he just couldn’t save the world in one day, but it didn’t feel right.

“Yes. Yes, you’re right. Thank you. I really needed that reminder,” Taeil took a huge breath and let it out through his nose, then looked up at Jungwoo, “I’d appreciate help. I have done this before, but I don’t want to pretend it’s been easy. If you’d be here to remind me of these things I should know, it’d be a huge relief.”

“Of course,” Jungwoo wanted to be here for him. To think he actually could help him, support him, and not just watch in awe, was new – but it was exactly what he wanted to do, who he wanted to be for Taeil.

He wanted to help Kun just as much as Taeil did. They could do it together. As a team.

They sat down in quiet and waited until the Hybrid eventually returned from the bathroom.

His hair was bright orange with bold black stripes, now that the dirt was gone, and he already looked healthier by at least a little just because his skin was no longer dusty and sickly-looking.

It was probably ridiculously ignorant to do, but Jungwoo couldn’t help think it would all work out perfectly fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls don't rely on my measly info on how to take care of underweight people.
> 
> Also, there'll be more chapters over the holidays, I just don't have a plan so... just... keep your eyes open, the regular posting schedule is officially on break until next year ^^
> 
> [Kun, Bengalese Cat](https://www.bengalcats.co/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/thor-bengal-cat.jpg)  
[CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check the tags, I added once revelant for this chapter but also for the future!

The streets of Anam were quiet despite the late hour – normally, students would be partying regardless of the weekday. Today, most would be with their families or just returned, not ready to hit the streets again.

The lock on the door beeped loudly and Jungwoo was greeted by silence and darkness.

With a deep sigh, he took off his shoes and waddled right into his kitchen. The clock on the stove read 20:36. He ripped the fridge open and just helped himself to the closest bottle of juice before he filled the kettle to boil water for Ramen. He usually cooked for himself, nowadays, but some occasions just called for instant noodles.

He was too tired to cook after an afternoon so full of surprises and emotional ups and downs.

His phone vibrated against his leg and Jungwoo startled and dropped the whole pack, which landed on the counter with a small crunching noise.

The name on the display immediately made him worry.

_<incoming: Darling <3>_

“Hey, what’s wrong?” the words fell from his mouth while he grabbed his ramen to prepare with one hand.

“Hey,” Joohyun’s voice was thick and choked up, “Hey, I…” she broke off and Jungwoo’s heart clenched for her. He paused where he had just taken a bowl from the shelf and dumped the uncooked noodles into it. She needed a moment and Jungwoo had a moment for her, he had endlessly many moments. However many she’d need, he’d give. He could not only support Taeil, but he could also support her.

“Sorry, I’m calling. I just… I’ll come home. I’m packing right now. I can’t take this anymore, I just needed to hear someone tell me I’m not… I’m not all these things they say.”

“Darling, don’t be sorry, I’m always here for you, you know that? Because you’re the sweetest, kindest, most loveable, and responsible best friend I have. Listen only to me, okay? How far along packing are you? Do you need me to pick you up?”

“No. I’ll just take a cab. I’m almost done, I’m just throwing everything… everything together. Yeah,” her voice shook and the line only emphasised it, making her sound so close to breaking, Jungwoo wanted to get up and walk to Gunpo to get her, but he knew he couldn’t.

“Good, yes, that’s the right decision. Do you want me to call Jennie?” Jungwoo poured the water over his noodles and the powder before covering everything with a lid.

“No… Yes… I don’t know. She’s still with her mother and I don’t want to rip her away or anything. I’m sorry I’m annoying you, but at least it won’t be lonely anymore, right?” she tried to chuckle but failed, just some wet hiccupping making it past.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you so, so much, I’ve missed my adorable and wonderful roommate the most. Regarding Jennie, I don’t want to get rid of you, I just wanted to know if you’d prefer her but I’m here for you and I’m glad to be.”

“Thank you. Thank you, sweetie. I’d… I’d rather not annoy her. I already whined so much about having to visit them and sent her so many texts, she must be fed up. You must be fed up. I’m such a hassle, I’m sorry for being such a mess.”

“Darling, no! You’re none of these things, there’s nothing to be sorry for. I insisted you contact me the moment you felt negatively and I still do. I’m glad you called. You deserve all the love and support you need to get through that,” Jungwoo meant every word even though he often envied Joohyun for having her family. He knew she suffered.

Projecting his own wishes into her reality wouldn’t benefit either of them.

“Thank you, I… thank you, Jungwoo, really. I always loved you, but these last months? Jungwoo, I can’t even tell you how much I feel like we’re finally back to really being best friends, how grateful I am that we still can be after everything. Which is why I need to come home and hear everything about your Seollal experiences with four Hybrids and about your crush accepting you and your preference and everything else, please? I’ll leave now, can you… can you hold the line? I just need to know you’re there?” Joohyun sniffed again.

“Of course, I want to always be there for you. I’ll be eating my dinner, so you can hear you’re not alone.” Jungwoo picked a pair of chopsticks and opened the lid, steam rising together with the wonderful scent of his kimchi noodles. Maybe, he should add some actual Kimchi? Jungwoo stirred and decided that would be a good idea, so, he opened the fridge again and pulled the container out.

On the other end of the line, he could hear Joohyun giving herself the small motivational speech she had in store for cases like this, then a door opened.

His fancy dinner was done and he started slurping the noodles while her suitcase rolled over the tiled floor. He was familiar with the hallway in the Bae’s family home. Very familiar – even though no one but Joohyun and Wendy knew he was.

From what he knew, she, Wendy, and her parents had returned there earlier today. Jungwoo imagined her walking towards the entrance hall and door. Not much further, she was almost there.

She stopped and he heard her pick up shoes, then a coat and scarf. He leaned against the counter while fishing for the broken-off parts of the noddles. Due to the unfortunate fall, there were more of the annoying little things in here than he liked.

“Uh, Jungwoo, I can hear my dad coming, this might become ugly,” Joohyun suddenly whispered, panic lacing her voice.

Jungwoo could relate to her panic so much, but he was removed enough to not freak out himself.

“I’m here, darling. I’m here.”

He heard his voice, booming and slurring words from alcohol.

To the outside world, the Bae family was posh, well-off, sophisticated, with a nanny Hybrid and two beautiful daughters, one married with a child and one studying at a SKY university in Seoul.

It was just a façade, how so many things were. Joohyun never talked about it, but Jungwoo knew alcohol was a problem in her family.

Once more, he experienced why.

He heard the words the man said, every single one, because of how raised his voice was. They were so full of hatred and disgust for his own child, Jungwoo felt a little sick and only stirred in the left-overs of his soup while Joohyun yelled back at him.

They were similar to what his own father had called him almost two years ago. Not quite as terrible as them, but close, still horrible to have thrown at you.

She was yelling, fighting back where Jungwoo lost his voice, but hearing what he called her, what he thought of her… Jungwoo slowly started to understand why returning there was hell for her.

If she had to face this daily – then, yes, it would be better to just not go at all.

Just trying to understand that they didn’t choose who they fell in love with, just trying to see how it was still love and not something disgusting and unnatural that was inherently sinful, that was all they’d have to do and they’d get to ‘keep’ the daughter they thought lost.

But they didn’t.

Most didn’t.

Jungwoo dumped the rest of his Ramen into the rubbish bin and walked to the bathroom where he started taking off his clothes, starting from the socks so he could still listen what was going on at the Baes’ home in Gunpo.

The bang of a door being slammed shut ended the argument and Jungwoo was almost relieved it had been left unsolved.

“Sorry. Fuck!” Joohyun groaned and he heard her soft boots on the hallway, stopping in front of the lift where she waited.

“It wasn’t you who started it, don’t be sorry. You’ve done it, you got out of there. You’ll take a cap and come home, and we’ll talk all about the Idol Star Championships, and hot boy groups’ muscles, and then we can talk about the Hybrid that I picked up from the police station today.”

Joohyun sniffed and, presumably, nodded.

“He’s from China, but we don’t really know much more yet because of an obvious language barrier. He’s a Bengalese, do you know those?”

“Yes, I do. They look like little leopards. They’re really cute,” Joohyun whispered. The lift seemed to have arrived and she stepped inside.

“Yes, they do. The Hybrids have the markings on their tails, too, it’s really stunning but I’ve never even seen one in real life because they’re crazy expensive and rare. Well, he seems to be quite the sweetheart but it’s hard to tell because we can’t communicate much and he’s really stuck in his trained persona. But I know we can help him!”

“Yes, yes, that’s so wonderful!” Joohyun sounded like it was exactly what she needed to hear. She had arrived on the ground floor, and Jungwoo kept talking while he got undressed, while he showered, while he re-dressed, while he did his skincare routine.

It took her a bit over an hour to arrive at their doorstep. By then, Jungwoo’s voice was hoarse but he didn’t care when he could finally hug her and she clung to his cardigan, feeling tiny in his arms.

She had made it out of there, she was back to safety, to where she was loved.

Unconditionally.

But the baggage of knowing her own parents wouldn’t be that place was something Jungwoo couldn’t take off her shoulders, no matter how much he hugged her, told her she was perfect and loveable.

Because it was the same weight constantly on his own mind, a shadow that even lingered on memories of eating until he felt sick and of tangling up with four Hybrids on the sofa, no matter how much he wanted to see the light in them.

When Jungwoo returned to Heaven on Wednesday, Yuta was almost vibrating with energy. It was something that couldn’t be faked and it put a smile on his face just seeing him.

“Taeil said the new guy’s going to stay if we’re okay, which we’re a-okay, Taeyong will share his room, I think he nearly fainted when he heard it was another cat, ah, it’s so exciting! It’s exciting, right?” Yuta shook Jungwoo by his arm to show just how great news these were, and Jungwoo chuckled.

“It’s very exciting, I hope Kun will fit right in.”

Yuta immediately sobered and nodded with a sombre face, “I hope so, too. It can be really scary. I asked Taeil-Hyung if I could bring him food, but he said no. I just want to. I didn’t know any Korean when I first came, either, and I was in a really bad place, mentally. I just want to help him, let him know it’ll be okay now.”

Jungwoo reached out to pet over Yuta’s head, which had become a natural reaction whenever a Hybrid was around, and the beagle leaned into the touch.

“I’m sure there’ll be a chance very soon. Taeil-Hyung probably doesn’t want to overwhelm you. I know you guys are his number one priority,” Jungwoo felt no bitterness admitting that. He knew he would never be that, even in a hundred years – it was fine. It was part of Taeil and a part he admired and loved just as much as everything else.

“Yeah, I know, it would have probably been a bit much yesterday, especially the day before, but I’m over that episode. I’ll try and prove it to him!” Yuta looked full of zest for action and it seemed like the sad and subdued Hybrid from Monday was just a faint memory.

Jungwoo hadn’t asked him, he knew Taeil didn’t want to tell him, and he was fine with that. It didn’t mean he didn’t still piece together the pieces he did have. After all, he was going to be a doctor and a doctor’s main task was diagnosing their patients by using all information they could gather to get to the most accurate judgement possible to find a suitable treatment.

That is was psychological was not even a question. It meant it was less familiar to Jungwoo because it wasn’t his field of expertise – not only because Hybrids were, generally, not treated for ailments of the mind but also because no doctor was an expert in all medical fields. He could only see signs and made an assumption based on which he’d relay Yuta to someone more fit to help him.

“Do that!” Jungwoo smiled and hoped that Yuta’s next depressed phase was still far off, or maybe it wouldn’t return at all. Unfortunately, he knew it wasn’t in anyone’s hand to decide or there would not be any need for clinics, doctors, and nurses to begin with.

That might be a nice idea but it wasn’t reality. In reality, there were illnesses and suffering of all kind – and he was where to lessen it.

Taeil seemed unimpressed by Yuta’s whining and assigned himself to lunch-deliver-duty, which now included some fried fish.

“Wow, salmon?” Jungwoo eyed the piece that Taeyong had decorated with some herbs in heart-shape.

“Yeah, I know, we’re getting fancy here but I want him to have something yummy and Taeyong accredits salmon with basically magical powers. Any fish, 99% of cat Hybrids will be on board with, but salmon is actually not that bad an idea because it’s quite fatty.”

Jungwoo filed the information regarding fish-preferences away for later use and instead picked a moping Yuta up to get their own lunch upstairs.

It turned out, Yuta wasn’t the only person that was affected by the news of Kun. There was clothing over the sofa, looking like it had been pulled from different closets and was now being inspected, so it could go into Kun’s possession. Doyoung had a checklist that he seemed to reluctantly part from for lunch.

They were organising clothes, towels, bed, bedding, sheets, shoes, jackets, collar, tag, toothbrush, anything he’d need to feel right at home.

It was exactly what Jungwoo had expected to happen and he grew excited for Kun’s sake, to come into such a welcoming and wonderful family.

Hopefully, Kun could accept it, hopefully, he could fit in and could make this his home.

“Hyung, didn’t you sleep enough? You look so tired!” Taeyong’s question was surprisingly unrelated to Kun after the non-stop gushing over him since Jungwoo had come inside. Not like he minded to listen to them going in circles over socks. It was cute. His hands came up to press down where he assumed dark circles to be under his eyes. Of course, Taeyong wouldn’t have missed them.

“I guess I really didn’t. My roommate came home late last night.” He hadn’t even noticed he was tired, only now, that he had been reminded, did he feel the slight lethargy. During uni, he often slaved away behind his books all night and still went to lectures and lessons during the day, tired or not, he was used to it.

“Oh, from visiting her family? Did she have a good time?” Doyoung perked up. Jungwoo considered how much to let the Hybrids in on. Judgemental or not, it wasn’t his place to unveil her personal secrets nor her family issues.

“I’m afraid not so much, but we had a lovely evening so she’s hopefully feeling better.”

Doyoung looked unhappy with that information and even Taeyong pouted a bit. Jaehyun suddenly came into the room, more clothes over his arm.

“Hyung, these all don’t fit me anymore so maybe they’ll fit Kun-Hyung! I’ll put them here. When’s lunch? I’m starving and the scent of salmon is super nasty, I hate salmon, do we have salmon?” Jaehyun whimpered and attached himself to an unsuspecting Yuta.

“You’re like a spoilt baby,” Doyoung pointed out the obvious but without heat in his words.

“Of course not, Jaehyunnie! It’s for Kun! Lunch is ready, we’re just waiting for Taeil-Hyung.”

“And that would be why,” Doyoung crossed his arms and Taeyong glared back at him. The two fell into bickering, how they often did, while Jungwoo sat down next to Yuta and his spoilt-baby-baggage.

He guessed if there was someone as sweethearted as Jaehyun, there just was no way to not spoil him.

“It’s sad that you and your roommate both have a problem with your families. And Taeil-Hyung, too. I was raised to think all humans naturally had amazing families that were in constant harmony.” Yuta wrinkled his nose and ruffled Jaehyun’s long fringe, that looked like it was in desperate need of a cut.

“Well… I’m sure there are families out there like that but whenever people live together, there will be conflicts. That’s often what divides families, too.” Jungwoo’s eyes travelled to where Doyoung and Taeyong were currently busy declaring each other the most annoying person in the world.

“Yeah, well, actually, I wondered the same thing,” Jaehyun chipped in, “because we sometimes fight, too, and sometimes with Taeil-Hyung. Like when I broke his family portrait. He yelled at me and it was really bad. But then we both apologised and he explained why it had been very upsetting to him because of his dad and I explained I had been very excited and that was why I had been running when there had been too little room. Now, it’s all good. But with his mum, it’s never all good. I kind of ruined my worldview at first.”

Jungwoo nibbled on his lower lip. He realised that while Yuta was working, he also was technically still a child, Jaehyun even more so. On top, there were some experiences he, and humans generally, had had, these two didn’t, starting from early childhood.

They had, essentially, been raised in a bubble of lies and over-sheltering. They might have made other, even more terrible experiences, but in the end, these mundane things weren’t something they had friends to talk about and media would never cover these sides of reality in a way that could replace that – just how Doyoung hadn’t known maths was unpopular a subject.

Suddenly, he got a completely different understanding as to why Taeil said he was already a role model to four Hybrids to the best of his abilities and wouldn’t want to be that for Jungwoo. Just, now, suddenly, Jungwoo was the one understanding the world and having to explain it to these kids who already experienced so much horrible but didn’t know of things such as broken homes and disowned children. Continuing to shelter them wasn’t right, so, he had to find a middle ground to let them learn without overwhelming them.

It seemed like a huge responsibility.

“Um, yeah. That’s because Taeil-Hyung always talks very openly. Most families don’t. Actually, most _people_ don’t, he’s like an exception to the rule in how willing to admit fault and weakness he is. I never really talked about my problems like that to my parents or my friends.”

Yuta and Jaehyun nodded, looking like they, too, hadn’t talked before they had come here, likely for entirely different, just as valid reasons.

“In the end, that’s probably the root of all evil? Lack of communications? And there are expectations parents place in their kids. What they’ll end up studying, who they’ll end up dating or later maybe marrying, where they’ll end up living, and so on. Some parents do it more than others, sometimes to the point of not respecting their children's’ own wishes, so, if the child ends up being a person different from what they expected them to be, they might be disappointed. As a reaction, the child would feel unappreciated or like they had failed them if they cannot work out a way to drop or adjust these expectations. Some turn away from their families, sometimes the families push them away, sometimes they just carry on in a permanent state of being uncomfortable. Yeah. That happens.”

“Huh,” Yuta looked like it fit in somewhere in his understanding of the world and had given him a moment of epiphany, “And because there’s a lack of communication, these problems will not be discussed and solved?”

Jungwoo nodded.

“I never knew human parents did the same thing as breeders,” Jaehyun sounded like for him, too, it fit, just somewhere else than for Yuta. It was fascinating to watch two different people comprehend the same information. It helped Jungwoo, in turn, to understand Yuta and Jaehyun a bit better.

Doyoung and Taeyong had sat down and Jaehyun decided he was an independent person and properly sat in his chair to accept food. Taeil was still nowhere to be seen but they sometimes started without him since they knew where he was to be found.

Jungwoo hoped he could maybe make a bit of progress with Kun already, maybe talk a little or something. He was eager to hear about the Hybrid later, maybe even see him, depending on what Taeil had in mind. He had a lot of tests to run, many checks to do, and Jungwoo was already guessing Taeil would ask him for assistance again, rather than Yuta, even though he looked to be in much better shape. If he didn’t allow him to deliver lunch, he wouldn’t let him assist.

“Hyung, if it’s okay to ask, what problems didn’t you talk about with your parents, why don’t they invite you for Seollal anymore?” Yuta suddenly asked, ripping him from his musings.

Jungwoo had thought the topic had been finished, but apparently not.

It was a very simple, yet so complicated explanation. Just a little word would usually already be enough, yet it was a word Jungwoo didn’t like to use to describe himself. It held too many painful memories. It usually wasn’t well-received, making Jungwoo even more apprehensive to say it.

He was tempted to tell Yuta he didn’t feel like talking about it.

Then, he remembered Taeil’s reaction, how accepting he had been, how he had said he didn’t have to come out to the kids, but that they wouldn’t judge him.

He knew he could trust Taeil. Always.

Still, now, there were four pairs of eyes on him, each full of curiosity, some almost innocent, some like they already had their own guesses what Jungwoo’s history would include, from almost black orbs to unsettlingly bright green.

He wouldn’t forget he could trust Taeil. He wouldn’t go back to what hurt him.

If he ditched the question now, it would be seemingly easier but he already knew he’d be thinking about it all day.

Because he didn’t want to hide. It was tiring to leave parts out and he had already stopped doing that, anyway, hadn’t he? The boy groups, the superhero preferences, he had already stopped lying where he normally would have to mask his preference.

He just needed to take this small, last step, this last, terrifying step, of saying it.

“Well… it’s because I like men, not women,” He softly admitted, for the first time in his life being the one to tell and not forced into a confession and confirmation.

No one interrupted or made any comment. There was understanding in Doyoung and Yuta’s faces, more curiosity in Taeyong and Jaehyun’s, “My family couldn’t accept that and cut ties with me unless I decide to recant and get engaged to a woman. Doesn’t really work that way but, well, they don’t want to talk about it.”

It was what he had black on white in his drawer. The condition.

“How stupid. I’m really sorry your family sucks so much.” Yuta reached up to pat Jungwoo’s head, a natural gesture to encourage another Hybrid, and it helped to break the lingering fear in his chest. He could take a deep breath and let go of it.

“Me, too. Thank you for telling us, though,” Doyoung smiled, looking like he had an inkling why this had been a milestone for Jungwoo to admit to. Their acceptance and support was the reward for his courage.

“Uh… I don’t get it?” Taeyong asked, just how Taeil had warned him some of them might.

“Yeah, me neither, how is that a reason?” Jaehyun whined and put two pieces of pork into his mouth at the same time as if to soothe his distress.

Jungwoo heard Taeil’s slippers drag over the living room floor and was eager to pass down this role of being the parent to him, but, well, Jaehyun had asked him and Jungwoo wanted to grow into a person worth looking up to.

“Humans are very stuck to the nuclear family: father, mother, child, or children. I read something that said it was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Do you remember? That story from the Christianity book? That’s why the two love interest never just go out with each other,” Doyoung chipped in.

“That can’t be it?” Taeyong looked like dramas with endless love-triangles were about to be ruined for him forever, but Jungwoo had to break it to him.

“Yeah, actually, it is. It’s ingrained deep into many societies, not only but also based on Christianity, that a couple has to be made up from a man and a woman who’ll then have children. Everything that’s different is, well, it depends, but many have an issue with it because they don’t understand it and often don’t want to understand it,” Jungwoo glanced at Taeil for approval, and the other sent him a smile.

Taeyong still looked like his brain was rattling but Jaehyun nodded

“Humans are so weird. I’m learning that now. All of this just confirms it,” he announced to proceed and push his entire face into his bowl to get the rest of his rice, which Taeil stopped him from with a kind reminder of table manners.

Jungwoo glanced back to Taeyong, who had yet to react even though everyone else seemed to return to lunch.

“Is… is that really… but…” Taeyong’s lower lip started trembling and panic flooded Jungwoo. Had he worded it wrong?

Where he had just been happy to be able to explain something, he suddenly felt guilty, was sure he had messed up. It wasn’t nice but it wasn’t a reason to cry, was it?

“That’s… that’s why my voice was… why they always said my shoulders were too broad and…” Taeyong’s face paled and he pressed his hand over his left ear like there was a loud noise.

No. No noise. He was hiding the cut. Silent horror was on his face and it seemed like his voice wouldn’t even come out anymore because it choked him up.

“Taeyong, your voice is very unique and beautiful, you should be proud of it because it’s part of who you are and that makes it wonderful,” Taeil softly said and pushed past Doyoung, who was looking at Taeyong helplessly. It didn’t seem to get through to Taeyong, he was slowly curing up more, his hands starting to shake.

The second Taeil touched his arm, he jumped up and ran from the room, down the hallway. The chair balanced for another second before it toppled over with a loud crash.

Taeil closed his eyes and looked like he wanted to curse loudly but just sucked in a sharp breath before he stood up and hurried after where Taeyong had disappeared to.

For a moment, the room was in perfect silence until Yuta broke it with a “So.”

“That hadn’t happened in a while,” Doyoung muttered and ruffled his own hair as if to give comfort

“Was… was it me? Did I say it badly?” Jungwoo stuttered, feeling like someone had punched him into the stomach.

“No, I don’t think you did,” Jaehyun softly disagreed and Doyoung also shook his head.

“It’s like catching the flu, it’s no one’s fault.”

Yuta nudged Jungwoo’s arm, “He’ll be happiest if you could try and just pretend it didn’t happen. Just because it’s not his fault doesn’t mean it doesn’t still feel embarrassing.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Jungwoo glanced at the door again. Taeil had said Taeyong had anxiety, in summer when he had first come. Once more, he went down the path into his limited psychology knowledge. He’d guess he had had an attack, like a flashback, possibly over Jungwoo’s explanations making him realise that his breeder had probably raised him to be more feminine than he would have otherwise turned out to be.

Maybe, it had woken memories of being forced into a part that didn’t fit him naturally, possibly discrimination over physical traits he had no control over – his voice, his shoulders, his ear.

It ran deeper, now that Jungwoo thought about it - Taeyong might not even realise that yet.

The pink and the sparkle that he wore so much and feel completely unashamed of – it might be a preference he wouldn’t have developed hadn’t his breeder pushed femininity onto him. Taeil could take the boundaries away, he could open up choices for them, he could help them with therapy, he could give them all the freedom in the world – in the end, many of their crucial years had been spent inside these confinements and had shaped them in ways impossible to ever undo.

It wasn’t harmful, of course.

But it was something that could have turned out completely different if not for indoctrination and exploitation.

A tie to the abuse of the system that might never break.

Jungwoo really didn’t feel like eating anymore, even when Taeyong and Taeil came back and Taeyong apologised and allowed Jungwoo to pet his head.

Light, being accepted with all his personality, sharing and growing from talking about problems, always came with shadows. He wasn’t the only one who carried them, those in his heart weren’t even the darkest. By being more open about himself, he also learnt more about the inside of the hearts of the people around him, but not all of that was pleasant, not all of that was sunshine.

Jungwoo tried to think of it like opening the door to a dark room, one where the lamp was broken. By opening the door, you could let the light from the outside stream in. If the door stayed closed, it’d remain pitch black and dark forever.

So, it wasn’t that light came with shadow, but it was that shadow could only be seen when there was light.

After that, the afternoon was relatively quiet and by the time it neared four, Taeil stopped by to talk.

“How’s it going?”

“Looks like you’ll get to finish on time today,” Jungwoo swirled in his chair to smile up at Taeil. It was a little subdued. Despite trying to see the good, he was still working on overcoming what had happened during lunch.

He wished he could apologise but respecting Taeyong’s own comfort zone was much more important than trying to make himself feel better over something he might not even have fault in. It would be selfish to push this guilt onto Taeyong by reminding him of something he felt embarrassed over.

“Not really, I have my check-list of what there is left to do for Kun. Main problem would be taking blood, especially when he doesn’t know what’s happening. On the other hand, he’s been terribly obedient so far, he might just be fine with it,” Taeil sighed and sat down on the edge of the desk.

“It’s for his own benefit so whether he understands or not, we need to test his levels and antibodies,” Jungwoo reminded both of them, how Taeil had asked him to. Taeil nodded, looking unhappy with that but he knew it better than Jungwoo did.

“Do you have an hour or so? I know Yuta’s chomping on the bit, but I just don’t know… if you’d help me, I’d feel more comfortable and Kun also already knows you, so we know he doesn’t react badly to you. Only if you have time, of course! I’ve been keeping you around here for ridiculous over-hours. I’ll definitely pay you for them!”

“Yes, I have time. Honestly, I already hoped you’d ask me. You’re stressing yourself over nothing, Hyung. Just like with the kids. I don’t think I’ve seen them, collectively, this excited before,” even though all this was very true, Jungwoo, with his suspended scholarship, could really use the money and would be brash enough to accept extra payment without trying to be humble and turn it down.

A smile played over Taeil’s face, one holding pride and happiness alike. Jungwoo wanted to reach out and brush over his hand, he wanted to place a small kiss to his cheek to show him how precious he was, how wonderful his love for his kids.

He was taken aback by where his brain went and immediately put a halt to it. But it was too late, the ideas were already running rampant.

“Yes, I saw it, too. They’re all so wonderful, aren’t they?” Taeil muttered before he turned to him again, this slightly silly smile, that was so charming to Jungwoo, still on, “Thank you for being my voice of reason. I don’t even know how I managed not to lose it the times it happened before. Well. That’s a lie. I did lose it, several times for each kid. I probably still will. I freaked out last night. That was fun.”

Jungwoo frowned and scooted over without even thinking about it, to be closer.

“I can’t let Yuta know that. That’s why I’d rather have you. I feel comfortable freaking out when it’s with you.”

“Honestly, Hyung, regarding freaking out…” Jungwoo softly said. He could talk about this to Taeil, right? It felt like it would help him to get it off his chest. Taeil trusted him enough to let him know what overwhelmed him, Jungwoo could do the same.

Taeil looked at him attentively.

“About Taeyong. I feel really bad and I just need to know if there was something I could have done differently or a way to help him?”

Understanding settled on Taeil’s face as he nodded, “That must have been a moment of shock for you. I remember it was for me when it first happened. I think it took me three days to get my bearings together. You explained everything wonderfully and I’m actually glad I don’t have to do that anymore now, however… the mind is a fickle and complex thing. It could have very well happened had it been me or Doyoung or god knows who explaining heteronormativity using completely different words. The explanation wasn’t where the issue laid.

“It’s in his mind, something triggered him and he wasn’t even able to say what exactly it was. The only known trigger he has is his ear. You already know not to mention it and you haven’t. I know it’s not closure, but in the end, it’s best to accept it’s no one’s fault when it happened out of an unpredictable situation and by accident, not on purpose. Likely, it was impossible to avoid because of the nature of the topic and how it plays into his past, even present and, probably, future.

“Like any Hybrid, he was raised to meet a visual standard. And he does! He’s objectively speaking beautiful, I’m not saying this as an over-proud parent. However, he’s not perfect in the books the Russian Blue Hybrid Breeders’ Union, he’s not good enough. He knows that. They don’t keep it a secret from the Hybrids. They tell them at every evaluation from basically when they’re born on, their breeder often repeating it so they internalise it and change whatever they can to fit the idea of standard as best as they can.

“His eyes, yes, nose, yes, heigh, yes, his temper and mannerism, all worth As to them. His ear could have docked his selling price but be easily overplayed if everything else fit, which was likely their reasoning when he was little and it happened. They could put him down back then, but they didn’t. He was probably still girly and cute enough to believe it’d not matter in the end. Their plans just didn’t work out. He became too masculine. You know just as much as me what their standards and breeding goals are: feminity – that’s what they want because they sell this sick illusion that a male Hybrid is not really different from a female one. It’s not even necessarily because they want to, it’s the market situation. If they couldn’t market them like that, all the males would end up how Taeyong did – unsellable and thrown out like rubbish.

“Taeyong’s insecurities are bone-deep because he was shamed and told to be embarrassed about these things for his entire childhood and early teens. He ended up on the street, like a waste-product, because of these imperfections. He might not have realised that heteronormativity, beside the general objectification, was the root of it, but he knew what to blame even before he knew why. It’s connected and it must have triggered some of the unhealed hurt. What I know helps him, is to remind him of his strengths and to have pride in his looks. It might sound superficial to strengthen someone’s confidence in their appearance, but...” Taeil shrugged, looking like he couldn’t find the words for once.

Jungwoo nodded, “I know where you’re coming from. Everyone deserves to feel beautiful. In the end, everyone will be to someone, what is beauty even?”

Taeil chuckled, “a social and subjective construct. Glad we agree.”

“Thanks, that really helped. I felt weird about it the entire afternoon,” Jungwoo admitted.

“I’m glad you told me,” Taeil said and for a second, Jungwoo got lost in his eyes, so dark and full of more things Jungwoo didn’t know about yet, more insights, more common opinions, maybe conflict, somewhere, that they had yet gotten to, but would be able to talk about.

It seemed Taeil got lost, too, but then, he blinked and startled back to reality, a flush creeping over his cheeks before he turned away.

“I’m glad you feel comfortable freaking out when it’s with me, too,” Jungwoo muttered because he was. He was so glad that Taeil saw him as someone equal in that regard, not someone to play the strong Hyung in front of.

Taeil smiled and scratched his neck, “Yeah. Let’s check on Kun?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	18. Chapter 18

Kun looked up from the tablet computer and paused the language program.

“Good afternoon, Master,” he greeted in near accent-free Korean and Jungwoo nearly asked if he had heard right. For more than one reason.

“Hi, Kun. Taeil-Hyung is okay. I brought Jungwoo,” Taeil explained in slow and simple words and Kun nodded slowly. It seemed like he had somehow found the word _master_ and was now insistent on using it from how Taeil re-introduced himself – probably not even for the first time.

Overly respectful address or not, Jungwoo could hardly contain his excitement. He knew this was only a very first baby step. Still. Kun had already made it.

“Hi, Kun,” Jungwoo gave him a small wave and Kun eyed him like he found that extremely strange behaviour.

“We’ll have to get some additional tests done,” Taeil went on and unlocked one of the drawers on the side. Kun followed his movements, but he didn’t seem to understand. After his greeting, Jungwoo, for a second, had believed all their communication-issues to already have become a thing of the past. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be quite as easy. It was just a baby-step.

“I’ll start off with another small physical, just to check. I also want to check his hair once more, but it looked good in the morning. We only have to get all the dead eggs out of it, which will be a hassle. Additionally, I want blood for a big screening, height and weight to keep track of that, teeth, eyes, reflexes, and possibly an x-ray of the collar bone, but that depends on how it looks today. I just thought that maybe I hadn't checked thoroughly enough last night. Yeah, okay, we might not need it but still.”

It was to let Jungwoo know what they were doing because Kun looked completely puzzled now.

“We’ll get all of that done, no problem.”

Jungwoo washed his hands and used the disinfectant. It seemed Taeil wouldn’t opt for gloves today since Kun was already treated for the worst, so neither did Jungwoo. Gloves weren’t always necessary and they made treatments so un-personal and cold.

“Could you come here, please?” Taeil gestured to the chair and Kun glanced at Jungwoo, then at him, as if to judge the danger, before he hurried from the bed and slipped into the chair by using the path the furthest away from either of them. So, that, too, was still unchanged. It had only been one day, Jungwoo shouldn’t expect miracles. It was just so easy to do because a regular patient walking into the office would show improvement very quickly.

This wasn’t a normal patient. This would never be one because normal patients would not be their own people. Even if their owners provided good medical treatment for them, they usually still wanted a will-less pet.

Kun would be allowed to grow past that – and it would probably take months, if not years. Jungwoo should remember and respect that.

As Kun eyed both of them in clear mistrust, Jungwoo switched gears to some more basic questions still unanswered, the first one being that regarding how old Kun might be.

It was hard to tell exactly because of how the neglect had left his face sunk in, stripping possible baby-fat that might linger, but his eyes were soft and round, making Jungwoo think he was likely not older than Taeyong. The strong accents of black contributed to thinking of him as older than Jaehyun, but it could be an optical illusion because they let harsh lines seem even harder. It was fascinating, how the pattern of his hair continued even over his eyebrows and lashes. Yuta and Jaehyun, too, had interesting hair colours, but they weren’t quite as complex as Kun’s.

He could see how someone would find it beautiful because it was, however, it didn’t change how condemnable measuring someone’s worth by the colour of their hair was. Jungwoo wasn’t even sure if it was okay to linger on how intriguing something so superficial was. On the other hand, ignoring it was just as much impossible because it was part of Kun.

He’d have to discuss it with Taeil, maybe ask one of the Hybrids for their insight and take on it.

Taeil started with checking his ears, his mouth, eyes, lungs, heartbeat, all standard procedure and Kun seemed not as utterly terrified and expecting violence as he had yesterday. Taeil kept giving him small pets between and Kun looked like he had taken a baby-step towards relaxing – an important baby-step that Jungwoo was over the moon to see.

When Taeil ran his hands over his collar bone to check it once more, Kun retracted to squeezing his eyes shut again, as if he hoped it would make the pain go away.

“Sorry,” Taeil softly said when he pulled away, and Kun opened teary eyes and nodded, “It feels the same as yesterday, I think we don’t need an x-ray. But we do need bloodwork.” He sounded like he regretted he did but it was out of the question it had to be tested.

While Jungwoo searched his way through the drawers in his quest to find needle, syringe, strap, alcohol, cotton wipes, and a plaster, Taeil started pulling out nits from Kun’s hair. It seemed to confuse the Hybrid greatly but he, of course, didn’t say anything just let Taeil pull on his hair.

If Jungwoo was being honest, he was a little nervous even though he wouldn’t be doing anything. Would Kun accept this? Would he keep still? Or would he struggle?

If he did, it would be up to Jungwoo to restrain him. He hated it, but it happened more frequently than one might expect. Mainly with little Hybrids, of course, who still had very low pain tolerance and were more easily scared – sometimes to the point they didn’t even let Taeil check their ears. Of course, he knew it was for their own benefit and just couldn’t be avoided if they wanted them healthy and happy, however, he felt like he was immediately a mean person in the Hybrids’ books.

He really didn’t want Kun to be scared, more scared, of him.

However, when Taeil explained the needle, Kun nodded and automatically held his left arm out.

As much as it helped, Jungwoo suddenly would have preferred at least a little bit of disagreement. Not this puppet-like behaviour in which Kun seemed to suffer but still never speak up. At least he actually looked like he didn’t mind the blood being taken, no new tears and no scared expression, just curiosity while he watched Taeil work and intently observed the blood filling the plastic tube.

“You did that so well, thank you,” Taeil smiled at Kun when he pulled the needle and immediately pressed down the spot he had poked.

Kun glanced at Jungwoo, who took the blood from Taeil to get it ready for the procedures from here on. Taeil had the tools to do simple tests, such a centrifuge, and the rest would be sent to the lab with the other patients’ blood tomorrow.

“Why?” Kun suddenly asked, his voice soft like he was unsure if he was allowed to talk.

“Hm, what why?” Taeil encouraged, keeping his voice gentle but clearly curious.

“Uh…” Jungwoo decided to stay back where he was, to avoid stressing Kun out. However much he wanted to be closer and directly involved as well - it wasn’t his place, “Uh, why thank you? I… do nothing, Master?” his grammar was stilted and over the top polite, but his words were understandable and it felt like there was a chance to break a little bit of this stunting language barrier already, making everything so much easier.

“I’m Taeil-Hyung. You held still even though it must hurt?” Taeil chose his words carefully and looked at Kun to see if he understood, but it was hard with so many words, so, he re-phrased, “You are very brave.”

When Kun still seemed confused, Jungwoo pulled his phone out, typed the word into the translator app, and let the computer voice read it out. Now, realisation flashed over Kun’s face, followed by his eyes widening. He looked like he wanted to disagree but didn’t have the words.

Taeil reached out and ruffled the striped hair before Kun could somehow still deny it and then got up, so they could continue their check-up.

Just as much as Jungwoo seemed to be frustrated by the language barrier, Taeil must be as well because now that he knew Kun knew the meaning of the word brave, he used it to add to every small thank-you he gave after each task competed without a word of complaint.

Kun looked more and more confused each time someone said it and tried to reflect but neither of them let him and Jungwoo hoped, he hoped so much Kun took it to heart.

Because he was brave!

“Do you think he understood he can use the bathtub whenever he wants?” Taeil nibbled on the back of his pencil while Jungwoo typed in all the results of their anamnesis into the form linked to Kun’s profile on the office software.

“I’m not really sure, to be honest, he seemed very doubtful. Maybe, he’ll try anyway?”

“I don’t think he’s one to challenge any rule. I’ll repeat myself tomorrow if he didn’t use it. I still need to look more into the mineral malnourishment I tripped over yesterday. There’s so much I hadn’t even considered we need to remember could be wrong with him.” Taeil muttered and pulled a binder that just read *private* from the shelf. Half the content fell onto the desk and Jungwoo startled because he hadn’t expected it.

“Sorry,” Taeil sighed and started collecting the mess. It was full of hand-written notes and loose pages from journals.

“How do you even find anything in there?” Jungwoo glanced at the utter mess. There were articles on insulin next to ones on cortisone and the flu.

“I… do,” Taeil sounded like he didn’t. Jungwoo turned to finish the file and saved it.

“Maybe, you should take some time to order everything, I’m sure it’ll help you work more efficiently in the long run.”

“I like my files, I don’t have time to order all of this,” Taeil sounded protective, a little offended, and Jungwoo swallowed, uncomfortable with having accidentally poked the bee’s nest.

Chaos was something he couldn’t stand, be it in his flat or in his schoolwork. If everything was all over the place he couldn’t order his thoughts and nothing would ever stick.

Seeing Taeil sort through the loose papers with his eyebrows furrowed, he wasn’t going to sit here and accept that Taeil wasn’t like that and could just overview the mess when no other human would.

“If the chaos continues to grow, it’ll be harder to get under control, Hyung, especially since you actively work with these, it’d just help you to get them sorted out.”

“No.” Taeil snapped and Jungwoo immediately regretted to have pushed. It wasn’t his place. Taeil would live in however much of a mess he wanted to, he had no business telling him how to live his life.

It was just so painfully obvious that it could be easier…

“Sorry. I… I like it how it is, okay? I didn’t mean to go at you like that,” Taeil groaned and slammed the binder shut without finding anything, a quarter of the content still strewn over the desk, rubbing his face. When he was finished and looked at Jungwoo again, he realised how bone-tired Taeil looked.

“I’m sorry for overstepping. Maybe, you could try and finish early today?”

“It’s fine, I can do it. There’s so much to get done before Kun’s quarantine is over and he can move in. I can catch up on sleep once it’s finished.”

Jungwoo nodded silently. He saw the stress and the burden Taeil was shouldering, but he didn’t want to call him out, not after getting shot down a moment before and it really wasn’t his business.

There were still some questions on his mind, some concerning Kun and his medical treatment, others concerning the question of how to address the fact that he was a breed valued at the same price as a sports car.

It all wasn’t pressing, just how mineral deficiency wasn’t and Jungwoo decided to ask them another day when Taeil didn’t look like he needed to sleep so badly.

He couldn’t help worry for him.

Because he loved him.

“I’ll go home, then. Or is there anything I could help you with?” Jungwoo asked, hoping to get some way to take a bit of the weight off Taeil, but he knew he wasn’t at that level yet.

Jungwoo was still ignorant to so much and he was only now learning.

“Actually…” Taeil rubbed his face again, “I… I need help with the language problem. You’re much faster to come up with a solution. I know Yuta eventually learnt but it probably wasn’t because of me. I don’t want to ask Doyoung, I feel silly asking him and he’ll end up being the one fixing it for me, anyway, because he lives for spreading knowledge. I’m sorry, I’m such a mess, but…”

Jungwoo waited, unmoving from where he was on the desk chair while Taeil kept ruffling his own hair.

“… I’m scared, Jungwoo. I know it’ll turn out fine, at least I hope it will, but right now it seems impossible a task. Each time I get another kid, I’m more anxious because I know more that has gone wrong in the past. When I got Doyoung, I hardly even thought twice, when I got Taeyong, I was a bit warier but didn’t worry, when I got Yuta, I was already starting to understand just how much people can fuck others up, and when I got Jaehyun, I actually didn’t sleep for two nights because I couldn’t and right now I feel like I need to read through every book I can find and read any community tab ever written and still will end up missing something and not making it right for him only to find out later.”

Jungwoo felt like he was at the stage Taeil must have been at when getting Doyoung – or maybe Taeyong if he was generous. He had already known that he was. He still didn’t know what exactly it was that let Taeil look like an anxious mess, like he was the gear at risk of breaking in the machinery when he never normally was.

That was usually Jungwoo. Fear was something he knew all too well. It was something he had learnt to handle – at least a bit. He could try and help Taeil by using his own experience.

“What exactly did you miss the last times, Hyung? And how did you realise you did, what happened to let you find out and how did you then address and fix it?”

“So many things!”

Jungwoo nodded, scooting closer until he was next to Taeil.

“Maybe, it’d still help to go over them, see how none of them were terrible enough to make what you have right now any less worth it or take from it? Maybe, there’s a pattern where things went wrong that you can recognise and avoid?” he softly suggested.

He would have recommended asking someone else for tips and expertise.

But there was no one.

Taeil was alone in this.

Jungwoo hated being alone, he could only imagine how it’d be to be in something like this. Anything he could give him to feel like he wasn’t, he would do.

Taeil slumped down where he was on the table and slowly nodded.

“I… yeah, I like that idea, that way you take its power because it no longer looks overwhelming and huge.”

“Exactly.” Jungwoo agreed. A voice in the back of his head chimed in, adding how incredibly helpful nicotine was, in a situation like this.

Even for him, who was only indirectly affected, just a small smoke would make this easier, he’d be calmer to reason and support Taeil…

Jungwoo internally smashed the voice with the burning anger of a person waiting for a re-reivew that would decide their future caused by lying and toxic professors. He’d do more yoga tomorrow, so it’d not dare return.

“Maybe, minerals can wait for tomorrow. Or until the results come back. He might not even have a deficiency. Yeah.” Taeil took a long and deep breath that, even to Jungwoo, took some of the pressure off.

“Want ear-scratches?” Jungwoo softly asked, a smile dancing on his face.

Taeil chuckled and pinched Jungwoo’s shoulder, “I’ll be honest, I hate both ear scratches and tummy rubs even though the kids insist I must receive them. It feels so weird.”

“I like them. Maybe, you were just conditioned to think platonic physical affection has no place in society?” Jungwoo blinked at Taeil, who wrinkled his nose.

“Are you seriously going to make me muse over ear scratches all night when I’m already stressing about a million other things?”

“I didn’t mean to. But I’m sure it’ll be less exhausting?”

Taeil chuckled and shook his head, “Whatever the case, I feel a lot better now. A lot less scared already.”

“Good.”

“Thank you. Really. I love your way of making me think differently,” Taeil’s eyes were dark, so full of a turmoil even if he had said he was less scared, the fear was still there and Jungwoo couldn’t stop the word ‘love’ from echoing in his head.

Over.

And over.

And over.

Love.

Taeil loved how Jungwoo made him think.

Jungwoo loved how Taeil made him think.

Jungwoo loved Taeil.

And from how Taeil never looked away, it was so easy to think he felt the same, it was so easy to remember what they had said they would forget, so easy that Jungwoo’s lips tingled and prickled and he didn’t realise that they were both leaning closer.

When he did, he still didn’t stop, he just let his eyes fall shut and a second later, Taeil’s lips were on his, soft, warm, how they had been the first time, but shy and cautious instead of easily confident how they had been and it was so easy to take that part, to lead the kiss and never want to stop.

He never wanted to stop, it was like his chest was free, all the worries lingering, over his family, his scholarship and his future, over Kun, over Yuta, over Taeyong, were gone and he could only focus on this.

For a few blissful moments.

Then, Taeil pulled away when it had been Jungwoo doing so the first time.

“I’m sorry, oh my god,” Taeil whispered slapping a hand over his mouth.

Jungwoo wanted to say so was he, but he wasn’t, not as much as he had been.

“It… happens. Let’s forget it did?” Jungwoo softly offered.

Taeil looked conflicted for a second.

“Y-yeah. I… sorry, I’m the worst boss to ever exist. Anyway, you were right, I should sort my binders out. I’m just stubborn and too proud to admit I’m a messy at heart,” Taeil turned away, taking the forgetting part very seriously.

“I can send you some really helpful organising inspiration and stationery. If you want?” Jungwoo muttered.

“That’d be amazing. You should head home, it’s so late already, you need to rest.”

“Okay. Yeah. See you tomorrow, then,” Jungwoo got from his chair and smiled but it fell a bit flat because his lips still felt like they had Taeil’s on them and he wasn’t allowed to think about it or he’d grab him and say he couldn’t forget.

He had to.

For now.

Until he was better – a better Jungwoo, a smarter Jungwoo, a Jungwoo who’d not shy away to stick up for what he believed in even if it was the organisation of office supplies.

“Remember to sleep, Hyung?”

“Yes, I will. Good night!”

This time, it wasn’t as late yet when he arrived in Anam. Despite everything, Jungwoo was in a good mood. He was hopeful. He let his head replay the kiss he had said he’d forget about. He thought about how Kun would hopefully soon be at the lunch table, surely learning Korean quickly and surely welcomed into the middle of the family – even if Taeil was worried.

Despite usually jumping ahead and expecting the worst, Jungwoo didn’t when it was something that involved Taeil. He was a flame of hope wherever he was involved. If only he could see it like that as well…

There were too many cars parked on the street in front of their house, to the point of Jungwoo nearly having to climb over them because they hadn’t left space between the vehicles. How anyone would ever get back out of a parking spot this tiny, he wasn’t sure but he also couldn’t drive so it might be possible.

He found a gap and squeeze past the two cars when someone called him: “Hey, decent male being!”

He turned and saw Jennie come down the sidewalk, waving.

“Hi, how do I get such an enthusiastic greeting?” he chuckled once she was close enough.

“I’m feeling in a brilliant mood and my honey-pie said you really cheered her up yesterday, so, you’re worthy of it.”

Jungwoo laughed and opened the front door for both of them.

“I’m very honoured.”

“You better be. I even considered giving you a hug.”

“And where did I fail to meet the criteria?” he pouted.

“Aw, come here you dork, you can get one.”

On Thursday morning, next to Yuta, Doyoung sat on the desk, holding what looked like a lavender envelope in his hands, wiggling like he was nervous. That was a rare sight. Doyoung seemed, generally, on top of things.

“Good morning,” he smiled while stripping his jacket to put away in his locker. There were only two days of working here left, three if he counted today, and Jungwoo had to say he wished time would slow down a bit.

On the other hand, he was now on break for another month, so, he could come by whenever he wanted to.

If his re-review came back clear.

If not, he’d have to figure out how to deal with that.

Hopefully, it would go through. He wasn’t even sure when to expect it back but if it wasn’t by Tuesday, he’d make another dreadful walk to the scholarship office and ask.

He really didn’t want to.

He had to. It was his future on a threat.

“Good morning,” Yuta chirped back and nudged Doyoung, who grumbled and pushed him in return. Yuta wouldn’t let that sit with him, so, he pushed Doyoung back and then the two were already arguing. Jungwoo closed his locker. There were different stacks of paper all over the desk. It looked like they had been sorted last night. Taeil had replied to a text at 2 am, and Jungwoo hadn’t been happy to know him not getting rest but he also understood the feeling of anxiety running under your skin and not letting you calm down.

It used to when thinking of his scholarship. He was still nervous about it but not as hopeless. Not with Taeil’s support.

He hoped to get a chance to talk to him, later. Hear how he was doing, if the last night had brought helpful insights.

Doyoung and Yuta finished their brawl and Doyoung dusted himself off before grabbing the envelope again.

“Hyung, this is for you,” he held it out and Jungwoo accepted it in surprise.

“For me? What is it?” It looked cute and his name was written in a clean hand on the front. Jungwoo couldn’t remember ever getting such a pretty letter, things were usually in white envelopes with his name printed onto them and containing unpleasantries, such as bills.

Or the notification he no longer met the criteria to qualify for his scholarship.

A heavy feeling settled in his stomach and he breathed deeply in an effort of dispelling it.

This wasn’t any of that. He should focus on this right now. It would probably be something cheerful and nice, not devastating news that could ruin his life. It would be fine. He would be fine. He had people supporting him, a network even if it wasn’t a financial one.

He’d figure it out if he had to.

“You may open it,” Doyoung shrugged, obviously trying to look nonchalant but his fingers kept twitching.

Jungwoo did as asked and ripped the paper, producing a matching sheet inside. His eyes flew over the content and…

“It’s your birthday? When?”

“Uh, 1st of February but that’s a weekday and the weekend after is the end of Kun’s quarantine, so that’s why the celebration is going to be later,” Doyoung explained, still sounding like he was trying awfully hard to keep this air of indifference. Cute!

“Thank you for inviting me! I’d love to come.” Jungwoo was genuinely happy to be given another chance to attend a birthday after so rudely cancelling on Yuta’s. He knew he’d be free. He’d put Doyoung first even if there were any conflicting schedules.

“Yeah? Oh, okay. I’m not sure what we’ll do yet but probably something fun.”

“Fun? You? Sounds fake but okay,” Yuta yawned and Doyoung pushed him again.

Jungwoo carefully re-bagged the letter, while Doyoung and Yuta insulted each other, and pushed it against the wall of his locker to keep it wrinkle-free and take home later.

He’d have to get Doyoung a present. Immediately, he thought about possible books that might interest him but he wasn’t sure which were actually helpful.

He should ask Joohyun about it.

Additionally, he had to make sure his budget wouldn’t be strained too much. His salary for the holidays would probably come quickly once Sooyoung was back to in charge of the bank account. He’d have to wait for it. Right now, he was living on the bare minimum. Even after, as long as he didn’t know if his scholarship would be re-granted, he’d be wise to save every won he could spare because it might save him later.

He definitely had to check with the office.

Five more days and he would.

Four more days and he would.

Three more days and he would.

Two more days and he would.

Tomorrow, he would.

The door of the scholarship office was just as uninviting as it had been the first time.

Jungwoo’s nerves were stretched as thin as they had been the first time.

Maybe even more?

He felt sick.

A smoke would be really… he interrupted the thought and discarded it. He looked at the text from Taeil, cheering him up and telling him about Yuta spending two hours last afternoon with Kun to comb his nits out.

Apparently, Kun took quite well to the other Hybrid while the status with Taeil was somewhat unchanged save for more words to express confusion on Kun’s side whenever he was praised.

And the ‘Master’. Jungwoo, too had been called nothing else and it irked him to no end but it could wait until his Korean got better. Jungwoo had subscribed to the best-rated app under Taeil’s name on the new phone Kun got to keep – Kun didn’t quite understand that yet but he would.

It would be fine, he knew it would.

This, too, would somehow be sorted out. If not his scholarship, he was going to make it work another way.

He brought up his hand and knocked twice, trying to swallow past nausea.

“Come in,” a voice from the other side called, sounding like Jungwoo would be well-advised not to come in.

He hated this. He didn’t want to come to annoy them.

But he needed the money.

He pushed the door open and reminded himself of the front he had put on when he had been at the police. He’d use the same now, future-doctor Kim Jungwoo, smart, confident, and compassionate, a person on level with doctor Moon Taeil.

It helped.

He held his head high when he turned to the small team working behind the counter.

One of the women was already looking at him as if to say he should hurry up.

“Good afternoon, my name is Kim Jungwoo and I’m here because I had a re-review pending and it’s been four weeks since?” he stood straight against the counter even though she sighed in exasperation.

“Have you not gotten mail yet?” she asked as if Jungwoo was unable to open his post box.

“No. I’ve not heard back at all.” Jungwoo didn’t let his voice weaver. He could do this. He was doing this. And it was going well.

“Then, it’s not done yet,” she turned back to her computer as if matters had been taken care of.

“And how much longer do you think I’ll have to wait? Is there any way to look into the progress?” he didn’t let himself be shooed off this quickly.

“It depends, usually about a month,” she gave her cookie-cutter answer.

“A month is up, though. I know you’re not the one doing the review and you can’t magically create the answer, but for me, this scholarship means my entire livelihood. When your life and future hang by a threat every small piece of information is helpful, even if you could just let me know who the second reviewer is and if they’re already handling my paper?” Jungwoo tried to put his problems into words.

He didn’t like to admit how much he was dependant on the scholarship. It was embarrassing to admit to his financial situation to a near-perfect stranger.

He was showing too much vulnerability.

However, when she turned again, her face was much more understanding.

“What did you say your name was?”

“Kim Jungwoo,” relief flooded him. Just a small piece of information would suffice to reassure him it wasn’t all done for yet.

“Birthdate?”

“19th of February 1992,” which reminded him that it wasn’t far off anymore. Maybe, he should invite Joohyun and Jennie to get cake? Maybe… Taeil? Yuta, Taeyong, Doyoung, and Jaehyun? Kun?

He hadn’t gone to eat cake for his birthday in ages. Now that he was thinking about it and even had people to invite, he grew a little excited. It sounded like a fun way to spend the day and feel good.

Forget there was no family congratulating him.

But he’d need money to pay for it.

“Ah, yes, I have your data. You handed in the request for re-review of your paper on patient care and Hybrids psychology IV on January 3rd because you received 45% on it, which just barely let you pass the course?”

“Yes, that’s right,” Jungwoo nodded. At least it hadn’t been 20% like the first paper. Probably because he had also quoted some of the mainstream textbooks.

“Well, it already went through re-review, just today. You should receive mail in a few days.”

It went through?

And?

Had his grade improved?

Had it not?

Had it gotten docked down?

Jungwoo felt so nervous, tears collected in his eyes and he blinked them away in a hurry.

“Uh, could you let me know what the result was?” he softly asked, hearing his voice tremble a little.

It was the difference between having time to take the train to Gangnam and having to take a shift in the local convenience store.

It was the difference between staying up for nights of cramming and being rewarded with grades that let him be on top of the class and staying up for nightshifts to get that 1,000 won night-bonus.

It was the difference between having a perfect grade sheet to put on his CV and having things taunt his performance.

It was the difference between even being able to apply in Japan in hopes of getting accepted and having to become complicit in murder.

It was the difference between having a financial support network, no matter how hard he had to work for it, and risking free-fall with every step he took.

Even if it would be the latter, at the very least, Jungwoo knew one thing: he was not going to give up this easily.

The prospects were scary, but he was going to stand up against his fears.

Helping Hybrids, even if it was hard at times, heartbreaking and difficult, was what he wanted to do – they deserved the help more than anyone else in the world because there were so few who would extend it to them.

“Well, I’m not supposed to tell you,” the woman turned his direction and Jungwoo probably looked quite pathetic but, for once, it worked in his favour because her face softened.

Just a small exception so he could know.

Please!

“It was given to professor doctor Kwon Yuri at Seoul National Hybrid clinic and she graded it with 100%.”

Jungwoo nearly sobbed.

100%?

Perfect?

Perfect score?

“Really?” he breathed because he honestly couldn’t believe it.

100%?

For his paper?

“Yes, seems like you did well in re-appealing it. The official paperwork will be in the letter you’ll receive, so it can be changed in your records. Don’t let this make you think you can lean back, I’ve never seen a change this huge. Most re-reviews come back with no change or just a few points. Seems like you were treated unusually harshly by our professors.”

“I-I won’t,” Jungwoo shook his head.

100%?

He felt a bit numb when he stepped back into the hallway.

At Seoul National even.

100%!

He made it to the staircase, then, his legs just buckled and he sat down for a second.

His scholarship would be re-granted, this would even pull his overall performance up. 100% was nearly impossible to reach, even for someone as studious as him.

He had done what he knew was right and it had paid off. He had been brave and he had gotten the reward for being.

He rubbed his face and picked himself up from the stairs.

His parents… no. He pulled out his phone and first sent Joohyun, then Taeil a text, breaking the good news.

He wasn’t even out of the building when it rang with a call.

_<incoming: Heaven, office>_

A smile tugged on his lips when he swiped right.

“Hello?”

_“See, told you it’d go through! Congrats!”_

Jungwoo giggled and his breath turned into small white puffs of air.

“I really wasn’t sure. I got 100% on it, Hyung, 100%!”

_“Rub it in, why don’t you. I should have re-appealed my fucked-up papers, too. Where did they have it re-graded? At the second best uni in the country, Yonsei uni?”_ Jungwoo chuckled, so relieved he couldn’t stop laughing even when there was hardly a reason to.

“Please, as if K U had to send their papers to such a bad school. It actually was sent to a habilitated alumni at Seoul National Hybrid clinic.” Jungwoo suddenly remembered Taeil had told him the name of his mentor there, once upon a time. He just couldn’t remember it… had it been Choi? “Say, Hyung, you praised one of them, what was their name?

_“My mentor, doctor Kwon. Oh, sorry, Jungwoo, I’ll text you later, I still have to work. I was just so excited to hear the news.”_

Jungwoo realised that Taeil had immediately responded to his message. He never responded while he was working office hours and even if he wasn’t, Taeil was the worst texter to ever own a phone.

Had he, perhaps, been waiting because Jungwoo had said he was going to come here today?

“Sure, bye, Hyung.”

Wait, his mentor’s name had been Kwon?

So… Jungwoo’s scholarship and, in a way, his future, had been saved by Taeil’s mentor?

Jungwoo blinked at the screen where the photo he had assigned to Taeil – the same one that had been his Kakao talk picture for so long, just cut a bit tighter so Yuta and Jaehyun weren’t in it – was still up, the duration of the call underneath.

Funny, how life played sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might have been expecting to read about birthdays and others.
> 
> I considered writing that, however, we’re already at over 100k words and still in 2013 – the fic is supposed to end in 2016. I don’t want this to become 300k and I struggled SO MUCH with chapter 17 (and 18) because, honestly, I got bored.
> 
> I feel a bit bad for not going into detail with Kun but due to the nature of Jungwoo’s role in the “family” rn, he wouldn’t have been too involved anyway, it would have been hard to make it work without changing my own canon.
> 
> So. Here’s a time skip. I hope you can forgive me but I believe it’s better like this.

June in Seoul was hot and humid. And sunny, shortly before monsoon season. Jungwoo liked the sun but it didn’t like him.

“Hyung, you realise every sunburn will heighten your risk of skin cancer?” Jaehyun frowned and poked his red-ish arm.

“I know, I just forgot the trip from the Metro station was this long?” Jungwoo felt genuinely bad for not having protected himself enough. He had overslept a little and then hurried to get to Gangnam before lunch – sunscreen had been the last thing on his mind.

“I’ll put some Aloe on it for you, just a sec,” and with that, Jaehyun disappeared down the hall.

Jungwoo looked after him and felt his own mouth pull into a frown.

Jaehyun had plenty of ointments and creams to help his skin condition, yet he hardly looked any better than last winter. He was 16 already and Taeil had said once he finished his studies and passed the part of the nursing exam, he needed Jaehyun to be knowledgable in to effectively work with him, he would be allowed to join the team.

He should know that constant treatment was absolutely vital when it came to his eczema, yet, he was sloppy with it at best.

He decided not to dwell on it and went into the living room, where Taeyong had already disappeared into after greeting him. Taeyong didn’t always come to the door anymore and Jungwoo was a little sad, but it might be part of growing up and of becoming healthier, so he didn’t want to ask him to pick a habit back up that might have been problematic. He didn’t want to ask him to stay a kid forever because no one would be.

He enjoyed it whenever Taeyong did come, instead.

Kun was setting the table and looked up when he heard Jungwoo enter. A small smile spread on his face, “Hi, Jungwoo-Hyung. You look like it’s really hot outside?”

“It is, I nearly melted. Bless air conditioning. Do you need help?”

“No, of c-“

“Oh, how cute, the napkins are so pretty!” Jungwoo didn’t let Kun finish.

It was rude and it irked him to interrupt someone but Kun had the unshakable habit of denying any help, so, Doyoung had suggested not letting him finish dismissing help and just insert themselves – that way they were rude but at least they didn’t go against his word because he didn’t get to deny them.

It hadn't yet worked but Jungwoo knew things sometimes took longer than he first expected them to. He had learnt that over months of Kun calling him Master, of him struggling to decide on anything, and of immediately obeying every wish.

He had gotten to know and share some of the sources for Taeil’s anxiety but he had also stayed ‘the other one’, never as affected, never as close to losing it, always able to assure Taeil it was going well, to calm his worries and fears until he could smile beautifully again.

With every step that Taeil took to make Kun feel at home, Jungwoo grew just a little more in love, with every worry he could dispel for Taeil and get a relieved smile in return for, Jungwoo could imagine a future where Taeil reciprocated these feelings for him just a little more.

Of course, it wasn’t just Taeil, who was the driving force behind integrating Kun and breaking him away from toxic behaviour.

It was also the kids, who were just as welcoming and understanding as Taei – but all in their own ways, with their own ideas and quirks to add to the mix.

It had been Taeyong, who had found a way to finally make Kun drop the ‘Master’ when addressing Jungwoo and Taeil, or any other human. They had retracted to all calling him Master as well. Jungwoo had thought it was ridiculous but Taeyong had argued they were pulling him to their level.

In such a situation, it was better to trust another Hybrid’s opinion and experience than insist on knowing better.

It had been the right mindset, to follow an uncommon idea, because after not even a week of first panic, then confusion, and finally understanding on Kun’s part, he had stopped it and never picked it back up since.

“Oh, uh, I folded them,” Kun stuttered.

“They look beautiful, like flowers, is it inspired by a specific one?” Jungwoo asked. Kun didn’t accept compliments quite yet, but building his confidence up and making him see that he had skills that weren’t common and were something to be proud of was task Taeil and he had. How Taeil had done for his other kids – and still was because learning to love oneself was hard.

Jungwoo knew that all too well, after all, he was still on that road himself.

“Yes, uh… I don’t know the Korean word, wait.” Kun pulled out his phone and typed for a few seconds, “Lotus,” he looked up carefully and Jungwoo beamed back.

“Really pretty! You did that so well. Are they for the new intern?”

“Kind of? Taeyong and I thought it’d be nice to have everything extra neat.” Kun nodded, playing with the hem of the tablecloth.

“I hope he’ll appreciate it!” Jungwoo chirped.

If he was fully honest, he genuinely hoped he would.

He was a bit scared to see the reaction of the new student that Taeil had under his wing.

He had been a bit more relieved than would have been acceptable to find out he had been assigned another male student, not a woman. It was completely irrelevant and only for his own selfish purpose of wanting to keep Taeil for himself when he wasn’t his to keep.

Regardless of their gender, he remembered all too well with what ideas he had come here a year ago. He couldn’t blame this new intern to have the very same ones, but it didn’t change that he was a little worried about how he’d take to the family.

He hadn’t argued with Taeil, who had been just a tad too optimistic.

Jungwoo didn’t want to make himself some saint he wasn’t. He had been dumb and ignorant at first but he had been open-minded enough to learn.

Through conversation with his fellow students, that he felt more and more disconnected from as the year progressed, he wasn’t sure there were too many others as easily swayed. He wasn’t sure there were as many people as timid as him, who’d not dare speak up and try to stay silent even when things around them didn’t make any sense.

While fitting in was important for everyone, most wouldn’t have to pretend much and wouldn’t bend over backwards to always blend in between others.

He just hoped Taeil wasn’t a bit too naïve – even if he felt stupid accusing Taeil of being.

“Hyung, I have the aloe treatment, hold out your arms, please,” Jaehyun came back into the living room and Jungwoo let him massage the gel in. It was really nice and cooling. He’d remember sunscreen next time. Hopefully.

“Thanks, Jaehyun.”

“You’re welcome. Was my technique good? Would that pass in the office?”

Jungwoo smiled and nodded, “I think it would, I felt very comfortable.”

Jaehyun’s eyes nearly sparkled under the praise – he was so precious. Jungwoo was sure he would excel on his exams. After all, Jaehyun had been preparing and studying for it for about a year. It was, obviously, shorter than a regular nurse would but since no school would take a Hybrid, that wasn’t an option. He’d only be tested on the basic procedures and skills. Everything more elaborate would come naturally once Jaehyun would start working in the office.

Jungwoo almost was a little envious. Without people to talk to and with constantly being the odd one out that’d make comments that the others in his class had started groaning over, he was eager to finish university.

To get the sort of responsibility Taeil had, of course, a year of studying nursing wouldn’t cut it. Being a doctor, the one in charge and making the decisions so others could heal and improve, was what Jungwoo wanted to be, after all.

It was his dream and, with people believing in him and supporting him, he wasn’t going to let some unkind nicknames stop him anymore.

It wasn’t high school, where his bullies would beat him up after classes. It wasn’t high school, where he was insecure and constantly scared, allowing others to trample all over him because he had no pride in himself.

He was more now: more confident, more compassionate.

More loved.

Doyoung came into the living room, looking gloomy.

“Hyung, do you need some aloe for your mood? I’m sure it’ll cheer you right up!” Jaehyun chirped and Doyoung glared his direction but wasn’t able to hold it.

“Save your terrible jokes.”

“Oooh, I think we need full-on zinc salve for this,” Jaehyun teased and Jungwoo couldn’t help chuckle at their exchange.

It was nice, to see that Jaehyun, despite still sensitive and caring to the bone, was slowly growing past the role of the spoilt youngest. He still was, but as he matured, he stopped being as childish in his actions.

Of course, Jungwoo missed it just how he missed Taeyong always coming running when someone came home, but that was probably the parent behaviour that Taeil constantly called himself out on. It was sad to know the little puppy grew up but no one would be a child forever – and no one should.

“Guys, can someone give me a hand?” Taeyong called from the kitchen and Doyoung nearly ran to aid him.

Jungwoo’s eyes caught on Kun’s trousers and he internally sighed. He had his tail hidden.

Kun might fit in quite nicely and, like through a miracle, hadn’t developed any obvious issues over the time he had been owned by god knew whom, but Jungwoo wasn’t sure they weren’t there, somewhere.

Because Kun didn’t really let anyone in, he was still so extremely guarded and cautious.

Taeil had decided not to force him to see a psychologist since Kun didn’t want to go, but Kun, generally, didn’t accept help as if he was ashamed to do so.

That he didn’t like to leave the flat and, if he did, always hid his tail let Jungwoo conclude that there was something not talked about, hidden somewhere under diligent Korean studies and over-eager reactions to every question directed at him.

He also occasionally hid his tail when he was inside – whenever there was someone around not part of the inner circle of the family, Taeil’s mother being the most prominent example.

It also meant Taeil’s mother asked Taeil why he was burdening himself with yet another Hybrid and that a woman could be scared off by this many of them. That was a whole different topic entirely.

It must be uncomfortable. Jungwoo didn’t have a tail, obviously, but he imagined it would be constricting.

“Taeil-Hyung said you’re going to come to the park with us on Sunday?” Jaehyun had settled on his usual chair and looked ready to dig in the second everyone was seated. Seeing how Taeil, Yuta, and the intern weren’t even here yet, he’d have to be a bit more patient.

“Yeah. All exams are done, I’ll have plenty of time,” Jungwoo was very much looking forward to that.

Other than spending it here or anywhere else with the Hybrids and Taeil, he also had a trip to Gunpo planned, together with Joohyun.

Not to see his family, of course.

Neither to see hers.

They just wanted to go shopping and visit the places they remembered from their childhood. It was a trip just for the two of them, to spend time together and relax while reliving their shared memories. The good ones.

Of course, Jungwoo had thought about at least going past his parents’ home but he hadn’t even dared to voice that thought.

He knew it was dumb.

Joohyun would know it was dumb.

He knew he wouldn’t gain anything from it.

He just expected to feel something when returning where his home used to be… like everything was okay and right, maybe?

He’d suggest it once they were there and if he actually felt like still going it.

“Great, well, I’ll not be on break for much longer but until then.” Jaehyun grinned, showing his soft dimples.

“When’s the date for the testing? 25th to 30th, right?” Jungwoo asked.

Jaehyun nodded, making his ears flop.

“And from the 1st of July on, Taeil-Hyung will have all of Saturday open and I’ll be officially a nurse. It’ll be so cool, I’m sure!” Jaehyun was full of the untainted motivation of a young pupil. Jungwoo hoped he could keep this energy but he doubted he would once he actually was thrown into the daily work. Not like he hated going to work, not at all, but the reality of working was actually a lot harder than he had always imagined it would be.

Jaehyun would surely realise and get to a point of moderate excitement, enough to still enjoy his work but not expect miracles to happen. Miracles, unfortunately, were unheard of in medicine, as much as everyone would like to perform them.

The sound of the lock opening came from the door and Kun startled and backed himself away into the farthest corner fo the room on instinct. Jungwoo’s heart sunk but he knew it wouldn’t help Kun if he did anything. He wasn’t like Jaehyun, who was trusting once one had gotten past his initial shyness. Even that shyness was shrinking every week as he grew more confident and mature.

Taeil had said it was due to the loyal nature of dogs, that cats didn’t have thus getting them to trust someone after making bad experiences would be as difficult as with a human – personal differences obviously resulting in plenty of exceptions to the rule.

Kun seemed to like them alright, but he wasn’t trusting them – not even with his own story of where he came from and what had happened to him. Taeyong might be an exception, but not really because even Taeyong frequently complained that Kun was very guarded off.

While he was very observant and caring, there were some things that Taeyong had no understanding for because he lacked the experience or maturity. It meant more telling him to be patient with Kun and let him figure things out at the pace he needed and it, once more, showed how difficult integrating a new family member was.

Kun wasn’t the only one, though. In the efforts, Jungwoo, too, had grown from a friend to more. Both with Taeil, whom he had spent hours together with often just listening to, and with the kids, he had been filling in for Taeil with when it became too much to handle for one person.

It was a lot of work. But the most rewarding one he had ever done.

He couldn’t understand how anyone would say kids would scare someone off.

If anything, they made being in love with Taeil even more beautiful because each of them had something from how, each of them mirrored how wonderful a person he was.

Taking the time to talk to them, play with them, understand them, was as rewarding was doing the same with Taeil because they opened up how he did, they gave back so much more than Jungwoo invested.

There was no time to feel lonely when there were five Hybrids around you and the person you loved choosing you as the one to confine in. There was no need to drain his best friend and monopolise her attention when there was so much on him from the family he wasn’t quite part of but also inseparable from.

Taeyong came from the kitchen and started to hastily spread side dishes, followed by Doyoung bringing friend fish and pork. A hearty, full Korean meal like in a restaurant. Jungwoo was relieved to see Kun move to seek refuge with Taeyong and Doyoung, those whom he seemed to turn to first when seeking comfort.

It was a mixture of birds of the same feather flocking together and the lingering hierarchy, that must be engrained to the point of being part of his sub-conscience, in which he was on the same level as those two – but below everyone else. It was one of the very few things Kun had explained before.

It was another sad part of reality, that even between the Hybrids, who were put down and oppressed, there were more differences that made those on the very bottom feel like their worth was non-existent.

Kun would overcome it. Some day.

They were working to help him do every day. With time, he would get there.

Not giving up was their duty.

“I’m starving,” Yuta burst into the living room and made a bee-line for his seat next to Jungwoo’s, where he sat down while everyone else’s eyes were on him.

“How is he?” Jaehyun was the first to voice the question on all their minds.

Yuta shrugged.

“He didn’t let me do my totally awesome office tour so… I might not like him as much… but he could still turn out to be nice just really biased right now.”

Jungwoo felt a little like he should have the most understanding out of everyone because he had once been miseducated and ignorant, too. It was easy to now be arrogant over someone not having gotten to the realisations he had. That way, both sides would wear their heads high and not try to see eye to eye with the other, meaning, no understanding would be achieved at all.

He saw the mistake before he could make it, even if it was tempting.

“Hate him already,” Doyoung decided and flopped onto his chair, the grumpiest frown on his face.

It took only a moment longer for Taeil to enter with intern 2.0, as Jungwoo had dubbed him in his head. Intern 2.0 looked rather overwhelmed at the sight of five strangers and Jungwoo was understanding without having to force himself to be.

“Oh, you’re all here already? Well, that makes it easier. These are Taeyong, Kun, Doyoung, you already know Yuta, Jungwoo, and Jaehyun.”

The intern 2.0 let his eyes drag over everyone, face straight.

Jungwoo hoped. He hoped so much no comments would come.

He was sure he thought Taeil was crazy, which was fine, but he should try and spare the Hybrids his opinions, please!

Jungwoo was here to cut in if need be but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want need be. He’d be perfectly content if he went home with a full tummy and with lots of cuddling and maybe quizzing Jaehyun or Kun. He would be glad to be proven wrong and to have been too harsh in judging the new intern before even knowing him. He would be fine with realising there were people far better than himself, who wouldn’t need so much convincing to see the obvious truth in front of them.

He just feared these wishes wouldn’t come true.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Han Jihyung,” he quickly bowed. Good, very good, he had respect and manners. Jungwoo allowed himself to relax a little and hope.

“How about you sit down next to Jaehyun, that seat is free,” Taeil suggested before taking his regular one. Jihyung did as suggested and glanced Jaehyun up and down without bothering to be subtle about it. Jungwoo noticed Jaehyun tensing and slouching, but no comment came.

“Are you a vegetarian, by any chance?” Taeyong chirped and cocked his head.

“No.”

“Okay, I just need to know for cooking purposes. It’s always stressful when there’s too little of something,” Taeyong explained and started putting fish onto Kun’s plate.

Kun had gained just enough weight to get him out of the zone where one might worry, but he had stayed there ever since, just above the weight that Taeil had explained to him was necessary to ensure his body was getting all the nutrients and power it needed to work. But he ate big meals and didn’t constrict himself into an unhealthy diet. It was likely similar to Jungwoo himself, he could eat ridiculous amounts of food and, despite only doing his daily Yoga and going on an occasional run, he never gained weight.

Not really a reason to worry, just fast metabolism.

“So, Hyung, did you get your internship by lot, too?” Taeyong carried on the conversation before it could get awkward.

“By lot?” Jihyung raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, my tutor assigned us by lot,” Jungwoo explained, still thinking it had been ridiculous even though it had been the luckiest fate he could have had.

“At K U?”

“Yes, we both go to the same uni,” Jungwoo felt slightly offended by the tone with which he had asked. Nevermind the SKY universities were the only three teaching Hybrid medicine in Seoul because it was such an exclusive department. Exclusive and wildly under-developed, which, in theory, should make them ashamed to even have it in their portfolio.

“Okay… well, no, we were assigned by our tutor depending on academic performance and previous internship. I mean, I’m not surprised he put me here because I called him a braindead asslicker. No offence, but your office obviously isn’t exactly first choice or professional or anything,” Jungwoo took a deep breath and swallowed. He had thought the same thing, he shouldn’t call the kettle black.

“That’s not a polite word,” Taeyong muttered while Taeil seemed wholly unbothered.

“Care to explain how you got to the conclusion my office is unprofessional? Is there any way I could improve the treatment of my patients? They’re my number one priority, any constructive and valid criticism is very valuable to me,” Jungwoo admired how Taeil just turned the point around, putting his intern into the awkward situation of having to explain.

He hadn’t even twitched or had to swallow his anger, how Jungwoo had.

Not necessarily because he didn’t feel it. Taeil was just as much human he was. Even he wouldn’t truly be indifferent to such a comment, despite it coming from ignorance and not cruelty.

Being offended or closing off just would shut the conversation down immediately. Taeil knew that better than Jungwoo, and he was more mature than he was, too. It was one of his many strength, that Jungwoo loved so much in him. It was one of the many strengths that Jungwoo would still have to work on developing for himself before he’d be as good a person as Taeil.

Doyoung was sunk low over his food and Taeyong looked around nervously, never one to like conflicts of any kind, while the other three were only mildly uncomfortable.

Jihyung looked a bit overwhelmed by Taeil’s reaction as well and definitely didn’t know what to answer, at least not right away. Jungwoo hoped he’d just realise his mistake and let it go, hopefully re-consider and let all the impressions he was sure to get here change his mind, how his own had been changed.

A few moments went by without answer and Jungwoo was sure there wouldn’t be one, so, he helped himself to some more egg-roll.

“Have you heard of proper patient-etiquette? I had a whole course on how to interact with strangers’ Hybrids – definitely not how you do. That just screams unprofessionalism. Nevermind, your own pet? At an office? And… cats and a bunny?” Jihyung glanced to where the three Hybrids in question sat, “There’s a place and a time for everything, right?” he looked at Jungwoo as if to ask for help.

He wouldn’t get that. Understanding, to a point, yes, but no support, not from him.

“Thanks, I studied for months and took the national nursing exam from 2010 for all practical tasks, but pets works, too, I guess,” Yuta mumbled. Jungwoo’s heart clenched.

He had thought of him as a pet, too, when he had first come.

There was just a major difference and Jungwoo would give himself just this tiny little piece: he had never openly said these hurtful words.

“I mean, I’m not saying you’re not doing your best but it’s too hard a job for a Hybrid. That’s why it’s not professional. It’s no surprise our tutor sent me, the student he hates the most, to this place,” Jungwoo heard a slightly panicked edge in the other’s voice but he tried to laugh it off, making it only worse and the tension was thick enough to cut it now.

“Jihyung, I can see how you’d be surprised because Taeil-Hyung’s practices aren’t the norm, I was confused at first, too, but just give it a day or two before you judge?” Jungwoo suggested carefully, “These are people you’re talking to, your words can be hurtful.”

Best if he’d just shut up now. Jungwoo was sure he could be forgiven if he didn’t worsen it, realised his mistake, and honestly apologised in maybe a few days, once he had understood the whole extent of how he had been wrong.

Jungwoo reached over to pet over Yuta’s back, feeling the other lean against him immediately in a quiet thanks.

“Right,” Jihyung muttered, looking like he’d do exactly what Jungwoo had hoped he would.

“If you’re curious about how I taught Yuta, Jaehyun’s currently preparing for the same test. I’d love to have them go to school and learn every single thing but, as you surely know, that’s not an option. At least you can access most of the material one way or another, so we can get sufficient replacement for him,” Taeil still sounded upbeat.

“Yeah. Sure,” Jinhyung glanced at Jaehyun, next to him, once more and nodded.

Good! This was good!

Jungwoo was both proud of Taeil for his endless patience and constant upstanding for his own beliefs, and a little happy with Jinhyung for not being too stuck in his way and, apparently, open to reconsidering.

He remembered, it had been both his experiences and the support with hard, scientific facts Taeil had provided for him and reminded him of in their talks, that had made him reconsider.

It seemed like a recipe for success.

Jungwoo felt secure enough to take his hand off Yuta’s back and return to the food.

They ate in silence for a minute until Jungwoo had managed to relax from his worries over anyone getting seriously hurt and finally found a topic that felt safe to address.

“Are you from Seoul originally, Jihyung?”

He had some questions regarding the weekend but he didn’t quite feel like discussing any of his free-time activities and plans with him in the room. While not comfortable jumping right into where on Han it would be best to play, he still wanted Jihyung to feel welcome and included because that had also been a big part in his own change in heart. If everyone got to know Jihyung better, it’d make forgiving ignorant comments easier. It was an overall beneficial strategy.

“Yeah, I’m from Hannam. I went to the international school since my father works for the government. How about you?” so, he came from money. Big money. Jungwoo felt misplaced, once more, even though Taeil never showed his family’s wealth off or let him know that Jungwoo’s own came from a class far below his.

“I’m from Gunpo, I moved here for uni,” Jungwoo explained. Jihyung nodded, seemingly interested but not judging. That was good. Jungwoo could appreciate that! He could have made a point looking down on him for not being from Seoul, as some natives did, or ask where from exactly, to judge if Jungwoo’s family had money or not. He hadn't.

“I’m from here, from Yeoksam, at least that’s where we lived since I was three,” Taeil explained and, once more, Jihyung just nodded and didn’t make any comment. Automatically, Jungwoo felt much more at ease with him. It was exactly what he had hoped to achieve. Now, he’d just have to find more comfortable topics.

“Did you move to Anam or do you commute?” Jungwoo wasn’t sure if someone from Hannam would change a nice villa against one of the more traditional and, arguably, run-down districts of Seoul even if it meant a quite annoying trip every morning. At least it was probably a reverse commute because normal people lived in the cheaper districts and had to go to the fancy ones, how Jungwoo did. It still wasn’t unheard of, he even knew people he used to be ‘friends’ with who lived in Gangnam just because they preferred the neighbourhood.

“No, I moved. I wanted to become more independent, anyway.” Jungwoo had the inkling that he wanted to get drunk and not have his parents know. That’s what he had wanted and planned for before he had had to re-adjust his entire life, making his parents no longer a party to consider in the first place.

“I’m lucky I’m the youngest out of three, so they let me live quite freely and I didn’t have to go for politics, how my Hyung had.” There it was, expectations from parents placed into their kids. Jungwoo was glad for Jihyung and his fate as the youngest sparing him probably some misery. He did feel a bit bad for his older brother, even though he didn’t know him. It felt relatable to have your path planned out by your family.

Most likely, his older brother wouldn’t ever say he was trapped in the confinements his parents had spun all his life. Jihyung, as the younger brother and unaffected party, wouldn’t know how crushing it could be and thus would offer such personal information without ever realising that was what it was.

It wasn’t done with the purpose to hurt anyone – even quite reflective of reality. For Jungwoo, it made him more palpable and understandable as a person, so he appreciated he was this open.

He didn’t think Jihyung was bad company. Hopefully, he’d put in the work to overcome all the lies he had grown up in. He could see him as a future friend if there were more sides to him like this.

If he could change his opinions about Hybrids, that was.

Just to be safe, Jungwoo was about to stir away from any potentially explosive family topics and continue the shallow but nice conversation, but someone was faster and less careful in picking:

“Why did you choose Hybrid medicine then?” Taeyong’s question was innocent but Jungwoo wanted to hold his mouth shut.

No, not yet, not right now!

“Well, I used to have a nanny and I know the bills whenever there was literally anything wrong were hefty. Seemed like a less troublesome way to get my foot on the ground than investment banking or something,” he shrugged.

Jungwoo felt a little sick but, unfortunately, not surprised. Taeil had said it before and it held true: money was the main driving factor in anything involving Hybrids – actually, money was the main driving factor in almost everything in life.

He could change his mind. It might seem like a poor and immoral motivation, but he wasn’t irredeemable. They just had to be more careful in how they stirred him towards realising the faults in his thinking.

Again, he didn’t get the chance to and neither did Taeil, who looked like he wished he had been able to hold Taeyong’s mouth shut, too. Or Doyoung’s, who now spoke:

“Comparing health and the lives of people you decide to enslave and keep as pets to deciding if you want to sell stocks short or invest in futures on the market doesn’t sound like the most ignorant statement anyone has ever made to you?” he hadn’t even looked up yet, but now he did and his face was set in fury.

“Doie, I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that. Investment bankers are responsible for pension funds and the likes. It’s a lot of money entrusted to them, that they need to carefully hedge and ensure long term secured interest on.” Taeyong leaned past Kun to put a hand on Doyoung’s shoulder to calm him down.

Doyoung didn’t calm down, of course.

But his words, even though coming from a place of hurt that Jungwoo hated knowing Doyoung in, might have tipped the scale. Jungwoo saw the gears in Jihyung’s head turn and he could guess this was quite the culture shock to him. After all, Jungwoo himself understood less about the stock market than Doyoung. But that was because Jungwoo literally didn’t understand a single thing other than that it traded stocks.

Regardless, it must be the moment of epiphany for Jihyung.

He turned to Taeil, and asked: “You taught them to say this, to shock people, or something?”

Or not.

“No, I don’t have much understanding of the stock market, to be honest.” Taeil returned, still patient, “But Doyoung’s smart enough to self-teach himself where I fail to.”

He had to see this, it was so crystal clear, he had to realise that, yes, none of this fit reality because reality was a lie, at least the one he was still living in.

Jungwoo was sure he had been having this moment of realisation, only to be let down again.

“That’s a bunny Hybrid. Fully developed, they have the cognitive capability of a six-year-old child. They aren’t smart.” Jihyung said it slowly as if he was now starting to doubt Taeil’s cognitive capability as well. Jungwoo knew, he _knew,_ he had been stupid, too, but seeing ignorance being used in a way to hurt made it hard to remember.

“Fuck you,” Doyoung hissed and jumped off his chair, that rattled over the living room floor. He threw his chopsticks on the table and thundered out of the room, down the hall, from where the slam of his door could be heard.

Kun looked pale and was sunk into his chair while Taeyong had tears in his eyes now, hand still in the air where it had been on Doyoung’s arm. From Jungwoo’s left came a sniff and he quickly put his chopsticks down as well, to now rub Jaehyun’s back soothingly.

Jihyung, instead of looking regretful, had a frown on his face, looking like he was fed up when it was Taeil who had every right to be.

“Jihyung, I understand that society teaches you certain views and I can accept you don’t come in here understanding everything, but, as Jungwoo said, words can be very hurtful. You’re welcome to learn here and I can give you amazing papers published by the best in the field to broaden your horizon, but I can’t have you treat my Hybrids like this. They’re in no way inferior to you and I hope you wouldn’t treat another person, another human, like this, so, I expect you don’t do it to a Hybrid.”

“You don’t seriously believe that?” intern 2.0 snorted and looked at Jungwoo challengingly.

“This isn’t a religion. There’s scientific proof,” Jungwoo snarled, fed up. He even surprised himself with how sharp his voice came out. Normally, he always got teary and choked up, but today, his anger didn’t mix with the upset he felt.

It was good. It was what he wanted. Not everyone was entitled to seeing that side of him.

He had matured emotionally to not become overwhelmed by a whole jumble of them whenever there was an unpredictable situation.

Because he had faced his emotions and learnt what they meant and how they were part of him.

Once more, that was paying off.

The silence that followed was filled with Jaehyun sniffling. Jungwoo knew Taeil had forgiven him so many fuck-ups, he’d have to try and be as kindhearted and do the same if Jihyung eventually came to the right conclusion, but he was so mad at what he had said, how he had hurt five people within ten minutes, it was hard to imagine being forgiving.

Even if Jungwoo cut the Hybrids out of it, it was hard to still be open to a conversation just one on one.

It was one of the ways in which Jungwoo still lacked.

Occasionally, he thought he was there, he was where he wanted to be.

So far, the realisation he always came to was, that he wasn’t. There was still more growth he had to achieve before he was the man he wanted to be, on a level with Taeil.

Each time he realised he wasn’t that person yet, he returned with more motivation to improve. Another argument started and finished. Another evening spent without thinking about toxic ways to defeat the feeling of loneliness. Another challenge in being a role model to the kids he succeeded in. Or another chance to let Taeil see the world differently.

It wasn’t quite enough yet.

After each kiss, that happened in the quiet of Taeil’s office or the staircase when they both had forgotten where they were, who they were, and who they weren’t, and instead gotten lost in the other’s eyes, one of them suggested forgetting about it.

Jungwoo didn’t. He never brought it up again, but he kept the memory for himself to let re-play when he felt alone or sad.

Why Taeil kept pulling away, Jungwoo wasn’t sure. He didn’t see power dynamics between them too big to overcome. Not anymore.

Jungwoo still didn’t dare oppose to forgetting until their next kiss to re-start the circle. He didn’t ask why Taeil also seemed to be pulled to him like both of them were magnets, one south, one north pole. He didn’t ask why Taeil wanted to forget.

He used the excuse to forget to buy himself time.

If he asked, he’d have to open up, he’d have to admit to his own feelings, put himself out there.

Jungwoo loved Taeil, he was as sure of this as the sun rose in the east every morning. He wanted to be with him. He wanted to find a way to make it work – he just didn’t know how yet.

So, he’d have to wait longer, work harder, grow more.

Once he would get to the point where he could take the first step and could ask, he’d have reached the point where, in Jungwoo’s plan, he would be ready for a relationship.

The question if Taeil felt the same for him and if _he_ was ready for a relationship could be addressed once he got there.

Until then, Jungwoo would pretend to forget about their kisses and cherish them in the privacy of his own head.

“Whatever,” Jihyung, shook his head a little and turned back to the food.

Jungwoo wasn’t satisfied with a sloppy ‘whatever’ and he glanced over at Taeil, who looked like he shared his mindset. Doyoung’s place being empty was impossible to ignore and Jungwoo tried to soothe Jaehyun, but he kept sniffling wetly.

“On a word, Jihyung,” Taeil rose from his chair, the gentleness gone from his voice.

Jihyung looked like he had expected it an immediately followed suit. Jungwoo watched them leave the room and shorty after heard the flat’s door close.

“Does he really want to become a doctor to become rich?” Taeyong asked, disbelief in his voice, green eyes looking like marbles from how shiny they were with tears.

“Seems like it,” Jungwoo begrudgingly confirmed. He definitely could have seen Jihyung as a nice person, but the way he had just behaved ruined all the good sides he might have. A person who’d use a position of power so ruthlessly couldn’t truly be good, in Jungwoo’s experience and opinion. Jaehyun had picked up a napkin and was drying his face unsuccessfully.

“What he said…” Kun softly started, voice shaky, “That’s what I always thought. But… it’s not true, right?”

“Of course, it’s not!” Jungwoo shook his head.

“They just tell us that.” Taeyong reminded – not only Kun but all of them.

“And people like him are the reason why they do. I think I might not like him, after all.” Yuta looked as if that had been difficult decision to come to and Jungwoo’s heart sunk that he’d be this welcoming and this faithful in a stranger. Jungwoo had benefitted from Yuta’s big heart just as much and he hoped, even past anger, that Jihyung would find it in himself to see it.

“D-Doyoung-Hyung’s r-really smart, too,” Jaehyun hickupped and Jungwoo tried to take the napkin that was starting to come apart and stick to his face in small flakes of purple.

“He is. Very smart and educated. Do you want to go and tell him, so he himself doesn’t forget it?” Jungwoo wasn’t sure he’d not get the door thrown in his face but Jaehyun – he probably would be fine.

It seemed Jaehyun liked the idea because he was off his chair immediately and thundered down the hallway, a clear “Doyoung-Hyung!” heard from where he was knocking insistently.

“I get that someone would think I’m just a pet at the office, at first especially. It makes sense seeing what everyone is taught and I don’t mind it too much but I helped Taeil-Hyung the morning, he should have seen I can pull my weight as a nurse,” Yuta looked unsettled as if he was doubting his own qualities.

“It’s just been one day… he might need a bit longer to… open to the idea. I really don’t know. I’ll be honest. I… I think you know I thought you were a mascot at first, too, but it was much too obvious there was a flaw in my thinking. I can’t imagine he’d be that blind to not be able to see.”

“Hm, yeah, I thought you did. You never said it, though. That’s kind of what really sucks. It’s one thing to guess and assume and it’s another to hear it said,” Yuta sighed deeply and Jungwoo immediately understood because he felt the same when such a situation arose.

Now knowing this issue, Jungwoo at least could do a bit of repair to the damage that had been done. He had done this over the last half-year of becoming more than a friend and more of a co-parent, even if he would never dare call himself that when it was still Taeil doing the majority of the emotional work.

When he knew where the rooms with the broken light were, he could make sure to come by in hopes of chasing away a few shadows.

No one deserved to live with more of them than absolutely necessary.

The Hybrids cuddling and accepting him, Taeil confining in and trusting him, helped Jungwoo to see more light in his own mind and heart. Just as much as it seemed the room with the broken light got slowly filled up with small candles lighting the darkness, he wanted to put candles into the hearts of those he had gotten to love – platonically or romantically – and he was now strong enough to do so.

“Yuta, you’re an excellent nurse that brings so much to the office by understanding and emphasising with the patients how no one else could. You’re incredibly quick and also think ahead, which helped me learn so much more about the procedures I had to do. Nevermind you’re so kind and welcoming, I just realised again how much. You make people feel like they fit in. It really helped me a lot especially since I had a place to feel that way for the first time in years when I first came.

“It’s you, too, Taeyong. I still remember how you noticed I didn’t eat meat within the first hour of our meeting. I know friends who still forgot after years of knowing me. My… family never bothered making vegetarian dishes for me and while I know you make them for Doyoung, you always remembered to think of me because you’re such a compassionate and caring person and I’m so grateful for that. I wish I was half as good when it came to coming up with new ways of combining vegetables and spices as you are.

“And Kun, I’m always so incredibly happy to come by and hear you talk even better Korean because you work so hard studying it. I can’t even imagine how scary it must have been to find yourself in a foreign country with no one around you knew. You’re incredibly brave for taking this fate and making the best of it. I’m really relieved you said what he just said was what you _used_ to think. In a way, I was the same as you, I had to overcome this nonsense, just from the other side of it, from the side that is privileged and profits off you. Even that was hard. I can’t begin to try and understand how hard it is for you, but you’re making amazing progress, that you have every right to be proud of. It makes me hope to see you become even more independent and confident because you deserve to be, you’re just as smart as Taeyong is, as Yuta is, as Doyoung is, as I am.”

Jungwoo didn’t have to stutter and think anymore. He knew what he loved about the kids, he knew what he loved about Taeil. He knew what he loved about himself.

He could say everything freely off his chest because Yuta was right. It hit harder to hear something said out loud. Jungwoo knew that to be true from his own experience.

He didn’t even feel weird about opening up about some parts of his past or his own mistakes. For the first time, he had said that his family had never respected his decision to not eat meat, yet, it didn’t come with the heartbreaking longing he usually felt whenever he mentioned them.

Because right here was another family, that he was becoming part of, that didn’t do all these things, that remembered even small details about him and respected them. It was like Jungwoo had finally given up trying to piece shards of a lightbulb, that would never light up again, together. He didn’t need to try make the impossible become possible to chase the shadows away anymore – there were candles replacing the broken light, starting to shine brighter than it ever had.

He had lost his family, the one related by blood, but he had found a new one, where he was accepted and loved for all that he was.

Yuta dropped himself against Jungwoo’s side and butted his head against his arm, while Kun went from pasty white to a little flushed and Taeyong sniffled and nodded, using his sleeves to soak up the tears from his eyes.

“Thank you. That really helped,” he whispered and turned to Kun, as if he was hoping that, for once, Kun would accept a compliment.

“It does, I feel so important suddenly,” Yuta chirped and Jungwoo scratched his ears to get him to stop painfully pushing into the muscle of his arm. 

Kun glanced back at Taeyong and it seemed the two had a moment of non-verbal communication, then, he spared Jungwoo the shortest second of a glance.

“Uh. Yeah,” was all he said.

It wasn’t much, it wasn’t there yet.

But it was progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As far as I know, Jihyung is a Korean name given to males and no idol by the name of Han Jihyung has debuted at this point, which is why I chose it. I know many don’t mind when other idols are “bad” people in fanfic but there’s always comments that do complain if someone they like has an unfortunate part in a story and I don’t really enjoy doing it. I just really needed a name, unlike with Jungwoo’s ex, where I ditched that part.
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a wonderful start into 2020 and I wish you all the very best for the new year and the new decade <3

“Oh, sweetie, it smells absolutely amazing! What are you making?”

Jungwoo looked up from where his noodles bubbled happily.

“Kalguksu. Should be done any second now.”

“Woah. Do you still need help with anything? I feel bad for not coming earlier and just being a greedy leech and eating.”

“No, every-“ Jungwoo was interrupted by the doorbell ringing, “could you get the door?”

Joohyun nodded and moved from the counter and past where the traditional low table was set, ready to sit down. Jungwoo caught one of the noodles, blew on it to cool it, and quickly slurped it, satisfied with how soft it was.

“Wow, it’s like a restaurant here. Are we expecting the president?” Jennie asked, coming from the same room Joohyun just had.

“Almost. It’s Doyoung and Jaehyun. I don’t know, I feel like I need to live up to Taeyong, he’s always dishing out the best food.” Jungwoo knew Taeyong made most, if not all, side-dishes himself. He didn’t have that sort of patience, but he had become an acceptable chef ever since borrowing a cookbook from Taeyong for the first time.

Doyoung had eaten here before, a few times even, so there was no reason to be nervous – but he still was, of course.

“Oh, I wish I had invited myself shamelessly. I would have totally put in a good word for your crush with them. I can tell you from experience that getting on the child’s good side will benefit immensely – I always bad-talked the guys, who didn’t buy me presents, to my mum. They never made it past two months”

Jungwoo felt his face flush and set down the pot on the table. Jennie, upon hearing Jungwoo refer to the Hybrids as kids for the first time, had asked if he had gone mad. Jungwoo had taken a deep breath, remembered Taeil’s patience and said he hadn’t and there were good reasons as to why.

She had listened.

She had changed her mind.

“Please, don’t. I’m not there yet.”

He heard their voices and glanced over to where Joohyun was waiting by the open door. Doyoung knew her, it’d be fine.

“Okay. Too bad. I feel like you’ve been single forever but I guess I don’t see every way in which you work on yourself.”

“I… hope I am? Honestly, it feels forever to me, too, but if it’s for him, I’d wait forever.”

“Awww,” Jennie cooed and Jungwoo flushed deeper, desperate to change the topic.

“When will your flight go?” he checked the big clock, reading 12 pm.

“I still have plenty of time, Incheon 5:30 pm, give or take,” Jennie stole a piece of Kimchi and happily munched.

“You shouldn’t leave too late, honey, you never know how traffic will be,” Joohyun worried and Jennie nodded obediently.

“I will. I’ll leave now and pack up and let you know once I’m on my way.”

Joohyun pouted a little and Jungwoo could feel that it was hard for her to tell her girlfriend goodbye for weeks of the ocean separating them.

A knock on the open door interrupted them.

Joohyun opened it wider and revealed Doyoung and Jaehyun, both looking a little sweaty how the sun would leave you, Jaehyun especially in his long-sleeved clothes.

“Hi,” Doyoung carefully smiled.

“Hey, come in, come in,” Joohyun waved them inside and Doyoung stepped in first, followed by Jaehyun a little more apprehensively.

“Thank you for having me over. I’m Jaehyun,” he introduced himself in a small voice but without having to be prompted. Jungwoo felt immensely proud of him and thought of how Taeil had been so careful and patient with him when Jungwoo had first met him. Jaehyun had come a far way – they both had. He dropped into a deep bow and Joohyun gave a small in return.

“I’m Joohyun. And that is Jennie, but she’ll need to go and catch her flight now, won’t she?” Joohyun’s voice was scolding and Jennie laughed, however, she let Doyoung hastily introduce himself to her and the two take off their shoes to come inside first.

“Nice to meet you, I heard a bit about you from Jungwoo. You three should form a band and call yourselves outrageously tall and handsome or something,” she joked and Jaehyun flushed pinker than he had already been, “Jungwoo went all out, I’m very jealous I can’t stay and be a glutton with you. Definitely recommend him, though, he’s becoming boyfriend material.”

“Okaaay,” Jungwoo quickly interrupted and gestured to the table, “we don’t have a big table, so floor seating it is.”

“Thank you for having us, again.” Jaehyun softly said before looking around the table and sniffing, then choosing a spot, followed by Doyoung taking his side. It left Jungwoo to sit opposite of them.

“It’s really no bother, I just hope you’ll like what I made. There’s no meat?” Jungwoo picked up his chopsticks to stir the noodles once more before letting them dig in.

“Oh. Okay,” Jaehyun looked a little disappointed and Jungwoo felt a bit bad for him but also wanted to let him see that dead animal wasn’t needed to have a good meal.

“Do you have your phone?” Joohyun asked her girlfriend by the door. Jennie was all dressed and ready to leave. Even Jungwoo felt a little sad parting. He could only guess how Joohyun felt knowing she wouldn’t see her for almost a month.

“Yes. Have my phone, my wallet, and my charger. I only need your love and I’ll be good to go,” Jungwoo nearly dropped his chopsticks into the soup.

Her love? How was Joohyun planning to play that off as being friends?

He glanced at the two Hybrids, to judge if they had heard.

They both seemed unbothered. Jaehyun had already started to eat the yellow radish, looking satisfied with the taste from how he shredded through it. Doyoung was calculating his carbohydrate exchange.

Right. They wouldn’t mind. Jungwoo took a deep breath and calmed his heart that was racing in his chest. He had forgotten for a second, but he had remembered. It would be fine. No one would be hurt and insulted.

It was just a natural reaction to immediately worry for his friend and her safety if someone found out. It sucked that it was, but most people would take even poorer to a woman being with another than to a man being with a man. Because a woman’s actions would already be scrutinised to every last detail.

Jungwoo glanced over and saw Joohyun give Jennie a tiny peck, quickly averting his eyes again to give them privacy.

Well, maybe, Joohyun was tired of hiding, too. She might not know Jaehyun and hardly knew Doyoung, but she listened to Jungwoo ranting about them, she knew he was accepted and just how he trusted her judgement with her friends who knew about him liking men, she trusted his judgement about who to let know she liked women.

It felt good, to know this level of trust between them had been restored for good.

Doyoung adjusted his pen to inject the insulin he’d need and Jaehyun had finished the radish.

“Do you want me to get more?” Jungwoo carefully asked, eying the empty plate.

“Yes, please! Can you give Taeyong-Hyug the recipe? It’s super yummy!” Jaehyun’s eyes were shiny and Jungwoo chuckled.

“It’s Joohyun’s, you’ll have to ask her.”

Jaehyun didn’t seem overly excited by the news of having to ask the person he hardly knew. He glanced over to where Joohyun was in the door, probably waiting until Jennie was out of sight.

Jungwoo decided to just put all their remaining radish on the plate and when he sat back down, Joohyun closed the door and came over, sitting down next to him.

“So… uh… dig in?” Jungwoo wasn’t usually to open lunch (or any other meal of the day).

“Thank you!” Doyoung smiled and everyone started taking whatever they had had an eye on. Jaehyun was already half-way through the radish again. If he didn’t feel brave enough to ask Joohyun, Jungwoo would do it for him. The thought that he was probably contributing to the spoilt-baby situation struck him, but he discarded it.

After a moment of everyone focussing on the food, Joohyun was the first one to start the conversation:

“Doyoung, how are you physic studies going? I’ve occasionally thought about that, especially whenever Jungwoo mentioned you.”

Doyoung looked up with downright sparkling eyes, noodles still stuck between his teeth. He just remembered to slurp them up before answering.

“R-really? Uh, good, yes, really good. Jungwoo-Hyung’s been taking me to the library a few times and that’s just amazing and uh, yeah. It’s not that much yet but I’ve recently gotten more into mathematical physics because I also really enjoy maths and it seems to really combine what I like perfectly.”

Joohyun nodded and Jungwoo had no clue about mathematical physics but it sounded complicated and he was glad it wasn’t part of his curriculum.

“Physics are so versatile, people often don’t realise, but there’s so many different fields to focus on. Jaehyun, do you like studying, too?” Joohyun asked. She wasn’t normally one to freely address men when she didn’t have to and Jungwoo had been unsure if she’d even want to have lunch with them. It seemed Doyoung had left such a good impression that she not only hadn’t minded having lunch with a stranger, hadn’t felt the need to hide, but also now made sure to include him in conversation.

This was a new experience in more than one way, for probably all of them.

A good new experience. Jungwoo didn’t feel anxious and like every moment things would go south, how he had yesterday or how he had during most first encounters.

“Uh, um, yes,” Jaehyun glanced up for the fraction of a second.

“Tell her what,” Doyoung whispered so softly, Jungwoo nearly missed it. Not for the first time, he thought how visible Taeil’s teachings and influence on him were, just fitted to a different personality – not an indoctrinated puppet, but a child raised in a set of morals and ethics to guide him.

“I study to become a nurse,” Jaehyun added, voice even softer now.

“Oh, like Yuta?” Joohyun’s voice was gentle, adjusting to Jaehyun naturally.

“Yes!” Jaehyun perked up, able to look at her as if the name alone was enough to make her trustworthy in his books. It was fascinating to see, “What, um, what do you study to become? A physicist?” he had clearly picked up on that part without having to be told.

“Not really, no,” Joohyun chuckled, “I study electrical engineering. Engineering focusses more on applying what theoretical physics concluded. Engineers are the ones constructing your phones and modern machines. It’s a bit more exciting, in my opinion, than theoretical physics. I’m hoping to do my Bachelor and then follow up with my Master's degree. I’d like to stay and do a doctorate but… not sure if it will happen, there’s only a few slots and they have a pattern of not picking women for them.”

Jaehyun nodded slowly but seemed like there were still some questions as big as Jupiter in his head.

“I’m sure if you work harder than everyone else they will choose you!” he beamed to emphasise his point.

Joohyun smiled, “That’s sweet of you. Ideally, they would. Let’s hope they surprise me, for once.”

Jaehyun had exhausted their supply of radish and focussed on the cucumber next, between plenty of noodles. Jungwoo was glad he had made extra because Jaehyun ate almost as much as he did.

“Are you going to be over for lunch more? Jungwoo wouldn’t tell me why you even came. Not like I mind, it’s actually quite nice especially since Jungwoo’s doing the cooking.”

Doyoung and Jaehyun both exchanged a glance, then looked at Jungwoo expectantly.

“If you want to, you’re welcome, as I said,” Jungwoo repeated like a parent would.

“As long as the leech is still wasting the air, yes,” Doyoung grumbled.

“The leech?” Joohyun asked, surprised.

“He’s not a real leech.” Jaehyun cleared up, genuinely assuming that to be a confusion, “He just behaves like one because he’s stealing Taeil-Hyung’s time and energy and is nothing but mean in return.”

“Taeil-Hyung has a new intern,” Jungwoo quickly filled in the missing information. He wasn’t as bitter saying this. Most of his childish jealousy had lifted over the last months during which he had kissed and forgotten so many times, he knew no person out of nowhere would immediately replace him. The rest had gone out of the window when he had heard it was a man, not a much more socially acceptable woman.

If anything, there was bitterness that, despite a seemingly nice and interesting person, he behaved entitled and cruel when he could get away with it instead of showing understanding and compassion for the same people he should be caring for in the future. It was a character flaw and had chased Doyoung and Jaehyun from their own home for lunch to avoid him.

“Oh. Okay. And you don’t like him?” Joohyun asked. It wasn’t obvious to her why. She wouldn’t immediately think of to the mistreatment and neglect in the medical sector because she wasn’t in it.

She wasn’t involved in the issues that Jungwoo faced daily – there was no real need for her to be because she was in a completely different field. She had been open to changing her mind step by step over the last year to this point where she’d be sitting here like Doyoung and Jaehyun were normal high school boys.

But she wouldn’t immediately understand just how problematic an ignorant and stubborn intern in Hybrid medicine was.

“He told Yuta-Hyung he’s a pet after working with him, he said he’s becoming a doctor to become rich, he said Taeil-Hyung is unprofessional and implied he’s crazy, and he called me dumb. I hate him and I hope he quits and goes to hell never to return.” Doyoung glared at the noodles.

“Oh. Well. Alright,” Joohyun seemed surprised and Jungwoo couldn’t blame her. Doyoung’s words were very harsh. Jungwoo was tempted to think the same but his own experiences and past growth didn’t allow him to. He’d be a hypocrite of the worst kind and immature.

He had seen so much forgiveness. He remembered how it had saved him, how he had just been lost and confused.

It was impossible not to hope to be able to evoke change in another person, no matter how hurtful their words had been.

On Wednesday, Jungwoo made silk tofu and Jaehyun asked for the radish recipe.

On Thursday, Taeil sent Kun with the other two because he didn’t want to see all his progress undone by hurtful words that left more damage than Kun would let them know.

On Friday evening, Jungwoo was jogging down the Cheonggyecheon when his upbeat music was interrupted by an incoming call.

No one really ever called him, so it was alarming when it did happen. He immediately paused and pulled his phone out to check the caller ID first, only to see it was Taeil.

Taeil had called him one time, which had been when his scholarship had been cleared.

Jungwoo’s heart was in his throat. Was something wrong?

“Hello?”

_“Jungwoo? Hey, sorry to call you so late. Is this a bad time? You sound very out of breath.”_

Jungwoo swallowed and started to walk to avoid his muscles going from workout to nothing all of a sudden, “No, it’s fine, I’m out for a run that’s why.”

_“Oh. Sorry. I shouldn’t have called you without asking first. You can call me back. It’s really not that… important.”_ Without another word, the line disconnected and Jungwoo groaned. If Taeil called him, he was sure it was very important.

Without losing a second, he dialled his number again and Taeil immediately picked up.

“Hyung, now is fine, I’m nearly home anyway. I’m sure it’s urgent, don’t make my decisions for me.”

_“Right. Sorry. I didn’t mean to.”_ There was a short break and Jungwoo could picture Taeil rubbing his face or ruffling his hair, how he did when he was anxious,_ “Honestly, I need to talk. About Jihyung and the kids and…”_ Taeil sighed deeply and Jungwoo frowned to himself, _“Everything, honestly.”_

He had called Jungwoo to talk about these serious worries. Jungwoo was the one he trusted to have an idea how to handle his hardships and how to address his worries. He had become that person over the last year, especially over the last months of something developing between them. Something built up from forgotten kisses, endless conversations, occasional arguments, and shared worries.

“Do you want to do it in person?” Jungwoo didn’t like how things got lost on the phone. This was a serious issue Taeil had at his hands.

Jungwoo wanted to do the best to help him find a solution for it but he didn’t have any suggestions right off the bat, they’d have to go over everything together and come to ones.

“_If it’s no bother? Do you have a place close to you? I don’t want to make you come over the river and then sit in the cold office.”_

“Uh… my flat? My roommate is home but she’s discreet?”

“_If it’s… I mean. Yeah. Thank you. Is half seven fine with you?”_

“Works perfectly for me.” Jungwoo checked the time on his phone. It was almost six now, so he had one and a half hours to get showered and maybe check if the flat was in tip-top pristine condition.

When the line disconnected, the beat of 10 out of 10 came back to spur Jungwoo on to fall into a faster pace.

The river was busy on this warm summer evening. Jungwoo had to go out of his way to avoid running into business people taking the small detour to enjoy a piece of nature in Seoul, kids playing in the shallow water and chasing each other across the sidewalk, dripping wet, and a few couples on dates.

It was a nice place to take a date to. Jungwoo hadn’t done it before, but his dates had never been particularly romantic. Not only due to half-assed planning with the goal of having it end at a hotel sooner rather than later. It was difficult to go to the popular romantic places when it was two men. Hand-holding would result in immediate stares and whispered comments between anyone seeing, just how cute couple charms were impossible to use openly.

Two men weren’t normal, they weren’t welcome.

Just a small walk in nature should maybe be possible, though. If they didn’t hold hands, no one would know, after all.

Jungwoo could feel himself grinning a bit, imagining himself and Taeil walking down the path he was currently taking, maybe drinking bubble tea, talking about which IKEA shelf to get for his living room and whether or not a uniform would improve the appearance of his office.

He almost missed his stairs to exit the small oasis of quiet and nature to return into the busy street.

Taeil was still dressed in white, only his nametag not on his polo-shirt. He looked like he hadn’t slept all week and Jungwoo wanted to scold him but he couldn’t without feeling like a hypocrite. He had just finished his exams two weeks ago and had barely slept the entire month of May.

“Hey,” he smiled and it took away some of the tiredness making his face look older than he was. Jungwoo wanted to hug him, how he would were this Yuta or Joohyun, but he couldn’t. Because between humans, it was different, between the two of them, it was different.

It was too easy to forget his feelings were a secret if he allowed himself to indulge too much in them.

“Hey, come in,” Jungwoo was a bit nervous to have Taeil in his home, more than he had been when any of the Hybrids had come over the first time.

Much more.

He hadn’t been prepared for how personal it felt, how big a step it was in his head, because he didn’t usually invite others into his house, feeling like it was too personal. It was too risky for someone to find something here he wanted to keep hidden.

He didn’t want and he didn’t need to have secrets from Taeil – which didn’t make it any less nerve-wracking at all.

“Your place is so nice,” Taeil muttered when they entered the living room.

“I like order and so does Joohyun. We match well.”

Taeil chuckled and looked like he, too, had been a bit on edge and now slowly relaxed.

“I should have known you don’t only with binders.”

They moved past the sofa and Taeil declined his offer for water or juice.

Jungwoo closed the door to his room, just to ensure their privacy. Joohyun knew Taeil was over and Jungwoo knew she’d not be nosy and bother them just for the sake of it, but their bathroom and kitchen were out there, he couldn’t expect her to stay in her room for possibly hours.

“Just sit down wherever,” Jungwoo gestured around the sparse options of the bed and his desk chair. Taeil opted for his bed and Jungwoo didn’t feel like taking the arguably more authoritative spot of the chair and instead sat down next to Taeil, leaving just enough distance to not make it too personal.

He wished he could. Especially now, that Taeil was in his house, in his room, on his bed, it was hard to deny this was what Jungwoo wanted, was working to, one day, achieve.

Not yet. Not quite yet, he reminded himself.

“So,” Taeil rubbed his face and slumped down where he was sitting, “Thanks for feeding the kids for days. I really appreciate it.”

“It was really nice. I’d have them over whenever they want to be.”

Taeil nodded and glanced up, looking dead-tired, “honestly, Jungwoo, you have no idea of much I appreciate it, how much I rely on your support. I think I… might have been too blue-eyed. I hate admitting it because I’ve already fallen on my face so many times when it came to trusting people and believing in them, yet I end up being dumb enough to make the same mistake again and again.” Taeil swallowed and Jungwoo saw tears in his eyes.

His heart sunk and he turned to sit cross-legged to be able to face Taeil without his neck starting to ache.

“You believed in me. That’s the only reason I’m here now, you having so much faith in people. It’s not something bad, please don’t stop having it,” He softly said.

“I guess. But at the same time, it was so much easier with you! Yes, you thought all the things he does but you weren’t… I don’t know, you weren’t like him.”

“Every person is different, it’s impossible to compare them, even if it’s K U students,” Jungwoo tried to lighten the mood and Taeil nodded, a weak smile tugging on his lips.

“You’re right. It’s easy to think when people are blinded enough to believe that they’re number two in South Korea, they must all have fallen for the same nonsense.” Taeil chuckled, before turning sombre again, “I just… I knew it was easy with you and I didn’t expect it but now that it was, I kind of thought everyone would be like you only to get the polar opposite, it seems.” Taeil had also turned. Their knees were just shy of touching, but Jungwoo couldn’t even focus on it when Taeil looked at him with pleading eyes, clearly the one lost, dejected, and in need of support.

A few times before, had Jungwoo been the one he had looked to. At first, it had been odd, to consider himself a person worth listening to.

Not anymore.

Jungwoo had grown, he had a better understanding of the world and his opinions had matured. He could respond to someone opening up to him because he had opened up, too.

It wasn’t hard to find the words to explain how he felt regarding the intern and the frustration Taeil might be feeling.

“I understand that it’s difficult. I’d be a hypocrite to judge him even if it would be easy to. I can’t resent him for thinking how I did just a year ago. I, too, feel like he needs to be given this chance to realise he’s wrong and see how much better reality can be once you overcome the lies you were brought up in,” Jungwoo admitted softly.

Taeil nodded.

“I absolutely get where you’re coming from, that was the starting point. We should be past that by now, though. Even though I want to understand him and give him a chance, he also has to take it. That’s his job, neither I nor you can force him to do that. I see that your kids can’t be home for lunch and that it’s been an entire week with… no improvement. He’s not willing to change, at least not yet. The world doesn’t revolve around him, there are other people in the equation that need to be respected and cared for.”

“Yeah… Yeah, I know. The part where I’m waiting for him to have a moment of understanding and realising is why I chose to have another intern and that’s why I can’t bear to just throw him out. On the other hand, I also have the kids and I can’t abuse them to follow my own ideas. I can handle his words, I can rationalise them. They, on the other hand… I thought I’d give him the week because a week was how long it usually takes to come to terms with so much new information, I think. I don’t want to give up, but… I’m not responsible for only me, I’m also for five Hybrids who’re involved in this situation.

“But I already made the decision to invite him in! I already made that decision because I stand by what I think regarding giving people the chance to see their own mistakes and learn to overcome and grow from them. If I throw him out now, I know I won’t be able to get another intern. I won’t be able to find more people, who’re open and willing to change their mind presented with evidence. He’ll think I’m just crazy, spread that to those who already think so, and my credibility will be taunted even more. If I ever want to push for my ideas to be implemented elsewhere, that will directly affect me negatively.

“But it’s selfish. If I keep him in my home and have him walk all over Taeyong and Yuta, who knows how it’ll affect them. Don’t you think Doyoung and Jaehyun will start to resent me when I choose a random stranger over them? And Kun, he’s still not trusting me. I don’t think this is beneficial to our relationship at all.”

Jungwoo nodded slowly, considering the concerns Taeil voiced.

It was a lot. Especially since he also mentioned the reputational consequences he might suffer. Then again…

“Hyung, I’ll be very honest and I hope that’s fine with you, but I think you need to hear this: no one cares what one 4th semester student says. Neither if they try to make their professors reconsider their newly acquainted opinions of how society works nor if they’re just one more voice joining the mass of people suppressing Hybrids. I won’t make any difference – but neither will he.”

“Maybe not right now, but in the long run, it’s possible. See, your paper was rejected by the university professor but accepted by Doctor Kwon. That’s a success!”

Jungwoo shook his head because if Taeil didn’t see it himself, he’d have to make him: “No. She was your mentor, she didn’t think you were a nightmare. I didn’t have to change her mind. Perhaps, my views are more extreme than hers, maybe I’d go another mile where she might not and she credited the paper so high because she was professional and focussed on the literature review that it was, but I didn’t have to evoke that change of heart in her. I don’t have the means to do that for someone in her position.

“If you want to change general opinion, starting with one single forth semester student a year will not get you all that far. It changed my whole life, yes, but in the bigger picture of the system, it didn’t change anything. Thinking on that scale, you can put your family’s wellbeing right opposite of teaching one student.”

“So, in the end, it’s just my own pride in not wanting to be considered insane for just… trying to do the right thing.” Taeil pushed his hands through his hair, looking so torn and so upset, Jungwoo reached out and rubbed his arm soothingly. Taeil didn’t pull away.

“I know it’s hard to do this alone, but you have me? You have the kids?”

Taeil took a shuddering breath and nodded but a tear started rolling down his cheek.

“For their sake, I can’t be selfish.” He muttered. It sounded like a mantra, something he must be telling himself a lot. Jungwoo had always perceived Taeil as naturally self-less, but, of course, even a person as patient and kind as he, had their own desires and wishes for life. Right now, that conflict was glaringly obvious. Jungwoo crawled over the bed and fetched a tissue for Taeil before sitting down next to him.

Taeil accepted it and patted his face off.

“I just wished it was different. I just wished… so many things,” Taeil stared at his hands, where he was rolling the white paper into a ball.

“Me, too,” Jungwoo wished so many things he believed Taeil did as well and some that might not be on his list.

When Taeil looked up, eyes dark and so tired and sad, Jungwoo wished he could just ask him. He wished he hadn’t failed his relationships and was now scared of persuing one with the man he loved. He wished he could go down the river with Taeil, hand in hand, or through Lotte world, wearing matching headbands, without anyone being disgusted by them. He wished he could show everyone how much he loved him.

He wished he knew how to show Taeil that he loved him.

He wished it wasn’t already familiar when he leaned in and Taeil followed until their lips met, his entire skin prickling, heart racing from just the small amount of affection that was more meaningful than any relationship he had ever had before. He wished he didn’t already know Taeil would ask him to forget about it, would look like he had made a mistake a second after pulling away.

Trying to ignore, what would be, was easy when Taeil’s hand found his arm as if to hold onto Jungwoo to make sure he would stay and not leave him, his kiss growing a bit more urgent, a bit more passionate than it usually would have been.

What inevitably would be was already in the back of his head when they parted after so much longer than their kisses would have usually been, Taeil’s eyes still as dark but no longer sad and tired, a bit of colour flushing his cheeks.

“I don’t want to be selfish, Jungwoo,” Taeil whispered but he didn’t let go, he didn’t say to forget.

And Jungwoo didn’t want to.

“You can be selfish with me. I’ve been so selfish with you, if I could give you back only a fraction of it, I would do it in a heartbeat,” Taeil was so close, Jungwoo could see his lashes stuck together from the earlier tears and the tiny scar on his left cheek.

When he leaned in again, Jungwoo just held still and kissed back, hoping to convey feelings that he wasn’t sure how to show any other way.

“I just… I thought I’d realise I was just stupidly thinking… that my brain just decided to let me fall for the first person crossing my path. Someone that I shouldn’t be with… but I just don’t, I can’t write it off anymore, I can’t pretend it’s nothing anymore when it is,” Jungwoo tried to understand and make sense of what Taeil was stuttering, but his sentences were so disconnected, he couldn’t.

He just knew he couldn’t let Taeil pull away with this mess between them, with his questions brushed over but unanswered, but Taeil didn’t try. He kissed him again and Jungwoo brought a hand up to cup Taeil’s jaw, hoping to keep him here just as much as Taeil seemed to be trying by still clinging onto his wrist.

How much longer would be right to wait?

How much longer did he want to wait for a revelation of how to address this?

It wouldn’t come unless Jungwoo dared to seize a chance, would it?

Was the time right now?

Or was he blinded by the lust that came with his love?

Maybe, he was. Maybe, this was wrong.

But Jungwoo still did it.

Joohyun had been right. It was incomparable when you were in love. No matter how unsure of everything, most of all his own behaviour, Jungwoo couldn’t think about any of that when Taeil was here, was wanting him as much as Jungwoo wanted him.

He carefully opened his lips just a bit, but as if he had been waiting for it, Taeil licked into his mouth, pulling himself closer until he was in Jungwoo’s lap, both their hands holding onto the other to remind themselves they were still there.

One of them should have pulled away – but neither had.

Instead, both their hands started wandering, exploring, their breathing growing heavier as their kiss got secondary.

Jungwoo had done this so many times before, with so many different men, but it had never been this careful and gentle, yet fuelled by so much need to touch and feel and hear.

It had never been this meaningful and emotional.

He wanted Taeil – but it was more than just physical.

He was eager to find out which parts of his milky and soft skin were more sensitive and how to get the best reaction from him and his heart was tied into it, inseparably.

Because he deserved the world and then some and he was more beautiful than the most perfect flower could ever wish to be. Not a second could Jungwoo not think about that, even when Taeil touched him just as eagerly as Jungwoo touched him.

He loved Taeil how he had never loved anyone else before and, right now, he was sure he’d never love anyone this way again.

Hearing Taeil moan his name sent heat down his spine how it never had before.

Whispering his name back made his heart flutter how it never had before.

Every piece of clothing taken off felt like more of the barrier that still remained between them was worn off until there was nothing left untold.

No secret remained.

Not even that of how much he loved him.

Not even that of whether his feelings were returned.

It was told between Jungwoo kissing every part of Taeil’s body he could reach, between Taeil gasping against his lips while Jungwoo felt him around his fingers and Taeil clung to his shoulders, between their breathy moans mixing with their sloppy kisses as Jungwoo pushed into him.

Jungwoo had never thought ‘making love’ would accurately describe this, but with Taeil, it felt like it was just that.

If only he could have this forever.

If only he knew how to make this reality.

If only there weren’t so many more obstacles in their way.

But he didn’t know and there were and it felt like just loving Taeil wasn’t enough even as he kept kissing him while they came off their highs and Taeil never pulled away, just looked blissed out and like he had forgotten he was tired and sad.

Just for the moment until reality would catch up to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just fyi, there’s homophobic slurs in this chapter.

“I can’t stay,” Taeil finally whispered and Jungwoo had known he wouldn’t. The time to dream was over, reality had caught up.

“Okay,” he had known and yet it still was bitter to let Taeil slip from his grasp, not knowing if he’d ever return or if this one taste of it had been all Jungwoo would be granted, “Do you want to shower?”

“Yeah, that’d be good. Thank you.”

Jungwoo waited on the sofa while the water ran and, slowly, the moment of being clouded by lust and love passed and he realised that this fit nowhere in his own plan. It didn’t fit anywhere between the friendship he had with Taeil and the family-like bond he had with him and his Hybrids, and it was a step far past that of kissing and forgetting about it.

He had already been unable to forget about the kisses.

This?

Never. He was too deep in, far past the point of return.

They both had failed to pull back when they should have – because Jungwoo wasn’t the only one who had gotten lost in this intoxicating mixture of feelings.

He didn’t want to forget about it even if it didn’t fit. He didn’t want to regret it. It had been much too beautiful and intimate, much too unforgettable a moment to even try.

But Taeil wore his office clothes again, hair unwashed, looking as if nothing had happened.

As if he had already forgotten.

When their eyes met, Jungwoo knew he hadn't.

He knew it just didn’t fit anywhere with Taeil’s plan either.

He sat down next to Jungwoo, not touching, and the silence was thick and awkward, but he knew Taeil wouldn’t leave with questions unanswered.

Not Taeil. That’s why he loved him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Jungwoo, I don’t even…”

“Don’t. I said you could be selfish with me. I meant it. I still mean it,” Jungwoo muttered.

“But I can’t, Jungwoo, I can’t be selfish with someone I love even if I shouldn’t be doing so in the first place.”

“Why not? Because I’m a man?” Jungwoo tried to swallow down the hurt but he couldn’t.

Taeil could choose to be with a woman and love her all the same. He could get married, have three children and live a good life.

“Jungwoo, no, I… I’m not in the position to… to claim any right over you. I’m your boss and I’m much older than you and I have five kids I can barely handle and I never reply to your texts on time.”

“You’re barely four years older, that’s not much and I don’t even work for you?” Jungwoo had many worries, enough to fill a book, but he couldn’t help feel like Taeil wasn’t giving him a chance when he knew he could overcome these problems!

“It’s still a lot. While you’re still in uni and I already work, I’m naturally superior to you. Even if we don’t enforce it, it’s always in the background and I don’t feel comfortable with this power dynamic. I’d always feel like I’m the one manipulating you into something – even if it’s just subconscious, you might not even notice,” Taeil crossed his arms and Jungwoo wanted to grab and shake him.

But he couldn’t.

Of course, Taeil would remember every last detail and would respect it.

Of course, Taeil would never want to meddle with Jungwoo’s life.

He had fallen in love with Taeil for these reasons, and many more, how could he now be upset about them?

How could he claim he knew better when he didn’t?

“So… if I still love you by the time I finish my degree… you’d give me a chance?” Jungwoo softly asked, fighting his tears.

He could grow during that time, he could figure out how to be a role model how Taeil was, he could figure out how to have confidence, he could figure out how to be alone before he wouldn’t have to be anymore.

“2016?” Taeil asked, voice small and unsure, “I’m sure you would have found someone better by then, right?”

“As if there’s anyone out there who’d compare to you,” Jungwoo didn’t bother hiding his tears.

“I… I really think there is, though. And if you find him, you should pursue it, you know?”

“If I don’t, then… 2016, you’ll give me a chance?” Three and a half years. The same time it’d take for Jungwoo to finally get out of the classes full of people who thought he was a bit crazy.

Three and a half years for the man that made him rethink his entire world and every detail it offered, who let him grow more confident and strong, who would forgive him for being foolish and selfish.

Who didn’t want to be selfish even if he wished he could be.

Because he had a heart of gold.

“Yeah.”

Three and a half years.

2016.

So much time during which god knew what could happen.

Just enough time to grow into a person truly equal to Taeil in even society’s eyes.

A chance, a true chance, to love and be loved.

A chance to get forever with Taeil.

Jungwoo felt stuck in a weird place between dejected and happy on Saturday while he brushed his hair, pulled Joohyun’s dress-zipper shut for her, and boarded the metro to Samgakji to take line 4 to Gunpo.

The sun was out now and the risk of rain was still slim at this time of the year.

It was a beautiful day, good to walk on paths of memories that were full of shadows. The weather would help them both remember not to let the darkness consume them – if they couldn’t do it themselves.

“Where do you want to go? We haven’t even made a proper plan yet,” Joohyun asked once they were on the train that’d take them out of Seoul and its tunnel system, down south.

Jungwoo pulled his phone out. There were new text notifications but he ignored them in favour of opening his notes. He had thought about this, so they’d avoid the grim and dark places and could focus on those holding light and happiness.

“Well, of course, we have to go to our Mandu place. If it’s still there,” he was sure Joohyun had the same plan.

“Absolutely, not up for discussion,” she gasped and confirmed what Jungwoo had already been sure of. The Mandu place had been on the way between their high school and their cram school. It didn’t only serve excellent, homemade Mandu, the aunty running it had patched more than one cut on Jungwoo up or added extra to his order when there were bruises hard to hide blooming somewhere on his body again.

He hoped she was still there. He connected her to many good memories and thought of her very fondly.

“If you’d be fine with it, I’d like to go to the Temple. I didn’t go for Seollal in two years. I feel like I should leave an offering, now more than ever.”

“Yeah, sure, that’s a nice idea. I’ll leave something for the upcoming semester. I can’t go wrong with too much luck. I thought we could maybe also check the park. I’d like to just use the swing and feel like a child, if possible. And, of course, the Noraebang.”

Jungwoo smiled and leaned back, “Totally. I’ll feel like I’m in high school again, minus the bullying.”

“Minus the bigots, only remembering the good parts.”

Jungwoo considered if he should suggest his idea of just strolling down the street of his parents’ home. He was already there, he hadn’t been to Gunpo in over two years and he might not be back in equally as long because there wasn’t really anything to go for, other than memories that often had sad connotations.

His thoughts wandered to Taeil, to the kids, and to the flat in Gangnam.

Actually, he couldn’t even think of a reason why he’d want to go to his old street. He didn’t feel like it’d make him happier or feel more fulfilled in any way.

He had his new home and he had found love there.

So, he just deleted it from his notes, not even hesitating when he saw the letters disappear.

“Seollal, I was at the shopping centre they pulled up in place of the old city hall and it’s well worth it. There are independent stores on the second floor and they have great taste. We can even get bubble tea from the Amasvin store.”

“Don’t they have a Gong Cha?” Jungwoo wrinkled his nose.

“Amasvin is better, though,” Joohyun argued sofly, making her huge puppy eyes.

It was hard to say no to puppy eyes, even those made by humans, especially those made by his best friend. So, Jungwoo nodded.

“They both have Taro, why do you care?”

Jungwoo whined, “I just prefer Gong Cha. But Amasvin is fine, I guess.”

“Dork,” Joohyun laughed and poked his arm.

They bounced a few more ideas off each other before their plan was sort of set for the day and Jungwoo turned to the notifications for his texts.

_[from: Yuta, sent 7:53 am]_

_Hyung (_ _｡_ _♥_ _‿_ _♥_ _｡_ _)_

_Taeil-Hyung said intern #2 wouldn’t come back and when Doyoung asked who had knocked some sense into him, he said it had been you (_ _●_ _♡∀♡_ _))_ _ヾ☆_ _*_ _。_

_I mean_ _（´＿｀）_

_I hoped he’d realise things and I got why Hyung kept him around but still (_ _つ﹏_ _<_ _。_ _)_

_He was kind of terrible (_ _ノдヽ_ _)_

_[to: Yuta, sent 8:26 am]_

_Yeah, it’s very understandable you’d feel that way _

_It’s just not always so easy to make such a decision >.<_

_[from: Yuta, sent 8:27 am]_

_Yeah, I totally understand it when he explained and I’m not mad at all even though he thought we might be (_ _ⅈ▱ⅈ_ _)_

_Still, I felt like it’s good he has you, that’s why I’m grateful to you _ _♡_ _＾▽＾_ _♡_

_[from: Moon Dongyoung, sent 7:48 am]_

_I’m glad you quit smoking_

_[to: Moon Dongyoung, sent 8:28 am]_

_???_

_[from: Moon Dongyoung, sent 8:30 am] _

_So you turned out nice and stuff_

_I’m bad at this_

_Thanks for being Hyung’s friend and for the food, I guess_

_I think you’re boyfriend material, too, like Joohyun-Noona’s girlfriend said_

_I have suggestions for a boyfriend_

_[to: Moon Dongyonng, sent 8:32 am]_

_Okay, thanks, I’m flattered but I’m not looking for a relationship rn_

_[from: Moon Dongyoung, sent 8:33 am]_

_Are you sure??????????_

_Bc we totally have a great idea!!!!!!_

_Really!!!!_

_[to: Moon Dongyoung, sent 8:34 am]_

_Uh, Taeyong, is that you?_

_[from: Moon Dongyoung, sent 8:35 am] _

_I don’t write messages without regard for punctuation or grammar like a barbarian_

_It’s cuteeeeeeee!!!! _

Jungwoo chuckled to himself, while the texts descended into chaos and eventually a group chat was made with everyone. Doyoung tried to leave twice, only to immediately be re-added.

He was a little concerned whom they had in mind he become the boyfriend to, but it got drowned out in retellings of how Taeil had worn his tag upside down and everyone had worried but then he had explained and they had been very happy and relieved. Even Kun sent an emoticon, which was a lot for him.

“You’ve been smiling all morning. Is it, perhaps, not only because you’ll get to see your hometown again?” Joohyun asked and nudged Jungwoo’s arm. He turned the screen off.

If even Doyoung approved of him… Jungwoo’s grin grew wider.

“Maybe not.”

“I don’t want to be too nosy, but,” she glanced around and lowered her voice even more, just loud enough for him to hear over the clattering of the train tracks, “We do share the flat, so… is it time to plan a big introduction dinner where Jennie and I can pretend one of us is dating one of you each?”

Jungwoo giggled a little at the idea of either of them pretending to date a man, however, it wasn’t – not yet.

“You know how I said I wasn’t sure because there were kind of mixed signs? We finally cleared it all up, uh, after, you know. So, it’s not time yet, but it will be, once I’m done with uni,” Jungwoo felt giddy admitting it. He wished it was sooner but he knew he could wait and use the time well, to become much better boyfriend material.

Joohyun counted years in her head for a second, then, her eyes widened. “In three and a half years? You’ll wait three and a half years for him?” she whispered in disbelief.

“I will. I mean, he’s not going anywhere, I’ll be seeing him all the time and I can use the time to grow and maybe find out how relationships even work since I’m still not sure.”

Joohyun nodded slowly, “Okay. Okay, wow, that’s… but if you fall out of love? Just if? Or he?”

Jungwoo shrugged, “He didn’t say he’d wait and he said I shouldn’t.”

“Sweetie, Jungwoo, you know I love you, so please, please don’t get hurt, okay? Three and a half years is an awfully long time.”

It wasn’t.

Right?

Jungwoo didn’t think it would be long when he worked for Chuseok and forgot to stalk his sister’s profile picture with her boyfriend because he found himself actually not caring anymore.

It wasn’t.

Jungwoo didn’t think it would be long when Yuta handed him an invitation to his celebration of finishing his last therapy session.

It wasn’t.

Jungwoo didn’t think it would be long when he celebrated his first Christmas and ended up kissing Taeil under the mistletoe upon Taeyong insisting because it’d probably be bad luck if he didn’t.

It wasn’t.

Jungwoo didn’t think it would be when Taeil started to add regular two extra hours in the evening to research and write a paper he wanted to submit for publication of an international Hybrid journal with a progressive approach, in hopes of making an impact on general opinion.

It wasn’t.

Jungwoo didn’t think it would be long when they celebrated Kun’s first birthday with Taeil and, late into the evening, Taeil admitted that it had been the first time Kun had let him properly pet him and had purred for him, tears running down his cheeks that Jungwoo dried while feeling like crying himself – happy tears.

It wasn’t.

Jungwoo didn’t think it would be when he asked Yuta to speak Japanese to him, so he could practice for applying for his residency in Nagoya.

Hopefully, it wouldn’t be because if it would, then it would mean he’d be in Japan for a long time, too.

All alone.

In a foreign country.

But to chase the dream he knew he wanted to pursue.

If it were, then Jungwoo wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore because the thought scared him so much.

But it wasn’t long.

And the sleepless nights were just irregular and in-between.

If he just remembered it wasn’t long.

Just as he was fully enveloped in his new happiness and home, feeling like he was exactly where he wanted to be, working towards becoming even happier, it was interrupted by a person that Jungwoo had not even thought of.

Because he had said there wouldn’t be a reason to consider him anymore.

January was almost as unpleasant as last year and Jungwoo was bundled up and focussed on hurrying to get down the street and to the Metro station as quickly as possible, so he didn’t immediately notice the person waiting in front of the building for him.

He closed the door securely to avoid any of the rain getting inside. It hadn’t been too busy, as expected on Friday, and the weather must have made it even less so because going to any injury-prone outside places would be reduced to an absolute minimum.

He still hadn’t seen a lot of his ‘boss’. Taeil was busy with his paper on the possible cost reduction by giving lower doses of insulin so at least a base level of treatment could be ensured even for stingy owners. It included a part of his doctoral thesis, updated with new information on possible diet changes he had observed and studied working with patients.

It was interesting but it took a lot of time and work that he had to do on his own.

Jungwoo had had Jaehyun and Yuta to help him declutter three years worth of gossip magazines from the waiting room and thoroughly tested the new pillows in the children’s area by accidentally getting involved in a play-fight with them.

In the end, Jungwoo had hailed a metaphorical white flag because, especially Jaehyun, got a bit too competitive for his lanky self.

Right after it had happened, he had fully expected it would be weird to face Taeil after sleeping with him. After all, Jungwoo had been convinced that’d be the point on which their friendship would break.

It had, at first.

It had been hard to not remember how smooth his body was or how his voice could hitch.

Even Taeil, who was usually able to keep a professional mindset, had been awkward and looked like he remembered something the second he looked at Jungwoo.

But they had both made an effort to not let it ruin anything.

Within a couple of weeks, everything had naturally returned to how it always had been.

Almost. Because Jungwoo made sure to always pull away when he realised he had forgotten to keep the distance for a second.

He didn’t like it. Each time he did, he grew more annoyed he had to.

But it was Taeil’s wish, so, he’d respect it.

Saying he didn’t miss their kisses would be a lie, but he could endure it.

It wasn’t awkward anymore. On the contrary. It felt like because they no longer had any blurred lines, they exactly knew what was too far – and what wasn’t.

There was not a trace of a façade left between them.

Before, it had just been Taeil having faith in him. Now, it had become Taeil knowing when he’d have to remind Jungwoo of his strengths and when to support him in his weaknesses. Just how Taeil knew that about him, Jungwoo knew about Taeil, would cut in before he’d have talked himself into a frenzy internally or would give him the extra-push he deserved to beam brighter than the sun.

Jungwoo didn’t think about what answer would let him blend in the most, he didn’t grow scared when someone disagreed, and he didn’t wince the second he heard the word ‘gay’.

Just being himself was enough to deserve love – even if he had to wait for pursuing the romantic kind, he already had the platonic type.

He found himself understanding Taeil more and more often like they had become more in-synch with each other, to the point that just a look was enough to know what he thought in some situations.

Being and feeling so close to him made it impossible to ever think of someone else when Jungwoo let himself relax in the evening, always the same scene replaying behind his closed lids no matter how many times he had used it.

It let him think of Taeil when there was a special couple offer, that wasn’t made for two men but could be taken up without making it immediately suspicious.

If someone looked closer and concluded something… well, Jungwoo would be able to handle that.

It was who he was.

Without having to apologise.

“Jungwoo.”

It was like the cold icy January air hit his skin directly, no barrier to keep him warm, a shiver running down his spine in all the worst ways thinkable.

_He knew this voice._

It was one of the first he had heard in his life, promising safety and love, yet, it now caused him to freeze in fear where he still had the doorknob in hand.

He wanted to type the combination in and flee inside, never leave and never face him. Yet, there was a small Jungwoo inside him, that wanted to run towards him, wanted to beg for forgiveness to be allowed back.

No.

Not anymore.

He didn’t want to go back.

He had nothing to apologise for.

If anything, _he_ had to apologise.

Jungwoo turned, head held higher than he ever had when he had still lived in his household.

“Mr Kim.”

His father looked how he remembered him, how he had once hoped to see him again – only his hopes hadn't included the cold and condescending expression on his face. He stepped away from the expensive car and crossed over to stand under the roof of the house Heaven was located in, keeping him safe from the rain so he could close his umbrella. He was shorter than Jungwoo remembered him – or rather, he was taller now, grown mentally and physically.

“It’s the holidays.”

“I’m aware, I own a calendar and I can read it.” The small Jungwoo screamed for him to stop making it worse, to stay silent and hope for an offer.

He ignored him.

He was not going to apologise for his preference, for being gay.

He didn’t need to go back to a home where love had never been unconditional.

He didn’t have to cater to this man if he didn’t want to.

“Watch your tongue, young man,” his father’s voice was deep, deeper than Jungwoo could pitch his, the warning clear in it.

Once more, Jungwoo ignored it.

He wasn’t going to apologise, not anymore.

“Or what? Do you think you have any power to abuse over me? After chasing me out of the house and throwing the bare necessities after me? I’m not your son anymore, you don’t get to tell me anything.”

His cold face slowly turned angry and Jungwoo bit his tongue.

He wasn’t sorry.

He would have been, he would have been intimidated into feeling like nothing but dust on the floor.

Not now, not here, standing in front of his found home, where support and love were unconditional. He could stand with pride and confidence.

“I’m the person who raised you, you better show some respect. I’ve come to look if you’ve been doing well. Your grandmother has been asking for you. I thought I’d give you another chance, a chance to realise you’re wrong, you’re misled by the media and by your own foolishness.”

He was pretending to give Jungwoo a chance.

Another chance to bow to him, to bend over backwards to fit a mould, regardless of his own wellbeing.

It was low to mention his grandmother.

He had always had a special bond with her as a child and his father knew that.

Jungwoo missed her. He could understand that she’d think it was wrong the most out of everyone because she was old.

But he still couldn’t meet her demands, he never would, and he wouldn’t apologise for being unable to, even if she was old.

He was disgusted by the offer.

“I don’t want another chance to deny and suppress myself. I want a chance to explain myself and I want you to open your eyes and mind and understand me,” Jungwoo didn’t even dare hope to get that, but he still decided to say what he felt and have more faith in his father than he should have.

How Taeil had in people.

“There’s nothing to explain. You’re led by… some dirty ideas of what could be. But you’re wrong.”

Of course, he wouldn’t.

Of course, there wasn’t going to be a magical happy ending where Jungwoo would celebrate with his family and everything be how it had always been when he had been little.

He wasn’t little anymore, this wasn’t some fairy tale, and Jungwoo had come to terms with that.

“Why are you even here? Do you seriously think catching me out here would sway me? Do you think I’ve not used the last three years to rebuild the life you tried to ruin for me?”

For a second, he saw remorse in his father’s face.

Just as quickly as it had come, it was gone again.

“Frankly, I don’t care what you do. It’s disgusting and unforgivable if you let men use you like a woman and get on your knees like a bitch. I don’t want a faggot in my family, I don’t want to share the table with a pervert that brings shame on the family by his abnormal and repulsive actions, I don’t even want to look at you.”

The words hurt.

The tone he used hurt even more.

He actually believed all of this, he did think of Jungwoo as the lowest of the low, nothing more than a rabid dog.

His own father, who should be the one to always protect him.

Someone who couldn’t even respect his own wife and used her, as a woman, to degrade another would never truly understand love and all its different shapes.

Still.

It felt like Jungwoo was a teenager again and his father did have all this power over him, like he hadn’t re-built his life, and hadn’t found a new family, confidence, and love.

Even if he didn’t want him to be able to do so, he still managed to make it all crumble and feel like it had been built from paper when he knew it hadn’t.

The betrayal of his father being the one in the position of abuse was stronger than reason.

With shaky hands, Jungwoo pulled his phone from his pocket and turned to the door, quickly typing a message. He’d go back up and hide. His father would have to leave at some point. Then, Jungwoo could consider still heading back to Anam and the empty flat or just borrowing clothes from Jaehyun and Doyoung and staying.

But he didn’t get past the first digit because his arm was grabbed and he was yanked back around.

“I will not tolerate this disrespect, Jungwoo.”

Jungwoo stared at his father in surprise, unable to find words. He heard his phone shatter on the ground but he was so overwhelmed, he didn’t care.

“W-what is your problem? You don’t want to see me, why are you even here?” was it just to take out his anger at him? To insult him, ruin him, see his misery and get some sick satisfaction out of it?

His father pulled away and cleaned his hand on his trousers as if Jungwoo was dirty. To him, he was. Just because he loved men. Something he couldn’t influence because love was not up for anyone to control.

How could someone without love in their heart understand that, though?

“As I said, your grandmother has been asking for you. She’s old, she’s been sickly the last year. Just stop acting on these disgusting homosexual urges and decide to finally date a woman, how a man is supposed to. Stop with this sissy voice, talk like a man, act like a man, and not like some pillow-biter.”

Because being feminine was disgraceful to his father, made him worthless. Being on the receiving end of a sexual act would be enough to diminish his worth as a human.

How sad.

How pitiful.

Why did it still hurt so much then?

“It’s my voice. It’s normally like that and it’s always been. I told you, I don’t want another chance. I can’t change and I can’t decide to date women, it’s not a decision,” Jungwoo wanted to sound harsh, he didn’t want his father to see how hurt he was, how much these words affected him when they shouldn’t and he wasn’t supposed to have this power he did. But his voice was shaky and small, sounding every bit the wimp his father believed him to be.

“Everything in life is a decision. I’ve made this decision to give you another chance, yet no growth at all, just as misled and dumb as were three years ago.”

“Then just leave me alone,” Jungwoo whispered but he couldn’t even move to leave the scene himself, frozen in fear in front of his father who despised him.

It was only broken when he suddenly felt a hand on his back and jerked away, turning to see it was Taeil in the door, catching his breath like he had run three stories. The three stories Heaven was up from the ground they were currently on.

His text had sent before his phone had found its end on the pavement.

He would have started crying, but he couldn’t even think. Before he could catch up to the situation and react, his father grabbed him again and pulled him away from the door.

“This is a joke, Jungwoo. I will set an end to this sodomy. On the open street, it’s disgraceful, disgusting.”

Jungwoo stumbled his direction, so surprised by how much strength he used, he had trouble even catching himself.

He had known his father could lash out, could become aggressive.

He had been towards him before.

But on an open street, as he had just said, even if it was a quiet one in Cheongdam?

He had been right to never end up seeking them out, be it by chance or because he had known it would be like this in the back of his head even before he had found peace.

Peace, that was now broken, cruelly.

Just because he couldn’t accept he would never be with a woman. Just because he didn’t want to understand.

It wasn’t up for him to decide anything in his life anymore. Jungwoo wasn’t his property. Strengthened by that, he managed to straighten up and ripped free from his grasp.

“Just leave me alone. I did nothing and I will do nothing to associate with you so just let me live my life,” Jungwoo stumbled backwards, but his father seemed lost in his anger and closed in again.

Before he could grab him, Jungwoo was shielded off, two people stepping in front of him, none of their usual sweetness but just raw anger rolling off them. Growls ripped through the quiet street and Jungwoo found himself pulled into the house’s entrance hall, following blindly.

It was warmer inside, but he was shaking as if he was a leaf in the storm, eyes never leaving where his father was, glaring back in fury.

But he didn’t dare come closer to the two angry Hybrids that promised more anger and more damage than just one angry middle-aged man.

They kept him safe.

The door fell shut and he disappeared from sight, blocked outside, shut out of the house and of Jungwoo’s life.

He tried to take a deep breath but he realised he was hyperventilating and didn’t quite manage to get through to his own head.

He still felt the ghost of his father's hands on his body, holding tightly in plans of hurting him.

He heard his words echo, so hateful, spoken by the person he had once thought would love him all his life.

He had already bid that idea goodbye, but it was like the cold wind, his father was, had blown out the candles and let darkness return. It hurt. It hurt worse than any slur read and spoken his direction by other people ever could.

Taeil started rubbing his back. It was hard to feel it through his thick winter jacket but Jungwoo managed to take a slow, deep, and shaky breath before he would blackout from his small gasps.

Jaehyun and Yuta turned around, eyes wide, and Jungwoo found himself in a hug just a second later.

He felt tears sting in his eyes – tears from the pain his father had inflicted on him mixing with those of happiness and relief. He held onto Jaehyun tightly, to remind himself he was actually here, he had just stood up for him and had protected him even though it must have been scary.

“Thank you,” he whispered, voice as shaky as he would have expected it to be with his entire body still trembling. Slowly, fear broke, the coldness over his skin was replaced by warmth from the hug and the love he knew he was deserving of and got here, at his home, from this family.

The January wind blew outside and was blocked off with the walls of the new life Jungwoo had built for himself with the help of this family he had found – and that didn’t just crumble. It had just felt like it would. But that was wrong. This love was actually built on a foundation of understanding and respect, not hollow ideals full of egoism.

“I wanna hug, too, come one, Jaehyun,” Yuta complained and Jungwoo found himself passed on and chuckled but it came out a little pathetic because he was still choked up with tears.

When Yuta let go, Taeil’s hand was on his back again immediately. Jungwoo was grateful to know he was there for him even if Taeil didn’t hug him.

He knew the boundary. He knew Taeil didn’t want to be selfish.

So, he didn’t want to be selfish either.

“Who was that?” Jaehyun asked, looking so strong and so confident, not at all shy and intimidated when he would have every right to, Jungwoo was proud of him through his own turmoil of emotions.

“He does not get to treat you like that! Not on our watch!” Yuta huffed and Jungwoo was so grateful for these two kids and how strong they were. He knew they were because they had a loving home, the same loving home he had.

A home where their loyalty and protectiveness wouldn’t be abused but they could decide to use it to stand up for the people they deemed worthy.

And Jungwoo was worthy.

“That’s… my father who wishes not to be referred to as such.” he managed to piece together, voice still shaky.

“As I thought…” Yuta muttered.

“…trash,” Jaehyun ended and the two nudged their shoulders against each other, even Jungwoo having to smile a little. There were no apologies he wouldn’t know what to do with, there were no comments he wouldn’t need.

He was trash.

Period.

“Do you want to check if he left?” Taeil softly asked and Jungwoo nodded, but suddenly just the idea of even laying eyes on him again was already too much to handle.

He wanted to forget about him, make true of his words and never associate with him again. He could relight the candles. They had just been blown out, not destroyed.

He might have more power than Jungwoo wanted him to, but it wasn’t to that degree. He just needed a moment to spread the flame of love and hope again, a moment to heal.

“I’ll do it!” Jaehyun rushed over to the door to use the small peephole to look outside.

Jungwoo wanted to check if there were any messages sent to him, a warning of sorts, if he had somehow acquired his number, but when he wanted to grab his phone, he realised it wasn’t there.

Right. It was outside, probably broken, on the street.

“Uh, he’s still there and pacing up and down? He looks… uh, maybe like going outside wouldn’t be that good an idea.”

Jungwoo shuddered.

He had never much seen this side of his father as a child but he knew it had always been there, he had seen glimpses of it, of how he became irrational and cruel when rubbed the wrong way.

That it would turn into anger this uncontrollable and violent, he hadn’t quite expected.

“Jungwoo, I’ll call the police. This isn’t safe for anyone, that’s not normal behaviour, I’m sorry.”

Jungwoo nodded. His father was very focussed on outward appearances, the police, if nothing else, would stop him.

“Please.”

Taeyong made him lemon balm tea, and they all kept track of the happenings outdoor until the road was clear.

Despite six people asking him to stay, Jungwoo, once more, stepped into the even uglier January weather with two of them in the door – just to make sure, just so they could protect him if need be. Because he was worthy of that.

He picked up the leftovers of his phone. The screen turned on but the colours were blurred and only the upper half responded to touch.

He hugged Jaehyun and Yuta goodbye one last time and assured them to let them know once he was home – after buying a new phone.

He kept checking left and right, feeling like there was someone watching him, following him, as he hurried out of the more domestic neighbourhood toward here the shopping centres never closed, not even for New Year.

He didn’t want to let him have power over him. It didn’t mean he wasn’t scared, but he wasn’t giving in to his fears.

Not anymore!

The next morning, the sun was shining and Jungwoo tried hard to not think of last night anymore.

Even in the broad daylight and with a few people strolling around, giving him security that he wasn’t wholly alone, he kept looking up and down the street, expecting his car to show up, for him to stop out and name-call him, grab him, drag him away.

But Jungwoo still marched down the street with his head held high.

Each time the door opened, he startled in his chair, expecting it to be him.

But Jungwoo still smiled brilliantly at the patients entering in search of help.

He wasn’t on the street when Jungwoo looked down on it, out the window, to make sure it was safe.

So, he returned the same way he had come – with confidence in his step.

He was disgusted by Jungwoo as much as Jungwoo was scared of him.

But Jungwoo wasn’t letting his fear win while he allowed his obtuseness to blind him.

He was just a random man, he wasn’t his father anymore.

His father, to Jungwoo, was dead.

And a dead man would at best haunt him.

Jungwoo no longer felt the need to look for ghosts the next morning, just walking down the street while reading the wonky Google translation of the newsletter from the Canadian Hybrid doctor association and not paying his surroundings much attention anymore.

He didn’t startle when the door opened and distracted him from Solitaire or watching Jaehyun clean Mine Sweeper.

He was a strong person – and had grown on another challenge.

“Jungwoo, could you read over this and tell me where I went wrong? Something’s not adding up.” Taeil rubbed his eyes when Jungwoo came to the back after locking the front door and turning everything off for the free day tomorrow.

He wouldn’t have to face the cold outside today. He had been invited to stay over, how he had last year. Though, this time, he had his own clothes with him.

Jungwoo leaned past Taeil and let his eyes fly over the sentence he was struggling with, went up further and read over the whole thing again.

“You switched from passive voice to active, that’s what’s weird.” He announced.

Taeil groaned and marked the whole sentence red, before saving the document and turning the computer off. Jaehyun poked his head into the room.

“I’ll go upstairs already, I cleaned up everything,” he chirped and disappeared, leaving Taeil and Jungwoo alone on the lower floor.

“Today is one of those days I wanted to delete the entire thing and just give up. Everything sounds terrible and like a child wrote it,” Taeil leaned back and ruffled his hair.

Jungwoo’s eyes caught on his neck for a second too long, remembering just a bit too much for a moment.

“I get that, there’s always these phases when quitting seems more promising. Maybe it’s good timing that you have the day off tomorrow?”

Taeil hummed, “Maybe. I want to spend it on the sofa watching this Olympic Idols thing, too, even though I don’t even care that much about idol groups.”

Jungwoo understood all too well not wanting to see his family. Never quite as much as now.

In a way, it was helpful. He had already no longer grieved what he had lost for a while but now it was like he could truly cut himself off without remorse.

Joohyun had given him a call, on Friday evening, and said she was sorry, even if she had never understood how he had not long lost hope for a happy ending even before this incident. She had said Jungwoo had too much of a heart of gold underneath, that had already shown before he had allowed it to, and then had had to listen to him sobbing and blubbering for 40 minutes, asking her to repeat that and if she meant that.

He wasn’t going to accredit himself with one but hearing it from her…

It had meant a lot.

“It’s just one day and you can still join the TV-party in the evening?” Jungwoo softly suggested.

“Mm.” he swirled in his chair, twisting back and forth, “I’m honestly glad you don’t have to leave today. I was anxious to read if you had made it back safely for the last two days. Imagine if he found out where you live and tried again?” Taeil turned towards him, eyes full of unconcealed worry and concern.

More worry than Jungwoo had for himself.

Just how Jungwoo would worry more when Taeil slept too little and worked too much. Because he loved him.

“I don’t think he’ll come again. He made it very clear what he thinks of me and he’s never been one to seek fights. No idea what caused him to try, in the first place. It’s not typical for him. Maybe, he truly had expected I… changed? And he wanted that Jungwoo, he had hoped to raise, back if he was still out there. That perfect son to parade around. But he doesn’t want me so there’s no reason to return. He said my grandmother isn’t doing well but… she was the one who sent me a letter saying I may come back once I’m engaged to a woman. Not just dating, engaged. Before that, she wouldn’t want to see me.”

It was sad to imagine he wouldn’t see her again and just find out she had passed away one day.

On the other hand, it meant his memory of her would stay untainted, that of a smiling woman who had loved him.

“She might not remember. With age, you know there are many illnesses that take the memory away and leave a changed person for a short time before they pass,” Taeil softly suggested and Jungwoo nodded.

He had thought the same thing, too.

It might be wrong, but it didn’t change that he wouldn’t return to a place that wasn’t ready to accept him and probably never would be.

“It’s weird but… even if this would be her last New Year, after years of me missing her, missing all of them so much, I suddenly don’t want to see her anymore. I know they don’t want me. I knew that before but I still missed them, now, it’s like someone just took that longing away. I know it used to be there but I can’t find it anymore. It’s odd.”

Taeil sat down on the patient bed next to him, closing the small distance that had been between it and the chair.

“I think it’s like suffering a loss. At least that’s how it was for me. One day, I just woke up and no longer had this hole in my chest. I knew it used to be there, but it was gone. It was weird, at first. I thought I was betraying my father because I had gotten to terms with his death. I felt guilty and tried to seek out my sadness but it was just gone, healed. It took me a few months to change my mind and come to the realisation that I had gained so much by now being able to remember him fondly and without pain.”

Jungwoo swallowed. Taeil had never spoken of his father. He had seen the family pictures with a younger Taeil in them, between two parents looking important and elegant. He knew Taeil went to celebrate his death’s day in April, not taking anyone but Doyoung with him, but other than that, it was still a mystery to him.

“Is… Is it wrong to think of them like that?”

Taeil considered it for a second, then shook his head, “They left your life, how a person passing away would. If you want to keep the memories of who they used to be, you essentially remember people who aren’t there anymore. It might be weird to say out loud but I don’t think it’s wrong if it helps you.”

Jungwoo thought his words over, but they fit. It might have been his father declaring him no longer part of the family and his grandmother putting up the condition, but if there still had been a place to return to for him, his mother, his older, his younger sister, his aunt, his uncle… they all could have come and let him know.

They hadn’t. They all had silently agreed with his father and grandma and had bid their goodbyes from his life.

Jungwoo didn’t owe them trying harder than they had when he had been the one kicked from the house and the family for no reason other than being gay.

Hearing Taeil open up about a matter previously undisclosed let Jungwoo stray from his own past to the one he didn’t know much of yet.

“Could you… could you tell me about your father?” Jungwoo softly asked, scared to overstep but hoping to learn more about Taeil, the last parts that he had only seen glimpses of so far.

Taeil scooted back, to sit more comfortably on the bed.

“Yeah. Sure. Like I said, I can now remember him fondly instead of breaking into tears and… I guess I’d be curious to learn about your past as well so… would you tell me?”

Jungwoo thought back to his childhood, “there’s not much happiness to share, but yes, I will.” Because he wanted Taeil to get to know him better, too, he wanted to be an open book, with fault and weakness, to be on eye-level with the man he loved.

So he could love every part of him and do the same in turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. The holidays are over and I will return to a scheduled posting cycle. I’ve also completed this fic but I refuse to edit it bc I don’t like the ending and don’t know how to make it better lol
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> New chapters will be up every 4 days ^^
> 
> Also. Since I write British English and I lean towards using British words, too, bc that’s what I was taught in school, but I definitely mix it up bc American culture is very omnipresent, I’d like to point out that I am referring to a public school in here, which would be a private school in AE ~

“My father had always wanted a son. My parents made no secret of how disappointed he, and by extension my mother because she always shared his mindset, had been when their first-born had been a girl. It had been a mistake on the doctor’s side, who had identified her as male in the ultrasound pictures. It happens and, normally, people don’t really care or at least forget about it after two minutes with their child.

“Not them. They didn’t even pick a name for her for the first week because of their disappointment. Looking back, my dad was kind of an asshole to tell my sisters this story so many times, especially my older.

“I guess I’m starting to see that he not only might be kind of an asshole, he really is one. A product of conservative upbringing and surroundings topped off with narrowmindedness that will never let him reconsider any of his views and opinions because they are so deep-rooted.

“I’m kind of getting ahead of myself, let me go back.

“My mother is a hotelier and worked at the reception desk of the hotel my paternal grandfather owned, so that was where he met her. She was 19 and he was 21. When he finished his studies and started working, he asked her out. I’m not sure they weren’t seeing each other before that but not officially because he was a student living off his parents, so, it wasn’t proper for him to take out a woman when he couldn’t pay for her livelihood – he always told me how important it was for a man to have a good job, money, security, to be able to provide for his family. Because a wife shouldn’t work, just be home and have her life revolve around her husband and children like my mother did.

“My younger sibling also became a girl, much to my father’s disappointment, but at least he had me. He could take me to the stadium on the weekends to watch baseball matches, regardless of whether I liked them or not, he could chase me around the park to play football, he could sneer at me and tell me I shouldn’t cry. He had me to model after the man he thought himself to be, the perfect patriarch. I had to be manly, rough, tough, kind to women without actually respecting them. Some of it still sticks more than others, some of it conflicted so much with my nature he had to repeat it over and over and over so I’d change my ways. Overcoming that is still hard.

“I preferred playing with my sisters, with their dolls or with my plushies when they didn’t lend me one. I also used my toy cars, so they could go places. It was always peaceful, we usually had a perfect family – just without a father because there were no male dolls and no one wanted to play the boy, including me. I didn’t like the ‘boy-stuff’, I only did it when I had to.

“It wasn’t a problem when I was still in kindergarten or maybe I don’t remember it to be anymore. But my mum would let me play with my sisters for hours and not say anything to be wrong about it. My father would often tease me and say I should man up but I was just a child and didn’t quite understand that yet. None of the other kids saw fault with it because they, too, didn’t quite understand it yet.

“It changed when I started school. Suddenly, the boys wrangled in the break and chased each other down the hallways until they were gasping for air, just for fun. It didn’t seem like fun to me, I wanted no part in it. At first, I played with the girls, how I had in kindergarten. Then, my teacher forbade it because, as a boy, I should play with other boys or I would turn out to be a weirdo. I didn’t want to become a weirdo but I also didn’t want to play with the boys and that was mutual, so, I was alone instead.

“It sucked because, in primary school, you still have lots of breaks to play and be a child, but all of those were spent alone for me. I sat on the sidelines and drew the stories the girls played, that I was no longer part of – and didn’t want to be because I was worried to turn out a weirdo. I didn’t even know what a weirdo might be but I was scared by the thought of it because it seemed like a bad thing.

“It wasn’t just school where I slowly became a loner. At home, I wasn’t allowed to play with my sisters anymore because it wasn’t something a young man should be having fun with, my mother said, it was only for girls. I liked what they did but I didn’t want to be a girl and I adored my mum. She was always right, she had to be in this case, so, I complied and let my plushies sit on my bed instead, only secretly letting them come to life in the evening, when no one would know and I could let my teddy and bunny live a happy family life with the mouse as their child.

“They probably still knew. I was a child, I was naïve and hardly knew how to keep a secret, including my own. My father collected all my plushies off my bed before my eighth birthday because I was a boy and would be a man, so, I wouldn’t need them.

“It felt like he threw my friends, actual living beings, into the rubbish bins outside our house.

“When I cried he let me sit on the sofa for two hours, no one coming to console me, so I’d toughen up. Once I had calmed down, if only because I was sick from all the tears and none left, he asked me if I wasn’t embarrassed for being such a wimp. I said I was, I actually was because I knew a boy had to be tough and I wasn’t even if I wanted to be. I wanted my father’s approval but I was just a child, behaving irrationally and immaturely, unable to build up any sort of façade to keep myself safe yet.

“I was still stuck on the idea that my parents were the most amazing people in the universe because how could I know they had fault when I was just a child?

“It wasn’t like they were only cruel, though it seems to be what I now remember more than the times we were in happy harmony. It used to be the other way around but the more I experience unconditional love, the harder it is to find happiness in something connected to having to fit in or be punished. The more I can find pride in who I am and what I like, the harder it is to see comfort in having to be someone else. The more I break away, the tighter their conditions look. The more I learn about different ways, the harder it is to understand how you’d stay stuck on just one way of living when people are so different and unique.

“But I didn’t know any of that growing up, I didn’t even expect it to be anywhere, out there in the world. Slowly, I started to drop the habit of drawing bunnies and castles with princes because my teachers would always ask me to draw something the boys liked and I already didn’t dare to show them to my parents anymore because I knew they’d say it was wrong. So, I just did nothing instead. I tried reading but it was hard to find books I liked. As an almost-teenager, most books would have sweet romantic leads – but those didn’t interest me because the love interest was never another boy.

“I was confused at first, as to why I’d be different. I thought something was wrong so I didn’t tell anyone. But I also didn’t hide it well enough and by the time I realised I’d have to, it had already been too late. Once we were old enough to develop our first crushes and we learnt that there was only one way to correctly love, it had already transpired that I wasn’t like that. I was wrong, abnormal, and they’d let me know just how much.

“In primary school, the other boys started teasing me about it, but it wasn’t that serious yet. No one had been all too interested in me in the first place, so it was easy for me to disappear into oblivion. Cars and superheroes were still more important than girls and love. Those were all still new ideas, so the belief that there would be a wrong type of it hadn’t yet settled into young heads to the point of making it a reason to pay me much mind.

“As we grew into teens that were hit by puberty, it changed. Cars became a means to show whose parents had the most money to blow on such a luxury and the least regard for others to push past the speed limit. Superheroes became too lame to talk about because Marvel hadn’t made being a geek cool yet. Girls and all the things you could do with them suddenly became a constant desire, the topic of every conversation away from adults’ ears.

“It wasn’t only that my love wasn’t the right kind making me stick out and someone easy to pick on. It wasn’t only that I was too feminine for their liking, making me look weaker in their eyes because they’d never take one of the girls, they desired so much, seriously. It was so terrifying for them to have someone in the same position of power in our patriarchic society, who’d possibly see them how they saw the girls – as objects, below them –, they had to ensure I’d never once get the idea that I’d possibly have this power over them by ensuring I was even more scared of them.

“They started to think of more and more insulting names to call me, they took my lunch, they dunked my gym clothes into the toilet, and they knocked me into the lockers after school.

“I told my mum.

“I said they called me a girl, they called me gay, and they hurt me. I said I didn’t want to go to school anymore. She said I should suck it up because I was a boy and if they called me a girl and hit me, I should hit back. If they called me gay and took my belongings, I should stop with the whispering and endless hair-brushing and yell back and show them I wasn’t a sissy.

“I was asking for this by behaving how I did.

“I couldn’t. I’ve always hated confrontation, I’ve always hated raising my voice, but one against twenty? Of course, I never fought back – they had me blind to all these realisations I only made now, years later, believing I was the problem, I was the abomination, the one deserving this by being how I was. I hid my bruises and cuts and cried after school so my eyes would be back to normal before I would be home after afterschool cram school.

“I was alone, for years and years, and it slowly broke me down because… I hate being alone, I always have, but the more I was, the more scared of it I got. I still am. I thought I deserved that, back then. Because I was broken, I was not normal, and my parents wouldn’t love me.

“No one would.

“In 8th grade, I met Joohyun, or rather, she found me. It didn’t stop the bullying, neither hers nor mine, but at least we both weren’t alone anymore. I had someone to tell about the boy groups I admired and she had someone to gush over actresses she found beautiful with, in the secrecy of the basement school hallway. We were like open books with each other when it came to our preferences, our fears, our worries, everything. I knew that it was what hurt me, but I hadn't yet concluded I had to shut the world out and change my entire self, how I’d do later.

“We were just two kids, finally finding someone who didn’t fit the rules either. Through making up for years of loneliness because I was too soft and she was too rough we became closer than I had ever been with my sisters in just a few weeks. I was still able to trust her and talk to her, not hide behind a façade to the point of forgetting it even was one.

“I hadn’t yet reached my breaking point.

“When I was in my last year of high school and preparing for college entrance exams, I met my first boyfriend. I thought it was fate or something equally romantic, but it hadn’t been. I don’t have proof, but I’m sure he’s notorious for finding young boys like me, insecure, inexperienced, and alone. Perfectly mouldable boyfriends that wouldn’t even realise that was what was happening. It was summer and I had a bit of breathing time between cram school. He was in college and on break, visiting home.

“In a way, he said exactly what I needed to hear. It was just his motives that were the issue. He reminded me I shouldn’t listen to those who said I was a shame, that I wasn’t broken, but he strengthened my fear of anyone finding out because no one else but him would accept it. He called me pretty and kind but without letting me actually believe I was.

“I was convinced he loved me but I didn’t even know what love was.

“I didn’t see that he manipulated me and didn’t empower me but just broke me down to grow dependant on him by constantly reminding me of how cruel everyone but he was, how there would be no one out there but he and how I should always listen to him. I was too young to notice. I thought it was love, I thought it was normal because I hadn’t even read any books on relationships, all I knew about them was that the man should be strong and work hard to provide for his family and the woman stay home and care for the kids.

“I knew I couldn’t be that, but I didn’t know what else I could be and he used me because I didn’t.

“Joohyun sometimes said she didn’t think he was that good a person but I didn’t believe her, on the contrary. He told me to cut her out and not tell her things anymore but lie or keep secrets, so, I did. He was the one to teach me how to build up a façade – first I used it for his benefit, later, I kept the skill to use for my own, or at least what I perceived as a benefit.

“Of course, I hid him from my family. They couldn’t know I was an abnormality, one of those people my father cursed out when there was mention of them on the news.

“I wanted to tell them, eventually, because my boyfriend loved me so much and he never made it a secret that he had this preference and he wanted to get to know my parents, he said. It would be fine, I was their son, he said. I should introduce him, he said. I was apprehensive. I had no courage, no confidence, and no pride in myself – where there had been any left, he had made sure to eradicate it. He always said everyone but him hated me and I had grown up hiding it from my parents. Thinking they’d hate me for it seemed very likely.

“But I loved him, right? I owed him to introduce him.

“I was only able to say no for so long, especially when he was on break and visiting home again in late winter, seeing me all the time. High school was almost over and I was in the process of applying for unis to study veterinary medicine. My father had allowed me to do so for three years and then do something proper, to take over the hotel. Well, it wouldn’t matter, anyway. I spent most, if not all, my free time with my boyfriend because I had no one else. Even if he wasn’t around, I waited in his flat because there was nowhere else to go. I’d rather be there and think he’d come soon than be alone.

“Sometimes, I saw Joohyun and we made plans for uni, but I couldn’t tell her much anymore because she might question my relationship and I didn’t want her to. I had closed her out just as much as I had everyone else, but now I wasn’t only hiding anymore, I was pulling up a façade of a completely different Jungwoo.

“That evening, he said we should go to my place, so he could be introduced. I was nervous but agreed. He wanted it. I loved him, so I had to agree with him.

“My parents weren’t there yet when we came. We waited in my room. At least that had been the plan, but one thing led to another. I felt like it wouldn’t be a good idea but I didn’t know how to tell him no anymore, so I just let it happen.

“He wouldn’t hurt me since he was the only person who loved me, that’s what I thought at that point, so lost in all the lies he had told me.

“I still remember this pure horror I felt when my father was suddenly in the door and saw me in the most compromising position… he shouted and I tried to cover up and put an explanation together but my boyfriend didn’t listen. Neither did my father. He disappeared and my boyfriend put on his clothes and told me he had told me so. He hadn’t, but I didn’t realise I hadn’t been the one at fault, I thought I had brought this upon myself.

“My father came back to my room. It was the first time he showed this aggression towards someone I knew. He had a baseball bat from his favourite team, signed and all. He used it to chase my boyfriend from the flat.

“I couldn’t believe it. It was my father, right? My mother was in the living room, crying. I was barely half-dressed, trying to explain that I just had a different preference but he didn’t listen. She didn’t listen. She just sobbed, asked what she had done wrong for her son to turn out like this. I said it wasn’t anything she had done and that it was just a different preference, how Joohyun and I always told each other.

“I knew my boyfriend had been right, everyone hated me. I hated me.

“My sister just stood in the corner, pale, while my mother sobbed and my father screamed at me, called me every name he could think of. When I tried to cut in and called him dad, he slapped me across the face and said I wasn’t to call him that anymore. He wasn’t the father to a disgrace like me.

“He told me to take my things and leave, to never show my face again.

“So, I did.

“I thought I could go to my boyfriend and I did. I tried to get everything sorted out but I realised my bank account had been blocked, my phone-subscription cancelled, and I only had the cash I had on myself. I tried to go back, talk to my mum, to my sisters, to my uncle, aunt, grandma. Only closed doors.

“I had my boyfriend, right?

“A week after everything he had provoked had gone down, he said he was bored because I was constantly sad and too vanilla anyway. I begged. For days. Until he disappeared and I didn’t even know where to. I only met him again last year, when he came here, like a ghost from the past, trying to repeat what had nearly broken me the first time.

“I had five weeks until college started, no money, nothing.

“If it hadn’t been for Joohyun, the scrabs of our friendship, her unwavering support for me despite everything, and superb organisational skills, I’m sure it would have been it. She hid me in her bedroom for three weeks, helped me find and get a scholarship on short notice, a dorm room, everything. It wasn’t veterinary, but Hybrid medicine, but I didn’t care at all at the time, didn’t see much of a difference anymore later, and by now I think it was the best thing that could have happened.

“She opened her doors to me, but even though she was still there, she wasn’t at the same time. She supported me to her best abilities but even though we shared the same room, we didn’t talk openly anymore.

“I didn’t and because I had pulled away, so had she. I didn’t even notice that was what had happened until over a year later. It didn’t feel different because I hadn't noticed the transition I had made. I didn’t realise I was hiding behind a façade and just pulled up more and more walls because I didn’t know how else to protect myself.

“All I wanted from that moment on, was to fit in. I didn’t want to stick out negatively and give anyone a reason to bully me again. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I wanted to forget what had happened. I thought that the secret to being happy was to be manly, straight, and like everyone else. It was all I had learnt and I now knew how to pretend I was.

“So, that was what I started university as. I didn’t challenge that belief because there was no reason to. Everyone else I surrounded myself with thought the same – probably still think. I was miserable but I was sure it’d be worse if I changed anything. I couldn’t be with women and because I was so set on being perceived a certain way, I ended up just being a terrible boyfriend. Admittedly, my boyfriends usually weren’t all that great either but I don’t want to justify my own bad behaviour by blaming them. I hid them and put the second. I didn’t love them because I believed I wasn’t deserving of love myself and thus thought myself of incapable of giving it to anyone else.

“Here, with you, my worldview suddenly got turned on an axis in all regards.

“Here, with you, for the first time in so long, being myself was enough to be deserving of love.

“I didn’t have to prove myself fun for Yuta to invite me to come to Han river, I didn’t have to explain myself for Taeyong to make vegetarian food for me, I didn’t have to think exactly like you to be allowed in and accepted.

“Here, I’m not wrong and broken and disgusting. Here, I don’t have to fit into expectations.

“I did have to be respectful and understanding for Jaehyun to overcome his shyness. I did have to re-evaluate my poor life choices and ungratefulness for Doyoung to stop glaring at me. I was forced to completely change my stance on how society works to be able to understand what had hurt me and made me so miserable.

“Then, I could change it.

“You, all of you, made me a different person without forcing me to be someone I’m not. You made me a better version of myself.

“If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have realised that there had been Joohyun all this time, who I had closed off and only been able to open up to again after I had been allowed to be myself here. She’s my best friend and she will hopefully always be, but here, it feels like it’s… a family. Only, one that actually loves me unconditionally and even forgives me dumb shit.

“That’s why I can finally look back and realise the faults, no longer wish for something that was never there. I can let go and be happy, so much happier, with who I have now. You.

“Thank you, I don’t know if I ever said it but I want to say it every day. I’m very grateful you gave me hope, had faith in me, and taught me what love really is, you and your kids.”

Taeil had taken his hand while Jungwoo had spoken and Jungwoo squeezed it, feeling the other squeeze back.

He didn’t say it out loud, but Jungwoo added it in his head. He couldn’t tell him, not yet, not now.

But he loved him. More every day.

Taeil must know he did because even though he was fully dressed, the moment was intimate.

From how he never let go and carefully circled his thumb over his skin, eyes a bit shiny, Jungwoo didn’t need him to say it out loud to know Taeil’s feelings for him were still there, too.

He couldn’t tell him, not yet, but he was sure Taeil loved him, too.

There wasn’t much more to Jungwoo that Taeil didn’t know at this point. Maybe his preference in blankets for sleeping or those most personal quirks and habits. Other than that, it was all out there now.

“No matter what the past and what the circumstances, I’m glad it led you here, to become part of my life and my family,” was what Taeil said instead and, in a way, it felt even more meaningful.

Jungwoo wasn’t a guest anymore, he wasn’t just a friend. He was not yet a lover, but it was because of Taeil having a heart of gold and the consciousness of an angel.

How could Jungwoo resent him for it if it was part of what he loved?

He couldn’t. Just a bit under three years and he could tell him that he did, openly.

Just a bit under three years and he could close this small distance to kiss him, touch him, and love him.

He’d wait.

He’d wait 30 years if he had to.

“I’m glad I was able to create this space where I could build a loving home. Because… I lost mine as well. Not in the way you did but… it’s still not there anymore,” Taeil took a deep breath, getting himself into the mindset to open up, just how Jungwoo just had. It took a moment, then he carried on, “It seems like I have a bad relationship with my mother and I do, but it wasn’t always like that.

“The reason why I wanted to become a Hybrid doctor, ever since little, was the Hybrid of our neighbours, who was put down rather than treated. It was heartbreaking and a defining moment in my life. I never swayed from it and my parents ended up agreeing, if a bit reluctant.

“There really wasn’t much to whine about, so I don’t want to dwell on minor inconveniences that I don’t look back to anymore. I went to fancy public schools in Gangnam, I was part of several clubs, I even skipped my first year in primary school because I was bright and quick to learn.

“I was hardworking and my parents were proud to send me off to Yonsei, especially my father was overjoyed to see me attend the same school he had gone to, the second best in Korea, which was then the majority’s opinion in the household. I had very little worries and lived a carefree student life. I was a golden spoon child but without the crushing expectations most almost collapse under.

“It was all perfect. Until it stopped being.

“Late into my first semester of college, my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. Its risk is ridiculously heightened for smokers, especially for long-term ones. But because he was always struggling with chronic coughing, for the same reason, he only went to see a doctor late into its growth and it had already started to metastasise. Treatment would be difficult and the chances of surviving weren’t high, but I didn’t even worry because I hadn’t experienced true hardships so it seemed like a distant thought to believe anything might ever hit me.

“I was a bit naïve and dumb.

“He went into therapy around the same time that I started my first internship at Seoul National. It’s not long, as you know, just to get a first feeling for your later work. It only further cemented my wish to work as just that, even though with my father’s illness, my mother started to voice more and more doubts if it was really a good career to choose. It was easy to ignore, I didn’t even take it seriously because my parents had always supported me in the end, so I didn’t think anything would ever change.

“About half-way through it, there was a bunny, small, young, sickly, that we diagnosed with diabetes. Doctor Kwon suggested insulin therapy for him, but I totalled it up until he’d be of age to sell and it nearly came to almost the same price as he would have been worth – healthy. The breeder didn’t even consider it because it made no sense from an economic standpoint.

“I hated it. I hated that they’d just kill young Hybrids and I hated that they were always priced as if they were bananas and not pets. I still thought of them as pets, then.

“Such a common chronic illness, that’s easy to treat in humans, nowadays, was exactly what I didn’t want to see Hybrid be put down over anymore. Something treatable had been the reason why my Hybrid friend from childhood had not been allowed to return home and it had been the reason for much grief. Her death had been the only big worry throughout my growing-up to that point and the reason for my chosen career. I was going to change that, in the future.

“I was still dreaming very big, how you only can when you’re naïve.

“Insulin therapy seemed like a great starting point for a thesis, even if that was still far, far away. It was just a bunny, right? They’re not much work, not very bright, really humble in what they need.

“So, I took him in. That was Doyoung, if it wasn’t already clear.

“Only… what I expected wasn’t at all what he turned out to be. Essentially, it was a 10-year-old child, that had just lost his home, knew next to nothing about the real world, but that was now in my care. Had anyone told me, I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t have taken him home on a whim. I was eighteen, and suddenly a parent without a warning.

“There was no more time to go out, no more time to be foolish. Instead, I suddenly had to read up on how to raise a child, had to teach a kid, answer a million questions. And there were a million of them once Doyoung had realised he was allowed to ask them.

“But if I had the chance to do it again, I would – just maybe with a week’s notice so I could at least try and prepare mentally. I know I mess up, I know I make mistakes and sometimes snap at those I want to have patience with. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t have this responsibility and could just act on a whim or irrational instead of remembering five other people I’m a role model to. Sometimes, I wish nothing but to just be able to down three glasses of wine and watch stupid reality TV on the sofa instead of having to budget the following month. But then someone curls up next to me on the sofa or someone beams at me and says something and… it’s all worth it.

“It’s giving them this place, it’s giving you this place, and it has become my place that has stayed after my original family disappeared.

“Not even a year after the initial diagnosis, my father passed away.

“His company had already been sold to his successor when it had become obvious that he wouldn’t survive his cancer, so he could leave it with a spring in his step, a smile on his face, and squeeze his most loyal employees’ shoulders to thank them for all they had done for him on his way out. Remembered forever as hardworking, honest, and strong president Moon.

“He spent his last days in the clinic, sitting on the balcony in the spring sun. I’ve never seen an April with weather as good as it was that year. As if to make him enjoy every last second he had. I remember how old he looked. In just a year, he had aged for 20.

“Rather than a father, he looked like a grandfather.

“He always petted Doyoung and said he should look out for me when he couldn’t anymore. Doyoung was eleven, extremely precocious, a slight know-it-all, and probably a spoilt brat because I was infatuated like a complete dork, and always nodded with huge black eyes because my father was the only person he truly admired.

“While caught in sterile hallways and on machines, he taught Doyoung about semiconductors and electric currents so a child would understand. He told him about how he built up his company after the war, that had been like his first child, but that his second child was just as important and precious, which was why Doyoung was important and precious, too.

“My father was the only person who called him my kid and treated him how his grandchild would deserve to be.

“He’s the reason why I never gave it up even after so much ridicule I have to face for it. I know it’s the same, in my heart, and I know he saw that, he understood that, and I can always remember he would have supported me because he did until his last breath.

“The day after he had passed, I learnt about how much I was to inherit and I knew I’d be able to open my own office without having to worry, even have plenty of savings left in case things would go south at any point. It had been my dream to do so, but I had lost my father to achieve it. It was hard to accept at first and I even considered not doing it. In grief, most people become quite irrational and I was no exception. It just seemed like nothing was worth the effort anymore with him lost.

“Until Doyoung announced we had to go to the library and then have ice cream because I was looking too sad and it was his job to make sure I was happy now because he had been entrusted with this very important task by someone super important and wasn’t going to let the one he had promised to down.

“It took time. With Doyoung there, I slowly understood that life would go on and it would be okay. I had happy memories of our time together. He was gone, but my life wasn’t the one that was over, I still had a purpose and a place, someone who needed and loved me.

“I could let his memory live on in my actions, so Doyoung would have just as happy a home as I had growing up. I could use what he left me to build it up and allow more Hybrids to recover from whatever they had to face in their lives so far.

“My mother… it was harder for her. Slowly, I can understand why. She had been in love with him, from the first to the last day and I, her child, wasn’t dependant on her anymore, I wasn’t even at home anymore. It must have felt much bigger a loss for her.

“She went into a streak of insane shopping, overworking, and meeting every last person she had ever known for over a year. And the nagging. Taeillie this, Taeillie that, from my hair to my socks, everything suddenly bothered her and didn’t seem right to her. My studies, my flat, my food. I didn’t recognise her anymore.

“It was her way of coping, I guess.

“It somewhat calmed down but she’s not the person that she used to be.

“Both of them had their jobs as I grew up and I was raised by nannies for many hours, but they were always there and made time when I needed them. We used to talk about problems. I never had to hide from them. I could date my boyfriend just as much as I could date my girlfriend in high school.

“She used to be open and accepting. She used to understand and respect me.

“With my father’s death, she suddenly started trying to push me into the exact same life she used to have. Because she had been so happy until he had died.

“How can I resent her for wishing happiness for me?

“I missed what used to be, the times when we went to Lotte World on the weekend or to Jeju for the summer holiday. I missed lying between my parents at night to watch TV when they forgot my bedtime and I missed them kissing scratches better. I missed having someone to listen to me and understand. I missed having unconditional love and support.

“I was able to rebuild what I missed. I’m the one forgetting bedtimes and kissing scratches better, but I don’t need a bedtime anymore and my scratches no longer mean the end of the world. I found someone who will listen to all my endless rants and lets me freak out and work crazy times because he understands. I have a loving home where love and support are both given and received with the only condition being that there are mutual respect and tolerance.

“I’m happy. I still miss my father. That never goes away. But I’m very happy.

“She’s stuck in the past and unable to overcome her sadness. So, I can be upset when she treats the kids like staff and be annoyed when she introduces yet another young woman for me to date and hurry to get married to, but I know why she’s doing it and I can’t hate her for it. She wants me to find what she had, but she doesn’t see that I might have already found it.”

Taeil squeezed his hand tighter and Jungwoo wished he saw that he was already here.

But he’d still be here in three years.

There was silence between them, just the clock silently ticking in her never-changing pace and Jungwoo slowly started to reconsider his perception of Taeil and his family.

He hadn’t suffered a loss like that before, but he could understand that Taeil’s mother would be so uprooted by it that she’d just blindly chase whatever she perceived as best.

In a way, it wasn’t too different from himself. He, too, had had no regard for people around him in chasing happiness when he had lost his family.

Of course, Taeil would be the one helping him to see, to understand, to forgive.

“It makes sense. That you were raised like this. I was always wondering how you could be that incredible a person to acquire all your social skills by yourself,” Jungwoo broke the silence, voice sounding loud despite being soft.

Taeil sniffed and chuckled, “Dang, shouldn’t have said anything and just pretended to be a superhuman.”

“No. I don’t want a superhuman. Because if you were, I’d be literally just dust on the floor.”

“No, you wouldn’t be, don’t speak so lowly of yourself or I will punish you in the name of the moon,” Jungwoo couldn’t help giggle over the lame joke and Taeil leaned back against the wall and looked up at him through his lashes, probably not realising how ethereal he looked from Jungwoo’s point of view, “You’d be the misguided supervillain who then got a redemption arc and now is part of the super team.”

“Oh. Okay. That’s fine,” Jungwoo let his thumb run over the back of Taeil’s hand. As long as he was with Taeil now, that seemed fine. He wanted to be with him.

He was right, Jungwoo wasn’t dust on the floor. At least he wasn’t anymore and he didn’t want to be. He wanted to be in his team, supporting him. Being there for him. As he watched Taeil’s face, full of emotions, tears having left marks, he knew he needed to add this to the gallery of moments to never forget.

Because he was beautiful.

“We should talk about something happy. The kids will think we’ve lost it if we both come upstairs, crying.” Taeil finally said and sniffed one last time, then searched for a tissue. Jungwoo had one in his pocket but it was used so he didn’t offer it to Taeil, just took care of his own face.

“Thank you for telling me.”

“You, too. Though I feel like suing your father for something now.”

Jungwoo chuckled wetly, “He has a team of lawyers for the hotel, I wouldn’t do that,” he tapped his face dry, “I think I can understand your mother better now. I can’t accept it, but I can understand why she does what she does.”

Taeil nodded.

“I’m glad. She’s still my mum, after all. I would want you to like her.”

As his boyfriend?

Jungwoo wanted to ask for Taeil to reconsider, to see that Jungwoo was so in love with him, that there was already nothing hidden between them anymore.

He didn’t. Taeil had voiced his concerns and Jungwoo owed it to him to respect them because they were valid and reasonable. He didn’t want to be a partner to push his beloved into anything for his own gain. If he did, that would make him no better than his old self and all the people that had made him lose faith, in the past.

He was going to wait.

“Let’s talk about the Beauty and the Beast live-action remake they want to produce. How do you like Emma Watson as Belle?” Jungwoo carefully suggested. The second he had read it, he had thought of Taeil. It happened a lot, obviously, but it seemed like the news read in the morning now were much more useful than expected.

“I like that, that’s a good topic. And I have a lot of opinions. Emma is beautiful, but I wouldn’t immediately have thought of her thinking of Belle and her animated, original face. But I guess the English accent would be nice to have and she’s a good actress. She has to really sell her part, so she can live up to expectations arising from the original animation, obviously,” Taeil nodded to reinforce his point.

“Of course, I’d think the same if there was a re-make of my favourite. I’ll probably be unable to think of her as anyone other than Hermoine, to be honest, even if she has a Beast by her side and a yellow dress. That must be the curse of playing such a popular and well-known character.”

“Ah, with her, not so much because she did a few other projects already. I just hope they cast a fitting male lead. They can’t have an American actor, that’d be so weird.”

“They can’t have Daniel Radcliffe. _That_ would be weird.”

Taeil burst into laughter and Jungwoo smiled seeing him laugh so much over a small comment. The sound was warm and filled the room as Taeil took a moment to calm back down.

“I feel much better. It’s six already. Let’s go up and not be late for dinner, shall we?”

Jungwoo smiled and held out his hand as if he was some prince and Taeil a lady to take to the ball.

Taeil glanced up at him, just for a second, but then he took it and let Jungwoo twirl them around as if the office was a ballroom and there was an orchestra playing a song to dance to. Just instead of tuxedo and gown, there were white sweaters and trousers.

It was a moment like a fairy tale.

A moment of Taeil staring up at him like Jungwoo was the stars in the Milky Way.

He could wait.

So, he gave Taeil one last twist that put distance between them and relished in both their giggles filling the office as dizziness from moving in circles caught up.

He could wait.

Because he wasn’t going anywhere.

Not when Taeil was right here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t usually feel the need to mention it when I make myself cry with my own angsty ideas, but writing the passing of Taeil’s father really hit hard. I make you suffer, but I also suffer. What led us here….?
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter costed me at least 3 years of my life and I still kind of hate it but I also didn’t want to scrab it because I do think it’s relevant and I need it for the story to be cohesive. That being said, I really hope you’ll not be disappointed bc it’s a completely new topic I’ve never written before and first tries, unfortunately, never are the best.

Jungwoo was still not used to summers, even after having 22 years time to acclimate to the damp heat his home country offered during those months. So, whenever it slowly came to a close, he was the one celebrating the dropping temperatures while everyone else frowned at the harsher winds cutting over Han into Seoul.

He didn’t particularly enjoy going back to university, but that also came with autumn. The good news was: there wasn’t much left of it. Two more semesters of actually having to go to classes – it would pass in a blur, hopefully.

With autumn came Chuseok and, this year, Jungwoo had stayed in Gangnam for three days while Joohyun was in Gunpo to see her family.

Just as her Seollal visits, she cut them down every year, with the ultimate goal of disappearing from them without anyone noticing. The time during which Jungwoo would have internally scolded her for throwing away her family in favour of loneliness were long past. Instead, he helped her think of threadbare excuses why she needed to head home earlier.

Not only she needed encouragement over the holidays. It was Taeil as well.

Instead of internally agreeing how terrible his family was, he saw that it was Taeil’s way of coping with having lost while having the reminder that it used to be there constantly dangle in front of him.

At least for him, he had had a clean cut. One that had taken years to heal, but he had overcome now.

He had done Taeil’s tie for him and listened to his rant about his ‘stuck up family and mother’ that he had to see instead of being able to work. Actually, Jungwoo hoped he’d take the day off to just focus on dumb things to be petty over instead of his endless papers and the endless research into more and more and more.

Maybe, Taeil would remember that there was also a family at home to return to, instead of just work, if he was just reminded of how important it was to him.

He didn’t want to be selfish, so he didn’t say it. He just hoped Taeil would come to the realisation himself.

Jungwoo had stayed back, petted ears and tummies, watched Idol Star Athletic Championships, and ate food.

Over summer, Jaehyun had gotten an infection on his thigh because of his under-treated eczema and the pain must have finally woken him up from slacking with his routine, so he looked a lot better since.

For the second anniversary of Jungwoo being thrown in at the deep end, Doyoung had had a worrisome result for his quarterly blood levels. Many nerves and a lot of time had been lost looking into all possible reasons – other than the machine failing, which Yuta had suggested could be the actual culprit.

Sometimes, it was worth to step back and just think of the easiest solution first, or at least 23rd, and give it a try. Because, as so many times, it had turned out that had been where the mistake had been made.

With the result coming back normal twice, just to make extra sure, it meant he was in pristine condition to start his very first job. It was another small change that had happened over summer when school had picked back up.

There was no official job title, but Jungwoo referred to him as an afternoon-private-tutor. It fit him like a glove and made him glow in happiness whenever he talked about the kids at the orphanage he helped with their homework.

It wasn’t actually an orphanage, at least that wasn’t what it was called. It was a home for children in the care of the state, so it didn’t include any huge sleeping halls or gunk for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and was more like a boarding school. However, it did mean there were no parents able to focus on every single child and their needs. Doyoung was filling that gap just a little bit for young boys and girls struggling with maths and sciences. Those subjects that were naturally hated by most – but Doyoung’s favourite.

Coming out of summer and into autumn, there suddenly was another issue that remained unsolved and became a little more pressing every week when it had dropped yet again: Kun’s weight.

The main problem was that it came out of nowhere. No one would have even realised yet if not for the quarterly check-up, that Taeil enforced for his kids.

He had been three kilograms below what he was allowed to weight at the lowest so he didn’t qualify as underweight and that raised a million red flags especially since he had been perfectly stagnant for more than a year.

Just, no one knew what the reason for the significant drop was and, even worse, when Taeil had checked again a week later, during which Kun had been given extra treats, it had been even lower.

There were zero warning signs or clear indicators. Kun ate well, he didn’t voice any concerns, and he didn’t show any symptoms or pain reactions. Every test, they had conducted so far, had come back with okay results – they had never been ideal because Kun had so many lingering issues from mistreatment, but it didn’t give them anything to work with. All the drops were related to weight loss, but they weren’t the reason for it.

Their search for answers was made harder by the fact that Kun still didn’t quite seem to trust any of them. Or, rather than trust, it was more that he was so incredibly set on being a perfect collector’s piece, he never voiced his worries or opinions if it could be helped. He made progress in Korean, he became more comfortable when it came to cuddling, playing, and anything that didn’t require him to ask for help. The moment someone wanted to know anything too personal, anything about his past, he shut questions down and closed himself off.

Until now, it hadn’t seemed worrisome because he showed no concerning symptoms, no anxiety attacks, no unusual lethargy, no unexplainable mood swings, he was just a constant pleasure to be around and always smiled to reassure them he was fine.

Now, it wasn’t just something to slowly work on to hopefully have him snap out of soon, now it was an issue because it was clear that there was something wrong – just what? No one was quite sure and they were searching in the dark because Taeil was against forcing Kun into anything.

Jungwoo was sure, even if he tried, it would be impossible to do because Kun was so set on not being an inconvenience.

“I’ve been reading into parasites and which ones he could by any chance have gotten,” Taeil glanced over to where Jungwoo finished wiping down the patient bed, that a small accident had happened on earlier.

“Parasites? Like tapeworm?” Jungwoo thought it seemed rather unlikely those happened in Seoul, but he understood that Taeil was grabbing for straws. He, himself, had been doing the same for the three weeks that Kun’s weight had been in free fall.

He had even resorted to asking his professors about it, but all their suggestions were too superficial. Kun didn’t have stomach flu or an allergy or anything along the lines, there was no unusual deformations or even tumours to be seen on different scans, they had already tested for all of that, and he was eating normal, if not bigger, portions.

Everything looked normal, he was just losing weight.

“I just don’t even know anymore. If he’s down another kilo tomorrow, I’ll take him to see Doctor Kwon next week when Chuseok is over. I hate giving them a single won but she has far more expertise than I do and I’d rather he be treated like a toy for an anamnesis than have him wither away while I watch,” Taeil looked so upset and so tired, it was hard for Jungwoo to watch but he didn’t know any other solution since all his own resources had been exhausted.

“You know I think that’s the right choice.”

“Yes, I do,” Taeil blinked up at Jungwoo but there was no heat in his stare, how there had been last week when Jungwoo had first suggested it.

He understood Taeil didn’t want Kun to be treated as an object, but it was how the outside world worked and he couldn’t shelter Kun off that forever. As much as it felt like that would be the best solution, it wouldn’t be.

Taeil was the one with the full power over decisions regarding Kun – he could be the one drawing the line at Seoul National. They could suggest the treatment be euthanasia and it would not be helpful for Kun to hear that – but Kun knew that Taeil was different and no one would force Taeil into putting him down. It could even be a chance to prove to Kun that he could allow himself to seek help when he needed it.

Chances were if Doctor Kwon was how Taeil had, so far, made her out to be, there would be at least two alternatives. She could have the helpful insight and right idea they were lacking right now but in desperate need of.

Taeil nodded and rubbed his face before he turned back to his computer, “I just feel like I should be able to help him all the more since he’s mine. How pathetic that I can have a random stranger waltz in here and find a treatment but I can’t with Kun in weeks, when I live and eat with him every day.”

Jungwoo could understand his frustration. He felt similarly and he could see why Taeil would beat himself up over it, after all, he loved all his Hybrids like they were his kids. Including Kun, despite how much slower he was able to open up and trust. He still was part of the family!

“It’s okay to have support even if it’s from the enemy.” Jungwoo tried to cheer him up and Taeil chuckled weakly.

“I try to remember that. Thanks.”

“Aren’t you going to have lunch?” Jungwoo asked when he walked to the door, the time already reading well past twelve, telling him that the others had probably long started to dig in, but Taeil remained at his desk, scrolling down the paper he had just downloaded.

“No, I still have so much to do, nevermind I have a deadline in two weeks. I’ll just have Gimbap later.”

Jungwoo frowned to himself. He knew about the deadline, he always knew about Taeil’s deadlines. They had also become a constant since spring when his first paper on best practice in insulin treatment for Diabetes Type I Hybrids had been published.

They also meant Taeil spent more lunches down here than up with the family. And more dinners. And more weekends.

He was proud that Taeil’s work was being put into print and made available to read for professionals all around the globe through translations. He was glad there were these progressive journals that were still high in reputation and reach.

He knew this was the way that Taeil could fulfil his dream of reaching people and making them reconsider, he could reach those in charge in the medical field, those pulling a big portion of the strings that kept the Hybrid industry up and running as the slave-market it was.

However, time was a massive problem that came with his frequent publications and the demands from the publisher meeting Taeil’s wish to evoke change and his constant strive for perfection.

No matter how wonderful it was to know he was slowly making his voice heard louder, Taeil was working enough for 2 Taeils.

So far, he had always waved concerns off with a smile and a reminder that he loved his job, but it became obvious that he had been working over his personal limit, now, that there was another issue added to the already existing ones and made it impossible for Taeil to pretend he hadn’t been overstraining for months already.

It had been obvious already, but now it was glaringly so.

A more pressing, more personal and emotional, and more important issue tipped the scale. He had clearly reached the breaking point of how much he could take. This constant exhaustion that had bled into his appearance for the last three weeks, never lifting even for the day away with his family where he should have taken his mind off these responsibilities waiting for him at home, was worrying.

Jungwoo missed Taeil’s frequent and beautiful smiles and he missed when he sometimes offered a mischievous smirk. He missed having a moment to talk about movies or music.

But there was more, there was something else that was now starting to become apparent, that made Jungwoo worry a lot more than a bit of sleep deprivation and a bit less time to converse.

“Make sure to actually eat? We can’t have two people dropping weight at a rapid rate,” Jungwoo reminded and Taeil nodded, not taking his eyes off the screen.

_He probably hadn’t listened. _

It was a bad habit that he had also developed more recently and that flourished when time was especially tight.

Jungwoo walked back and pushed his head between computer and obsessive doctor.

“Don’t forget to eat!”

Taeil’s eyes widened and he stared at Jungwoo in utter surprise for a second. It would be close enough for a kiss.

A kiss that would have to wait and, worse, a kiss that Jungwoo didn’t feel like giving even if he could.

Taeil pulled away.

“Y-yeah, I will.”

Jungwoo nodded and resumed his way to the lunch that had surely already been mostly shredded away by ravenous Hybrids.

Taeil didn’t like telling anyone how to live their lives.

Jungwoo had a bit fewer qualms, but he was very consciously avoiding being a hypocrite – because those were insufferable. He wasn’t going to tell Taeil to dial it back because Jungwoo also didn’t dial it back when exam season came around.

Not long ago, even the thought of having to worry to be a hypocrite and being as bold as he now could be had been unbelievable. Now, it didn’t even make him nervous anymore.

Especially with Taeil.

It was hard to put a name to it, but it felt like he knew him so well, he had had so many heartfelt conversations, heated discussions, and quiet moments of understanding, these things that used to be terrifying and still were with other people, especially strangers, were just part of life with Taeil.

It felt better. He wasn’t at the point of truly no longer caring and letting it bounce off like rain off waxed linen, but he was getting there.

He liked how he could carry himself in conversations, he liked how he could hold his head up high walking down the street.

He liked himself even if he still felt like there were ways in which he lacked, he could be happy with the point in life he was at and still reach for more without feeling like he wasn’t enough.

He might not feel like he was growing every day anymore but he knew he still was – everyone did and you usually only noticed over time because the changes would be marginal once a certain level was reached.

Which was why it was hard to admit that there was a change, he couldn’t quite grow used to, in the very same person that felt like everything was comfortable and natural with.

Taeil.

Because he knew so much about him and could understand him so well, it was impossible not to notice new patterns that sneaked into his normal behaviour.

The obsession with his own work and forgetting about others in the process, such as it had just happened when he had nodded without having listened, was just one example of it. It might have been small and Jungwoo wouldn’t have minded.

It just happened all the time, sometimes more significant, sometimes easier to forget, but each time it did, it left him thinking about it for longer.

It didn’t fit.

Taeil of half a year ago had been busy, but he had never skipped a meal and a chance to spend time with his kids over it.

Taeil of half a year ago would have asked Jungwoo to please repeat if he had been lost in a passage and missed what he had said and not just blindly agreed like it wasn’t important what Jungwoo had to say.

Able to face conflict better or not, he wasn’t sure how to bring it up and he wasn’t sure if he might not be making something small into a huge problem without reason to.

It wasn’t like he was suddenly another person but… the finer details, those that Taeil would have normally been the first to remember, seemed to slowly be lost because he had other things he focused on.

Jungwoo would have usually told him about his own worries, but Taeil was stretched so thin and with no time for anyone to spend, that there was never a chance to.

Generally, there was hardly a chance to talk to Taeil if it wasn’t explicitly work-related.

It was fine, he had Joohyun who listened to his rants about his application for Nagoya that he was dreading to do and constantly putting off to finish later because it was absolutely terrifying.

But it wasn’t the same.

She reassured him and reminded him he could visit home for Chuseok and Seollal, but she didn’t remind him why he was doing all of this and why it would be worth it even though it was the opposite of what Jungwoo was comfortable with.

She didn’t remind him of the murder at the clinics in Seoul he could go to instead of Japan.

She didn’t remind him how excited Yuta was to read up on medical terms in his native, he hadn’t even known, to teach them to Jungwoo.

Her support still helped.

But it wasn’t the same.

Taeil not having time for him, left Jungwoo to fight with his worries all alone. He didn’t want to stress him even more, he didn’t want to be selfish. But it was hard.

These last three weeks had been oil to the flame, making the change even more apparent and impossible to reason away for Jungwoo, no matter how much he wanted to because he didn’t like what he saw.

He hated seeing Taeil look so worn out and he worried and he understood, he really did, that it was nerve-wracking to have a health concern from one of his kids to top off his constant stress. But those details he missed, the change of priorities to put work before family, those moments of interaction he shut himself out from – they had already started before.

Just, how should he bring it up without being unnecessarily hurtful when Taeil already had so much on his plate?

He couldn’t tell him to drop his work for the journal, he couldn’t make him take fewer patients because every patient coming here was a potentially saved Hybrid.

Jungwoo was still sure of his feelings. Over two years, his love had naturally developed from a wildfire into a comfortable ingle, which meant that there were fewer moments of heart-racing and butterflies in his tummy and more moments of just calm affection. It was normal, it was okay and not worrisome, on the contrary, he appreciated having Taeil by his side without being distracted sometimes.

There still were these situations in which he just couldn’t take his eyes off him, in which he wanted to kiss him, touch him, tell him he loved him, tell him how hot he was, how sexy, or smart, or funny.

However, in the moments in which Taeil would show this new side, the one that put obsessive research over cuddling his kids, in those moments Jungwoo just felt…

Nothing.

It was scary.

Jungwoo didn’t want to not feel anything for Taeil.

He wanted to love him!

He wanted to love all of him!

But people changed.

Jungwoo had changed.

Taeil had every right to change.

It was selfish to cling to a person that Taeil might grow out of, it was self-centred to not want Taeil to focus so much on himself when it was important to ensure his own happiness and health so he could give to others.

Jungwoo didn’t want to be selfish, just how Taeil had said he didn’t want to be. He wanted to still love him, he wanted to try and feel love and understand Taeil’s reasoning for behaving the way he did.

He understood.

But he didn’t feel anything.

Maybe, he’d have to accept that his love hadn’t been meant to last, after all, maybe, that was what the wait was for, so he could be spared the break-up.

Only…

He couldn’t even allow himself to think he might be falling out of love because it hurt.

He wouldn’t be spared the break-up.

Jungwoo might not be kissing Taeil or touching him, they weren’t officially dating or a couple, but Jungwoo was part of the family.

It felt like they were already far past the boyfriend part, only in a very unusual way in which they didn’t do all the most intimate parts of a relationship and didn’t call it one.

So, the idea of losing his feelings for Taeil was… frankly, it was heartbreaking in itself.

He cherished them, he enjoyed the feeling of being in love and he appreciated the time that he spent with him and he was still counting the days until his last exam would be done and he could finally, officially, be eye to eye with Taeil, finally kiss him, finally call him his boyfriend.

Because he loved him how he never had loved anyone before and when he thought of the future, his chest grew warm and there was a moment of heart-racing at the thought of having Taeil just for himself, forever.

He didn’t want that to not be there anymore.

But he also didn’t want to be selfish and force Taeil to be someone he wasn’t. There was no crueller relationship than one in which one forced the other into a part they weren’t.

There was nothing more miserable than not being allowed to be oneself.

So, Jungwoo wasn’t sure how to bring it up. There were no chances to bring it up either. He’d have to specifically force Taeil into the conversations because… well, Taeil was working. Always.

He’d have to seek him out and have to be sure this was what he wanted to do but he wasn’t. Jungwoo wasn’t sure how much of it was genuine concern, that was reasonable to speak up on, and how much was just selfishness.

He didn’t want to be selfish, he wanted to love Taeil unconditionally.

But he had promised himself and Taeil, who had always noticed when someone needed him and who had a heart big enough to forgive someone who had consciously gotten off the path they had wanted to take, that he wasn’t going to hurt himself.

He just… didn’t know how.

That Taeil would be the reason for the hurt didn’t make sense.

So, Jungwoo just watched and clung to the parts of Taeil that he loved and ignored whenever his chest grew cold around him.

He stepped out of his shoes and sniffed the air, trying to guess what they were having but the scent of chicken was too strong for him. Well, he knew they’d be having chicken.

However, when he came into the living room, where the table was already set and full of people eating, there were three that he hadn’t seen before and was quite sure didn’t belong. Taeil had not adopted two new Hybrids and a human boy since yesterday.

Or had he?

“Ah! That’s Jungwoo-Hyung we told you about,” Yuta announced and all heads turned to him.

Jungwoo tried hard to make sense of who he was looking at, but it didn’t ring a bell. The boy looked like he wasn’t even in high school yet, one of the Hybrids even younger, with a bright red collar around his neck and curly orange hair, while the other didn’t fit the adorable kid image at all, at least several years older, tall even sitting down, but, most notably, a breed of Hybrid that wasn’t available on the free market because they were deemed too dangerous.

If he was here, Jungwoo guessed he couldn’t be as dangerous as general opinion wanted him to believe, which still left the question who these guys were and why they were having lunch with them?

“Hello,” he smiled. The dog Hybrid shrunk into his seat while the cat had already bounced up and was rounding the table like Yuta on five shots of espresso.

“Hi, hello, hi, I’m Donghyuck, nice to meet you,” Jungwoo found his hand wildly shaken, his entire arm suffering in the process, “And those are Mark and Johnny-Hyung. Taeyong-Hyung invited us for lunch because the parents are out to a fancy reception where children and Hybrids aren’t allowed and it’s probably so boring I’d die anyway.” And with that, Donghyuck was already moving back into his seat to shove more chicken into his mouth.

Jungwoo still stood where he had been, feeling like a tiny-sized tornado had just whirled past.

He got his bearing together and moved to the free seat next to who might be either Mark or Johnny, but likely was Mark because Mark had not gotten an honorific and it would seem unlikely he’d not use them with a human.

“Do you mind?” Jungwoo asked. The Hybrid blinked up at him for the fraction of a second, then immediately looked downwards in a clear sign of submission and shook his head. Jungwoo felt incredibly stupid for having had the idea, that attack dog Hybrids would naturally be aggressive, stuck in his head.

He should know better than to believe anything he read and didn’t get from direct sources, aka a Hybrid telling him. Which meant this could be a wonderful learning experience.

“Yeah, uh, nice to meet you,” the human boy had swallowed down the food in his mouth and leaned over the table to look past his Hybrid companion. 

“I feel like there have already been stories told about me,” Jungwoo asked and picked up his chopsticks. Immediately, the table broke into denial and reassurances it had only been ‘really good and totally true’ things.

Once upon a time, Jungwoo would have freaked out, jumped to the worst possible conclusions. Now, only a faint tingle of nerves lingered.

“No, really, like, honestly, everyone praised you for being a super great student and also good at petting ears and having the best voice to calm kids down,” the human boy reassured him.

“Well, that’s not too bad.” Jungwoo smiled to himself.

“See?” Jaehyun puffed his chest, and Jungwoo wouldn’t have believed he had said anything cheeky. Doyoung, maybe, Yuta, probably.

“So, like, what do you do here? I heard you were Taeil-Hyung’s student kind of? But I didn’t get it,” Donghyuck asked and some food flew. Taeyong handed him a napkin and said something about gentleman’s behaviour.

“That’s because you didn’t listen,” the human (Johnny?) rolled his eyes.

“Excuse me? I always listen! This is slander!”

“You literally never do!”

“I listened when Taeyong-Hyung explained how the rice cooker worked!”

“So, will you make rice at home now?”

Donghyuck blinked at his owner blankly.

Jungwoo couldn’t hold himself from chuckling.

It was refreshing.

He had never before witnessed such normal interaction between human and Hybrid outside of Heaven. Well, he wasn’t outside of Heaven, but these people were outsiders.

So, there were others, who had realised the potential Hybrids had.

It was silly to think there weren’t, but it was the first time Jungwoo experienced it.

Especially between the recent stress and worries, it was like rays of sunshine in the middle of a thunderstorm.

“To answer your question, Donghyuck, I’m just helping out this week so Seulgi-sshi and Sooyoung-sshi can both take it off. For me, it’s great because I get some more practical experience. I’m still in university, studying to become a Hybrid doctor, like Taeil-Hyung already is,” Jungwoo explained and helped himself to some soya shoots.

“Which university do you go to?” the older Hybrid asked. His voice was deep but not as full of insecurity as his body language had Jungwoo led to expect. It was nice to hear him not be too shy to ask questions, it was nice to hear that there didn’t seem to be any borders of obedience to constrict these two into.

It wasn’t just nice, it was wonderful. It was like a glimpse into a future where everyone would see they had been misled into false reality and where everyone could be a person good enough to make right what was wrong.

“Korea University. It’s the second-best in the country, don’t let anyone else tell you differently,” Jungwoo beamed.

“Allegedly,” Doyoung chipped in from the other side of the table.

“There’s been conflicting opinions,” Taeyong added and the dog Hybrid (Mark?) nodded.

“So, when will you be an actual doctor?” Donghyuck asked, not remembering the gentleman’s way and a bit too loud for indoors – but so endearingly uninhibited.

“Hopefully, in two and a half years. I’ll have to start my residency, which is my practical year, next summer and, after, write my doctoral thesis and complete two more oral exams,” two and a half years.

Not much longer.

He just had to remember it wasn’t long a year alone in a foreign country would buzz by.

He just had to hold onto his love and then he could make true of it.

“Woah, how long is that in total then?” the human boy looked up with wide eyes.

“Six years in total. It’s not very long, to be honest, human medicine can take up to ten.” Jungwoo admitted.

“Wait, so, you’re like super-old? Older than Johnny-Hyung?” Donghyuck gasped and Jungwoo felt a little offended.

“I’m 22…”

“Whaaat? Oh my god, that’s almost thirty and before you look, you’ll be forty and wrinkly and boring!”

“Donghyuck, literally, can you not get us kicked out?” So, the Hybrid was actually Johnny and Donghyuck called his owner without an honorific? “I’m so sorry!” Who had to be Mark was flushed and bowed his head, while Donghyuck grinned cheekily.

It was a bit bold, no, it was very bold, but Jungwoo liked it, “It’s fine, I’ll make the wrinkles work for myself.” Because beauty was subjective anyway.

“Wait, Taeil-Hyung’s older than Jungwoo-Hyung, does that mean he’s super-old, too?” Jaehyun gasped.

“Unfortunately, I think so,” Donghyuck nodded solemnly and Yuta started cackling.

Jungwoo checked to see what Kun was eating, but he was busy chewing on chicken and there was a significant dent in his rice.

He _was_ eating.

How was he losing weight?

It was visible on his face, had been for a few days, because his jaw had gotten so sharp and his cheeks so slim. Jungwoo missed the soft baby fat that had been clinging to it, showing his youth even though he had already been thin.

“We can practice calling him grandpa, I’m sure he’ll appreciate it,” Doyoung drily offered.

Jungwoo accidentally knocked his elbow into Johnny while helping himself to more kimchi.

“Sorry, my bad. I’ll move aside,” Jungwoo knew dog Hybrids tended to be a bit particular about their belongings and their spaces. Before he had realised just how much it would show in a Hybrid no longer thinking of a human as a god-like figure, he had once taken something that was Jaehyun’s without getting explicit permission first.

Jungwoo had never had a fear of dogs, much less dog Hybrids, but it had been terrifying to get teeth bared and growled at.

They had talked about it after and Jaehyun had been regretful, but it wasn’t something he was eager to repeat if it could be helped. It was his duty to keep himself in check and respect territories even if he lacked the instinct for them.

“No, it’s okay, I didn’t even feel it,” Johnny returned and Jungwoo had little trouble believing him, seeing how large his frame was. He was usually the tallest in the room, but as Johnny slowly had straightened back up in his chair, Jungwoo wasn’t sure if he wasn’t taller than himself and much less build like a twig with broad shoulders but no muscle to back them up, how he was.

“You don’t mind me in your territory?” Jungwoo stopped himself from moving away and creating space that would end up separating him from the rest and also widen the distance between himself and the food.

Johnny seemed very nice and Jungwoo would love to get to know him a bit better, as well as Mark and Donghyuck, to learn more about how they cohabitated so freely. There was no reason to pull away if Johnny didn’t want him to. On the contrary.

“No. I don’t care about humans because you don’t claim yours,” Johnny bluntly returned and Jungwoo was stunned for a second. So, he wasn’t a threat to take seriously? Well, it was true, but it still kind of stung.

“Aw, Hyung, don’t take it to heart, I’ll pick a fight with you over chopsticks if you want!” Yuta announced from the other side of the table.

“Aren’t we over fighting over silverware? We have enough chopsticks for everyone!” Taeyong sighed deeply.

“I mean, I didn’t mean it in a bad way?” Johnny softly added.

“No, actually, I appreciate being not seen as a threat, thanks. It was just an ego thing, but you’re right, I don’t claim mine,” Jungwoo smiled and Johnny glanced at him for a second and returned the smile. He wasn’t just nice, he was actually pretty cute, too. Or was Jungwoo now starting to automatically adopt everyone at least two years his junior and with fluffy ears, too?

“So, like, when you’re a doctor, will you work here? Are you any good? Are you as good as Taeil-Hyung? Because he’s absolutely the best doctor in the entire world.” Donghyuck asked, no food flying this time.

“I’m sure he is,” Mark hissed but Donghyuck was wholly unbothered by his owner.

“Jungwoo-Hyung’s super good!” Jaehyun immediately boasted and Jungwoo felt himself smile in gratefulness.

“Well, he’s making good progress, but let’s hold our horses here, Taeil-Hyung is a very high standard to live up to,” Doyoung chipped in, sounding every bit the part of the pretentious child he probably once had been.

“That’s actually true, I’m still in the process of learning. The residency, I just talked about, is to learn more practical skills. I only had internships where I did the easier procedures so far, but I’ll work hard to follow Taeil-Hyung’s example,” because Jungwoo loved Taeil’s hard-working and caring nature.

No, this wasn’t the moment to worry about that. He was hardworking and caring. He was just busy, that was all.

“Hm…” Donghyuck narrowed his eyed and shoved rice into his mouth, which fully ruined any illusion of seriousness there might have been, “So, like, you’ll do residency here? Because in that case, I’ll be able to judge your skills and if they’re any good. Taeil’s my doctor and he was the only one who knew how to treat me. But I’ll not tell you what I have so you won’t have the advantage to cheat.”

Jungwoo chuckled. So, was that how they had gotten themselves invited for lunch? How unlikely a connection in any other setting but how terribly fitting for Heaven.

“We have patient files where your entire history is documented in,” he pointed out and Donghyuck looked severely offended by that, “ But before you can come up with ways to make it harder, let me tell you that I won’t be here for residency.”

“Fine,” Donghyuck shrugged.

Jungwoo glanced over to Kun with plans of checking just once more if he was eating, but instead noticed that there were several eyes on him, full of sadness.

The same sadness he felt but tried to argue away.

It was easy to think of the ultimate goal, in 2 years and a bit, when he’d be back and finally get the chance to show Taeil how much he loved him.

However, there was a whole year between.

A year, probably, spent in a foreign country, far away, where there’d be an actual ocean between him and Gangnam.

Jungwoo would be a liar if he didn’t admit he was intimidated and if he pretended he was prepared for it. His Japanese might suffice until then, but everything else?

It was going to be a trial and he’d be faced with his worst fear, to this day.

He’d be alone.

He’d have nothing and no one over there with him.

The reward was getting a good education and learning from people with working ethics he could get behind.

It was the path Jungwoo had chosen and this was part of it.

It was only a year. He’d get through it.

A year in which he’d not have to notice any changes in Taeil’s behaviour that would make him feel nothing.

A year away from his family and friends.

To fulfil his dream.

Twelve months that’d past quickly.

To fulfil his dream.

He just had to remember what it was for and he could get through it. Hopefully.

“Actually, speaking of, you said you lived all over the world before, Mark, where exactly?” Taeyong asked, first to tear his eyes away from Jungwoo.

Mark looked up, a piece of leaf currently stuck between his teeth and struggling to hold on.

He bit it through and swallowed before straightening. Again, Jungwoo tried to judge his age, but he seemed very young, just like Donghyuck.

“All over the world is maybe too much. We just move every year or so because of my mum’s job and that started,” he counted on his fingers, “Six years ago. Before that, we lived in Vancouver for pretty long.” He glanced around and Jungwoo decided to not look at him because it must be stressful for a teen to have so many older people’s eyes on him.

Jungwoo had never left the country. That a kid, so much younger than he, had lived all over the world was impressive – but also a little scary.

Then again, if his whole family moved with him, it was probably not as scary as it was to move on his own. After all, a family could significantly help to make a place a home.

“When we started to move, it was Chicago first and my parents kinda worried, I guess, so we adopted Johnny-Hyung, which was great,” Mark reached over and petted over Johnny’s head, how Jungwoo would in interaction with Hybrids, too. Johnny leaned down a little to make it easier for his small owner, and Jungwoo wanted to coo at the sight.

It was so heartwarming.

Nevermind his choice of language. They had adopted him, not bought.

Not like Rottweiler Hybrids were sold in stores, anyway, but he could have still found a place to pay some questionable breeder for this Hybrid.

“And me? It was great you got me, too, right?” Donghyuck whined and pressed himself against Mark’s other side. Mark groaned from the impact due to the Hybrids throwing himself at him.

“Debatable,” Mark grunted and Donghyuck cackled.

It was like spending lunch in the eye of the storm.

But, like the eye of the storm, it eventually passed and Jungwoo found himself back in rain and lightning crashing down all around him.

“Hyung?” Jungwoo tapped the desk next to where Taeil was leaned at a non-back-conserving angle over it.

“Hm?”

“You didn’t come up to eat. It’s almost one.”

Taeil nodded.

He wasn’t listening.

It was okay, he was worried, he was researching for his kid.

This once, Jungwoo could ignore it, he understood.

Only…

It wasn’t this once.

“I brought you Gimbap,” Jungwoo pushed the plate under Taeil’s hand, so he finally realised what he was doing.

Taeil startled back to reality and blinked up at Jungwoo. His eyes were a bit glassy and bloodshot and Jungwoo’s heart sunk.

He wanted to still be sure in his feelings.

He didn’t want to waver.

He wanted to feel something for Taeil.

Right now, there was only worry, no love, no affection, just worry and cold.

“Thanks, I stumble upon this paper to use in my article, guess I lost track of time.”

His article. Not Kun. His work for strangers all over the globe who didn’t need him to spend lunch with them, pet their ears, listen to their worries.

Jungwoo nodded.

“I watched Kun but he ate well.”

“Yeah… Taeyong said he always does. How’s the afternoon scheduled? I’d really like to read through this, do I still have time?”

Taeyong had to tell him because Taeil regularly skipped meals and didn’t see for himself.

“It’s full. It’s already Wednesdays and most are already back to work.”

“Right, okay, yeah, thanks, Jungwoo.”

He wanted to understand, he wanted to love Taeil for his hard-working nature.

Why couldn’t he feel anything even if he tried?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Donghyuck, Shorthair](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/4f/47/a1/4f47a1149e238318689266c5f00a65bb.jpg)   
[ Johnny, Rottweiler](https://www.animals-digital.de/fileadmin/Bilder_und_Fotos/Hunde/Hunderassen/Rottweiler/Rottweiler-3.jpg)   
[CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind comments under the last chapter, it really cheered me up and I needed a bit of encouragement <3

Jungwoo returned home to their big table unfolded on the floor and a pot on it, five women around it, laughing loudly and clinking metal bowls with Makkeoli against each other.

“Sweetie, come join us, we just started!” Joohyun called and waved excitedly, her face already pink like they might only now begin eating but alcohol had been flowing for longer.

Jungwoo was hungry and he had been planning for probably Kimchi fried rice so he wouldn’t turn the invitation down, however, he got a jug of water from the kitchen before he did sit with them.

“You look way too tense, decent male being!” Jennie announced. Jungwoo laughed and looked around the table, realising he didn’t know the other three.

So, Joohyun had found new friends?

How nice!

“Stress at work, the usual,” he picked up his chopsticks and helped himself to a large portion of noddles. They looked soaked and overcooked, how drunks would cook.

“Ohhhh, you’re the decent male being?” one of the women he didn’t know the name of asked, leaning past her friends to inspect him closer, “You’re cute, are you single?”

Jungwoo looked back at her in surprise. She was pretty, objectively speaking, with a bright smile and the flush on her cheeks letting her face look soft and radiant. Her confidence was admirable and he was sure she was a lovely person if she was deemed good enough to be invited here by Joohyun.

Surely, a wonderful person to call a girlfriend.

He just never felt anything for pretty girls.

He felt something for pretty guys, pretty, caring guys, who listened to him and cuddled their kids…

He pushed the thought away before he could feel emptiness in his chest where he should feel warmth.

“I’m not looking for anything right now,” doubt in his feelings or not, his heart was with someone else.

Someone he had to wait for a little longer. Someone he had to find more understanding for even if it was hard right now.

Nothing, worth having, came for free.

“Ouch, that stung. Still, nice to meet you, I’m Lisa and maybe a little tipsy,” she held out her hand and Jungwoo was tempted to tell her it wasn’t personal. It was just that she didn’t fit his preference because he was gay.

He didn’t feel confident enough to say it.

“I’m Rosé and the one who’ll have to get their drunk asses back,” the one right next to her introduced herself with a smile, “and this is Jisoo.”

Jisoo looked like she had definitely had too much rice wine already and Jungwoo pushed her bowl further away from her and the water glass he had refilled towards her.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Jungwoo, I’m Joohyun’s roommate.”

“Yesss and the only decent male being,” Jennie hollered, dropped a piece of pork, and struggled to pick it back up.

It was funny how people behaved when drunk. There was no danger for the girls here, they were with friends, so if they felt like it, it was the ideal setting to let loose a bit.

“Sweetie, you have to tell us what stresses you!” Joohyun insisted, her mother-hen side always coming out stronger when she had drunk a bit, “We’ll help you figure it out!”

Jungwoo laughed and considered it.

He didn’t have anything to lose and everything to gain.

“Okay,” all eyes turned to him, even Jisoo, who supported herself on Rosé. It was a bit nerve-wracking and Jungwoo wanted to make sure not to give away too much because it was still a medical condition they were struggling to find and Kun deserved privacy. But he also deserved to get better and they could only help him if they knew what they were dealing with, “do you know a condition where someone doesn’t show any symptoms, eats as normal, and seems overall healthy but loses weight?”

“Yep!” multiple voices said in unison and Jungwoo perked up, even though he knew not to expect too much from drunk girls.

“Sound like bulimia to me,” Joohyun softly explained because Jungwoo was the only one out of the loop of what seemed obvious to the women.

“Totally, that was easy, next question!” Lisa called.

Bulimia?

Jungwoo knew what that was, but it was so far off in his head, he had not once considered it.

How had they immediately come to that conclusion with so little information? Sure, it was just drunk girls…

“How did you get to that so quickly? And all of you?” Jungwoo looked around the five young women. Lisa tipped her Makkeoli back and held the bowl out for more.

“Through daily experience,” she announced.

Daily experience? Jungwoo had never once experienced bulimia in real life. Was his experience so different from theirs?

He tried to piece the information he had on it together in his head and fit it to Kun and their current situation.

Shit.

_Shit!_

How had he not once even spent a second thinking of that? Especially when it was so glaringly obvious how well the symptoms fit, that five drunk girls got it the conclusion he and Taeil had been searching for weeks for?

“Please, sweetie, if you weigh more then 50 kilograms as a woman, you’re considered fat,” Joohyun reached out to caress his arm.

“It’s a raging epidemic, just like depression and suicide of high schoolers with LGBT youth in particular,” Jisoo said, the first thing ever since Jungwoo sitting down, and then downed the water. It seemed to have been one of the moments of drunk epiphany.

“Okay, that got dark real quick.” Jennie picked up the white bottle and shook it, “Let’s drink more. Jungwoo, get yourself a bowl!”

Jungwoo shook his head, “I have to work tomorrow, I’d rather not be hungover on my last day.”

“Alrighty, ladies, bottoms up,”

“That’s now how you drink Makkeoli,” Rosé sighed but went unheard.

Jungwoo slurped his noodles and let their words echo in his head while happy chatter took over the table.

It made sense. Of course, it did. Eating disorders were much more common among women. Naturally, they knew more about them and would think of them quicker than he. They might even know people or have struggled with one themselves. Statistically speaking.

Still.

The feeling for guilt and failure was suddenly slamming in at full force.

Now, that he had the hint, it all fell into place.

Of course, Kun would hide that.

They should have thought of it.

Jungwoo groaned and rubbed his face. No, they couldn’t, neither of them were psychiatrists. It was impossible to know every illness out there and immediately think of every possibility.

_Still_.

Maybe, if Taeil hadn’t spent so much time away from his kids and had actually watched Kun…

No. Stop.

Jungwoo felt tears rise.

Why would he make such allegations? Why would he so unfairly blame Taeil, who had been beating himself up for weeks now?

What was wrong with him?

Why wasn’t deep affection and love the first thing he felt thinking of Taeil anymore?

He finished his soup and picked the bottle of rice wine up, filling it into his bowl, ignoring that it was gross, and downed it in one go, taking a second right after.

He didn’t want to feel the coldness. He didn’t want it.

“Come on, lover-boy, you have more on your heart, tell the nosy ladies everything,” Jennie heavily leaned against him, speaking of her state of intoxication.

“Jennie, stop stealing my man, he’s not interested,” Lisa complained, slurring her words.

Jungwoo chuckled.

The alcohol was already hitting. It wouldn’t be enough to have to worry, but just enough to forget a little.

Everything could wait until tomorrow.

Tomorrow, he could tell Taeil his assumption, he could try to figure everything out.

Tomorrow, he could try to argue away the coldness in his chest and fight his egoism in wanting to keep Taeil exactly how he had been when he had every right to change.

“Ew, I’m not interested in him either,” Jennie yelled and struggled to lean over the table to hit Lisa.

“I’m so sorry, Jungwoo, don’t listen to her, you’re gorgeous and it’s just Jennie’s all men are trash mindset in the way,” Lisa cackled.

Jungwoo definitely felt like trash.

He should drink more.

He couldn’t.

He had work tomorrow.

More and he’d be considerably hungover.

He picked up his water and started sipping it but it just didn’t help the same way.

What was he even doing?

He had said not to use toxic ways to fight his emotions anymore.

Yet, here we was. Because heartbreak was too painful to face sober.

“Men are trash and it’s just a question of time until you’ll all realise,” Jennie whined and chose Joohyun as her new pillow, who collapsed under her tall girlfriend. They stayed on the ground and giggled while Lisa found a new partner for her drunk rambling in Rosé.

Jungwoo tried to get lost in the celebrity gossip but he had never cared much about that.

He wasn’t in the mood to indulge in mindless topics even though he knew it could help him.

Instead, he stared at the wall while the party around him unfolded.

“I know!” Jisoo raised from where she had been almost knocked out of the table already, “We have to play never have I ever. I don’t know any of your bedstories and drunk mistakes yet,” she was slurring so badly Jungwoo doubted he’d still know them tomorrow even if she found anything out.

“Yes!” the others cheered.

Jungwoo was too lazy to move and it felt weirdly comfortable here, so, he raised his open hand when everyone else did. If no one sent him away, he might as well stay even if he was likely to lose this.

He should just distract himself, use this golden opportunity to think about a past that meant hardly anything to him anymore but would give him a disadvantage at a game that was there to expose what sober people were too shy to talk about openly.

Rosé took a huge swig from Jisoo’s Makkeolli before raising her hand as well.

She looked the calmest and most collected out of all of them. Silent waters were usually deep, Jungwoo was perfectly aware of that.

“I’ll go first, I’m currently in love!” she announced. Booing echoed from the table.

“We want the real tea!”

“Boriiiing!”

Jungwoo swallowed and put down a finger.

He _was_ in love. He could think of a million things he was in love for and that were just obscured by the recent issue.

That was what made him feel like this coldness was heartbreak and pain.

Wasn’t that normal? Weren’t relationships ups and downs? But how much down would be normal?

Jungwoo didn’t know he had never had a proper relationship.

Suddenly, he felt lonely even in the middle of the girls he had just been comfortable with.

It was ridiculous to miss Taeil when he was right there.

But he did.

“Let’s get some proper fun here, I’ve had a threesome before,” Lisa boomed. Jungwoo sighed and put another finger down.

“Holy shit, Jungwoo? Rosé?”

“What? It’s college, that’s what it’s for,” Rosé flushed pink and Jungwoo nodded absentmindedly. He was probably more intoxicated that he thought because it was hard to focus and he instead found himself fantasising about Taeil. First, just his sweet smiles that had been so terribly rare recently, then his intense stares, much rarer even normally, but completely absent for months now.

His voice when he got awkward or when he made a lame joke they both knew sucked but laughed over regardless.

His voice when he said Jungwoo’s name - excited, upset, angry, soft, breathless…

“I’ve touched someone else's boobs sexually before,” Jennie slammed a hand on the table. Joohyun had a hand on her arm and looked a little unsettled, but Rosé and Jisoo both put a finger down without batting an eyelash.

Jungwoo also did.

He had touched Joohyun’s boobs before, just as much as she had touched his dick, in a very much consented to sexual situation. It wasn’t absurd to do what all the adults preached and see if they really didn’t like it since it had seemed like the cure-all to their ‘problem’.

They could have saved their time. And he could have saved a finger down and a step closer to losing.

Joohyun was still flushed and hadn’t put a finger down. “I…I don’t know anything. Jungwoo, you go next,”

Jungwoo wrecked his brain. The goal was to let the others have all their points used up first and he was already in the lead.

“I’ve sat on someone’s face before.”

More gasping and giggling. Good for them.

Jisoo looked like she would pass out any moment now, but she managed to still stutter together the question if they owned toys.

Jungwoo was getting ready to face defeat with Rosé’s last question, but they were interrupted by the doorbell ringing.

He glanced at the clock. It was past nine in the evening already. Where time had gone, he wasn’t sure but he had had a moderately nice time, so it must have passed quicker than expected. Alcohol also always made it harder to judge reality correctly.

“I’ll get it,” Joohyun was much too drunk to answer the door and Jungwoo sobered up considerably on his way over. He wasn’t even having any balance issues. It was just this lack of focus and his emotions feeling stronger yet less painful, how they usually did when he had drunk. And, of course, his mind circling around Taeil.

But that had been a constant for years now, so he shouldn’t be surprised by it anymore.

The line cracked when he connected himself to the front door. Roaring laughter must have accompanied his ‘hello?’

_“J-Jungwoo?”_

Taeil!

What? Why? How?

“Hyung?”

_“I didn’t call. Is it bad? S-sorry._”

His voice was shaky, worsened through the wonky line.

“No!” Jungwoo pressed the buzzer and rushed back to the living room, where he drank two glasses of water in one go, which only Rosé noticed at this point.

“Sorry, I’ll have to ditch you, I’ve got a visitor,” Jungwoo explained and she nodded. Jisoo had her head on the table and looked like she was out cold while Jennie and Lisa were reenacting a battle scene from a drama and Joohyun tried to film – the result was likely going to be just blurs of colours.

Jungwoo hurried back to the door and opened to Taeil in front of it with his hand raised to knock. A scream came from the living room, followed by crashing sounds and laughter.

“I’m sorry, I’m probably interrupting and this is a really bad time?” he whispered, eyes shiny and full of unshed tears. Jungwoo wanted to hug him and hold him until they were dried. Especially since he was a little tipsy, it seemed like the only solution and the only reasonable thing to do in this very moment.

But he couldn’t.

“No, no, Joohyun has friends over, come in,” Taeil nodded and shuffled inside. He glanced into the messy living room before hiding from view, “I found out what it is. Kun, I mean,” he suddenly said without even taking his jacket off as if he planned to just leave right away.

Jungwoo’s heart sunk in his chest as he prepared to hear the words.

“Yuta said he had an inkling and caught him in the act… he eats but he throws up after so he doesn’t gain weight or… doesn’t keep it on,” Taeil stuttered, hands trembling, “He… he said he’s done it for a long time. Long before he came. I didn’t notice. I should have noticed, the signs were all right there and I was too dumb to put one and one together,” his voice broke into a sob and Jungwoo’s drunk brain decided he couldn’t hold back, so he wrapped his arms around Taeil and pulled him against his chest, feeling him shake with every breath he tried to take but ended up breaking into another sob.

“There were hardly any signs, Hyung,” Jungwoo whispered. That Kun had been struggling with this longer made sense now but Jungwoo refused to believe they had all had been too blind to see if there had been a way to notice earlier. Taeil checked all five of them every three months, Taeyong, Doyoung, and Kun spent a lot of time together every day and especially Taeyong was so perceptive, had there been clear indicators that would have given reason to worry, someone would have caught them.

There hadn’t been. Of course not, Kun was so conscious of not being a bother, of course, he wouldn’t say anything.

On the contrary.

Eating disorders often were about control. A Hybrid, who was barely even given a right to choose their clothes, developing something to have an illusion of control fit. It fit so well.

And it made even more sense to think he’d do everything to hide it, to keep the control because he must know as well as they did that, rationally, it wasn’t healthy and they’d stop him.

Because what he was doing now, for whatever reason after he had successfully made it indetectable for years, was risking his life – but he obviously wasn’t willing to stop or he would have asked for help.

He couldn’t.

Mental illness wasn’t rational, it couldn’t be argued away by saying ‘I’m fine now’.

“B-but there were. His teeth, for one, this explains why he had s-so many cavities. A-and his bad kidney function,” Taeil had grabbed the back of Jungwoo’s sweater and Jungwoo just held him as tightly as Taeil held him and decided not to point out that that was the exact opposite of a clear sign for anything other than years of neglect.

Of course, Taeil would immediately jump to the very last detail and see how it would be an issue.

This was Taeil.

This was the man Jungwoo loved and would wait for.

Even though he was crying and made Jungwoo feel like crying, too, he was so relieved that, as he held him and just waited for him to calm down, even as he worried and hurt for him, he felt all of this because he loved him. It filled him and radiated warmth even in the misery that was finding out what was troubling Kun.

“I… I’m so sorry I’m such a mess, I don’t even know anymore, Jungwoo. I feel like I l-lost all control of my life and I’m just spiralling in a n-never-ending loop of failure and I try to make it right by working more but I don’t end up figuring anything out, on the contrary.”

“Do you want to go to my room?” Jungwoo softly suggested because the entrance hall with music booming from the living room wasn’t the ideal setting for any of this.

Taeil nodded.

“Thank you. I d-don’t feel like I deserve any of this. I fucked up s-so badly,” he hickupped and took off his shoes and jacket, that Jungwoo hung up for him.

“You do deserve it, Hyung. You’re the first to extend it to everyone else, of course, you’re deserving of receiving forgiveness and support,” Jungwoo whispered and was right back to his side, putting a hand on Taeil’s back to reassure him.

Taeil weakly nodded and let Jungwoo manoeuvre him past the drunk crowd. No one paid them any mind, but Jungwoo was conscious to hide Taeil away to not let him be vulnerable in front of perfect strangers. He wouldn’t want that for him.

When they had arrived in his room, he was able to close the door and let the silence help him sort is own thoughts.

Taeil sat on his bed, sunk into himself like a tiny cloud of three days rain.

It would be best to sit far away – but Jungwoo couldn’t bear letting him sit alone with all the pressure and responsibility that was visibly wearing him down.

So, he sat down right next to Taeil, their thighs nearly touching.

“Maybe working more isn’t the solution then if it hasn’t been so far?” he softly suggested and Taeil made a noise like he knew that to be true but didn’t want to accept it.

Jungwoo reached over to where he stored his tissues and took one to hand to Taeil, waiting if he’d see where Jungwoo was coming from.

Would it be selfish to say it?

But Taeil had said he felt like he had lost control, like he had lost his way.

Jungwoo just wanted to remind him of the Taeil that he loved full-heartedly and never felt any coldness around and that, maybe, Taeil had never wanted to develop away from.

Jungwoo didn’t know how this worked. He had never been in a committed relationship for this long and even if it officially wasn’t one, it seemed like the hickups and worries he was now facing were the same as if he’d get to kiss Taeil and hold his hand whenever he wanted to.

He wanted to talk about things, he wanted to tell Taeil.

Because Taeil couldn’t read his mind and when Jungwoo had been a careless asshole, much worse than what Taeil was doing right now, he had been there and he had forgiven him.

“Hyung, I hate to see you hurt. When you hurt, so do I,” Jungwoo softly started. It was the truth, even if he was struggling to understand Taeil’s behaviour, it didn’t mean he didn’t suffer with him.

“These last weeks especially, it’s been hard for you. I know you have so much responsibility that I can hardly even imagine carrying but… I miss you, god, I miss you being around for lunch, I miss you being around for Sunday adventures, I miss you listening, I miss seeing you remind Taeyong that he’s handsome and Doyoung that he’s smart. I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to hinder your development, and I don’t want to guilt-trip you into changing ways you are sure of but… are you? Are you choosing work over your family on purpose? Are you choosing it over your kids… over… me?”

Immediately after saying it, Jungwoo wished he had not added the last part but it was too late now.

He shouldn’t put himself next to the kids but right with them. He wasn’t anything special, he was part of the family but he wasn’t anything else because Taeil had asked him to wait and he wanted to. It had been selfish to imply he was something he wasn’t just because he was scared of losing Taeil and of falling out of love.

But he had been selfish for a moment because he _was_ scared and he _wanted_ to be something special to Taeil.

Silence stretched on between them and Jungwoo glanced over at Taeil a few times but his head was hung so long he didn’t see his face, it was hidden behind his hair.

If it had been out of line, so be it, but at least he had been honest to the core.

A shaky, broken sob shattered the moment of insecurity and Jungwoo felt like someone had taken his heart and crushed it because while he had been the one to say this, he didn’t want Taeil to hurt, he didn’t want Taeil to feel lost, he didn’t want Taeil to realise he might have gone wrong anywhere.

“How… I… no,” Taeil curled in on himself and Jungwoo wrapped his arms around him again, holding him while Taeil shook with every breath he took, feeling like it was all too much and like it was crushing him, how Jungwoo had feared it would for the last weeks.

It wasn’t easy to look at yourself and realise you weren’t the person you wanted to be. Jungwoo knew it wasn’t.

But if there were kids you had responsibility for and an office you were running, it had to be even harder.

“I just- I just want to make it work! I don’t want to s-send patients away, into their sure end, I don’t want to miss the chance to make my voice h-heard and change something in the bigger picture,” Taeil hickupped between sniffs, “but I don’t… I miss you, too and… and I just don’t know w-what to do?”

Jungwoo reached up and slowly carded his hands through Taeil’s hair, gently caressing his nape and shoulders.

He unsuccessfully wanted to hold back tears because this misery Taeil found himself in… it came purely from his will to be caring and selfless and Jungwoo had been misled into thinking it was selfishness.

Of course, it hadn’t been.

They had just failed to communicate.

For months.

Because they were both too set on trying to allow the other the freedom he deserved.

Now, they finally were and it felt like Jungwoo was falling for Taeil all over within just a few seconds, but that also made the hurt he felt for Taeil become even stronger. Jungwoo wished he could lift it all off of him because he loved him so much.

“Hyung, you have to cut back somewhere. I understand how hard it is but you’re expecting too much of yourself, there’s only one of you,” Jungwoo whispered, his voice shaky, “Please remember you’re only human and you can burn out like every other person even if you do what you love for the purest and most admirable reasons.”

Taeil nodded and sniffled again, straightening up as if he had found a solution, only to curl right back down like it had been to split himself in half and realising that wasn’t possible.

If only it was. If only a heart of gold could be passed on to anyone. If only everyone had one, to begin with.

But, as it was, Taeil was an exception to the rule. He was the only person Jungwoo both admired and saw the flaws of but loved all the more for it – now, that he understood where he had gone wrong in seeing and understanding Taeil’s flaws, even more than before.

“I know but-but I wish I couldn’t and I could do it all and help as many as I can?”

Jungwoo closed his eyes and felt another tear trail down his cheek.

Of course, he wanted to help.

Taeil was like this angel put into the world just to help people around him.

But an angel with a severe workaholic-tendency and an angel that could forget how to prioritise because there was so much misery out there it could seem more urgent than his personal life.

Jungwoo scooted over until he could properly hug him, his legs somewhat uncomfortably folded but he didn’t care when Taeil made a wet sniffling noise and leaned against him.

“Maybe you could cut back your papers by half? Or shorten your hours at the office just by one a day?” Jungwoo softly suggested.

Taeil slowly nodded, then, suddenly, he perked up so quickly he nearly hit his head against Jungwoo’s, eyes big and shiny but full of hope.

“Your residency! When is your application in Nagoya due?”

“12th of December,” Jungwoo carefully answered.

“Oh god, yes, no, a bit over a month and then in seven! I could maybe write less until then and then…” Taeil mumbled to himself, the gears in his head turning too quickly for Jungwoo to follow.

What about his residency?

What about the dreadful, long year away from home?

Away from Taeil, who was right in his arms now but always by his side, and whom he loved so much their mutual decisiveness to be selfless had already caused him weeks of heartbreak and upset.

What about this residency that he didn’t and did want to do at the same time?

Taeil turned his head so he could somewhat look at Jungwoo where they were intertwined on the bed without having to move away.

“Jungwoo, do you want to do your residency at my office?”

The clock on Jungwoo’s wall ticked and he could hear Taeil breathe, he could feel him, feel his chest rise and fall where it was right against his as he was holding him tightly, never wanting to let go.

Where tears from sadness and pain had been in his eyes, he suddenly felt them from…

Relief, hope, joy, happiness.

Everything all in one.

“Seriously?”

He heard his own voice as just a whisper.

“Yes. I mean, only if you want?” Taeil nibbled on his lower lip as if it was actually a question.

But he didn’t know. Because Jungwoo hadn't wanted to burden him too much with it.

He didn’t know the year in Japan had been scaring Jungwoo at best, made him want to sob in anxiety at worst.

They were progressive but they weren’t _Taeil_.

There was _no one_ out there like him, there was no office like Heaven, at least none Jungwoo knew of or could do his residency at.

Between the tumble of emotions, of this heartbreak he had been struggling with for weeks and months now, the devastation yet relief over knowing what it was that was troubling Kun, the hurt he felt for Taeil hurting, and now this offer he wouldn’t have dared dream of because they had both already decided it wouldn’t work out, he didn’t even know what to say.

Jungwoo just hadn't even picked the thought back up because coming to terms with the seemingly inevitable took all his strength and if there was even a bit of hope he could escape it, it would make it nearly impossible to find good in the option of leaving for a year.

Now, he wouldn’t have to?

Now, he could work at the place he loved, with the man he loved, and stay with his family? With his friends?

“Oh god, don’t feel pressured, I ju-umph.”

He had grabbed Taeil’s face and kissed him, not letting him finish his sentence.

He knew he shouldn’t.

But how could he not?

It was hard to hold back normally, right now, with a bit of alcohol in his system and with this wave of emotions just ebbing off, it was impossible.

It took a second, then, Taeil kissed him back, just as desperate and just as uncaring of all the reasons why they had said they’d not do this anymore until the wait would be over.

“Yes, oh, Taeil, I want nothing more in the world,” Jungwoo didn’t specify but he meant both – the residency and Taeil – not as his Hyung or as his boss or anything of that. Just Taeil.

And from how Taeil kissed him again and didn’t point out that he had left out the ‘Hyung’, Jungwoo knew so did he.

Just for this moment, he wanted to do all the things he always longed for. Just for this moment, he wanted to reconfirm that he loved Taeil and they had just both been a little lost but his feelings were now even stronger than they had been before.

Just for this moment, Taeil seemed to forget about his million worries and inhibitions and clung to Jungwoo’s arms, opening to his tongue and kissing back and letting Jungwoo know that it was the same for him.

In an hour or two, they’d both have to go back to reality where there was a Hybrid to take care of and four others that deserved cuddles to make up for weeks of missed ones. In an hour or two, Taeil would have to go back to being Doctor Moon and Jungwoo would have to go back to being student Jungwoo, both of them carrying their respective responsibilities.

Right now, right here, it was just Taeil and Jungwoo, no Doctor title, no Hyung, no responsibilities and fears, just two people in love.

There was nothing else on Jungwoo’s mind than feeling Taeil move against him and hearing him gasp for air in an effort to keep his voice down.

He didn’t care there was a room full of drunk girls next door, he just wanted to touch him, make him writhe underneath him and pull on the sheet, know that this was happening, know that he was his, just for an hour or two.

If Taeil was making him wait, then Jungwoo would at least try to make him remember what it was, that he was depriving himself of. Since he would have to wait, he would at least try to make this moment the best that he could, committing Taeil’s pink cheeks and lips, the breathless whispers of his name, and every last centimetre of milky skin and shaking muscle to memory.

Beautiful, Taeil was absolutely beautiful and Jungwoo knew he was probably a lost cause but he didn’t care if he might be.

Next time he doubted his feelings, he’d have this to remember, this feeling of having overcome the struggle and being even deeper in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	25. Chapter 25

Taeil’s hair was like a black halo around his head and Jungwoo kept staring at him until he was back among the living and stirred.

He braced himself for the inevitable apology.

But it didn’t come.

“Thank you,” Taeil pulled him down and kissed him, just a small peck, but it was more than Jungwoo would have ever dared hope for, “For everything, I… yeah. Thank you. I’m sorry for being around so little. I don’t want to choose strangers over you,” he whispered.

“Okay,” was all Jungwoo managed, suddenly choked up and nervous. It was just a small sentence, but it carried more weight and felt more intimate than the sex they had just had.

Words holding so much emotion and meaning hadn't happened in a while. To have it back made Jungwoo’s face burn and his heart thunder as if he was freshly in love, still overwhelmed by how much of a force it was.

It was good to know it was back.

It was good to know Jungwoo should have just communicated.

Next time, he wouldn’t be such a fool and mope for months but just speak up. It seemed like finding the difference between being selfish and speaking up for themselves when it came to this was something they both still had to figure out.

“I’m sorry I’m making you wait. But you realise it’s a really bad look to sleep with your employee and mentee?” Taeil finally said and Jungwoo sighed deeply.

“Yeah. I know. I understand. It doesn’t change anything for me, though.”

Taeil played with the blanket around his shoulders and glanced up.

“It won’t for me. Just… two years? Not just for me but also because I have the kids and then it’d suddenly be someone important to me they’d see differently, too. I’d want them to see a good and healthy relationship without any explanations of why and how it couldn’t work like that for everyone?”

“You realise they’ve been making not subtle hints that they want us to date for years now?”

“Don’t be silly, they wouldn’t. They don’t know a thing, we’ve kept it secret,” Taeil waved him off and Jungwoo just raised his eyebrows.

“I’ll remind you when we get caught under the mistletoe again.”

Taeil stared ahead of himself blankly for a couple of beats, then shook his head.

When Jungwoo came upstairs for lunch the next day, he wasn’t sure what to expect.

Taeil had gone home late last night, how he always did because Yuta would wait for him to return even if he said he shouldn’t.

Jungwoo had come into work expecting a comment or something but there had been neither, Yuta had just hugged him and let Jungwoo drag him around the office because he was unwilling to let go until there was work to do.

Jaehyun hadn’t looked as unsettled but he also was coming from a different point of view and different experiences.

It wasn’t the same and it was good it wasn’t, there was nothing wrong with Jaehyun not taking it to heart how Yuta did.

There was neither a huge positive change nor a huge negative one.

The biggest would be Kun, instead of smiling and just silently being in the background, now clinging to Taeyong and hardly even looking up when Jungwoo greeted them. His eyes were puffy and red and Jungwoo’s heart broke a little but he knew there was nothing he could contribute that would be of any real help right now.

It was far outside his level of expertise and Taeil had said he, too, would have to talk to the therapist he was currently still looking for.

As for right now, the only condition Kun was under was not to be alone so he couldn’t hurt himself by throwing up.

It also meant he ate next to nothing for lunch but no one forced him when no one knew if that’d be beneficial. At least he’d get more vitamins and nutrients if he at little a bit but kept it in.

“He thinks he’s a burden and will have to leave,” Taeyong softly explained when Jungwoo took a freshly washed bowl from him to dry.

“Oh no,” Jungwoo couldn’t stop himself from glancing into the living room where a cuddle pile was fighting post-lunch-lethargy by power-napping. Taeil was trapped under Doyoung and with a hand in Kun’s hair, the cat using Doyoung as his barrier but looking just as fast asleep as the bunny.

“He’s… He’s really been through so much. He told me a little, last night after it all went down and Taeil-Hyung had left. I don’t know if he believed me when I said there was no way Taeil-Hyung would kick him out and that the therapy office isn’t a scary place at all but really helps. I just… I want him to be happy how I am and I want him to trust Taeil-Hyung because he’s the best,” Taeyong splashed the water in frustration before unplugging the sink and letting it drain.

“He’s letting him pet him now, isn’t that good?” Jungwoo carefully asked and looked to where the orange and black hair got messier by the second.

“Yes. Yes, it’s very good. Like I said, Taeil-Hyung is the best he just… he understands. Everything. And if he doesn’t, he listens and immediately respects and changes it. I guess it was just a lot for him last night, which was why he had to go for a walk and air his brain out. Because he had to understand and now he does and it’ll all be okay. Right? It will be, won’t it?” Taeyong blinked his stark green eyes at Jungwoo.

He reached out and gently stroked over his head, scratching behind his ears until Taeyong sighed and started purring softly.

Jungwoo couldn’t make promises, not on someone else’s behalf, not on something out of his hands.

“I can tell you that he will try everything in his power to make it because he loves you guys more than anything in the world.”

Taeyong nodded and pushed Jungwoo to sit on a kitchen chair. He settled on the ground in front of Jungwoo and laid his head on his thigh. Only the sound of his purr, the fridge softly humming, and the clock ticking interrupted the silence of the kitchen.

“You know Taeil-Hyung’s the best but you’re also really good, right?” Taeyong suddenly spoke when Jungwoo had thought he had dozed off.

“I try,” Jungwoo indulged in how silky and soft the fur on Taeyong’s ears was, even softer than his hair.

“Hm. You’re doing well. I just wanted to let you know.”

“Thank you, hearing that from you really means a lot to me,” Taeyong shuffled around a bit until he had his tail wrapped around Jungwoo’s feet where it was curled into a happy cone.

“I just… you know Taeil-Hyung doesn’t have anyone. Well. He does, but… no one who’s also the Hyung. I was really worried when he left last night but he came back well, Yuta said, and he said in the morning that he felt like he had made mistakes in the past months and wanted to be more involved because it had been brought to his attention that he’s been focussing too much on his work and he didn’t mean to neglect us and he loves us and if we could forgive him and, of course, we could.

“And I thought it had been Doyoung telling him to maybe come have lunch and dinner more because he hasn’t, or cut back on Sundays because we missed him, but he said he hadn’t and neither had Yuta or Jaehyun, least of all Kun, so… you told him, right?” Taeyong glanced up again and Jungwoo looked away.

“Yes, we talked.”

Taeyong nodded softly.

“And you remembered us and… yeah, I just wanted to tell you that it doesn’t go unnoticed that you’re not trying to steal him away when you have every right to want him for yourself and… well, we all really like you because you like us and respect us how Taeil-Hyung does.”

Jungwoo was a little teary-eyed because he hadn’t even done this on purpose or to impress anyone.

He had genuinely been a good person?

“You deserve nothing else. No one has the right to steal Taeil-Hyung away from you.”

“Mm. Yeah, maybe not. Still. I could see how you’d want the person you like just for yourself.”

Jungwoo decided not to comment on that and just recalled Taeil being so adorably convinced his kids had no clue when they both weren’t trying hard enough to make a secret of what maybe should be one.

He just petted Taeyong until he actually fell asleep and Jungwoo had to carry him to the sofa to replace Taeil when their break was over, leaving the three to rest and recover from what must have been a tough day for them – each in their own ways because each of them had a different role, a different past, and a different personality.

Jungwoo found himself glancing back to them and wonder how anyone could not see what he did. That these were such wonderful and interesting beings, that deserved much more than they got – because they weren’t like humans.

Maybe, just maybe, humans oppressed them so much because not only their senses were better, but so were their hearts. The instincts, that were used to argue their sentience away with, added something humans lacked.

Or Jungwoo was starting to think like an over-proud parent.

Joohyun hadn’t been up when Jungwoo had left early in the morning, the party last night having taken a whole lot longer after Taeil had disappeared just as sneakily as he had come, passing the Karaoke session in the living room with little trouble.

When he came back, she was on the sofa in her hangover-clothing, a book in her lap and a notepad on top, complicated formulas all over it.

“Hey, darling. Are you doing better? How’s the head?”

She looked up and pushed book and notepad away, patting the sofa and Jungwoo decided to not change right away but instead sit down next to her in his work clothes.

“Not that great, everything’s looking a bit wonky.”

“That might be the many letters you lost in there, though,” Jungwoo joked and she chuckled.

“Maybe. I’m sorry I have to ask but it’s kind of blurry – did you have fun? In my head, it was great and you had the time of your life but I was kinda drunk then it always seems like everyone who isn’t actively crying must be in a brilliant mood,” Joohyun pulled her legs up and turned herself into a tiny ball of messy bun and old joggers.

“I did have fun, all the non-fun wasn’t related to you. I like your guests, where did you meet them?”

Joohyun chuckled and Jungwoo decided to pull the belt from his trousers because it was uncomfortable but standing up really was too much work right now. It snapped when it came free and he started to roll it up around his hand.

“That’s a funny story because it wasn’t me who met them. It’s just another example of the world really being a small place. You know Jennie used to live in Australia before her parents separated?”

Jungwoo hummed. He had heard of it, it was the thing that came up because it was kind of exotic.

“Well, Rosé is from there, native and all. They went to high school together. She met her when she visited her father last summer and then found out that Rosé decided to study Korean language and literature to connect to her roots. Now, Rosé is doing her year abroad, this and next semester, and they met up. That’s how I got to meet her. Lisa studies the same as Rosé, which is how they know each other, and Jisoo is their Korean buddy. It’s a system they do so the exchange students can find their way around Seoul easier and also have someone to practice the language with.”

Jungwoo chuckled, “That’s really cute,” giving them a buddy felt like a very thoughtful thing to do. After all, suddenly being away from your home and family, in a foreign country, was already quite a culture shock.

A culture shock he’d be spared.

His heart did a flip in his chest.

“It’s really such a coincidence that they’d meet again across the ocean. How nice they were able to revive their friendship.”

“Yeah, I agree,” Joohyun nudged him with her socked foot and they both knew they, too, had revived their friendship even though it had never been broken how Jennie and Rosé’s had been by distance splitting them apart. People were unique – and so were friendships, after all, “Well, if they hadn't met back home last summer, they probably wouldn’t because Rosé and the others got to Ewha’s,” Joohyun nibbled on his lip and glanced at Jungwoo, “I think… I think they kinda know. You know?”

“No?” Jungwoo wasn’t sure what she was trying to tell him.

“Well, uh, because of Taeil-sshi. I did turn on music but it was sort of suspicious? Lisa said she always had bad luck, all good guys were taken or gay or both. So, I think… I don’t think they took it badly, but I wanted to warn you.”

Jungwoo felt just a tiny little bit nervous. It was just lingering and that was fine.

He wasn’t going to pay it attention.

He was fine, he was who he was and he wasn’t trying to hide at all costs anymore. If someone noticed and put the pieces together – okay.

“It’s fine. I was tempted to just tell her when she asked but I didn’t quite dare. Maybe next time, I can tell her?”

Joohyun stared at him, looking like there were gears in her head turning, then slowly nodded, “I-I mean, yeah. Sure. Uh. If she’s fine with it, maybe I could tell her, too?”

Jungwoo smiled and nodded, “It feels better not to hide, right?” He remembered Joohyun not putting down her finger at ‘never have I ever’.

“It does, even if it’s a super dumb game,” she muttered, apparently remembering the same thing, “By the way, you would have lost, the next question was about sleeping with people you don’t know the name of,” she giggled and Jungwoo felt his face flush.

“I always lose if I don’t lie.”

“Brought that upon yourself.”

His thoughts went back to last night, to Taeil flushed and moaning underneath him, how much he had wanted to make him forget his own name in pleasure.

He was glad he knew what it was like to just see it as a physical need because it now made it even more special and precious.

He was glad he had gotten to practice when it hadn’t meant much to him because, now, he had these skills and while he didn’t think it was strictly necessary to be good at anything when starting off, it was just… incomparable to see the effect just a twist of a hand well placed could have.

“True but I still want to complain. You know, uh, there’s actually some news related to Taeil-Hyung.” Jungwoo didn’t have any paperwork yet, he knew Taeil would have to apply at a million places and get equally as many approvals within a month.

He knew he still had to send his application to Nagoya – just in case.

Maybe it was blind and dumb optimism, but for Jungwoo, it was already set in stone this was how it would work out.

It just had to!

“Did he decide to let you off the hook?” Joohyun asked, looking more hopeful for Jungwoo’s waiting period to be cut short than he himself was.

“No, unfortunately, he didn’t. But I’m sure he’ll at least be very regretful he’s missing out,” Joohyun raised an eyebrow and Jungwoo knew it was low to boast but he just couldn’t hold back, “Actually, he asked me if I’d be interested in doing my residency at his,” Jungwoo heard his own voice get pitched with his excitement like a child, but he couldn’t help it. He was so excited and happy!

Joohyun had been the main recipient of his worries and fear involving this part of his life and she uncurled and gasped, slapping her hands over her mouth to muffle a small scream.

“No! Really?”

“Yes!” Jungwoo found himself engulfed in a hug, not as suffocating as the ones he was used to from Heaven because Joohyun was just much smaller a person than even the shortest Hybrid, but it was warm and comfortable and Jungwoo felt himself grow even more excited than he already had been because Joohyun was excited for him.

“Oh, sweetie, these are such amazing news. Every time I thought of next summer, I grew so worried for you! Oh my, I feel the need to go thank Taeil-sshi all over. At this point, I might as well write him a letter even though I haven’t even officially met him.”

“Wait, what?”

“Hm?”

“You haven’t met Taeil-Hyung?” Jungwoo pulled away and stared at Joohyun, trying to make sense of it, but she had been right. She hadn’t officially, there had only been glimpses.

“Well, there wasn’t much of a chance, was there? Don’t worry about it, I didn’t mean to guilt-trip you into introducing me.”

“Well, yeah, no, but I want to! I need you do approve of my… well, whatever he is.”

Joohyun hummed, “You do know that the bar to meet is very high, don’t you?”

“You don’t seriously think he wouldn’t meet it and have comfortable room to spare?” Jungwoo snorted. Joohyun patted his cheek and settled back into the sofa.

“We shall see how it looks without heart-shaped glasses.”

Taeil cutting back on hours wasn’t something he could just put into action from one day to another because he had so many responsibilities to meet.

On top, he was now also getting Heaven certified as a training office.

That, at least, Jungwoo could do the lion share of because it didn’t require you to have a finished degree just moderately good googling-skills, a printer, and a lot of stamps to send requests and applications all over Seoul.

Not only Jungwoo supported him, Sooyoung, too, surfed the web to find all the necessary information after telling Jungwoo she very much supported getting their cute intern back for long-term.

She also said she was going to break his Solitaire record again.

Regardless of obligations, there was wiggling room and Taeil was trying to use it in favour of his own self and family. He was suddenly back for the Sunday activities, he looked like he had slept a little, he smiled beautifully, and he replied to texts the same day.

Between all of that, Taeil managed to find a therapist for Kun. A man working in the same office as the woman that had used to work with Taeyong and Yuta. It was a long story: She was a university acquaintance from Yonsei, that Taeil had made during orientation of the medical department. She had still been a student when Taeyong had started seeing her – but there had been no one else to go to. By now, she had graduated and started working in a bigger office, a collective of several young psychiatrists, all with one weird idea, or non-typical mindset, or another.

Why he had gotten chosen over her was his background: Doctor Zhang Yixing was from China and spoke Mandarin to Kun, which considerably helped the whole process.

With his help, they all were able to somewhat get an understanding of the situation, how to deal with it, and help.

Of course, Kun was the one working the hardest and it wasn’t easy. Every meal was a fight, sometimes an internal one, that Kun shut them out from, sometimes it was someone else having to talk him to at least get basic nutrients into himself. Some days, he was doing a lot better, some days it seemed worse than ever before and someone would pin him down on the sofa to force-cuddle.

There was always someone there for him and – finally – he accepted it.

That was what a family was for, so no one got left behind in darkness – even if there had been some mistakes made and some things overlooked, they were making it right now.

It had always been a slow process for Kun and it was fine, as long as they were moving forward, which, finally, Jungwoo was sure they were - without forgetting closed doors they had walked past without noticing they had to be opened to find a new source of light.

It was added to Taeil’s long list of mistakes he had made, where they had happened, why they had happened, and how he could avoid them in the future.

It was a Word document that Jungwoo had a copy of, every line burnt into his memory, starting from ‘thought bunnies didn’t have emotions, just experiences irrational reactions to their surroundings’, over ‘thought Doyoung would be sociable and not hit others with his books’, to ‘à mandatory therapy for all Hybrids even if it feels wrong, it’s not dictating their life or harming them but making sure they’re healthy just how getting blood-work done is’.

Once upon a time, Taeil had been apprehensive to tell him, an outsider, to keep his kids safe. Now, Jungwoo was the one by his side, part of the good and the bad moments, part of the family. Not as a kid but as a partner.

Not yet a lover, not yet a co-parent, but on his way.

By Christmas, Kun was almost back to his minimum-normal-weight.

Even better: his quarterly results had shot through the roof, starting from blood, over skin, to teeth. Now, that he was actually getting what he had been malnourished of, his body seemed to thank and forgive him by improving rapidly, undoing the damage that people had, directly and indirectly, done to him.

During the yearly Christmas-movie marathon, even Jungwoo got the honour of becoming his pillow, the constant purring against his legs, where Kun was lying, enough to make him tear up.

Christmas, or rather the 27th of December, was also the day that Jungwoo signed his contract over 12 months of training that’d give him all the credits for his studies in Hybrid medicine, including a length NDA and a salary that was just a little more than his scholarship right now.

It was also the last day he got to kiss Taeil and just because he had asked before he had signed.

From now on for at least 18 months, he’d stay away, he’d not forget, he’d not let himself go down that path.

And it’d be over in no time because he was doing it at the place he loved with the man he loved.

“Like, honestly, I said it before but I sometimes wonder if you quit smoking to do harder drugs now. You’re waiting to get together with this dude for how long?” Jennie shook her head in complete bafflement.

“Honey, look how cute he is, don’t be mean to my bestie,” Joohyun hooked her arm into Jungwoo’s.

It all felt really familiar and yet not at all. The last time this had happened felt like forever ago at this point.

“Okay…”

“He’s worth it, you’ll see, he’ll even pass all of your critical examinations,” Jungwoo grinned, an expression he hadn’t been able to drop all day.

It had started when he had woken to a video call from the breakfast table at Heaven, six people singing him happy birthday, over Joohyun lighting up a candle on the cake from Paris Baguette, his free day spent having lunch in Cheongdam, where Donghyuck and Johnny had gifted him a bottle of lavender body lotion with a self-crafted gift card ‘to the okay-est future resident at the best Hybrid clinic in Seoul’, and now to the evening, where he found himself headed to the best noodle place in all of Seoul to, for the first time, have a birthday dinner which included all the people important to him.

He wasn’t even nervous, he was sure there was nothing that could go wrong.

Which was usually where It went to shit, but this time, there actually was nothing that could.

He had made sure to tell them not to mention the cut ear, the price of a Bengalese Hybrid on the market, eczemas, or the expectations for cat and bunny Hybrids to end up as sex toys.

Just to be sure.

It would be fine.

“Either he’s literally heaven-sent at this point of he’s so drop-dead good in bed he should be the topic of ancient poems,” Jennie nudged his waist and Jungwoo shrugged.

“His office is called Heaven, so I guess there’s your answer.”

Joohyun sighed and said something about dad jokes but Jungwoo didn’t care, he kept grinning.

Their spot was comfortably tugged away into the corner, out of sight. The place was old and fit Anam and its simple charm, with low tables and an aunty you had to yell for to ever get food. But it was the best place and it was in his budget, he wasn’t ashamed to invite people here.

Jungwoo had to stand up and wave to get noticed when the small party of six, all bundled up in hats and scarf to fight February’s cold, came inside.

Joohyun straightened where she was next to Jennie. Jungwoo suddenly did feel a little nervous. He wanted this to go well. This was his found family and his best, best friend and her girlfriend.

This was important to him.

It got worse when some other guests glanced the direction of the many Hybrids waddling past to get to the corner, noisy greetings and enthusiastic hugs being exchanged.

At the same time, these hugs and greetings helped soothe him. He knew each of them was wonderful in their own way and he knew Joohyun would see that, too.

Yuta squeezed and wished him happy birthday even though he already had done so three times, “Birthdays are very special and it’s important to mention it as many times as you can while it still is your birthday,” he explained.

Joohyun already knew 50% of the people, Jennie at least 33%, so it was easy to seat Doyoung and Taeyong next to them and know it would be perfectly fine, only a small buzz of nerves as everything quieted down the other people’s attention returned to more important matters.

Jungwoo considered taking a spot next to Taeil but decided against it and chose the head end, Joohyun on one, Jaehyun on the other side over the corner.

“So, uh, well, these are Joohyun and Jennie. Joohyun and I are roommates and best friends. And these are Doyoung, Taeyong, Kun, Taeil-Hyung, Yuta, and Jaehyun,” Jungwoo nervously gestured around the table, “Any questions?”

“Yes!” Yuta raised his hand as if they were in school and Jungwoo startled from the sudden motion. Taeil gently put it back down for him while Joohyun glanced between the crowd of male beings she’d not normally associate with, “Is it okay to call you Noona?”

Jungwoo felt a relieved smile. He wasn’t sure why he had even worried, of course, there would an innocent question.

“Of course,” Joohyun smiled. Because she trusted his judgement that these were good people.

Taeyong leaned forward from where he was on the far end, “Me, too! Are you vegetarians?”

Joohyun looked confused, then glanced at Jungwoo and connected the dots.

“No, I like meat too much,” Jennie answered this time.

“Me, too,” Jaehyun sighed deeply, already invested in the menu, looking ready to order everything.

“Are the seafood noodles good then? Did you have them before? Because there’s so few people liking them at home we hardly ever have them and I really love mussels,” Taeyong’s eyes were sparkly in the restaurant lighting and Joohyun’s smile grew softer while Jennie explained the fine differences between the seafood, the mussel, the shrimp, and the surf’n’turf noodles to Taeyong who was so busy listening, he nearly pushed Doyoung out of the way.

It took a bit to sort all the orders out and to get the aunty’s attention, but eventually, there were side dishes on their table, water in their glasses, and Doyoung and Taeyong softly aguing in their corner.

“I feel like it’s been such a long time to finally meet you, Joohyun-sshi, but I’ve seen your face before, haven’t I?” Taeil smiled and Joohyun nodded.

“At Hongdae, a few years ago. I felt the same, I’m glad there’s a chance to meet now.”

“Let’s loosen up, people, Joohyun’s been dying to meet you, I’ve been dying to meet you, but Jungwoo sure kept you out of reach for us to finally get the chance to throughout embarrass him.” Jennie grinned widely.

“There’s embarrassing stories?” Yuta perked up.

“No!” Jungwoo gasped, oh god, what was happening?

“Well, I’m sorry, the tradition asks for this,” Jennie reached past her girlfriend and patted his arm.

“What tradition?” Joohyun shook her head, already knowing her girlfriend’s antics.

“I’m sure there are embarrassing moments in uni for everyone. I remember when I used the shortcut through the seminary room and was suddenly at the board, next to a professor holding a tax lecture there, asking if he could interest me in some income taxes and that I’d be welcome to stay,” Taeil’s eyes were far away as if he was reliving the entire moment.

Yuta was the first to laugh but the others chimed in, even Kun. It was wonderful to see and made Jungwoo giggle even harder than he would have. He was just… happy. So happy. And he knew the evening would go well, he could feel it.

Any awkwardness was broken, so the kids didn’t seem to bother holding back anymore.

“I don’t go to uni, but I once had an older lady accompanying a patient and asked her if the Hybrids was the nanny to her grandchildren… she had a daughter aged 6, I wanted the ground to open,” Yuta groaned and slammed his hands to his face while he kept laughing.

“Yes, I remember that, she looked like she was ready to call pest control on you,” Jaehyun gasped, tears in his eyes from joy now.

“I have a story, too. When we had our first Christmas tree, Taeil-Hyung still decorated it with tinsel and… urgh, it just screamed to be played with. Too bad the tree wasn’t rooted in the ground and fell over, burying me underneath it.” Taeyong’s laughter had this choked-off quality to it, that made it sound even funnier than it already would have.

Doyoung looked like he remembered that Christmas, and had probably picked a huge fight over it and declared Taeyong the most annoying person, from how he doubled over.

“Well, if we’re at it, I shall add my favourite embarrassing story of myself. All for you, decent male being,” Jennie motioned between her eyes and Jungwoo, who had forgotten all about this originally having been about Kim Jungwoo being a fool - Top 10 worst of. He calmed down a bit because he was perfectly aware Jennie didn’t just do this for anyone.

“Decent male being?” Jaeyhun interrupted his laughter and looked around the table, where a lot of male beings sat, in deep confusion.

“Oh, it’s just my nickname for Jungwoo. Let’s not go into that too deeply or the mood will be ruined and I was just swooning over more decency in male beings.”

Jungwoo couldn’t help smiling even wider as their noodles arrived and Jennie retold the time the curtain on her changing room had been ripped from a toddler outside of it playing with it, earning her new laughs.

He himself retold the unpleasant moment of having to do the anatomy surprise test using the teacher’s assistant as his puppet because the one made from plastic had been in use with another group of students.

It had been mortifying at the moment, to point around lower regions on the poor TA, but now he could look back and find it rather entertaining.

Joohyun went next, with the time she had made Kimchi for her grandmother’s birthday and used sugar instead of salt to marinate the cabbage – and somehow not noticed until her grandmother had spat it back out.

Doyoung reluctantly retold the time he had tried to explain the difference between the moon and other planets’ satellites and not realised they were the same thing. He had also been 12 so it kind of made up for that but Doyoung looked like it was crushing him to recall and Jungwoo appreciated it.

Jaehyun retold a trip to the convenience store and being 200 won short and thus never able to return there ever again for his shame was too big.

Kun said he wasn’t sure where to starts and Yuta immediately pulled him into a hug and assured everyone Kun was wonderful and had no reason to think any other way before swiftly changing to the topic to who had watched Sailor Moon.

“Do I look like a heathen? I even dressed as Sailor Venus for Halloween!” Jennie squeaked in excitement. 

“Sailor Venus? Was she your favourite then?” Yuta asked. Kun was still in his grasp, looking comfortable on his shoulder.

“Yes, she and her cat, Artemis, oh, he was so funny!”

“Mine was Sailor Uranus… she’s the coolest Senshi! Taeil-Hyung, your favourite is Sailor Uranus, too, right?”

“Well, yes, but it’s not a competition,” Taeil cut in because they had clearly been about to go down that road again, “I actually read the Mangaka was inspired by Hybrids in her portrayal of Artemis, Luna, and Diana. It wasn’t in the anime, but in the manga, they turn into people. Humans, though.”

“Yes, I like Diana because she’s cute and grey,” Taeyong beamed.

“Because your hair is grey?” Joohyun softly asked, as if unsure if it was okay to ask.

“Yes! We look the same and it’s just a fantasy world, anyway, so I can think of her as my representation,” Taeyong nodded.

“And she’s annoying, wow, it fits you so well, it’s like they put you into the anime,” Doyoung drily added.

“She’s not, you know who’s annoying? You are!” Taeyong huffed back.

Jungwoo turned to Taeil again, tuning the bickering out. It was always the same anyway – both Doyoung and Taeyong, according to the other, was the most annoying person on the entire planet.

“My favourite was Tuxedo Mask and he’s really lame now that I had time to think about him.”

“There’s this meme where he leaves, saying his job was done, and Usagi said he hadn't done anything,” Yuta giggled and Taeil couldn't hold back from laughing along.

“All that, when there were a million hot villains to choose from,” Joohyun patted his arm.

“Guess this is the embarrassment we were talking about?” Jungwoo sighed.

“Sorry, you brought that upon yourself,” Taeil chuckled.

Jungwoo wasn’t sure how the hours had just flown by, but the restaurant had emptied a lot when they realised it was time for Taeil to herd his kids home to get up nice and early tomorrow for a new day – with still too much work for just one of him, but not so much he’d be crushed.

Still being on break, the same didn’t apply for Jungwoo or Joohyun. Once Jennie had had to part, they strolled down the busy dark street with all the time in the world.

“So?” Jungwoo finally asked softly because his nervousness had made a return.

He wanted to know what Joohyun thought. In his opinion, it couldn’t have gone better. He was extremely happy to have exactly the meeting they had just had as the first one.

Personally happy or not, he still wanted her approval.

Joohyun smiled and looked up at him.

“Are you worried? Weren’t you so confident in him?”

“I am. But I also really want you to actually like him,” Jungwoo softly admitted.

“Thank you. For trusting my judgement,” she didn’t say it but Jungwoo knew. For trusting her _this time._

“I should always have. I’m sorry,” he whispered and looked down at the ground.

“It’s long forgiven and forgotten, sweetie. He was part of that process, and now I can see why. He seems to know exactly what to say without even having to try. Like a genuinely and purely good person. He didn’t only not fall for any easy traps to be an ass, he even used them to be kind. How he came to your defence immediately without being obnoxious about it was lovely to see. If I ever moved on the Kinsey scale, it’d be a man like him making me develop a boy-crush on them.”

“Hands off,” Jungwoo sniffled, but he was so happy to hear that, he was a bit choked up.

“I don’t want him, you dork. And I understand why you call them his kids now. It’s just weird because there’s too little age difference between him and the Hybrids but… I don’t know. It’s still a family, to me. How they react to him, how he immediately notices and already knows their quirks and how to contain them. It does feel like a family, a very chaotic but loving one.

“Nevermind how you look at each other,” Joohyun added softly and when Jungwoo looked at her, her expression was like she was watching a romantic movie.

“How?” Jungwoo felt his heart pick up a little, thinking back, but he had just behaved as he usually did.

“That you wouldn’t notice makes it even cuter. I don’t know how to explain it… just… anyone who watches and knows what to look for can see there’s something between you. Probably even someone who doesn’t know. It’s like.. an old married couple? That’s weird to say but it’s true.

“I was worried you were setting yourself up for doom with this endless waiting he asked you to do, that he just let you dangle to grow cold and give up because he would never actually return your feelings or consider a relationship seriously, but… I might have been wrong. Let’s hope I was.”

“It’s not long anymore. I’ve already done more than half of it,” Jungwoo whispered because, right now, it felt really hard to imagine having to wait for another year and a half.

“You have. Ah, is it too early to already get nostalgic walking up to our house?” Joohyun asked and hooked her arm into his.

“Probably, there are still four months left on the lease,” Jungwoo chuckled and pulled her tightly against his side.

Four months left with a roommate.

He wasn’t going to Japan, he was just going to face some empty living rooms in the evening and he had decided he wanted to be able to handle those.

Joohyun’s plans to move in with Jennie had already been finalised before Jungwoo’s had been re-shuffled.

Joohyun had asked if he needed her to change them because she was just that wunderful a best friend. He had slept over her question and said he didn’t. He was going to move as far to the river as he could afford, to shorten his way to work and to his family, and he was going to challenge himself.

Because nothing grew in comfort zones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol fml I googled and saw Seollal was 19th February in 2015 – let’s all pretend it wasn’t and this story didn’t self-deconstruct by my failure to google before writing.
> 
> Funny story, the tax lecture thing actually happened. Not to me, I’m taking the tax lecture, but a girl came through the door next to the blackboard and my professor asked her to stay and learn about tax balancing. He wasn’t mean about it, he’s really sweet, actually, but she was so flustered, poor her.
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> early chapter bc I felt like it ~

“Good morning, Mr Kim, our new trainee, it’s such a pleasure meeting you. I had a look at your CV and saw an internship at the best clinic in South Korea. And one a Seoul National,” Sooyoung grinned at him from behind the desk, her red lipstick looking vibrant as it always did when she wore it. It made her smile even brighter than it already was.

“Good morning, Mrs Park, what a kind welcome,” Jungwoo returned and she jumped off her chair.

“Okay, jokes aside, welcome back.”

Her hug was warm and genuine and Jungwoo found himself smiling widely.

He was back.

Apparently, they had agreed upon this because Yuta sauntered through the door, grinning mischievously, “Good morning, Mr Kim, my name is Yuta, I’m the vice head nurse, shall I give you a tour of the office?”

Jungwoo grabbed him and ruffled his hair, laughing.

“I’m not going to join this foolery, this is a professional clinic,” Taeil crossed his arms and Yuta pouted.

“You already have your pets running around, come on, Hyung, you’re so boring!”

“So be it then.” Taeil smiled and gave Jungwoo a pat on the back.

_He was back._

Taeil had said it was a professional clinic, but running one took a bit more than just the attitude and closing your eyes to a bit of chaos.

The first problem was treatment rooms. There was a nurse for both of them to help out with documentation and preparations, no problem, but they were a room short.

Normally, whoever was on lab duty would seat the next patient in a free room and Taeil would just move between the three of them, using the fourth, aka the lab, if there were extra procedures needed.

“Do you think we can’t take a bit of blood and juggle some patients? No problem,” Seulgi grinned and, with the other two nodding, that was taken care of.

It still failed a few times at first, but by July, Jungwoo was walking with either Yuta, Jaehyun, or Seulgi by his side without even having to wait a second for the re-shuffling of patients.

Next was patients who came to see Taeil first, Jungwoo second, or vice versa, or a wild mix of all.

It was the finer differences that they couldn’t agree on, that ground their gears and led to an occasional argument on the hallway. Such as whether ibuprofen or paracetamol was more appropriate to prescribe.

Yuta liked to call it the ‘Second best university in South Korea-arguments’.

He might be right.

But Jungwoo still wasn’t going to prescribe paracetamol just because Taeil hissed at him with his arms crossed.

Ibuprofen was better.

And KU the second-best uni.

Anyway.

Jungwoo had expected to have lots of free time between patients and, at first, he had had. Sooyoung had booked him with more time to spare and when there was a complicated case, she’d double book them so either Jungwoo could watch or Taeil could observe and cut in if needed.

However, with his own improvement and the steady growth in patient numbers not slowing down, the breaks to snack on nuts or cut vegetables with Jaehyun grew shorter and fewer.

Most importantly, there were three shifts that were Jungwoo-only events. At first, there had only been one because Sooyoung still had had to double book for so many procedures he was lacking in. By July, it became two, and by mid-August three: Tuesday afternoon, Wednesday morning, and Thursday afternoon. Taeil would stay in office #1, working on his papers but there to consult if Jungwoo needed him, Sooyoung would not give appointments to any complicated patients who came scheduled, and Jungwoo had two nurses to juggle anything, that might be thrown their direction, effortlessly.

Most of the time, it worked well.

Sometimes, it didn’t.

Then, Taeil would take over and Jungwoo would watch and take notes.

Whatever the situation, he always went home with a warm chest and happy heart.

He loved this job, he loved the people he got to work with, and he loved being around his family during lunch and after work every day.

Wangshimni wasn’t as student-filled as Anam and it was much more central in the heart of Seoul. Jungwoo still felt like he took the wrong stop every time he walked past the gates here. He still occasionally asked Joohyun something only to realise she wasn’t there. He hadn’t yet found a new favourite grocery store.

He had ridiculously many radio shows, he was a loyal listener to, and watched too many love-triangle dramas, he would have not had any interest in two years ago. He was fine with them now. They filled the silence, he could talk about them during lunch break, and, in his head, he could imagine a happy ending with a gay wedding between the two male leads and the female one maybe finding true love with someone else, who’d fit much better with her.

It didn’t really feel home even after he had decorated and hung up photos, including the one on the Cheongdam bridge over Han, taken in summer 2012 with Yuta and Jaehyun looking like they were babies because of how much they had grown up since.

Jungwoo thought he, too, looked pretty young in it. If he compared his face now… well, he had a bad case of baby-face that he’d probably be stuck with for life. His emotional growth and maturity still had let it mature at least a bit.

Despite all that, he had gotten a hold of his fears. The flat was empty, but he still returned there without hard feelings. He was alone, but he spent the time entertaining himself, studying for whatever had come up during the day or felt like it’d be relevant for his final exams, and handling household chores, how an adult had to.

There just was this occasional morning that felt weird and wrong.

Today was one of those.

Jungwoo thought he might have dreamt something especially ridiculous or upsetting but he couldn’t remember it, only the feeling of being through the weirdest shit lingered and made him cranky and unhappy with how his hair looked. Maybe he should go back to dying it? But then he’d have to get it constantly touched up and it was a hassle to take care of.

Deciding he was just being dramatic, but also feeling like this all was a weird form of foreshadowing, he left the house.

He might have really been overreacting because it was as normal as days in a clinic got.

Still.

All the way into the afternoon, Jungwoo had the odd feeling that something significant would happen today. Maybe it was just because he was on his own and that sometimes left him a little anxious.

He picked the slip of paper from the clip next to the door of room 2 to check the patient and owner name as well as the reason for their coming. It was standard procedure. Sooyoung wrote the slips and whoever was on duty for lab, and thus the task of seating patients, would hang them up as information for him or Taeil.

Waltzing into a room completely unprepared would call for some extremely embarrassing situations to happen. They wanted to neither offend patients nor owners here.

This one sounded like one to take a second to prepare mentally for.

_Jaemin, 15 y.o., rash, owner: Mrs Ok, looks not well cared for and got punished for being cranky _

Jungwoo felt his stomach clench.

So, that might have been the feeling he had had. Normally, these types of patients went right to Taeil, who knew how to handle them.

Taeil was writing, in room 1, there to step in if Jungwoo needed help but otherwise off for the afternoon to work on his paper.

“Well, I’m not confident with this,” Jungwoo softly said and Jaehyun frowned.

“You can do it, Hyung!” In theory, yes, he had watched enough times.

He just never had.

“Thanks,” Jungwoo pushed the handle down and tried to repeat the sentence three times in his head. If he believed it himself, others would believe it, too.

“Let go of me, I hate you!” was not what he expected to be greeted with, but the image that presented itself was rather… intense.

A woman, who had to be Mrs Ok, was holding a teenaged Hybrid by his wrists, the boy taller than her but unable to get free.

“Behave yourself, it’s an absolute nightmare with you,” she shook him where she had his hands crossed.

“Ah, excuse me, please refrain from physical punishment,” Jungwoo immediately cut in and stepped into the room, rushing over to where she and the Hybrid were. He wasn’t legally allowed to intervene with more than words, but those were usually enough. If not, at least the thought that he would do something was enough to sway stubborn owners.

He hated seeing people get hurt but had to contain his emotions, keep a professional façade, stop it, and then keep working.

She let go, but now, the Hybrid darted towards the door, past a surprised Jungwoo. With a second of warning, Jaehyun stepped into his way and grabbed him.

“Sorry. But you see that he’s just an overall catastrophe.” She pursed her lips and shook her head, watching Jaehyun hold onto the angry puppy.

“Let me go, I hate doctors, I’m fine!” he yelled but Jaehyun wasn’t only taller but also much stronger and didn’t let go.

“Don’t worry, Jungwoo-Hyung’s really nice and you’ll feel much better,” Jaehyun managed to press out while avoiding an elbow to the face.

Jungwoo was just a little overwhelmed, but he decided to leave the Hybrid to Jaehyun for a second, knowing it was always easier to access scared or emotional Hybrids when the one trying was also one.

“Is he yours?” Jungwoo asked and stepped over to the computer, moving the mouse to reveal the patient file on the screen, reading not much more helpful information than what had been on the paper – rather less because patients could also look at it and no assumptions would be added here.

“Yes, just for now,” she sighed deeply as if she got ready to rant about how she had ended up with the ‘catastrophe’ “My brother… he’s having these insane ideas. I told him from the start it wasn’t going to work but he was so set on his idea of using Hybrids for organ donation.”

Jungwoo slowly turned, feeling a little sick because of the conclusions he jumped to.

Jaemin had not calmed down but was still fighting against Jaehyun and complaining. Probably for a terrible, fair reason.

“Excuse me?”

“I know, insane, to think they’d risk a human life for such a silly experiment. Well, he didn’t want to listen and then he was stuck with ten mutts. I took this one because he looked the least ugly out of all of them but he’s disobedient and doesn’t listen whatsoever, as you can see. This is my daily life. It’s a nightmare.”

Jungwoo looked at Jaemin again, really looked, and noticed the worn-down clothing that hung off his skinny frame, the scratch marks all over his face, arms, and hands, where many small red spots, some scabbed from being scratched open, littered his skin. Like bites – mosquitoes or… well, bugs or fleas.

She had called him mutt and while the word made Jungwoo’s hair stick on end, he realised she might not have strictly meant it as an insult. Jaemin had a set of asymmetric ears – one floppy, one sticking up, and heterochromia, a blue and a brown eye.

He was unique – but he wasn’t in any breed’s ideal standards for the perfect Hybrid.

“He wanted to sacrifice ten children for his experiment?” Jungwoo asked because he didn’t want to believe it.

“No. He wanted to try on one person first, not necessarily a child. Whatever, it was idiotic, I know.”

“Oh, no, you said he had ten Hybrids? I assume all aged around 14? And he would just murder them?” Jungwoo looked up at her.

“Don’t give me that. I know people always claim animal testing is bad but medicine benefits so much from it. You, as a doctor, must know more than me how important it is to ensure the safety of medications.”

Jungwoo stared at the computer screen for a moment to try and order his thoughts.

What the fuck?

No wonder the poor boy wanted to run away.

“What was the reason you came?” he asked because he didn’t even know where to start and he also wanted that Jaemin did get treatment. If she took him and left because Jungwoo asked if she even had a heart, he wouldn’t be able to stop her. It was her legal right to do whatever she wanted with Jaemin, on the contrary, she could even sue Jungwoo if he tried to go against her word on ‘her property’.

The fact that there was a total of two mixes in the entire patient-stock of the office spoke of how rare they were – they were next to non-existent because of how money-driven the industry was. Not like many Hybrids would even be given the chance to get pregnant by their own choice, but such ‘accidents’ were usually taken care of without much second thought.

Jungwoo did not want to know Jaemin anywhere, where narcotics were a nice and quick way to get rid of an annoying pet without any value due to a missing pedigree.

“I don’t know, he’s had this rash and my daughter said he needed to go see a doctor.”

“Right,” thank god for whoever her daughter was.

Jungwoo slowly walked back to the door, where Jaehyun was still holding their patient. Jaemin glared up at him furiously. This was a situation he was moderately well accustomed to – with toddlers who were scared of the doctor for no reason other than being toddlers.

He swallowed. He could do this.

“Hi, I’m Jungwoo.”

“Don’t care, go away,” Jaemin kicked his direction but failed miserably at aiming.

“You came because you had a skin irritation? From what I’ve seen, it looks like it’s itchy, isn’t it?”

“Yes, so?” Jaemin snarled back but he was giving Jungwoo the information he needed. He could work with that.

“Well, hopefully, I can find the reason for it and we can get rid of it. Having an itch is pretty annoying, isn’t it?”

“You can’t have my liver, I still need that!” Jaemin hissed and Jungwoo wanted turn around and demand the name and address of whatever monster had kept Jaemin as his sick experiment.

He didn’t.

“Of course, you do. I don’t think your liver is at all at fault for whatever is itching, it will be completely uninvolved in the entire process. I’d like to look at your skin to inspect the red marks, so I can conclude where they come from. I’d also like to have a look at the parts you scratched open, so I can make sure nothing’s infected and clean it out if necessary. I’d also like to weigh you, look into your moth to check your teeth and throat, into your ears to look at your eardrums, and listen to your heart and lungs, just so I can make sure I’m not missing anything.”

“But you can’t have my lungs,” Jaemin still looked suspicious but he had stopped struggling to listen.

“Of course not, you need your lungs to breathe and supply oxygen to your body. I have my own,” Jungwoo smiled and Jaemin reluctantly nodded, eyes still narrowed. Jaehyun let go on him. Jaemin crossed his arms and slowly crept over to the patient bed.

He seemed hostile, but he wasn’t as stubborn as he could be. He must have made terrible experiences, but he hadn’t been broken to the point of having lost all faith.

If he kept being mistreated, he could. He was in a situation where that was something Jungwoo very much worried might happen.

He could focus on the immediate issue at hand, which was some sort of bites, first, and then on these bigger, much harder to solve ones.

Jungwoo didn’t want to let this boy return anywhere, where he was treated like this and where he had to fear for his life, without doing _everything_ in his power to change his living situation.

No one deserved that.

“Could you hold your arms out a bit?” Jungwoo asked and Jaemin thrust them his direction. He probably thought his glare was scary. Jungwoo wouldn’t make fun of it, but it was rather adorable. The different ears added to that look.

It wasn’t just that he firmly believed no one deserved the treatment Jaemin must be going through, but he had probably already grown a soft spot for him.

As a mix, he didn’t fit the norm – just like Jungwoo didn’t by being gay.

Maybe it was a dumb comparison, but he couldn’t help how it was in his head, making him feel soft for the puppy.

“I need to touch you, just as a warning,” Jungwoo explained and let the words click with Jaemin for a second before actually reaching out and running a hand over his left arm. The marks were much too flat and red to be mosquito bites. More than one bite right next to each other meant it wasn’t bedbugs either.

Jungwoo felt a phantom itch as he scanned Jaemin’s entire upper body, then legs, and concluded it had to be fleas.

It all just fell into place with Jaemin looking like no one ever took the time to pet him, encourage him, or even feed him. He was skinny, not as skinny as Kun had been, but enough to worry. He was dirty – again, not as badly as Kun had, but enough to worry.

“This spot is the worst, right?” Jungwoo softly asked and carefully ran a hand over the severely scabbed marks on Jaemin’s waist. They didn’t look infected, but he’d put on a salve and plaster just to ensure they wouldn’t in the future.

“Yeah,” Jaemin muttered. He didn’t truly hate doctors, he didn’t even properly fight back as if he had been through hell and back, thank god. He didn’t seem like the type of person to truly hate anyone. Yet. It was just bitterness that he, rightfully, felt. Bitterness, Jungwoo didn’t want to grow worse, grow into actual hatred.

“I’d like to take care of that because if you’re unlucky, it could get inflamed and hurt even worse. Nevermind it can scar if you don’t let the skin heal. Let’s have you step on the scale, put a few plasters on, and then you can re-dress for the rest?” Jungwoo suggested and Jaemin let him explain the functions of the scale before doing as asked.

Jungwoo didn’t turn his attention back to his owner until he was done, had noted Jaemin was well into underweight, had good teeth overall but with questionable discolourations, like he hadn't been brushing for the last half-year but always done so before, and needed both a hair-wash and a hair-cut desperately.

“Do you want eat-pets?” Jungwoo asked when he was finished looking into them. He always offered them. Not all patients wanted them, but most did, and he was happy to provide them.

“No!” Jaemin hissed and glared up.

“Alright. I’m finished. You can stay here or sit on a chair, whatever you prefer,” Jungwoo moved to where Jaehyun was on the computer, documenting whatever he had told him to during his examination.

Jungwoo had never had this talk, but he had been around when Taeil had had it, so, he had a rough understanding of what was to come, what he might have to face and which arguments to expect.

He was nervous, yes, but his sense of justice was much stronger, all the evidence for the clear neglect Jaemin was being put through only strengthened it.

Jaemin was absentmindedly playing with the hair on his tail, pushing it around to make it into a pattern because it was too short to do anything else with.

Jungwoo couldn’t bear seeing him return without at least knocking some sense into his owner.

“Mrs Ok, I’m sorry I have to be this straightforward, but do you actually take care of Jaemin? He’s underweight, his personal hygiene is lacking a lot, and his clothes neither fit him nor are mended. Those are all signs of serious neglect. You are the one responsible for him, it’s on you to ensure all his needs are met. He’s a child, after all.”

His voice came out as calm but serious, exactly how he wanted it to, and Jungwoo was relieved to have said the worst already.

She rolled her eyes and he tried hard to keep his cool and not grow angry over that reaction.

“He’s 15 but if you have a place I can get rid of him, please. I know you don’t, though. I tried. Look at him, no shop would ever sell an accident like that.”

Jungwoo clenched his teeth and took a deep breath.

An _accident_?

Like _that_?

How could she speak of him like that when he was clearly just a boy underneath a lot of bad experiences?

“The shops are dumb anyway,” Jaemin snarled from where he sat.

“The shops have a reputation to lose,” Mrs Ok shot back and Jungwoo saw her fingers tighten into fists.

Jungwoo glanced over and saw Jaemin angrily ripping the paper guard that was pulled over the bed to keep it clean, shredding it into tiny pieces.

He didn’t think she hit him, he had absolutely no marks but… there were ways to avoid them.

His stomach turned. It was all just a lot. All the ways in which he could be hurt but he was stuck in there because she owned him legally, excepted…

Wait.

She had said she wanted to get rid of him.

“I cannot even fathom how you’d call a person an accident, the cruelty of that just beats me.” Jungwoo couldn’t help the edge that bled into his voice, “Regarding your failure to care for him, I do have a possible solution in mind, please wait a second.”

Jungwoo looked at Jaehyun for confirmation, but from how Jaehyun looked back at him with big, pleading eyes, he knew that Jaehyun had already jumped to the same conclusion Jungwoo had.

Of course, he had.

It was his owner, after all.

He checked if Jaemin would bolt the second he opened the door. It didn’t seem like his desire to flee was that big. He was still preoccupied with ripping the bedding apart and glaring at Mrs Ok while deliberately dropping the paper on the floor, clearly provoking her into a reaction, but Mrs Ok had her eyes on her phone and ignored him.

Jungwoo mentally already started to go through the list of mistakes made and solutions found. It was probably too short to fit Jaemin, but his determination didn’t waver, no matter how many unfamiliar past experiences, that had shaped him, Jaemin would bring.

He slipped from the room and took a very deep breath before heading down the hallway just one door, where he knocked and waited.

“Yes?” Taeil’s voice came through the wood and Jungwoo pushed it open.

“Hi, Hyung, sorry for interrupting.”

“Don’t worry, any issues?” Taeil saved his process and turned towards him smiling encouragingly.

He had so much energy these days, so many smiles to give and lame jokes to make. Jungwoo’s heart soared in happiness for just the fraction of a second.

Then, he returned to reality.

“Actually, yes.”

Of course, it didn’t need much convincing for Taeil to be out of his chair and stomping down the hallway.

There was nothing much to do for him, so, Jungwoo decided to let him to it and waved Jaehyun out to continue his work in the next room, where patients were already waiting. Those who had a cute pet, but at least treated it with basic respect.

How humans could be so cruel and put themselves above the smart and complex creatures, they had been the ones to engineer, and exploit them in every way under the sun was still beyond him.

Then again, humans, in their history, had often decided to differentiate even between groups of themselves to declare one inferior and then use them for endless cruelty and selfish gain.

It was still happening. Just a lot easier to ignore because most of it didn’t happen right in front of peoples’ houses anymore. When it did happen with Hybrids, in the middle of everyday life, it was made easy to ignore by labelling those exploited no better than animals. Because animals were easy to treat unkindly, evidentially.

When he switched rooms again, he saw Taeil herding a moping Jaemin, arms crossed and complaining that he only liked Korean beef and fresh Kimchi, down the hallway towards where the quarantine rooms were.

Jaehyun nearly jumped the unsuspecting other, but Jungwoo held him back.

No one needed a flea infestation in a flat with six people.

Jaemin still broke into a tiny smile when Jaehyun hurried to reassure him how absolutely awesome it was that he’d stay and how he’d visit him 24/7.

Jungwoo had a bit of trouble because Jaehyun’s tail kept hitting him for the rest of the office hours, but he knew there was limited control over it and a happy wag had never hurt anybody.

“Impending freak-out?” Jungwoo softly asked when all patients of the day had been taken care off, Seulgi and Sooyoung headed home, and the front door locked. He sat down on the desk, that Taeil was busy flipping through his ‘private’ binder on.

Taeil looked up and sighed, “Just a little. Just a little… I don’t even know why. Which then makes me freak out over not freaking out. I already took blood from him, so results will come in tomorrow, no need to flip, but he’s skinny and, what if I miss something again? Why am I not panicking more? I can already see ten million mistakes being made!”

“Honestly, Hyung… I think there’ll be a lot of things that we have no idea about yet, regardless of how hard we try. He was raised for organ harvesting,” Jungwoo shuddered just saying it, “I refuse to believe anyone being treated like that would turn out to just be fine. Therapy seems like an absolute necessity.”

“Yes, I know, I want that, but how? I didn’t consider that. I can’t make him and he was extremely busy announcing all the things he hates. I doubt he’ll want to go,” Taeil mumbled, looking torn.

“Actually, you can. You can tell him he has to go.”

“I… yeah but… I hate dictating his life and… yeah, you’re right, I should do that,” Taeil ruffled his hair and made a small note, “It’s still four weeks of quarantine for him. I don’t want fleas in my flat. I can figure it out until… October 2nd.”

“Good. That’s plenty of time to get both Jaemin used to it and find someone.”

“Yes. Yes, I also have to tell the kids and find someone willing to share his room. Yeah.”

“I’m sure it won’t be any issue, Hyung. You know how much the kids take after you in how compassionate they are.”

Taeil’s face flushed pink and he blinked at Jungwoo mutely for a few beats, then turned around in his chair and mumbled something under his breath.

Jungwoo couldn’t help smile to himself.

“Anyway, he had no issue making decisions and he also announced he hates me and all doctors, but let me do everything I had to after I explained, so I’m curious to see where that’s headed. He said he liked Ttokbokkie, so I asked Taeyong to make it for him for dinner. He might be easily impressed by food, who knows. I’m taking all my chances.”

Jungwoo made a mental note that Taeil wasn’t above baiting Hybrids at first, so they’d open up enough to have actual conversations. After all, this was already the second time it happened and Jungwoo wanted to learn all the more complex parts of how to care of a Hybrid, so he could do it in the future.

A future not that far away anymore because he was on the finishing line of his studies.

“Seriously, though, for organ harvesting?” Taeil looked up from his three post-it-notes of to-dos, face showing as much disgust as Jungwoo felt.

“Mrs Ok told me. When I came into the room, they were fighting and she tried to justify her use of violence by explaining how she had ended up with him.”

“Yes, she said she had taken him from her brother because he couldn’t get rid of them. I wonder if there are more where he came from?”

Jungwoo frowned and felt just as unsettled as Taeil.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start looking. The second you do, you probably realise how many thousand unregistered Hybrids are kept for ‘science’ or by the many brothels all over Seoul,” Jungwoo mumbled.

“It’s a black hole full of dirt,” Taeil nodded and sighed, “Well, we’re lucky we got him out of there. One Hybrid at a time, right? I definitely don’t have room for ten. I mean,” he tapped his pencil on the binder, “I told you I used to find good homes for strays but I haven’t done much of my stray hunting in recent years because I don’t have any time and also, now that I made these experiences with Kun, I don’t feel comfortable trusting anyone else with a Hybrid anymore. Am I developing a neurosis?” he groaned and threw himself backwards in his chair.

“Not sure, Hyung. Maybe it’s your heart of gold weighing too heavily again.”

Taeil jerked upright, face pink, and pointed his pencil at Jungwoo, “Stop being smooth, I’m busy freaking out, I don’t have any capacity to deal with you and your…” his face flushed deeper and Jungwoo smirked, quite happy with Taeil being this flustered. It hardly ever happened.

And it was much better than Taeil pulling his own hair and going in circles over mineral deficiency.

Taeil flung the pencil at him and Jungwoo managed to catch it.

“I didn’t do anything, Hyung,” he hoped to come off as innocent and not like he was enjoying himself just a bit too much.

“We’re not going to talk about this. Anyway.” Taeil checked his phone, “I hope Jaemin and Jaeyhun aren’t currently rolling over the floor of the quarantine hallway. Why am I not more panicked. I should be more panicked. Fuck, organ harvesting! Who even does that, it sounds like the stuff you read they do somewhere, far away, in shady hospitals, not here in Seoul.”

“Maybe you realised that you have plenty of experience and it will all turn out fine. I’m sure it will. I think he’s really cute and I really hope to get to know him better. Am I allowed to see him?”

“Yes, but only if you finally explain what exactly Mrs Ok told you.” Taeil looked up but the blush was immediately back on his face and he muttered something before turning away.

Jungwoo smiled to himself, even though he wasn’t even sure what Taeil was panicking over, before he retold exactly what had happened and how he had perceived Jaemin a few hours ago.

His flat was silent when he returned, as it always was. Jungwoo turned on a podcast before settling down on the sofa, that he had inherited from his and Joohyun’s shared flat. Save for some dinnerware, his new one was just a Frankenstein-flat of their old one. The house money had already taken a toll on him. IKEA was not a priority he had. It worked, it looked neat, and it reminded him of having someone to share the sofa with.

Jungwoo sighed and stretched over the backrest. He felt like taking a run, a lot had happened at work and physical activity always helped him clear his head. He had a nice park about ten minutes away. He could run there, use the jogging path, and then return home and get 45 minutes of activity to clear his brain and tire his body.

He wondered if this place would ever feel like home. His lease was running for two years, as the standard generally was, and he wouldn’t have anything to go to uni for, so he might as well study in Wangshimni. Or, more likely, in Cheongdam. Moving was a huge hassle, he was glad to be spared having to do it again next year, but he also hoped he could settle and properly feel home and not like he was staying over at someone else’s place.

Or, maybe it just never would be as long as he was alone.

His thoughts went to Jaemin.

No, Taeil would take care of him. Jungwoo lacked so much experience, he would just make sure to watch and learn and, maybe next time there was a case like his, it could be the person to make this home for Jungwoo.

Still, he felt like Jaemin had immediately woken this protectiveness in him…

No.

_[to: Darling <3] [sent: 07:14 pm]_

_I’m bored ;;;_

_[from: Darling <3] [sent: 7:16 pm]_

_Aw_

_At least your neighbour doesn’t listen to sexist rappers </3 _

_We already tried so many ways. _

_Jennie was cute and did aegyo, I bitched, he’s such an ass_

_[to: Darling <3] [sent: 07:18 pm]_

_That sucks :(_

_At least I only have the melody of the Metro chiming through my windows_

_[from: Darling <3] [sent: 7:19 pm]_

_<audio>_

_[to: Darling <3] [sent: 07:22 pm]_

_You should start a career as an idol singer <3_

_[from: Darling <3] [sent: 7:23 pm]_

_Debut single: Seoul’s Metro soundtrack?_

_Doesn’t that sound like an immediate hit?_

_[to: Darling <3] [sent: 07:24 pm]_

_Totally <3_

_TI-Hyung has a new kid_

_<incoming: Darling <3>_

Jungwoo chuckled and swiped to accept the call. He often talked to Joohyun over the phone, these days. There was so much to talk about every day and they didn’t automatically see each other anymore to keep up to date.

Modern technology really was a blessing and Jungwoo rolled over the sofa while retelling his day and then listening to Joohyun’s.

“Absolutely make sure to knock,” Yuta said when Jungwoo asked how Jaemin had been doing yesterday after he had left, “He’s the opposite of Johnny, he will kick your ass if you so much as breathe into ‘his’ room.”

“His room?”

“Yeah, well, it’s his for now. I guess he’s just very territorial. I tried to talk to him be a bit but he just said everything I suggested was dumb so I’d not call it a heartfelt discussion,” Yuta shrugged, “And since we can’t touch him yet, I don’t know. I think he needs a bit more time.”

Jungwoo nodded, “Thanks for the warning. I just don’t want him to be alone too much.”

Yuta smiled and butted his head against his arm, “Of course, not. I don’t want to be mean or anything, but he’s a bit unapproachable and I’m not sure how to get past that yet. But we’ll figure it out.”

Jungwoo petted over Yuta’s ears and nodded.

They would figure it out. And he’d be there to help as much as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY Jaemin made his appearance – you didn’t have to wait for the kiss but you had to wait for him lol
> 
> [Jaemin, mix](https://i.imgur.com/b6eCPfU.jpg)
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy Jungwoo is back <33
> 
> If you read the other parts, you know we’re approaching a difficult time. I just want to give you a heads up...

“Good afternoon, may I come in?” Jungwoo waited in the hallway, hand on the door handle, not opening without permission, how Yuta had recommended.

Taeil had asked him to check Jaemin’s hair for him. Fleas were a lot more of a hassle to get rid of than lice. Lice were usually quite defenceless and just accepted defeat after one treatment. Fleas, however, were a lot more set on surviving and spreading. Nevermind they also carried a lot of nasty diseases if you were unlucky.

“No!” was the only bark from the other side. Jungwoo waited for a second, but nothing else came.

“Would you come outside, then, please? I’d like to talk a little and I’d also like to check if the fleas accepted their fate and left you.”

“I don’t wanna talk.”

“Okay, then just fleas.”

He heard footsteps and the door was ripped open. Jaemin glared up at him and elbowed him out of the way, flopping down on the floor in the hallway.

“We can do it here. My room is mine.”

Jungwoo glanced into the room and saw it in perfect order, the furniture pushed around a little, the bed made like it was a hotel.

Wow.

“Are you not allowing any guests? What about my tools in there?”

Jaemin looked up and seemed conflicted. Jungwoo, truthfully, didn’t have anything in there, only Taeil had, locked away safely from patients’ hands.

“Well, they’re also mine now,” he then decided.

“Did anyone give them to you for you to decide this?” Jungwoo asked because he was trying to understand what concept of possessions Jaemin was following here.

“No. But they were in my room. So. Your bad, you should have marked them. Are you gonna do the fleas now? I’m bored, I wanna go back.”

Jungwoo felt a little dejected but he guessed it made sense. He was a lot older than Jaemin, he was probably too lame in his eyes.

“Alright. What were you doing that you want to return to?” Jungwoo kneeled to be at the right height and carefully pushed his hands into Jaemin’s hair. It was wildly patterned without a clear system. It might be spotted if it were shorter, just how his ears and tail were somewhat spotted-ish. It was cute.

“I was watching something.”

Taeil had left the tablet PC with Jaemin, the same one that Kun had had when he had first come. It was an old model, outdated by now, but still wonderfully functional and hardly anyone ever used it.

“Which show? Or on YouTube?”

“You know YouTube?”

“I’m not that old,” Jungwoo took his time looking for any form of life, so he had an excuse to occupy Jaemin’s attention.

“Aren’t you? How old are you?”

“I’m 23 this year.”

Jaemin huffed, “Fine. I watched Anime.”

“Which one?”

“One.”

It seemed like Jaemin wasn’t going to give him more information and Jungwoo wished he had but he also felt bad prodding for more. He wasn’t sure how to approach Jaemin, how to have him open up. It was all still so new and foreign, but he wanted to succeed, which only made it bitterer that Jaemin didn’t seem to have any interest in that.

“Did you remember to use the flea-shampoo everywhere?” Jungwoo asked and moved to the other side.

“Yes.”

“Okay, good. They’re real pests and hard to get rid of.”

“Why are you so nice?” Jaemin suddenly burst out and Jungwoo nearly got whiplash from the sudden question.

“Uh, am I?”

“Yes. It’s suspicious. But this is also really weird so I don’t think you’re bad guys but you’re weird.”

“Weird? Well, I hope in a good way? I mean… I don’t know, I’m not doing things with the intention of being nice, I just… do what feels right?”

“Hm.” Jaemin seemed confused by that and Jungwoo felt bad that he did, but he didn’t comment on it or called him out. He had no clue where Jaemin came from, but there was a chance people had never been nice to him all his life.

It was a sad thought but, unfortunately, one to consider a possibility when working with a Hybrid.

“Are you done yet?”

“Almost. I also need to check your tail. Do you want to get rid of me so badly? I was thinking we could spend a little time? You’re alone most of the day, that must be lonely, right?”

“No. I don’t care.” Jungwoo eyed Jaemin face and concluded that to be a lie. He wasn’t as good as he might think himself at twisting the truth. It was good he wasn’t. He was too young to have learnt the way of masking his own self, actually, no one should have to have that skill. But because Jungwoo did have it, he knew what to look for.

Jaemin looked lonely, lost, very lost.

“I don’t mean to tell you what to do, but I did bring a list of questions to answer to get to know the other person a bit better. I thought you might be interested in getting to understand us and I’m very curious to get to know you.” Jungwoo ran his hand through the thick and stiff fur on Jaemin’s tail. It felt similar to Yuta’s, the complete opposite of the velvet soft type on Taeyong’s. It was fascinating, how different these small details could be, making every Hybrid so unique.

Jungwoo had once asked Taeyong if he thought it was bad if Jungwoo found it fascinating how their hair and eyes were affected by their genes. Taeyong had beamed and said he didn’t. That he thought it was really cool and he wanted to be proud of it because it was special and something humans couldn’t have.

He had asked Yuta the same question, and then Kun, not long ago. While their answers hadn't been the same, they had all agreed it was okay to appreciate it as long as it wouldn’t be the only thing he cared about.

Of course, it would never be. It could never be.

There was so, so, so much more to them than just their looks.

“You want to get to know me?” Jaemin asked. Jungwoo let go of his tail, knowing it was a place Hybrids didn’t like having others touch. Jaemin had held still well for him. Maybe it was training. Who knew. At least Jungwoo had been able to do his job and, thankfully, had been unsuccessful in his search.

“Yes, of course!”

“Why?” Jaemin narrowed his eyes and pulled his knees to his chest, eying Jungwoo critically.

“Well, you’ll be living here from now on and we’re all family. I hope you’ll become part of that and to become that, it’s helpful to understand the other person. You can learn about their preferences and experiences.”

Jaemin looked confused. Surely, there were many confusing things about this. It was fine, they’d figure it out.

“I want to ask about you!” he then decided and Jungwoo felt so endlessly relieved not to be shot down, he nodded instead of insisting to hear back.

Chances were, he could talk Jaemin into giving him answers, anyway. He was too innocent to properly keep the hateful act up. He wasn’t actually filled with hate, he was probably very scared and confused and Jungwoo understood that.

He needed time. They had time.

“Alright. May I come into your room for this? It’d be nicer to sit there because there are chairs?”

Jaemin frowned.

“Those are my chairs.”

Jungwoo nearly laughed but Jaemin seemed serious. He didn’t want to laugh about Jaemin’s perception of reality, that must have gotten shaped by his experiences and teachings, it would be cruel to.

“May I borrow one, then?”

Jaemin shook his head.

“They’re mine.”

The thought of what would happen once Jaemin would have to move briefly crossed Jungwoo’s mind.

He’d rather not think about it yet.

Instead, he sat down somewhat comfortably and pulled the list from his pocket, unfolding the crinkled paper.

“Okay. Well, first is the name. What’s your name?”

“Jaemin. You already knew that,” Jaemin frowned.

“I did, but thank you for telling me anyway,” Jungwoo smiled, “ You never were the one to tell me. This makes it more special.”

“You’re weird. Your name is Kim Jungwoo, next question.”

Next was when his birthday was but Jungwoo worried Jaemin might not know and he didn’t want to dampen the mood, so, he skipped it, just as much as the sibling question. He didn’t even want to answer that himself.

“What’s your favourite season?”

“You have to tell me first.”

“But I asked first.”

“But it’s a dumb question, I don’t have a favourite.”

“I have a favourite. Does that make it dumb? Or am I dumb if I would like to know yours?”

“No,” Jaemin muttered and played with the fur on his tail. It was interesting, Jungwoo had never seen anyone do that. Taeyong had a habit of running a hand over it, how a real cat might, and Jaehyun occasionally asked someone to brush his for him. Maybe it was a replacement for toys? Jungwoo didn’t want to think the worst but it was hard not to, knowing Jaemin had lived to die for at least the more recent years. He couldn’t imagine someone cruel enough to do that to anyone would bother getting them toys, “Sorry I said that. It’s not dumb. What’s your favourite?”

“Thank you, apology accepted. My favourite season is autumn because it gets cooler but you don’t have to wear a thick jacket yet. The leaves turn colourful and it’s really pretty especially since there are so many of them all over Seoul. I also really like Chuseok and spending time with the family to have yummy food.”

“I don’t care about that.”

“Don’t you like food?”

“Yes.”

“So, you could enjoy Chuseok for the food.”

“I don’t know. Let’s do the next one.” The thought that Jaemin perhaps didn’t know what Chuseok was struck Jungwoo, but he didn’t want to go back. The next question was easier, hopefully.

“What's your favourite colour?”

“Pink!” Jaemin shot away, making Jungwoo beam because he hadn't even had to ask once more to get a reply, “You?” Jaemin cocked his head.

Jungwoo definitely already had a huge weak spot for him. He was so cute, how could he not want him safe and taken care of and happy?

“Mine is blue.”

Jaemin nibbled on his lower lip and blinked up at him, then quickly looked away.

“Okay, next.”

Jungwoo learnt Jaemin liked rice better than noodles, he liked badminton, he liked swords, he preferred day over night, and he was actually sweet and bubbly underneath the act he put on, probably to keep himself safe.

It just seemed that Jaemin was set on not being lovely, so, it was just glimpses of thumping tail and quick replies with sparkling eyes.

Again, it was all too relatable for Jungwoo to not want to pick up an axe to break these walls down behind which Jaemin tried to constrict himself.

He was curious about Jungwoo but he didn’t get why Jungwoo was just as curious to learn about him. As if he didn’t matter.

He didn’t seem to have trouble with making decisions, he didn’t seem to regard Jungwoo as perfect and god-like – but he still must perceive him as above himself and see himself in an unimportant position that didn’t deserve to be asked about their favourite food while hearing about Jungwoo’s would be important.

There were so many unanswered questions, so many unaddressed topics and, once more, Jaemin denied ear pets but Jungwoo was still happy when he stepped out into the streets of Gangnam.

A cooler wind was blowing now, in the evening, announcing summer to soon be over.

Autumn was Jungwoo’s favourite season, so, he took a small detour through the park in Wangshimni and let his thoughts fly free, going over everything and nothing. From Taeil sorting through the first tab of his *private* binder while asking if he was too calm and if he was doing this wrong, to Jaehyun cleaning his room to make space for a new bunk-bed, and, finally, to Jaemin and that bright smile he had shown for the fraction of a second for a few times.

The change of seasons would bring a change to the family.

Last time it had happened, Jungwoo had become part of it himself.

Now, it was his turn to help open the door for a new addition.

Still, he wasn’t quite in the same position as everyone else.

Because his home wasn’t with them.

Somehow… it unsettled him. And he didn’t even know why. But the feeling of foreshadowing from yesterday was back and Jungwoo hoped it was just some silly jealousy over Jaemin getting to live where he wanted to.

Last time it had happened, Jungwoo had made first experiences and grown from ignorant newbie to voice of reason and partner at all times.

Now, he was the one feeling more nerves than Taeil, it seemed.

He wanted to be proven wrong. He didn’t want to think ahead, of all the ways in which this could go south. He wanted Jaemin to quickly become part of the family.

If he could access this sweet and cheerful side, it wouldn’t be hard to.

Unfortunately, it seemed like that had been the last of seeing that for the time being.

The following day, he, Yuta, Jaehyun, Taeil, and Jaemin played Uno in the hallway.

First, Jaemin had refused to give his cards back because they were now his. It had taken half an hour of explaining that not everything given to him was immediately his to keep and even then he didn’t look like he had actually understood but just given up for the time being.

When Yuta won, Jaemin ate his left-over cards and threw a fit.

“It’s unfair!”

“Jaemin, not everything in life is about winning. You played it for the first time, you experienced how the game works and what will help you win.”

“No! I hate it! It’s unfair!”

It’s unfair.

That was Jaemin’s favourite line, it turned out.

Everything was unfair.

Games, talks, who came for how long even if he sent everyone away, the shampoo in his bathroom smelling different from Yuta and Jaehyun’s, his food, his chopsticks changing.

Talks were dumb, gamed ended in tantrums, and he hated cuddles, even when the three weeks were over and Jaehyun desperate to give them.

Jungwoo tried so hard to make it right but it was impossible.

He was still smacked off with ‘unfair’ sooner or later, left to stand in front of the locked door to the quarantine hallway and rubbing his face in frustration because he knew Jaemin was lost but he was so lost, Jungwoo had no clue how to even get close enough to point him any direction.

But he wanted to.

So much.

But Jaemin didn’t.

“Let’s hope Junmyeon has the patience of an angel. He seemed very kind when I talked to him but he needs to have nerves of steel.” Taeil massaged his temples. Jungwoo was stretched out on the patient bed, dead tired.

“I just… I still understand him, but it’s so hard, god, it’s so hard,” Jungwoo felt tears rise. He knew Jaemin didn’t mean the things he threw at him, but after hearing them for the 100th time, he was starting to believe it was actually hopeless and Jaemin actually hated him and would never reconsider.

He knew he didn’t.

He just needed to remind himself of the smiles and yips and tail wagging that he had already seen and that had gone god knew where but that surely wasn’t lost.

It was just Jaemin, who was lost, who must be overwhelmed by the suddenly completely changed situation, by all the people he had to get to know and find a place to fit in.

But he would.

“I need to go pet some ears, maybe get mine petted even though it makes my skin crawl. Come on, you need, too.”

Jungwoo let Taeil pull him off the bed. It was late and he should go home but he did need to pet some ears of people who didn’t hate the world.

Even though he understood why Jaemin would hate the world, it was a draining mindset to have for not only the puppy but everyone around.

It’d get better once he was out of quarantine and would be allowed to settle into family life.

They’d have a full support network to welcome him and make him realise the world wasn’t out against him.

“No.”

“Yes, Jaemin, this is a clinic, not a home.”

“No, this is my room, don’t take it away!” Jaemin clung to the doorframe, eyes so big and full of tears, it was heartbreaking. Jungwoo bit his lip but he knew it was no use.

Jaemin would not part willingly.

He had known that.

As much as he wanted, saying yes to everything wouldn’t benefit Jaemin. The real world didn’t work like that and getting him prepared to face the harsh reality was, what Taeil and he wanted to do.

Together with the other five. Who could only help if Jaemin would leave his room to get to know them, let them welcome him into the family.

“This is my room, I paid for it.” Taeil sternly explained – not for the first time.

“But it’s mine now.”

Taeil closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Jaemin, we talked about this. It’s my room and I lent it to you but the time is over and I want you to come to my home now, which is upstairs.”

“No, it’s unfair!”

“You didn’t even check if it was.”

Taeil tried to step into the room and Jaemin snapped his teeth at him.

“Jaemin, I don’t want you to hurt me, or anyone else. I can’t learn anything from what I’ve done wrong if you just hurt me. It can only become better if you talk about what bothers you.”

It wasn’t the first time Taeil explained it. It wasn’t going to change Jaemin’s mind.

Jungwoo wished it was that easy.

Jungwoo wished they could talk and Jaemin could tell them exactly what was wrong and how to make it better.

Jungwoo, too, had to accept the real world didn’t work like that.

“No, I don’t wanna.”

Jungwoo pushed past Taeil and walked into the room, ignoring Jaemin growling at him as he picked up the belongings that the puppy would get to take. Those, that were actually his.

“Jaemin, this is Taeil-Hyung’s room, yours will be upstairs with Jaehyun.”

“No. I don’t wanna.”

“We explained where you’ll live.”

“I don’t care. It’s unfair!”

Of course, it was.

In the end, Jungwoo carried a screeching Hybrid over his shoulder, ignoring his back getting hit repeatedly, past a wide-eyed Taeyong, and into the new room.

It was unfair.

He hated it.

Junmyeon looked like he was both deeply professionally saddened but also like he was Mount Everest and unshakable even by a hurricane.

He needed to be.

The only one who’d grow frustrated between him and the complaining Hybrid, would be Jaemin.

“There’s a lot. I think he definitely needs a stable home, that will help him. He also doesn’t have much experience with the real world. He just needs time.”

They had time.

No problem.

Jungwoo played Uno with him for up to an hour after work in an effort to explain how ownership worked and how to deal with losing.

They ripped through several packs of the cards because they kept becoming collateral to Jaemin’s tantrums.

No one else really wanted to play with Jaemin anymore after just a week because it usually ended in the board being thrown across the flat and figurines under the sofa. Or eaten cards.

He talked to him about all and nothing. About the dramas the family watched together in the evening, usually but not always with Taeil, about the weather, about music, about school work.

Everything was dumb.

Jaemin apologised for finding it dumb only to call it the same next time they talked.

That was why the other five were slowly a bit wary to talk to him because they didn’t want their favourite things to be called dumb.

It wasn’t their job to teach a child about the world. Most of them were still children themselves even though Taeyong and Yuta no longer officially qualified as ones, now being 19 years old, and Kun and Doyoung were on the brink of becoming too old, too.

Jungwoo knew all too well you weren’t mature at 19.

You weren’t mature at 23 either, you probably always kept some childishness and that wasn’t something bad.

He was mature where he needed to be, though.

Jungwoo had patience. He understood. Life was terribly unfair. That was the nature of it. Jaemin just needed time.

They had time.

Until Jaemin started running amock.

First was Jaehyun’s biochemistry textbook, that had happened to lie on his nightstand.

Jungwoo stared at the shreds left of the pages and even the hard-back cover.

“Why?” Jaehyun’s eyes were dark and shiny as he carefully collected the snippets.

“You left it on my side.”

“I didn’t.”

“Yes.”

“No! You could have pushed it away. Why did you ruin it? This was mine! I paid for that! With my money! It was expensive and I wasn’t done, it’s complicated, why did you ruin it?”

“You put it in my space!”

Jungwoo sighed and watched Jaemin try to get at Jaehyun, but even though Jaehyun was soft and gentle most of the time, no one in the household was a match for him when it came to physical strength and Jaemin found himself pinned down in five seconds, unwilling to give in but continuing to struggle for another five minutes.

Next was Taeyong’s robe, torn to pieces.

The bathrobe had been a present from Doyoung for his last birthday, paid for with Doyoung’s hard-earned money from his teaching job.

“Jaemin!” the hiss was so furious, Jungwoo felt goosebumps on his skin.

“It was on my hook.”

“You. Don’t. Have. A hook. In the bathroom! This was mine, you have no business touching it, you have no business wearing it, least of all you have any business _fucking destroying_ it.” The yell echoed through the entire flat.

Taeil startled so hard, he knocked his shoulder against Jungwoo’s where they were trying to subtly do the dishes.

“Well, don’t leave it hanging around, it annoyed me.”

“Do you have any respect?”

“Whatever!”

“Dishwashing duty! For two weeks! Alone!”

“I’m scared,” Taeil muttered and started at his towel.

He said it as if Taeyong scared him.

Jungwoo knew he didn’t.

Yes, the hisses were intimidating and he had never known Taeyong had this side to him, this was a first. He could imagine the hurt Taeyong felt as he came into the kitchen with shiny eyes and tugged-back ears, the shreds of his robe clutched to his chest. He sat down on the kitchen table while Jaemin was busy repeatedly throwing his book onto the livingroom table just to rile people up.

He did that a lot.

To get attention, probably.

That was what scared Taeil.

And Jungwoo.

After, came Kun’s photobook from the Korean production of Cats, a present from his birthday, facing the same fate as Jaehyun’s textbook, but impossible to replace.

“It’s okay. I don’t like Cats that much, anyway,” Kun stared at the tiny pieces of paper that Taeyong had carefully swept together and started trying to puzzle back into DIN A4 to no avail.

“It’s dumb.” Jaemin thrust his hand through the full moon, that was all Taeyong had been able to restore, making the paper fly through the room and slowly tumble onto the floor.

Kun sniffed and Jungwoo spent three hours on eBay, finding the same one for a ridiculous 70,000 won.

“Buy it, don’t care,” Taeil said from where he had his face behind his hands, “God, I’m so tired but I don’t want to go upstairs.”

Then, it was Doyoung’s mug from his job, given to him for his birthday, a custom made piece that found its end on the kitchen tiles, shattered to a million pieces.

At least Jungwoo had seen Doyoung flip before.

After that, it was the family portraits, the sofa pillows, the collection of Disney VHS cassettes they had no way to play anymore but were from Taeil’s childhood.

It seemed Jaemin had endless destructive forces in himself.

Nevermind the constant screaming. Mostly with Jaehyun.

Jaehyun had been excited to get a roommate.

Now, it seemed like a curse.

Jungwoo knew punishment was absolutely useless.

He tried to sit down with Jaemin and talk but there wasn’t enough time to get through to him and Taeil had another five Hybrids to take care of, he couldn’t completely focus on Jaemin even if he tried to put him first because he needed to be prioritised.

“Maybe it won’t work. Maybe he can’t become part of my family.” Taeil whispered what Jungwoo thought, the third week into the continuous nightmare that it had been.

Jungwoo didn’t want it to be true.

But he, too, had been thinking this.

“Hyung, you should ask Junmyeon-sshi about it. I think he’s jealous and that’s why he blocking all our attempts,” Jungwoo was tired, so tired.

He just wanted to get through to Jaemin, he wanted him to accept their offers and he wanted to cuddle him, tell him it was okay to be angry, he understood, the world had been unfair, but there was still love in it if he just allowed them to show him.

But Jaemin didn’t want him to.

“Isn’t it worse to give him away? He’ll think he’s not worth it, right? I don’t want him to think that,” Taeil sounded how Jungwoo felt: like someone had sucked the life out of him through that round of cards that had ended in yet another pack ruined because three of them had gotten destroyed.

“I don’t know. I’m just so tired. Do you have a present for Yuta? I almost forgot it was his birthday because of Jaemin taking all my time.”

Jungwoo knew Jaemin was monopolising him more than Taeil because he was letting him.

He hoped the other five could forgive him but he just…

He couldn’t not.

He was too soft for Jaemin, he was too set on trying everything to break his walls down that he could see he was hiding behind.

Sometimes, it felt like he was getting there.

But he wasn’t really.

They weren’t making any progress at all.

Taeil was right starting to worry if their strategy was maybe the wrong one for Jaemin.

But Jungwoo didn’t want it to be. He didn’t want Jaemin to go anywhere else. Despite the tantrums and the accusations and the endless exhaustion, he knew the sweet puppy underneath already and he had taken him to his heart.

In those moments, during which it felt like they were getting better when he showed smiles and a wagging tail for a second, it was all worth it.

All the anxiety and all the nerves weren’t in vain. They were to show this sweet person the beauty of the world, that he hated so much.

Taeil sighed, “I get that. I didn’t but I see how you would. He’ll get a new set of bed-sheet from me because he said he found them pretty.”

“I feel awful.”

“Don’t. We understand. We’re not the ones lost and scared. He is. He needs someone who has the sort of positivity and calmness to himself you do. And, just like me, there’s only so much you can do at the same time without having to overstrain and no one wants that.” Taeil’s hand was soft on his arm. Soft and warm and he never wanted it to disappear but he knew it would.

Jungwoo sighed. It felt good and bad at the same time.

Because he wasn’t part of _we_ and he knew he wasn’t because he never had been and it was okay, on the contrary, it was good that Taeil was there for his kids because they needed him, too.

Because he could fill in for Jaemin where Taeil couldn’t.

Because he was someone who had been hidden behind walls but he had been freed and knew, more than anyone in the house, how miserable it was in the self-built fortress of façades.

Because Taeil knew that he knew.

And he built him up because and despite it all.

He reminded him that there was only so much he could do, just how there was only so much Taeil could do..

It was okay to adjust to the situation and the needs of an individual for a period of time.

“Thank you. I’ll go home and sleep, so I can stay up and eat until I’m sick of Takoyaki tomorrow and not doze off before I’m at least nauseous.”

Taeil chuckled.

“Do that. I’m sure there’d be no way to fall asleep anyway.”

Taeil had been right.

Jungwoo didn’t have time to fall asleep the next day.

At first, because they ate, played games, talked, and laughed.

It was fun. Jungwoo was enjoying himself and collecting points through the various games they played. Yuta looked like he was having a wonderful day, or rather evening, which was, obviously, the most important thing.

Until Jaemin threw the entire bowl of batter at Johnny, halfway into the party.

At least the better part had already been used up but it was enough to still be a mess, nevermind it hurt to get hit by a glass bowl, that was now in shards over the floor.

Johnny was perfectly still, the light liquid all over his red sweater and jeans, dripping off his fingers, his eyes closed as if he was trying hard to keep his composure.

“Oh, Jaemin,” Taeil groaned and stepped away from the borrowed moulds where Taeyong kept turning dough balls, fingers becoming white around the toothpick he was using.

Jungwoo hurried over from where he had been sitting while everyone else was still in a state of shock.

“I was about to do that,” Jaemin snarled and seemed about to get at Johnny but Taeil grabbed him, keeping him from stepping into the glass.

Johnny’s eyes snapped open and he looked absolutely pissed – rightfully so. Jungwoo felt a bit unsettled.

A bit.

A lot.

Worried, “I said I was going to do it, I had the rightful claim,” Johnny shot back, voice hard how Jungwoo had never heard it before.

Jungwoo understood that system, in which dog Hybrids would mark their belongings using words, and he wasn’t surprised to know Jaemin disrespecting it. He was constantly pushing boundaries and looking to get attention, only to then deny any chance of actually making it meaningful.

He was just overwhelmed and scared, Jungwoo was sure of it. That was okay. How it manifested was the… issue.

Despite Taeil holding him back and Johnny standing in a field of shards that could easily cut someone if stepped on them at a bad angle, Jaemin ripped free and towards the taller Hybrid, the subject of his current tantrum.

“Jaemin!” Taeil’s yell was sharp but it was too late. Johnny had brought his arms up to protect his torso and Jaemin’s teeth were sunk into the left one.

Just how Jungwoo had never seen Taeyong snap, he hadn’t seen Johnny do.

It all happened so quickly, no one was fast enough to do anything. Not step it to hold someone back, not say anything, not even blink.

The most horror-inducing growl ripped through the room and a second later, Jaemin hit the floor hard, groaning at the impact, Johnny on top of him, pinning him down, his arm freed and just a smear of blood down Jaemin’s chin reminding them of what had triggered this.

Jungwoo’s hands shook from the shock and he wanted to step in but he knew he shouldn’t and he knew Jaemin was in the wrong but he was hurting and Jungwoo’s heart hurt for him.

At least Jaemin didn’t struggle, he immediately gave up, looking pale and downright petrified. That was a first. But it had been different from his quarrels with the others, different from Jaehyun or Yuta pinning him down.

Jungwoo wouldn’t blame Johnny. He didn’t know him well enough to conclude why he had used this much force. It surely wasn’t because he was an attack dog, there surely was another reason to it. Jaemin was to blame for this, he had been the one provoking this reaction knowingly by behaving how he had. He knew much better what would set a Hybrid off than Jungwoo did, yet, he had done it.

Johnny scrambled away, getting to his feet and looking absolutely terrified at his own actions, holding the arm where Jaemin had bitten. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Johnny whispered, tears pooling in his eyes.

It was a mess.

Jungwoo didn’t even know what he was doing but he pulled Jaemin out of the shards and batter, turning him around without a word, to see the glass stuck to his backside, brushing it off and ignoring how it left tiny cuts in his fingers.

Jaemin wasn’t hurt. He might get some bruises but he had had those coming. No glass had cut through his clothes and into his skin.

It was a huge relief and Jungwoo turned to see Taeil inspecting Johnny’s arm.

Right.

“Open your mouth,” Jungwoo softly said and Jaemin immediately obeyed, looking so shaken he forgot to complain and protest. He had bitten his lip but nothing serious. “Do you hurt anywhere?” he asked, just to be sure, and ran his eyes down Jaemin’s front.

“No.” was the only reply he got before Jaemin turned and dashed from the room.

“Jungwoo, could you take care of Johnny? Let’s clean up the mess and finish our round, alright? Yuta was winning, after all,” Taeil clapped his hands and Jungwoo held his hand out for Johnny, who still looked like he might burst into tears but took it. His fingers were shaking, how Jungwoo’s had moments before.

How cruel had someone been to him, that he was scared of himself?

Once more, Jungwoo’s heart hurt.

Once more, he could not understand humans and their endless cruelty.

He could just lead Johnny downstairs and help with the situation at hand.

The office was always a bit spooky at night and Jungwoo hummed under his breath while collecting disinfectant, cotton balls, salve, and plaster.

“Alright, let’s look at this. Looks like a vampire tried you for dinner,” Jungwoo pointed out, hoping to lighten the situation.

“Are… are you scared?” Johnny softly asked, slumped into as tiny a ball as he could with his frame, head tipped downwards and not daring to look up.

“Of you? No.” Jungwoo pushed the cotton ball down on his arm to make sure he got everything out of there. Bites were nasty to heal, especially those of Hybrids infected very easily, “You’ll be here on Thursday with Donghyuck, won’t you? Please let me check your arm again then, okay? I understand Jaemin brought that upon himself. I hope you can forgive him. He’s… just really lost, I think.”

“Yeah,” Johnny muttered and his head rose a bit. Jungwoo applied a bit of zinc salve and spread it evenly, coating everything, “I’m sorry. He must hate me now.”

“I’m not sure. It’s hard to predict, with him. Don’t blame yourself for your instincts.” Jungwoo tried not to conclude anything from the countless scars that sat on Johnny’s arm, like many, many bracelets someone had cut into the skin.

He finished the bandage off with a panda plaster to hold it shut, the type usually used for kids, but Johnny smiled and ran a finger over it. Jungwoo didn’t understand how it all fit together, Johnny slamming Jaemin down with seemingly no remorse, just brute violence, all the scars on him, and this soft personality.

He could hardly imagine what kind of past a person like him had, all the ways he could have been exploited.

To see him still able to appreciate a panda plaster, to know he was usually nothing but sweet, it gave Jungwoo hope. Hope that Jaemin, too, would someday be able to.

Because he had already seen it.

He just wanted to help him, he wanted this cute but lost little mix to fit in and arrive home, see how full of love the world was even though it was unfair and cruel, too.

“Ear pets?” Jungwoo offered and Johnny nodded, making himself smaller on instinct because all people in his life were so much shorter than himself.

“You won’t punish him, right? I was angry at the moment, but now, I can understand why he acted that way,” Johnny asked.

“He won’t be cruelly punished. We try to have talks instead, so he knows it was wrong and why. Maybe he’ll change his behaviour,” but probably not because this hadn't been the first time it happened. Or the second.

Or the third.

Johnny really was a kind soul in a big body. Jungwoo guessed he, too, had been lost at some point, probably before getting adopted by the Lees.

“Okay. Good. I didn’t think you would but. Yeah. Are you really not scared?” Johnny looked up with dark brown eyes, the light hair on the front of his brows pulling up a bit in the typical puppy eye-expression.

“No, I’m not. Or do you want me to be?” Jungwoo chuckled and let Johnny’s ears flop a little bit, playfully.

“No! No! I… I hate it. I don’t want to be scary.”

“You’re not. You’re actually just really cute,” Jungwoo assured him and Johnny looked so happy over that, it was cute in itself.

Hopefully. Hopefully, Jaemin would get there, too.

If only Jungwoo knew how to make him accept help.

But he didn’t and if Jaemin didn’t want to change, they couldn’t force him to.

By the time they returned upstairs, order had been restored and the last Takoyaki was on Johnny’s plate, waiting, while Doyoung was marching his figurine over the board with a glint of competitiveness in his eyes.

When Johnny and he packed up, it was already late, the clock reading 10. Jaemin had never re-emerged but that could wait. Today was Yuta’s special day and while it was almost over, he still deserved to be put first.

“Once more, happy birthday,” Jungwoo hugged him goodbye and Yuta squeezed him tightly, a bit too tightly, “I’m sorry it was such a mess,” Jungwoo sighed and ruffled Yuta’s hair.

“Ah, don’t worry about it, Hyung. You know how he is,” Yuta grinned back.

“Yeah. Still. It’s been nearly a month.”

“Just over three weeks. He needs more time, Hyung. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

Jungwoo pulled Yuta into another hug.

“You’re secretly the one with the biggest heart in this family, you know that?”

Yuta didn’t hug back for a second, then, he squeezed Jungwoo tighter than he normally did. Again.

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. You’re a good person, Yuta. It was your birthday after all and Johnny is your friend, yet, you can still forgive him because you are.”

“He just… he just needs someone like Taeil. He’s redeemable, I’m sure of it. Not a lost cause.”

“Yes, I agree.”

Yuta smiled when he pulled away.

“Good. I was just making sure to remind you, so you don’t forget.”

Jungwoo wouldn’t forget.

He just wished it was easier, there could be a recipe to make Jaemin talk to them, stop letting his anger out on everyone, stop provoking everyone to get attention when he didn’t even accept it.

He had to be patient with him, put in as much time as he could.

No matter how troublesome, how irritating, and how irrational… he was just a child, who had been faced with the worst the world had to offer, he just didn’t fit in, he was different.

Jungwoo didn’t want Taeil to give Jaemin away. Annoying and irritating or not, he had this weak spot for the mixed puppy that reminded him too much of himself.

He couldn’t give up on him, he wanted to show him love and home and comfort.

Jungwoo returned to his flat lying in silence and sighed.

He was tired.

So tired.

If only there was a secret to how to do this.

He’d really want to know.

But… Yuta was right. Jaemin just needed time.

Just a bit more time. They had that, right?

With that thought, he pulled the blanket over himself and turned to his right, closing his eyes.

Jungwoo was startled awake by the sound of his phone ringing.

Not just ringing, no, this was the melody he had assigned to Taeil’s contact at some point of being bored on the train home.

It was still dark out and Jungwoo was sure it was somewhat in the middle of the night.

There was _no_ reason for Taeil to call him.

Unless something had happened. Something bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please prepare your hearts ;;
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember the tags, once more, there’s lots of things that might be triggering in here and this chapter, in particular, could be very triggering. Please make sure you’re in a good place mentally to read this <3

Jungwoo missed the green button twice until he finally managed to swipe across the screen.

“Hello?” his voice was scratchy and tired to his own ears.

A broken sob came through the line and a cold shiver ran down Jungwoo’s back. He suddenly felt wide awake and stumbled from his bed, over to his closet.

“Hyung? Taeil-Hyung?”

“_I…_” it was Taeil, probably, but his voice broke off into another sob. Jungwoo managed to pull a jacket over his pyjama and a pair of socks on and stumbled out the door, body still sluggish from being woken so abruptly.

“Hyung, what’s wrong? Where are you?”

“_O-office_,” Taeil whispered. His voice was small, tiny, he sounded like a different person. Taeil, even in his low moments, never lost at least a spark of his confidence and positivity.

Now, it sounded like it was broken, he was broken.

He had to see him. Be there for him, in person.

Because something was terribly, terribly wrong.

Jungwoo slammed the door, not caring about the neighbours. The stairs seemed to take longer than normal while he kept asking what was wrong, but only sniffs and sobs came through the line.

In his head, he tried to make up some sort of scenario that’d have him this devastated, but he couldn’t think of anything. Taeil had seen cruelty done to Hybrids, he had been called names and torn down by other professionals in the field even as a regularly published author, he had been in fights with his kids, he had seen them suffer, he had lost his father, he had always come out on top, no challenge was too big for Taeil.

What was wrong?

Wangshimni was closer than Anam but still awfully far from Cheongdam.

The streets were still busy at the late hour, taxis driving up and down. Jungwoo hailed one and got into the back, softly giving the driver Heaven’s address. The man didn’t even give him and his attire a second look, which should be concerning, but Jungwoo was grateful.

“_Jungwoo, I… I failed. I failed_!” Taeil’s voice suddenly came through the phone.

“No, I’m sure you haven’t,” Jungwoo whispered but it was hard to keep confidence when he didn’t know what was happening and all he could hear was how defeated Taeil sounded. He wanted to be there for him, he wanted to be the rock in the storm, but it was usually easier. Taeil had never been this lost out there, usually, he had at least still had some sort of boat and all Jungwoo had had to do, was throw him a safety-line.

_“Yes. I-I have. For the second time!”_

Jungwoo leaned against the window.

“Hyung, you haven’t failed before.”

“_Yes. I have. With Kun. I didn’t recognise the signs in him and he suffered and now… now_…” Taeil broke into new sobs.

Jungwoo felt himself trembling from the shock of being woken, the anxiousness, the fear.

But he grabbed his phone tighter.

“Hyung, you tried your best with him, he hid it from you, you’re not superman,” Jungwoo hoped his voice wasn’t shaking like his body was. He usually allowed himself to cry, these days, but right now, he was biting tears back, fighting them.

“_I should have known! I should have sent him to Seohyun-sshi regardless of how good he seemed! I should have kept sending Yuta! I failed! I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be annoying you in the middle of the night. I’m sorry, Jungwoo_.”

“No, it’s…” Jungwoo heard the tone of the broken connection and cursed.

He got into the callers’ list and immediately dialled again but Taeil didn’t respond. He tried once, twice.

Fuck!

“Sorry, could you go any faster?” he leaned over the seat to the driver.

“I’m already doing the quickest I can. You can be glad it’s 3 am, normally, this is a nightmare to drive.”

“Okay. Sorry.” Jungwoo sunk into his seat and watched the lights outside pass by.

The beep of the provider trying to reach Taeil was monotonous in his ear, but he kept pressing ‘call’ again.

Yuta.

Seohyun.

Jungwoo swallowed and the lights blurred in front of his eyes. No. It wouldn’t be. It couldn’t.

No!

Yuta _had_ seemed happy, just yesterday, he had been laughing, celebrating his birthday amidst his friends. He had smiled at Jungwoo when he had bid him goodbye. It had always been noticeable when he struggled. He had been out of therapy for so long, his depressed episodes were just a faint memory of a sad beagle looking for pets.

He hadn't had them anymore in years.

Or, he had become better at hiding them, just how Kun had always eaten big meals and snacked whenever offered something.

No. Please.

Jungwoo rubbed his face and wiped the tears away before they could drop.

The river felt broader than usual, the bridge not coming to an end as the same thought repeated itself over and over and over.

Oh, please, it couldn’t be.

Not Yuta. Not anyone. But especially not Yuta.

Finally, the car slowed down in front of the familiar high rise.

Jungwoo nearly forgot to pay his fare, but the driver called after him.

It was strange to run through the dark staircase, and Jungwoo typed in the wrong code twice, his fingers too shaky to properly press down.

The scent of cleaning agents and disinfectant hit his nose, how it always did when stepping inside into a medical office. Today, it seemed stronger, making the place feel foreign and cold.

It was like a ghost town, but he knew his way around by heart. It had been three years, after all.

The moment he got into the hallway between the examination rooms, he heard the same sobs he had heard on the phone.

Office one, of course, he’d be there.

Jungwoo switched on the lights and saw a bundle of black hair and the clothes Taeil had been wearing for Yuta’s party, sitting on the chair and leaned over the desk, face hidden in his arms.

“Hyung! Haven’t you even been to bed?” Jungwoo gasped and hurried over. He put a hand onto his back and felt the tight muscle shiver under the layers of fabric.

Taeil looked up and Jungwoo’s heart sunk. His eyes were red and bloodshot, swollen already, staring at him blankly, so full of misery and despair there was no spark of hope left, just endless sadness.

For how long had he been sitting here?

_What had happened?_

“Jungwoo?” Taeil’s voice was raspy, sounding like he had seen a ghost, and Jungwoo crouched down next to him, unsure where the boundary of professionalism was.

If you came to look for your boss in the middle of the night, while he had a mental breakdown, when you had been in love with him for three years, was there even a boundary to speak of left?

Probably not.

“I worried.”

Taeil nodded and wiped his face, taking a deep breath, trying to go back into his mode of being unshakable and reliable.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have woken you. It’s just that…” his voice started shaking again and his expression dropped, more tears pooling in his eyes and Jungwoo couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and drying them. “I didn’t know who else to call. Jungwoo, I don’t know wh-what to do. I don’t know if I c-can do this.”

“Yes, you can. Of course, you can. If there’s one person in this world who might be able to do whatever, then it’s you.”

“No, Jungwoo, I don’t. I failed, Yuta, he… he tried to… he… he cut his radial arteries.”

Jungwoo felt like someone had dunked him in ice water.

No.

Please, no, it couldn’t be.

His fingers curled up into fists, nails biting into the skin to try and lessen the hit. It didn’t help. Nausea rose in his chest because it hurt so much.

No!

“H-how is he?” he asked, hearing his own voice as barely a breath.

“N-not that good, but alive,” Taeil whispered. “I found him. Fuck, Jungwoo, I haven’t even cleaned up, I can’t, I can’t, I failed as a guardian. How can I still call myself his parent after this?”

Oh, thank Taeil!

Jungwoo managed to take a deep breath and forced it all down. He could deal with it later. He could be strong right now.

Yuta was alive. That was enough to unclench his hands, straighten his back, and blink away his tears.

“Taeil?” Jungwoo dropped the honorific, going on pure instinct now. Yuta was taken care of. Taeil would have done everything in his power, he was sure of that, but Taeil needed help right now. Jungwoo grabbed his hands, that were ice cold to the touch, and Taeil looked up, eyes glassy in endless despair, “It’s not your fault! He’s safe, you were there for him.”

“No.”

“Yes, you were. I don’t know anyone who takes as good care of their Hybrids as you, you take better care of them than some people do of their own children. I know you did everything you could. If he had cancer, it wouldn’t be your fault either.”

“I should have not trusted him when he said he was fine.”

“Taeil, your amazing trust in your Hybrids is what makes you so special!”

“But I know he lost his home multiple times because he was depressed! Jungwoo, I’m an idiot for thinking he’d just be fine.”

“You’re not. You didn’t just think he was just fine. He went to therapy and finished it successfully. You couldn’t have known.”

“I could have kept sending him to see Seohyun.”

“That would have gone against his own wishes without rational reason, Taeil. Do you ever dictate someone else’s life?”

Taeil dropped his head and shook with another sob.

“But if… if… where did I go wrong, how could I have made it right? How could I have stopped him?”

Jungwoo wished he knew. He didn’t.

How did you stop a person set on taking their life?

Yuta had seemed bright all day yesterday.

He had reminded Jungwoo to remember to give Jaemin time. So he’d remember.

Fuck.

Because Jaemin was redeemable.

But not Yuta, to Yuta.

He had had this planned.

Jungwoo nearly broke down in a sob as well.

He also hadn’t noticed.

How should he have?

How?

It was cruel.

Depression was a cruel illness, ripping not just the life of the one suffering from it apart but also those around them because of how merciless and murderous it was.

But Yuta had been saved.

His plan had failed.

“You did. He’s alive, isn’t he?”

Taeil nodded weakly.

“He’s alive and he is safe?”

“Yes,” Taeil whispered.

“You stopped him. You were there for him when it counted. That’s all that’s important right now, isn’t it? How about you go to sleep?”

“I still have to clean up, imagine if someone went to shower and…” Taeil’s voice broke.

“I’ll clean. I’ll check on Yuta. I’ll check on Taeyong, Kun, Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Jaemin. I’ll take the hours tomorrow and whoever I can’t help, I’ll ask to return the day after. You need a break, Hyung. Please.”

“But…”

“No but, just one day, take one day off to heal from this at least a little. A bit of time for yourself, please!”

“What do I tell the kids, I can’t be a failure to them. How do I explain what happened… how do I take care of Yuta after letting him down, I…” Taeil sobbed but it looked like there were no more tears to cry.

“Maybe it’d be helpful if you went to Junmyeon’s office, Hyung? To talk about this?” Jungwoo softly suggested and Taeil buried his face in his hands, but then, he nodded.

“One day off?” he finally whispered.

“One day, or more if you need them,” Jungwoo confirmed. Taeil had run on one week of vacation for years now – one day was probably not going to fix what he actually needed.

But Jungwoo wouldn’t be able to fix everything in one night either. He glanced at the clock while he helped Taeil from his chair. 4:30 am. He had two hours until the first Hybrids would get up, three and half until he’d be running this office.

No time to freak out. He had this. He could do this. For Taeil, for Yuta, for everyone.

For himself.

He swallowed and hiked Taeil’s arm over his shoulder, steadying him and guiding him through the back, upstairs.

The flat was perfectly quiet but there were bloodstains in the entrance hall. Jungwoo swallowed. Blood had never been an issue, he had never become nauseous seeing it.

Today, he did.

They left their shoes and Jungwoo pulled Taeil past the bathroom and into his room, where he waited until he had taken his clothes off and was in his pyjamas, under his blankets.

When he closed the door, he took a shuddering breath.

He couldn’t cry. He could do that later. Right now, he could be strong, just as long as he had to be.

Jungwoo made himself a black coffee because, nerves or not, he was dead tired. Then, he checked on Taeil’s door, but it was quiet.

For 24 hours, he needed to be a professional, he needed to be doctor Kim, who he’d soon be, and not Jungwoo. After, he could deal with everything else.

He took ten minutes to meditate and get himself in the mindset, then, he put the mug in the sink.

He checked the bathroom, the big one first. He had to take another deep breath to stomach it, but he pretended it was just dye and closed the door. Bleach and cleaning agents were downstairs. He could also check on Yuta, see if Taeil had left any sort of documentation that’d help him. See, if he was conscious.

It was hard to tell how much blood he might have lost. Spread, it often looked more than it was. Until shock and more serious side-effects and the actually life-threatening conditions would set it, a person had to be left untreated for a bit.

He had no idea how soon Taeil had found Yuta, but there was a chance he had left notes in a hurry because he usually documented everything. Jungwoo would have to check and work off of anything he could find.

He could do this.

Yuta was in the quarantine track, in the room meant for patients like this. His door was locked and the room bare, only a bed with round edges inside, the windows opening no more than a sliver. The sheets would easily rip and there was nothing to fasten them against, Jungwoo knew.

He looked pale, his wrists both wrapped up, an IV-drip on his arm, fixed with a crooked plaster, just as crooked as his bandages upon closer look. But they were white, no red to be seen. He was fine. Jungwoo checked his pulse and it was steady, as strong as it would be resting. He was breathing regularly, too.

Only good signs.

Jungwoo assumed he was knocked out by his medication but he wasn’t sure how heavily, so, he’d check again in an hour.

By the time Doyoung came into the kitchen, a button-down tucked into his pants, hair combed, Jungwoo was in his set of replacement-clothes from his locker and Yuta’s IV drip replaced to get more fluids into him. He had found the empty packagings in office two, which had helped him figure out the dosages – Yuta would be out into noon, assuming he had been found around midnight, which was Jungwoo’s guess on how well he could reconstruct last night’s happenings without anyone to ask.

“Hyung, why does the bathroom smell of blea- Jungwoo-Hyung?” Doyoung stopped in his tracks and Jungwoo smiled.

“Morning.”

“Uh…”

“Taeil-Hyung will be taking the day off, as he doesn’t feel very well. I’m sure he’d appreciate being able to sleep in.”

“Oh. Okay. Sleep in?” Doyoung looked like Taeil had not once slept in, in his life – which, Jungwoo wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn’t during the last decade.

“Yes. He needs rest.”

“Mm,” Doyoung went to turn on the kettle without another word.

The breakfast soup was steaming by the time Taeyong and Kun came into the kitchen and then, the silence was disturbed by yelling.

Jungwoo winced but didn’t wait until the fighting would sort itself out. He marched out of the kitchen, down the hallway, and into Jaehyun and Jaemin’s room.

“It’s always been mine!”

“Why did you put it there then?”

“Do you see another hook here?”

“Hey!” Jungwoo hissed and the two immediately jerked around, eyes wide. Jungwoo, admittedly, wasn’t usually one to ever go between conflict or be too strict. As long as no one got harmed, he preferred to let everyone figure their things out.

However, even he could see that there was something off in this household. He had seen it the moment Taeyong had winced and sought comfort with Kun when the voices had gotten louder, how Doyoung had sunk into himself, how Kun had started nibbling on his fingernails.

He hadn’t been able to see it before, but today, everything was different. Today, it was clear as day that it hadn’t been a sudden action yesterday.

It had come from somewhere, it had built up over weeks of constant struggling, of blame being thrown around instead of responsibility being taken.

Weeks of trying to fit someone in who was not yet able to accept there could be a home for him here. Weeks of making life harder for someone who had already found it hard before.

It couldn’t be undone.

But it couldn’t stay like this.

“Jaemin, give Jaehyun’s clothes back, Jaehyun, let go of Jaemin’s hair.” The two did as asked, without even asking a question, “Get dressed and get breakfast and, please, be quiet, Taeil-Hyung’s been having a very rough day and it’d be nice if he could get a bit of rest, wouldn’t it?”

Jaehyun immediately turned from surprised to worried. He nodded and slipped past Jungwoo without another word, but Jaemin crossed his arms.

“It wasn’t my fault. It’s my hook. He put his stupid clothes there.”

“Okay. We can figure that out by talking calmly about it, can’t we?”

“No! He always does that. He doesn’t respect my stuff at all!” Which might stem from Jaemin never respecting anyone else, either, but Jungwoo didn’t say that. It wouldn’t help, right now.

“Maybe it’s a space issue? He said there hadn’t been another hook to use?”

“Then we need more space. I don’t want to share my room with anyone anyway!” Jaemin hissed and ripped the closet open. “I hate having a roommate!”

Jungwoo pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes.

“There’s not enough room for everyone to have their own here, Jaemin.”

“Then I want to move out!” he slammed the door shut and started dressing himself. Jungwoo really didn’t know how to handle any of this, but he’d have to for 24 hours. 22.

“You don’t want to live with Taeil-Hyung anymore?” he asked, hoping to make Jaemin see the issue.

“No, yes, yes, I do but… it’s unfair!” Jaemin threw his pyjama to his bed where it failed to land and slowly tumbled to the ground.

Unfair.

Jaemin’s favourite word.

The world had been unfair to him. It had been unkind and cruel and shown the worst it had to offer for his very young life.

Taeil could try to be kind and welcoming as much as he could, as long as there was even one person to share with, Jaemin would think it was unfair because he had learnt that everyone else would be preferred and he couldn’t differentiate between a shop turning him away because of his uneven ears and eyes and a parental figure paying attention to different kids and their individual needs.

Jaemin didn’t fit into the family and he couldn’t as long as he hadn't overcome his feeling of injustice and his inability to share. As long as he couldn’t see he was loved because he was incapable of thinking himself deserving of it.

Jaemin finished dressing with Jungwoo still in the door.

“Jaemin, would you like some cuddling?” Jungwoo softly asked.

Jaemin was just lost. He wasn’t to blame, no one was, especially not the puppy who had just stumbled into their lives and who was here because he needed a home.

“No,” Jaemin muttered and Jungwoo nodded. He wished he could cuddle him, he wanted to show him he was loved, he wanted to make him see.

Jaemin needed time.

And he needed a different home to become his.

There was a knock on the door, followed by Doyoung asking:

“Hyung, where’s Yuta-Hyung? His bed is empty!” panic lacing his voice.

Jungwoo braced himself and turned, to head to the living room.

“Let’s talk for a second, okay? He’s fine,” Jungwoo felt sick.

He didn’t know how to do this but he knew, this once, Taeil knew even less.

He couldn’t not tell them anything and just have Yuta missing, they didn’t deserve that even if it was hard. Not speaking would only make it worse, would groom more problems.

He was the one responsible and the one strong for today.

Taeyong and Kun both immediately looked up when they entered the room. Doyoung stuck to his side and not looking satisfied whatsoever must have given away that something was amiss.

It took another moment for Jaehyun and Jaemin to arrive as well and everyone figuring out a way to sit on the living room table.

Jungwoo felt like he was here to make his pledge for non-guilty in front of a court.

He felt sick with his own fear and worry and grief.

Knowing that he was taking Taeil’s part for today, he was the one responsible for 24 hours, helped him sit straight and push past nervousness to the point of wanting to cry.

He could do that later. Now, there were five kids to focus on.

Five kids that deserved the truth but the truth was painful.

He had taken the responsibility and he knew he was strong enough to handle it.

“Where’s Yuta?” Taeyong softly asked, looking around as if he was searching for him and still expecting him to arrive and be part of the announcement Jungwoo had to make.

They all deserved to know and not be kept oblivious.

Jungwoo took a deep breath:

“Unfortunately, Yuta was hit by a wave of illness. It was very unexpected and quiet, which is why it got to this point. He…he tried to take his life, but he failed. He’s safe. He will have to spend a bit of time downstairs to heal. He’s doing fine and he’ll be up and around in just a few days, I’m sure of it,” Jungwoo looked around the table, but no one looked reassured by his words at all. He saw tears in eyes, disbelief, upset.

Yuta hadn’t done this because he wanted anyone else to hurt, he had done it because he hurt and he was depressed and no one had noticed but he hadn’t let anyone know because that was the terrible wicked cycle of mental illness.

No one was to blame.

But everyone hurt and Jungwoo could only try to cushion it a little.

“If you have any worries, you can tell me. I will try to explain everything and be there for you to the best of my abilities. I’m sure Yuta will be happy if you welcome him back once he’s ready and I’m sure Taeil-Hyung will be happy to cuddle and listen, too. Just… let him rest for a few more hours and then I’m sure he’ll want to be there for you.

“You know there’s no one to blame for being ill or feeling unwell in any way, shape, or form. It’s valid even if you think it’s trivial and we want to help you in every way we can, but you have to tell us when there’s something wrong. I wish I could read your minds, at least to see if you’re hurting, but I can’t and neither can Taeil-Hyung even though it sometimes seems he does.”

The silence was thick, heavy, suffocating, until it was broken by sniffs and small sobs, the whispers of ‘no’, crushing Jungwoo’s heart but all he could do was watch and offer his support.

“Is he… he conscious?” Jaehyun asked, face pale as the wall and small trails of tears down his cheeks.

“He’s sedated for now. I’ll check on him every hour and see how he does once he wakes up.” Jungwoo softly explained. He wished he could say it was just a minor incident and Yuta could come back in the evening and return to normal.

But that would be a lie.

It would take time to patch this up, time and strength they, as a family, had to find.

“B-but he’ll survive?” Doyoung stuttered.

“Yes, he will be just fine physically,” Jungwoo had checked and changed the bandages an hour ago. It’d leave permanent scars, but nothing else.

“Oh, Yuta, oh, why?” Taeyong hickupped and curled into himself, Doyoung’s hand coming to rest on his back, stroking it carefully but he looked just as devastated, just as pained, crying just as much.

Jungwoo found himself crushed in a hug by Jaehyun, who sniffed into his shirt. It felt like their hurt was his but he would be strong and be strong for them, soak it up and dispel it using his own coping mechanisms for them, so they had someone to lean on now.

That was, what parents did.

Jungwoo left, half an hour later, to start the shift downstairs. He had made sure to pet and hug everyone who wanted, which was all of them save for Jaemin.

Jaemin had bitten back his tears and just watched.

Jungwoo didn’t know why, he didn’t know how to address it, and Jaemin seemed set on not letting him, so, all he could do was remind them to come down if they needed and to make sure to look after each other and don’t let the others alone today.

With everyone calmed down more or less, he had felt comfortable enough to leave them, knowing they could cuddle and recover. While it had felt bitter, Jungwoo had left Jaehyun upstairs to take all the time he needed.

He hoped they would a least have a bit of breakfast and he hoped Taeil would sleep for a few more hours.

Whatever the case, there was an office to run that couldn’t just be closed on short notice. Come hell or high water, Taeil was never going to let his patients down, those who needed him to help them or potentially face their end.

Now, it was Jungwoo’s job to put helping others over his own feelings. He had promised he would and he could.

The staircase felt ice cold and lonely, but Jungwoo forced himself to hold his head high.

He was going to be a doctor.

Serious illness was part of the job, including serious illness in the family.

It was a family, even if it felt like right now it was all jumbled upside down. They had a bond and love for each other, respect and understanding.

They would come out on top.

Even if it felt like the world was ending right now and it would be easy to surrender, curl up, and cry for Yuta.

Yuta wouldn’t benefit from that. No one would.

“Do we have a special situation?” Seulgi asked, face solemn as Jungwoo came into room 1 where the mess from last night had not been taken care off.

He quickly pushed the open files away and closed his locker door where his pyjama had hung out of.

“We do. It’ll just be you and me today. I’m counting on your support?”

Seulgi smiled and pushed her hand on her hips, “Absolutely, always.”

Jungwoo took a shaky breath and smiled at her, “Thank you.”

He didn’t allow himself to feel anything while retelling a shortened version of last night’s events, he ignored Sooyoung’s gasp and Seulgi’s deep breaths and just asked for them to help him out today.

“We shall rule this office in a way that makes Taeil-sshi pale in envy,” Sooyoung assured him, her eyes a little shiny but she blinked her tears away.

“Thank you,” Jungwoo softly returned, and he meant it.

He knew Taeil’s team was more than just his family, there were more people to count on and to have his back now.

Still, he had to force a smile with every sickly patient he saw, he struggled to not feel for them, he found himself forgetting basic medication names because there was so much on his mind.

It was hard. It was so hard.

But Seulgi was there, whispering prompts when she could, patting his back while changing rooms, and Sooyoung left smileys all over the slips of paper she clipped to the doors where she seated patients, splitting herself to make up for Yuta and Jaehyun and not let Jungwoo down.

Because come hell or high water, they also would never let their patients down.

At eleven, Yuta had still been out like a light.

Now, it was a bit past twelve and Jugwoo came after having found Jaehyun in front of the door to the quarantine sector, still in his pyjamas and curled up on the floor, waiting.

Yuta’s eyes were open.

Jungwoo didn’t know how to do this, he didn’t know what to say, how to help him.

But he had to.

“Hey,” he softly greeted and closed the door carefully. Jaehyun had stayed outside. He had said he just felt like he needed to be here and guard.

Jungwoo hoped he could be swayed to go upstairs and grab lunch when he went, but he had left Jaehyun where he wanted to be.

Some instincts, he would never understand, but that was okay, he could respect them despite that.

Yuta turned his head away and Jungwoo’s heart sunk.

Still, he walked over and crouched down at the bedside, not yet daring to touch, but not wanting to tower over Yuta either.

“Why?”

Yuta’s voice was thin, tiny, lifeless.

It was scary.

“Yuta, you deserve all the time in the world you need, you deserve help and support and love. You deserve to live.”

Yuta’s head seemed heavy when he turned it with much effort. It was probably the medication still in effect.

“No.”

“Yes. Yes, you do.”

Yuta took a shaky breath, but there were no tears to shed in his eyes.

“I know I’m not Taeil-Hyung, but I can tell you just as much that we love you. I love you, Yuta.”

“But I failed. I’m broken.”

Jungwoo wanted to sob hearing Yuta say the same thing Taeil had, but he didn’t. He carefully reached out to take Yuta’s hand and felt Yuta hold on to him in turn, weakly, but enough that it was clear what it was.

Enough that he hoped Yuta accepted this second chance.

“You’re wonderful and funny and compassionate and caring and I love you for that.”

Yuta sniffed, but he didn’t disagree.

Jungwoo just sat there and held his hand for a few minutes until Yuta nodded his head and looked at him, eyes shiny.

“Is… is Taeil-Hyung… fine?” he rasped and Jungwoo slowly got out of his crouched position, stretching his legs as much as he could without letting go of Yuta.

“He will be. I’m sure he’ll come looking for you later. He might still be asleep, I haven’t seen him yet.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Do you feel pain, physical?” Jungwoo asked and shook out the IV to let the rest of the fluids drip down, still holding Yuta’s hand.

“No, I feel like I got the full morphine punch that’ll be enough to hallucinate,” Yuta’s voice was still thin but he looked up at Jungwoo and there was a bit of a smile on his lips.

It could be faked, of course. Thinking that it might, would probably become a thing now. But even if it was, at least he was trying to fake it because even a fake smile could make your brain believe you were happier than you were.

“Yeah, I guess you did. Let me take this out.” Jungwoo freed his hand and pulled the needle from Yuta’s arm, putting it aside to take with him later, but first, he stepped back to his bedside, “May I hug you?”

Yuta nodded and Jungwoo was careful to not move him too much on the bed because he was heavily medicated and not agitating him too much would probably be better. He carefully wrapped his arms around Yuta, feeling him tentatively return it, his hands coming to a rest on his back like he was unsure if he was allowed this.

“I’m sorry, Hyung,” Yuta whispered and Jungwoo carefully pulled back and helped him settle into his bed again.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for but you’re forgiven anyway, okay?”

“Okay.”

Taeil emerged from his room when Jungwoo was half-way through a hurried lunch to get back down on time, looking messy and still tired but smiling when he heard several gasps of his name.

Immediately, Jaehyun had forgotten about his three servings and latched onto him, challenged for his spot as the best hugger by Doyoung.

I must be hard, it must feel like failure, but no one would think any less of him as their adored Hyung just because of a situation so hard to handle it felt like it was impossible to.

From how he was hugged and cuddled, from how there was a tiny smile on his face, Taeil, too, knew that it wasn’t the end of everything but that they would figure it out and find a way.

The only one unmoving was Jaemin, staring at his empty plate to hide his face and his emotions.

If only he didn’t. If only he cared this much about Taeil, too. If only he understood he was loved here.

But he didn’t. He was a young boy still lost in life. As much as Jungwoo wanted to help him figure it out, Jaemin needed to accept him first.

When Jungwoo checked on Yuta around two, he found Taeil by his bedside, Yuta clinging to him, sobs ripping through the room, and Jungwoo carefully excused himself, leaving the two to it.

By half-past five, he was finally done with what felt like half of Seoul having issues of one or another kind, and when he locked the door behind Seulgi, he dropped his head against it.

It was hard to be the rock in the storm.

He was tired.

So tired.

But his day wasn’t over, there were a few more hours left in it.

When he came to pick up his pyjama from his locker to take home with him later, Taeil was sitting on the desk, Jaemin twisting around himself on the desk chair.

Jungwoo stopped with the door handle in hand, unsure what it was that was presenting itself in front of him.

“Hi,” Taeil smiled and he looked just a little less like the world was crushing him.

Hopeful.

He looked hopeful.

And Jungwoo’s heart soared knowing that he had found that again.

If there was a family to help, people to return the support you gave them and let you know that all the light you had put into their hearts would now be returned tenfold, things were easier.

“Hey, are we having a meeting?”

“Yes,” Jaemin stopped twisting and sat upright.

“Okay?” Jungwoo glanced between Taeil and the Hybrid. It was an unlikely combination. He wasn’t sure what to expect at all.

Or… wait, no, he had an inkling and remembered Jaemin saying he wanted to move out just in the morning.

Jaemin fighting, yelling, destroying the belongings of others’.

Jaemin needing a different home.

Jungwoo felt a little sick, anxious, but also knew his answer before anyone had asked.

“Jaemin came to talk to me, which I’m very happy he did,” Taeil softly started, looking like it still had hit him, but he, too, saw what Jungwoo did.

Of course, he did. He had been the first one to realise they’d need to change strategies.

Jungwoo just hadn’t thought of this as a way to change them, as a possible solution to the issue.

Because he had thought himself too immature and too inexperienced to do what Taeil did.

Today had shown him that he wasn’t. Not anymore.

Jaemin nibbled on his left hand and glanced around the room nervously.

“He said that he was sorry for the fights he picked and we talked about why he did it. He said he thought I wouldn’t like him as much because I had better Hybrids already,” Taeil’s voice was sad and Jungwoo felt his pain over the accusation but also over knowing how lowly Jaemin must be thinking of himself.

“Would you tell Jungwoo what you told me?” Taeil gently prompted and Jaemin left go of his fingers and nodded.

“I… I uh, I said I really, really do like him and I also really, really do like you but… I don’t know, I just, I just don’t like the others and having to share and all. But I said if I could have a different home, I’d really like to still come if he wanted and. Yeah. I just. Yeah,” Jaemin looked so unsure.

Jungwoo knew the perfect solution.

He wanted to let Jaemin be the first priority until he had understood how to share, until he had overcome the jealousy life had conditioned him to permanently feel.

He wanted to let Jaemin know the world sucked at times but it was also really beautiful and could be kind.

He wanted Jaemin to learn what a loving home was.

And Jungwoo was mature enough to offer one, he had worked to build one, he could now invite a puppy, lost in the gears of society, into it so he could learn what love was after being denied the chance before – how Jungwoo had learnt.

“Would you like to stay with me, then?” Jungwoo softly asked, almost worried to get turned down because, regardless of how tired he was and of how difficult Jaemin was, he could see himself in him and he wanted to help him find his way, how he had been allowed to do when he had been lost.

Jaemin jumped off the chair with a yip, that let Taeil startle on the desk and Jungwoo nearly stumble from the room, but just as quickly as he had shown the most positive emotion he ever had since coming here, he calmed down again, as if he couldn’t allow himself to be happy and show it.

“Y-yes?”

“Yes?”

“Yes! Please!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not a medical professional. I tried to research and I hope it wasn’t too cringey for anyone who actually knows stuff haha ^^;;;
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is where I hit writer’s block for two weeks, which were miserable, and then I deleted an entire chapter and did it over and, tada, here we are.

Taeil stared at the door Jaemin had thrown close behind himself. His eyes were still swollen but he looked like he had somewhat recovered from the night of pain.

“I had a feeling you’d want to take him in. I didn’t implicate it to him, but I think he hoped you would. He’s so hard to read but I think he does like you. If anyone, I’m glad it’s you who’ll take him in. I know you’ll be amazing,” despite his words, Taeil’s eyes became teary again and Jungwoo sat down on the desk next to him, leaving just two centimetres between them to not cross borders he had no right crossing.

Taeil found him hard to read.

But Jungwoo didn’t.

Maybe that could help him.

“He’ll have to be here during the day anyway. He’s not going anywhere. Just how I won’t,” Jungwoo softly reminded. It was hard to stay strong, but as Taeil sniffled, Jungwoo found it in himself to be for a few more hours.

“Thank you. Really. Just. Fuck, I can’t,” Taeil leaned his head back as if to try and blink his tears away, but instead, they started rolling down over his temples and his ears. Jungwoo chuckled and plucked a tissue from the dispenser behind them, carefully drying them for him, “It will be okay. Everything will be okay. I can do this. We can do this. It’ll be okay.”

Jungwoo wanted to hold Taeil, he wanted to kiss him and gently wipe these tears away, and wanted to tell him that it would.

He couldn’t.

“It will be,” Jungwoo hoped, no, he believed that it would be. And, one day, Jaemin would come back would be able to be fully part of this family.

Just how he would.

Until then, there was going to be someone to make Jungwoo’s home a home for two.

“Again, thank you,” Taeil’s voice was small, soft, and he looked at Jungwoo with an expression that said so much more than words could.

“I’ll go mad if you look at me like that,” Jungwoo didn’t realise what he said until it was too late. Maybe he was too tired, maybe he had gone all day without crying and it left his emotions in a mess, maybe it was just Taeil’s dark eyes frying the last of his brain cells.

Or all of the above.

“I’m going mad not able to say it,” Taeil whispered back, voice just a breath, and Jungwoo wanted to knock his head against the wall but he couldn’t and he didn’t because, damn, this was Taeil, this was the man he had fallen for, “Just… for five minutes? Ah, sorr-,” Taeil turned his head away but Jungwoo grabbed him and had his hand on Taeil’s neck to angle it up in the blink of an eye, kissing him for just a moment, but Taeil closed the distance again, his lips plush and soft, how they always were.

Five minutes were too short to empty his entire heart. But five minutes were what Jungwoo had needed. What Taeil had needed.

Because… it was the two of them relying on each other, no one else here to guide them.

It helped to remember that the other was there when times were hard.

When things were easy, boundaries weren’t much of an issue and more of a hassle. When things got hard was always when they both allowed to forget them for just a bit because neither of them could do this all alone.

And no one should have to.

When they walked to the back, so Taeil could check on Yuta once more and Jungwoo could go up and help Jaemin pack, it was both so much harder to return to normal and such a relief to have been allowed this moment during which Jungwoo could forget and let go.

There was noise in the flat, people yelling. Jungwoo decided that he had done enough for the day and left Jaehyun, Jaemin, and Doyoung to it, instead sitting down in the living room, where Taeyong could be heard from the kitchen and Kun was on the sofa, music coming from his phone on which he seemed to be watching a video.

“Hey,” he smiled and Jungwoo flopped down onto the pillows next to him.

“Hey. How are you doing?”

Kun had paused the video and put his phone aside to scoot closer until he was pressed against Jungwoo’s side, his tail brushing Jungwoo’s arm.

“Better. We all are. Thank you for giving Hyung the day off. We cuddled and just… made sure everything was okay. I know it will be. I hope Jaemin will be okay, too,” Jungwoo had threaded his fingers into Kun’s hair and softly scratched behind his ears, feeling the purr vibrate again his body.

“I’ll try?”

“You’ll be perfect. Well, no, no one is. But you’ll be good. I think he’ll open up if he knows to whom.”

Jungwoo hummed.

He didn’t know how many closed doors with pitch-black darkness were in Jaemin’s heart. If he knew, he might run screaming. But even if there were a million of them, each one he could open and illuminate would be important and would be helpful.

He wanted to try.

He wanted to show Jaemin the way and how beautiful the world could be.

Kun had needed time, too.

Now, they were here, cuddling like it had never been any different, like this had been his family all along.

If they had to go back, Jungwoo would do so in the blink of an eye.

Do it all again and again and again. For his family.

It would be the same for Jaemin. All the work was going to be worth it, Jungwoo was sure of that. He was sweet and cute underneath the anger.

As if summoned by thinking enough about him, an “I’m ready to go,” came from the door. Jungwoo ruffled Kun’s hair and got up.

“Let’s go home, then,” it never felt like going home but rather than leaving home to go somewhere to sleep, but for Jaemin it would become home and it would for Jungwoo, too.

The Metro was chaotic at this time of day and Jaemin running off every direction he got a whiff of an interesting scent from didn’t exactly make commuting any easier.

Jungwoo found himself chasing the excited Hybrid, pushing through people with constant excuses on his lips, fear making him grown anxious, fear to just loose Jaemin in the masses of people, never to be found again.

“Hyung, look!” Jaemin gasped with huge eyes and pointed at the fish cakes boiling in the soup of the food stall.

He was so tired. So, so tired.

But Jaemin’s eyes sparkling over such a mundane little thing as a shop selling snacks made Jungwoo smile faintly.

“Do you want to have some?” There was no real nutritional value to this but it was cheap and Jaemin nodded so wildly, his floppy ear wagged back and forth. It was worth taking a small break from the madness that Cheongsam station was for.

With Jaemin distracted by his soup and fish cake, their travels went much smoother. Jungwoo manoeuvred the Hybrid over the platform and into the train, squeezed against the door with their bags and Jaemin slurping the soup so loudly, some people gave them nasty looked but Jungwoo just couldn’t care.

If it made Jaemin happy, it was the only thing important right now.

The closer to home they got, the quieter Jaemin became. He made sure to actually stick to Jungwoo’s side, which was very helpful in lights of Wangshimni being just as crowded.

Again, it felt like he was taking the wrong stop when they pushed past the gates.

“Do you live here?”

“Yes, see that house over there? I live on the fifth floor,” Jungwoo explained and Jaemin followed his gesture.

Now, that there was no one to yell at, his sweet nature shone through and helped Jungwoo to stay calm.

It would be fine.

“Woah. It’s different from Taeil-Hyung.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t have the type of money he has.”

“Why?” Jaemin cocked his head, “You do the same, right?”

“Hm. Not really. I’m a trainee, so, I make less because I still need to watch for many things. Taeil also has a mother that support…s him and I don’t.”

Jaemin nibbled on his lower lip and turned toward the house again.

The silence felt awkward and Jungwoo guessed it would for some longer but they would work on that.

He typed in the combination and just called the lift because he was much too worn out to take the stairs.

Jaemin bounced next to him.

“Want to walk up? It’s the fifth floor, you can just wait for me?”

“Yes!” Jaemin yipped and dashed off.

Jungwoo looked after him for a second, then returned to staring at the metal of the lift doors.

There suddenly were tears in his eyes and he didn’t know why.

Well, maybe just the overall overwhelming day it had been was enough to finally make him snap. That wouldn’t be too odd, all things considered.

What a whir of emotions, what a mixture of worst-case scenarios.

But it was going to be fine.

He could do this.

He had just proved he did.

He had been Doctor Kim, strong and unshakable, for an entire day.

The lift doors opened and Jungwoo sniffed and soaked the tears off his cheeks, stepping inside and dragging Jaemin’s luggage along.

At least, he wasn’t going to be alone.

“Here’s the border,” Jungwoo dragged the chalk over the tiled floor of his living room, drawing a wonky square around the futon, he had unrolled from Jaemin’s bags and put into a corner of it for a lack of space.

“Inside is mine?”

“Inside is all yours.”

Jaemin had his eyes narrowed and watched closely while Jungwoo finished and straightened back up.

“Good.”

“Everything else is mine. You are allowed to borrow the bathroom and the sofa.” Jungwoo explained.

It felt ridiculous but Jungwoo was going to try this approach, based on how Jaemin had shown to perceive reality until now.

“Everything in the bathroom?” Jaemin asked to reconfirm.

“Yes. But please be careful with care products, humans have different needs than Hybrids.”

Jaemin nodded and turned to flop down onto his futon, rolling over it a few times.

Jungwoo wished he could at least hug Jaemin.

But Jaemin didn’t want to be cuddled and he had to respect that.

“I’ll make dinner.”

If Jungwoo had thought drawing out a square and removing the main sources of jealousy from Jaemin’s life would fix things, he had been wrong.

Well. It did help. With the territorialism.

To a point.

It had been a bit naïve to think that was how it would work, but he had been tempted into believing there could be this quick fix.

He remembered Taeil saying how he had grown more anxious with every Hybrid he had adopted.

Jungwoo could see why.

First, it was no meat that was ‘unfair’.

Then, Jaemin having to get up and dressed early.

Then, the cereal instead of soup for breakfast.

Then, the train being crowded.

Then, having to stay upstairs while Jungwoo worked.

Grocery shopping was dumb, watching TV was dumb, helping in the kitchen was dumb.

Jungwoo tried to go to the park with Jaehyun together with Jaemin on Sunday because Jaehyun and he usually did. While Yuta was still healing, it’d just be the two of them.

Needless to say, that hadn't gone well. Jaemin had continuously blocked him and growled Jaehyun to ‘not come closer to _his_ Hyung’.

Jungwoo hadn’t expected to become property to a Hybrid but here he was. Jaemin just blankly blinked at him and said but he was his now and it all made perfect sense.

Well, at least it made sense in Jaemin-world.

It was just so hard. So, so hard.

Even the smallest everyday routine got whirled up and turned into something to put massive energy into, to get done.

Jungwoo laid in bed and reminded himself that Jaemin was scared and confused and lost. He didn’t mean most of the things he said.

Still, it drained him. Every insult, every tantrum, every explanation that landed on dead ears took patience and energy.

Jungwoo just wanted to get through to him!

But Jaemin’s walls were reinforced concrete and Jungwoo had only brought an axe, thinking he was going to break them down successfully with that.

He should have known it wasn’t that easy.

How much he related to Jaemin, he had been naïve to not realise.

It was hard.

So hard.

But he had to give it time – give them time. He wanted this, he wanted this more than anything.

“Jungwoo, I don’t mean to kick you out, please don’t understand it as something it’s not, but I think you need to spend the weekend with Jaemin. Alone,” Taeil gently rubbed Jungwoo’s knee.

Jungwoo stared at the ceiling. He could almost hear Jaemin’s complains through the concrete.

He wished this was easy.

Well.

It wasn’t.

“You think it’ll help?”

“Yes. I do think that,” Jungwoo clung to Taeil’s voice, calm and understanding, helping him “We know he’s jealous and I know you just want to continue integrating him in small steps, but I think you need to go back further before you can try that. If you focus exclusively on him, he might really feel like he was put first and can take a break from constantly competing with the others. If he can’t learn that, everything else is too much for him.”

He needed help, he wanted help.

He had tried and tried and all he got was Jaemin throwing around his books, his cutlery, and, when offered attention, pulling away and declaring the world dumb and unfair.

“But he hates everything. Everything is dumb and unfair.”

Taeil chuckled and sat on the bed next to Jungwoo lying.

“Still take him. He might realise it’s not. He knows so little about the world, most of his opinions are just fear and ignorance because he doesn’t know what things are, so, to make sure no one realises he’s scared and clueless, he’ll announce them as dumb.”

Jungwoo nodded. He knew Taeil was right. He had seen it, too, and, of course, Taeil, the one with so much more experience, had as well.

He might not read Jaemin like a book, but he was still the one who was raising five Hybrids.

He knew things. He could help Jungwoo.

“I just want to cuddle him and… it be okay. Hyung, I have so much anxiety I want to start the day crying. Am I doing this all wrong? I wanted to put him first but it’s so much harder than I had ever imagined!”

Taeil squeezed his thigh tighter.

“No, you’re not. That’s normal, to realise it’s all so much more difficult in practice than in theory. It actually sounds like me a few years ago. If you realise what you did wasn’t right for him, you accept that and change it, try as many times as you need until you find the solution that works for you. You’ll get there, remember, you can do it, if anyone, it’s you who’ll be able to.”

Jungwoo turned his head a little because…

That was new.

“Why?” he whispered because it was his line. Taeil hadn't used it before.

“You have such a soft spot for him because he reminds you of yourself, right? He reminds me of you, too. Not anymore. But when you first came. The way he doesn’t show emotions and doesn’t give his opinion when he could, but just makes one up or deflects.”

Jungwoo sniffed and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to cry, he didn’t but, fuck, it was hard.

“But look at you now, Jungwoo,” Taeil’s voice was so soft, so full of unspoken praise of… love.

Yes.

He could look at himself now and tell the world:

See, how far I’ve come!

See, what kind of change and growth is possible!

“So, that’s why. You’re exactly the right person to help him. You can do it and I’ll be here and help you however I can.”

“Don’t…. don’t steal my lines… this is plagiarism,” Jungwoo blinked to force his tears away. He didn’t want them right now. He wanted to be proud, he wanted to be hopeful.

“Sue me?” Taeil chuckled and Jungwoo joined it, feeling it run like warmth over his skin.

It felt good. This support, this love – it was better than any love-triangle drama could ever be.

“Yuta wants to come back on Monday,” Taeil chipped into the silence that their dying laughter left.

“Isn’t that too fast?” Jungwoo turned, worried.

“I discussed it with Seohyun-sshi and him but he said he loves his job and it’d help him more to be here and do something than lie around the flat and waste away and that makes sense. He’ll be my fixed nurse for now, so he won’t be alone. That was his wish. And it’s mine, too.”

Jungwoo hummed. It made sense.

He knew Yuta loved Taeil. He knew everyone needed a sense of direction and purpose in life. A reason to live.

“Good. I’m looking forward to Monday then.”

“Me, too. Have a good weekend,” Taeil smiled and patted his leg one last time. Jungwoo nodded.

He wanted to have a good weekend.

It was just a bit out of his hands.

“I don’t care.”

“Well, we went to the park last time, did you like that?”

Jaemin wrinkled his nose, looking judgemental and like all he remembered was barking at Jaehyun and pushing Jungwoo around.

Well, that was what Jungwoo remembered.

“I guess. I don’t care. Do whatever.”

“I don’t want to do whatever, I want you to have a good time as well as me,” Jungwoo tried to explain. He knew Jaemin didn’t have issues making decisions, how Kun had had, but putting his own opinion second was still closely related and something he was a serial offender in.

It was hardly better than not making any decisions at all in how it left Jungwoo to guess and prod and end up still being the one to patronise Jaemin when that was not what he wanted.

Jungwoo had an entire Sunday to exclusively focus all his energy, all his time, on Jaemin, how he had wanted to do when asking if he wanted to live with him. It was his duty to break these problematic habits and Jungwoo would try harder because he hadn’t been doing enough.

“Why?” Jaemin turned around on his futon, both his ears sticking up from how he had moved all directions. It looked odd. Wrong. Jaemin’s ears weren’t even, he was cuter with how they naturally were.

“I’d like to have fun and relax from work. I do like my work, but I enjoy having a day off and doing something different. Everything can get boring when doing too much of it, right? There’ll be only you and me and I want both of us to have the chance to unwind and have fun.”

“Yeah?” Jaemin asked, looking more interested now, “Just you and me? Are you sure?”

“Yes, I want you to feel really welcome with me and know that I’ll put you first. I feel like I haven’t done that yet when it was what I wanted to do the most.”

Where he had just seemed excited over being the only one, Jaemin now retracted as quickly as he had perked up.

“I still don’t understand why,” he curled up and blinked through his fringe. It was long. It seriously needed a cut.

Jungwoo hated that he sat on the sofa and talked to Jaemin like they were doing an interview, one of them the host, one of the unreachable idol.

But Jaemin had declined the offer to cuddle and Jungwoo had no place to push him into anything.

So, why?

In theory, it was easy to answer.

In reality, Jungwoo found himself searching for the right words, worried there was more behind the simple question because it was so easy to read into it, layers upon layers of more that were hidden in one sentence.

How had Jungwoo opened up when he had been set on hiding?

By Taeil opening first. Taeil had given him the matches to light the fuse and Jungwoo had been the one to throw them away.

It had been scary, back then.

Now, it was easier. The dark rooms Jungwoo had dreaded were no longer haunted with shadows, the past healed for the most part.

He still missed them.

That never went away.

But he could remember them rationally now, could see the issues and appreciate the few things there was a reason to be grateful.

He had a new past to look back upon fondly instead. A wonderful past – with shadows and pain, yes, but no new dark rooms. He hadn't had to close any doors but had been able to be open and thus not let it pile up until it hurt so much.

He could give away the matchsticks to the fuse now.

And if Jaemin let it blow up, he’d pick up the pieces, put them back together, and try again.

“As you can see, I live alone. I know you looked at the photos on the walls. Did you notice anything in them?” Jungwoo softly started. He had seen the fingerprints on them and he, honestly, had been waiting for Jaemin to destroy them.

He hadn’t.

“They’re recent,” Jaemin whispered, “With Taeil-Hyung and the others. And the women I don’t know.”

“Yes, they are. The women are called Joohyun and Jennie and I’d like to introduce you to them soon if you want. They’re all recent because I don’t have old ones and even if I had, I wouldn’t want to hang them up. The family I grew up with kicked me out when they found out I was gay, that I like men rather than women. They disowned me and left me with nothing.”

Jaemin had sat up and looked so genuinely shocked Jungwoo felt sorry for having to tell him but it was important. It was his past and to understand Jaemin’s past, to help him to open up, Jungwoo would let him understand his past first, would open first, so Jaemin could truly understand why it was, that Jungwoo wanted to offer him a home so much, why he felt so soft for the puppy he hardly knew.

“Really? They… they do that?” he whispered.

“Yes. Some. Because they don’t understand something that’s different, they just see it’s not what they want and thus it’s wrong to them. I was really, really lonely for long. And really scared. So scared, I didn’t even allow myself to be who I am. I didn’t tell people when I liked something because I was scared. I didn’t laugh when I wanted to, I didn’t cry, I just suppressed it all.”

A thousand emotions played over Jaemin’s face.

Because he didn’t know how to properly put up a façade and Jungwoo could read him because he knew how to and what to look for.

If now he could only break past what Jaemin was able to put up, make him realise he didn’t have to hide.

“I came to Heaven for my internship. I thought Taeil-Hyung was just bonkers because of how he behaved, but my mind was soon changed when I got to know Yuta, Taeyong, Doyoung, and Jaehyun. Kun wasn’t with them yet. They welcomed me. They invited me along, they talked to me, they listened to me, they laughed with me, they allowed me to be myself without having to be scared. Just being myself was enough to be accepted. No one hurt me, no one insulted me, no one thought less of me.

“Instead, the more I opened up, the longer I was there, the more I grew to love them and the more they grew to love me. At first, I was just a friend. Slowly, it became more, I became part of the family. Now, I can’t even imagine a life without them anymore because of how dear they are to me.

“Still, I live here and not with them and when I come home, I am alone. You said you felt like Taeil wouldn’t want you if he had other kids that need attention just like you do.

“I don’t have anyone else like that. But I’d like to have.

“I don’t want to tell you the world isn’t an awful place with so much unfairness that it hurts and makes me want to cry and scream and just not even try. She is, but that’s not all. If you focus on how much beauty she has to offer, the world isn’t that bad. There’s laughter, there’s fun, there’s spring days that smell of flowers, there’s winter nights the taste of snow. There’s light and there’s love.

“For me just as much as for you.

“I know you’ve faced terrible things. Worse than what I have. For me, those things that hurt me felt like darkness in my heart. I wasn’t able to chase the shadows away, I thought I was doomed to live with them forever. But Taeil-Hyung was the one who came into my life like a flame of hope and, with help, I was able to face the darkness and defeat it. It took time. But it’s okay to take time and it’s okay to accept help.

“You don’t have to do this all on your own. I want to be there for you and help you find the light – but you have to open the door and let me in.”

Jaemin had uncurled and was listening attentively, eyes shiny, and Jungwoo wished he could hug him and pet these cute ears to reassure him how much he wanted to offer a home for him.

“I… I just… I don’t… understand… why me? I… I’m not… obedient or… cute… or… smart,” Jaemin sunk into himself, looking at Jungwoo with so much pain, but clearly so desperate to hear him tell him he wasn’t.

What would be easier?

“Being obedient sounds awfully much like just being a puppet, doesn’t it? I don’t want a puppet, I prefer a person. To me, you’re extremely cute – but that’s subjective. You like pink, I like blue, remember? Everyone will like something else – so you’ll never be able to please everyone. Why not please no one and just be yourself? Nevermind smart and educated aren’t the same things. If you want to be more educated, that’s in your hands. I can support you to become, but I can’t put any knowledge into your head, so, it’s your choice. It’s never too late to learn, even if you’re 80 you still can.”

Jaemin slowly scooted to the edge of his futon but he still was having more questions, Jungwoo saw it in his face.

It was good.

He wanted to be asked.

He wanted to answer.

If he could answer, he could show Jaemin the path there was. He could help him if he knew where the darkness and the doubts were.

“But I don’t deserve to be loved!”

Jungwoo felt his eyes widen in surprise at Jaemin stating this like it was the law of gravity.

Jaemin stared back at him, again, hoping to find Jungwoo disagree but clearly convinced by his own statement.

How was it, once more, so close to what he had lived years and years of his life believing applied for himself?

“Why not?”

Jaemin hesitated, doubt overcoming him.

That was where they seemed to be different.

Because Jungwoo had known why he hadn't been deserving of love.

Being different wasn’t bad, though. It was good.

“I… I don’t know. But I know it’s true. I… I know I’m a bad person. When… when I…” he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “When I break something I… I don’t feel sorry. I don’t have respect, Taeyong-Hyung said.”

Jungwoo was quite sure that this was where he should hand things over to Junmyeon, but Junmyeon wasn’t here right now.

He’d just have to try.

“You’re right. Respect is an important basis for love. If you can’t respect someone, you can’t love them and vice versa. How about me? You didn’t break my pictures, did you?”

Jaemin glanced over to the wall where they hung and shook his head.

“Why not?”

Once more, Jaemin was at a loss for an answer. He just stared ahead of himself.

“I… I don’t know?”

“Is it because you respect me?”

Jaemin shuffled around, clearly unsettled by the thought.

“I… I guess? Yes. I do. Respect you. Because you’re… You’re really weird and friendly.”

He knew they’d figure it out.

It seemed like a lot now, but they’d get there.

“See? That’s a basis for love. And since you can love, you’re also deserving of love. It’s a two-way road.”

Jaemin flopped down, apparently overwhelmed by the information but it seemed to have clicked with him.

Jungwoo watched him. He just watched how Jaemin stared at the ceiling, fingers and tail occasionally twitching.

“I didn’t know,” Jaemin suddenly whispered, sounding a little choked up.

“That’s okay. I also didn’t know. That’s why I’m here for you.”

Jaemin nodded and started wiggling around until he could look at Jungwoo again.

“I’d really like to do something fun?” he softly asked and Jungwoo felt himself smile because, yes, he wanted to do something fun, too.

“How about going to the park?”

Jaemin wrinkled his nose.

“Yeah. Only with you!”

“Yes, only with me,” Jungwoo agreed and Jaemin nodded, his ear cutely flopping around.

Jungwoo was regretful over choosing to go to the edge of Seoul just because it had a great park just 12 hours later.

“Jaemin!”

At least the Metro wasn’t as crowded on a Sunday morning and he only nearly trampled over a family with toddlers while chasing Jaemin all over every train station they had to change at.

“Hyung, look, it’s sparkly!” Jaemin dangled the charm in front of him and Jungwoo wanted to look at it and admire it appropriately but he was out of breath and sick in worry that Jaemin might get hurt.

Taeil had recommended to just wait for Jaemin to return.

Jungwoo couldn’t do it.

He knew, rationally, that’d probably teach him but…

What if someone said something mean to the puppy?

What if he stole something because he didn’t know it’d have to be paid for and got into trouble?

What if he accidentally got lost?

“Jaemin, please, don’t run off,” Jungwoo wanted to grab him and hold him but he had tried once and Jaemin had wiggled his hand away like he was an eel. Jungwoo had gotten the message loud and clear.

“But Hyung, it’s so exciting!” Jaemin’s tail was wagging and… god, Jungwoo couldn’t keep his annoyance and worry up, he just melted like ice in the sun and nodded.

This was where he should be stopped, so Jaemin didn’t end up a spoilt brat.

But… how could he? This puppy had been through so, so much, he was still hurting so, so much, it was just a train station and a bit of running, right?

“Okay. Let’s go back to our train to go to the park?”

“Right,” and off Jaemin was.

Jungwoo wanted to cry. Just a little.

But there was no time to, he had to give chase.

“Jaemin, wait!”

“At least you’re getting a work-out, you were always a little quick to be out of breath,” Yuta grinned and patted Jungwoo’s arm. It felt good. To have him back. Jungwoo leaned his head against Yuta and let him pet his ears.

Jungwoo was so tired, it was like he had had no weekend at all.

But it was okay.

He was making progress, wasn’t he?

He definitely was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	30. Chapter 30

Or maybe he wasn’t.

It was all just so difficult when Jaemin yelled about unfairness over nothing through the flat, stomping and kicking. Jungwoo just wished he could leave him here and burn out in his tantrum.

But he couldn’t.

He needed to address what was wrong.

He needed to help Jaemin understand.

Even if he had to explain a million times, Jungwoo wanted to do it until it’d finally click in the puppy’s stubborn head.

He waited for Jaemin to finally calm down and explain as to why having the green workbook and not the blue was unfair.

He waited for Jaemin to finally calm down and explain why having to re-purchase toothpaste and it now having a changed label was the end of the world.

He waited for Jaemin to finally calm down and explain why he couldn’t hug anyone else anymore when Jaemin didn’t want to hug him, in the first place.

He had Jaemin swipe up the shards of the picture-frame had thrown.

It was just a printout.

It could be replaced.

“Sweetie, oh my gosh, it’s been way too long!” Joohyun squeezed his cheeks and Jungwoo wanted to relax for an evening but he couldn’t when he heard growling behind himself.

Tired.

So tired.

At least Jaemin didn’t throw himself between him and others anymore.

They _were_ making progress.

It was just easy to forget they did when the progress was marginal in comparison to the problems.

“It has,” Jungwoo leaned down to hug her and ignored the growling.

Jaemin had to learn to share.

And that Jungwoo wasn’t property – just as much as he wasn’t.

“So, Joohyun, this is Jaemin, Jaemin, this is Joohyun, my childhood best friend.”

“Hello, Jaemin. I was so excited to meet you!”

Jaemin looked at Joohyun with unconcealed suspicion and when she bowed, he gave a very quick one back before he turned and barricaded himself under his blanket, in the corner of the living room.

“Did I do anything wrong?” Joohyun whispered, glancing over to the blanket fortress.

“No. He… is like that.” Jungwoo tried to smile but it had to come out crooked. Joohyun looked like she understood and ran her hand down his arm.

“Okay. Just making sure.”

“Let’s just… have a fun evening, okay? It has been too long,” and Jaemin had agreed to meet her, had been eager to.

So, Jungwoo wasn’t going to send her away just because Jaemin had now changed his mind, apparently.

He could properly meet her another time, talk to her. Hopefully.

Joohyun nodded and settled next to him on the sofa, looking around.

“Ah, it feels like coming home,” her smile grew wider and Jungwoo sighed deeply, leaning against the backrest heavily.

It still felt wrong to him.

“Guess the furniture…”

“Yeah, the scent, too. Oh! You got a new frame?”

“Hm. One broke.”

Had been broken.

“How’s work treating you?”

“Good. I occasionally feel like a doctor,” Jungwoo chuckled and pulled his legs up. He noticed Jaemin glaring at Joohyun from his fortress.

“Rightfully so. I’m already introducing you as a Hybrid medicine doctor and not as a student anymore. Completely unrelated but before it slips my mind, again, Jennie and I were thinking about New Year’s Eve. With so much stuff for our theses, we both nearly missed it and now it’s already just a few weeks away.”

Jungwoo jerked upright.

“Guess being a doctor kept you from remembering, too!”

“Fuck, I totally forgot!” It was the end of November now.

Two months and three weeks with Jaemin.

Two months and three weeks with hardly any progress. Or so it felt. Jungwoo glanced at the glaring fortress-owner.

No, there was progress, there was a bouncy and happy puppy in the house on Sundays, sometimes. He articulated himself much better, too. He didn’t declare everything to be dumb.

Jungwoo’s head hurt. No, he was on the right path. He was doing everything he could, he was adjusting everything he realised was wrong.

There was no master-plan how to do this, that he was failing to act according to. There was no perfect solution, that he was failing to learn and apply.

No human was perfect. No Hybrid was perfect.

He was doing his best. That was enough. That was all anyone, including himself, could ask of him.

Jaemin just needed time. He had time, he had to force himself to take that time and be patient.

“Well, you’re very much invited, of course. Significant others and kids can be brought upon prior registration with the officials, aka us,” Joohyun giggled, “Rosé, Lisa, and Jisoo will be there. Lisa will bring her boyfriend. My parents might send Wendy to stay with me over New Year. I offered. My sister should be the one taking her, seeing how she always wants her to come when she wants her to babysit, but she will drop the babies off somewhere and said she wouldn’t be able to take a Hybrid where she was going to go.”

Joohyun rolled her eyes and while Jungwoo, generally, agreed 100%, he couldn’t help thinking it was a wonderful opportunity, for entirely selfish reasons. Those were okay to sometimes have.

“Oh, that would be so nice, I haven’t seen her in forever!” he felt himself grow so nostalgic, he wanted to cry. Maybe that was the pent up stress and anxiety, too.

During the time he had lived in Joohyun’s room, hidden, Wendy had been the only other person knowing he was there.

There was no way to hide from a dog Hybrid.

She had looked out for him and kept their secret for them. Sometimes, she had just sat in the room so he wouldn’t be alone.

He had not yet had realised her potential back then. He had grown up knowing her as a pet.

He wanted to make it right if he got the chance to.

Jungwoo ignored the growling. Jaemin had to learn.

“I hope she’ll not be overwhelmed at a party, poor her. She’s eight years older than us, after all, but I doubt anyone took her to one before. Well. Not like she’d complain,” Joohyun sighed and pushed her hair back, looking over to where Jaemin was clearly unhappy.

“You might like her,” she smiled and Jaemin disappeared under the blanket.

Jungwoo closed his eyes for a second.

“I’ll come, with Jaemin. I know Taeil-Hyung will spend New Year at home but I think I’d rather not be there after Christmas.”

He could already picture Christmas.

Maybe, he should just stay here with Jaemin?

But he didn’t want to.

He didn’t want to have Jaemin stomp around and complain and throw tantrums, nor did he want to sit in front of the TV alone while Jaemin would read comics, when his family would be curled up on the sofa and watching Disney.

Jaemin was his family, too.

Just…

If only it was easier.

“Great!”

“Now, how’s the thesis coming along? And the applications?”

Joohyun grimaced.

“Thesis okay, applications disappointing but not surprising.”

“Damn.”

“I’ll send some out to companies if I don’t get any positive answers for the doctorate openings by December. That or unemployment and I don’t want to rely on my parents for a second longer than absolutely necessary. I don’t want to have to go home for Seollal. Jennie’s mum offered I could come to hers and I want to. I want to so, so much.” Joohyun’s eyes turned a little glassy as if she was imagining herself on a table, sharing dishes and stories.

She looked, how Jungwoo felt when thinking about going to Heaven to eat until he felt sick and then laze around in his pyjama all day.

Like she dreamt of home and family.

Was it that? To her?

“Please, tell me more, tell me everything. We hadn’t had the chance and I want to know what makes you so happy.”

“You’re right. We hadn’t and… I am? I think? It’s all still so… new.” Joohyun’s eyes became a bit teary, “I was so scared for her to tell her.”

“I know,” Jungwoo had spent hours reassuring Joohyun when Jennie had said she wanted to tell her mother she was a ‘big, fat lesbian’.

“I’m just glad Jennie’s braver than me. And her mum a better person than mine and wanted to meet me instead of shaming her. When I met her… she… hugged me and said how pretty I was and how glad she was that Jennie had someone in her life and…” Joohyun blinked away a tear, chuckling, and Jungwoo brushed over her hair.

“She asked me about my major and my thesis and ambitions. She kept saying how pretty I was until Jennie said that was her job to tell me. She kept giving me more food and asked if I had preferences, so she could make them next time. Jungwoo it’s… like… family. I… can’t even explain it. I didn’t know I missed it until I had it. I mean, I love you, you know that, but like my best friend.”

“I know. It’s different,” Jungwoo muttered and tugged the hair behind her ear.

“Yeah. Now, I know, too.”

Jungwoo felt like crying as well because he was so happy for her.

That she had found this even if she hadn’t been lost and looking for it.

She deserved it.

So, so much.

Just how Jaemin did, curled up under his blanket and unmoving.

It had taken years for Joohyun to find this. He had to give Jaemin more time, too. It’d be okay.

They shifted to get more comfortable. It felt different from how it had when they had still been living together. But not only that. I also felt different, now, that Joohyun had this place she could call heaven.

Like she was more grounded even though she already had been a pole of support in Jungwoo’s life before.

Or, maybe, it was him being so up in the air.

Now, with Jaemin.

Had it been quiet before, though?

Well, it certainly had been quieter than it was right now.

“And? Has the flat been christened yet?” she asked, her voice soft and barely a whisper. Hopefully, soft enough for Jaemin not to hear – though he might not understand the implication.

“I’ve been living like a monk, what do you take me for?”

“The person always losing never have I ever. And people seriously have the audacity to say love doesn’t have the power to change a man.”

Jungwoo felt his face flush.

“Now, I just have to figure out how to let others know that,” he muttered and looked over to Jaemin’s bundle.

Joohyun followed his gaze and her face softened. She took his hand and patted it.

“A ship is safest in the port and I know it took you a while to find that port, but, in the end, that’s not what ships are made for.”

Jungwoo nodded.

He knew.

Nothing grew in comfort zones.

“I’m so proud of you for being brave enough to set sail and let someone benefit from that heart of gold you finally wear on your sleeve.”

To know she thought so highly of him even if he didn’t think he was deserving of that much praise, meant the world to Jungwoo. Especially right now, that everything seemed so much, that he constantly had to remind himself he wasn’t failing and he could do this.

Even after proving so many things… the hardest part was that it still felt like Taeil was ahead of him and he was still trying but yet failing to catch up.

Not to the point of Taeil seeming like an unreachable idol. No. Not anymore.

But he was always just a step ahead, more experienced, more understanding, more mature. The one genuinely good and selfless and kind.

“I…I hope I can.”

“Yes, you do, Sweetie. I see you doing your best to make the world a better place, right here. And it’s beautiful!”

Maybe surpassing Taeil wasn’t his part in life and that was okay, too.

Joohyun telling him that he was doing his best, that he was doing enough, was his reminder that no one asked for perfection from him.

His reminder to have patience and understanding for himself, too.

That he was a decent enough person to be considered kind by others.

She was his rock in the storm.

Joohyun smiled and Jungwoo scooted down further before he just couldn’t hold his tears back anymore.

He didn’t want Jaemin to see them. But he knew Joohyun could. He could show them to her and she’d be there for him.

Joohyun just held his hand and rubbed it, letting him cry everything out silently, that had been pent up for a few weeks now.

Over Yuta. Over Jaemin. Over challenges.

It wasn’t hysterical, he didn’t feel sick after nor had a headache.

He just felt relieved and like he had let out a bit of the frustration so he could go back with more energy and more patience. Surer of himself, more confident in his own abilities.

“I’m always here for you, okay?” was all she whispered once the tears had run dry and Jungwoo nodded.

“Thank you. Me, too, okay? I’m always here for you as well.”

“I know. Though I feel like where I take one challenge in life, you always take three.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I never did. Maybe now,” Jungwoo played with the pillow and, unconsciously, looked where Jaemin was hidden behind the sofa’s backrest.

“Maybe it’s because your life always turns out more dramatic. That’s possible,” Joohyun chuckled and pushed her fingers through his hair.

“I live for the drama, you know me,” Jungwoo couldn’t keep a silly smile because he really didn’t but if he thought about it, there had been many over-dramatic situations in his life, where hers had been a little quieter. Which was odd, seeing how she had always been ‘too loud’ and he ‘too quiet’.

“Yes, I do know you. Still. Five years ago, the only way to imagine you with a child would have been… well, none. Because, at the very least, the risk of pregnancy during your endeavours was always zero.”

Jungwoo hummed.

And then realised something.

“I never told Taeil-Hyung I was a total slut,” his voice was just a breath.

Joohyun’s eyebrows rose so quickly, her entire face fell.

But it was true. Not like it had ever come up or anything.

Because they had not talked much about sex or… at all. Their relationship wasn’t sexual – not yet anyway.

“Don’t talk about yourself like that!”

“Yeah, well, but… it’s true and shouldn’t I let him know?”

Jungwoo wasn’t sure if he’d mind. Honestly, if he would, that would be an issue for Jungwoo and then…

Was he now taking the liberty to think himself into a panic?

Wasn’t that Taeil’s job in this non-relationship-relationship? Hadn’t he just cut himself some slack to now forget about that all again?

“Jungwoo, let’s be very real here… I think there are more important matters and I also think we’re all adults who realise that kind of past means pretty much nothing, other than perhaps a bit more practice?”

“Right.”

There were more important matters.

Much more important.

Namely, the Hybrid they were trying so hard to keep out of this conversation by whispering as softly as they could.

“I don’t want to go. It’s unfair.”

Jungwoo tried to remember that he had just cried two days ago and was totally fine.

He didn’t need to cry again.

It wouldn’t help.

He still wanted to.

“Why is it unfair if we go to watch movies with Taeil-Hyung for Christmas?” he instead asked, keeping his voice light and unworried, showing Jaemin that it was okay to have concerns and he was here to talk but there was no use in throwing another tantrum.

“Because.”

“That’s just a word and not a reason. Don’t forget the corner.”

Jaemin groaned and dramatically wiped the corner of the bathroom’s floor.

Probably normal teenager behaviour.

He really needed a hair-cut. He had said he didn’t want to. Because – surprise – it was dumb.

“I don’t like the others.”

“What would you like to do instead?”

“Nothing.”

Yeah. It was going just great.

“But it’s my holiday and I’d like to spend it doing something fun. Watching movies, to me, is fun. Hanging out with my family, to me, is fun. I don’t want to do nothing.”

Jaemin looked up at him and his frown faltered.

“I don’t care, then.”

Which was putting Jungwoo’s opinion above his without even discussing it and also not at all what Jungwoo wanted.

It was okay, Jaemin needed time to realise his opinion was important, he was important.

Jungwoo would show him as many times as he needed until he’d believe it.

“If you don’t have anything you’d rather do, maybe we can at least make it so it’s a nice day for you as well since you just said you’d not enjoy it. Would you like to sit by my side on the sofa?”

“No. I’m not a baby.”

“Is sitting by people’s side just a thing for babies?” This was new information and Jungwoo paused his scrubbing of the shower to properly focus on that. There were many things Jaemin was not allowing himself to do.

To keep himself safe, Jungwoo was sure.

He had seen it plenty before, most prominently, with Jaemin refusing any physical closeness.

Something that Jungwoo was 99% sure was an issue. There might be people who didn’t need physical affection – but Jaemin was most likely not one of them or Jungwoo was reading him all wrong.

He didn’t think he was. He thought it was something to continue to work on.

Which was why he was not going to let it slip when he had the chance to address it right now when he had just gotten a glimpse into why Jaemin was so harsh with himself.

To be able to do so, he had to understand him. Every detail Jaemin was willing to give him was an important one.

“Yes.”

“Huh. Why? It’s nice, though.”

Jaemin paused as well, staring ahead of himself.

“Well, it’s better if I can be strong on my own. And I can. I’m very strong and adult…y.” He decided and resumed wiping.

Maybe being independent and mature had been something people had asked of him? Maybe it had been the only way because any childishness and softness had been punished? Or it had just not had any room where he had come from, how Jungwoo’s father had tried to harden him by letting him cry on the sofa for hours?

“Well, of course, it’s good if you can be. I also know you’re very strong. But it’s also okay to have others to rely on. I like sitting next to people, would you see that as weakness or fault?” Jungwoo knew Jaemin was not mature at all, or most of the arguments they were having would never take place. It was okay that he wasn’t, but he didn’t want to fight him on it right now.

One day, Jaemin would look back and realise that himself. Everyone did.

“No. Not when you do it!” Jaemin gasped and looked up, the sweet boy under the façade showing for a moment and Jungwoo clung to it.

“Why is it different when I do it?”

“Because. You’re human. You’re, like, perfect.” Jaemin, again, had this look on like he was stating the law of gravity.

It was cute.

But Jungwoo nearly laughed because of how wrong and how idealistic it was.

“I’m really not. I’m quite far from it.”

“No. You are.” Jaemin sat up again and stared at Jungwoo so intensely, it made him feel a little faint.

Why?

Why did Jaemin think he was perfect, yet, he would never show that?

How did his reasoning work, how did he see the world?

Jungwoo would really like to know.

But he didn’t.

He was just trying to navigate the perceptions of a puppy who seemed so similar in some, but completely different in other ways.

“Didn’t you think I was weird?”

Jaemin furrowed his brows.

“Yeah. You are. But you’re still perfect. You can be both.”

“Well, if I can be both, then you can be strong and still accept cuddles if you feel like it. You do like cuddles, right?”

Jaemin tried to shake his head but Jungwoo could see the lie.

“But that’s contradictory. I can’t be strong and weak.”

“Isn’t there strength in allowing yourself to be weak, though?”

“That’s just d…” Jaemin swallowed and clutched the wet rug.

Jungwoo waited.

“I don’t understand that,” Jaemin whispered and glanced up.

For a second, Jungwoo didn’t know what to answer.

It was like time stopped, to allow him to feel this moment as important as it was.

To feel pride, to feel relief, to feel accomplishment.

“Okay. That’s… that’s okay.”

Jaemin had never said that before.

He had sometimes known, sometimes assumed that to be the reason, just how Taeil had pointed out before, and reacted accordingly, but Jaemin only ever declared things as dumb and wouldn’t admit he was struggling to comprehend them.

He wanted this. This was… wonderful. Being able to explain, learning how Jaemin thought, what made him struggle, what he didn’t understand yet. It was the only way Jungwoo could truly get to help him and he wanted that.

He already had so much affection for this side of Jaemin, enough to get past the tantrums and the insults and the difficulties.

They seemed past them, right now. They were at the point where they could talk, could find out more about each other.

Where he could open doors to illuminate dark rooms.

Where he could show Jaemin love because he deserved it more than anyone in the world, as far as Jungwoo was concerned.

“Just now, admitting you didn’t understand it, how did that feel?”

“Dumb.”

Jungwoo took a deep breath, “Would you say scary describes it?”

“I’m not a baby. I’m not scared!”

“Okay. Not scary then. You felt vulnerable, right?” Jungwoo put his rug away and stepped out of the shower, sitting down on the edge of it, “I could have laughed at you, for you not knowing even though you know it’s okay to not understand something, right? It was a risk you took.”

Jaemin was wiping the wall, which didn’t need to be wiped but wouldn’t take harm.

“Yeah. I guess. Junmyeon-Hyung said it was okay to say I didn’t know.”

“Yes, he’s right,” Jungwoo had been trying to get that into his little head, too, but if Junmyeon had been the one to manage, he was glad he had. It wasn’t a competition, Junmyeon was his support, “It’s very okay because like this, I can now explain it. So, overcoming the worry that I might make fun of you, that took bravery, strength. You admitted a weakness, you allowed yourself to be weak. You were strong enough to be weak.”

Jaemin was still wiping the wall in tiny up and down motions. Again, Jungwoo didn’t like the distance but it was Jaemin’s preference.

“So… you would be okay without cuddles. But you’re strong enough to still do it?” Jaemin asked after a few more beats of silence.

“Well… yes. I don’t need them. But I really like them and, to me, things feel a lot easier with them.”

Jaemin had taken down the rug and just stared a the wall now.

“No one wants to make fun of me when offering them?”

What?

Oh god, that was… Jungwoo took a deep breath and let his frustration go.

Jaemin’s perception of reality was different and sometimes they’d have to very much think outside the box to understand him.

“No. We just offer them because we like them and thus conclude you like them, too.”

Jaemin hummed.

“I mean. I don’t. But. I guess if you like them… you should cuddle the others. Because I don’t like them. Totally.”

Well.

That was definitely progress.

“Okay. I will. If you change your mind, let me know.”

Jaemin nodded and turned, giving Jungwoo a short look before returning to his floor.

“Can I have strawberry Pocky for Christmas? If I had them, I think it wouldn’t be so bad.”

Jungwoo had thought he was past baiting Jaemin with food.

He definitely wasn’t.

“Sure.”

“Okay. Thank you. For explaining, too.”

“You’re welcome. Please ask me the next time something’s unfamiliar, too.”

Jaemin nodded.

So, at least that worry was taken care of.

It didn’t really change Jaemin getting into fights with Jaehyun and Yuta, and Taeil nearing heart-attacks when he saw Yuta roll over the floor.

His stitches were out and his wrists plastered mainly because Yuta couldn’t bear looking at the angry red skin.

Jungwoo understood.

It made him feel nauseous as well.

“So, like, is this the stone-age we’re in? Disgusting,” Donghyuck wrinkled his nose and Jungwoo could already see Jaemin on his throat, but Jaemin was on the ground, pinned down under Jaehyun.

Why Donghyuck was here, he wasn’t sure but, allegedly, he had been bored. Johnny was on the sofa with Yuta flipping through a photobook of nature photographs. He also wasn’t sure why Johnny was here but did it really matter?

“Shut up!” Jaemin growled and Jungwoo took the rice from Taeyong to set on the table. Thursdays, he made sure to finish his break timely because the afternoon was his solo-shift.

As were Monday afternoons, now.

“Jaemin took my chopsticks!” Jaehyun pressed the puppy down harder and Jaemin kept trying to break free.

He did yoga with Jungwoo every morning and joined the irregular runs, to let off some of his endless energy, but he lacked dense, strong muscle, that Jaehyun had.

It was probably better than he did. Jungwoo wasn’t going to do anything about it.

“Like they aren’t all the same. Dogs,” Donghyuck huffed and his tail slowly moved over the backrest on which he was balancing effortlessly.

“Take that back, dumb cat!”

Donghyuck yawned. Somehow, Jungwoo wondered if this sort of attitude was making things worse or actually helping because Donghyuck was not going to be bothered.

Ever.

There was no other person Jungwoo knew that was as much of a whirlwind of confidence as him and as unapologetic.

Jaehyun seemed to get second thoughts about the importance of HIS chopsticks but Jaemin had no such maturity. When Jaehyun let him go and he tried to get Donghyuck, the cat Hybrid scratched him across the face at lightning speed.

So, that was that for Jungwoo’s timely break.

“I hate him! Owww,” Jungwoo tapped the cotton over his cheek as carefully as he could.

“You were the one to attack him.”

“But scratching is foul play!”

Jungwoo had never seen a need to get into this, but, apparently, he should catch up?

“You don’t do that?”

“No, of course not! Biting at maximum. Dumb cats!”

“Well, maybe it’s different for cats?”

The infamous rivalry between cats and dogs came from contradicting body language, as far as Jungwoo knew.

“I still hate him.”

“Okay.”

“Why don’t you care?”

“I do care but if that’s how you feel, that’s valid and I’m not going to tell you you can’t do that. Maybe you could sit down and talk with Donghyuck about this being an issue for you? His scratching? He might not know it’s foul play to you.”

Jaemin huffed and puffed but he finally nodded.

“Ear scratches?”

“No!”

At least there was some progress, right?

When they returned upstairs, lunch was almost half gone, especially the popular and less healthy dishes.

Jaemin whined until Johnny had mercy and spared a piece of fried chicken for him.

Jungwoo remembered that night in October. He kind of wanted to forget about it, including the day that had followed, but he couldn’t. It also held good memories. But more hard ones.

It seemed like it had been forgiven and forgotten for them.

It was good to see Johnny do that for Jaemin. It was good to see Jaemin not fearing Johnny but realising it had been an accident that he had provoked.

Everyone was willing to give Jaemin a new chance to get it right.

For some, Jaemin had already used up so many new chances, that they were hesitant, starting to pull back. That was okay, too. They shouldn’t give up more than they were able to. It wasn’t selfish to put their own selves first if he never gave back.

It wasn’t them who had agreed to take him in and raise him.

That was him.

Jungwoo had more to give. He got back enough to refuelled his strength, he had enough other sources to recharge.

He was determined to empower that cute and sweet puppy, so he no longer needed to hide behind bitterness, and make him show himself to the others, too.

“Jungwoo? Could you please prescribe Hana something with Pseudoephedrin? I know she’ll come for check-up and I’m pretty sure she’ll be done with the one I prescribed her,” Taeil asked when Jungwoo had just put his dishes away and was about to grab Yuta to go down so he’d be super-on-time. He was blocking the door, looking like he knew Jungwoo wasn’t going to.

And Taeil was right.

“Hyung, it’s pretty much a placebo, it’s a waste of money.”

“Jungwoo, a placebo is still helpful. You can not prescribe it for your patients, but I made good experiences with it.”

Jungwoo wanted to argue how ridiculous this was and that Taeil was just lining some pharma boss’s pockets, but… well, Taeil had his brows furrowed and glared up at Jungwoo and the arguments somehow all had fled his mind.

It remained an issue, even after three and a half years. Jungwoo’s heart was inconveniently racing and he had to lick his lips.

“Right.”

Taeil grinned, a mischievous smirk, and Jungwoo wanted to kiss him.

But he still had a few months left.

Only a few months.

His final exam was going to be in autumn 2016, it hadn’t yet been scheduled.

That was less than a year.

Before he could get dumb ideas, Taeil turned away to help Taeyong and Kun with the dishes, leaving Jungwoo to calm down.

Yes, his love was more of a comfortable ingle, had been for a while.

But these moments still happened and threw him off.

Because he was fucking in love with Taeil.

Jungwoo took two deep breaths and got over himself. He had to go down and work and not fantasise over his boss. This wasn’t a fanfiction.

“Yuta? Hey, what are you looking at?” he leaned over the sofa’s backrest. When Taeil wasn’t working shifts but writing, Yuta stuck to him. Not always. Occasionally, when he felt well enough, he took lab duty again. But that was rare and it was okay that it was.

While ‘mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell’ was the correct answer to most questions in high school biology classes, ‘time’ was the right answer to so many questions regarding the health of the mind. Time, patience, understanding, and therapy.

“Photos of a forest.”

Johnny sighed at the clearly ignorant statement.

“It’s a new photobook by my favourite photographer. She’s extremely talented, she captures nature like no one else, look how vivid these pictures are!” Johnny excitedly gestured at the…

Forest.

“Wow. They’re really… green.”

Johnny sighed even deeper.

“Sorry, I guess I’m not really one for art?” Jungwoo felt a bit bad but he really had no eye for this.

Johnny shut the book and ran his big hand over the cover carefully.

‘YoonA’, it read.

Jungwoo nearly choked.

No.

That _had_ to be a coincidence.

“Uh, the photographer, Johnny, do you know more about her?” he asked, trying to be nonchalant and glancing up at the clock because he had a job to return to.

But…

What if?

“Yeah, sure. Her profile is also in here.” Johnny opened the first page, “She’s still quite young and only recently made a name for herself but, well, look at this! She studied photography and won a contest at her uni, the money from which she used for her first trip to Vietnam to capture the nature there. There’s no one like her anywhere in all of South Korea, in my opinion! I think she’s from Gunpo. She’s really talented. Gifted, even! You can make up for that with practice but there’s something in these that you couldn’t achieve without it coming naturally to you.”

“Oh, really? Hyung, aren’t you from Gunpo, too?” Yuta looked up from the first page.

From the portrait picture printed onto it, a young woman smiling into the camera, as beautiful as a flower, how people had always said. She still was. A bit more mature, but she was 25 now, so, it was to be expected she didn’t look how she had at 20 anymore.

“Yeah, I am. Come on, it’s almost one, I want to be on time.”

“Oh, right. On my way.”

Yuta nudged Johnny’s shoulder and scrambled off the sofa.

His smile wasn’t as bright as it had been.

But that was okay.

At least he wasn’t hiding anymore.

At least they could help him if he didn’t pretend he was fine anymore.

When Jungwoo looked down the hallway, he saw Jaemin and Donghyuck at the end of it, Jaemin’s face red and set in anger but Donghyuck looking quite unmoving.

So, he was talking to him?

Because no one was on the ground and no one was yelling.

Jungwoo felt a proud smile spread on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should clear up what ages everyone in this AU has: [List of people with changed birthyears](https://i.ibb.co/JdGrDbc/Ages.jpg</a)

Jungwoo woke to the sound of glass crashing.

He wanted to pull the blanket over his head, turn around, and go back to sleep.

He didn’t want to have to do this.

Hadn’t they been making progress?

There had been so fewer tantrums and he had not missed them.

It was almost Christmas and while that didn’t really mean anything to him, he appreciated the holiday for letting him come together with the people he loved, take a break and just spend time, enjoying togetherness and love.

He had thought they were getting there?

He rubbed his face. It was okay. Two steps forward, one back. It was okay. He could do this. He wasn’t failing. Jaemin wasn’t failing.

Jungwoo stepped into his slippers and hurried from his small room, to the equally small living room.

And paused.

He had expected to see pictures on the floor.

But there were none, all of them were on the walls, where they were supposed to be. Neither had it been his plates or glasses or cups, the kitchen was dark and empty.

He heard sniffs and it wasn’t hard to guess where to look because only the bathroom remained.

“Jaemin?” he pushed the door open, carefully poking his head inside.

The mirror was broken, a hole in the middle and cracks spreading all over it from there, shards in the sink and on the ground.

A broken mirror meant back luck.

But instead of Jaemin looking back without regret, just trying to get attention, provoking a reaction, Jaemin looked up with tears down his cheeks, his brown eye looking darker and his blue looking lighter than they normally were.

He was clutching his hand and Jungwoo saw blood.

“Jaemin, oh no, are you hurt?” was his first reaction and Jungwoo heard glass crunch under his shoes but he didn’t care.

“I’m sorry,” Jaemin’s voice broke and he looked so downright miserable and sorry, Jungwoo had all forgotten about his silly frustration with thinking it’d be Jaemin just trying to rile him up.

It was just so hard, Jungwoo found himself behaving how he didn’t want to, either, expecting the worst instead of believing in the best.

But he could try to make up for bad thoughts he felt embarrassed over having.

“It’s okay, did you cut your hand?”

Jungwoo tried to reach out but Jaemin jerked away, more tears dripping from his eyes and Jungwoo froze.

Oh no.

“Don’t hate me, please!”

_Oh no!_

He looked at Jaemin, really looked, and his eyes were glassy from more than just the tears.

“I’m sorry, please,” his voice got smaller, softer, lighter, like he was a younger version of himself.

Someone who had gotten told he was hated.

Shit.

_Shit! _

“It’s okay. I… I don’t. It’s me, Jungwoo?”

Jaemin blinked and seemed to snap out of it, but not really because he now started sobbing and Jungwoo’s heart was so heavy, so full of pain for him, but he didn’t know what to do.

He tried to reach out again and, this time, Jaemin didn’t shy away.

Jungwoo was relieved. But not really because there was blood running down Jaemin’s hand and arm and he was shaking from his sobs.

He sounded so miserable, like the pain Jungwoo saw on a daily basis in him, when he tried to cover it up with anger and stubbornness, had suddenly become too much and broken.

Of course, it had. This had been doomed to happen at some point because Jaemin just internalised it all.

At some point, you couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Jungwoo knew.

He fucking knew because he had been the same.

But it meant he hurt even more for the sobbing puppy.

Please, he just wanted to help him because, exhausted, clueless, and overwhelmed or not, Jungwoo liked Jaemin so much. He was a child that was so sweet but scared to show it.

He was a child that was different and hadn't found his place yet.

“Jaemin, let’s look at that, okay? It looks like it hurts.”

“N-no, I’m okay, please, I… I’ll try better,” once more Jaemin jerked away and Jungwoo tried to piece together what he had said to trigger him this time.

His… name?

“You don’t have to. You’re already wonderful the way you are.”

Jungwoo seemed to get through to him and Jaemin nodded even though he didn’t stop crying.

He wished he could help him. It was heartbreaking and awful, yet, he had even considered whether to go and look after Jaemin for a second.

He hadn’t done it, but he had thought it.

He wasn’t going to do it again!

It was okay, he was learning, he was trying, it was all new, even after months because they both needed time.

Important was, what he acted on. A bad thought could happen and he didn’t need to torture himself over that for hours.

He was going to help Jaemin!

He took a deep breath and reached out for his bleeding hand again and Jaemin held still for him.

There were shards stuck between his knuckles and Jungwoo winced just looking at that.

He glanced down and saw Jaemin’s bare feet between the sharp glass.

“Can you let me pick you up? I don’t want you to hurt yourself more, okay?”

Jaemin nodded and went perfectly limp when Jungwoo grabbed him by his shoulders and brought his other arm down to support his legs.

Like he didn’t know how to react to touch.

It broke Jungwoo’s heart all over but he didn’t have time to address everything at the same time. First things first. Jaemin was heavy and he had to get him out of the bathroom and into the kitchen.

Despite reacting like he didn’t know what to do, Jaemin had stopped shaking and sobbing the moment Jungwoo had picked him up, subsequently pulling him against his body similarly to how he would be in a hug. Now, he sat on the counter like someone had cut the strings holding him but, but he didn’t return to heavy crying.

Jungwoo picked up a tissue from the dispenser and reached up to gently pat it over Jaemin’s face.

“Hyung, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, J-, it’s okay, I’m not mad.” Jungwoo didn’t know if he was right, but what if he was? Who had hurt Jaemin with his _own name_? How cruel and terrible was it to make him scared hearing it?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I just… I’m sorry I’m so ugly.”

He had known Jaemin didn’t like his appearance.

He hadn’t realised it was to this extent.

There were so many things to do at the same time, so many closed doors, Jungwoo felt like he was constantly just running between them, rattling on handles.

Occasionally, he seemed able to open one.

It was just that there was so much darkness in Jaemin’s heart, so many things he’d have to help him with, that it could feel like they weren’t making progress.

Jungwoo knew that was wrong. That they were moving ahead. After all, Jaemin was talking to him now, letting him touch him.

They had already overcome so many obstacles. With time and patience, they’d slowly tackle them all.

“You’re not at all. I think you’re very handsome and cute.” He didn’t even use the word ‘ugly’. The less he did, the less it had a chance to stick in Jaemin’s stubborn head.

Jungwoo took Jaemin’s hand to inspect it. It looked worse than it probably was.

“No. You like blue. I should have blue eyes. I know it’d be better if I did.”

Jungwoo turned on the tab and let some water clean out the wound. He had his kit under the sink, so he kneeled to down to get it, opening it to find pinchers and disinfectant.

“You’re not here to please me with your looks. Or anyone but yourself. Nevermind I don’t think I’d like two blue eyes better. I think the heterochromia is very charming and unique. You’re beautiful the way you are!”

Jaemin whined when Jungwoo pulled the pieces of glass out and he was sorry but he held on tightly and didn’t let Jaemin pull away.

“Why? Why? I don’t understand this, I just…I don’t… I don’t remember! Why don’t I remember?”

Jungwoo looked up.

He didn’t remember?

What did he not remember?

But Jaemin seemed lost in his own head, chasing memories he couldn’t access, eyes squeezed close and new tears over his cheeks.

The knuckles weren’t a good place to sew and it didn’t look like they needed stitches badly enough to still try. Jungwoo washed his hand out until Jaemin had overcome whatever was haunting him and opened his eyes.

“What do you not remember?” Jungwoo softly asked, rubbing his thumb over the back of Jaemin’s hand while watching the water turn from red to clear.

“Wh-when I was little. I don’t remember. I only remember… a-a bit and… I know my… mum telling me I… I shouldn’t have this be-because I reminded me of-of my dad and… and that hurt her and…” Jaemin broked off in a sob and Jungwoo grabbed a kitchen towel to wrap around his hand for now.

Jaemin went limp again when Jungwoo pulled him off the counter and supported him against his front, planning to take him to the sofa only.

But his sobs calmed down and turned into small sniffs and Jungwoo, despite struggling a little under the weight of the 15-year-old, slowly walked in circles, holding Jaemin as tightly as he could.

He wanted to cry for him. He wanted to go back in time, make it right, never let Jaemin be stuck in a place where he got abused by his own parents.

But he couldn’t.

And Jaemin needed someone strong to rely on.

Jungwoo could be that for him.

So, he just walked around the sofa slowly, waiting until Jaemin had calmed down and no more new tears rolled.

Maybe this was a loophole? Because Jaemin didn’t want to be cuddled but clearly reacted positively to it, exactly how Jungwoo had been quite sure he would.

Taeyong and Kun had said Hybrids needed physical affection more than humans. That it was an instincts thing.

Someone with territorial instincts this strong had to have other strong instincts as well. Jungwoo refused to believe Jaemin didn’t, now, that he had been presented with this evidence.

When he set him down on the sofa, Jaemin curled against his side and Jungwoo kept his hands to himself despite wanting to caress over his head, pet these adorable ears, but he knew Jaemin wasn’t ready yet and that was okay.

They had time.

Jaemin was holding the towel, not saying a word, and Jungwoo wasn’t sure what to say either.

“Can I help you clean up? I am really sorry for making a mess,” Jaemin finally whispered.

“You’re forgiven, it’s okay. You can help me. We have to be careful because glass is very sharp,” Jungwoo suddenly remembered that he had never checked the time and looked around in a panic, but when he saw the clock on the wall, it read 5:30 am.

“Do you really not think I’m ugly? Can you say it again? Please?” From how Jaemin looked up, Jungwoo felt like crying all over.

Because he had asked.

Because he wasn’t using his bitterness to hide.

Because someone had let him think he wasn’t.

“Yes, of course. I think you’re very cute and very handsome. You’re beautiful just the way you are.”

A tiny smile spread over Jaemin face and Jungwoo wished it’d be this easy.

He knew it wouldn’t.

But he’d have to keep trying.

“You’re very pretty, Hyung! Like… super pretty! I wanted to tell you. Yeah.” Jaemin pulled on the towel and inspected his hand, where blood had started clumping.

Jungwoo felt weirdly… happy?

Yeah.

Happy.

“Thank you. Now, Jaemin, about what you can’t remember…”

Jaemin looked panicked and Jungwoo wanted to slap himself.

Not the name!

Fuck!

“D-did you tell Junmyeon-sshi about it?” Jungwoo tried to carry on.

One thing at a time. He hadn't done it on purpose.

“N-no I… we talked about more recent things so far and… it’s always so much and… I felt embarrassed. I do. It’s dumb to not remember your own past!”

“It’s not dumb. Maybe it’s just yourself keeping you safe? Because that was a very hurtful time for you?”

Jaemin played with the fur on his tail, pushing it around.

“I guess?”

“Will you tell Junmyeon-sshi about it? So he can help you?”

Jaemin pushed against the growth so the fur stuck up.

“Okay.”

“And…” Jungwoo swallowed. How should he do this? How should he ask if Jaemin didn’t like his name? “I’d like to bandage that.” He bought himself time.

Jaemin nodded again and stood up, turning to the kitchen aisle where he hopped onto the counter and waited, Jungwoo following and picking his kit back up.

He didn’t want Jaemin to feel embarrassed or become protective or think he was doing anything wrong.

Just…

How?

Jungwoo spread salve over the cuts, something he had plenty of experience in, before starting to wrap it up, going between Jaemin’s fingers and up those where cuts sat, then over his knuckles and down his hand to really secure it in place.

Right! Nicknames! He could use nicknames!

Jungwoo was so glad to have thought of that, he had to take a deep breath.

He could do this. He wasn’t failing, it was just new and a lot but he could do this. He wanted to. For his puppy!

“Is there a nickname you like?” Jungwoo glanced up and Jaemin snapped out of where he had been watching him work.

“Nickname?”

“Yes, a cute name for yourself?”

Jaemin clearly hesitated but from how his eyes flitted around and he nibbled on his lower lip, Jungwoo got the inkling that he already had one that he used for himself in his own head.

Because he didn’t like his real name.

“Isn't that dumb?”

“No, why should it be?”

“Because.”

Jungwoo finished the bandage up by sticking a plaster over the loose end.

“That’s not a very good reason, I’m not convinced.”

He looked up and Jaemin glared back but only for a second. He couldn’t keep his fake anger up.

“You’re weird. It’s for babies. That’s why.”

“Is it, though? Doesn’t everyone call Johnny Johnny, when that’s not his real name? He’s not a baby, is he?”

Well, he kind of was, a big one, but Jungwoo guessed that was his own impaired view.

“No. What’s his real name? I thought it was Johnny?” Jaemin looked like the argument had worked for him because he leaned a little closer, eyes attentive.

“His real name is John.”

Jaemin’s mouth formed an o.

It just took time, but Jungwoo had time for Jaemin if he got these moments in return, he had all the time, years, decades even.

However long Jaemin would need, he would be here.

“I didn’t know.”

“So, since he uses a nickname, don’t you think you could use one, too, if you wanted to?”

Jaemin slowly nodded, brain seeming to be in overdrive.

“But only for you!”

“Why only for me?”

“Because… okay, wait, Hyung, I have an argument!” Jaemin furrowed his brows, clearly thinking hard and Jungwoo waited while packing his kit up. He probably didn’t need to bother going back to bed. It was early but not early enough anymore.

He was ought to be dead-tired in the evening but that was fine. He could go to bed earlier. Making progress, understanding Jaemin better, helping him out of the darkness in his heart, it was all well worth a bit less sleep.

“It can only be for you right now because I like you the best!” Jaemin suddenly announced and Jungwoo’s heart was heavy with sappy happiness.

Jaemin beamed at him, clearly pleased with his own reasoning even though it was Jaemin-world-thinking, but Jungwoo was probably long past reason anyway.

How could he not when this puppy was finally coming out of his shell of anger and stubbornness, showing such a cute small smile, talking to him instead of throwing tantrums?

“Okay. So, in the future, if there were other people you liked, you’d allow them, too?”

Jaemin nodded, “Maybe Taeil-Hyung. In the future.”

And… somehow… it felt very, very weird to be the first choice over Taeil.

Because everyone’s first choice was Taeil.

Even Jungwoo’s own.

But now… _he_ was first choice.

He was the best.

“Okay. Thank you. So…” Jungwoo had to swallow past the tears that choked him up. Happy tears.

Because he was worth being first choice.

He was the one that… had a kid now… that would look up to him.

Not Taeil.

Him.

“Which name would you like?”

“I, uh, I like Nana?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	32. Chapter 32

Jungwoo spent two evenings in Junmyeon’s office, always feeling like he hadn’t just gotten advice and feedback regarding Jaemin’s progress and issues and how to help, but also getting consultation himself.

He might have needed it.

Regardless.

It was progress.

Serious progress.

Okay, there still were tantrums, Jaemin still complained about unfairness and Jungwoo kept running through Metro stations instead of peacefully commuting.

But it was ok.

There were more moments of Jaemin asking why, now.

He helped Jungwoo replace the mirror.

He spent hours staring at the photo of Jungwoo and him, that Jungwoo had hung up in the middle of the others, having rearranged everything but wanting this to be the centrepiece.

Because…

He wasn’t even sure.

He wasn’t sure how parents felt… probably not like this, yes, but he wouldn’t call it anything else but paternal love he felt for Jaemin while explaining how apes had evolved, while explaining why people kissed and why it looked so awkward and unpleasant, while helping him fry tofu, and while watching him slowly smile more and scream less.

And when it all seemed just a bit too much, he either called Joohyun or laid on the patient bed in office one after finishing his shift, Taeil spinning in his chair.

He was getting there, it’d all be fine.

He could, finally, believe that himself.

“Hyung, why is there this old bunny on your keys?”

Jungwoo jerked awake from where he had been dozing off, realising he was still on the train and really shouldn’t be sleeping but he was just a bit tired.

Even though everything was going how he liked it to.

He needed a break.

It had felt like every patient had come in for something today, the last day before Taeil’s annual Christmas holiday, to the point that they both had worked the entire day and even two extra hours in the evening.

Jaemin had his keys in his hand and was gently stroking over the Cony charm.

He was right.

It was old and it looked it. White wasn’t a colour that aged well and it had been on there for over three years now, which had taken quite a toll on it.

Jungwoo held his hand out and Jaemin dropped his keys into them.

“Many reasons. We have to get off. Thanks for waking me up.”

“I didn’t to get out! I wanna know, come on, Hyung this isn’t fair!”

Jungwoo dragged Jaemin off the train regardless because he wasn’t going to travel over Seoul for the fun of it.

Nevermind… how should he tell him without provoking a jealous reaction?

Okay, Jaemin had gotten much, much better at that, especially ever since announcing that Jungwoo should go cuddle other people if he liked to do that.

How should he tell him without giving away what was technically his and Taeil’s secret?

Then again… his kids knew. Taeil might insist that they didn’t but Jungwoo wasn’t as blind on that eye.

The ever-moving mistletoe, that was like a trap to get caught together under, was just one of many pieces of evidence that Taeil remained oblivious to.

It, so far, had only had found one victim and that was Taeyong and Kun, who had ended up giving each other the stiffest kiss in the history of kisses, both with their eyes squeezed closed and clearing wanting it to be over but too insistent that it ‘might be bad luck’ to not do it.

“Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me,” at least Jaemin wasn’t running off anywhere and instead hanging off Jungwoo’s arm until the door fell shut behind them.

Just to make sure, Jungwoo kept the key in his hand. Jaemin hadn’t in a while and Jungwoo was very happy he hadn't, but he knew he could be very destructive.

“Nana, maybe I don’t feel like sharing it because it’s a secret?”

Jaemin paused and looked up from where he was still clinging to Jungwoo.

“No?” His eyebrows furrowed and raised a little, bi-coloured eyes wide and shiny, and a tiny pout on his lips.

How could he say no to these puppy eyes?

How could he when Jaemin was asking and opening up and being so sweet and cute?

Where was someone reasonable to stop Jungwoo?

“How about you get a hair-cut and I’ll tell you?”

Jaemin looked mildly horrified, but it didn’t last too long.

He seemed _ver_y curious.

“Okay. I will.”

“Promise,” Jungwoo held out his little finger and Jaemin scrambled to hook his own around it, squeezing tightly. A smile tugged on Jungwoo’s lips.

“Well, there are many reasons. Come on, let’s go and prepare dinner and I’ll tell you while we do.”

Jungwoo had the key in his pocket and, for the first time in years, reached into it to squeeze it while Jaemin stacked the side dishes to put on the table.

He was a bit nervous.

Again, it was quite personal. He didn’t remember telling anyone this before.

But Jaemin had been so honest with him, telling him about having holes in his memory from his childhood, telling him when he didn’t understand something… he wanted to be honest, too.

“So, I told you that I came to Heaven for my internship and it was the first time I was just invited to hang out without having to do anything to prove myself?”

“Yeah, Hyung, can we buy jerky again, it’s almost empty?”

“Yes, put it on the shopping list. We went to see boat race on Cheongdam bridge in 2012 and Yuta won money because he bet on the winning boat. He used his prize to buy me this charm and Taeil the matching one of Brown. I mean. He didn’t buy it as a couple but. Yeah.”

Jaemin had started glaring and Jungwoo had already expected it.

It was just instincts and feelings mixing.

“So, you have it because it’s Yuta-Hyung’s gift?”

“Among others, yes.”

“That’s dumb. Yuta belongs to Taeil-Hyung. You shouldn’t have his mark of ownership!”

Jungwoo wanted to groan loudly.

He didn’t.

But he sighed under his breath.

“It’s not a sign of ownership. It was a present because he felt like it. If anything, it’s a sign of affection, but I don’t belong to anyone, just as much as Yuta doesn’t belong to anyone, and you don’t belong to anyone.”

Jaemin tried to snatch some raddish with his bare hands and Jungwoo stopped him.

“I still don’t get that. Like. You’re my owner. So. You own me. And I own you?”

Jungwoo knew it was sad, but this was how Jaemin thought because he couldn’t know any better, yet, so, he found himself smiling because, well, somehow, it was cute to see his reasoning, hear him explain it, and also – Jaemin was still set on wanting to own Jungwoo.

He would have ruffled his hair but Jaemin didn’t want that, so, he couldn’t. Even though he really wanted to.

“Well, technically, I don’t own you. Taeil-Hyung does. But, again, people can’t be owned.”

“Yes, they do! Taeil-Hyung does own me. You’re wrong, Hyung!”

Jungwoo paused and stared at the wall.

He was so tired.

But Jaemin needed to learn.

“Let’s sit down, okay? This is complicated.”

He reached into his pocket and squeezed the bunny for entirely different reasons.

“You look like you’ll fall asleep before Ariel even loses her tail,” Taeil chuckled and Jungwoo leaned against the door while he heard Jaemin and Yuta growling and rolling over the floor.

“I explained Hybrids’ legal status, slavery, sentience, and why the world is so unfair last night. Or… I tried,” By 01:30 am, Jaemin had somehow seemed to have gotten to a satisfying understanding of the matter at hand even though he said that the world really was the shittiest place and he might not like humans anymore now.

Which was okay.

He had every right to not.

At least he understood now and could make an educated decision. Jungwoo would continue to work hard so he could find new faith in the world.

With Jaemin being such an open sweetheart right now, it felt like it was all possible.

“Hyung! You have to come choose a film and draw for the lottery for the order!” Taeyong appeared in the door, his tail swishing behind him in excitement, a fluffy and pink pyjama making him look like a model from some clothing brand.

That hadn’t happened in a while. Jungwoo still remembered when Taeyong would always come to the door but it felt forever ago at this point.

“Right, be there in a second,” Jungwoo hung up his coat.

Yes, he had travelled across Seoul, to Gangnam, out of all places, in a pyjama. A fresh one, specifically to wear for Christmas on the sofa, but a pyjama nevertheless.

So had Jaemin, to the Hybrid’s utter joy.

Taeil was in one of the satin two-pieces he always wore. He looked soft and tiny and so cute. Jungwoo really wanted to stroke his hands over the silky fabric and push them into his unstyled and floppy hair.

Maybe kiss him?

Maybe more?

If only.

Next year, he could.

Next year, it’d be different.

“Are you going to pick Brave again?”

“Obviously. And you? Beauty and the Beast?”

“Obviously,” Taeil grinned and nudged Jungwoo’s waist. They shuffled into the living room, where Jaemin was munching on the first of five packs of Strawberry Pocky, his lonely chair pulled to the sofa so he wouldn’t have to cuddle anyone.

Maybe, soon. Maybe.

The DVD closet was opened and Hybrids squeezed in front of it, Jaehyung’s tail continuously whipping Kun’s and Taeyong’s, but it didn’t bother them.

“Did you choose something yet, Nana?” Jungwoo asked and Jaemin glanced up from his sweets.

“No.”

“Why not?” Jungwoo kind of wanted Pocky too.

Good luck getting that, it wasn’t going to happen, not in this life, probably. There were some thing to work on and some to just accept.

“It’s…” Jungwoo noticed five Hybrids turned their direction, all knowing what he was going to say.

It’s dumb.

Jungwoo smiled and Jaemin’s ears tugged back a little.

“I don’t know any of them.”

There was a beat of silence.

“Oh no, I didn’t remember that could be a thing! I’m so sorry!” Taeyong gasped, eyes wide.

“Do you want us to help you choose?” Kun softly offered while Jaehyun was already a step ahead.

“Okay, these two are my favourite favourites, though I also really like Beauty and the Beast but I know Taeil-Hyung will choose that, so, can you pick one of these? That way, you can get to know them and choose yourself next time?” Jaehyun held up Aladdin and Frozen.

Jungwoo’s heart swelled in pride. For both Jaemin to have been brave enough to admit his lacking understanding and for the kids to immediately step in and pick him up where he was, so he’d not stay behind.

It had been obvious almost all of them had already given up because Jaemin hadn’t taken the many chances they had given him, hadn’t changed anything.

Now, that he had, had opened up, they gave him another.

“Your child likes CGI Disney, Hyung,” Jungwoo whispered under his breath, hearing his own voice just a little shaky from emotions.

“I don’t know where I went wrong.”

“That one, it looks prettier,” Jaemin pointed at Frozen.

Taeil had a mischievous smirk on, one eyebrow raised, when he turned back to Jungwoo.

He had to swallow because 1) Taeil was implying that _his child_ had even worse taste and 2) Taeil was still in this big pyjama and his hair shiny and soft and the raised eyebrow did very funny things to Jungwoo’s emotional brain and heart and tummy.

Next year. Next year, he’d get to grab and kiss him for it.

Jungwoo’s Brave ended up in second to last, so, likely, he would miss it because the sofa was impossibly soft and comfortable.

He had Taeyong draped over his lap and Jaeyhung leaning against him from the other side. Taeil was being used as a heating and cuddling spot on the other couch, that he had recently bought second hand and that did not at all fit the rest, as immediately asserted by his mother.

‘Taeillie, this is no place for a nice partner to live. Cold and warm tones? How is it that you have no eye for this whatsoever, I truly wonder where I missed out to teach you? Jungwoo, please, someone has to knock some sense into my son!’, she had said.

Jungwoo had to agree. His main interest was fashion but this was pretty atrocious even just from a colours-point-of-view alone.

‘It was a good deal and from an old lady, who always came with her poodle and now has to move to a retirement home. I think green and purple fit wonderfully!”

They didn’t.

But Jungwoo didn’t care enough to nag him and help Taeil’s mother.

Even though she was right.

From how she had deeply sighed, apparently, she had realised it was not that serious an issue, too.

She had also not nagged Taeil’s hair in a while.

Or treated Taeyong like a waiter.

Well. People were capable of change, weren’t they?

They started off with Yuta’s Peter Pan, then Taeyong’s Lion King, Kun’s Tarzan, Jaemin’s Frozen, Taeil’s Beauty and the Beast, Doyoung’s Atlantis, his Brave, and Jaehyun’s Aladdin last.

Despite being tired, Jungwoo was filled with happiness as he kept petting over Jaehyun’s hair. He occasionally dozed off when the plot wasn’t thrilling enough (but they had been watching all of these last year already and… yeah, he did know the story of these, he really didn’t have to pay attention).

It was just comfort.

Home.

Family.

They paused only twice, once for lunch (Chinese delivery food) and once for dinner (Pizza).

Jaemin refused to move from his chair and Jungwoo checked on him occasionally, seeing him smile, gape at the screen, nibble on his fingers, or set on fighting tears.

But that way okay because he didn’t tell anyone things were dumb and answered instead.

From how the others opened right back up where they had been guarded, probably expecting backlash for their opinions, Jungwoo couldn’t help how his heart soared.

Jaemin was making progress.

And it was beautiful to see.

It was his sweet puppy, that was finally ready to show himself to others if only a little bit.

Words couldn’t describe this feeling.

Jungwoo must have fallen asleep during Arabian Nights after sobbing his eyes out when Merida realised she just wanted her mum and Elinor was turned back into a human.

Lazy days sure were exhausting.

However, when he woke up, the room was quiet and the TV turned off as were the lights. There was no Kun over his lap. When Jungwoo turned his head, he came face to face with a sleeping Taeil instead of Yuta.

He was only illuminated by the lights of the city outside, shadows casting over his face, making his lashes look pitch-black and face even and peaceful.

Angelic.

Jungwoo was probably still 25% asleep when he reached out and gently caressed his hand over his cheeks, feeling Taeil’s skin so impossibly soft because he just didn’t grow any facial hair.

Why on earth was he next to him, though?

Didn’t really matter. His face was beautiful and soft and Jungwoo traced all the outlines he wanted to because he was here and Taeil asleep like Princess Aurora and he just felt like it.

He slowly went down his cheek, over his jaw, to his chin and lower on his neck until he hit the collar. Back up, over his eyebrows, down his temple, to the dip under his lower lip, and back up again. Down the slope of his nose, the small tip letting Jungwoo’s finger go off in a small arch to tap back onto his chin.

Jungwoo wished he could just keep stroking his fingers down Taeil’s nose forever, but it seemed to have woken him from eternal sleep – nevermind he was not supposed to be here and nothing made sense.

“Hm?” Taeil’s voice was high and the sound he made so surprisingly cute, Jungwoo almost cooed. But he was too drowsy to.

It was a bit like he had woken to an alternate reality, the faint lights coming from the street contributing to the feeling.

Taeil blinked several times, clearly just as confused, if not more, as Jungwoo.

“Wasn’t I on the other couch?” he asked, voice thick with sleep.

“I think so,” Jungwoo muttered, “I remember ‘Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place, where the caravan camels roam’, that’s it.” he realised his arm was around Taeil’s shoulders, too, and he just left it where it was because he was still so tired…

From how Taeil just dropped his head back and closed his eyes again, he was, too.

Jungwoo was about to drift off when Taeil seemed to remember something and sat up.

“What time is it? Where are the kids? Also, when did I switch sofas? I know I got until the appearance of Genie for sure…” he rubbed his face and yawned and Jungwoo kind of wondered the same thing now…

It was… very… suspicious. Just like the ever-moving mistletoe.

“Holy… it’s 2 am!” Taeil gasped and Jungwoo wished he cared, but he didn’t.

He was already in PJs, whatever.

“We should look… because of Jaemin,” he said but didn’t do anything to actually let actions follow his words. He hadn’t heard anything being destroyed. It’d be fine.

Taeil chuckled and rubbed the arm still around his shoulders. It felt good there. Taeil had surprisingly broad shoulders for his height. He wasn’t going to take it away unless Taeil wanted him to. Which he hadn’t said he did, so, arm around the man he loved it was.

Jungwoo tiredly moved his head and saw the screen of Taeil’s phone, reading 02:06 am.

“I don’t think we really have to worry that much for Jaemin anymore, do we?” Taeil looked up and the sparse lights made his eyes look like endless pools of darkness that Jungwoo got lost in, “You’re doing really well, Jungwoo. I knew you would. You did so much this year, so much for me, too, but also for him and for yourself and… thank you.”

Taeil was so close, it would be easy to slide his hand down, over his waist, pull him just a bit closer, lean down…

But Jungwoo couldn’t.

Next year.

“You, too. Thank you for trusting me, thank you for being here for me. With me.”

Instead of Jungwoo, it was Taeil, who slid his hand over Jungwoo’s waist, the skin feeling like it was burning up under his touch as Jungwoo waited but Taeil pulled back just a moment later.

It was fine.

“I have something for you. It’s not supposed to be a present or anything but… yeah. Let’s find the kids and then I’ll give it to you?”

“Okay,” Jungwoo caught Taeil’s hand before he could pull away and Taeil didn’t try to break free, so Jungwoo didn’t let go. His skin was prickling and he felt like he was experiencing his first crush even after having been in love for over three years, even after already having kissed Taeil and even slept with him.

It was just… different.

The first room they checked was Doyoung’s, but it was vacant, even the blanket, pillows, and mattress missing from his bed.

“What happened here?” Taeil furrowed his brows in confusion.

“Maybe they made a fortress? I used to with my sisters when we were little.”

“Uh… no?”

“Poor only child.” Jungwoo cooed and stroked his fingers down the side of Taeil’s face. He let him, but only for a moment, then mumbled under his breath before dragging him along to Jaehyun’s room – the bunk bed still there but just as much empty as Doyoung’s – and Yuta’s room - the mattress still in his bed, but no pillows and blanket.

They found all of them in Taeyong and Kun’s room, the biggest one out of all of them. The mattresses were spread over the floor, pillows and blankets spread over Hybrids, partially lying on top of each other, legs and tails intertwined.

Jaemin was on the side but he was latched onto Kun, whose tail was around Jaehyun’s, who had his head on Taeyong’s chest, who was lying diagonally to everyone else, his legs on Doyoung, who was wrapped around Yuta, who still had a hand in his hair, probably having petted him before falling asleep.

Jungwoo felt himself choke up seeing them all cuddled up and especially seeing Jaemin there with them. Taeil was squeezing his hand so tightly it hurt, both of them just standing and staring like complete fools.

“Aren’t they the cutest?” Taeil whispered, barely a breath.

They were.

The most precious and adorable and perfect bunch of kids even if some of them were starting to out-grow the term.

Jungwoo wouldn’t stop using it.

How they were curled up, seeking comfort and closeness with each other, trusting each other, relying on each other, Jungwoo felt so blessed to have found this. To have helped build it. To be part of it.

He had to squeeze Taeil’s hand back and swallow tears of pride and joy and happiness.

There had been a lot this year. Many hardships.

It wasn’t over, far from it, but this moment, this picture of safety and comfort and love… it was powerful, for Jungwoo.

And for Taeil.

When they had finally decided to stop being foolish stalkers and crept from the room, closing the door, Jungwoo felt like the late hour and the dim lighting had actually put him into an alternate reality.

He just couldn’t stop smiling because…

“I’m so happy.”

Taeil squeaked when Jungwoo suddenly spun them around once, literally waltzing down the hallway. Taeil used his free hand to cling onto him, stumbling along.

“Jungwoo, I can’t dance!”

“What? Son of billionaires and can’t dance?” Jungwoo giggled and kept twisting, the steps rusty but easy enough to return even after nearly 10 years of not using them once.

“No!” Taeil still didn’t fight it, he let Jungwoo lead him. Though there was no music, Jungwoo could recall the tale from Beauty and the Beast and moved to its beat in his head until the had reached the hallway’s end and he turned around, going back up to the door that had, once upon a time, had a sign with entirely too much sparkly reading ‘Taeil-Hyung’ on it.

Now, Taeil ended the waltz and pulled him along, opening it and Jungwoo hesitated just for a second.

Alternate reality in the middle fo the night or not, he remembered who he was – and who he wasn’t.

He remained close to the door, not daring to do what he wished he could.

Next year.

Not long.

Taeil opened the drawer of one of the many closets. Jungwoo wasn’t even sure what was in them, but now, it looked like this was just external storage for his office.

How typical.

Taeil turned around and held out a small booklet, the cover laminated in green plastic, ‘City of Seoul’ written over it in silver letters, ‘Hybrid identification’.

Jungwoo stared at it, unable to comprehend.

Was this…

“Take it. I already changed the owner. You deserve to have it. I knew you did but…”

“No, I… don’t need it.” Jungwoo didn’t dare reach out because it felt too immense a responsibility.

“Yes, you do. This is their legal status, so, me giving you this is all we can do right now. You’re the one taking care of him, you’re the reason why he was curled up next to Kun, why he watched the movies and had food without throwing it against the wall. Because you’re doing everything right for him. He’s your kid, and not mine. I know he’d choose you over me in the blink of an eye, anyway. So. This is the right thing to do, again, I’m sorry it took me so long but… you know.”

Jungwoo’s hands were shaking when he took it from Taeil, flipping it open to see Jaemin’s name, data, and physical traits, on the first page, flipping it to the second. Five of the empty panels were already blacked out, not a trace of former owners left, how the city officials would do to keep privacy.

The sixth panel had neat black letters in, reading his name and birthday, as well as his tax identification number.

It wasn’t much.

It wasn’t even nearly what would be needed for a human child. But it was all Jaemin would get and because it was, it meant as much.

Yes. He knew why Taeil hadn’t been able to give it up earlier. He was learning, growing into this new part, that Taeil had already had for a long time.

It wasn’t like Jungwoo had felt he had been lacking, but, now that he had had the chance to learn even more, grow even further, he felt like he was able to develop an even deeper understanding.

Accepting this, was just another step into growth, into being the person he wanted to be.

Someone who had felt untouchable a few years ago. Unimaginable, even.

Not anymore. He had outgrown even his dreams.

Even though he had, he could still become more.

Become his best version and then find a way to be an even better one.

“Thank you,” was all he whispered, the weirdly dark and alternate reality-room swimming from his tears.

Taeil stroked a gentle hand down his arm and his skin tingled and burnt and Jungwoo wanted nothing but to reach out and show his gratefulness, more, his love in a way that words could never.

“We should sleep, too,” Taeil whispered and Jungwoo nodded, turning to go back to the living room and take the sofa, but Taeil grabbed his hand and held him back.

It was already feeling like they were in a dream, in this world at 2 am, that wasn’t quite real, with the lights from the city casting weird shadows and letting people look more angelic than they already were.

It was easy for Jungwoo to flip the nook on the lock and let Taeil pull him over into his bed.

Of course, it was.

Because this was what he wanted and he knew Taeil wanted it, too, but he was too strict a person with himself to have it.

Only in moments like this did Taeil, for once, ignore this stupid society and this stupid doctor title, and let Jungwoo be who he wanted to be but couldn’t yet.

They had to be quiet and Jungwoo felt like it was a pity but responsibility weighted heavier.

That was new, to feel it like a background buzz while doing exactly what he wanted, all his attention on one person, but not really because there was someone with a very different role but just as - if not more - important, always in the back of his head.

He thought that this was probably why Taeil never let him do this normally.

This wasn’t normally, though. This was the alternate reality of 2 am after having spent the day in pyjamas and waking up on the sofa with their arms around each other, _mysteriously_.

Taeil’s body was half-hidden in shadows, half-illuminated and highlighted in the best ways, making him look stunning where he was on top of Jungwoo, and he leaned down to kiss him hungrily.

This time, he didn’t try to make Taeil regret not letting him do this whenever he wanted.

This time, it was all about the moment and enjoying it but knowing it wouldn’t be repeated any time soon and being okay with that.

Because there was a kid to explain the world to, who might not understand why it was okay when they did it but could be problematic with someone else.

Just tonight, that would be okay. Just tonight, Jungwoo could silence Taeil with kisses, deep and filthy, while they moved together, using this to let the other know all the things impossible to say.

Because, sappy or not, it was called making love for a reason and it could convey more than even the most honest words ever would.

Just until the alternate reality would end in the morning and let them go back to real life.

Until morning came, Jungwoo could stare at Taeil with his hair stuck to his forehead, eyes glassy but never looking away either until it became impossible to take it slow.

Until morning came, Jungwoo could kiss his naked skin while they both came down from their highs, neither bothering to shower or dress or do anything that responsible adults would do.

Until morning came, Taeil was his and he was Taeil’s.

And, when morning came, it wasn’t bitter to have Taeil pull away.

Because Jungwoo understood. He didn’t like it, still, but he got it.

“This is disgusting. This absolutely disgusting, why did I not shower? This was the worst decision of my life!”

“You said you were tired,” Jungwoo tried so hard to not laugh and instead watch Taeil hurry through the room while he still could. But his eyelids were heavy and sleep was still weighing him down, the sheets smelling of Taeil and soft on his skin.

Taeil snorted and had his cheeks puffed. Jungwoo couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight while Taeil was petty with himself. Admittedly, it was kind of gross, the next morning, for him, too.

But did it matter?

No.

He really couldn’t wait until next year.

When this would become permanent and not a dream he had to return from.

But he no longer felt like it was horrible to wait.

Because the wait was almost over and not because he had matured. Just because he was almost done, so close, he could see the finishing line. Which was also fine. Not everything in life was about maturing. Some childishness could be helpful in everyone.

“So, like…” Taeyong’s eyes were wide while he tried so hard to be nonchalant.

Jungwoo had clothes from Doyoung on while Jaemin had been unswayable into showering and was still in his pyjama, on the sofa and currently busy kicking Jaehyun – who kicked back and… yeah, Jungwoo was just ignoring that entire mess.

“…did you notice something yesterday?”

For a second, Jungwoo thought that they hadn’t been quiet enough. From how Taeil choked on thin air, clearly, that was his thought, too.

“You mean the sofa-switch?” Jungwoo chirped because he had_ known_ that Taeil hadn’t sleep-walked.

Taeyong’s face flushed. Doyoung was suddenly behind him, holding his mouth shut and Kun, conveniently, asked about the soup and how it needed to be re-seasoned.

It never did.

They thought they were being sneaky.

Well, they were sneaky enough to fool their Hyung.

“What? No way, I would have woken up if someone had moved me, don’t be silly, Jungwoo.”

Well. It was cute.

“I don’t get it, why would you want to kiss someone. It looks so gross. Like… spit? I mean, I get why you like Taeil-Hyung and good for you, but ew?” Jaemin looked up and Jungwoo thought that he really couldn’t go down the denial road, personally.

And he didn’t want to.

“It feels really nice especially when you very much like or love the other person. It can be very meaningful. Something like holding hands, too, can have a different connotation because it’s a sign of affection that usually only couples show.”

Straight couples, out on the open street, but whatever.

Not his issue if everyone was so narrow-minded.

“I don’t know. I don’t think I’d want that.” Jaemin shook himself like the idea of physical closeness was just ridiculous.

Maybe he’d change his mind.

Or maybe not. And that would be okay, too.

“You don’t have to do it. You only ever should do what feels right and good for you and what you are ready for. That’s really important and everyone else should respect that. If not, that’s a problem.”

Jaemin nodded.

“Like Donghyuck and his dumb scratches.”

“That’s a different situation.”

“Yeah, well, he’s still dumb and annoying. And I totally don’t want to visit him ever.”

Jungwoo felt a smile on his lips seeing Jaemin huff and flush.

“Did he invite you?”

“Yeah. But I said I’d sooner spent an entire day of Doyoung-Hyung explaining the structure of the Chinese government than come. Because he’s dumb.”

“Is he, though? He’d feel hurt if you called him that, don’t you think?”

“No. He called me dumb, too, so I can do it.”

“Well, maybe he did it to get back at you for calling him dumb?”

Jaemin hesitated and pushed his hands deeper into his pockets, walking a few steps in silence until they had reached the front door.

“So, in theory, if that had happened, which it didn’t… would that mean that he might have felt bad because of me calling him dumb?” Jaemin looked up with worry in his eyes and Jungwoo wanted to squeeze him and tell him that he was doing so, so well and that he was so proud of him.

He didn’t.

“That sounds very likely. If you worry about that, you could go and apologise. It’s a very honourable thing to give an apology that’s from the heart and genuine and, maybe he can forgive you.”

“I’ll think about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	33. Chapter 33

Jamin ended up visiting Donghyuck.

It was all a tiny bit nerve-wracking for Jungwoo because it meant Jaemin going to the flat that Mark lived in. And then, Jungwoo leaving. He was not ready for this – Jungwoo, that was.

What if he destroyed something?

What if he got into a fight with someone?

What if he felt uncomfortable there?

What if he got hurt?

What if he got hungry?

But Jungwoo knew it was important to have friends and he knew Jaemin wanted to go, and he also knew that he’d have to trust him. He couldn’t cling to Jaemin when he wanted to raise him to be independent, confident, and free.

That was the most important, yet so difficult part.

Jungwoo did his shopping for New Year’s Eve while waiting for some sort of call or text or anything, informing him about one apocalypse or another.

Nothing.

He had some Hotteok because he felt like it and he went to a music store to waste the time because Mark, being the child of a very well-off family, lived in Cheongdam and Jungwoo didn’t think it’d make sense to go back and forth.

Nothing.

He expected something to happen.

He knew it was low.

He knew he should trust Jaemin.

But he couldn’t quite. Knowing him and simultaneously not knowing Mark, Donghyuck, and Johnny that well, he was unable to unconditionally trust.

There was not a single notification and when he rang the bell again, Jungwoo felt like it was actually him, who got homesick as in… he missed his puppy?

Yes. He did.

Oh god, no, he was becoming an overbearing helicopter-parent.

It was definitely an issue but… he just had grown to love Jaemin over the last months, he was his kid, his favourite kid.

Now, that Jaemin was making such great progress, it was up to Jungwoo to keep up and let go again to not trap Jaemin in the love he was trying to show him.

“So, like, I’m really sorry about this but Jaemin kinda got paint on him?” Mark looked panicked, young eyes wide and nibbling on his lower lip.

“Paint?” Jungwoo wasn’t sure if he had heard right.

“Yeah, well, Donghyuck wants his room to be yellow and we were going to paint it on the New Year’s Day but we already had the paint and they two said it’d be more fun to do it now?” Mark scratched his head.

It all sounded very… chaotic.

“As long as there was no trouble?” Jungwoo carefully asked. So what, if the boy who lived with his two Hybrids decided to paint one of their rooms on a whim? A little spontaneity had never hurt anybody.

“No, not at all! Johnny asked the landlord for me beforehand, and we can as long as we re-paint it back to white before moving out!” Mark beamed and Jungwoo felt the need to hug him.

Because… Mark was just a kid, too, but he was a human. He could long be what Jungwoo had been at his age – thinking himself better than Hybrids.

He was the son of well-off parents, he could be arrogant if he wanted to because it’d be very easy to be with the status and privilege he had.

But he wasn’t.

He didn’t even think about Jaemin causing trouble everywhere he went despite knowing what had happened before. Even prompted, he had thought of the flat and the people around it, instead of immediately jumping to Jaemin potentially throwing the paint at Johnny and, truly, wasn’t he better than Jungwoo by a long shot?

Because Jungwoo had thought of all these things and he had been arrogant and entitled in the past.

“O-okay. Well. Thank you. For having him over,” Jungwoo meant that. He should have trusted Jaemin but Mark had in his stead, giving Jungwoo the chance to only have to take a small step to let Jaemin experience this.

Next time, Jungwoo would be able to trust him more because he’d have grown from this situation. They could keep doing it and he could grow until he, too, wouldn’t think of the worst-case scenarios anymore at all.

As long as Jaemin didn’t go and… cause them.

“Sure thing. I think it was pretty dope. There’s not that many Hybrids out there, right? I mean, so many who’d be allowed over or who’d actually be able to just… build friendships.”

“No. There aren’t.” Jungwoo softly agreed.

Mark smiled and even though he was only 16, Jungwoo saw the upset in his eyes. The anger over society being this way and not giving the people who were part of his family equal chances.

He was a good person, genuinely. There was no reason to be jealous even though Jungwoo couldn’t help the feeling gnawing in his stomach a little. He knew he was a good person, too, he had worked hard on himself and he could cut himself a bit of slack for not having been in the situation where he would have been able to see all these things earlier because there had been other issues in his life and other priorities

There hadn’t been anyone to open his eyes earlier.

That was okay. He had put in the work now and it wasn’t a competition of who was best.

“Hyung!” Jaemin’s yell ripped Jungwoo from any of his thoughts and he startled so badly, he knocked his hand on the doorframe, which kind of hurt.

Oh.

Jungwoo had expected a few paint-stains.

It looked more like someone had dipped Jaemin into a pot of yellow.

“Hyung! You have to come look! We painted Donghyuck’s room! I mean. It’s not finished. But you have to come look!” Jaemin’s tail was wagging and he was beaming brightly, the yellow accentuating his good mood.

Jungwoo wished he could hug and squeeze him because he was so, so, so proud of him and so, so, so happy to see Jaemin this lively and bright.

But he couldn’t.

And, truly, he wouldn’t have wanted because he’d end up yellow as well.

What got paint out of textiles? Yikes.

He’d have to ask Taeyong.

The room looked how you’d expect a room currently being painted to look. All furniture had been pushed into the middle and covered, the floor taped off to keep it safe. Two of the four walls were already finished and it did look good.

Warm and welcoming.

Maybe Jungwoo should…

Yeah, no. He was terrible at that kind of do-it-yourself work.

“Wow, that must have been quite a bit of work for just three hours,” Jungwoo nodded, unsure how long painting walls took for a lack of experience. Probably long, though.

“Erm. Yeah. Totally. We. Totally did that.”

“Yeah, duh, we did,” Donghyuck had his arms crossed and looked like he personally owned a painters’ business.

“They didn’t.” Johnny’s voice came from the door where he had just emerged with what looked like a big stencil. He was smiling kindly despite his cheeky comment.

“Well, Johnny-Hyung helped. A bit.” Donghyuck reluctantly admitted.

“Yeah. A bit. With the higher places, that we couldn’t reach. And the lower places, that were too exhausting. And the middle places, that were boring,” Jaemin nodded slowly.

Johnny chuckled and put the stencil onto the wall that looked like it should have windows but didn’t because it bordered onto the next flat.

“Mark, come check!” he hollered and Jungwoo startled.

He should be used to such minor yelling, but even years of experience hadn’t desensitised him yet.

“Don’t scare my Hyung!” Jaemin snarled and marched towards Johnny, suddenly ready to fight like the tiny bulldozer he was.

Jungwoo quickly reached out and grabbed the collar of his shirt, holding him back.

Johnny had turned from his wall-decoration, eyes wide.

“I didn’t mean to!” he sounded hurt and Jungwoo made sure to smile as he shook his head.

“I wasn’t scared, Nana, but thank you for worrying about me. I only startle easily, which I did upon your yell, Johnny, no need to make it something it’s not.”

Johnny’s shoulders dropped in relief and he nodded but Jaemin kept pulling against Jungwoo’s hold.

“I like there, I don’t care what Mark says,” Donghyuck announced and tried to apply tape in a way that’d leave the stencil useless because it’d mask the edges.

“I need to fight for your honour, Hyung!” Jaemin seemed unwilling to let go what Donghyuck had already discarded for more important matters at hand.

What honour?

Jungwoo told himself to trust Jaemin but he couldn’t quite.

He kept holding onto his sweater.

Just… to make sure. Because this was Jaemin-world logic and Jungwoo wasn’t fluent in that yet.

“It’s really not needed, Nana, no honour was hurt. I’d really love it if no one fought, okay?”

Jaemin stopped pulling and turned with a pout.

Jungwoo thought that Jaemin probably had him around his little finger and he was doing, essentially, nothing but support him in that, but still let go of him.

“Fine.”

“So, these are the posters,” Mark suddenly announced from the door, arms full of rolled-up papers.

“Ah, you found them!” Donghyuck darted over, tape still in hand, and, unsurprisingly, everything fell to the ground when he grabbed the lowest one.

Long story short, the posters had been for Jaemin.

Which meant, after their return home, all the walls within the chalk-borders had gotten plastered with a variety of posters: boy and girl groups, very cute lambs and calves, and also space?

The combination was very confusing and Jungwoo had suggested to only und a few of them or maybe order them.

‘But they’re mine!’ Jaemin’s eyes had been narrowed and Jungwoo had had to stand outside the border to hand him the tacks, watching one after another go up.

It wasn’t _exactly_ what he had had in mind decoration-wise, but the futon itself was already kind of ruining the visuals. So. At least no one was mixing green and purple.

Jaemin was extremely happy, staring at his posters with his tail twitching behind himself, and Jungwoo, like the dork he was, watched Jaemin rather than his drama 50% of the evening.

It kind of felt… like home.

Messy, yes, but like home.

Now, there was just one issue with having an adorable kid that was learning about the world.

“And why do you drink that if it makes you feel not like yourself? Isn’t being yourself important?”

Jungwoo really wasn’t drinking much alcohol anymore, hardly at all, but he had planned for some champagne for New Year since Joohyun always got a really good and expensive one.

He wasn’t sure why the topic had even arisen, he hadn't planned to ask anyone for permission.

“Especially since it’s bad for your liver! You have to take care of your liver for yourself so you can live to become really old and take care of me! What if you die before me?” Jaemin’s eyes were huge and he was clinging to the backrest of the sofa, his face in Jungwoo’s but not touching.

“I… don’t think I’ll die anytime soon? Just one glass of mild alcohol isn’t very harmful, on the contrary, a small amount of wine can be beneficial to the health of an adult.”

“But it’s not wine? Can you not drink it? Please?” Jaemin looked so panicked and worried, Jungwoo wondered who had taught him about the effects in the first place and what kind of dramatic PSA videos they had used?

“Let’s look at that together once more, okay? So you can see that it’s not something worry about in the small amounts I’d be drinking but also the damage of getting too much once isn’t much more than a headache the next day.”

“But a headache? You can’t have a headache! And how do you know? Did you drink before?” Jaemin gasped.

Jungwoo chuckled nervously.

Should he just… lie?

No!

No, he couldn’t.

Jaemin didn’t even wait for him to confirm or deny, anyway. It must have been obvious. Jungwoo’s emotions usually showed quite clearly on his face.

These days.

“Hyung! But it’s really bad for you! Also drugs! You never did drugs, right? Or smoke? Or unprotected sex? Hyung, why do you look like you did? I need you, you can’t die yet!”

“Nana, I’m not on death’s doorstep.” Jungwoo knew his face was burning and he kind of felt very resentful towards whoever had been the trigger of this.

Probably… Doyoung…

“Please don’t smoke anymore! Or do drugs! Or have unsafe sex!”

Jungwoo wished Jaemin didn’t look so panicked and wasn’t right in his face because this was mortifying

“I’m negative for all STDs, I’ve never done drugs, and I quit smoking really long ago because Doyoung reminded me it was unhealthy and I promised myself to never start again.”

“Okay! It is! He told me, too.”

Aha. No surprise.

“So, you’ll not drink and die?”

And with that, another year would come to a close.

“Decent male being!” Jennie’s beam was wide. She had dyed her hair darker and it had grown since Jungwoo had last seen her.

“Hi, Jennie. Jennie, this is Jaemin. Nana, this is Jennie.”

Jaemin had a pinkie finger hooked into Jungwoo’s jacket, holding on tightly, but he bowed quickly. His hair looked so much prettier, now, that it was freshly cut. He was so cute, Jungwoo wanted to cuddle him and squeeze his cheeks and show him off because he was the cutest puppy.

This obsessive behaviour was absolutely growing out of hand but no one was really stopping him? Including Taeil? He had just said he hoped Jungwoo realised he was being a bit dorky but that it was cute.

“Ah, yes! Nice to meet you, Joohyunnie told me about you! I’m her girlfriend,” Jennie gave Jaemin a quick bow in return.

Jaemin looked at Jungwoo, slightly scandalised.

“Do they also kiss then?” he whispered, “Why?”

Jennie raised her eyebrows and Jungwoo hoped she didn’t take that wrong because she might.

“Nana, I tried to tell you it can feel really nice and special when you like the other person.”

“But why would you want to get someone else’s spit on, worse, in your mouth? Also germs. And viraleses,” Jaemin muttered and Jennie’s scepticism melted into a fond grin.

Of course, it did. Jaemin was adorable and perfect and Jungwoo an idiot. Also, what were viraleses? Was he talking about… viruses?

Oh no, how adorable!

“Champagne? How old are you, Jaemin? Are you allowed to drink yet?” Jennie narrowed her eyes.

“No. Hyung also cannot drink because he cannot die yet,” Jaemin pushed an arm across Jungwoo’s chest, standing to his full height.

“Yeah, uh, no booze for me,” Jungwoo smiled. He was just a bit regretful about that champagne. Just a bit.

“Okay, that’s fine, we have plenty of non-alcoholic beverages for Wendy anyway. You’re actually the first ones to arrive, so, come in.”

“Wendy? Where is she?” Jungwoo perked up.

A few times over the afternoon, while he had styled his hair, while he had put on something other than white work-clothes for once, he had thought of her and grown nervous.

It had been so long.

He had changed so much.

Maybe she had too, or maybe not, but his perception of her surely would have.

“Kitchen.”

“Hyung!” Jaemin’s voice was cranky and an almost-growl but Jungwoo had talked to him about this, so, he turned and ignored the show of jealousy, pretending to not even notice it.

“Are you okay, Nana? Give me your jacket, I’ll hang them up together, okay?”

Jaemin pouted but peeled it off, handing it over slowly.

“You’re mine, though,” Jaemin whispered when Jungwoo was finished, apparently deciding that Jungwoo’s belt-loop was the best place to hold onto him.

“I’m only mine and you’re only yours. Do you want to take off your collar? You’re my family and Wendy is an old friend of mine. That’s not even the same, there’s no competition.”

Jaemin huffed and nodded, looking mildly reassured. He started fumbling with the small clasp to unfasten the leather from around his neck, handing it over so Jungwoo could put it away.

It didn’t really matter that Jaemin stuck to his side and kept holding onto him. It was only with his pinky and Jungwoo truly didn’t mind it, so he didn’t think there was a need to do anything about it as long as it’d not hinder him. Taking everything, that was normal in Jaemin-world but not in the real one, from him and expecting miracles would be unfair and just set them up for failure.

No one was failing here. They were making great progress. Together. He could let him have this small sign of possessiveness.

Joohyun and Wendy were busy draping what looked like small pizzas onto a big plate.

Her hair was pulled up into a French twist, making her ears stick out a bit more but also looking neat and tidy, how she had always liked to wear it. It was still the same golden blonde it had always been, her fringe fluffy and framing her face. When she looked up and her chocolate-brown eyes found Jungwoo, she broke into a beam brighter than the sun, warmer than the hottest summer, a few slightly deeper lines on her eyes speaking of her age, but completely unchanged otherwise.

“Master Jungwoo!” she squeaked. Jungwoo had all forgotten about that but he could swallow past the uneasy feeling the word gave him when she hurried around the counter, arms opened and her fluffy tail moving behind her, “It’s been so, so long, my gosh, you grew into such a handsome young man!”

Her hug was warm and she felt tiny, but it didn’t last because Jaemin growled softly and Wendy scrambled away.

“Nana, please be nice.” Jungwoo hoped to not let his annoyance over the moment having been broken bleed into his voice.

“I’m so sorry!” Wendy gasped, taking a step back, “I didn’t even realise you had a Hybrid, I was so happy to see you. I promise, I didn’t mean ill. I’m Wendy, what’s your name?” her moment of shock and the sincere and earnest apology were followed up with a kind smile, her posture open and inviting.

It might be training. She had lived her life like this, after all. Who knew.

But Jaemin seemed so stunned, he forgot to be hostile.

“J-Jaemin?”

“Jaemin! That’s such a cute name, so fitting. You have such a beautiful pattern, too! Have you been keeping an eye on your Master? He’s looking so well!”

“My Hyung!” Jaemin nodded, looking proud like it was him feeding Jungwoo every evening and not the other way around.

It was heartwarming.

Wendy’s eyes widened and she glanced between them.

“Oh… you… do that? Too?” she softly asked, looking like she was very unsettled by the lack of honorifics.

“Actually, it was Jungwoo who made me do it!” Joohyun had cleaned her hands and also came over, “Hi, sweetie.” She gave him a quick side-hug.

Wendy didn’t seem too impressed by it, like Kun, who had struggled so much with being casual when addressing humans.

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. But I’d like it a lot better to just be Jungwoo, okay?” Jungwoo smiled.

He had been right. It felt different, very different.

But her smile wasn’t different, even though it was one of her smaller ones.

“Okay. I’ll try. It’s just… really weird.”

“I can help you!” Jaemin boasted, puffing his chest even though Wendy was twice his age and a stranger he had just been jealous of.

“I’d appreciate that.” Her smile grew wider, affectionate, and Jaemin didn’t pull away when she pushed her arm through his.

He looked a bit confused, a bit unsettled, but he let her pull him along.

He washed his hands without announcing it as dumb.

He helped drape mini-pizzas without whining about it.

There were no questions about himself that Wendy asked since that was not something she’d ever be taught or expected to do.

Instead, she explained about the pizzas, about ingredients and techniques, making it all sound exciting and important. And Jaemin clung to her lips, listening and following her introductions, seemingly having forgotten that he had only wanted to help her forget about being below humans.

But that was okay. Jaemin was still working to truly understand it himself. There was nothing wrong with the two moving within comfortable boundaries for an evening, not challenging them and themselves.

Jungwoo took over finishing the punch without tasting it and just… loved this. It was different from when he was in Cheongdam, but it felt good in different ways that he appreciated just as much.

These were friends. Cheongdam was family.

Jaemin politely bowed to all the other guests, even though there, luckily, weren’t that many of them. Just like that, he had forgotten about his jealousy and now was the one forgetting about Jungwoo and instead attached to Wendy.

It was… weirdly nice? Because Jungwoo had grown up with Wendy cooking lunch on the weekends between high school, he remembered her being there, just giving kind words when he had felt down, or sometimes plastering one of the injuries the other boys at school had inflicted on him.

Never enough for him to break past the hurt. Never enough to make an impact big enough to turn his world upside-down. Never enough to make him see there might be more to her.

But still a warm and precious memory, light between shadows and darkness.

It might be training, who knew, but maybe it was just her personality to be so caring and bright and pull even the stubborn, jealous, territorial puppy out of his shell. You probably couldn’t teach all of that. It had to be her.

There were other parts, that clearly were taught. How stiff she sometimes became, how extremely well-adjusted she was in the ways Jaemin wasn’t. Joohyun encouraging her to drop overly respectful address and make free decisions would not get behind that in one evening.

Wendy had lived like this for over 30 years. It wasn’t something to get her out of within a day.

But that was okay. They could still do their best to not choose for her and never put themselves above her. Try and remind her with small gestures.

It was all so very different when there, at the very least, was neither a language barrier nor trauma or past abuse that shaped the Hybrid and made it harder.

Would Jungwoo ever change what he had for Wendy, though?

No.

Never.

Not in a million years.

Especially not when Jaemin gaped at the sky with raw fascination in his eyes as the fireworks went off over Seoul, not when he fell asleep, after ensuring Jungwoo wasn’t going to leave him, his fingers hooked into his belt, curled up next to him.

Maybe, soon, Jungwoo would be allowed to run his fingers through his hair, pet his uneven, adorable ears.

Maybe.

He was working on it.

And Jaemin was working with him and not against him.

Finally.

So, he started the new year with nothing but joy and happiness even though Jaemin was heavy on his back on the way home.

It was 2016.

This year, Jungwoo was going to finish uni. He was going to graduate.

He was going to become Doctor Kim.

He was going to finally get a chance with Taeil. One for forever. The one he had been waiting for since 2012.

It was scary, yes, to then start his life, independent, no longer guided by strict outlines of school, but he could not wait to finally get there.

He took this feeling into work. After all, more than half of his residency was over, too.

The occasions during which Taeil and he were double-booked were becoming rare and in-between.

He was the one, who was able to take care of patients and help them, find cures so illnesses wouldn’t be a death sentence anymore.

“Jungwoo? You got mail, I noticed it while sorting it in the morning,” Sooyoung held out an envelope and Jungwoo took it from her, slightly confused.

But, yeah, there was his name written on it.

Weird.

“Okay, thank you. Maybe it’s some sort of advertisement?”

“Probably, I doubt they’d send your water bill here.”

Jungwoo chuckled. He was a bit curious, but it was already 1:03 and he had patients to attend to, which were much more important.

If it was something urgent or actually relevant, it would have been sent to Wangshimni, so he didn’t bother opening it, just stuffed it into his locker to take home later.

“Now, open your mouth really wide for me and push out your tongue as much as you can while saying ‘ah’,” Jungwoo smiled at the tiny kitten on the colourful patient bed.

“But I’m not supposed to stick my tongue out, it’s rude,” she whispered with wide eyes.

“That’s right, it can be. For me, you’re allowed to do it, with extra special-permission from the doctor, because that way I can see all the way into your throat,” Jungwoo playfully explained and she seemed swayed.

He hoped he wasn’t undoing any teachings here, but he also had to remind himself to not over-obsess because examining her tonsils was a lot more important than rules and manners. He was the doctor, or trainee, and he had to do his job, anything else was secondary to that, health went first. Always. He was the one responsible to ensure it was as good as it could be for any given Hybrid, so he couldn’t worry himself into premature balding by considering every possible side-effect saying something might have.

“Can you look into my tummy, too?” She asked, looking rather intrigued.

“No, it’s well guarded off so no yummy food can escape,” Jungwoo tickled her stomach and she giggled and squirmed. So cute. He loved children.

He noticed the breeder shifting her weight impatiently and remembered this wasn’t day-care, “Okay, now, open up, so I can see where it hurts?”

“Aaah,” Jungwoo shone his lamp into her mouth and saw her tonsils red and swollen, a white film over them and covering her tongue.

“Great, I already saw, thank you. It looks like strep throat, but I’ll have to test for bacteria before deciding if she needs antibiotics,” Jungwoo turned to the breeder, who nodded. He’d explain illnesses to older Hybrids. Not to tiny ones, who’d truly not understand, just how a paediatrician would turn to the parents.

“If I’m back with ten more tomorrow, I’ll know I put her into quarantine too late, then,” she sighed.

“With a bit of luck it’s viral and you won’t have to come,” it wasn’t nice, but costs were something breeders had to consider. That, or retire. Jungwoo had a bit of understanding for those who still tried hard to ensure their Hybrids were well-cared for. It was the system they were in, a revolution probably wouldn’t happen any time soon.

“Jaehyun, I need a..” Jungwoo was cut off by the phone ringing and Jaehyun excused himself to answer, while Jungwoo went to get himself the cotton swab himself.

“Alright, I have to take a little bit from the place where it hurts, to see if bacteria has decided to live there,” Jungwoo scooted back into place in front of his young patient.

“Live? In my mouth?” she looked like they had built houses and supermarkets there. Jungwoo smiled.

“They’re so teeny tiny you cannot even see them. You wouldn’t know if they did move in, but they might be the reason why it hurts. To tell them to find a new home, we might have to give you medicine but I don’t want to give it to you if you don’t need it. So, I’ll take a little bit from your mouth with this and then we have a test to see if there are bacteria or not.”

“Is it like a magic wand?” she whispered.

“Exactly, only it’s not magic but science. It will feel a bit weird and maybe even gross when I get the swatch I need. Will you be brave so you can feel good again soon?”

She nodded eagerly and opened her mouth. Jungwoo had done this enough times to get it done in a second so he had what he needed when she inevitable jerked away. He knew it was a mean place to take a sample from.

“And all done, wow, you really were so brave, you did such a great job!” Jungwoo praised her while she swallowed and blinked away tears. A tiny smile pulled on her lips and she looked to her breeder for approval while Jungwoo pushed himself over to where Jaehyun was.

It ended up testing positive for streptococcus and the breeder looked like she had really hoped it wouldn’t.

But that was how it was. As long as there was no insurance that would cover such basic needs for breeders, they’d have to pay it themselves. The only insurances catered to buyers of purebred Hybrids, those with an officially issued, red passport for a Breeders’ Union, and they usually also only focussed on injury-related treatments.

It was a problem but no one had yet managed to address it.

“So, bacteria can be fought with antibiotics. And viraleses?” Jaemin looked up from his chicken-shashlik, bought from a street vendor because Jungwoo really was going there, where his kid was a spoilt brat.

The cutest spoilt brat.

Obviously.

He also wasn’t going to correct Jaemin. Someone would, eventually, and it was so adorable.

“They usually get defeated by the immune system with a bit of time. You can take something to fight the sore throat, but it only helps with the symptoms.”

Jaemin hummed and nodded.

“I’ll just never get sick. Did I tell you? My immune system is super-duper extra good!” he beamed and his tail wagged a little bit behind himself.

Jungwoo really wanted to hug him and tell him that, yes, it was, he was the best and the cutest and all good things combined.

But Jaemin still wasn’t there, so, he didn’t. He just told him that he really did have outstandingly good health, but if he did get sick, that wouldn’t be his fault either.

He wondered if, maybe, there was actually something behind that claim of a better immune system, something legitimate.

Someone should research that.

By the time they were home, Jungwoo had long forgotten about the letter.

He only remembered when he unpacked his bag for the next day, showered and in his pyjama already, about to go to bed, and it fell to his feet.

Well, it was probably some commercial stuff anyway.

He didn’t bother using his letter opener and just ripped through it while Jaemin was using the melody of the app on his phone to track his tooth-brushing-progress.

There was the logo of a lawyer’s office in the corner and Jungwoo halted.

What?

That didn’t make any sense…

Why had that been sent to his place of work?

Why did he even get a letter from one?

Had he made any sort of mistake?

Slowly, he unfolded it, feeling a little nervous because he just couldn’t imagine any reason for a lawyer to write him anything.

His eyes flew over the lines written but his initial nervousness was quickly dispelled. He slowed down to take in the information because there was so much of it and he had to take a moment to comprehend.

Oh.

Oh… no.

Tears rose to his eyes even though Jungwoo had thought he had cried all of them over these people.

He wasn’t even sure what it was, that was squeezing his chest tightly, making it hard to breathe and the tears slowly drip and roll down his cheeks, stinging on his skin.

Grief?

Anger?

Hope?

He slowly folded the paper and sat down on the sofa, staring at the wall.

He had known this was coming.

He had for two years now, almost.

It had already felt like she was dead to him before that.

He had, honestly, thought it had already happened without him knowing.

But it was different to _know_ that it had.

“Hyung? Are you okay? Why are you crying?”

There would never be another word spoken to or by her.

Never another dish made by her.

Never another hug given to anyone.

Not like Jungwoo had been the one to get any of that and he had long accepted that.

Still.

Now, it was final.

Now, she was dead.

And it still hurt.

“My… my grandmother died… two weeks ago,” Jungwoo pressed out but his voice shook and he just couldn’t pretend to be fine.

He couldn’t.

He felt Jaemin settle on the sofa next to him and he wasn’t sure whether that made it better or worse.

He wanted to be strong for his kid.

But he couldn’t right now.

It hurt too much.

Two weeks ago.

The only reason he had even found out was that he was to inherit something.

And they had rescinded the testament.

Which all made no sense, in the first place.

He had been disowned, he had that black on white. He didn’t want anything from them.

He wanted to live his life with his family and not shed a single tear over his old one, the one that had pushed him away cruelly. The one that wouldn’t let him know his grandmother had died. The one that wouldn’t let him have whatever she had ended up giving to him.

Yet, here he was.

Crying because she was dead and people wouldn’t even let him have the sock she had probably dedicated to him.

Because he had still missed her, just in the corner of his heart. That had never gone away, but now, all hope was lost.

“Do you want a hug?” Jaemin whispered.

Jungwoo heard himself sob but he managed to nod weakly.

He wanted a hug. He wanted it so much.

It was stiff, how Jaemin wrapped his arms around where Jungwoo was curled up, but it helped.

So much.

Even more because it was his Jaemin being the one to offer this support and show him this affection.

_His family_.

“It’s… it’s okay to be sad, Hyung, right? You should cry if that feels right. I… I want you to feel better soon and… smile and be really pretty but feeling bad is also really normal. Yeah.”

Jungwoo just cried harder because, yes, Jaemin was right, but he had never seemed to have accepted that was how things worked, so far.

Now, he had and Jungwoo was so, so proud of him but also so sad and Jaemin squeezed him a little, still showing his insecurity, but Jungwoo didn’t know what to do either. Thinking was too hard.

So, he didn’t change anything and just relished in Jaemin’s body warmth helping him remember that it was okay to feel sad and to cry until it felt better.

He had built up his new family, where no one would get disowned for being gay when they couldn’t change that and shouldn’t have to because love was love.

And when it finally stopped hurting and his tears ceased, Jungwoo ran a hand over Jaemin’s arm, hoping to make it last.

“Do you feel better?” Jaemin whispered and Jungwoo sniffled.

“Yes. A lot. Thank you.”

“Okay. Good. I feel better, too,” Jaemin muttered but didn’t let got. Jungwoo carefully, carefully pulled him a little closer, making it more of an actual hug and less of an awkward tangle of limbs.

Jaemin, clearly, needed a few prompters, but he ended up snuggled against him like they had never done anything else and Jungwoo was too scared to even say how grateful he was. How proud.

“I…I know it really sucks. My old, old, old owner also died when I was kinda little. I mean. I don’t remember much. But I remember it was really sad and felt like I couldn’t stop crying because I was still really little and cried a lot. I don’t anymore. Or. If I did that would be okay, too. But I don’t.”

Jungwoo hummed. He pushed his hand up Jaemin’s back until he reached the lowest strands of his hair, freshly chopped off and stiff under his fingers.

“I… still don’t remember much else but I do remember him and that he died and that was really bad. Also because I was then given away. With my mum, I think. I don’t really know. It all really sucked. So. I’m sorry about your grandma.”

“Thank you.”

“Hm.” Jaemin leaned into his touch and Jungwoo waited for him to pull away but he didn’t. He stayed warm and limp and kind of heavy against him while he ran his fingers through the thick strands of his hair, over the base of his ears, feeling the softer fur on them on the tips of his fingers.

“I… mean. I hadn’t seen her in… five years. Like most of my family. I don’t feel like it should still be an issue because they kicked me out and made sure I didn’t feel welcome anymore. But it still is. The reason why I even found out was… that they don’t want me to get my inheritance. I didn’t know I was supposed to get anything. But it says so in the letter I got and they refuse to let me have it and now I’m invited to court when they’ll figure it out.”

“Oh,” Jaemin whispered, “That’s… mean. Will you go?”

Jungwoo sighed.

“I… don’t know. I don’t want to see any of them.”

“But if she wanted you to have something, you’re entitled to have it! It’s unfair if they take it from you, especially after they were so mean to you! You said just because you were gay? That’s so, so, so dumb! That’s not even a reason, it’s worse than only saying ‘Because’! It’s your right! I’ll go with you and tell them it’s dumb!”

Jungwoo pulled Jaemin a little closer and he let him.

“Thank you. I don’t think they’d appreciate it being called dumb. But it’s really sweet of you. You’re right. I do deserve whatever was meant for me but it’s hard to accept it when it comes from her.”

“I’ll ask Doyoung-Hyung how to say it better for you, then! So it’ll sound really professional! I’d take it just so they can’t have it! Whatever it is, apparently, it’s worth enough for them to make a fuss, so, they’d probably be really annoyed if you came and stood up for yourself, right?”

Because sticking up for himself was something that Jaemin was good at when it came to him perceiving the world as unfair, while Jungwoo would still sooner let something slide than get into conflict.

Wasn’t he right, though?

Just to spite them, just to show them he had grown past the hurt, the humiliation they had brought upon him…

He should go.

“What?” Taeil’s eyes, that had just been full of hurt for his sake, widened.

“It’s just a small hearing but the court is in Gunpo, so, I need the day off. I still have vacation days, Hyung. I’m sorry it’s on short notice.”

Taeil’s expression didn’t change, no understanding returned to it, just bafflement, and Jungwoo was a little confused.

Why would this be a problem?

What was happening?

“Why on earth would you go back to them? Why would you care? Jungwoo, you told me how they treated you! They abused you, hurt you, kicked you out!” Jungwoo’s own mood changed from sad and defeated to defensive because… what the fuck?

“I’m not going _back _to them! I never would! I’m going to try and claim my rightful inheritance. Do you think I want to see their faces? No! But I want what is mine!” Because he deserved it and if it meant conflict, so be it!

“Yes, you are! You’re showing them you still care enough to make such an effort, you’re giving them the power to hurt you, they already are. That’s all they’ll do, hurt you! I don’t want you to get hurt!”

It was nice that Taeil didn’t but he was missing the point here.

“Hyung, yes, I hurt, my grandmother died! That hurt! You should know that!”

“Okay, stop right there, Jungwoo. Those two do not compare. My father was a good man, who supported me his entire life and was ripped from it too early by illness.”

“Are you kidding me? My grandmother was wonderful all my childhood long! I’ll not let you talk badly about her!”

“Jungwoo, she tried to force you to deny yourself for her own selfish reasons! She was one of the two people leaving you with nothing, not a single thing, all alone!”

“Yes, and I overcame that and if she now decided to still give me something, and something big enough to make my family try so hard that I don’t get it, I can go back and be the bigger person or at least go for the monetary worth of it.”

“But that’s… ridiculous! Money doesn’t buy happiness! You putting yourself out there to get hurt is the much bigger issue, maybe even the goal, how do you not see that?”

“That’s something only people with money say! I have lots of uses for a bit of extra savings _because_ they were taken from me. If she now returns them to me, after her death, it’s better than nothing. They don’t have any power over me to hurt me, I’m long past that.”

“How are you so naïve? Your father came here and had to be sent away by the police!”

“I’m not naïve! You’re the one who wants to see my family as demons who’re far worse than they are!”

“You’re much too forgiving, Jungwoo!”

“Am I? I thought it was you who was, but guess I’m wrong!”

“I’m realistic because one of us has to be!”

“You’re… unreasonable! You’re not even trying to understand my point, what is your problem?”

“My problem is seeing you going to meet people who try to ruin you, knowingly, setting yourself up to get hurt!”

“I just said I wasn’t. I’ve long grown past that! Nevermind I’ll take Jaemin!”

“And how should that help, at all?”

“Are you kidding me? He’s been nothing but sweet ever since I got the news, he was there for me and reassured me to go even if it’s something I might not naturally feel inclined to do. Remember who it was who chased my father off? Jaehyun and Yuta! He’ll be amazing help! More than you are right now!”

Taeil’s mouth was gaping open and Jungwoo felt like taking his words back, but he couldn’t.

Taeil was not helping him right now.

At all.

“You’re not getting the day off!”

“You’re really being an asshole right now!”

“So be it then!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp....
> 
> BTW this is over 200k words now :o
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	34. Chapter 34

Jungwoo hated this.

He was so angry, it made things worse.

The air felt like it was burning over the lunch table.

Kun glanced back and forth between him and Taeil. Jungwoo usually sat diagonally across from him.

Today, he had chosen the free chair on the right-hand side of Jaemin, just to be further away.

He knew it was childish.

But he couldn’t bear being near him.

He hated sounding like Jaemin but it was fucking unfair.

“This is fun,” Doyoung muttered and Jungwoo stared at his noodles harder because he was not going to take the first step. It was not his duty to give in. He was standing up for himself and Taeil would have to come to the realisation of being at fault.

“Uh, maybe we could talk about it?” Taeyong softly suggested.

“Things have been taken care of,” Taeil hissed and Jungwoo clenched his chopsticks.

“Nice that you see it that way, _boss_.” He knew he sounded bitter but he was.

The silence stretched on, only interrupted from the sound of people chewing, slurping, or chopsticks clicking against bowls and plates.

Jungwoo knew it sucked. He didn’t want the kids to be pulled into this.

This had never happened before.

They had had arguments. Like the time Jungwoo had suggested seeing someone at Seoul National with Kun and Taeil hadn't been ready to agree.

But Taeil hadn’t come to lunch, anyway, and they had just sort of let that argument burn and agreed to disagree.

“Uh… why are you fighting, though? Not talking is not good.” Jaehyun chipped in, sounding every bit the timid and shy puppy he had been and Jungwoo hated he did but Taeil was to blame for this.

“We talked,” Taeil repeated and Jungwoo decided to leave it at that. For Jaehyun’s sake.

Great.

“Clearly not enough but it’s not like you don’t both know that as well,” Doyoung pointed out the obvious, “not like it’s not the very best to sit at this table while the adults behave like stubborn kids.”

Jungwoo clenched his teeth.

No. He wasn’t going to give in. He was entitled to the inheritance, even if it ended up just being a sock with a hole.

He wasn’t going to let his family walk all over him.

He wasn’t going to let Taeil get away with deciding what would be best for him.

“Not me trying to dictate Taeil’s life,” his head snapped up and he glared down the table to where Taeil stared back just as angrily.

“I’m not. You’re being ridiculous, Jungwoo. From start to finish. And it’s Hyung for you.”

“Okay, you’re _both_ ridiculous and not good for my mental health at all! Figure your shit out, I’ll be taking this,” Yuta stood up and picked his bowl up, taking his chopsticks with him as he marched from the room.

Jungwoo felt his heart clench, a wave of guilt running down his spine and making him feel a little sick.

“M-me, too. I can’t have a fight while eating.” Kun stood up and took his bowl just how Yuta had. Taeil stared after him with such disbelief, Jungwoo felt even sicker.

Great.

They were both being assholes.

Congrats.

“What even happened?” Doyoung asked, arms crossed and looking like he was not going to let anyone go back to work without having figured this out.

It was a bit embarrassing.

Very.

Embarrassing.

“Jungwoo-Hyung’s grandma died. That’s what happened, right?” Jaemin offered.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Taeyong muttered, his chopsticks between his teeth, but not looking truly like he felt any sort of sadness. Which was fine. There was no need for him to do, he just had to respect that Jungwoo felt it.

Despite it all.

She had been there during his childhood, she had meant so much to him, at some point.

He couldn’t be cold and pretend it didn’t touch him. That wasn’t who he was.

“Yeah. My grandma died and remembered she had a gay grandson and decided to still give him something. Now, my family doesn’t want me to have it and I’ll have to appear in court if I still want it.”

“With a lawyer? Do you have one?” Doyoung asked, missing the point but at least _someone_ was being considerate here.

“No, I don’t. I won’t even get to go because my boss won’t give me the day off,” Jungwoo glared at Taeil, who was focussed on his vegetables.

However, four heads turned his direction now and Taeil looked up, realising that… he was being unreasonable.

“Hyung!” Taeyong gasped.

“I’m sorry for trying to keep Jungwoo safe from his family that evidentially hates him?”

“I’m not going to see my family, that I, too, hate and that you know I do not have any relationship with anymore nor wish I had anymore.” Jungwoo hissed because how could Taeil be so thickheaded?

“But, like, you’ll not go back, right? Even if they’re actually nice now, right?” Jaehyun whispered, eyes wide and shiny.

Jaemin gasped and turned his direction with puppy eyes just as wide.

“No! That’s rid…” Jungwoo’s eyes met Taeil’s and…

Oh.

Oh, there was the snag.

Well, Taeil had never been jealous before, not even let him know he was capable of being.

That… was so… ridiculous but… cute, no, it was ridiculous!

“Of course, I would not! Even if they were nice, they’re basically strangers at this point. If they want to make up, I wouldn’t stop them, but it would never be the same. And I’m also pretty sure they don’t want to. I just want to have whatever they don’t want me to – even if it’s just for the pettiness of them not getting their way.”

“Okay. Okay, just making sure,” Jaehyun nodded and… well, if it wasn’t extremely helpful to have kids who were like an extension of their parent in some ways…

“Yeah, well, you definitely need a lawyer, that’s… how did you not think of that?” Doyoung chided.

“But he has to get off, Hyung!” Taeyong softly pointed out, turned to Taeil, ears tugged back a bit.

Taeil faltered like a paper house in the rain.

And Jungwoo had been right to stand up for himself. Even Taeil could be jealous and unreasonable, at times.

“Yeah. I guess.”

“And why did you not see that?” Taeyong pressed like it wasn’t obvious.

“I was… worried and… a bit…” jealous, but he couldn’t admit such fault in front of his kids, “Sorry, Jungwoo.”

“Okay. It’s fine,” and Jungwoo was kind of… well…

In love.

When Taeil’s eyes met his, it was butterflies taking flight in his stomach and he couldn’t even hold his gaze.

“So, I want to go with and tell them they’re really dumb. For being mean to Jungwoo-Hyung. But Hyung said I shouldn’t say they were dumb. How should I say it, then?” Jaemin straightened up and Jungwoo felt a smile pull on his lips, reaching out to pet over Jaemin’s back and Jaemin leaned towards him a little.

Because he now could, apparently.

Finally.

When he met Taeil’s eyes again, there was more in them. So much, Jungwoo could get lost in them.

Love, respect, regret, admiration.

Because Jungwoo wasn’t just a lost student anymore, he was strong enough to help a puppy, alone in life, he was strong enough to run an office, and he was selfless enough to put himself second, sometimes, but first when he needed.

He was strong enough to stick up against his family even if it was scary.

Deep down, Taeil knew that, too.

But he was an idiot sometimes, too.

At least someone had knocked sense into them.

They were getting better at communicating. With help.

But help was okay to have.

“I’m really sorry, Jungwoo.”

“It’s okay. I understand where you were coming from, very much so. It’s sweet of you. You don’t have to lie awake all night to think about it,” Jungwoo smiled and pushed his binder into the shelf. His binder had a colour coded index and was sorted alphabetically.

Taeil’s… had… an index… maybe.

“How will you stop me, though?”

“Hyung,” Jungwoo sighed and sat down on Taeil’s thighs, far enough to not be suggestive but more on the side of annoying.

Their boundaries weren’t as strict anymore, not like Jaemin’s chalk lines that no one was allowed to cross.

“You really won’t let them hurt you? In any way? I’m so worried, Jungwoo. I only remember your father on that street, literally pushing you around, and how shaken you were and how awful it was how he treated and spoke to you.” Taeil reached out, touching just his arms. There was no need for him to, but he couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

Jungwoo wished he didn’t have to hold back from making it more than amicable, how it was now.

“I won’t let him repeat that. It was two years ago, I’m not that vulnerable anymore. And I have Nana, just in case. You know he can be very destructive.”

Taeil chuckled and rubbed his back. Jungwoo wanted to scoot closer and never leave.

“Okay. I can trust him with you. I’ll remind him to not hold back if he has to. You should get a suit. For court. I’ll ask my mother where to get one.”

“Well, let’s hope I’ll inherit cash or that will be an issue.”

“I’ll ask her where to borrow one.”

“Sounds a lot more affordable.”

“I’m sorry, for being an asshole.”

“Sorry I called you one. And talked about your father.”

“No, you were right to do that. It’s still a death in the family, I shouldn’t have discredited your grief, that was an asshole-move.”

“Kiss me and I’ll forgive you?”

“Don’t test your luck,” Taeil pushed Jungwoo and he fell against the desk, laughing.

The short-notice court date came much quicker than Jungwoo would have liked for it to.

He felt like his suit was suffocating him, the tie was much too tight and the shoulders constricting him in his movements.

“Straighten up, you’re slouching worse than a sloth. We’ll go in there and let them know they messed with the wrong bitch, you need a minimum of body-tension to do that.”

“Wrong bitch?” Jaemin looked slightly scandalised. Jennie needed to use child-friendly language. This probably wasn’t a child-friendly setting, to begin with.

But Jaemin being here was important to Jungwoo, it helped him.

Jaemin was excited to go to another city, especially into a courthouse, and everything was new and fun for him. Jungwoo clung to his curious questions and bursts of awe to not get lost in anxiousness.

Gunpo had never felt as much haunted by shadows as it had since arriving here an hour ago. He wouldn’t have been able to do this alone, without Jaemin, but also without Jennie.

He rolled his shoulders back and the suit felt a bit less stiff and terrible. He knew he looked good in it, professional, to be taken seriously, but it also felt like an armour he didn’t quite yet know how to wear and use to his own advantage.

It wasn’t his own. It had been borrowed at the shop, that Mrs Moon had excitedly dragged Jungwoo and Jaemin to and paid for the fee for them at. Jungwoo had just meant to ask for recommendations through Taeil, but she had not let him get away and insisted. Not in an uncomfortable, but in a kind way.

Jungwoo wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

She had continuously talked about how her husband, may he rest in peace, had been in a suit when she had first met him and while she hadn't talked about how Jungwoo needed to get married, it had still been kind of implied? But then she had returned to talking about ‘Taeillie’, praising him without sounding distant and arrogant about it. Just like a proud mother.

It had just been weirdly nice and casual.

She had told Jungwoo how to wear the different pieces and how to do his hair to look ‘absolutely dashing’ and… well. It had felt very mother-ly. In a weird way. In a way, that Jungwoo certainly had not experienced in years, and in a way, that he had never expected her to behave.

It was hard to be resentful when you realised how much she truly just wanted her son to be happy.

Apparently, not only her son, even her son’s intern whose only personal link to her was the same university they had gone to.

And the love for said son, that she didn’t know of.

Or did she?

Maybe it was like Taeil with his kids and she was completely aware Jungwoo was head over heels for Taeil but he didn’t see it? Jungwoo was just really confused about the situation.

There hadn’t even been any comment about Jaemin pulling out 50 different ties and trying them all.

Again, it had been weird and when Jungwoo had asked Taeil about it, he had looked thoughtful and said she really had changed, recently.

So, probably, it had nothing to do with their non-relationship and she just had overcome some of her grief and grown from it. That would make sense.

“It’s important to have a mindset that no one can mess with you, going into this,” Jennie explained and pulled her own blazer down.

Jungwoo knew she had her licence, but she had only had it for a couple of weeks. Right now, in these clothes, with her heels, and her hair combed back into a sleek ponytail, she still did look like a lawyer and not a complete rookie.

Her only having graduated meant she had only just taken law exams that required her to have a broad understanding of everything in the field. A lawyer’s specialisation only started on the job, which was still ahead of her. She very much knew the ins and outs of succession law, in theory.

Unfortunately, that meant very little experience but Jungwoo didn’t care. He could trust her to do her very best and he didn’t have money to get some big shot of the field. He had researched their rates and quite nearly fainted.

But Jennie had said she was fine with a lower rate, one that was affordable on a trainee’s wage.

Especially since this was personal. An attack on one of the community. She had a strong sense of justice, which was why most people got into law, in the first place. Jungwoo was very grateful.

Jaemin puffed his chest and nodded, looking rather adorable while doing so.

“Good. Let’s go and kick ass,” Jennie smiled.

It’d be fine. Jungwoo was strong. He could stick up for himself even if that meant conflict.

Still.

His fingers shook when he pulled the heavy wooden door open, revealing the big room, full of chairs, where the hearing would take place.

It didn’t look as intimidating as those on TV did. It was smaller, but it had the essentials: A bench for the judge and desks for both sides to take seat, as well as a small auditorium for all those not fitting behind the claimant’s table.

Jungwoo wanted to throw up, but he didn’t.

He quickly let his eyes drag over familiar faces, taking them in.

He remembered them all so well.

They looked older. Some aged, some matured, some just grown up.

He didn’t hesitate to pull the door all the way open and take a big step into the room, the click of his shoes on the tiled floor loud in his ears. It was just the nerves. It wasn’t real.

He heard Jaemin right behind himself and Jennie tailing them.

He didn’t bother watching his mother’s face fall.

He didn’t bother watching his father’s face twist in fury.

He didn’t want to know. He didn’t care.

Jaemin’s steps were quick and short, speaking of his excitement as he followed Jungwoo. Without another look around, to see people he felt too much and too little for, he marched to their table and sat down.

“Hyung, can I sit here?” Jaemin whispered and hopped onto the desk, his tail whipping against the wood. Jungwoo focussed on the wild pattern blurring from the movement. Jaemin was so pure despite having been through so much, he was so sweet, now, that he finally dared to be.

He was proof of Jungwoo’s strength.

How Taeil had gotten light back from his kids when life had hit him in autumn, now, Jungwoo was the one experiencing that he could get back what he put out into the world. Kids could support you how you supported them, without them even realising that was what they were doing. Just through raising them in the values you perceived as right and them acting on those, naturally, it felt like the world was the type of place you wanted to live in.

“The table is for my documents only,” Jennie scolded and her voice filled the room, louder than the whispering from the other side.

“But...”

“Sit next to me, Nana.” Jungwoo patted the chair to lis left.

Jaemin climbed over the table, which probably ruined any good impression. It was okay. He was still learning and Jungwoo was still so, so proud of him and squeezed his cheek affectionately, Jaemin leaning into his touch and then scooting so his chair was lined up right next to Jungwoo’s, no room between them.

He could be strong because Jaemin made him stronger than he had already been.

“Can you fill me in with names?” Jennie leaned closer and Jungwoo took a deep breath.

Once more, he turned their direction.

There were too many for them to sit on the other bench. He didn’t know the lawyer, but he stared at Jennie like he was a shark and Jennie a hurt seal.

Disgusting. The man was over 50.

“The man next to the maggot is my father and next to him my aunt and uncle on paternal side. Guess they’re the main claimants?”

“No, it’s all of them but, as the older ones, they might be representing everyone. Maggot is really such a charming name, I love it,” Jennie chuckled but sat a little straighter like she had been reminded to not falter under some old dude’s stare because she wasn’t here to be his eye-candy.

“Right?” Jungwoo smirked despite himself. His father’s glare was chilling but he wasn’t going to let it get to him.

Not anymore.

Once more, he looked older. Much more aged than he had last time he had seen him.

Bitterness made him ugly, Jungwoo guessed.

He let his eyes travel.

His mother had her head turned away as if just looking at him was too much already.

Whatever.

He had known that and he still named her as the person she had been as he had grown up. He hadn’t expected support or understanding so he didn’t miss it while naming one after one.

However, there were two pairs of eyes on him, looking like they were suddenly having second thoughts regarding whether or not to try and push Jungwoo into the part of the disowned, gay bother.

But it didn’t feel like they were his sisters anymore. Just people he had used to know.

Jungwoo didn’t bother returning the small smile Jina sent him. He didn’t bother returning the pleading Yoona had in her eyes.

They could have contacted him.

Neither had.

Now, he didn’t want it anymore and their names felt like those of strangers when he told Jennie.

“Nana, leave the table alone, it didn’t hurt you, did it?” Jungwoo genty took Jaemin’s hands where he had suddenly started to scratch the wooden surface.

“No. Sorry,” Jaemin folded his fingers and Jungwoo smiled at him encouragingly. His ears were tugged back and he looked no longer excited and like this was all a game, “I just got nervous,” he whispered, eyebrows rising into puppy eyes.

“That’s okay. I’m also nervous. I’ve never done this before. But I’m sure Jennie will know how to do it, at least she told me she did.”

Jaemin nodded carefully and his bi-coloured eyes scanned the room.

“They look really mean.”

“Mm, some do.”

“Maybe they don’t like that I’m here? I can leave,” Jaemin looked like he was beating himself up again and Jungwoo rubbed his hands.

“I don’t care what they think. I’m really glad to have you here because you were the one to tell me to stick up for myself and you’re right. I should. But if you’re uncomfortable, you can leave, of course. I wouldn’t be upset.”

Jaemin didn’t look like he wanted to leave, just like he thought himself not good enough. Jungwoo squeezed his hands tighter.

“Maybe they’re jealous because you’re now my family and a so much better one than they ever were?” he softly suggested, almost too low for anyone to hear, but Jaemin’s ears were better than his own and he perked up.

“Yes! You’re the best! You know that, right, Hyung? You’re the best!”

Jungwoo felt himself smile warmer, his chest filling with happiness and love.

“Thank you. You’re also the best!”

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.” Jungwoo’s attention was pulled from his kid and he straightened up and let go of Jaemin, who also tried to seem more important and mature than he actually was.

The judge had entered the room and stood behind the main desk, a few other court officials to her side.

Silence fell over the room and Jungwoo took a deep breath to calm himself.

He didn’t care about these people. None of them.

He was just here for himself.

And when Jennie stood up to read her statement out, listing paragraph upon paragraph in words Jungwoo could hardly wrap his head around, her voice calm but full of confidence, he started to feel good and grateful that he was here, doing what he knew was right.

He wasn’t the scared high school boy anymore and he was now proving he had grown so far past that, he was hardly even the same person.

And from how quick the arguments were exchanged, it very soon got apparent that the only thing to do, for him, had been to be brave enough to show up.

Because he was actually in the will.

It was impossible to deny it.

It was impossible to fight over anything because his grandmother had just chopped up a part of her savings. There was no legal ground to stand on for the Kims.

He knew his family must have bet on him not daring to show his face and thus give his share up.

And he was happy to prove them wrong.

“I usually have families fighting over houses to be sold or heirlooms to be allocated when it wasn’t clear. Mr Kim, may I ask what you did in order to have your family believe you unrightfully snug your way into your grandmother’s funds and aren’t deserving to be there while they are?”

Jungwoo glanced over. To where his aunt sat with her face set in disgust, his uncle looking like he was counting the minutes until he could go and have a drink, and his father ready to break his neck with his own two hands.

How Taeil would have thought…

Well.

He believed in the best in people.

“It’s their disability to understand love in all her shapes,” Jungwoo chirped, smiling sweetly. Obnoxiously sweetly because he didn’t really feel like smiling in such a stressful situation. Yet, he still did, just to spite them.

The judge couldn’t rule against him just because she might be homophobic. The law was on his side, in this case. It might deny him marriage with his beloved but it didn’t deny him his inheritance just based on his sexuality.

He was no longer scared and had to hide and pretend he was something he wasn’t just because it wasn’t the norm.

“I see. An unfortunate situation we see quite often, isn’t it? Mrs Kim must have changed her mind in regards to you, so that’s nice.”

“No! She would have never! He was rightfully disowned, not only by me but also by my mother,” his father burst out, jumping off his chair. Jungwoo startled and Jaemin growled for a second, but no one had heard anyway. It was okay. He wanted to protect Jungwoo.

“Yes, Mr Kim, you already said so. Multiple times. It’s the reason why we’re here, yet, there’s no proof of that in this legally binding contract. This case, if I may say so myself, might be the easiest to solve in my career so far. Kim Jungwoo is to inherit 1/7th of the funds dedicated to Kim Kyunga’s grandchildren. Case closed.”

Jungwoo stared at the judge for another moment.

Was that it?

That had been anticlimactic.

Jennie tapped her papers and pushed them back into her binder, a victorious smile on her lips.

“Is that all? That was lame,” Jaemin asked, leaning past Jungwoo.

“Yes. It was already quite dramatic with someone jumping up. But fistfights usually only happen on TV,” Jennie chuckled. Still, Jungwoo could see the relief in her face.

He glanced over to where his father was cursing his lawyer.

“What an embarrassment. Let’s get out of here, shall we?” he rose off his chair but Jaemin stayed seated.

“I can’t. Yet. I have to tell your parents they’re dumb,” he whispered with urgency.

“What?” Jennie chuckled and Jungwoo felt a small smile grow on his face despite the situation still being stressful and uncomfortable.

“Yes! Because they’re pretty mean to my Hyung even though he’s the best!” Jaemin whispered, brows furrowed. Jennie cooed but Jungwoo just felt warm and happy despite his anxiousness still very much being there.

“Yes, he’s a very decent human being. Are you sure you want to talk to that… person?” Jennie looked over to where Jungwoo’s father seemed to forget where he was and that everyone could hear him.

Jaemin looked very conflicted, despite having been the one to challenge everyone when he had first come.

Maybe he was past that.

“You don’t have to, okay? I’m really, really happy you came with me and were so supportive, that means more than trying to get my parents off their ignorance could,” Jungwoo reminded Jaemin.

“Ah. Well. Maybe not then.”

Jungwoo chuckled when Jaemin darted off his chair and towards the exit, through which most of the family had already left.

“Congratulations. I’m glad I hired such a good lawyer,” Jungwoo slowly felt the discomfort leave the closer to the door he got.

“You’re very welcome. The rates will rise according to my glorious successes.”

“Speaking of, how much am I getting, past tax?”

“I’m not a tax person, decent male being! I’m glad I can add one and one.”

Jungwoo snorted.

Well, honestly, he didn’t even care that much. But if he thought about what he could buy for Jaemin… a bed… maybe some shelves to separate his part of the living room properly… some of the clothes he liked to stare at in the shops’ displays… that would be nice.

“Jungwoo-Oppa?” Jungwoo turned his head on reflex, ripped from his thoughts completely unexpectedly, “Hey.”

The words got stuck in his throat before he could even return a greeting.

He didn’t want to give one.

He didn’t care about her anymore, but she had hurt him, indirectly. So much. She was part of the misery he had been through.

Yet, here she was, with her eyes teary and her hand extended just a bit, like to stop him.

He had grown.

She could have, too.

He could still see the good in her, remember precious memories.

Jungwoo swallowed down the hurt, the pain, the past. All that was healed and just now bubbled back up because she was right here and her face had been one of the last ones he had seen, back then, when it had all come out.

Yet, it wasn’t. She had become a young woman, rather than a girl, and her visual maturity might be reflected inside.

She deserved a chance.

“Hello, Jina,” it sounded stiff, a little too deep, but the nerves made it hard.

He let his eyes pass over her face and to that of his older sister, “Hello, Yoona.”

Jaemin had noticed he hadn’t caught up and returned. Jungwoo suddenly felt him against his side, Jennie right next to his other, while his sisters stood opposite like there was a line on the ground to not pass.

Jungwoo wasn’t going to reach out.

“I’m sorry. For this… mess.” Jina’s eyes flitted to the hearing room’s door, through the hallway that everyone else had already left, clearly worried someone would see them.

“Mess? Right, what an inconvenience for you,” Jungwoo knew he sounded petty and bitter but he couldn’t help it.

“No, I’m sorry, that wasn’t right, I just…” Jina’s voice ebbed off and she seemed to look for words that wouldn’t come to her. The tears became too much to hold and Jungwoo’s heart clenched, the bitterness melting and leaving compassion for his little sibling.

“Jungwoo, we’re sorry for how you’ve been treated and we’re sorry for how we treated you,” Yoona took over, “Treat you. This case? We both realised it’s absurd and unfair and we’re sorry we were part of that. It’s easy to be swayed into some… image and idea when you always just hear one side of things.

“It’s easy to just sign when you don’t even know the other party anymore, just a memory that was warped by one way being re-told and reinforced.” her voice was steadier than Jina’s had been, a hand on her sister’s shoulder, but it was clear it wasn’t easy for her. It was clear she didn’t just say empty words, “but it was the wrong thing to do and we both realised that too late. We’re sorry.”

She was still as beautiful as a flower but her face was open and set in pain and Jungwoo believed… it hadn’t only been hard for him.

As he managed to look beyond his own nose, he realised he had no reason to hold resentment and cling to the past when he told himself he had overcome it so often.

He had been kicked out of what had already hurt him before that.

They were still in it.

“Okay. Thank you. I forgive you,” and saying these words to the apology he had gotten felt good. It felt right. It was closure.

“Thank you,” Jina sniffed and Jungwoo reached into his trouser’s pocket and pulled out a tissue for her, that she accepted with shaky fingers.

“Thank you, too,” Yoona’s voice was thick with tears as well, but she blinked them away.

She was the oldest sister. She had to be strong for her little siblings, she always had had to.

“Are you… happy? Because you look… like you are,” Yoona’s voice was soft and when she reached out, Jungwoo also did, their hands touching.

“I am. Are you?”

Yoona’s smile was strained and she rubbed Jina’s back.

“We all have our roles in life, don’t we?”

Jungwoo traced his thumb over the back of her hand, feeling the skin soft and warm.

“In the end, you always have a choice. But it’s up to you to make it.”

Yoona chuckled darkly and squeezed his fingers before pulling away.

“Not all of us are that strong.”

All the times of Jungwoo having been put first, all the times of his father reminding Yoona of how much more he would have wanted a son. To stay back. To put herself second.

She was in a mould that might not fit her just as much as he had been.

He remembered her photos, Johnny’s admiration for her art.

“Everyone can be. You’ve been making a name for yourself, haven’t you? You can be proud of that. You don’t need to stay where you’re not appreciated. If you decide to, you can find me at Heaven Hybrid clinic in Seoul. You, too, Jina,”

Jina just nodded and Jungwoo wondered if, maybe, she hadn’t known he had had her number, all these years. He hadn’t checked her profile in a while but he still had it.

Truly, he didn’t know what had happened after he had left.

But he also didn’t care anymore. He had grown past that. He wasn’t going to hold a grudge that he had overcome. But he also couldn’t throw himself into hurt and darkness when there was no rational reason for him to and without even being asked to.

If they’d come to him, he’d be there.

“Yoona, Jina, what are you doing?” His father’s bark ripped through the hallway and Jungwoo grabbed Jaemin and shot the two one last smile, not even bothering to turn around to where the voice was coming from.

He ignored the words he had for him and he also didn’t let Jaemin break free to go and defend his honour, that actually got hurt this time. He just walked down the hallway, his shoes and Jennie’s heels loud on the floor and drowning out whatever hatred his father was living with and didn’t know how to express any other way.

It was just sad, for him to choose to live this way.

“Hyung! I need to tell him he’s dumb, after all! It’s unfair he says this about you!” Jaemin whined and struggled.

“Nana, he won’t listen to you. Not when he’s like that. You’re much too important to me for me to risk you get hurt, okay? Let’s go and have some yummy ice cream to celebrate instead. The one without lactose. You, too, Jennie!”

“Are you paying, decent… are you paying, sweetie?”

“Of course, I’m rich now… darling.”

“Who knows. For all we know, it could be 10 won.”

_[to: Tael-Hyung] [sent: 2:46 pm]_

_It all went well_

_My sisters apologised. That felt good._

_[from: Tael-Hyung] [sent: 2:56 pm]_

_Oh, Jungwoo, that’s such a relief!!_

_[from: Tael-Hyung] [sent: 4:01pm]_

_When will you be back in Seoul?_

_[to: Tael-Hyung] [sent: 4:02 pm]_

_We’re already there._

_Do you need me to come in?_

_[from: Tael-Hyung] [sent: 4:04 pm]_

_If you could? _

_I might have adopted a bunny Hybrid. _

_[to: Tael-Hyung] [sent: 4:06 pm]_

_I see._

_I’ll be there in 20 min_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exclusive look into how I chose Jungwoo’s sisters:
> 
> 1) someone tall 2) someone with these cute/beautiful visuals Jungwoo has going on 3) someone from a 2nd gen girl group *thinks of Yoona and doesn't want to move away from her bc, hello, it's Yoona* Ah, okay Im is close enough to Kim. 4) and now that it’s already super complicated, I also need two people with matching names. *thinks of After School Nana, googles her real name* OMG, look at that, they both have the -A, it’s perfect *tears* THE END
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	35. Chapter 35

Jungwoo felt ridiculously out of place in his suit, but he had just let Jennie take Jaemin to Wangshimni after she had offered. He had only accepted because Jaemin was knocked out from the day of excitement and no longer running off everywhere and instead very docile and just a tiny bit whiny. He wouldn’t have wanted her to have to run across any stations in her heels.

Or Jaemin to get lost forever. It was still a big worry.

He, himself, had taken the Metro to Cheongdam.

Between the business people on the street, he had fit right in. Inside, his shoes were ridiculously loud on the floor and he felt like Cady turning up to the Halloween party as a Zombie bride and not a Playboy bunny.

Yuta jerked upright behind the reception desk and Jungwoo was surprised to still find him here.

“Hey, Yuta,” Jungwoo smiled despite the confusion.

“Hi. Oh, you look hot. Want to impress Hyung?” Yuta tried but his smile was like a grimace. Jungwoo noticed the red passport in his fingers, his knuckles white from how tightly he was holding it.

Jungwoo brushed past the comment and rounded the counter.

“Office hours are over,” he gently reminded and turned the automatic reply on.

“Right,” Yuta let go of the document and moved the mouse. He struggled to click the button to turn the computer off because he was shaking so badly.

While the screen turned black, Jungwoo pulled him off his chair and Yuta slumped right against him, pressing his face into the pristine white shirt.

“Hey. It’s okay,” Jungwoo gently ran a hand through his hair and Yuta sniffled loudly.

“No.”

“No? What’s wrong?”

“The… the bunny he… Sicheng! His name’s Sicheng he’s so… hurt and… scared and… I can’t do anything… and…” Yuta’s voice broke off and Jungwoo hummed as he pulled him tighter. He was going to assume Sicheng was the bunny Hybrid that Taeil had texted him because of.

“He’s here now,” Jungwoo gently reminded him, but Yuta shook with a sob. Jungwoo had never been the one to soothe him, he had never experienced him this way, but it was okay. He was glad Yuta trusted him like this.

“He’ll get patched up if he’s hurt physically and we can all look out for him and help him from now on, so he can heal mentally, too.”

The taste of fear was heavy on his tongue.

It hadn’t worked last time.

It had been catastrophic last time.

No.

It would be okay.

This was a different situation.

It didn’t compare at all.

They couldn’t just give up.

“Y-yeah but he… must have been through hell and… more… Hyung, you have to go help Taeil-Hyung! If he needs!”

“I’m sure he has it all under control, he can wait for another second, let’s get you upstairs first, okay?” because Jungwoo didn’t want Yuta to be alone. Just to be extra safe.

The drop down the staircase was high.

“Okay,” Yuta nodded and let go of Jungwoo, only grabbing his arm to hold on.

Jungwoo put a hand on his, just to make sure.

He knew Yuta had accepted his second chance.

But just in case.

The staircase was cold as always, but Jungwoo had never heard his shoes echo off the walls.

“I’m not used to these. I feel so out of place,” he muttered.

“Well, I meant it when you said you looked good. I talked about it with Seulgi-Noona just earlier, suits look great on everyone,” Yuta nudged his waist and Jungwoo felt his face heat up a bit.

“Thank you.”

When they opened the door, Jungwoo heard the light footfall of Taeyong and, a second later, he was in the door.

“You’re late! What about my shoulder massage? You promised!” he huffed, but deflated when he saw Yuta’s tear-stained face.

“Sorry. I lost track of time,” Yuta held up the passport, “Who wants to share rooms?”

Jungwoo guessed this wasn’t how Taeil, in his over-thinking ways, would have broken the news, but from Taeyong’s eyes widening and his hands reaching out, it didn’t really matter.

“Give me!”

“Manners?”

“Dwarf Hotot? Is he really small?” Taeyong flipped the small booklet open, green eyes wide and attentive, “Oh. 1.80m. Well. I know for sure he’ll be adorable and wonderful! We could share!”

“What if I wanted to share first?” Yuta tried, but he didn’t come out as teasingly as he surely had wanted and Taeyong reached out to pluck Yuta off Jungwoo’s arm, holding him tightly.

Jungwoo ruffled Yuta’s hair again before he pulled away for good.

“I’ll make you some tea, okay? We could also postpone my shoulder massage in favour of one for you if you’d feel better?” Taeyong was suggesting while Jungwoo closed the door.

He still felt out of place when he carefully knocked on room 4. The ‘lab’.

If they were in here, it meant the Hybrid had to have more serious injuries. Especially since they were still at it.

Perhaps, Taeil had actually needed his help professionally? Jungwoo wasn’t sure.

“Jungwoo? Come in!”

He poked his head into the room.

On the patient bed, curled up, sat a bunny, his white hair dirty with dust and blood, eyes swollen and tears down his cheeks. A bruise bloomed over the entire left side of his face, discolouring it gruesomely, and there were stitches in his lower lip. His torso was bare, a blanket over his shoulders to keep him warm, that he now tried to wrap himself into. Jungwoo saw even more bruises and cuts down his front, already cleaned and taken care of.

It wasn’t what he had expected.

He maybe should have, when Yuta had said through hell and back. He had thought metaphorically rather than literally.

Taeil was in working mode, face set in seriousness, a few stains on his clothes, gloved hands holding what he must have just been using. Seulgi looked no different than him, but Jaehyun wasn’t able to suppress his emotions as much, his ears tugged back, tail between his legs where he was standing next to the bed.

It seemed like Jungwoo had come right as they were taking a small break between procedures.

“We still have to plaster a broken arm,” Taeil explained and the bunny scooted backwards, looking panicked.

‘Sicheng’ suggested a Chinese origin like Kun’s, but he didn’t seem to not understand.

Jaehyun looked at Jungwoo for help and Jungwoo realised his suit was 200% out of place, but he stepped into the room nevertheless.

Taeil gave him a surprised once-over, his focus broken for a moment but not more. Now wasn’t the time, really not.

“Jaehyun, please?”

Jaehyun nodded, seeing how Jungwoo couldn’t step in for him in what he was dressed in without risking a few grands to pay for the damage, that blood was going to leave.

Jungwoo knew it was hard for him because Sicheng was family to him, in his head. He had the same set of instincts as Yuta, after all, protecting his family was important to him.

He would have liked to take this from Jaehyun, let him go home.

It wasn’t nice to pull Sicheng back from his fetus-position and hold him down. No one here would have done it, but he had just stared back with his pitch-black eyes when Taeil had asked him once, twice.

Jungwoo tried not to take it to heart. Sicheng needed treatment, it was unavoidable. He clearly did not want to be touched but a broken arm needed stability to heal peacefully.

At least, other than his small attempts to slither away before Jaehyun had successfully grabbed him, Sicheng didn’t do anything.

Most notably: he didn’t say anything.

He didn’t make any noise when Taeil wrapped the bandages around his left arm, letting it set and harden before adding more to secure it all in place and make it stick together.

He just cried in perfect silence and, in a way, it was more heartbreaking than any screaming could ever be.

Jungwoo noticed the deep red skin on his neck, like a collar burnt into the flesh.

Shock-collar.

He had to suppress a shiver.

Of course, people used those.

Especially bad people.

The second Jaehyun let go of him and Taeil and Seulgi stepped away, he tried curling up again, bringing his broken arm into the centre of safety, pulling the blanket around himself tighter.

Jungwoo saw the upset on Taeil’s face, barely concealed, now, that the Hybrid was taken care of.

He felt so useless in the room full of people, so helpless faced with yet another completely new and different fate, a person he only knew the name of but who needed a home and a family.

A person so much could go wrong with, just how it had…

Still, he stepped up and pulled the wheelchair from where it was stored away, unfolding it.

“Quarantine?” he softly asked Taeil, who was taking the rubber gloves off.

“Mm, can’t help it. I need to get blood done, vaccinations…”

“Should I?”

“Maybe better,” Taeil nodded and Jungwoo turned to the Hybrid on the patient bed, who stared at them with his eyes wide open, full of silent terror.

Despite the bruise looking rather horrific and his lip currently being swollen, he was undeniably beautiful.

Jungwoo tried to make his smile as warm as possible and sat down on the far end, leaving him all the space he could.

“Hey, Sicheng?”

Sicheng’s eyes were on him, clearly having singled him out as the source of danger, but they kept flitting around the room, every few seconds, to assess the risks anew.

“Do you understand Korean?” Jungwoo started, giving his voice the warmest tone he knew to use, the one that worked best with scared people.

Sicheng’s ears had turned a little, focusing on Jungwoo only, while never stopping to re-evaluate his situation. Maybe it was an instinct from the nature of a prey animal? Jungwoo didn’t remember Kun to have done this even though he had been terrified at first, too.

It would be fine. Kun was a lovely and kind young man with confidence in himself, now, Sicheng would get the same chances he had and he’d turn out wonderfully and lovely, too, Jungwoo told himself through the anxiousness that made him want to just go home and let someone else do this.

He couldn’t.

There was no one else.

Just as he started to think he had mistaken his behaviour for understanding when it wasn’t, Sicheng nodded. It was barely noticeable, just a tiny down and up move, but Jungwoo had kept all his attention on him and didn’t miss it.

What a relief.

“Okay. Thank you for letting me know. It must be really, really scary and confusing right now, but you’re at a clinic because you got hurt. Because you did, you need to stay here for a few nights until we can be sure you’re fine. Do you understand that?”

Sicheng had started crying again, but he gave another tiny nod. It was so sad to watch, so heartbreaking.

Jungwoo wished they could shortcut and make him okay, right now, but that was impossible. It’d take time and Sicheng, just like anyone, deserved time.

“Okay. I’ll take you to the room where you can stay for now. We can give you new clothes there, too, and you can wash up if you want to. You can sit down here and I’ll take you there.”

Sicheng looked defeated and helpless. Jungwoo didn’t want to and, hopefully, couldn’t even imagine what he was expecting.

Despite that, he carefully scooted over the patient bed and into the wheelchair, holding perfectly still as Jungwoo pushed him from the room and down the hallway.

Broken. Beaten into perfect submission to not even fight when he was petrified.

Jungwoo wanted to throw up.

He didn’t. Instead, he filled the silence, keeping his voice light and soft, using his natural tone to his advantage.

“Here’s the front. We treat everyone who comes in here. I look really funny today, but I usually work here as well – and not in a suit. That would be very useless, just how I was right now. I’m Taeil-Hyung’s trainee. Oh! I didn’t even tell you my name yet, did I? How rude of me. I’m Jungwoo, it’s nice to meet you.”

Of course, there was no reaction, but Sicheng’s ears were turned, so Jungwoo guessed he might be listening.

“Now, here’s the quarantine hallways. It’s for people who’re very hurt or very sick, how you are. It has a lock, so no one unauthorised can come in and upset anyone needing peace or catch something from someone with a contagious illness.” Jungwoo turned Sicheng away to type the password it. It was a bit dumb to hold a monologue, but, in his opinion and experience, it always helped to tell people what was happening to them and just hearing someone talk could already help you calm down.

The door opened for them and he turned on the lights before rolling Sicheng inside.

“Would you like to choose a room?”

No reaction.

Jungwoo knew it was a difficult task and Sicheng probably overwhelmed and on a ton of pain killers, but he still wheeled him through all the rooms, explaining their individual advantages and disadvantages.

He picked up a fresh pyjama from the cabinet while Sicheng still hadn’t made a single noise and helped him into it, talking about why it, unfortunately, was a really big and boring one because hospital wear had to fit everyone. He told him he could have a nice one once he got out of here, one he could pick himself.

He tried hard to never touch him but just reaching out towards Sicheng, to help him re-dress, was already too much.

Jungwoo talked over it and pretended it wasn’t a problem. He couldn’t solve that issue right now, he had to work with it even if it hurt and he still felt sick.

He was so disgusted by humankind for what they had done to this Hybrid to behave how he did, to look how he did, beaten blue and bloody.

Much to Jungwoo’s happiness, Sicheng finally kind-of chose the biggest room, the one with the big windows. He might have accidentally talked him into it, but it was hard to not with Sicheng not replying.

“Do you like the sun? It’s nice, right? Better than darkness,” Jungwoo flicked on all the lights and Sicheng watched intently how he did it, “I don’t like darkness either.” Sicheng cocked his head and then gave a tiny nod.

Very cute.

When Jungwoo opened the door to office 1, he immediately closed it again because a pencil came flying his direction, accompanied by an angry yell from Taeil.

Okay?

“I’m sorry, Jungwoo! Oh my god, I didn’t mean to hit you!” the door was ripped open again and Jungwoo was just a little confused but as Taeil picked the pencil up, he seemed to return back to Hulk-mode and threw it against the window, outside of which the city was illuminated brightly.

“Fuck!”

Jungwoo wondered if he should be here, but he softly closed the door and moved to sit down while Taeil threw an eraser, another pencil, a biro, and his notepad against the same window.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

Taeil fell onto the patient bed next to Jungwoo, the anger still rolling off of him but tears in his eyes mixing with it.

“Who would do this to him? What kind of monsters hurt him like that? Fuck! Fuck them!” Taeil’s voice broke and he pulled his feet up, his shoes leaving dark marks on the paper guard.

Jungwoo gently rubbed his hand over his back.

It was a question he continuously asked himself.

But they were out there, the people caring so little about another person.

“His name’s Sicheng?” Taeil finally whispered and turned his head, looking up at Jungwoo. His eyes were dark and the angle made him look the most stunning he could be, so Jungwoo forgot to answer and just stared back, trying to take in how soft the slope of Taeil’s nose was, how his brows thinned out, how his cheek was squeezed against his knee, how…

“Jungwoo?”

“Hm? Sicheng? Yeah, it’s in his passport. We need to ask Kun how to properly pronounce it.”

“Oh, I see. We need to. I should have seen that when I signed. I forgot to read,” he uncurled and kicked his legs against the air, “Fuck, I’m so angry, I can’t even tell you how much. He has three broken ribs, the arm, all the bruises and cuts and… his neck… fuck, they’ve nearly beaten him to death, the poor boy! If the ribs had punctuated his lungs or if they had kept going and he had gotten more than a mild concussion? He would have been _dead_. Would anyone have even cried for him? Or would they have just cursed because they’d need to re-purchase someone to replace him?”

Taeil angrily wiped a tear off his cheek.

“I’ve never seen anyone hurt _this_ badly. Never. I… I want them to not be allowed to do this! _How dare they?_ Imagine if this was a human! But like this? Nothing! There’s nothing he could do, he could have been put down instead.

“Fuck them!

“I hate society!”

Taeil yelled the last words towards the ceiling.

“I swear, if anyone ever puts a hand on one of the kids, they’ll find their asses sued to Chile and back!”

Jungwoo reached out and gently massaged Taeil neck, feeling his hair tickle against his fingers.

He could already feel anger in his gut just imagining someone putting a hand on Doyoung with intentions to hurt him how Sicheng had been, “Twice,” he added under his breath.

Taeil sighed deeply and slumped against him. There was no anxiety that Jungwoo sensed, just this anger and sadness for the bunny.

He, himself, had been calm when Kun had come. He had been a little nervous when Jaemin had.

Now, he was scared.

He was behind Taeil, in the circle of new reactions that kids would bring, in the experience and growth.

He was not going to catch up to him in this.

Who said he had to, though?

He didn’t. It was fine.

Instead, he used the anger Taeil felt to redirect his own fear.

It would be fine. This time. Sicheng wasn’t Jaemin. And if he ended up being, they’d pull the ripcord early enough.

They knew what mistakes had been made and had grown from them, past them.

They weren’t going to repeat them.

They weren’t going to let fear win over and keep them from doing what they perceived as the right thing – which was giving people like Sicheng a home and a family.

“Let’s talk about something good. How was your day? You look pretty… uhm,” Taeil turned his head away from where he had just been looking at Jungwoo, a flush on his cheeks, and Jungwoo felt a smirk tug on his lips. He liked the distraction, to keep himself from harvesting anxiety he didn’t have any use for.

He kind of wanted to push himself into Taeil’s line of vision. Wanted to tease him, get a reaction.

But he still felt too weighted down by Sicheng, and his terrible fate, to flirt.

“You look really handsome,” Taeil whispered and Jungwoo squeezed a tiny bit tighter where he was still massaging his neck because his stomach fluttered from the small compliment, beating the nausea, that fear had left him with.

“Thank you. It was a good hearing, I’d say. I was really nervous, but Jaemin and Jennie were there, so I made it through. It was much faster than I expected. I think the judge was quite baffled we were even there because there wasn’t much to try and uproot in the will with.”

Taeil hummed and leaned against him heavier.

“Your sisters?” he softly prompted and Jungwoo thought back.

“They apologised. Both. My little sister was quite upset. I… I mean, I always looked back and saw them at fault for never reaching out but I think it’s just not that simple.”

“No. It never is.”

“I don’t know what my father told them, what my mother did, what they had to do to not suffer the same fate I did. I’d never expect it from anyone to do that, willingly, just for my sake. I think they were sincere.

“I guess they thought of me as… I don’t even know. Probably as the absolute worst. I think having Nana there and letting me be myself with him instead of just stiffly sitting in my chair with Jennie was good. I think not backing down was good. I think telling the judge I was accused of this because they don’t understand my love, instead of hiding, was good.

“I have no regrets.

“I told them if they ever changed their mind, they could come. It felt good to forgive them.”

Taeil struggled to look up because he was slumped down so much. It was, overall, an odd situation because there was literally blood on him and Jungwoo was in a suit, but Jungwoo still kept pressing his fingers against his skin, feeling his body’s warmth and his accelerated pulse.

He was just so comfortable, he didn’t even care how odd this might be. With Taeil, he’d love even the weirdest circumstances as long as he’d be there.

“That’s really mature. I’m proud of you,” Taeil whispered and Jungwoo swallowed and had to look away.

A few more months.

“I want to go to IKEA and buy a few things for Nana. Now, that I can. It’s not that terribly much but I can really use it. Did you ever go with the kids?”

“Only with a few or I’d not have survived that. Doyoung, mostly, Yuta, too. I’d say put a huge sticker with his name on him because I’m quite sure you’ll lose him.” Taeil chuckled.

“I thought about leaving him in the kids’ thing but they might have an age restriction.”

“Probably. I mean, you could have taught him to not run off…”

“Shut up, I know he’s a spoilt brat, but the cutest spoilt brat!” Jungwoo felt himself smile a silly smile.

Taeil laughed.

“Okay. You know, don’t listen to me. You don’t need any advice from the know-it-all, who didn’t even do nearly as good a job. Speaking of. Time to find out where to house another Hybrid. At least, I already have the bunk bed.”

“Hyung, you’re still doing really well, you know that, right?” Jungwoo held Taeil down gently, not so that he couldn’t easily break away, but to let him know he didn’t want him to go quite yet.

Taeil stopped his attempt to get up and instead glanced at Jungwoo, once more.

“I try. I’m not going to say I’m not still nervous. But… I think I know my boundaries better, this time. And I also think Sicheng cannot be compared to Jaemin. Or to anyone. Unfortunately. Like I said, I’ve never seen anyone this hurt, no, that’s not quite right, this hurt purposefully, rather than accidentally, before.”

“Yeah. I agree. I’m scared. But… we both learnt from it, right? We can’t just stop because we went wrong once.”

“No, never. That’d be like giving up. I hate giving up, I only strive for the best.”

“Why didn’t you go to Seoul National then, but to the third-ranking uni in South Korea?”

“Jungwoo! Don’t try me!”

“Hyung, mercy! The suit’s borrowed! Hyung, aah!”

As it turned out, the interesting thing about Sicheng was… everything.

He was fascinating.

He didn’t seem to speak, ever, to no one, neither Korean nor Mandarin. Kun had tried on the third day of Sicheng being here, the one when he had been released from quarantine. His bloodwork had been okay enough to go without refreshing any vaccinations and Taeil had thought it might be better for him to be here rather than alone.

He didn’t speak but that didn’t mean he didn’t communicate.

Sicheng was extremely expressive only using his body and face. He got his points across, whatever it was, and that was extremely valuable.

He did struggle a little with things like suddenly being his own boss and he seemed extremely suspicious of them both, but also of all the other Hybrids. That was to be expected and no one was too worried or too upset. They could work on that, they had before.

His biggest issue, probably, was that he wasn’t always understood because the kids, sometimes, were a little too impatient and didn’t quite ‘listen’ to him.

He didn’t like to be touched. At all. That was very obvious and Jungwoo had stropped trying on the second day. He hadn't touched Jaemin much at first either.

Only Sicheng knew what he had been through, what kinds of people, however many of them, had touched him without his consent.

Jungwoo couldn’t even imagine. He didn’t want to imagine because it made him feel sick. He knew there were thousands of brothels out there, filled with helpless Hybrids. And there was nothing he could do, other than help Sicheng as much as he could. They weren’t illegal because it wasn’t humans who were prostituted there. No law protected them from their owners.

Now, Taeil was his owner and they’d try their best to make up for what had been wrong before.

Sicheng didn’t like the dark, to the point that he didn’t even step into shadows.

It was interesting because it was like a re-enactment of how Jungwoo tried to grasp mental trauma and visualise it for himself.

Generally, Sicheng seemed to like being curled up in his bed. He’d have every lamp and the flashlight with eyed-vegetables, Taeil had gotten him, turned on, to ensure no shadows lingered, the door preferably shut, and only Sicheng with his sketchbook in the room.

It used to be Yuta’s room, the small one on the end of the hallway with the bed tucked right under the window.

Doyoung had suggested the single-room situation because bunnies built burrows and these kinds of physical enclosures felt safe to them, he had explained.

It was best to trust Hybrids when it came to Hybrids. Sicheng seemed to love his room and the quiet it offered.

Meanwhile, Yuta had already been sleeping in the bunk bed Jaemin had left vacant before that.

To not be alone.

To be able to stand up in the mornings.

To fight depression with a sweet and supportive roommate.

“I think he hates us.” Taeyong’s tail was silky between Jungwoo’s fingers, the tip twitching.

“But he’s only been here for three days,” Jungwoo gently ran his hand down the grey appendage once more and Taeyong purred happily.

He was the only Hybrid who, occasionally, liked to have his tail petted. Taeyong said it was a cleaning-instinct while Kun said that was not a thing and it was a Taeyong-instinct instead.

“Yeah, but, he always glares at me when I try to cuddle him. I’m sure he hates me. I don’t want him to hate me.”

“Mm. Maybe he doesn’t mean it that way, though. It’s a little hard to tell but I think he’s a bit scared of touch. Maybe he needs a bit of time to heal and overcome that before he feels okay with you touching him?”

“But that doesn’t make sense? I always felt better when someone cuddled me. Still do. All Hybrids do,” Taeyong’s eyes were wide and innocent and Jungwoo hoped he’d figure it out if he didn’t want to listen.

He hoped this wouldn’t be an issue.

“In the future, perhaps, it will help him. But, right now, I think he still needs space for himself because he was probably not given any, where he came from.”

Taeyong blinked.

“Right. So, I should keep trying until he’s okay with it! That makes sense.”

Jungwoo wasn’t entirely sure it did, but he also didn’t know how to explain it any other way without speaking for Sicheng when he didn’t know if he was even right.

So, he just left him to it and decided to keep an eye on it.

In case it would become an issue, or, preferably, so he’d notice before it became an issue.

He spotted Sicheng coming from the kitchen, nibbling on a piece of celery, eyes a bit too knowing.

Jungwoo sent him a smile, hoping he hadn’t spoken out of turn. It felt bad like gossiping about someone, but since he wouldn’t do it himself, they’d have to try and lend him their voices, for now.

Sicheng stared back, black eyebrows furrowed how they often were, the green vegetable between his teeth.

He was naturally adorable, that much had become obvious already. Someone who looked like a cutie-pie with half his face purple and green, stitches, and a cast, moving at turtle speed because of pain despite high dosages of pain killers from broken ribs that he needed to be careful with, was just not someone you found every day.

Taeyong perked up and waved, apparently hoping to get Sicheng to come over, but Sicheng slowly turned in the door and shuffled down the hall, probably back into his room. His sweater was pushed up a bit, revealing the small, poofy tail that Doyoung usually tucked away because it annoyed him.

“See? I think he hates me,” Taeyong whispered, sounding heartbroken.

“He didn’t look hateful to me at all. Mainly confused and insecure.”

Taeyong sighed.

“I always thought I was good at observing people. But I feel like all my skills and instincts are failing me. Maybe it’s because cats are predators?”

“Well… maybe?” Jungwoo, honestly, had no clue if that meant anything at all. Instincts were too muted in humans for him to even properly recognise them in himself.

“What are you talking about?” Yuta suddenly threw himself onto the sofa next to Jungwoo. He had been doing really well all week after these tough months and the small break-down on Saturday. Jungwoo was very glad he was because it always hurt to see him down even though it wasn’t his fault and he couldn’t do anything about it.

“Your crush,” Taeyong innocently chirped and Yuta’s face flushed pink.

“I don’t have a crush on Sicheng.”

“No one had mentioned Sicheng,” Jungwoo smiled and pulled Yuta into their cuddle pile.

“Is it bad? If I did have a crush on him?” Yuta unexpectedly asked, raising his head up.

Now, Jungwoo was actually curious.

Not just curious, no, this… oh god, Yuta’s first crush? His first love? Maybe? Jungwoo internally melted like he usually did when Jaemin did the bare minimum.

“No, of course it’s not bad, why would it be bad? Love is a very beautiful thing!” Jungwoo reassured Yuta, who seemed pacified and laid back down, nuzzling his head against Jungwoo’s sweater.

“I mean, he’s really… cute? Right?” Yuta whispered and Taeyong giggled, playfully tugging on his ear.

Jungwoo was just… what was this feeling, how should he describe it?

On one hand, he wanted to pull Yuta tighter and only let him feel these butterflies, but keep him safe from any hurt that love could just as much cause. On the other, he wanted to support him to pursue it even though there were risks in that.

Because it was so beautiful and everyone deserved to feel it.

“He is. But he’s also really sensitive and new, so give him time, alright?” Jungwoo gently stroked Yuta’s colourful hair.

“I will! All the time he needs. If it’s okay. I was just making sure. Because… I’d never want to ruin anything, right?”

“Well, as long as you can respect all his boundaries and as long as you can handle a possible rejection, there’s absolutely nothing to ruin. Only to gain.”

“Okay. Just making sure.” Yuta nodded and Jungwoo felt somehow really…

Old.

Because the kid, he felt partly responsible for, was growing up.

Well, he already had done that before but… first love, that was another step entirely.

“Hyuuuung, Jaehyun-Hyung said my horse looked like a cow at best!”

Right. At least one of them was not growing up quite yet.

“Hyung, it’s so unfair, tell him he can’t do that!”

Jungwoo sighed and sunk deeper into the sofa, hearing the door slam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Sicheng, Dwarf Hotot](https://rabbitsforsaleinnebraska.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/172.jpg?w=640)   
[CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	36. Chapter 36

The more days Sicheng had been with them, the more Jungwoo’s nervousness calmed down.

He was proving himself to be completely different from anyone else that had come before him. Of course, he was. Still, it was always fascinating to see how unique each kid was.

He scared and suspicious, but not set on absolutely not going to accept them. It let them be hopeful that they were doing the right thing.

“Jungwoo-Hyung?” but he knew it couldn’t be good that Doyoung was in the hallway, nibbling on his lower lip and staring at him with wide eyes, “Could you… take a break?”

Jungwoo turned to Seulgi, who looked like he could definitely not take a break. They still had two hours on the clock, regularly, and it was _busy_.

“What is wrong?”

“Uh, Jaemin isn’t doing so well?”

Jaemin?

Oh no!

“You should take a break. I’ll let them know Doctor Moon will be with them and I’ll let Taeil-sshi know,” Seulgi put a hand on his arm, probably already shuffling patients in her head.

“Thank you. I’ll try to come back,” Jungwoo felt his chest grow tight.

What was wrong?

Jaemin had been making nothing but amazing progress. Save for the running off. They had planned to go to IKEA on the weekend and Jaemin had been ecstatically surfing the website, changing his mind on what to choose three times a day.

“He went to see Junmyeon-sshi, didn’t he?” Jungwoo asked while following Doyoung towards the back, where the second staircase led right up to the flat.

“Yes, he did. I went to bring and fetch him and the others. Junmyeon-sshi said that Jaemin had been making some very big and important steps forward but that he could be a bit upset even though they had hopefully closed it. Jaemin snorted and said he was fine and he was, for an hour, but then he started bawling. Now he’s hiding under the sofa and was asking for you and… I don’t know if this is good? I feel like it should be good because he never cried and he also never asked for anyone but he’s also sobbing so…”

Jungwoo’s heart clenched. Knowing that Jaemin would want him there, he couldn’t stop himself from running the last two steps and almost into the door in an effort to get to him. He had to know what was wrong, how he could help him, how to dry his tears, make him smile again.

It was worrying that even he could hear the utterly heartbreaking sobbing in the entrance hall and he didn’t bother putting his shoes away properly, he just rushed into the living room. Kun and Taeyong were sitting in front of the sofa, both looking severely misplaced and at a loss of what to do. Sicheng did even more so, where he was in the kitchen door and just silently observing.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, falling onto his knees and the sobs became immediately louder like Jaemin had recognised his voice.

“We… don’t know?” Taeyong shrugged helplessly and Jungwoo leaned down to look under the furniture where he saw the little shaking bundle that had to be Jaemin.

“Nana? Hey, it’s me, Jungwoo,”

Jaemin moved his hand from his face and Jungwoo could see the faint glow of his eyes, how only a Hybrid’s would in the dark.

“Hy-hyung,” it was so broken, so pitiful, Jungwoo wanted to cry, too.

But more, he wanted to be strong, so Jaemin could rely on him.

“Hey, I’m here, it’s okay, do you want to come out?”

“N-n-no.”

Jungwoo was quite sure his shoulders weren’t meant to fit under there and he wasn’t claustrophobic but he still had zero desire to squeeze himself into any tight spaces.

But Jaemin was there and upset and he was _his_ Jaemin.

“May I come down then?”

Just louder sobbing and a hand came out to grab Jungwoo’s sweater, tugging on it.

Jungwoo threw Taeyong and Kun a short smile before he flattened himself to the ground and moved under the sofa.

It was way too tight for two and Jaemin had to see that, too, but he seemed to not care. Jungwoo felt his face press against his shoulder, tears immediately soaking through the material.

“D-don’t l-leave me, p-please! Please, Hy-hyung!”

Jungwoo felt his heart break and he immediately grabbed Jaemin’s hand, to somehow show him that he wasn’t going to do anything of the likes.

“Of course not! I’m here for you, Nana. You’re my family and I’m yours,” he whispered and stroked over his arm, as much as he could, wiggling his hand up until he had a proper grab on him and could pull him against his side.

“Yes!” From how Jaemin clung to him, from how he pressed himself into Jungwoo… he knew he had finally understood.

“H-Hyung, I’m really s-sorry whenever I-I’m annoying.”

“It’s okay, I’m not mad, Nana, you can be yourself, always.”

“Y-y-yeah. I re-remembered f-finally but it-it-it wasn’t g-good,” Jaemin’s voice was so shaky and he hickupped so much, Jungwoo struggled to even understand him.

Had he remembered his parents?

It wasn’t a surprise, that it wasn’t good. Yet, Jungwoo would have loved to have been wrong.

“I’m so sorry, Nana. I wish I could take that pain from you, can I make it better somehow?” Junmyeon must have tried his best to help him with that but there was probably only so much you could do within an hour when it was something so significant. Junmyeon wasn’t Jaemin’s 24-hour support, Jungwoo was. 

“Y-you like m-my eyes right? They’re-they’re pretty, right?”

“Yes. Very, very pretty and unique and special and cute and handsome.”

“A-and my ears? They’re okay, right?”

“Very okay! They’re the cutest ears and only yours, no one else has them, that’s how special they are.”

Jaemin nodded against his arm and his sobbing turned into smaller sniffs, but tears still soaked through Jungwoo’s clothes.

“M-my mum always… told me it wasn’t… she said it was okay when I was little but it wasn’t okay anymore when I was bigger and my dad no longer there because… because I have half from him and half from her and… and it reminded her of h-him but he was gone and… and then she was gone, too, and I was with the science uncle and he said I was good because I had good health but I had to give myself for others, so they could live but not me. It’s… it’s…” Jaemin’s voice was so small and shaky and Jungwoo wished he had never had to experience that.

But he couldn’t undo it.

“Hyung, it’s so-so unfair.”

It was.

It was so unfair that people could beat Sicheng half dead and expect him to be killed as a solution for their cruelty.

It was so unfair that Jaemin couldn’t grow up with his parents but had his mother’s hurt harm him and then end up where he wasn’t worth more than his organs.

It was so unfair that Kun would have to hide his tail in fears of someone stealing him off the street because where Jaemin was worth nothing, he was worth millions and could just be sold to anybody willing to put the cash on the table.

It was so unfair that Jaehyun would be seen as unlovable only due to a harmless skin condition when he was such a loving person.

It was so unfair that Yuta had been passed around like a broken toy when there was a serious illness haunting him that people didn’t believe he could even have.

It was so unfair that Taeyong had been raised to think he wasn’t enough because he was too masculine by the definition of society.

It was so unfair that Doyoung was continuously expected to be a silly, horny little thing when he was studying Master degree level physics.

“It is. It is all so incredibly unfair. I wish I could change it all because I would if I could. But I can’t, Nana. I can only tell you how wonderful you are and how much you’re dear to me.”

“Okay. But… just being my Hyung is already the best. Really,” Jaemin sniffled and sounded like his voice would need three weeks to recover, “It… it’s unfair but it’s not as if you’re there. Or… it doesn’t feel so bad when you are.”

Jungwoo now really had to blink away a few tears himself.

“Good. I will try hard to ensure it stays or becomes better in all ways I can make it better.”

“Thank you. I…feel really sick now.”

“Oh, no. It happened to me so much when I was younger, it’s from crying. Come on, drinking something helps.”

“You cried much when you were younger?” Jaemin sounded much too curious.

Jungwoo sighed and ruffled his hair.

“Believe me, I did many things, some good, some not so much.”

“Like the smoking?” Jaemin whispered.

“Yeah. For example. Can we go back outside now?”

“Is down here mine now? I was wondering…”

“No,” Jungwoo chuckled because Jaemin-world thinking was just quite cute in some ways.

“Oh. Okay. We can leave, then.”

Jungwoo managed to get from the tiny cave. The air suddenly tasted very fresh and the room was very bright. He felt like he was 80 and everything had dislocated. Despite his struggles, he still had to pull Jaemin out from underneath the sofa and drape him on top of it, where Taeyong, Kun, and Doyoung had been sitting in silence, all looking like they knew it wasn’t good manners to listen in on people’s mental break-downs.

Did it really matter, though?

Jaemin sniffed loudly and used Kun’s shirt to wipe his tears.

Probably not.

Jungwoo was about to go and get water, but Sicheng came from the kitchen and put a glass on the table, pushing it Jungwoo’s direction without even looking at him.

“Thank you,” Jungwoo smiled regardless and Sicheng gave a small nod.

Maybe that had been a bit much to witness after only just getting settled at his new home. Or, maybe it had been just right.

Most likely, as usually, there was no ‘correct’ way, anyway. They’d just be wiggling through this and probably end up making a mistake or two.

But, in the end, they’d figure it all out.

Jungwoo took Johnny and Donghyuck along to IKEA because they were ‘pro’s.

Donghyuck had offered and announced this, or rather invited himself along, and Jungwoo just didn’t have the ability to say no, and then Johnny had excitedly asked if they needed some more support, maybe?

Of course, Jungwoo could use support if he was now tasked with taking two excitable and rowdy Hybrids to a furniture maze.

Johnny could track like this was Hänsel and Gretel and the two leaving rocks as big as basketballs on their way. Had Jungwoo been alone, even the name-stickers wouldn’t have saved him because they found them at the bottom of the shark-plushie bin, under the king sized canopy-bed, and in the cabinets of the kitchen display.

Johnny also stacked packages of bed and shelves and closet onto their tiny cart like he was piecing together a dollhouse and let either Jaemin or Donghyuck pretend to be the ones doing the heavy lifting.

It was cute.

So cute, Jungwoo peacefully ignored Donghyuck and Jaemin yelling at each other over whether tails were allowed to wrap around each other or not in the queue to the check-out. Johnny sat on the furniture on top of the cart how it was forbidden to do and wagged his tail whenever Jungwoo pushed it forward.

These were his family and his friends and even though none of this fit any norm ever created, Jungwoo would never change it for anything else.

The chalk borders were pushed back to give Jaemin a somewhat appropriate space for himself and replaced by wooden shelves and a closet, mimicking an actual room within the living area.

Seeing how Jungwoo was a complete catastrophe at any of this ‘home DIY’, Joohyun and Jennie had to help to build everything up until touching was no longer allowed because ‘those shelves were Jaemin’s now’.

Jennie recommended Jaemin should go into some branch of property law. Unfortunately, Jaemin said he was going to be an idol singer or actor because those on TV were really cool and he wanted to be cool, too.

Jungwoo wasn’t ready to let his puppy get into the mechanisms of capitalism any time soon but he also didn’t think labels signed Hybrids, so he had a bit longer until he’d have to cry over having to let go.

Which was good.

In February, Jungwoo cut Taeyong’s hair. It looked slightly choppy but not to the point of being ridiculous.

Why?

Because Jaemin had announced the reason why going to the hairdresser was dumb, was because they’d knock their combs and scissors against his ears.

When Jungwoo had asked Kun if he knew a way to make Jaemin reconsider, Kun had looked very apologetic and said that he was right and that absolutely sucked.

“Would you reconsider if I did it?”

“Only if you don’t hurt my ears!”

“Well, of course, I’ll try.”

“But you don’t know! So, no.”

So, Jungwoo had found someone a bit more patient and understanding.

Once he was certified as ‘really careful and really great because he gave ear pets right after’, Jaemin let him take care of the wild-growth before he looked neglected again.

And then Doyoung asked if he’d cut his hair, too.

And then Kun.

And so on.

In March, Jungwoo accompanied Joohyun to the welcome dinner for the doctorate students at Yonsei University.

“To think you’d switch camps.”

“But, sweetie, K U’s engineering department is a hole of sexist pigs!”

“I can’t even say it’s a great uni because I hate ¾ of my professors. But so did Taeil-Hyung.”

“Yet, you still bicker. Ah, the struggles of an old married couple.”

In April, Jungwoo waited in front of the temple while Doyoung and Taeil went inside to pay respects to Mr Moon.

Normally, he had stayed back at home with the rest of the kids, but Taeil had asked if he wanted to come, or rather, if he’d come to support him.

When Mrs Moon arrived, a little later than her son and his kid, she hugged Jungwoo, a smile plastered onto her face. She asked why he wasn’t inside and that it was proper for the husband to also honour the deceased family.

Jungwoo carefully pointed out that he and Taeil were not married, actually, they weren’t even in a relationship.

“Oh, Jungwoo, don’t be silly, you don’t need some sort of old paper for me. Aren’t we past that? The most important thing is happiness, isn’t it? Now, come, come, I’m a modern woman but we should never mess with the dead. Those are powers out of everyone’s control! Believe me, my husband was always so supportive. All that mattered to him was that his baby-boy was happy, however that looked. And I’m the same. Well. I remembered I was the same, but let’s not talk about what shouldn’t be talked about anymore. Did I tell you he wore a suit when we first met? When is your graduation? You should be dressed appropriately! Down here!”

“But, Mrs Moon, Taeil-Hyung and I really aren’t romantically, uh, together?”

“Are you not? I would have sworn you were. Well, if you aren’t, maybe you should just tell him how you feel? I think it’d have a good outcome, though… maybe wait until graduation. I know my son,” she winked and Jungwoo felt his entire face flush.

In May, Jungwoo handed in the application for his own doctorate thesis.

On the differences in immune systems between mixed Hybrids and pure-bred ones, studied on twenty mixed dog, cat, and bunny Hybrids and twenty purebred dog, cat, and bunny Hybrids, researched with the help of Doctor Kwon Yuri at Seoul National Hospital and Doctor Moon Taeil at Heaven Clinic.

In June, Jungwoo was suddenly at home, alone, writing, researching, writing, analysing, and writing while Jaemin was in Cheongdam to go about his day, study, play, and get the attention he needed.

He still worked two shifts a week. As a trainee. Or assistant. Or something.

So Taeil would not return to overworking himself. And because he loved working as a doctor and even his thesis couldn’t hold him back from already doing what he enjoyed so much.

In July, Taeil was invited to speak.

At an international summit, taking place in Gwanak, at the actual number one uni in South Korea. No petty arguments.

“I will faint.”

“Hyung, it’ll be fine as long as you remember to breathe.”

“I will forget everything.”

“But why should you? Just say anything. It’s on diabetes, please, you know everything about that!”

“I don’t know why I agreed to do this. I’m not suitable for this.”

“But you look amazing in your suit. Get it? Suit-able?”

“I can’t laugh. I’ll faint if I laugh.”

“Okay, well, I think I was being really funny.”

“Jungwoo, oh fuck, I can’t do this!”

“Hyung!” Jungwoo grabbed Taeil by his jaw and tilted his head up.

A few more months!

“You can do this. You’re an expert on the topic! Hardly anyone prescribes insulin, they all can’t hold a candle to you. This is such an amazing chance!”

“I know. It is. It’s a huge chance. To change something for them, to make really high-ups reconsider. So, if I blow it…”

“You won’t. And even if you did, your articles are still out there, you’re still the youngest speaker at this entire summit. I’m so proud of you!”

Taeil looked like he might faint or cry or both, but he took a deep breath and nodded.

“Thank you. I wouldn’t be here without you.”

“And neither would I,” Jungwoo whispered and let go of Taeil before someone else would come into the bathroom and see them like this.

Jungwoo didn’t care for himself.

But Taeil couldn’t have his reputation taunted. For that reason, Jungwoo would hide, at least this part.

Even though he wished he didn’t have to, once his wait was over

Taeil squeezing his hand for just a second still made his heart race. Taeil’s dark eyes, so full of gratefulness, still made his stomach flutter.

Like it was the first day of falling in love.

He wanted to yell it from the rooftops even though that was ridiculous. He was just so in love.

And he, admittedly, was nervous for Taeil’s sake.

Very much.

But he had hidden it from him so he’d maybe calm down.

That had paid off.

Despite the translator making it difficult to keep up a flow but needed to allow the international audience to listen, despite Jungwoo feeling like he’d faint in the audience, Taeil made it through, looking dashing, professional, and in charge.

He presented all his recent results from researching different types of effective and cost-friendly treatments and only stumbled over his own words a couple of times at the beginning, then gained confidence as he kept going.

It was fucking hot.

There was just one minor issue: the champagne, that had been given out for all the attending professionals (and intern/assistant/trainee/doctorate students), free, passed around constantly, and seeming like a great way to soothe Jungwoo’s nerves.

He really wasn’t sure how many glasses he had had, at this point.

Not… that many… right?

But things were seriously wonky and there kept being questions asked that Taeil had to answer. Jungwoo worried one might trip him or be asked purposefully mean, especially when they came in English and he didn’t understand them at first.

So, he needed more to soothe more.

When he looked at his phone to see the time, the numbers were double. Was it 9 or 99? Or maybe 999?

That couldn’t be good.

He surely hadn’t had that much, right?

Well, he hardly ever drank anymore, so, maybe he was out of practice?

Just to make sure, Jungwoo downed the rest of the glass and tried to focus on the stage.

Taeil looked so beautiful. So smart. So perfect. So handsome. So lovely.

He loved him so fucking much, how he was calmly explaining dosages and diets to make the world better for Hybrids, who deserved it so much.

Fuck, Jungwoo was so drunk.

The realisation really hit when Taeil came from stage, to where he had been, and Jungwoo was supposed to leave with him.

Uh oh, the room was absolutely spinning.

This had not happened in way too long. How did this work? Jungwoo had used to be great at this.

“Okay, Jungwoo, how much champagne did you have?” Taeil sounded like he was Jungwoo dealing with Jaemin and his petty territorialism.

“I… I swear just a bit! I was so nervous for you, Hyung, but you were so amazing! So good! So smart!” Jungwoo realised he was kind of slurring a bit and Taeil was also very quickly manoeuvring him away from the room and the air outside was damp and hot and unpleasant during this summer night.

Why wasn’t it autumn yet? He wanted it to be autumn because in autumn, he’d have his final exams and hand in his thesis and finally go date Taeil and also the weather would be nicer.

“Okay, thank you.” Taeil smiled and patted his arm. Wow, his arm was around Taeil! And he felt so tiny and cute!

Being drunk was so fun! Jungwoo remembered to not feel like his misery was crushing him, back then.

But now, there was no misery.

He just felt great and Taeil was beautiful and he loved him and absolutely had to let him know just how much, right? That seemed like a necessity.

“You look so good, really, and you were so smart and perfect!”

“Thank you, Jungwoo. I really appreciate you came with me but I also think you’re kind of drunk. Come on, sit down.”

Where were they?

Ah, didn’t matter. Taeil was here.

Jungwoo flopped down but didn’t let go of Taeil.

“Yes? I’m sorry, Hyung, I didn’t mean to. But I wanted you to do well and there were so many questions. But you knew everything! Because you’re so smart and perfect! And you also looked really, really pretty!”

“O-okay, Jungwoo, thank you. Let’s wait here for a moment. Could you go to Joohyun’s, perhaps?”

“Yes, I’m sure. We got drunk together so much, you know, before. Haaa. I always felt okay when I drank a lot. But I didn’t even drink much today and now I feel super good. Did I tell you you were really smart and beautiful?”

“Uh, yes, you mentioned it. You don’t drink anymore, right?”

“No! Not even for New Year! Because Nana thinks I’ll die. Oh no! I can’t tell him. I didn’t even mean to get drunk but he can’t be worried! I must have such a terrible tolerance! That’s why I’m so drunk,” Jungwoo grabbed Taeil, panicked.

“Okay, we can keep it between us.”

“Thank you, Hyung! You’re the best! You’re so kind! I must really be such a lightweight. I used to be. But you can train that. Which you shouldn’t. Oh no, I’ll be so hungover. I always got so terribly hungover and I hated it but… I was super dumb. Hyung, you have the most beautiful nose, really!”

“Nose? Um, okay, thank you. I’m really glad you don’t do that anymore. I feel really sad when you say you used to be so sad.”

Jungwoo gasped.

“No! You can’t feel sad! It’s all over now! I swear! I’m not being super dumb anymore! Because I – oh, no, that’s a secret,” Jungwoo burst into giggling.

The reason was: Because he loved him.

Among others.

But loving Taeil was the most important right now and Taeil was right here and so, so, so pretty and smart and wonderful…

“Okay. Good. Because you’re really precious to me, you know that?”

Jungwoo held his breath and watched how Taeil stroked his hand over his arm.

Wow.

“Yeah? Because, Hyung, I just remembered I never told you that I used to be such a slut! You don’t care, right? I always lose never have I ever because it did it all, it was so bad. But I don’t any more! I swear I only want to sleep with you because it’s better than anything else.”

Taeil looked kind of red in the face and Jungwoo reached out to squeeze his cheeks. They were soft. Taeil didn’t have much hair anywhere. It was so cute. He was so cute. Jungwoo loved him so much.

“Okay, I really didn’t need to know that. I think.”

“Do you think it’s bad? Do you think I’m a bad person?” Jungwoo felt himself panic because this was super important!

“No! No, I didn’t mean that. I mean. It’s a bit surprising… but I don’t care. Skills had to come from somewhere.”

“Right?” Jungwoo sighed happily because he knew Taeil always felt really good when they had sex.

“You’re such a dorky drunk, Jungwoo, seriously, I hope you remember this and feel as embarrassed as I do right now.”

“Eh? Why are you embarrassed? It’s really important to talk about this, so no misunderstandings come up!” Jungwoo grabbed something of Taeil. Ah! Shoulders. Great!

“Yes. But not in some corner of a university you just went to a high-profile international summit to at.”

“Right.” Jungwoo whispered and looked around, “But we’re alone!”

“That doesn’t make anything better. At all.”

“Oh.” Why not? This was so sad! They should have a healthy sexual relationship. Soon. Ish. “Is it because I always topped? I know some guys have a bit of an ego-thing? That’s totally okay, we can talk about that so you can feel better about bottoming. Wait! Do you think I’m a Top?”

“What on earth, Jungwoo? Please… please at least remember this tomorrow and feel embarrassed, I need you to suffer in revenge.”

“But it’s really okay. And it’s really important because I’m not a Top! I’m Verse! But you have such a perfect ass and I just felt like it. But we can switch! Totally! I want to switch!”

“G-great. Glad we cleared that up, though no one asked.”

“Yes! I’m so glad, too! Did I tell you, that you had really beautiful eyes? And lashes? You’re so beautiful!”

“Thank you, Jungwoo, you can be really adorable.”

“But that’s for girls!”

“Why, though?”

“Right! Thank you! You’re so kind and perfect!”

Jungwoo just loved him so much.

Taeil let him rest his head on his shoulder while Jungwoo made sure to let him know all the ways he was beautiful and perfect and wonderful, possibly more than once?

It was unclear.

And, at some point, they were suddenly in a car and Jungwoo was just so tired.

And then, Jungwoo sat on the breakfast table with his head throbbing, staring at the plain toast in front of him and….

Remembering.

“I hate myself.”

“Aw, sweetie, it’s barely 9 am on a Sunday. A hangover can happen. Take these and have some tea,” Joohyun rubbed his back.

“Taeil-Hyung took me as emotional support and I was a nervous wreck and got drunk on champagne and then continued to tell him he was beautiful about three billion times and I also opened the entire Jungwoo-can’t-keep-it-in-his-pants situation. I asked him if he thought I was a Top because I’m Verse on the open street! Someone, just hand in my resignment.”

“Well. That’s surprising since I always took you for a Bottom. Anyway, you don’t have a contract and the entire situation is super shady, to begin with, so let’s not hand in any resignments, alright?” Jennie pushed his toast into his hand.

“I’ll just move to Argentina.”

“Now you’re being a little overdramatic, sweetie,” Joohyun forced him to bite his toast and then take ibuprofen.

“I’ll have custody for Jaemin revoked.”

“It’s actually funny how you make this into a huge situation and I bet when we drop you off in Cheongdam, Taeil-sshi will smile and rub your back professionally and ask if you have a headache.”

“I know, he’s so perfect, I love him so much.” Jungwoo’s toast tasted of nothing. It was sad. Like his life-choices.

“Aw, sweetie!” well, things could be worse, at least he had his two lesbian best friends ruffling his hair and cooing in unison and then making him drink tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. We’re getting to the end, so I’ll chime in here. Want more Sicheng and Yuwin? Check out [Shooting Star](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18855637/chapters/44752210). I won’t re-tell his story in detail here bc it’d take too long and it’s not relevant to this plot. ^^
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of r*pe

In August, Taeil got a call from the police, asking if they’d be willing to take in a Hybrid. Said Hybrid was currently in their care and they were asking because the head of the police station’s family’s Hybrid was treated at Dr Moon’s and they had records of Dr Moon having taken Hybrids in need of medical attention before.

It was a familiar scenario, including the officer and his family’s Hybrid.

Jungwoo still couldn’t call it routine because it really wasn’t. Going to the police station ever three years was anything but.

But it had happened before.

And they had figured it all out.

So, they would be able to again.

They hadn’t given up.

That had been the right thing to do – for themselves, but also for Sicheng and now possibly more kids.

Sicheng still never talked, but he slowly was wiggling his way into the family. He touched a few people. Johnny and Doyoung. He also tried to cross the bridge to trusting Taeil – even though it must be so incredibly scary for him. Sitting only 30 centimetres away instead of 50. Dropping something into his hand instead of having to put it somewhere he could pick it up from.

It was all new, it was all different, but they were going the right direction.

The fear that had weighed heavily on Jungwoo had been fully lifted by Sicheng and his many tries to get better and overcome his crippling fears.

Taeyong was still convinced he hated him, but Jungwoo didn’t think that was the case. Taeyong would see it, too, one day. He was sure of that. Yes, it was slow, baby steps, but Sicheng was doing well and he deserved all the time in the world to heal. Taeil and he both were very proud of him and tried to let him know even though Sicheng wasn’t one for heartfelt one-on-ones with humans.

That was okay.

Humans had caused him unbelievable pain. It was perfectly okay to struggle with trusting then.

They had been right to not give up and stop trying after it had gone wrong once. They had grown from it and now were even stronger than ever – together and individually.

The puppy at the police station had been found in the house of a dead woman, just outside of Suwon. There had been documents of more Hybrids, but they hadn't found them.

Jungwoo felt very sick imagining what might have happened to them and what they’d probably find if they’d dig through the yard.

He was called Jeno, he was skinnier than even Kun had been, but already showered and dressed when Jungwoo first met him.

“Do you pet ears? Because Taeil-Hyung pets ears and it’s so awesome! It feels really, really nice, like, so nice! I never knew! Yuta-Hyung and Jaehyun-Hyung also petted my ears. I can pet yours back!” was the second thing Jeno said after his name, brown eyes wide and his black tail wagging a bit, “Right, we can, right? Because you’re an official here, Taeil-Hyung said anyone in white could touch me. He’s also really nice, right?”

In one way, Jeno was like a polar opposite to Jaemin, but also not really because Jaemin would throw himself at anyone to ask for cuddles, now.

“Of course, I can pet your ears.”

“Awesome! Are you the Hyung who has someone my age?”

Jeno placed himself square over Jungwoo like he didn’t realise his own size.

It was cute.

Not as cute as Jaemin. No one would ever be.

“I do. His name is Jaemin.”

“I’m so excited! I never had friends! Would he like to become friends? I want to make a million of them!” Jeno looked up at him and Jungwoo pulled him a little closer.

Jeno said this with excitement for the future, in a way like it was normal to not have friends and a big privilege to now be allowed, one that he was grateful to have and that wasn’t a basic need whoever took care of him should have to meet so he could develop healthily.

Different people dealt differently with the fate they were faced with.

Jeno had never known anything else, surely, but to still come out this excitable and optimistic was a skill in itself.

It didn’t excuse anything. He should never have been mistreated how he had. His former owner should have been held accountable if she had still been alive.

But there was no law protecting Jeno, or anyone else with fluffy ears and extra appendage, from their owners. As long as they were treated as property, justice would fail them.

“I’m sure Jaemin would like to become friends as long as you never take any of his stuff.”

“Of course not!” Jeno snorted loudly, “We should only do ear pets. And tummy pets. And cuddling. That’s all really great, I want to do only that. And study. I’m sure it’ll be so much fun together!”

“Well, hopefully, you could do all that.”

“That’d be awesome!”

So cute.

“I feel re-vitalised.” Taeil laughed. His ‘private’ binder showed a lot of use. The organisation was still somewhat in place, but not really. Taeil was such a messy person. Jungwoo had started to order office stuff in his stead, but this one was off-limits. Taeil had never said it was, but it felt wrong to Jungwoo.

“Do you?” Jungwoo didn’t have much time, these days. That was why he had only now met Jeno.

His thesis was in the final phases.

He missed being here more, being here all the time.

Only a few more weeks. His oral exams were on the 3rd, the 7th, and the 10th of September. The earliest dates.

He didn’t need to be here all the time to be part of the family. It was okay to focus on himself, for this final effort. He could figure out how to adapt to Jeno once Jeno had settled with the family.

He didn’t feel anxious or scared. He knew it would work out and turn out fine.

Because they had done it so many times already.

Heaven had grown just how they had.

“Yeah, of course. Look how old my kids are, I don’t have to remind people of bed-times anymore or kiss scratches better. Jeno’s 16, but he’s immature. I’ll get to play dad, it’ll be great, he’s adorable.”

“He really is. I hope he and Nana can get along well. He said he wouldn’t take his stuff.”

“Even then, Donghyuck and he are friends, too, despite Donghyuck trampling all over his boundaries.”

Jungwoo hummed and felt himself smile. It was cute, how excited Taeil was. That was a first. As always. It was never the same.

“He’s good for Nana, so he doesn’t get too spoilt,” he muttered. Having Donghyuck as his friend was also good for Jungwoo, so he could let go and trust his kid to become independent.

“Not like you’re not doing your best to cancel Donghyuck’s efforts out,” Taeil teased and Jungwoo knew he was kind of right.

“Yeah, but he’s so cute. You’ll see when Jeno pulls out the puppy eyes and asks for ice cream.”

“I don’t think I will because Jeno’s not a single child, there are six others to put him in his lane.”

Jungwoo laughed.

“What a twist of fate, seeing how you grew up alone and I had two sisters.”

“Well, we can now live through our kids, isn’t that what parents do?” Taeil’s mood seemed so bright, nothing could ever ruin it. It was wonderful. So, so different from when Jungwoo had picked up Kun from the police stations all these years ago.

So much had changed.

“Yeah, I really don’t think we’re doing this right,” Jungwoo couldn’t stop chuckling from Taeil’s good mood rubbing off.

“Speaking of doing this right. I… remember telling you that Doyoung used to have a puppy crush on Taeyong, right? And I asked you if you were a homophobe, which is very iconic, looking back.”

“I was shocked. You were the first person to ever ask me that,” Jungwoo faintly recalled how it had felt to even be scared to call himself gay in his head. It wasn’t a good memory. But the boat-race on Han and their Saturday adventure were. Back then, when Taeil hadn’t yet worked the entire Saturday because he had been a very young doctor with a smaller number of patients.

“Well, you were incredibly hard to read so I really didn’t know. I had thought they had both out-grown it, but, these days, I’m not that sure anymore. I mean, they’re closer than the others, they always have been and I think it’s because they were the first two and spent time together without anyone else there. But it’s been two weeks since they called each other the most annoying person in the world.”

Jungwoo tried to think back.

“Honestly, I’ve not kept track. I’ve been here too little.”

“That’s okay. It’s not your home. Yet. It’s my job to be there for my kids, how you reminded me. But I truly wonder. I’d like to ask them but I don’t want Doyoung to hate me forever. Should I tell them to remember lube and condoms? I want them to have a natural relationship and things, but it’s hard because they’re my kids and it’s, uh, private and I don’t want them to realise I’m a prude.”

“Since you can’t even talk to me about this.”

Jennie and Joohyun had been right, back then. And Jungwoo had overcome his dramatic moment and instead gained hope and strength from knowing Taeil didn’t judge him based on his sexual history. The alcohol had made him cross a few boundaries he shouldn’t yet have, had made him a little more talkative, but, even sober, a prude wasn’t what he was.

“Jungwoo,” Taeil closed his eyes and his face flushed deeper.

“Actually, does that qualify as incest?” Jungwoo tapped his chin.

Taeil’s head snapped up.

“WHAT?”

So, no.

They had agreed that it would not count as incest because there was no sibling-like socialisation that had taken place early enough to make it relevant.

Nevermind the puppy-crush, if it had ever been there, would have meant this had been kind of set up to happen.

Or something.

It wasn’t even like Jungwoo had really been concerned, rather, it had just crossed his mind at that moment.

Taeil had repeatedly slapped him with the flyers from Pfizer, but he guessed that was only fair.

“But you don’t like him more than me, right?”

Jaemin’s bi-coloured eyes were wide. Jungwoo felt like he should have realised this was going to come when telling him about Jeno and how they might become friends, soon.

He hadn’t, but it was okay, he could explain and it’d be okay because Jaemin now listened to understand him. Next time, he could avoid it would even become a question.

“Of course not. He’s absolutely different from you and incomparable. Nevermind you’re my favourite Nana and there’s only one, so, how could I even rank if I can’t compare?”

“Right. Just making sure. I might like him, then. Maybe.”

“Okay. Just give him a chance. He’s the same age as you and Donghyuck, you could become a trio?”

“Yeah. Well. It’d be better to have another dog because then Donghyuck could realise it’s reasonable to lick his face and not gross. And that he can’t keep eating my stuff because it’s mine. That’d be good.”

Jungwoo smiled. Hadn’t there been worries about spit and kissing? Or maybe licking people was different? Understanding Hybrids’ instincts was oftentimes difficult for humans, especially when they mixed with Jaemin-world thinking. He just accepted that was how it worked and that was it.

He wasn’t worried about Donghyuck either. He’d raise two dog Hybrids into realising it couldn’t always go their way.

He just felt happy.

However, he’d have to wait a bit longer to find out how Jaemin would actually react to Jeno, either licking and immediately building a friendship, or rolling over the floor with him and growling.

The peaceful process of raising a malnourished and neglected puppy back to health was interrupted because, apparently, Jungwoo not being there meant Taeil wilding in his office since no one stopped him.

“You’re doing what now?”

_“Looking for a stray, as in, a Hybrid without a collar on the street.”_

Jungwoo stared at the posters of TVXQ that Yuta had given Jaemin for his birthday and that were now decorating the back of his closet ‘because they’re handsome men so you’d appreciate looking at them, too, right?’.

Jungwoo did appreciate looking at them.

“Um. Did you consider just searching for a pin in a haystack instead?”

_“I got a hint from a patient owner. She said she had seen him several times while shopping in Dongdaemun, so I’ll only look there. You know the channel runs there and attracts homeless people where the public doesn’t go much._”

“I didn’t know that. How did she even see him, are you sure he’ll still be there? You know there are people cleaning the streets?”

_“Awful people. I’ve done this plenty when I was younger, so if I go looking now, I might be faster than them. She said he was wearing a beanie but his eyes were strikingly blue with slit pupils, so it’s really not that hard to put two and two together. I’ll just give it a try. Especially with Sicheng… I can’t not. You know who’ll take in a cat Hybrid and what they make them do.”_

“Forced prostitution.”

_“Yes, rape. I’ll look for him for two nights and if I don’t find him, okay, but if I do, I’ll try and take him_ _ home. I just wanted to let you know in advance.”_

Jungwoo smiled to himself and nuzzled into the pillow.

Taeil let him know because it was a big decision and Jungwoo was kind of his partner in these things and also part of the family.

Not to the point where he, as the co-parent, would get a voting-right, but almost.

Nevermind Jungwoo would have said yes. Obviously.

“Thank you. Could I help you somehow?”

_“Surely. I’ll know once I found him.”_

“Okay. Good luck. Let me know the result.”

The result was a bitten hand. Among others.

“Hyung, I’m really sorry but he got you good. You need to be quicker,” Jungwoo stared at the deep bloody craters. He had only come to pick Jaemin up but this had gotten between him and the final words of his thesis.

Almost done. Almost there.

Well, a few minutes of patching Taeil up could be spared.

“He needs to stop hurting Taeil-Hyung! He’s helping and feeding him!” Jaehyuns eyes were narrowed in protectiveness. He was on the patient bed next to Taeil and holding his undamaged hand. Taeil was a bit pale. It looked like it really hurt.

“He must be scared for his life, the poor boy. Don’t condemn him for acting out of fear, Jaehyunnie.” Taeil had healing scratches on his cheeks, on the hand Jaehyun was currently holding, and on his arm.

“No. This is just mean.”

Jungwoo eyed Taeil. He looked very pale. He was rapidly losing colour.

“Hyung, lay down on the bed. Hold his legs up, Jaehyun.”

“I’m fi…” Taeil passed out before he could finish the sentence and Jaehyun screeched, catching him before he could slide down and hurt himself.

Kun’s green eyes were wide and he clung to the bottle of Hydroperoxide, that Jungwoo had had him bring, like it was his lifeline.

Poor him. He was only just beginning to help with practical work, to become the fourth nurse in the office. What a way to get started, his Hyung passing out. If he’d get through this, nothing else would be too worrying anymore, probably. Fainting occasionally happened in a medical office.

Even, or especially, with more nursing staff, the room issue would remain, but real estate was expensive in Seoul. They might re-purpose the quarantine hallway to make it work. It was all still in the air since Jungwoo wasn’t yet officially working here. Yet. He would. Once they had figured it all out and he was, officially, out of uni.

Just a few months left.

“Well, that happens, Kun. Most important is that you don’t let the patients knock their heads,” Jungwoo explained.

“I’m fine,” Taeil croaked, apparently back to consciousness.

Jungwoo shook his head.

“You’ll stay right there, doctor’s orders.”

“What a fraud, I heard the opening chapter for your thesis wasn’t even done yet.”

“Try it and I’ll use ethanol and not peroxide.”

Taeil blinked up at him, eyes wide and still very pale.

Jungwoo quickly turned away and took his tools from Kun’s hands.

A few more weeks.

He was not going to wait until his official graduation.

He was going to ace his oral exams and then he was going to get his man.

“Ethanol typically burns more, right?” Kun softly asked.

“That’s right. Peroxide will not at all but it disinfects just as well,” Jungwoo smiled and scooted up to Taeil, taking his hand. The bite had already been washed out and started to clot up.

“It looks really bad,” Kun muttered.

Jungwoo frowned. It did. But sewing on the hand was difficult because there was so much strain on the skin and the stitches would usually not hold well.

“See? He’s mean. I even ate half that tu-tuna for him.” Jaehyun poked his tongue out in disgust.

“But remember why you did that,” Taeil gently reminded.

“Still, it’s just blood you have to take.”

“With a needle. The same you use to inject narcotics or sedatives. We’ll still have to get it, but it’s understandable he’d be scared.”

“I guess. But still. You’re my Hyung and he’s mean.” Jaehyun muttered and Jungwoo couldn’t hold the small chuckle.

“Other than mean, is there new information?” Jungwoo asked. He hadn’t met the new Hybrid yet. Jungwoo just didn’t have time and the Hybrid didn’t seem to take well to people, so the fewer there were to upset him, the better.

They’d figure it all out, Jungwoo was only the faintest bit worried.

He would get to know him and help however he could – once his thesis was handed in, his exams taken, and the man he loved by his side.

So close. He was so close. Every night, he went to sleep counting the days down.

“Well. Jeno is very excited about him and he also knows his name but won’t tell us. I think he’s smart, not only street-smart. I hope he’ll be able to get out of his shell. I wonder if he’s from Thailand since he has an accent.”

Jungwoo had put surgical tape across the deeper wounds to hold them shut. It’d heal like this, usually. He topped it off with a gauze bandage.

“If he’s a Siamese, he has to be. The Union is exclusive to Thailand,” Kun supplied. He knew about breeds. He had learnt about it to deal with his trauma, with the upset that was connected to knowing how high someone would value him only based on the stripes and dots on his tail.

“Well. I’ll ask him if I have the chance to. Not sure if he’ll answer yet, but eventually, he will. I’m sure he can realise we mean no harm.”

Taeil tried to get up, but Jungwoo pushed him right back down.

“You’ll stay there for another five minutes, you look like Caspar the family ghost.”

Jaehyun still looked like he’d personally tell the Hybrid that he was dumb, in true Jaemin fashion.

Jungwoo smiled and ruffled his hair before he packed up his tools.

He thought back to when Taeil had been in this very room, digging through his binder, scared, anxious, insecure, when Kun had come.

Not only Jungwoo had grown. Jungwoo had grown more, sure, but Taeil hadn't been some god-like figure, who had been perfect.

Well, no one was.

Like Jungwoo, Taeil would set a goal, would challenge himself, and then, once he had become a better version of himself, find more ways in which he could improve.

Was that the sexiest trait a man could have?

A few more weeks. A few more weeks of staying up all night to cram, so he could excel one last time.

A few more weeks and Taeil would be all out of excuses and Jungwoo wasn’t going to let him come up with new ones.

Not anymore.

_Anamnesis, examination, _

“Well, Jaehyun got scratched, but I also got blood from him and his name! He’s called Ten, isn’t that a fun name? It’s so short and preppy, it kind of fits him, I think. With his face…”

“I’d say yes or no, but I’ve not yet met him.”

“Soon.”

Yes, soon.

_diagnosis, laboratory results, _

“So. Hyung. I think I’m sick. I had a really bad heart-race when I met Jeno earlier. And also my stomach felt bad. I might be dying. I can’t die yet!” Jaemin’s eyes were wide and Jungwoo nearly dropped on the spot.

He wasn’t ready for this.

His baby!

“Was it directly correlated to seeing Jeno?”

“Yes, like, being close, too. Am I allergic to Labour-door Hybrids, maybe? Because he said that was what he was.”

“Hm. Maybe.”

Jungwoo wasn’t ready for any of this.

“Oh. So. Can I take something against that, then?”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

He’d find a placebo, for sure.

_interpretation, pathology,_

“What if Ten also hates me?”

“Taeyong, I don’t think Sicheng hates you.”

“But… but he touches Doyoung but not me even though Doyoung’s so annoying? I’m sure he hates me.”

“But Doyoung’s also a bunny.”

“Right…”

“Maybe you could ask Doyoung on some recommendations?”

“I already did. He said to be less obnoxious. He so annoying, really.”

But the way Taeyong blushed deep red and his eyes flitted around, accentuated by the brightness of his pupils… Jungwoo thought that he really didn’t think that.

_prevention, therapy, _

“Taeil-Hyung told me you’d like to have your hair cut a little?” Jungwoo tried to smile and be non-threatening while Ten looked read to bold any second – or scratch Jungwoo.

Taeil had been right, he had an elegant face, very feline. And very scared.

“Yeah.” His voice was probably higher than Jungwoo’s own. That was a first. It was cute. Jungwoo liked it. He couldn’t help smiling wider.

“I’m no professional, but I do everyone’s hair around here, so I do have experience. Do you have a style you like?” Because what had started off as a way to get Jaemin to cooperate had turned into something Jungwoo might be able to make serious money off.

But it didn’t bring him even nearly as much joy as his actual job did.

Almost-job.

Not quite yet.

But almost.

He was so close. So, so close.

_pharmacology, Jungwoo wasn’t going to be short in anything._

“So. Are you free on Saturday evening?” Doyoung thought he was being sneaky but that was Taeil’s beaten up planner he was holding.

“I’m not, I have to finish my thesis and prepare for my oral exams.”

“Aha. I see. How about Saturday in a week?”

Jungwoo couldn’t hold the small smile.

“I’d be printing my thesis on that day, to hand it in. Also, oral exams.”

“Aha. I see. I think I’ll get back to you then, after oral exams.”

“Yes. It’d be very important to find a date when we could meet up to discuss nuclear energy. I think after my exams would be excellent timing.”

“Yes. It’d be,” Doyoung’s cheeks were pink and Jungwoo had to suppress his laughter.

_Introduction, definitions, _

“So, Sicheng will touch Ten. And spend all the time with him. Why not me? What am I doing wrong?” Yuta’s ears were tugged back and his eyes wide and shiny.

“Yuta, I really don’t know. Maybe you should ask Ten? He seems to understand Sicheng better, maybe they were through similar things?”

“Yeah but… what if he tells me something wrong, to get rid of competition? I don’t want to do anything wrong. Well. I think I already am. But I can’t give up! He’s the most wonderful person I know!”

Jungwoo cooed and squeezed Yuta’s cheeks.

“That’s the spirit. Fight for your love!”

“Hearing that from you is discouraging.”

“Hey!”

Yuta smirked.

“Four years of cow-eyes are impressive, though, I have to give it to you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure.”

_analysis, empirical data, _

“Hyung, I feel like I know nothing,” Kun was a tiny pile on the patient bed, tail wrapped around his leg protectively.

“That’s not the case at all, Kun. Look how many of these you did know. You don’t have to go into this excelling in everything. There was no school for you to go to, you can cut yourself some slack.”

Kun sniffled.

“Still. I feel like my Korean is lacking and I’m too slow to catch up.”

“Not at all. You’re doing just as well as Jaehyun did, from what I can tell. Nevermind your Korean is almost better than Yuta’s, by now.”

Jungwoo had so few shifts, he had actually not found his white trousers today, in the morning. It sucked but it would be over in a few weeks and he could work to his heart’s content from then on.

A few more weeks and he’d be done with his thesis and his cramming.

And with uni.

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Come on, have some eat pets.”

Kun hummed and slumped against him.

“You can do it! Believe in yourself!”

“Okay. Yes! I can do it!” Kun repeated softly. He didn’t sound full of doubt, no longer shaky and fearful. He was soft but confident.

“Good. I’m super proud of you!”

“Thank you.”

_interpretation, and final conclusion, _

“So, once you handed in your thesis, you’ll be a doctor?” Jaehyun’s eyes were attentive. There was a patch scratched open right under his left brow. Jungwoo picked up some salve and sat down next to him, applying it where Jaehyun was still slacking with his self-care.

“Not exactly. I still have three exams. The first two are going to test me on the knowledge needed in practice because I already did all theoretical written exams last year. Now, they’ll see what I learnt here and how I can make the transfer from theory to practice. The last one will be on my thesis. I’ll have to present my results and then answer questions on it, so they can see I actually know what I’m talking about, pretty much.”

Jaehyun nodded.

“So, you basically have it in your pocket already?”

Jungwoo laughed.

“I hope? Well, I don’t just want to pass, I want to do it well.”

“Okay. I think I understand that now. Thank you. I’ll keep all my fingers crossed super-tightly. And once you’re done, will you be a doctor?”

“Pretty much. The rest is just a formality, getting a slip of paper that states it.”

“Well, who cares about that?”

Exactly.

“No one.”

_Kim Jungwoo, doctoral thesis on the difference of the immune systems in Hybrids, comparing mixed and purebred individuals in cooperation with Doctor Kwon Yuri and Doctor Moon Taeil._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, me again, we’re almost done. If you want more of Ten (and Johnny), I’d recommend [Moon Diamond](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17644265/chapters/41606183) because I also won’t be retelling what I already wrote from his POV. ^^
> 
> [Jeno, Labrador Retriever](https://bilder.markt.de/images/cms/hunde/labradorwelpe.jpg)   
[Ten, Thai Cat](https://bowwowinsurance.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/siamese-cat-700x700.jpg)   
[CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the last chapter TT TT

“I can’t believe I’m back here, after so many years. Doesn’t the main building look magnificent? Yonsei can’t hold a candle to this elegance and class.”

“Very true.” Jungwoo’s hands were cramping around the thick envelope in his hands. It wasn’t even that cold, but he wished he had more clothing on because he was shaking.

Mrs Moon was in a chic cardigan, topped off with a silk scarf and matching handbag.

“Let’s look at everything one last time, just in case, to make extra sure it’s all complete.”

Jungwoo nodded robotically. He had already checked 20 times, but she was right. Better check again.

His fingers were shaking so badly, she had to take the package from him and open it carefully, pulling the three copies out, that he had to hand in, quickly scanning the cover pages.

“Well. It looks very impressive, I must say. And seeing Taeillie’s name there, ah, I’m such a proud mother. I’m sure you’ll have your title in no time, too.” She stroked her hand over the golden letters before carefully pushing them back into the envelope.

“Thank you,” Jungwoo hugged it to his chest, the second she let go. Just in case. Someone might want to steal it.

“I know you’re such a hardworking young man, just like my Taeillie. Such a good match, truly. How’s your Jaemin doing?”

Jungwoo squeezed her arm when she pushed it through his, dragging him up the stairs to the department building.

“G-good. Yeah. He made friends with Jeno,” His voice was thin, but he was glad to talk about Jaemin, take his mind off things just a bit.

“Ah, yes, yes, Jeno. I told Taeillie that he has to remember that he’s not even 30 yet, that he can’t keep adopting so many Hybrid kids or his flat will burst. He’s so stubborn! Well, you know he is.”

A smile tugged on Jungwoo’s lips. Mrs Moon opened the door and the warm air inside streamed outside for a second before they entered. It was a cold autumn, this year.

“A bit. But I understand. I’d do that same.”

“Well, in that case, it’s good. Understanding and respect are so important, the foundation of a long-lasting and happy relationship. They were why I loved my husband so much, may he rest in peace. Now, straighten up, you’re nice and tall, be proud, you’ve completed something many will never even attempt.,” Mrs Moon pushed a hand into his back and Jungwoo nearly yelped when she forced him upright because he was so surprised.

But he let her. Because he wanted to be proud.

And she was here to remind him.

Like a mother should.

When he knocked on the examination office’s door, his hand was no longer trembling and when he signed the slip to confirm his submission, his signature was steady and mature.

_Step one of four._

“Now, you have an important exam tomorrow. You should get plenty of sleep the night before and not cram last minute anymore. Trust in yourself and your efforts!” Mrs Moon didn’t have to drag him back outside. Jungwoo would have probably run if he had come alone. Just to make sure no one would come after him to tell him something was wrong with his submitted thesis.

He couldn’t drag Mrs Moon, though.

“Okay. I will.” Jungwoo nodded, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to sleep for a single second.

“Good. I’m looking forward to hearing about your results. Ah! I had this for Taeillie, will you give it to him the next chance you get? That’d be amazing!”

Jungwoo opened his hands and Mrs Moon dropped a small key-charm into them.

A brown bear.

“Oh?”

It was showing a lot of use, but aged better than the white bunny.

“Yes, I had to fix it for him because he’s so clumsy when it comes to art. He’s a good sewer but not when it’s done to decorate and the poor thing lost its eye. It must be special to him but he wouldn’t tell me why. You look like you know, though?” her smile was a little sad and Jungwoo felt tears in his eyes as he closed his fingers around the tiny plushy key-charm. It felt almost like the one he had squeezed so many times when he had still needed many reminders to stay strong, to not give up, to believe in himself and trust others. The ears were smaller. It wasn’t identical, just how Taeil was a different person from himself.

“Yeah. I do.”

“Good. Good. Like I told you, I think it’d have a good outcome if you told him.” Mrs Moon softly reminded, stroking his arm.

“I know. I will.”

“Let me know how it goes, okay? I want to support you. I haven’t don’t enough of that in the past and I want to make it right, now, that I realised my own wrongdoings.”

Jungwoo sniffled, but he couldn’t hold the tears. Immediately, a silky tissue was in his face, soaking them up.

“Thank you,” it was weird to lean down to have someone else dry his tears for him.

Mrs Moon was small despite her heels but she gently patted his face off how he’d do for Jaemin.

And it suddenly felt like he had discovered a new layer to Heaven, to family, that he hadn’t expected to find.

Now, that he had it, he wanted to keep it forever.

“There you go. A few tears have never hurt anyone but a mother always has to make sure they quickly dry or her heart cries, too.”

Jungwoo nodded.

He knew.

And then it was here.

The first oral exam.

Jungwoo was so nervous, he hadn’t been able to have breakfast despite Jaemin’s worries.

He felt sick.

His fingers were shaking as badly as yesterday but today, he was alone.

In the long hallway of the medical department.

The semester was in full swing, so the campus was busy.

Jungwoo felt like he was an alien that had landed on earth.

But, mainly, he felt sick.

So sick.

He reminded himself to breathe, in and out, counting one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and repeat.

There were texts on his phone wishing him good luck.

From Jaemin, of course.

Taeil.

Taeyong, Doyoung, Yuta, Jaehyun, Kun, even Jeno and Ten. Sicheng never texted. That was fine.

Joohyun.

Jennie.

Donghyuck, Johnny, and Mark.

Sooyoung and Seulgi.

Doctor Kwon.

Lisa, Rosé, and Jisoo.

Mrs Moon.

And from Jina. Extending the wishes from Yoona as well.

Breathe!

He could do this.

He was good at this!

“Examinee number 1, Kim Jungwoo?”

He jerked up in his seat.

“Welcome. In here. Please leave all your personal belonging and unnecessary pieces of clothing with me, including electronic devices. This is your last opportunity to surrender anything not allowed by the examination rulebook, after passing through here, it’ll be counted as an attempt at cheating and your final score 0%.”

The exam took three hours.

Three hours of sitting in front of a committee of ten professors, some of which had very distinct opinions about Jungwoo.

All of which asked nasty questions and made requests until he doubted every single word he had said and was so terrified he could hardly even think anymore, let alone speak.

But he managed.

Barely, but he managed.

When he had his phone back, he dialled Joohyun’s number and hid away in the closest restroom to cry.

_Step two of four._

The second oral exam was four days later.

At least, there had been a weekend.

Not like Jungwoo had relaxed for a single second. But hey.

He threw up before, this time, which kind of made it only worse.

He wasn’t sure if it was the norm for them to play mental games with the students or if he had himself to blame for this, for sticking up for Hybrids.

He couldn’t and wouldn’t go back to change anything.

If that meant three more hours of being driven into insanity and self-doubts, so be it. It was only three hours.

Looking back with a bit less panic, he didn’t think his answers had been all that bad in the first exam.

He had just been led to believe they had been.

He was fully prepared to experience the very same thing today, again.

So, when it happened and his chest became tight, he breathed despite it. When he was thrown off track and interrupted so his thoughts got jumbled up between his explanations and his head started swimming even when he only had to explain differences between ibuprofen lysine, naproxen, and diclofenac, he still somehow managed to speak in a confident voice.

Still, Jungwoo was trembling and unable to stop when he shook the professors’ hands.

“Don’t stress yourself out too much, Kim,” his anatomy professor smiled as he held the door open, voice soft, “Not all of us feel personally offended by a student brave enough to develop his own ideas. Clearly, you know your way in and out, even in tough situations. Unless a miracle happened, I don’t think there’ll be many people doing a better job than you have.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Would I say it if it wasn’t the truth? A student like you is rare to encounter, I wish you all the best for the future. Maybe I’ll hear from you. Your mentor’s been making headlines, hasn’t he? I know you have what it takes to follow him if that’s what you want.”

“Thank you.”

The man smiled and nodded.

_Three of four._

Passing his oral exams was mandatory to be admitted to the last and final test.

If he didn’t, they’d re-schedule the defence of his thesis as the very last thing.

Jungwoo had been relatively sure passing shouldn’t have been the issue, trusting his anatomy professor’s words.

Still. Doubts had lingered.

For no reason.

99.56%

That what it read in his online file two days later.

“So, 100% almost.” Jaemin’s eyes were wide.

“Almost,” Jungwoo whispered, “but the difference is important.”

“Yeah, but Taeil-Hyung only had 99.43% on his final oral exams. That’s what it reads on his certificate. That’s less almost 100%.”

Jungwoo didn’t remember what grades were on the piece of paper.

“He has more experience than me, anyway. That grade won’t be important anymore in just a few weeks.”

“But it’s important now. So you can compare yourself. You wouldn’t have gotten it, to begin with, if it was never important.”

“Maybe. Or, maybe it’s just there because academia has to level people somehow. I don’t want to compare myself.”

“Okay. Well. But I want to. I’ll tell the others you’re the better Hyung now.”

Jungwoo rubbed his temples, but he still smiled.

“Don’t be mean about it, the difference is marginal.”

“Hm, yeah, still. You’re the best.”

Jungwoo stared a the screen and scrolled down, seeing all the different grades he had collected over the years.

There were a few dips. Only one 100%. Maybe Doctor Kwon had been too generous, who knew.

It wouldn’t really matter anymore, soon. If he had applied at some big clinic, it might have been more important but like this?

It was only for himself. To prove himself that he wasn’t just okay, he wasn’t just good.

He was one of the best.

No one could discredit him because he had it black on white.

Years of hard work.

That wouldn’t stop now. There was still a lot to learn, so many things in the field under-researched, so many illnesses that even were challenging to treat in humans.

_[from: Taeil] [sent: 10:02 pm]_

_Good luck tomorrow!_

_I have my fingers crossed!_

_You can do it!_

One final effort.

“Sweetie, I do still need my hand even if it’s my left,” Jungwoo nodded and tried to relax the death grip he had on Joohyun.

He hadn’t thrown up today.

He had his presentation on his USB stick, a lengthy thing with pictures – some of which included Jaemin.

Jaemin wasn’t physically here, but just seeing him would give Jungwoo confidence, he knew it would.

“I never want to talk at any summit, how Hyung did. I never want to publicly speak anywhere, ever,” Jungwoo whispered.

“Oh, no, we wouldn’t want you to get drunk on champagne again, would we?” Joohyun patted his hand soothingly and Jungwoo felt his face heat up.

“I’m not doing that anymore.”

“Good. It’s a bit of an unprofessional look for a doctor, to be drunk at 9 pm, on champagne.”

“I’m not yet. I still could.”

“You have… two minutes to make your last bad life choices without being one.”

“Unless they failed me.”

“I’ll watch one hour of male gay porn if they do.”

Jungwoo wheezed out a sad little laugh at that.

“I’ll choose the videos for you, then.”

Joohyun wouldn’t have to do that to herself.

“Well, Mr Kim, you’ll have to be patient for another two months to take up that doctor title, but I’d say you can already get to printing those business cards.”

His grade wasn’t going to be posted until all the empirical testing had been validated, all plagiarism checks run, and his professors read through it a few more times, just to be extra sure.

He knew it wasn’t going to fail any of these. It was all a matter of what percentage would be assigned to him.

He was a doctor.

Jungwoo felt so faint, Joohyun had to physically drag him from the room.

He had done it.

“I’ve done it.” It sounded wrong even saying it. Could that be the truth?

“Yes, you have.”

“I’m finished.” Was he really? Was it over?

“Yes, you are.”

“I’m… no longer a student.”

“Not really, nope. Aw, sweetie, I’ll cry if you do, I’ve done more of that over the last week than all years before.”

“S-sorry.” He couldn’t not. All these years of hard work had paid off.

He had become what he had wanted to – after having been thrown onto this path in surprising and unexpected ways.

Once more, he knew that getting into Hybrid medicine had been the luckiest twist of fate in his life.

He squeezed Joohyun tighter because… because. There were too many reasons, years worth of things to be grateful for piling up.

“No, don’t be. I’m not really mad, I just hate crying.”

“It’s r-really cleansing, though.” Happy tears, sad tears, they were all okay to cry.

“Okay, sweetie. I know it can be and I’m glad it is for you.” Joohyun patted his cheek and Jungwoo used his sleeve to dry his face.

“Thank you for being here. For m-me.”

“Of course. You’ll have to sit through my defence, too. It’s still a few years off but… you better prepare mentally.”

“I will. Always. I love you, strictly platonically.”

“I love you, too, strictly platonically. Yes-homo, bro.”

“Yes-homo, sis,” Jungwoo giggled and finally let go of her, so they could walk down the hall, to the stairs, down to the entrance.

“I nearly fail to open these for even the one last time I have to,” Jungwoo sighed when he stumbled from underestimating how heavy the doors were.

“Going with grace and elegance,” Jooyhun hopped onto the handrail and let herself slide down the cold metal. Jungwoo laughed and jumped down the stairs after her, not caring how it’d look to any outsider to see a young woman ride the handrail and a young man bounce after her.

He had nothing to fear anymore.

Nothing was holding him back anymore and Joohyun laughed and held his hand as he squeaked and bounced over the campus, one last time.

Anam had been his home, a long time ago.

Now, it was Wangshimni.

One day, it might be Cheongdam.

Where he was headed now. To do what he had wanted to for years.

He knew Jaemin was upstairs. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to leave if he went there first because everyone would be celebrating with him.

So, he didn’t go to the fourth floor yet but stopped on the third, where he pushed the door with the sign that read “Heaven, Hybrid Hospital, Doctor Moon Taeil, visiting hours Monday to Saturday” open.

“Jungwoo!” Sooyoung jumped from her chair, beaming brightly, “Congratulations!”

“Thank you!”

Her hug was warm and tight.

“I knew you’d do it. But I was still relieved, not gonna lie,” she squeezed his cheek, “Aw, what will we do now, our little handsome intern is all grown up, ready to change the world!”

“Very ready. The world better strap in,” Jungwoo laughed. It felt like it. It felt like no challenge would ever be too demanding. Nothing would ever stop him.

There was just one thing that made him feel nervous, right now. One man.

“That’s the spirit,” Sooyoung nodded, pleased, and let go of him, stepping away, “I think there might be a minor over-hours situation, but I’m sure no one will really care if you’re already in starting position to get congratulated some more.”

“Alright,” Jungwoo slowly turned to the door to the back.

His fingers tingled, his heart raced and felt like it was in his throat.

This was it.

This was the moment he had been waiting for, for years.

He knew it had been worth it.

He always had. But now, that he was here, feeling nervousness despite it all, he knew just how much.

He loved Taeil. So, so much.

And now, he was no longer his official mentor and Jungwoo was barely even a student anymore.

What was left, were just formalities.

Formalities could go and sit on a tack for all Jungwoo cared.

So much pain, so much struggling, so much growth had shaped him over the last four years. It had brought them closer than he had ever dreamt to be, four years ago.

The hallway was quiet and vacant, his shoes silent on the linoleum.

Four years were now down to a few more minutes.

Jungwoo leaned against the wall between treatment room 1 and 2 to wait.

Seulgi came by, carrying a stack of tubes to send off for testing and greeted him. Her question of how it had gone was careful, just to lessen the blow in case it had been bad.

But it hadn’t been.

It had been good.

Very good.

And her smile was proud and warm and so was her hug, coming from a place of genuine support and care.

Taeil came by, patients came by, Jaehyun and Yuta came by, all just giving him small waves because there was still too much to do. They hadn’t read his messages yet, for sure. He wasn’t really hung up about this.

There was only one thing he was here for.

He could wait a few more minutes or even hours.

But not a single day more.

Jungwoo just stood and waited, knowing Taeil would be alone soon.

First, the last patients left.

Jungwoo felt his fingers cramp into fists where he had them in his pockets.

Then, Jaehyun left, letting Jungwoo ruffle his hair and asking if his exam had gone well.

His last exam.

It had.

“Congrats, Hyung! I’m so excited you’ll be a doctor now, like, exactly like Taeil-Hyung! It’s so great!”

And this was why Taeil had been right to wait.

Seulgi followed soon after, as did Sooyoung, bidding Taeil a quick goodbye.

Finally, it was Yuta, who had had to finish protocols and updating files.

“Hyung, are you waiting for something?” he asked, looking confused. Jungwoo pushed off the wall and realised his left leg smarted from not having moved for so long.

“I was.” He smiled, warmth spreading in his chest. His fingers were shaking where they were hidden and Yuta cocked his head, probably picking his nerves up.

“How was your exam?”

“Good. Really good, I think. The official result will need a bit longer but it’s basically just a formality.”

“Congratulations!” Yuta squeaked and jumped into his arms, squeezing him tightly, “Oh, you were waiting for Taeil-Hyung?”

Yes, he had been.

“He said he still had to check his new journals,” Yuta explained, “Not like those can’t wait,” he smirked and Jungwoo, not for the first time, thought Taeil was really dumb for thinking he could keep secrets from his kids.

“Well, I’ll see if he can be swayed into postponing his literature review because I have a pressing matter.”

“Good luck,” Yuta giggled before hopping down the hallway.

Jungwoo waited another second before he turned to the door.

He was so nervous.

Of course, he was. He always was nervous, wasn’t he? But he knew how to handle it.

Jungwoo knew what he’d get himself into. He knew Taeil’s strengths and weaknesses, he knew his worries, hopes, dreams, he knew his kids, he knew his family. He was his family.

And now, the final barrier had been broken.

Jungwoo was no longer a student. He was about to be a doctor himself, someone equal to Taeil.

He rapped his fingers against the wood and waited for a second before pushing the door open and poking his head inside.

Taeil looked up from a stack of magazines.

“Oh? Jungwoo?”

“Hi,” Jungwoo’s voice was a little shaky, how it was so often, but it wasn’t stunning him, it just made him want it more.

He closed the door behind himself and flicked the lock before he marched over to the desk, where Taeil still looked at him with wide, confused eyes.

“Aren’t you going to ask about my final exam?” Jungwoo asked and leaned against the desk next to where he was sitting.

Taeil stood up, putting the journal down.

“Oh, damn, Jungwoo, I’m so sorry I forgot to text you, again. Oh god, I feel terrible, I shouldn’t have forgotten.”

Jungwoo chuckled, “I didn’t expect a text from you, not anymore.”

“That’s just as terrible if not worse. Okay, well, how was it?” Taeil seemed like he had not yet jumped to the same conclusion what this exam entailed, but Jungwoo would give him a pointer. He grabbed the collar of his white sweater and Taeil gasped in surprise when Jungwoo pulled him so close, he had to lean his head back to look up.

“I went well,” Jungwoo whispered, his heart hammering in his chest.

Taeil’s cheeks flushed and realisation finally settled on his face.

“Congratulations, then. What are you doing?”

“Thank you. What do you think?”

“Jungwoo, but your graduation is…”

“Hyung! It’s nothing more than a formality! I defended my thesis, I passed, I have my doctorate title. Fuck the piece of paper.”

“Yeah, well, what about the situation of your employment? We still haven’t figured it out yet.”

“You’re reaching and you know it! If anything, I’m unemployed at the moment.”

“It’s just that I-”

Jungwoo leaned down to finally, finally kiss him.

Taeil’s breath hitched and he seemed to consider pulling away but Jungwoo was not going to let him voice any more ridiculous reasons why they couldn’t be together.

Not anymore.

He had done his waiting.

He finally wanted to have his Taeil, for only him to kiss and cherish the rest of their lives.

“Jungwoo, the door,” Taeil gasped, but Jungwoo pushed him against the desk, silencing him by using another kiss.

He licked past the seam of his lips, against his tongue.

Finally.

Taeil sighed and gave up being stubborn, both his hands coming up to bury them into Jungwoo’s hair.

Finally!

Jungwoo pushed his chin up just a bit, so he could perfectly explore all the spots as if he had never done it before.

It was familiar, yet new and different.

Jungwoo had never kissed Taeil knowing he would get to kiss him however many more times he wanted.

It was different.

He still wouldn’t have minded having it earlier, but it all didn’t matter anymore because he was here now.

From how Taeil chased his lips when he broke away, his breath hurried against Jungwoo’s, he was almost at a loss for words.

But there was something he had longed to say for so long and he still remembered, if just barely.

“Taeil, I love you! I love you so much!” His voice wasn’t shaking. He was nervous, yes, but he had never been so sure of anything.

It wasn’t the first time he confessed, but it had not carried the same meaning, back then.

The words had not been supported by years of living right next to him, of overcoming difficulties and experiencing pure joy together.

Now, he’d get to say it openly.

Whenever he wanted to.

Their kiss, following the words that had been burning on his heart for years, deep and full of emotions, wouldn’t be never talked about again.

Taeil was no longer holding back, tugging on his hair and sucking on his tongue, making Jungwoo’s skin burn up and his own breathing come just as hurried and desperate as Taeil’s because

He was his now.

Jungwoo’s hands had travelled lower and he felt how Taeil was pressed against the desk, his perfectly round ass not available for him to touch. He went lower until he could grab his thighs and Taeil clung to his shoulders when he picked him off the ground, letting him settle on the desk.

“Jungwoo, I… me, too. I love you to heaven and back,” Taeil whispered while his face was pink and his lips dark. He was beautiful, smiling so much his eyes were sparkling, holding onto Jungwoo and staring at him as if he was the entire milky way.

“I love you, too,” because saying it once wasn’t enough.

Saying it twice also wasn’t enough.

Kissing him again, deepening it as much as he could, wasn’t enough.

Jungwoo pushed his hands under Taeil’s sweater, feeling his soft skin, and Taeil shuddered under his fingers.

“Oh god, Jungwoo, this is the office! Did you at least lock the, urgh, the door?”

“Mm,” Jungwoo leaned in to catch Taeil’s lips in another kiss and pushed his hands up further, slowly, carefully, taking his time.

Because they had all the time in the world, now. There was no point at which they’d have to go back to reality because it already was.

Taeil was his.

And he was Taeil’s.

Jungwoo felt Taeil dive down the back of his own shirt, fingers on his shoulders’ bare skin, drawing patterns while Taeil let him kiss him however he wanted to.

He heard his voice in tiny small moans while going down Taeil’s neck, sucking on the skin until he reached down low, where the collar would just barely hide it, and didn’t let go until he knew it’d leave a bruise for days.

Because Taeil was his.

“Jungwoo, are you insane? The kids!”

“Gotta tell them anyway…” Jungwoo kept kissing the same place, watching the skin turn darker and darker.

“I’m not ready for any of this.”

“Hyung, you had years to prepare,” Jungwoo couldn’t keep himself from laughing at that.

How was it that Taeil, out of all people, hadn’t made at least three master-plans?

“Well, I didn’t, now kiss me again!”

And what bigger pleasure would there be?

Jungwoo could think of only one and even he was reasonable enough to not do this right here, right now.

Instead, he pushed his fingers through Taeil’s thick hair, massaging his scalp a bit as he kept exploring his mouth, kept feeling his tongue against his own.

“I love you so much!”

Jungwoo wanted to say it a million times, to make up for all the times he hadn’t been able to say it before.

“I love you more!”

Taeil must want to say it a million times, to make up for all the times he hadn’t allowed himself to say it before.

They might be missed, upstairs, at some point.

Or maybe not.

Because Taeil’s kids weren’t dumb and the time to try hiding what was obvious was up anyway.

So, Jungwoo didn’t care. He just kept kissing Taeil, kept telling him the same three words and heard him say them back, feel his hands on his skin, making him burn up like it was the first time and the millionth time at the same time because it was both exciting and comfortable all at once.

Because he loved Taeil.

So much.

Jungwoo wakes up with the sun already blazing over Seoul.

It’s lighter, here, in the small neighbourhood in Cheongdam with lower houses and no tall sky-scrapers blocking her rays. The nights are darker because there are no businesses advertising themselves all up and down the street.

Here, they have more space than the flats in sky-scrapers offer.

Enough space for a huge family, enough space for a big office, enough space to let them all live together and pull back when they need to.

A lot happened during the last years.

So much, Jungwoo sometimes finds himself forgetting things. Especially the bad ones. They just pale when there’s so much good to make up for them.

He pulls his phone up to check the time. Two minutes before the alarm. He smiles and puts it aside again to turn around.

Taeil’s face is squished against the pillow, mouth opened a tiny bit, even breathing speaking of deep sleep.

Jungwoo reaches out to gently run a finger down his nose. He has such a cute nose, small and straight.

His skin is impossibly soft and Jungwoo feels, once more, like laughing over Taeil worrying in regards to his 30th birthday.

Maybe there’s more maturity on his face.

But Jungwoo will not let a single day pass without reminding him that he is beautiful.

That he loves him.

To heaven and back.

The alarm breaks the peaceful morning and Jungwoo lets it ring until Taeil stirs and whines before silencing it.

“Good morning,” Jungwoo raises and leans over, so he can kiss Taeil’s cheek.

“’rning.”

Jungwoo takes his phone again, to check if he missed something.

Donghyuck posted to the group chat. Paper articles on his successful acceptance to college.

Jungwoo smiles to himself and zooms in. Donghyuck looks grown-up. A bright young man.

He doesn’t know English well enough to translate them but he knows someone will do it for him. There’s plenty of English-speakers in the household, with Ten and Johnny both still here and not across the ocean, where Donghyuck is doing his most to push what Hybrids and cannot do, writing his own story. They’re in Phuket on holiday right now, but they’ll surely send them some explanation once they’re up.

There’s a text from 2 am last night. From Joohyun. Jungwoo wonders if something went wrong?

But it didn’t.

When he opens it, it’s a photo of Joohyun and Jennie’s hands, small dainty rings sparkling on each. The text is an invitation to their very inofficial, very lesbian wedding that they don’t know when and where they’ll hold, but will definitely celebrate.

“Hey, why are you crying early in the morning?” Taeil’s voice is still scratchy from sleep and his hand is warm on Jungwoo’s bare arm, turning his phone.

The small squeak he makes doesn’t fit the professional image of Doctor Moon or the responsible Taeil-Hyung.

It’s only for Jungwoo.

“Cute, right? I’m so happy for them.”

“I’m, too! Did they just decide to do that? Can you do that?” Taeil sounds confused as if he isn’t the one who decided to call his Hybrids his kids when no one ever does that.

“I don’t think anyone will stop you. It’s just a slip of paper, you can print it, can’t you?”

“What’s stopping us then?” Taeil asks, eyes wide and attentive and Jungwoo pauses.

“Lack of… creativity?” his heart is suddenly in his throat, nerves making his fingers tingle.

“Ah. Would you still want to? Get married?”

Jungwoo’s thoughts just go blank for a second.

“Why do we decide this in bed, randomly, one morning, instead of making it big and romantic?” Jungwoo’s voice is shaky and he feels tears well up in his eyes but not because of the situation being as un-romantic as he feels it is.

No.

Because he’s happy.

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine, don’t feel pressured, it’d not be officially recognised anyway. I mean, just forg-“

Jungwoo grabs Taeil to kiss him. And make him shut up. It’s a very handy option to have. He makes use of it often, especially in the evenings when Taeil loves to think himself into a frenzy.

As if that’s even a question.

Jungwoo doesn’t have to think about his answer, he just bursts out the second they part:

“Of course, I want to. I want to spend the rest of my life with you! I love you!”

Taeil’s smile is soft and his eyes are deep enough to forget about everything else, for Jungwoo. They always are.

“Good. I love you, too. To heaven and back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)
> 
> Wow, what a ride. I feel like I say this at the end of every of these, but I’ve never thought I’d write something like this haha. I really struggled and I was really worried there was too much going on. In the end, I’m mostly satisfied (though, unfortunately, the last chapter is probably what I like least, but I just lack skills to make it better ☹) and I’m so happy to get so many comments and kudos, it really motivates me and reassures me, so thank you so, so much for your support.
> 
> Actually, I have a few more stories in this AU I’d like to tell – even ones I started writing before this but ended up in a dead-end with. I just don’t know how yet. I can’t quite let it go, I’m so attached to the setting and the characters after I spent so much time writing them and giving them each their past and present. At the same time, it does feel like this would be a wonderful place to stop. If I was to write something new, it would not have overlap with this (bc it’s too complicated to write), thus opening a really new, blank page. 
> 
> So, I might just end it here. 
> 
> In any case, thank you so, so much to everyone who took the time to read this, or even read the entire series, special thanks to my commenters, and, maybe, see you soon. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Visuals of the cat/dog/bunny breed the genes come from (pls tell me when a link is broken):  
[Yuta, Beagle](http://www.zooroyal.de/magazin/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/beagle-hunderasse-760x560.jpg)  
[Jaehyun, Border Collie](https://img.ohmymag.de/alternative/tier/border-collie_c276ca8d399eee73a1c079a8558d4d7cc1304846.jpg)  
[Taeyong, Russian Blue](https://azure.wgp-cdn.co.uk/app-yourcat/posts/russian_blue1.jpg)  
[Doyoung, Holland Lop](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/62/c9/c1/62c9c1780151f45896b7fa72f20b7521.jpg)  
[Kun, Bengalese Cat](https://www.bengalcats.co/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/thor-bengal-cat.jpg)  
[Donghyuck, Shorthair](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/4f/47/a1/4f47a1149e238318689266c5f00a65bb.jpg)  
[ Johnny, Rottweiler](https://www.animals-digital.de/fileadmin/Bilder_und_Fotos/Hunde/Hunderassen/Rottweiler/Rottweiler-3.jpg)  
[Jaemin, mix](https://i.imgur.com/b6eCPfU.jpg)  
[Sicheng, Dwarf Hotot](https://rabbitsforsaleinnebraska.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/172.jpg?w=640)  
[Jeno, Labrador Retriever](https://bilder.markt.de/images/cms/hunde/labradorwelpe.jpg)  
[Ten, Thai Cat](https://bowwowinsurance.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/siamese-cat-700x700.jpg)  
[List of people with changed birthyears](https://i.ibb.co/JdGrDbc/Ages.jpg</a)  
This is what I imagine Taeil's [flat ](https://i.ibb.co/4P7qrxc/1-Taeil-s-Flat-V3.jpg)to look like.  
  
[CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)  
Twitter: @155Fox


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